Hi Stella
Please I need the advice of you and yours on a particular subject thank You.
I'm getting married first week of May (blows trumpet, throws confetti, twerk! twerk!! twerk!!!), my fiance and myself work full time and in addition to this we have to attend marriage classes during weekends and also fulfil the requirements on my traditional bridal list which involves seeing uncles, auntie etc basically we don't have much time within ourselves to plan. I started out my planning since beginning of January picking out bride's maids and having them decide on the dresses I formed a group on BBM for them to interact and pick dresses.
Now here's the deal my best friend(who's my chief bride's maid) thinks I'm doing everything too soon, I'm informing people too soon, she has something negative to say about almost everything I've done with this wedding lemme list em out.
1) My colours are too dull not bright enough
2) She doesn't understand the side view of the wedding dress I picked, basically there's something wrong with every dress I've picked.
3) Reception dress is waste of money I'm being too extravagant
4) the group for bridal party is a bad idea "NOT EVERYBODY WISHES ME WELL"
5) The wedding is still far I'm planning too soon
6) Some of my bride's maid don't wish me well (she's never met or known this girls)
7) what was the point of wanting an engagement ring when I know he's already going to marry me. (I'm already engaged)
8) why am I budgeting ridiculous amount on wedding bands, I'm extravagant.
9) don't use you and you're fiance as DP people are watching, not every one is happy for You (I couldn't even celebrate my engagement)
Frankly as I'm listing them on this mail it's now I'm remembering them but the list goes on, even though she's not married I know she's NOT JEALOUS of me, she's never been ever! It's a rare trait she posses so jealousy is out of it.
I believe in life that whoever you are someone somewhere is always not happy for you, but life goes on. From the days I had nothing someone somewhere has always hated me or not wished me well, some are just angry I'm alive, that's life for you, I don't let it ruin my happiness or live my life secretly to please people (I don't show off! I'm as humble as they come) I have been through so much hurt and pain in the past I just want to be happy for this moment, for this blessing God has given me, I will scream to the world world if I can, I'm just excited and at peace. I AM HAPPY.
What pisses me of now is that she brings no ideas, or solution to every thing she's pointed out she just counter everything I make an effort to do. I confronted how about this whole negativity and not giving me adequate planning support, she told me she's not negative she's just being protective, and she has no experience with weddings so she cannot contribute she doesn't know what to plan. But the whole "becareful not everyone is happy for you" speech are wedding tales testimonies she's heard! So she's warning me.
My point is why can't she hear the good stories? Why is it always negativity all the time? My friend is pessimistic she believes something will fail even before she tries. I am the complete opposite, I give my all if it doesn't work then fine it wasn't meant to be.
I really want her on board for the planning of this wedding but frankly we can't continue to work like this "fire and ice" it's not working. I don't want to be stressed with wedding planning so I do the little I can whenever I have the time to. I am a marketer so I have company pressure on me to meet target, I don't want wedding pressure too. My fiance and I are on board he's always online buying the stuffs he needs for he's groom's men, the ones he doesn't have money for he sets it aside but knows when the money comes it's already for this particular thing.
My bestfriend says I don't have the money for the wedding so why am I planning now, do you need money to have an idea of what you want? Or do you need money to put steps in place to achieve what you want? Must the whole money for wedding be complete before you start something? I feel no help from her and I don't want to quarel with her over this wedding.
I have decided to leave her out of the whole wedding planning and keep doing my thing whenever she decides to join in fine! Am I over-reacting? Was I wrong to confront her about this negative behaviour of hers because now she's mad at me and says she won't forgive me if I say she's negative, we aren't speaking at the moment and honestly I don't feel like apologising to her I said the truth should I apologise for that?
Thank You.
*Does your bestie have a stable relationship?is she happy? if not then your Joy might just be her pain.
Its normal,you youslf alrdy feels she's jealous that's y u pick the tins she say,its bad of you,ignore her and do your thing don't feel bad about it,she's feeln lonely alrdy,and mayb na over _sabi friend. U get,that want to prove she knows everything.just ignore and do your tin the way you want,shebi after marriage evrybody go oyo state,abi she go follw u go hubby house?
ReplyDeletewell said
DeleteSDKers ooh!! Blog visitors...Plz anyone in Davos Klosters Switzeland? Plz I will like 2 meet. Leaving here on Thursday. And with this heavy snow falling on my head, dnt think am cuming this way anytime soon. Plz we r family here y'all. Help a sister and indicate asap! 10x in advance. Fat hugzzzz...
DeleteBLOG ANALYSER: my wedding comes up soon bt the funny thing is that I don't have friends infact I don't know who will be there.I have not even chosen a chief brides maid. It is around April I have started planning bt in a gradual manner. I rarely put my pix nd that of my fiancee coz I am a private person.
DeleteWas she that way b4 d whole wedding ish? If she wasn't, then she's jealous of u!
DeletePoster and Blog analayzer, if you gals are having your wedding in Abuja or envions, please patronize me for your weddinh cakes.
DeleteI will arrange for cake tasting.
Click on my name to see my cake pictures an contact info.
Thanks.
@post, just do your thing and ignore her. Na she sabi.
Nice one lady england after marrage evrybody go their way.
DeleteVery well said. She might just be overprotective and like you said, she says it's from stories she's heard. Since you do not like her answers, simply so asking her questions. And when she does make one negative statement, give her a hug and tel her how much you appreciate her looking out for you. But that she shouldn't worry, God has got everything covered up for you so you would want her to put on her joyous shoes and have fun planning this with you.
DeleteIf that doesn't work, then you will have to either grow a thick skin by ignoring her or you will just have to stop including her in the plans.
