Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Woman...Do You Know How To Treat Your Man? Search Yourself!

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Sunday, January 05, 2014

Woman...Do You Know How To Treat Your Man? Search Yourself!


Nollywood actress Omotola and Hubby Kissing..lol

I have been receiving Anonymous comments accusing me of being anti-men..haha!
How can anyone think that?i live with all men..i love ''men''..oh heck,i sprouted from a man's blokos!..so tell me how on earth i am anti men.

anyways,today lets discuss how to treat our men right......sometimes we read stuff that other people do to their men and it works out,even if it is wrong and then we go home and try it out on our men and it backfires and we cry 'wolf'.
Here are few tips on how to make your man feel he is the best thing God created for you.





1. The man in your life need all of the compassion, patience and support you can find in your heart, to help them open theirs.

2. Part of improving your relationship with a man, whether it’s your husband, boss, father or brother, etc, it is not just understanding his
behaviour but also taking an honest look at your own behaviour as well.

3. Believe it or not, you may be bringing out the worst in the man you love by the way you behave around them.

4. He needs a wife and a lover, not a mother, so stop treating him like a kid who does not have brains.

5. Don’t scold or correct him in public

6. Even when he is wrong, talk to him nicely but at the same time make him believe it was his bright idea that solved the equation, a confident man will not be afraid to admit that his woman is intelligent.

7. Stop being over-helpful by doing things that men would naturally rather do by themselves.

8. Stop thinking you will become indispensable when you make the man depend on you.

9. Dont you think pet names or abbreviations are better  than calling your husband/boyfriend “daddy”.''ori mi'' ''baba iya mi''.......

10. Mind your language, especially when you are upset. You may think men forget hurtful words easily. That is a huge lie, they remember everything you say that is capable of damaging their ego and self-esteem.

11. Do not use phrases like “I thought you were this but now I know better”, rather try saying “sometimes I am hurt when you say this or do this, it worries me”.

12. You cannot change a man who is set in his ways but your attitude and the atmosphere you create around him can do the magic.

13. When he is going through a difficult time with work and his abilities to accomplish, he will definitely not be in the right frame of mind to focus his attention on relationship issues.

14. Even when you are having issues and arguments with your man, there are three things you should never deprive him of (food, shelter and sex).

15. Your husband feels extremely rejected when you reject his sexual advances, especially when there is no physical or spiritual justification.

16. Men like their wives to also initiate sex, it makes them feel wanted.

Good luck as you reflect on this few tips and try them out...you never know,it might be the magic wand you have been looking for to change things in your relationship.

127 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Not ok. Men on this blog need to speak up more and stop sending silent mails to stella. When you guys keep quiet u make me believe everything men are being accused of is true.
      Note: I am a young impressionable girl

      Delete
    2. No. 14 is wrong,
      Even when you are having issues and arguments with your man, there are three things you should never deprive him of (food, shelter and sex)." <---- ure not meant to have sex with sm1 ure in a relationship with, ur just meant to support, sex is for marriage, nd marriage alone.
      Stella take note.
      End time is coming.

      Delete
    3. Abeg free stella jooor,she is just being realistic don't bring realigious Sentiments to it. We all knw sex b4 marriage is a 'SIN'.

      Delete
    4. Abeg free stella jooor,she is just being realistic don't bring realigious Sentiments to it. We all knw sex b4 marriage is a 'SIN'.

      Delete
    5. I always deny my man sex whenever we r having issues cos I believe if we make love,he will feel that everything is fine.

      And it works 4 me shaa.

      Delete
  2. Thanks Stella.I learnt some things from the write up

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...Like, women should also initiate sex, abi?

      Delete
    2. Do you see something wrong in a woman initiating sex dear unknown?
      Unknown I run a gynaecology clinic and I hear complains from women who complain of lack of emotion in their marriage that they don't feel the connection with their husbands and they don't enjoy the sex . I have to counsel them and help.my dear no knowledge is lost .

