CONTACT STELLA

Stelakuko@hotmail.com
Sdimokokorkus@gmail.com
+4915210329280

Friday, May 17, 2013

Domestic Violence:What's Your Take?



 
A lot of ladies quietly suffer domestic abuse but keep quiet because our society does not protect women who are being abused by their spouses.

When is it enough?when will our women learn to tackle domestic abuse and when will families learn to support their abused instead of advising them to stay and bear.
These women carry around scars,deep cuts and bruises and cook up lies to suit their injuries.

We all know in the last three years in Nigeria,so many women have lost their lives because a husband flipped and kept punching till the life was snuffed out of his wife.
oh,some even use knives to turn the wife into minced meat...oh no,oh no!

We are all affected by domestic violence one way or the other when people we know are abused/killed/maimed.
 
If you know your Friend/Sister/Aunt/Mother/Cousin is being abused will you advise them to leave or stay and die?...stay and be maimed for life by a man who professes undying love for her?

Why is the government not providing shelter homes for women who want to run from abusive spouses?
What has the government really put in place to tackle offenders?
What has happened to the past offenders?
I guess it continues because the appropriate punishment has not been put in place .

A man who as much as slaps his wife should be jailed,talkless of killing her!

Do we have enough NGO's to help?
So many Women are stuck in abusive Marriages/Relationships and they need help.
Who will help them?

You and I and the government have a role to play and i have done mine by writing this.
I am worried by the level Domestic violence has escalated to,especially Nigeria where law and order only exists in writing as concerns protecting abused women.

Please leave a word of advice for  any one  who might be going through the beating of their lives in their homes...daily being beaten but keeping quiet out of shame.
 

Domestic Violence IS A CRIME AND MUST STOP!

*Please do not derail this topic*

61 comments:

Anonymous said...

In relation to the domestic abuse post,my aunt is in one, she lives in Ireland with her 3kids, my mum has told her to leave the husband, d last time, he broke her hand, AFRICAN women should stop condoning this nonsense, it's even so bad that her useless husband beats up his own daughter and she is affected to the extent that she's seeing a shrink. A useless man who does not work, drinks all day n beats his wife n kids, I sometimes fear for my aunt and her kids, cuz her husband smoke weed too n drinks heavily, now it's slaps, kicks and of recent breaking of hand, God forbid it escalates to something else...

Anonymous said...

my man is an alcohinc and i have scars to show for yrs of loving him.sex means notin anymore as i constantly raped in my home.
i dare not go out and tell anyone or i am dead meat.....i cannot even leave,whr wil i go?who will help me or hide me?fear is real,stella its easy for u to discuss this,those living it know the seriousness and helpless es of it...i can onlycomplain.
if you can run then,i cant

Oluwatosin williams said...

@ #2 if you die i promise you your space in hell is special,no one to help you. read your sentence again,na d rape dey sweet you,you know won talk truth... You are better get out of that house and squat with a friend or relative or move to the church till you find your feet... Good luck in your choice

tara said...

sweetheart, yes u can run if dts ur only choice. run now or die soon, its ur pick

Jilly said...

I was a victim and I tell you, its hell on earth. I was scared for my life, always walking on eggshells because I didn't know what I would say or do to make him fly into a rage... Today, its "why did you have to put on the washing machine while I was still in bed (at 12noon on a saturday) & hot slaps, blows & kicks would follow...Tomorrow, it will be "why do you have to wait for me to wake up before you do the Laundry? Must I always tell you what to do? Useless woman!!! Hotter slaps, blows and kicks!!! Women in it know how difficult it is to leave these men because they are "charmers". By the time they start crying, begging & apologising, you will get confused & soft hearted & forgive them but its a never ending cycle because they will do it again and again and beg again and again. I realised I either had to live or face that ugly situation for the rest of my life. I chose the former and I have no regrets doing it because he's now in prison for breaking his girlfriend's neck!!! Women experiencing it, leave while you can. "It's better to leave with a broken heart, than a broken head"!!!

memphis said...