I Dnt tink she's jealous of u o,she's been protective,wot church does she attend,gud 2 start 4rm dere o,my mum attends mfm nd everytin must b done secretly o,neighbours nd frns must nt hear,even wen u wan2 travel nobody shud even knw when nd wher u travlin 2 lolz,she wud say anytin u wan2 do kip it 2 urself until its done bcos d walls has ears,so she may b actin lyk mum
DeleteIts not evrythin dat is jealousy.the feeliing is kinda normal and happens to most gals wen their close frnd is getting married,only the mature ones dont show it.my opinion shaa
DeleteIts not evrythin dat is jealousy.the feeliing is kinda normal and happens to most gals wen their close frnd is getting married,only the mature ones dont show it.my opinion shaa
DeleteMy dear everyone posses jealous trait. Even Almighty God is jealous when we worship other gods and not him. so who is your friend not to be jealous.Just stop giving her more infos until the date is close. And yes i some how agree with her try to be a little bit more privy on ur wedding plans not everyone including ur bestie wishes u well. Good luck!
DeleteHubby experienced the same thing when we were planning our wedding and he was left with no choice than to leave his friend (best man) out of the whole planning process. You don't need anyone to stress you out. Surround yourself with positive people.
DeleteSome people are just too security concious. And like you said, you don't have money for these things yet so why are you on a high budget already.
DeleteMaybe that's the reason why she's complaining about ur being too extravagant And like seriously Some of the things listed in that list is really uncalled for.
People would come, eat and leave . A wedding is never an investment so Be mindful of how you spend on it. My own bestlady was the best. We agreed on everytin and she didnt show any sign of jealousy throughout
Why do u guys think she is jealous because of her singleness? Even Stella alluded to that. What if it was a married person that had negative things to say? Me I'm not married and I know how people think so even when I know someone is marrying a donkey, I just smile and say congrats. I have a friend who is getting married to a "God fearing" man that sleeps around without condom. If I were married, I might hint her. But as it is, I don't want to be called jealous.
DeleteI dnt think she's jealous..........pray abt ur wed.
Deletedont think bad about ur bestie
ReplyDelete@sdk all dose lists u just gave out,,does nt follow @ all....
Abegiii....if she no get relationship nko?....what if she has a stable relationship as well?
Lets stop all suspicion here n dere......cant somone gv her own ''contribution'' without pple tagging dem as '''enemy of progress'?
Dear Blog visitor....relax......ur frnd is happy with u.....
Bcos i kno...some blog visitors cant ''reason'' by themselves....what eva @sdk said...dts what dey follow as ''yardstick'' in deciding dere own opinion
@Galore
EXactly
DeleteShut up you this Calabar dog. What do u know? Go back and face your studies. Yeye the smell. Ashawo one kobo
Delete@ Galore. Am strongly with u on this. Dear poster, bcos u already think she is not happy 4 u that y everything she says, u read meaning into it. Plz slow dwn 4 a second. Try and see things 4m her own point of view...Goodluck!!
DeleteGalore,where is my money? U think u can just run away with my money because I pressed that your flat tire breast. U better bring that toto here or else I deal with u anywhere I find u. You even deactivated your facebook account because of me. Thief
Delete@Galore, I reason with you big time. @Poster, when you were dating your guy, did you hide it from her? Has she ever told you to date this guy, he's handsome and funny, you might like him and you bluntly told her " No I can't he's not my type." Then few months later, you gave her your wedding invite. Did you?? If you have, then you re not a good friend. Simple! You might be a very secretive friend which is very bad for her friendship with you. She might not be in a good relationship, but she tells you stuff! But you chose to be 'secretive' then probably rubbed your announcement off her face like "whoop I'm getting married." C'mon I believe that is what you did. Cos according to what you said, she's not Jealous then how come she is like this????
DeleteIf you're guilty of what I stated, then amend and apologise to her. But if you are not, that's means she's Jealous then avoid her. Happy Married Life
DeleteMadam poster, if your friend said you should be wary, is it a bad thing?...by the way, most of the things she pointed out is for your benefit....what do u need reception dress for if not waste of money?....if you think she's a pain In ur ass, don't ask for her opinion again.I'm married and those are some of the things people advised me of. Just cut your coat according to your material and stop disturbing your brain that your friend is jealous. What's the ish with this bff of a thing sef?...i have so many friends and i treat all equally...Ŋo palaver will happen In future and i'll start lamenting that my bff betrayed me...bff ko, bff ni!
DeleteMadam poster, if your friend said you should be wary, is it a bad thing?...by the way, most of the things she pointed out is for your benefit....what do u need reception dress for if not waste of money?....if you think she's a pain In ur ass, don't ask for her opinion again.I'm married and those are some of the things people advised me of. Just cut your coat according to your material and stop disturbing your brain that your friend is jealous. What's the ish with this bff of a thing sef?...i have so many friends and i treat all equally...Ŋo palaver will happen In future and i'll start lamenting that my bff betrayed me...bff ko, bff ni!
Delete@Galore, u are so right. Mayb u shld think deeply madam poser, u already know the answer to ur many questions. Just bcos u are getting married before her doesn't make u better or luckier than her. So stop d superiority complex. If u call some1 ur friend, u theb shldnt pick everytin she says as bad. Park well joor! Body dey sweet u cos u wan marry, babe u go soon know the d reality. As per engagement ring, she's damn right. I sold my engagement ring to an aboki after my marriage cos I didn't have any need for it. She probably knows ur state of finance n dts why she's saying don't be extravagant. Dt friend of urs sounds like me tho. BBM is full of witches n wizards true true. it's too early sef to make noise abt ur freakin cheap wedding. Carry urself comot for road abeg.
Delete@stella, NEXT!!!
Twinnie
No, for the first tym I'm going 2 disagree wiv Galore. Only a jealous person sees ONLY the negative things in everything n wunt even be able 2 provide solutions to those "negatives". Haba!
Deletei Laugh wen ds FOOL called @Lapa Shandy come under ANON to talk bad about me
DeleteBuhahahahhaa
U think am botherd?
Eyaaaa,,,for ur church mind ooo
###Hisssssssssss#####
@GALORE
@Anon 1:29....A.k.A @Lapa shandy
DeleteBuhahahahahaha
''unam IKOT''
Odiok onor fii doooo
@Galore
LOL @ Anon 5:58pm twinnie. hahahaha damn you badt gannn! No be small carry yourself comot for road.... Stella text! Sdkers you guys wunt kee person me here.