      Delete
    3. Hahahaha... Moi stella, no.4 & 9 cracked me up... Luv u stera of live

      Delete
  3. NO. 15 is underway this evening

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LoL. Why do you want to deny your husband sex this evening? He may have other options-o! Abi is that not what 15 says?

      Delete
  4. Nice tips. Men also likes surprises once in awhile. Cook him a special dish to celebrate him. It must not be on his birthday, also try new adventures with him. Thanks stella I learn a lot here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tried out that new adventure thingie, oh my did it backfire. Abeg I no try again!!!!

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. Was the post written by Omosexy or are u talking about how nice her kiss is?

      Delete
  6. Good one!
    I deviate,i Saw this comment under one post "if you take away everything a man has including his PRIDE he becomes violent" how true is this in Relations to DV? Are all Men that have ever hit a woman Devils? Did the woman play a role? Can a Violent man be tamed? Can an extremely quiet man turn abusive given the "wrong" woman?
    I've seen situations where a guy hit his gf and he swore that that's the first time he ever raise his hand on a woman, she called him a LOSER
    Its always Women Women Women, what of the Men? You see a situation where women boast that if my hubby tries this I will make sure I do this or that, but if its the Men we cry DV!!! People can be push right?
    I mean even I get the urge to slap or throw something at people when i Get really angry.
    My point is some cases of DV is it really the man's fault? People keep saying "if he hits you before he will hit u again" how true is this?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My dear from a slap to a kick,from a kick to a punching bag,from a punching bag to d grave!!! Ladies pls don't b afraid to speak to someone about verbal, sexual, or any kind of physical abuse.

      Delete
    2. Not always the men's fault.I know of a woman that does numbr 14 to her husby (no fud, sex nd worse of all locks him out of his own house)
      He has never raised his hand against her.if he does beats her 2moa walahi il congratulate him for his freedom.this man sleeps at malls somtimes wen she locks him out. Nd yes I av witnessed it at least twice. She claims to have terrible temper. Now tell me, wat kind of a man won't cheat on her given this circumstance? The wife never listens nd would soon regret her actions

      Delete
  7. Ok oh
    Well me and my man are happy together
    He treats me like a Queen
    I treat him like a King
    That's the key!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BITCH. I don't believe your LIE. Oh btw, its a LIE and its not meant to be believed, BITCH.
      Sorry about the way I sound. I learn quickly and I learnt to write this way from u. LOL.

      Delete
    2. Bitch stop d lies! Who dash u king and queen? Stupid Bitch!

      Delete
  8. Sis sterra u r on point today(100%).But do u do all of the above ur self ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehehe
      I wantd to ask her d same oo.
      But u be real agbaya sha

      My own motto is
      2 treat a man exactly d way e treats.
      Give him back his own melecine.
      I no fit kill mysef bcos of man oo.
      Na sickness kill my grandmama no be man oo.

      Delete
  9. I need advice o ppl....I do all these o esp d sex part he and responds,buh he neva wanna take tins outside d bed,even wen I want it on d floor (in d bedroom o) he still insists on d bed,am gettin boreeeed stiff.recently I met dis lil girl n we've been frnds,d issue now is dat am havin sexual feelins 4 her,she's such a lil innocent girl,don't knw if she knws wat she's doin buh she's always huggin,touchin,peckin etc...I rly don't knw,d last time we were 2geda I had to restrain myself frm kissin her. Help ooooo!!! Wat shd I do?my marriage is jst 5yrs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Excuse u, bored HW, did u say ur having sexual feelings 4 a 'lil girl', or boy, which 1? Is dat a typo graphical error? *confusedface*

      Delete
    2. Even if i give you my candid advice Stella will not post it . This makes me tried sometimes to comment.Stella to be honest , i am not happy at all. You have a choice of visitors you post their comment. I'm a very busy woman, i visit your blog when i'm less busy. It's so unfortunate or fortunate that i love your blog but you just have a particular set of visitors you pally with. Stella if you like post this comment but i really sure you must have read this before deleting it . Even if you don't post it , well i take it like that. I'm not good at using abusive names on people. SO BEAR WITH ME. THANK YOU.