I've said it b4 and I'll say it again. Nigerian women are not protected by their government; a government that demands a "permit" from them b4 they can leave the country; a government that allowed the embarrassing situation of over 1300 muslim women being deported from Saudi Arabia because they didn't come in with a male "guardian"; a government that has an embarrassingly low number of women in ministries and parliament.

Nigerian women, your only protection will come 4rm a male family member: your brother, father, male cousin, uncle, grandpa... That's it! If you wait for Nigeria, you will die in your abused state. I'm done talking. A word is enough for the wise.

Jilly said...

My dear, it was the same "where will I go, what will people say" questions that made me stay as long as I did... I didn't want to go back to my family home, I didn't want to stay with friends. He knew this & capitalized on it. But whilst still with him, I was scouting for accomodation in another city..One day, he beat me again and went for his overnight drinking spree, by the time he got back, I was gone..Never ever to return..They intimidate you,try to make you dependent on them so you think you can't live without them. They play mind games. One minute, you are their heart and soul and the next minute, you are the witch holding his process.

Anonymous said...

I walked away fast from the slaps. I was the better for it. Thank God I left before we married.

Anonymous said...

This is a topic I particularly take seriously....it hurts me to hear/see women remain in an abusive relationship! I left my bf of 7yrs cos of emotional abuse(he was always complaining about my weight n making me feel less of myself). I had to take d decision to walk cos abuse is abuse....either physical or emotional! So please ladies, KNOW UR WORTH and let no man make u feel less of Urslf! It might be difficult at first but IT IS POSSIBLE!

Anonymous said...

True! Similar to my experience also, he begs and prostrates everytime I get hit but I just had to make the best choice for myself and my future..make your choice now!

Anonymous said...

abused victims should not keep quite they should come out and let and seek help. My mom was abused constantly at the hands of my dad and I could not stand for her because I was scared of my father, every day I regret not defending her even if i took her beatings. To all the women ever abused only GOD will fight for you.

come share your US visa story here
http://usimmigrationdiary.blogspot.sg/

Anonymous said...

Sometimes,i sit and wonder why men hit...you love them,u r faithful to them.they are unfaithful and do somany things we ladies darenot yet they still hit in d name of loving you,and u see dem begging and crying saying you are my joy my everytin...

PRETTYSPICEY said...

Most often domestic abuse starts as a shock for the victim. The first abuse is usually a slap, "wham' across the cheek. Victim is shocked. And most find it hard to react under this shock. They remain in that state of 'disbelief' ... did you just hit me? And the abuser apologizes - it was a mistake, a thoughtless act out of anger. All is forgotten. Until it happens again and again and again. Then it stops being a mistake but a usual way to 'discipline' the victim.
Is anyone reading this a victim? Listen. From the very first time, your man hits you 'mistakenly', girl be on the alert. No real man hits a woman, for whatever reason. I mean no real man hits a woman no matter the provocation - only a weakling and bully does.
Take it up from the very first slap.
And never blame yourself. You are not responsible for him abusing you. He has no right to 'discipline' you. You are his wife or partner not his slave or dog. Get it?
It is so shameful and you are so humiliated and scared. But sister, you have got to SPEAK OUT. To save your life and to save your children.
No matter what family and friends tell you, an abusive marriage damages your children for life.
GET OUT OF IT.
Are you being abused, request through SDK and PrettySpicey will send you a number to call for help.
Don't stay in am abusive relationship, YOU DESERVE BETTER.

Anonymous said...

Why must every thing be God,will God come from heaven....pls let us use our brain sometimes...

PRETTYSPICEY said...

@#2 Yes you can RUN. You can. And you have to. I am so sorry that you are going through this but he is raping you, beating you and emotionally destroying you ... You have got to run. You are not doing your kids (if you have any) any favours. They are being damaged by this too - emotionally, psychologically.
You can leave that man. Be COURAGEOUS. Be courageous, for you, for your kids. You deserve better.
Don't let him kill you. Or destroy your very soul. Leave him NOW.