DeleteHehehe so @Galore is your my person? Ok lemme do busy body and interprete it. It means "e no go better for you". Lol
Deleteyou did the right thing madam poster,but always know that some real bff are full of envy ,is either u guys moving at the same pace ,or let them move first ,she is jealous.why isn't she the one getting married she is human ,madam poster shine your eyes and you will see.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteAbeggi. R u dumb? She's not jealous of u? Wit all d reasons lised above? Ifai hear...And who says its too early to strt planin or shopin? My dear pls read d handwritin on d wall. Ur frnd is eida jealous or she is d enemy she's been telin u about. Ppl plan weddings and dey strt dier shopin even 9mnths to d D-day and ur frnd is der talkin shit. Its wen she puts her fingers in ur eyes dat ur eyes will clear.
DeleteHahahahaha…Madam did i hear you say she is not jealous of you??? Some people are soooo naive!!!!! Ok, take it or leave it, your friend is very very very jealous of you, she is not a good friend not to talk of best friend, you are better off with out her friendship, if you don't let go of this friendship she will be the cause of your down fall, she dose not want you to get married . ( if you like take my advice )
ReplyDeletethe truth is she's happily jealous. she wishes u well but she wishes to be planning just diplomatically keep her outta preparations. whenever she asksabout anything, tell her its been taken care off. that way, she'll understand she's a pain in the butt and she'll change her perception f negativity and genuingly help you out. congratulations and dont forget to send in pictures later.
ReplyDeleteOyib
Oyibo
Exactly what I did to my bff, whenever she asked, I'd tell her everything is fine. That helped put her in her place as I couldn't handle her attitude towards the weddn n all.
Delete*cough* *cough* is this my sister? identify yourself now o...
ReplyDeleteLol...
DeleteLol not me sis buh I understand wat this poster is going tru unlike her bestie, mine have been wondeful so far
DeleteLol not me sis buh I understand wat this poster is going tru unlike her bestie, mine have been wondeful so far
DeletePoster,Run run run away from her....na over jealous dey worry her....rembr to have a standy by chief brides maid coz she might end up disappointing you that very day.....
ReplyDeleteYou are right!
DeleteLol,all these m u say de isn't jealous?
ReplyDeleteMine didn't even send a congrats talk more of attend.
Me in my strict sense didn't bother giving a fuck.
Just focus on ur wedding,it may be ur last in ur lifetime.
Make it worthwhile
Because if she ain't jealous,she will find solutions like suggest a wedding colour to you..she is jealous jare..be matured about it..dont quarrel with her just ignore her and anytime she counters u..ask her 4 a solution and if she doesn't have one.Tell her to stick with your decision shikena..
ReplyDeleteWhy do girls still keep besties sef?
ReplyDeleteI tire ooooooooo...
DeleteGOD WILL BLESS YOU FOR THIS COMMENT.WE ARE NOT IN PRIMARY SCHOOL LADIES! LET YOUR FAMILY BE YOUR BEST FRIEND. IF I START TO TALK ABOUT WHAT MY THEN CLOSEST FRIEND DID TO ME, WE WILL NOT FINISH THE JIST TODAY. I WILL NEVER HAVE ANY BESTIE AGAIN! PERIOD
DeleteThank you. That was what came to my mind as I was reading her writeup. Best friend in this day and age, then after una go de sey she de jealous you and co. It is a normal thing to be a bit jealous (human nature) but not to a detrimental point. Even sisters and families de jealous, how much more friends? U are even lucky she de talk am all out to you sef.
DeleteSince you already know the kind of person she is, no lament too much and just do your thing. Shebi na make she wear CBM dress stand beside you that day? Shikena.
Am happy i av d best bestie in d whole wide world.all d poster av said about her bestie is d opposite of mine.am planning my wedding and its coming up in MAY and she has been so helpful.i don't even know how 2 thank her enough........dear poster,wat i can say 2 u is dis...just do ur thing d way u feel its ok and leave d rest 4 God.u will be surprise ur wedding ceremony will come out great.all d best.
ReplyDeleteYOUR EYE GO OPEN SOON!
DeleteAm sure u'l stil go under anon to say negative tins about dat same 'best bestie'
DeleteMy dear,most girls are always jealous wen their frnd is gettin married.my trad wedding is june n ve started buyin tins.am too happy to even notice any jealous frnd nw.jus apologize to her and ignore her attitude.
DeleteNonsense! Dear poster dont be naive. Ur bestie is jealous jealous jealous! I had almost d same experience, it was my flatmate that was negetive and I gave her a very long space after I confronted her about her negetivity. My bestie at the time was angry I didnt use her as my maid of honor.(my kid sister was my maid of honour, abeg blood is thicker that zobo) planning my wedding made me know those who are truely my friends.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, do your thing as u want, make sure ur fiance is in agreement with u, involve ur sisters in planning ur big day and get a neutral colleague at work to help. With these,u wont be stressed in planning. Leave all dem besties! Afta d wedding u can sort yourselves out.
Mya
^ a 5-star comment
DeleteIyawo congrats, it's not too soon to start planning for may, infact ur aso ebi should be almost out by now, so that u can quickly recover ur money back and use it for other preparation.
ReplyDeleteInfact ur caterer should be aware to lock up d dates and church as well, even ur brides maid should know the amount they are spending coz some might not have it immediately and need to save up.
Anyways, d long and short of d epistle is that drop ur Bestie like its hot and move on with ur planning.don't encourage validation from her again, u can only inform her about her roles and amount she needs to table.
If she shld get angry u 're not involving her again, tell her ur mum or aunty took over d plans since u 're busy, better still tell her u hired a wedding planner.
U know what they say, about singles not giving advise on marriage, coz they haven't been there, once it's her turn she will understand better.pls give her a breathing space afterall it's your wedding.
Congrats and pls pray very well, and cover urself with d blood of Jesus.enjoy d fun and be happy.cheers
Mayb u over do tns, try n act normal n c if she can help contribute as well n not acting like someone dt got a visa to congo. She may not be jealous but ur childlike attide pisses her off dts y she aint contributn.
ReplyDeleteYou've said it all......