      Delete
    3. Not typo....a girl,not so lil anyway abt 20

      Delete
    4. Confused too! Anyway, whether it's a boy or girl, flee from temptation and turn to God o.

      Delete
    5. Better concentrate on ur marriage and live d girl alone, u might think she is innocent till she ruins u.

      Delete
    6. Please is the complainant a male or female?Abi you are bisexual? Initial complaint was about a he and now you saw a lil girl.

      Delete
    7. Princess Charming5 January 2014 at 18:12

      @Bored HW. Pls don't do this to that innocent girl except you don't have a child/children and you don't intend having any in the near future. Cos what you intend doing is introducing the little girl to Lesbianism which is very wrong. You know what they say about "Karma", "Karma is a bitch" he respects no one. Try and work on your marriage. I guess your hubby is not used to that style that's why you are a woman,you've got the key to control him. when he's untop of you in the bed, initiate another style to him either fm behind, then after few mins, try and act like you enjoy it so much then use a sweeet voice and ask him to join you in the chair, from then on the floor, then in the bathroom/ kitchen that's how its been done. I'll advise you rebuke that evil spirit tempting you. *forgive my typo error*

      Delete
  10. This is beautiful Stella!
    I like d part of 'don't overdo what dey can do for themselves bcos u tink u want to help..mmm

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Queen Bee's hater5 January 2014 at 16:43

      Shut ur trap!!! Ur own *horseband* that u ve' turned into a MUGU. He now looks and talks like an imbecile. Yes I Know U. BITCH!!!

      Delete
    2. ^^^^^^^^^ hater you get time.3 weeks max and you'll be cautioned

      Delete
    3. Queen Bee's Hater, Abeg wetin be ur own... Y u kon dey put mouth 4 anoda person matter??

      Delete
  11. Good advice i don hear!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Abeg oh me I want to ask a question.
    How about when you treat a man exceedingly right and he still remains the jerk that he is.
    My man can be very annoying.
    He avoids marriage talk like a plague and would rather not say anything when you are trying to resolve issues. He believes after that day the issue should be forgotten without even talking about it.
    You can never know what's on his mind and he will never plan with you.
    I don tire abeg. This 2014, I'm moving on to better things!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dang! The red flag.. Dude isn't interested in marrying u

      Delete
    2. Time waits for no one, don't threaten him but make him understand dat u are a woman and will love to settle down someday and ask him what does he think, if he continues to keep quiet my dear pls give Ida men chance, who knows by d time he notices dat u can move on he might be forced to propose and if he doesn't pls leave him.
      @Dimma pearl

      Delete
    3. @Dimma pearl, are you married to Eze Nwankwo?

      Delete
    4. My guy shy's aay from the marriage talk, tho he keeps telling me I shouldn't bother he's not leaving me, we're in this 2gedaa etc. I know he wants to marry me but the real issue is when. His mum doesn't make it better sef she keeps saying she wants her 2sons to marry 2geda coz she no wan spend money(society woman of liife).
      I'm almost certain he's my soul mate coz no matter how I meet richer and better behaved guys, this man makes my heart calm. So the courage to walk away I have!! Arrgh!!!
      If I meet a nu guy and spend d next year building a rel and still don't get married nko. When if I stay in 1yr max,my bf will Marry me-. Crazy choice!!
      My own papa doesn't make life easier. All he mentions in morning devotion is marriage. I'll be 27 this year o. My parents r really frantic ehn, pressuring me, is this how you'll behave in your husband's house?! See this person is married, see dat one just gave birth. If u close and come home to sleep, next na your mates will be cooking dinner for their hubby now. Iif u r late for work, so if u had school run to do this morning!
      They're ready to marry u out to spoke/stick or even one yahoo guy that was ready to marry me last year just so they sef will celebrate marriage. Smh
      Make I no kill this space with my wahaala.