SHUKURAH said...

The shrink needs to report this to the police. One thing I like abt US is that they dont play with child abuse. If a teacher suspects foul play, he/she reports to child protection services.

SHUKURAH said...

Sorry to hear abt ur situation. What are the reasons why you think you cannot leave?
Money, no place to go, family wants you to stay? The reason I am asking is so we may know how to offer help.

I lost an aunt to DV. Sad truth is that she died after she left. May her lovely soul rest in peace.
There is help out there. I am not sure abt Nigeria but I can bet my 2 cents that there will be many people on here to support you if u need it.
Read up victim survival skills online. There are so many information on google.

May God see u thru this phase and may u come out of it whole in Jesus name.

SHUKURAH said...

This comment is so full of ignorance that I dont know where to start.

Stella plz delete her stupid comment. This is part of the reason victims are scared to open up. Who in the world enjoys rape?

Until u r in her shoes u will not know what it like. If you have nothing nice to say, just move to the next one!

SHUKURAH said...

Another problem we Nigerian/african women have is our culture/upbringing.

I remr at my aunt's night vigil (her husband killed her after she left) i was advicing women what to do ( back then I had resources) many of them were mad at my advice. They did not think they shd leave or call police because their husband from time to time wld beat them. "O wu love". Say what???

I was disappointed with many of the responses I got. Some told me I was single that was the reason I dont understand marriage. Some had family members/friends that were blaming them that they shd behave if they dont want to be hit.
Then the "what will they say abt me" reason is the one that took me over the edge.

I think we need to comtinue to have this kind of conversation so that we can expose and also educate ourselves.

Anonymous said...

Mine was just too much, he hits me even de sisters slaps me at times. I was married to him for two years n I hve a daughter. I didn't want to leave cos of what people will say, but I ws dying inside. One day, he asked his siters to throw my daughter n I out. That's was it. Am never goin back NEVER!! Am happy now *so happy* taking care of my Child.

Sapele Babe in Lagos said...

This is a very emotional topic. It breaks my heart each time I see or hear of women going through domestic abuse and still hanging on. Honestly some actually wanna leave but where to? That's why I always propagate the Education of the girl child. I am totally against a woman being idle all in the name of being a stay at home mum and caring for the kids. It's more difficult for an idle stay at home mum to leave an abusive marriage cus of the fear of the unknown. How do I feed? How do I survive? Who picks my bills? How about shelter? And they stay put in the marriage till they are killed. Even where they are not killed physically,they are killed emotionally,spiritually, et al.
Women, I beg you, get busy, get something doing, even as a stay at home mum, you can be a caterer, you can make beads, you can be a tailor, you can run a daycare, become a lesson teacher etc, just do something, pls empower yourselves. Don't wait on that man for every dime u need. It makes it easier for you to move on if you find yourself with an abuser of a husband. Please Speak out, there are people who can help. If he hits you repeatedly and gets you gifts afterwards, it's not love. Don't get used to it. Fatal love is not love.

Anonymous said...

Oluwatoyin Williams, your comment is very insensitive. I had to recheck to make sure you are a female making such wicked remarks!!! Animal like you.

Anonymous said...

Hits 100 likes

Anonymous said...

Shukurah, same thing I thought when I heard it, was expecting the shrink to report the case, cuz from what another aunt told me, my aunt, d useless husband and 12yr old cousin when for the session together and it was the father that used his own mouth to tell the shrink that he beats her with a belt and all...he was in Nig but usually goes to ireland to visit the family for a while, but when he found out all his kids and my aunt got citizenship he decided to stay back so he gets his. My mum has told her sister, leave him, her friends too have told, now she's saying she wants him to get his papers, I don't get it, is it that beatings have messed with her reasoning? His family in Nig think it's my aunt spending his money, it's d opposite way, he is jobless! Even in Nig he does nothing! The last time he beat her n broke her hand, he even chased her out of the house, she's educated for Christ sakes, she should know better. I fear for my cousins cause the oldest is just 13yrs, we all know how these things affect kids. My mum has told his family members but what can they do? Nothing! Even when my granny was there, he'll lock my aunt up in the room. Women should protecting these kind of men oh!