DeleteDear poster, u re being paranoid about ur wedding and all. Besides it's too early to be in pressure already for a wedding that would take place in May. Ur friend is like every other good friend unless u ve pretenders as friends.
ReplyDeleteTruth hurts, to be sincere celebrating on BBM and announcing about a wedding that will happen after Easter now is too soon. God forbid what if something comes up and ur wedding got postponed? How will tell those u ve told already about the postponement? Its good to be joyous about ur wedding but don't let pressure get to u. Remember if u spend all ur savings on ur wedding, after u will live with the regret.
Don't quarrel with ur Bestie or anybody cos of ur wedding, handle all her advice with care. Don't follow all the thing she say, but don't regard them as nonsense. Some of her advise might be true.
I don't know why some soon to be brides use to have problem with friends and family alike. Ask ur self, ur Bestie is not the person u re having problem with based on ur marriage issue. At the long run all the advise u re given will turn out to be the truth. Just be careful.
Exactly
DeleteWhen we were looking for a wedding venue, that was how we went to this venue and we met them mourning, they said the bride died, u can imagine? Not your portion in Jesus Name,amen.Whilst it is good to be excited and celebrate, do not over do it or spite anyone consciously or unconsciously,like your friend said, reality is not every1 is happy, be wise and pray.
DeleteIf the bestie is not jealous,she can atleast see or say one positive thing....if the color is too bright or dull....suggest a better one.....jst have some positive impact jare......dear poster, awld suggest u get anoda friend of urs as ur bridesmaid ˚Ooº°˚Ooº°˚Ooº° ...to prevent stories dat touch the heart on ur D-day
DeleteU get sense pass all d mumu for here abeg.
DeleteBest comment yet.... personally the list of complaints is in the bride to be's best interest. I wish some ladies will not see wedding day planning as one way ticket to heaven.... you live in a society where not everyone that smiles at you is happy for you. guard your jewel. You can plan with out making so much announcement. My trad wedding is closer in date than yours and I am not even bothered about anything.... I ve contcted those that have a major role to play... cake designer and caterer. drinks will be bought n paid for the month of.... another person will get the invite 1 week to the day. and yes I have stopped using my picture on my dp... used my guys picture some time back and over sabi and olofofo couldn't let me breath. In this age of social media we have lost our sense of privacy. A lady gave birth and immediately showed the baby's picture on her dp.. very soon pple will start showing how their babies came out of their vagina all in the name of updating your dp.. you let in evil eyes just by the little thing you take for granted. BE WISE. Marriage is not about the wedding day but about the rest of your lives as a couple. Plan and leave the rest of the world about your plan. They are not contributing financially so why bother them with all the details...
DeleteBecause sometimes they rub it so uch in their faces without even considering the feelin of rejection dat their frnds might be goin through.
DeleteRubynnia:
ReplyDeleteMy take is surround yourself with people who radiate positivity and push you to your goals when they see you being lackadaisical or behaving sluggishly.
It's your wedding; please enjoy it the way you want to. My own is don't be in debt after the wedding.
For peace sake, apologise to her and any "suggestion" she brings that you don't like, just say "thank you, I will consider it" but do that which is in your mind.
I've come to realise that some people are just pessimists by nature; they only see the bad/negatives and not the positives.
It's not too early to plan for a wedding; the earlier, the better. Haven't you heard of those who plan 2years before the d-day? Before you know it, May will come knocking.
Dear Poster, have read that "as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he"? If u think ur bestie is jealous about u, then it shows that if u were in her position, n she urs, u would feel the same way. It could just be that she is afraid of loosing your friendship and attention as a result of the marriage, nothing more. Some friends are so over possessive n protective too.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you for this. To me, it just sounded like someone that has heard a lot of bad stories and is looking out for the best for her best friend. I think the world would be a much better place if we all just looked for the positive side of things abeg
DeleteYou should use your tounge to count your teeth dear
ReplyDeleteMadam poster ur friend is verrrrry jealous of u and its a good move confronting her and keeping her at bay. When my hubby engaged me, I had two besties, told one and she couldn't wait to take nyt bus dat same evening to come start helping with d preparation. The one who was in dis same lagos wit me, started yapping about how too early it was, y was I rushing? She came up wit plenty ifs and why's. I told her friends/family support d 1 dey love so far d person is happy, even if they r not in agreement with the person dey v their back. She didn't talk to me for over 4months. Finally she started chatting me up and next thing I know she's pleading to come stay with me at my place cos she doesn't v where to stay after her uncle travelled out. She's at my place now and she's so grateful, wev not revisited d topic though, but she from time to time states that she's grateful, I don't discuss anything about my family with her now,lesson learned. Cos my hubby isn't in the country, she can stay awhile. So be weary of ur bestie but forgiveness is key.
ReplyDeletePls becareful ooooo,be prayerful and be vigilant,its good to accomodate peeps who are in need of a place to stay like this your friend,but pls be watchful,dnt be too relaxed and let her over enter you and know what is happening between you and hubby,i mean when you receive calls,i would say you dnt even receive hubby´s call in her presence,that way she wnt know what you guys discuss,because ladies are funny,jealousy even springs up from phone calls and rapport on phone,pls beware.
DeleteStella after this one please post a story on how brides treat their friends single friends when they are getting married. Its a 2 way thing. Many girls become very mean and talk down on their friends when they are getting married. My best friend got married last year and ever since then, she keeps reminding me about my age and saying things that hurt. As if I will marry myself. Calls and texts every weeks with things like 'any hope?' Or 'you don find manv'I have cut her off because of that. Now people that don't know will think I'm jealous she's married but I cut her off cos I always get depressed when I speak to her and she reminds me I'm 30 and not married.
ReplyDeleteam younger than you and i get that alot too. it will pass joh...no shaking. just laugh over it and be cool.
DeleteNa craze dey worry her!...α̲̅πϑ who told her all marriages are ЂαppƔ?...pls dnt allow her †Φ make u miserable In fact, run away from her. God will provide ur own man that will bring you peace and joy of heart.
DeleteEyah sweerie I feel ur pain.