      I want to marry but not under this pressure, I love my bf but they're making my wait hellish while trying to settle my relationship stuff. If only I even knew how to broach the topic to my bf.
      Abeg I'm tired!

      Delete
  13. Good advice i don hear!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you expect a woman to treat a man ad in ur write up after he made it clear that he will never take me to the alter after having two children with him.

      Delete
  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Nice article. I use to be guilty of no 11 and 16, it was a huge problem for us. I later change my behavior and things got better. Men are like kids.They need a lot of pampering. I belive that for one to have a successful marriage,'we women need to be humble and also control our mouth. Sex is very important in marriage. if you give it to him well, I don't think he will look for it outside.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. colico you are a real woman, you took the words right out of my mouth

      MG

      Delete
  16. Well me I'm a good girl and a sweet lover and I know how to treat my bobo ryt. Im not perfect tho cos I know I'm a very difficult lady. But Stella wait oo, u mean I'd be having issues with 'husby' and u expect me to give him sex? well I dont think so ooo. food and shelter, no problem. but sex???....still thinking Debby Akinola

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Debby, you will jam better competitor who will snatch home from you one time if you dong allow for banging o. All other things you said you will give, food and shelter are freely availanle outside and will lead him to sex which you want to hoard. Be very careful o. Sex is a major determinant in divorce and separation matters o.

      Delete
    2. What about loosing the interest in having sex with him because he's not being faithful. Wish I could support myself because I'm no more in love with my partner, sex with him is like chores. Just because I don't want his trouble

      Delete
  17. i swear,,,i did not read anything

    Am just lazy like that

    All i noticed was @OmoT and Blechy Bleachy husband Kissing

    @Galore

    ReplyDelete
  18. *16. Men like their wives to also initiate sex, it makes them feel wanted.*.....sooo true stella, i hope my wife reads this

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes dear, I will improve. I thot men enjoyed solely being the hunter but am gonna be ur hunter tonite!

      Delete
    2. Or you can forward the link to her :). Good luck

      Delete
    3. Princess Charming5 January 2014 at 17:38

      Hahahaha @anon 3:04pm. How do you know that's your hubby's post? No be only hunter. LOL

      Delete
  19. Ok. Thanks Aunty Stella. Please do a post for men. Tell them how to treat their women. The average woman already knows how to treat a man good (some just choose not to apply this knowledge). It's the men that need this lecture more. (Most especially that one that doesn't want his wife to kiss her own baby) .

    www.thelmathinks.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I tire o.The most imp thing is just know ur man. Some men like wicked women o. It turns them on. #True story

      Delete
  20. Very valid points
    ...but will like to add that not all tips work for all men.
    Men are different.
    Women, know your man. know his likes and dislikes, as well as his mumu button and then activate your own 'sensible-mumu-button' when necessary to make him love you silly and have a happy home.

    A bit of a task it is, but if you want it to work out, then you got to work hard.

    Lemme give an example. Your husband is broke but has ego problems. He feels insulted when you give him money to bail him out of situation. Don't get angry that you tried helping and he turned you down. Apply wisdom. (Sensible mumu) when you massage that ego, he will eventually come around accepting from you.

    Example 2: he wants sex, you are not in the mood or don't feel like it. Never say outright no to him. #sensible mumu-activate# act in d mood, allow him shag u, moan if can act it, don't forget to off the light before u guys start, make e no surprise say u de moan but de squeeze face. It will be over before you know but you've kept him satisfied.

    #work mehnnn! .yeaaaa...but marriage is work-filled if you've got to keep a happy happy home.

    #patience, humility, Accepting your faults and the ability to overlook some certain things...is key.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @ Bloglord, Where is d like button for dis comment. U really made my day with dis.