Anonymous said...

May God punish dat ur aunty for fooling around woth her children's destiny all for d selfish reason of not being labelled a divorcee. / single mother.

Anonymous said...

My mum use 2 be part of this domestic violence before but I thank God my dad has stop hitting her and that was bcuz we were grown-up and was able to defend our mum.
Women who r facing domestic violence..., plsss break away from such home if you can't stand the man anymore b4 he kills you or b4 u kill him one day trying to use self-help. I pary God will give every woman going through this wisdom.
Ladies who ain't married, pls choose your spouse wisely. Don't get love twisted wiv infatuation.

Anonymous said...

I am a female. I really go against Domestic Violence. I have a friend who always say she prefer her man beat her to neglect her without minding her in the house, despite the fact that her man is a cool-headed man. She always cause trouble and problems in the house and do so many bad attitude that does not suit relationship in terms of infidelity, lies, going out with bad ladies. Her man tries alot to change her and tells her to change too but she continues with this attitude. I advice her to change too because if her man start doing what (the beating) she wants. She will not be able to endure it. Shall we call this Domestic Violence ???????.

Anonymous said...

Anon 9:41 as in! I would have cursed and abused her if she was not my relative...I think the beatings have messed with her. As it is now,she has the advantage over him,to get sole custody of the kids and all,but she's just there receiving beating and giving her hard earned money to the man.

Anonymous said...

I have suffered emotional and physical abuse in the hands of my husband. Last January, I celebrated one year that he had not hit me. I was beaten while five pregnant with my twins. I have been pushed out of the house in the middle of the night with my older twins thrown in my laps. several instances, why did I not leave? I had nowhere to go, my mother had warned me, she told me, there was not hurry for me to get married and he was over 10 years older than I.
My succour is that i now have a job and can get out of the house often enough. His younger brother has now turned into his punching bag and i still feel angry at that one because he was brought into my home without my knowledge. He was just dumped on me and he next day i was beaten in front of him, so you can imagine the relationship we have. when i gather courage before i die, i will go

Anonymous said...

Hahaha, I have a friend who was a punching bag to her bf. After beating her, they'll have make up sex n disturb the neighbours. When I advised her to leave the relationship, she said she won't leave bcos the beatings he gives her signifies that he luvs her. I was shocked cos she is rich n his poor. Today they are married with a kid but I don't know if he still hits her cos we are not close anymore. I can't be a hypocrite by supporting that kind of relationship and now marriage.
So sometimes, the ladies are to blame for staying.

Mama Ijebu said...

I don't get.. Do u mean after ur aunt left her husband he came after her and killed her??

Mama Ijebu said...

Na wa o.. Did he marry you young, as in really young to make him feel he has d authority to discipline u and if not his sister can? Plus were u working or just a house wife?.. Things are happening o.. Thank God u left.. no worry,he go soon meet his match,na dat one go teach him and his family lesson

Mama Ijebu said...

That's a lady that comes from an abusive background.. Her probably beats her mum.. Its crazy cause I know a lady dat use to say it infront of her bf that sometimes ladies needs beating so they can be submissive, very twisted lady.. The day I heard, I made it clear that no LADY should be treated like that.. Looking at her background,I noticed dat her dad beats her. Step Mum (her own mum is late).. Most ladies dat act like that comes from an abusive background

Anonymous said...

My ex husband's brother is a sick man who regularly beats his wife. He has also forced her to have up to 4 abortions. Its really bad but what's worse is that his six sisters and mother always act like its her fault. I believe that our society has a very warped perception of marriage and family. Our family values lack Christain values and are steeped in very old and backward cultures that have no place in our society. And Nigerian women place the title of Mrs above happiness or self worth. In Nigeria its better to be a widow than a spinster.
This same retarded ex brother in law once called me unprintable names in front of my husband and father in law and he was not rebuked. I believe that one day I'll hear that he has killed his wife.