DeleteSome grls r lik dat oh. Even d unmarried ones. Sufa say them get bf nd u nor get them go dey ask u winch questions lik say: so no man in ur town is lookin @ u? Or u r drivin them away?
I swear wen I giv one one badt answer eh she respect hersef na.
As it turns out am evn gettin married befr her wit all d winch questions she dey ask me last year.
Some grls r wikid nd heartless
Eish
U did d rut thing by cutting her off, I am married but I don't remind my single friends dat they'd are still single, it's bad, Gods tym is d best Biko.
Delete30 is young and you could find a man that you will marry in less than 7 months. Things happen. I am 35 going on 36 and only just married less than 2years. Wait for the right person and don't be put down by anyone's comment or snide remarks. In fairness, they think you are choosey or just can't be bothered, just don't let it be a distraction and don't go to church hunting for husband cos you might me meet a man with completely different intention - don't be too desperate. When my friends were all getting married, before they cut me off, I am already done with then - marriage don't make you any more superior sorry. Like they say, it is not how far but how well. Peace of mind is what matters. Everyone one of my friends trying to preach to me before I got married low key initially, only came to my wedding briefly to come and see if I was marrying out of desperation or an old man. Guess what, they were all in for a surprise......my husband is very handsome, humble, good with kids, fun to be with and every other nice thing wrapped into one. I shielded him from them for over a year......just kept them guessing. So my dear, a good man will be yours if you are patient. Just be yourself
DeleteYou are so right, it is a two way street. Its almost as if if you are single, you have to take all sorts of bs. I was studying for usmle when my friend was planning for her wedding. She involved me in her plans and I let her know I couldn't deliver at a time when I was going to the library 24/7. She became cold and told another friend that I was jealous. Simply because I wasn't available to go gown shopping and check venues with her. And I did try my best but she just didn't understand the nature of my exam. So its definitely a two way street
DeleteYes I can relate to this...just got married to a handsome young man when all my married friends thought I would not. Man nobi God jare..theres somebody for everybody!
DeleteDis is sooo real...some peeps just change in a funny way, had a friend dat got married, I was so active in her wedding n all...after d wedding she n her husband moved to ma state ph, I tried contacting her at least let's see n all, till date we stay in d same town buh av never seen her or even know where she stay, I was sooo touched n felt stupid wif ma self for tryna connect...
DeletePls find other positive ppl around you at this time of your life..
ReplyDeleteBridezilla in da house!
ReplyDeleteDump her like a pack of cards; she probably dint knw ur r\ship wt d guy wud workout. She is amazed its finally leading to marriage. Its once in a lifetime event, make sure u do it to ur heart's content. She shud nt dictate f u.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, i bought my gown 1 year before ny wedding. I got my personal items out of d way first with input only frim sisters and cousins.
ReplyDeleteMy bestie who was my chief, i got her msmt for her dress. She didnt see it but it was beautiful n she loved it.
What u need to do is give them assignment.
Bestie: follow up with drinks n small chops. These are the vendors i hv chosen. Mk sure u get the best. This is the money i hv budgeted. Let me know ur top 2 and why by next week so we can pay.
Bridesmaid 1: please follow up with my trad tailors and hair person...
Etc. Divide the labour! The final decision is yours. The one that cant do should move aside.
hello dear, you did the right thing by cutting her off for now. this should be the happiest period of your life so please cut off from all negativity.
ReplyDeleteYou are ofcourse also doing the right thing by planning carefully even before funds come so you are not running around last minute like a headless chicken when the money comes.
Your friend sounds like she's finding hard to be happy for you, i don't have to ask, I can guess she's unmarried. This doesn't mean she's a bad person, she has probably been feeling very lonely and wants to be married herself, so you getting married is rubbing it in her face and its too much or her to bare, so she is taking out her frustrations on you.
Still her behaviour can not be excused, emotions like envy and jealous are second nature to humans, but the difference between good friends and bad friends are... they make a conscious choice to not give in to such emotions, but instead to be happy for and suppport the people they love.
Your friends should be supporting you, she is not a good enough friends if she can't put her personal feelings aside and support you and what is one of the most important periods of your life.
You've spoken to her already, that was a good move, but instead of her to do the right thing, she is now trying to guilt trip you, even worse, distance yourself from her through out the whole wedding period, UNLESS
She comes with a full apology that lets u know she realises what she did wrong and it wont happen again other than that, distance yourself from her, after your wedding when you are fully settled.
you can broch the subject with her again, if she still maintains her stance, i would say cut her off or keep her as a casual friend, no longer a close friend.
Her jealousy will only increase as you settle into married life, have babies etc.
she might say things to poison your mind against your husband when you have domestic squabbles etc. i'm just trying to let u see how situations like this can escalate if they aren't properly handled.
I wish you luck and hope you have a wonderful wedding and a very happy married life filled with nothing but love.
I was going to comment as well but not anymore. This sums it all up. All the best and Congratulations dear
DeleteLol. Poster it is very normal. I had 3 very close friends. Before my trad, one started acting up. She said I didn't tell her marriage was on my mind all these while. Meanwhile the 3 of them started dating men way before I had the courage to venture into it. She also had a lot of negative things to say about how everthing was being planned. After trad, we hardly talk. By the time we are planning for wedding, the other started acting up too, hers was so bad that she didn't even attend my wedding, she gave the excuse that she has to go to work that saturday to monitor ATM, cos she is a banker. The other one too that acted up during trad also didn't turn up. I felt bad that my so called close friends weren't happy for me. I told my mum and she said it's normal with girls. The 3rd girl was amazing. She was my maid of honour and she did her best to make sure everything went well.
ReplyDeleteAfter wedding, the 2nd to act up apologised and confessed she was jealous. That among the 4 of us, I dated the least and I'm getting married before them, while none of them is in any serious relationship. I accepted her apology and we are cool now. The 1st to act up avoids me like mad now. She never calls or ping. Even if I call her or ping, she will not pick up or reply my pings for like 2 days then later claim she was too busy at work. When I put to bed, she didn't come to visit, when we did child decation, she didn't come, even 1 year birthday party, she didn't turn up or call (she was duely informed and invited). I'm tired of forcing myself on her. I no send am again.