      Delete
    2. And what if its that kinda man that bangs for ages? My boyfy works offshores and his hobby is sex. He cAn fuck for an hour and still want to go for 2 to 3 time a night. When He called me on the 1st, he asked why I had to take a pillow and cover my face while he was ontop of me? I told him I'd talk about it when he's back. Well I covered the pillow becos I was crying. I hate the way he's crazy about sex and its tearing me apart. I have a good relationship with him. He's like my bff but sex with him, I dread. When I complain, its like he doesn't even believe me. For him, all women must love sex. I have told him any woman that can really endure him loves sex or just want to please him. If they stay with him for a week, they will end up complaining except they don't want to be sincere. Or they want to win his heart.

      Delete
    3. BL
      Am yet to ear of a nigerian man who is broke n proud to his wife oo,
      Indications dat a man is broke are
      1. Him body go calm lik ice-water
      2. He wants to know ur views abt anytin during such period.
      3. He wld want to plz u all d time
      4. Even u sef wld notice d changes, n wish ur hubby cld be broke for d rest of his life

      Delete
    4. Pink shell, ye right! Lol...EEE!!!

      Delete
    5. Anon 3:19PM, so sorry dear. I really understand how u feel when u are dating sum1 who stays 4 long when aving sex... U just av to continue talkin to him and be open about ur feelings. I also heard dat dere are sum sex styles dat can make a guy kom early like When he is on top of u, close ur legs together and tighten.

      Delete
    6. Weres d like button @ pinkshell
      U really nailed it ooo

      Just dat I don't want him to be broke 4ever OOoo

      Delete
    7. I used to b a hopeless romantic till I met my hubby. He enjoys me spending on everything including while he keeps his own. Even to spend on me na waya. He hids his money sef I taya. As fo sex, I had a high libido until I discovered he has Serious ED issues. Now m like a stone in my home. Haven't had good sex in over 7months cus he can't keep an erection. To crown it, he's very stubborn n proud with wetin I dunno. So as much as I love this post n wld want to adhere, it won't work with my husband. M just marking time. I can't kill myself fo that man he's not worth it

      Delete
  21. Rolling my eyes. So I will do these? I have no formula abeg. I go with the flow...do me I do you. Hahaha. Tongue out to you DH, I know you will see this. Hehehe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abi o, na do me I do u. I aint got time to be any man's mugu

      Delete
  22. Tnx. I have learnt a lot from this .Will sure do better this year!Amen

    ReplyDelete
  23. Noted!!! Hope you give them our own tips..on how to love a woman..they need it more than we do. Umunwoke di egwu.. Ehee @Neva deny him sex when you are having issues..buhahahahaha how can he even ask for it when you both are not cool??? .

    ReplyDelete
  24. S to D K, if you like, do these ones and more, person wey no like you, no go like you. Infact most 9ja men don't even know what they want! They are so insatiable. Tell me, how can a man in his right senses cheat on his wife that adores him with his househelp? They will cry ' I want a career woman', yet when you get home late from work due to piled up workload that need to be submitted, they will complain. Some will say 'I want a full time house wife that will take care of me and my kids' yet, they will be the first to complain when you demand for money.
    Kwo, the list is endless, if a man wants to be submitted to, to be loved and respected; he has to lead the way by loving the wife just as Christ loved the church.
    *forgive any gbags or typo*

    ReplyDelete
  25. Yeahhhhh, am new in the game and from what I just read am playing it well. my husbanding is a wonderful man. He is 4 year Older but I respect him a lot, He treats me like a queen and I try To treat him right cOs I can't affOrd tO loose him

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Omo d correct girl!! B wise oh no let in all dese desperados husband snatchers take away ur joy!! God bless ur union till death do u path!!!amen!!