Brain Box said...

My take on this issue is clear and strictly so....Domestic violence is a vicious, devilish tendency and should NEVER be tolerated. I agree that a lot of it goes unnoticed and unreported and I know that a LOT of women have either been maimed or killed by this unruly trend. I also understand that only she that wears the shoe knows how it fits; Truth is: this whole rubbish starts during Courtship or dating - if your boyfriend or fiancee hits you before you are married to him, take it or leave it, as soon as you two are married, the chance that he will hit you again and again stands at 95 percent because marriage has a lot of sour times that could breed aggression but require patience and if that patience has been lacking from the courtship period, forget it, he will abuse you even more. I read where someone mentioned not knowing where to run to or how to leave the relationship - like I said, only the person involved knows how difficult it is; but, if you do not have a family or friend to run to, please get to the Police station or if you have any Social welfare office close to you, go there and cry till they understand that you have had enough and I'm sure you will get some help. Some women usually say they are reluctant to leave because they are afraid of what will become of their children - the question is: if you die in the hands of the abusive man you call your husband, will your children not live without you? Infact, at that point, you will never even have any say whatsoever because you would have been dead and long gone. God forbid! So, be wise and leave while you still have your head on your shoulders. However, while I maintain that men do not have any excuses for hitting their wives, it is important for women to advise themselves too because some of these domestic abuses are caused by women themselves. Some men are the victims of their wives' indiscretions. So, women, please try and modify whatever behavioural traits that are wrong and inimical to family growth because those things could be the reason your husbands get provoked and pounce on you. Search within you and do the right thing. Marriage is a lovely institution, Men and Women, let's maintain its dignity. Look before you leap. I wish everyone the best in their respective marriages. Cheers!

BUSYBODY CORRECTER said...

*USED to be* not *USE to be*
* Has STOPPED* not * Has STOP*
* Were grown up and WERE able*

BUSYBODY CORRECTER said...

@ Anon 12:05AM: *Sisters SLAP me* not *Sisters SLAPS me*

BUSYBODY CORRECTER said...

@ Anon12:57PM:*I have a friend who always SAYS she PREFERS her man BEATING her to NEGLECTING her* not *I have a friend who always SAY she PREFER her man BEAT her to NEGLECT her*

*She always CAUSES trouble....and DOES* not *She always CAUSE trouble....and DO*

*If her man STARTS* not *If her man START*

BUSYBODY CORRECTER said...

@ Mama Ijebu: *i know a lady that USED to say* not *I know a lady that USE to say*

*Ladies NEED* not *Ladies NEEDS*

*Most ladies that act like that COME from* not *Most ladies that act like that COMES from*

Stanley Chuks said...

I concur that no man have the right to physically abuse any woman talk less of his wife. My own take also is that no woman have the right to VERBALLY abuse any man talk less of her husband. We are products of our environment. I was taught by my parents not to raise my hands against my sisters. It has guided me well in my marriage. But still, women should learn that an action usually generates a reaction. Of course, there are stupidly abusive men. But there are men who were pushed to the walls byttheir wives. Nobody owns the monopoly over violence either physical or verbal.

Stanley Chuks said...

Of course, I expect that my reply will generate some emotional response from some ladies. Trust me, I haven't physically abused any lady since I was 10! That was my sister. I've been married for 5 years and counting. I'm not trying to rationalise violence but some ladies sabi press violence mode button for their men. Remember Hannington and Lerato of Big Brother All Star. That is a good example of what I mean. At the end, Hannington was vilified as if Lerato had no role in the matter. Again, we are victims of our circumstances. Have a great Sunday.

Stanley Chuks said...

@ SDK No need to upload the next comment but what happens to a wife who gives her husband a slap or throws items at him? Does she also go to jail for that? Just reflect on that. Don't say it doesn't happen because it does.

Babino said...