So dear poster, please ignore her for now. Plan your wedding the way you want. She will either get tired of being jealous or quit the friendship. If a friend can't be happy for you, then she is not worthy to be called a friend.
Well, maybe you could apologise to her just for peace sake, but still keep her at arms length. You don't need negativity in your mental space right now. And the truth is, you may need to learn that its not every issue one can confront somebody about. Sometimes, when you notice something you dont like, it may be more beneficial to take note of your observations and act on them wisely, without confrontation. All the very best, and happy married life.
ReplyDeleteOf course and most times confrontation makes the one confronted more calculative and smarter with their evil dealings,so at times confrontation isnt necessary just watch the person,then its either you plan a counter move,or you keep the person at arms length,that way you are safer and saner.
Delete@ Anon 2.19pm_ Apologise for what? For planning a wedding? I dnt get it! Must we always play d fool cos we r christians. Abeg d babe needs to shine her eyes!
DeleteM̶̲̥̅γ̲̣̣̥ dear congratulation ahead, Beware of ur bff, she shuld b helping out, hapi and be ur prayer partner not be negative in All wat U̶̲̥̅̊ r trying to achieve also becareful of ur bff "Sum pple dnt like U̶̲̥̅̊" get dis straigth ur bff is among does dat dnt like U̶̲̥̅̊, she is JEALOUS bcus U̶̲̥̅̊ wanna marry b4 her also der is notin wrong for U̶̲̥̅̊ to start praparing ₪w̶̲̥̅, it helps U̶̲̥̅̊ get sum tinz ahead and rite, it also help U̶̲̥̅̊ seek financial help wen need and make U̶̲̥̅̊ av enough rest b4 ur DDay. Wishing U̶̲̥̅̊ Success into Matrimony
ReplyDeleteUr friend is jealous if u.its either she hasn't realized it yet or she does already.
ReplyDeleteShine ur eye.if I were u I would cut off friends now that ur getting married.They are extra baggage and ruin marriages.i have been married for nine years with experience and I'm only 30.
You don't need negative people around you now,she is obviously jealous.
ReplyDeleteShe's not jealous and in most things she's right. She's worried u r spending above your budget because she knows your budget. She's just sharing her view about your colours etc......just don't damage ur friendship now......just let her be and do ur own thing......
ReplyDeleteshe is jealous.... it is almost normal for her to feel that way. but she did not handle it well in my opinion and truth be told i think she meant well when she gave all those advises regarding dps and all....she must have done that based on the rapport between the both of you. are you overreacting? NO... is she jealous? she is as jealous as can be... should you talk to her and resolve your differences? i think you should.
ReplyDeleteyou know the reason why she is your bestfriend.... you know what you have been through with her..i dont. so my advice to you is take some of the advises she has rendered, using your discretion as a guide.
however, i personally suspect people who always have something bad to say about everything and everybody. but i cannot categorically say that is the case here because i only know your side of the story..
so bottom line use your discretion, you have been friends with this girl for a while(am guessing) so you should know better. have a wonderful wedding and a blessed marriage.
Now I knw aw much I owe my bestie. I got married in Nov and I avnt stopped thinkn abt aw helpful she was and has been since I met her abt 10yrs ago. I av always called her my everlasting friend...infact she joined us at the honeymoon destination 2days before we left...its kinda coincidental bt she planned her flight to come in 2 days before we left instead of comin in afta us. It was fun.
ReplyDeleteI dont stay in naija...my bestie did everything, took annual leave d whole week of my wedding...moved in with me as soon as I came in for d wedding ...always insisted I wasrestin well while she did d running around. She has always been dis way...even if I avnt seen her in 3 months, I can just call her and say we need to see asap...and she wl show...unlike oda friends dt wl first accuse u for nt bein in touch.
It only pains me so much dt she has nt been too lucky wt men...she is so beautiful and in as much as I love n respect her for her amazing personality...I dont think d guys r seein her dt way.
She organises my life...once we meet...she wl always re-arrange n sanitise my handbag cos she always says I leave lots of rubbish in my bag.
I am just praying to God to make her happy esp now dt it seems she is gettn frustrated.
@poster...if ur friend is usually like dt before d weddn ish came up...just do ur best to carry her along n ignore all her attitude...God wl help u overcome d frustratn she is tryin to bring along.
Cheers
Y do girls always tink dat cos dey r getting married 1st r wen smtin good happens 2 dem deir friends must b jealous of dem! U dont know if dat ur friend is gonna get married 2 a better person dan ur husband! B4 u list all dis u already v ha in mind na...abeg carry go God wil giv ha her own 2...Everybody is hatin r an enemy of progress cos u 1 marry mtcheeewww
ReplyDeleteHmmmm wedding is a very sensitive affair,i bless God for giving me mostly supportive friends on my wedding,but two friends i expected didnt show up,i didnt even ask one till date why she didnt come,and she didnt tell me the reason,the funniest part was that she had started acting weird before the wedding so i knew, thats why i didnt bother when she didnt show up or offer any explanation. The other one has always been jealous of me right from childhood,but i liked her still because she has her own very good sides too,my mom had warned me about her while we were young but i never listened we were still very good friends,till she met my hubby,she saw the guy and how humble and loving he was and am sure she didnt believe God could bless me so much,she even said it one day while we were all gisting that ah she knows me now that there is no one i cnt forget,or let go,no matter how the love is hot,ah alarm rang in my head but my hubby didnt even hear her hahahhahahaha. The one that broke the camels back was some months to our wedding she called and said a man of God called her from home and said she has a friend and that she should tell that friend to look well before she leaps! and that immediately she knew it was me?Ah hmmmm i was like ehn ehn,so what do you think that means?she said she does not know o,it might be anything,it might be husband or anything,hmmmmm that was i knew this is greeeeen jealousy at its peak oooooo,even at that i didnt use it to act towards her ooooo,i even told her she would give the toast on my wedding day,only for her to call me a day to the wedding and said she cant make it,due to one flimsy excuse,hmmmm i was hurt,my mom said she had already warned me to stay clear,am the one doing miss nice,thats it o,since then i knew my lane,am not close to her again at all,we just holla once in a blue moon,and thats better. So friends can be very funny during wedding,but the bride should try to be nice and have a pure mind and be very very prayerful,after the wedding you would be able to seat back and pick your real friends and do away with the envious ones.