      Delete
  26. Yeah these are all right but come o stella ow can we abide by all these? Anyways numbers 6,10 and 16 are universally correct and holds true for any man. God help us oooo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Taaaaa!! With ur bad mouth,no man go gree retain u!! Lai lai!!! Xcept u change 4 good!!!!

      Delete
  27. Princess Charming5 January 2014 at 14:46

    I call my Boo "Honey" and he calls me "Imaima". Well, am also guilty of No.10 and 14(a) sha. Have asked God to change me this year most esp No10. I was also guilty of No5 too but he tought me how to handle situations like that. SDK thanks for this, you're such a darling..........

    ReplyDelete
  28. Do not forget the place of prayers, the powers of a praying wife solves wonders... God bless you SDK...

    Dear Future Hubby, I love you already

    ReplyDelete
  29. Stella, nice 1.

    ReplyDelete
  30. learning ,but when one is angry you must submit your body too ,hmm dat one hard oh,am on longtin

    ReplyDelete
  31. Most men are so insatiable no matter how much we try
    I pray I marry a man that would respect me and appreciate me while I try my best to make him happy

    ReplyDelete
  32. I'll pass this one. Stella thanks

    ReplyDelete
  33. @Anon 1:29, I advice you to take off, its not just the commitment issues its not wanting to resolve issues, sweeping things under the carpet never solved them. Paulette

    ReplyDelete
  34. U better go and pray and fast so that the demons making u attracted to a little girl such that you want to kiss her will flee, u have bn married for 5yrs? Nah you know oh, if u like destroy your marriage and run here for advise .

    ReplyDelete
  35. In life, there are no hard and fast rules. Thanks, Stella.

    ReplyDelete
  36. @bloglord,u said we shud learn how to activate our own mumu button so as to enjoy d marriage.i agree with u to some extent.am dating right now.d guy is already complaining abt my outward appearance(we are born again xtians)so he doesn't want me to put on make up,no fixing of weavon,no jewelries and no putting on trousers.i dont know what to do .we av discussed it but he still insists he prefers me natural.pls sdkers,advise me on what to do.no other problem aside this.am a pretty woman btw.thanks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pls were did u find dt man cos dts d kind of guy I want. Someone dt will appreciate me for who I am ie being natural, btw I am very beautiful(not boasting)

      Delete
  37. Nice one Stella
    @Dimma pearl

    ReplyDelete
  38. Av always known all these tips u shared n am stil learning. Am nt yet married but God bless d man who will b my hubby cos an gonna giv him an evryday kingly 5 star treatment(provided he treats like a queen in return....). I giv mysef a 8\10 wen it coms t pampering a man.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Av always known all these tips u shared n am stil learning. Am nt yet married but God bless d man who will b my hubby cos an gonna giv him an evryday kingly 5 star treatment(provided he treats like a queen in return....). But d basic thing is t knw wot works f ur partner; evryone of us has unique luv languages. Find out ur partner's n speak it right away.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Ok I have a question. I have been celibate for some years now and I just met this guy about 5months ago. he's everything I could have asked for, treats me well and we are taking it slow. I told him how I feel about sex b4 marriage and he seems to agree with me. Although sometimes the urge is there. Now believe it or not, I know men love sex so I'm getting scared that what if I loose him to someone else that is ready to satisfy his sexual urge, if I was a virgin it's a different thing but sadly I'm not. I'm even asking myself what my point is. Do you advise I give in or hang on? Pls don't cuss me out, I'm very confused

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hang on...If u really wanna hang on

      Dont let somone force u into what u dont feel like doiing @ all

      If he truly loves u,,He will wait


      @Galore

      Delete
    2. The guy/guys u have slept with in the past,what came out of it? U have to stand for what u believe in and not compromise. A guy who has good intentions won't leave u because u refuse to sleep with him. When he gives u his last name then he is free to do whatever,however, wherever with u.

      Delete
    3. Anon 4:43...pls discuss issues with ur boo...let him no u r just celibate n nt a virgin n if u question ur decision then its high time u gave in...