I have been in a violent relationship before and it was hell on earth, I dentify wiv d anonymous that said she was constantly walking on eggshells cos she didn't know wuh to say to anger her man. Its really crazy cos this men are so pathetic,my fiancee then was a beast,it all started with a slap,to punches,he gets so angry at times that he can use anything to hit me,be it pot,belt buckle or anything dangerous. He has even cut my hair before all in the name of making me ugly. =))º°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнaº°˚˚˚°º‎​=)) and so on and so forth. I can laugh now cos God helped me to overcome such violence and guided me out of that relationship alive cos if I had lost it back then I or him wud ve been dead by now. Ladies undergoing domestic violence pls pray for wisdom to deal with the sitiation,if u ve ur life to live dnt do any gragra with the rabid dog of a man,just keep ur face devoid of any emotions,whilst u strategise ur exit from the relationship or marriage wiv ur kids!!do not,I repeat do not let him ve an idea u want to leave him,or else he wud kill u,or harm u or ur children. I so much appreciate the anonymous that said she was hunting for an apartment in anoda city while she was still with the man. As for my case my family witnessed it n some of my friends did also they were the once that came together with the help of God to deliver me ooooooo!!!and they also gave an alert to our neighbours to hand over the guy to the police if he's seen in our vicinity. I thank God who delivered me if not I would not be married to the best man on earth today!!!

Anonymous said...


Ladies trully contribute to this violence to them sometimes. I ve a very loving fine girl friend whose boyfriend beats blue black. Initially it started as slap. This lady works in a federal parastatal while d guy is just a street hustler. She lives her life as though its devalued that no oder guy will date her, as if her life is dependent on him. Lately she resorted to keeping to her self over it cuz I don't knw but its like she feels I am envious of her or my own relationship is goin smoother dan her's. Fortunately for me am not cuz I live in the ideology of a "broken relationship is better than a broken home". I just pray that some day she will realise d effects and leave this guy before he kills her one day.

Anonymous said...

I never knew i will be a victim of domestic violence. My husband beats me in front of my children, call me names in front of my house staff, and he will not talk to me for months! The worst is that, his been treatening to kill me ! I really want to walk away but just scared of raising 3 kids on my own

Anonymous said...

Any woman in an abusive relationship should walk out!
The problem is that these same women would comment in blogs that their marriages are the best or sweetest when marital issues come up, pretending all is well!

Anonymous said...

DV is one of those horrors you'd rather not imagine. I dunno where to begin my narration after facing it for close to 8years. Each time I would run back to my parents, an entourage from the church (as he was an ordained deacon)would come to beg as God hates divorce and I was irresponsible for abadoning my only child. Over the years, I had faced all sorts - slammed against the wall,chocking episodes,slapped even while driving,pulling a knife at me,hitting my head on concrete,sprained arm,dirty names/cussing and even a blow to my right eye that left a deep gash.In March this year after being slapped again and hit severally with a belt buckle on the head, I said no more! The twerp is now begging again and even my folks have taken sides with him saying am not a virtuous woman..but for all i care now, no man would make me remain unhappy, depressed or suicidal all in the name of a 'marriage'. The physical scars, constant tears, warped perceptions and emotional blankness are sad reminders of my rewards for trying to be a good wife...in my case he didnt display any signs while dating -it was 2weeks after my daughter's birth that I got slapped while breastfeeding! It ain't worth it ladies - AJ

Mena UkodoisReady said...

Thanks for this topic Stella:

Before an abuser starts physically assaulting his victim, he typically demonstrates his abusive tactics through certain behaviors. The following are five major warning signs and some common examples:



Charm
Abusers can be very charming. In the beginning, they may seem to be Prince Charming or a Knight in Shining Armor. He can be very engaging, thoughtful, considerate and charismatic. He may use that charm to gain very personal information about her. He will use that information later to his advantage.

For example; he will ask if she has ever been abused by anyone. If she says, "yes", he will act outraged that anyone could treat a woman that way. Then when he becomes abusive, he will tell her no one will believe her because she said that before and it must be her fault or two people would not have hit her.