ReplyDeleteI don't get why friends will be jealous,I'm can't wait for my friends to start planing for their wedding,ill twerk and dance eh and put the wedding on my head sef hehehe lol
ReplyDeleteYour best friend is jealous.You too would be if she got engaged before you.its only natural. Like someone said about your friend's ideas,take some and leave some. I don't think she's overtly negative on all counts. keeping your forthcoming wedding underground for now,is a smart move.May, is still far off.There will be plenty of time for you and your hubby to grace dps in the future.what's the rush? Then again,I think you are a bit show~off~ish with this wedding planning.why consult the girls(BBM?) on every aspect?You know quite well she's envious,yet you parade gowns before her? I guess lately, your wedding is the only topic you discuss with her, as if you two no longer ve anything in common! Your friend aint here to defend herself,but I am sure she has a lot to say about how you ve been taunting her indirectly,under the subconscious guise of needing a second opinion. Babes,you ought to chill with the movie,'Bridesmaid'. My final word is,plan your marriage.just as you re running around for the fanfair,which by the way,is just 2 days.Pls invest in some wisdom on the rudiments of being a wife and mother.Meanwhile,keep your tastes to yourself and let the chief brides's maid pick her dress.By the way,why a bbm group for maid's dresses? Sweerie,you sure know how to rub it in. Happy married life in advance.
ReplyDeleteNot fair Wide Eyed. I had a bbm group. I actually thought someone wrote this for me lol because the same things happened to me. I had a group because my bridesmaids were from every part of my life and ranged in age from 20 to 30. I let them pick their dresses. Just gave them a colour and they all shocked me and picked the same dress. We scheduled fun meetings and hangouts before hand so they could meet and my MOH was my planning buddy. Until she ran away that is. I realise now that she really was happy for me and just had her own family issues to deal with.
DeleteShe may not necessarily be jealous to the extent of planning evil oh, but reality has set in that you are getting married , you dint indicate if she was in an alter bound relationship. you need not tell her everything, sometimes you can go on the Internet and search if you need certain ideas on your wedding, putting up pictures on dp is cool but some people over do it,be sensitive towards her, if she advices sometimes you can agree with her, you need not take the advice though, pray for her. I had this friend then when she got married we no hear word, my husband just gave me money to change my wardrobe, my husband did this, he loves me, she will buy herself val cake just to paint a rosy picture. Me I am coded, no bestie, just general friends, i told my friends like 6wks to my wedding, I heard one of them rushed to ori oke to pray and cry to God.
ReplyDeleteIn all honesty, Every girl has a little bit of jealousy/envy when their friend gets married. Especially if they are single.
ReplyDelete1) they are losing their friend.
2) they will wonder when it will be their turn.
It however does not mean they are not happy for you. Neither does it mean they do not want the best for you.
Like you said, you have been best friends and you know she is not jealous. Why can't you just ignore all she is Saying then? If you know she is not jealous, why are you bothered? Is it because you would be Jealous if tables were turned?
Marriage planning is not beans. A lot of friends will get angry. For not tellibg them on time, for not giving them aso-ebi. You have to choose if you want to be fighting people over your wedding or if you want to be a happy bride to be.
It's your choice. Pick your battles. But no battles. Not one is good for a bride to be.
Turn a blind eye and see just the good in people.
Wish you a happy married life
Be very diplomatic. You don't want problems for yourself. On the other hand, u don't know what she's talking about. Perhaps she has seen or heard smfing that she needs to warn u abt but dosnt know how to put it to u. Then again, don't rule out possibilities of her being jealous. Besides pple say when good things are happening to u is when u can't be sure of what's happenning around u. Just be careful and deal with her in a mature and diplomatic manner so she has nothing to talk abt. I'd say involve her, if she becomes negative abt it, just get ur mind off. Ignoring her is not a good way to be sure what's really wrong with her.
ReplyDeleteMtscheeeeeeeeeeeeew,best friend indeed.u better make Jesus ur bestfriend and borrow urself better brain.
ReplyDeleteIf your wedding is coming up in may, it's not too early to start planning
ReplyDeleteIt's good to plan early, it eases u from a lot of stress
I started my wedding plan in april and it held november
Some CBMs to get wahala, mine actually wanted to give me headache and I quickly put her in her place
I made her realise its a privilege singling her out cos I av several gals willing but my pickin her was cos I feel she's the best of them, I also made her realise she has stick to my choices cos its my wedding and needs to accord me that respect.
If she's not cooperating, leave her outa the plan and move on.
You are in Davos Switzerland and it is SDK readers you are looking for! With all the governors, ministers and billionaire there. Not to talk of presidents! Some people can never progress. You better shine your eyes and hit the streets. Hiss!
ReplyDeleteMy dear just have a clean heart. Don't be bothered at all. I had 3 besties. One returned my aso ebi, the other claimed she had an accident while coming. The last one came to see for herself.
ReplyDeleteIt's your day. Whether she like the color, the dresses, the other bridesmaid does not matter. If she can't suggest anything, then let her sit at home and do your thing, she can come back the day of the wedding. Even if you want to do a royal wedding, as long as you can afford it, do it. It is your day.
ReplyDeleteAs a bride to be, I am normally very conservative and minimalist. But I've decided to go big on my upcoming bridal. I've had the criticism too but I truly love my fiance and he has made enormous sacrifices to be with me in a time of pain and struggle where many had abandoned me including family... He led my hand, picked me up and cared for me like the rest of the world did not matter. I have friends who told me they don't know i they would have been able to do what he did for me to their own girlfriends. So just for the blessing that god has set upon me to have the kind of man that would not blink to sacrifice himself for me, I am gonna have a lavish wedding. Not for my ego, but for the joy and gratitude that I'm feeling, I want my guest to be and feel the joy, the love and the blessing.
I don't want, nor plan on marrying anybody else after this man, so I'm going to splurge. It's your day, make it whatever you like.
@ anon 2:03. U are very right. My bbf (so i believd) got married last 2yrs and she has bn behaving funny. God knows i av neva envy her cos i strongly believe dt i will settle down soon. I av bone her witout regrets. I was her maid of honour and i strongly believe dt she might b tinkn dt am jealous of her. Such is life.
ReplyDeleteShe is not jealous. Na wa 4 una o. Some people are just like that, they see d negatives first. Use that to your advantage. Eachtime u have a good answer to her questions, you know u r on the right track. Also give her a positive answer and reassure her. Its just her view, she is a private person. Everything to una na jealousy..lol
ReplyDeleteMy Dear, the truth is ur gf is nt happy with you, cos if she was, she shldnt have said she hasnt done a wedding b4 so she doesnt know how to plan, sure she has attended a wedding b4 so she shld knw wat shld and shldnt be done. when i was getting married, my bestfriend/chief brides maid was the one running around for everything, she is very good with planning and me, i dnt really like getting worked up,she handled everything, from the caterers to the decorators, everything, except my wedding dress, she negotiated everything well, infact, people thought she was the one getting married and not me, i just came to my wedding as a guest cos she got everything intact, if there was an issue anywhere, they wil call her instead of me, she was so helpful and i could see in her eyes that she was so happy with me, so my dear, if ur gf isnt helping u make the list of what you need now, then she will not help you at all, cos planning now isnt early ooo, some good caterers have already been booked for 4mths down self, i had to book mine 3mths b4 the wedding, so dear, let everything be, you dont have to talk to her, when your wedding is getting close, ask her if she still wants to be your chief brides maid, if she says no, den move to the next girl. And my dear, be happy, some wants to marry you, some people dey find hubby oooo, so thank God for urs.
ReplyDeleteStella come and explain yourself oooooooo,where you go since ah aha na waaa,you owe us plenty stories tomorrow oooo,thats the compensation for bailing on us today.
ReplyDeleteDear poster if you have alternative like your sister,niece or cousin its safer.i got married in december and everything was planed around my immediate family.You have people who loves you who can feel the joy of thier on been happy,they see it has thier day of joy too.Freinds could turn out to be your worst enemy,instead of all the negative talk she suppose to encourage you to pray and even pray along with you.My dear poster please don't use her and you and your husband to be should try within your busy schedule find time to pray together and God will grant you success,prayer is the master key.Congratulations.
ReplyDeleteGo 2 face book and u will see one By name Lucky Chy unachukwu. Dat one neva has anyfin gud 2 say abt married women. V bitter soul. She's either abusing peeps who re in love or abusing peeps who re abt 2 get hitched. Evn her so called friends she abuses. Nd she's still v single. No bf or husband in sight. Age nt on ha side. So maybe d frustration of spinster hood at ha very old age is gettin 2 ha. Beware of women like dat. Dey dnt wish u well. And deir frustration fr lack of suitors will not allow dem hide deir bitterness nd envy
ReplyDeleteLwkmd. I knw dis bitter bitch! She is like that. Alwayz chatting jargon on facebook and her bbm. Wen I couldn't stand it I told her my mind and deleted her off. I told her if husband is easy why she never get at 40 plus. No be beans! Chioma if u can see this I hope u will learn ur lesson. Package yaself well. Afterall ur sis dey hubby no 4 so u must get 1. Kpata Kpata u collect one of her ex. Or her hussy. Na ya work be dat
DeleteSincerely, it's your days and not hers. Choose what you like and stick with it. 20 years down the lien, you don't want to look at the pictures and be unhappy because someone made you change your kind. It's your day, please do things your way... I am talking from experience. Had a makeup artist lined up and my girlfriend twisted my hand so I could use her sister in law. What happened? It turned out not like I expected.......and 1st thing husband said was "what's this on your face? You did a better job for the registry". So my dear, stick with your choices.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm God help us from frenemys
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, I got married late last year n I have 3 single friends that were wonderful to me. From the day they learnt of the engagement, they started planning with me. All I can say is that they were wonderful. In as much as u think your friend is kinda negative, think about what she said, I mean it's okay to be hapi but don't announce lots of things too soon just to be on a safer side. It's okay to start budgeting n planning asap, time sabi run well well. My advice is, try to tone the publicity down, less is always more. Also, do what makes u hapi biko, I wanted very beautiful hall n cake so I spent a lot on them. Above all, just know that people will come, eat n leave, and some will neva agree that they enjoyed @ur wedding o, they will say they didn't eat, just wait till the wedding video comes out then you will see them enjoying the choicest food @ d reception. BE WISE n HAPPY!
ReplyDeleteAll you need now is serious prayers for a successful wedding and not publicty. As a newly married babe I can change dps of us or my husby as long as I want simply for the fact that he does that too and it gives that inner joy that your own appreciates you. It is not for any other person to scrutinize or criticise. Just wait until you tie the knot then do as you please. Do what makes you happy and of course what will make your partner walk 10 inches more above ground level but that will be after the wedding. These days are evil. Stop the publicity for now and pray! My 2 cents!
ReplyDeletemy wedding is coming up in less than 7weeks now,and av I inform anybody? he'll no!am not the bestie type,am very sensitive wen it comes to friends and I know am very secretive,babe ur friend might not be totally jealous Cuz there are some iota of truth in wat she saying,before u even start planing weddinng once d date has been fixed u need to go into serious prayer and fasting,before u can now say u informing people,or friends, just resin with ur friends and plz is not everytin u tell friemds truly, it kool to plan,but small small abeg I don't need to rub it to thwir face,belive me this kind of friend are the one dt will stay with u tru though time,it natural for her to feel jealous but be careful abt it too,Goodluck
ReplyDeleteHi its normal for her to be jealous, she is human. Don't condem her its a face, she will get over it. But really you don't have to stress ur self. That is why event planners are here for you. Am an event planner my job is to take care of every tin, including distribution of the aso ebi to ur friends. Plan in the bridal shower etc if ur interested in my service u can call mi on 07065156485 or bbp 74bcc644
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