Another example; he may find out she experimented with drugs in her past. He will then threaten that if she tells anyone about the abuse he will report her as a drug abuser and she will lose her children. The threat to take away her children is one of the most common threats abusers use to maintain power and control over their victims.

Isolation
Abusers isolate their victims geographically and socially. Geographic isolation includes moving the victim from her friends, family and support system (often hundreds of miles); moving frequently in the same area and/or relocating to a rural area.

Social isolation usually begins with wanting the woman to spend time with him and not her family, friends or co-workers. He will then slowly isolate her from any person who is a support to her. He dictates whom she can talk to; he tells her she cannot have contact with her friends or family.

Jealousy
Jealousy is a tool abusers use to control the victim. He constantly accuses her of having affairs. If she goes to the grocery store, he accuses her of having an affair with the grocery clerk. If she goes to the bank, he accuses her of having an affair with the bank teller. Abusers routinely call their victims whores or sluts.
read more here: warning signs of an abuser: http://efemenaoreoluwa.blogspot.com/2011/03/warning-signs-of-abuser-one-of-those_09.html

Mena UkodoisReady said...

More of real life stories to learn from:

This lady was abused till fell sick and she had to report to the police, guess what? the policewoman she reported to eventually married her hubby. http://efemenaoreoluwa.blogspot.com/2013/01/real-lives-victim-of-domestic-abuse.html

One more: http://efemenaoreoluwa.blogspot.com/2013/01/real-lives-real-talk-i-suffered-and.html

I agree with sapele babe, women should empower themselves, they should get financially dependent, this (and more already stated above) will reduce the high level of domestic abuse


Sapele Babe in Lagos said...

Hmmmmmm Efemena Dot, you have written well. Running to your blogstaurant right now for that Ukodo. Abeg Starsh dey?

Anonymous said...

am currently going through one please some should help me

Anonymous said...

my name is shola i have a kid and am pregnant please i need help i want to run away but dont know where to go my email is sholamatty@yahoo.com please someone should come to my aid

meah said...

Shola, where are your family members?

Babino said...

Eh yaaa@shola you shd ve inboxed Stella she wud gtn in touch wiv prettyspicey instead of putting ur mail here. Let's just hope ur hubby doesn't get to know u r trying to run away by God's grace. One of the dnts of DV is neva to allow the predator know you are running away or planning to leave so he doesn't make a counter plan,or hurt u or ur kids. Pele it is well,I pray u get rescued quickly so u can be happy with ur life.

Anonymous said...

JESUS CHRIST!

meeny said...

My dear AJ, you just took me down memory lane!!! I remember all the times I went to work with wounds and scars and told lies to my colleagues that I fell in the bathtub!!! The best any abused person can do is to take a very bold step and walk out of the relationship!!! It might be hard, initially but as time goes by, when you remember it all, you get mad at yourself for tolerating it all for so long...

Anonymous said...

Dear Stella

I have read and followed your notes on women in abusive relationships and your constant cry for help and suggestions as to the way out or the prevention of this challenge that seems to be on the increase.

I must say that I normally wouldn't like to make public comments, and I have never really been in the habit of talking in public, but the issues you keep raisin touches a raw nerve in me.

I have been in that sort of relationship..... It's horrible. It's hell on earth. I endured for over 15 years and in those years I kept some diaries. I have left now... You think that's the end of it... Hell no.... But ....

I have my diary. I will be sending you parts of it...and also what women like me can do before, during and after such relationships. Because I went through the whole process and maybe I can share what has helped me and what has not helped. And in the process maybe we can also get women in such situations some help before things get out of hand..

For now i choose to be anonymous.

Anonymous said...

i have sent you a mail @ shola and may God help us
am ready to help you and you will sure escape from that beast
keep praying, help is not far away

HYBunny

Anonymous said...

Chineke moooo!!! #crying# tins r happening.don't really know wot to say.God save our married women from DV

Anonymous said...

Are you a possessed creature? How can you even speak to her like that?! Ignorant fucker!

Anonymous said...

My dear its better you are alive and raising your kids alone than dead and another woman maltreating your children.