      Delete
  41. Sweetie,

    The term natural has many definitions and it is peculiar to every individual. There's nothing wrong with being natural, but im sorry to say....your man has it completely twisted.

    This over zealous Christianity we practice in Nigeria and even Africa as a whole drives me up the wall! A woman MUST and I repeat MUST look good ALL the time and certainly not primarily because of a man, but to feel good and appreciate yourself.

    I may sound biased about the weavon issue because ive been rocking my natural for about 10months and loving what it's done to my hair; thus I feel you can live without fixing weaves.There are alternatives like braids. ....cornrows. ....ghana weaving...etc

    However, you've been wearing jewelry, makeup and trousers almost all your life right? Do you sincerely feel you can adjust to NOT being yourself all because of a relationship? Let me ask you this though, do you wear heavy makeup like the thickness of emulsion paint? Do you fix weaves the lenght and thickness of an amazon forest??That could also be a huge turn off for a man. Less is always more.

    On the other hand, a lot of our men are archaic these days.....young and old alike. Some of them I just tag 'ara oko'. They may know what's cool and nice but because of their 'im the man and the boss ego' they will never agree. If you like wear the nun outfit, it still doesn't stop a man from cheating.

    Finally, neither party should force an ideology/way of life/belief on the other, you need to meet halfway or else there will be friction if you eventually decide to get married.

    Best wishes

    ReplyDelete
  42. @Anon u say u sabbi me?

    Hehehehe..for ur church mind oo

    Oo,,bcos of d email wen i dey use?

    Ee don be say na my name bah?

    Siddon dere,,make pants dey wear u

    @Galore

    ReplyDelete
  43. Pele.

    Sex is a confusing neccesity and contrary to what people say about sex strengthening a relationship, I belive it kills it.

    I heard the story of a lady who was a strict born again Christian with strict principles and values that was conned into marrying a man who is sterile and impotent.

    They went the ' no sex before marriage route ( which im an advocate of by the way).....and the man played on her naiveté....hid it from her during marriage counselling ( devil ) and she found out the hard way.

    I applaud you for being celibate because these days alot of men are looking for bedmates and not partners so you have to be assertive. But most importantly, please do some research on health implications that could arise from being sexually active and abstaining for a long period.

    Finally, it's your body and you alone can decide what to do with it.

    Take care.

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    1. Thanks so much. I appreciate it. I'll do a research on it as you advised, I've been celibate for 2yrs, just scared of loosing this man

      Delete
    2. Don't be scared and please don't allow him see this fear so he doesn't walk all over you.

      Remember as women, our instincts are hardly ever wrong. Don't follow your heart, it can be misleading. Follow your intuition, get down on your knees and pray. God never, ever sends us on the wrong path. We do a good job of that already......Yorubas call it 'a fo wo fa'(something we bring on ourselves. Usually negative).

      You'll be fine. Do something new to take your mind off it. Hope you feel better. It's a new year, stay positive.

      God bless you!

      Delete
  44. @Anon 4:43 I will say hang in there don't give in. It will make it seem like your yes is actually no and no yes. Stay strong and try and avoid situations that can lead to sex. Even if he walks, then he wasn't for you, because sex never equates love. Paulette

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  45. hang in, Because once you give in the relationship will end. And then you start from the top. let it be your hubby u sleep with next not some ex.

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  46. I agreed with u Stella that men like their wives initiate sex because my hubby always complain about that but the point is that men are easily aroused, right? Sex is a blood tonic all marriages need. So when there are issues in our home, don't deny him . Yeah, its not easy Ooº°˚ ˚°Âºoo but i just let him have his way and by morning, issues don solve. It has really helped in my 8yrs of marriage.

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  47. I have learnt something and promise to follow it

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  48. Sharon, since you guys are still dating, you will have to know what things you can compromise and what you can't before you both tie the knots.

    if you feel you cant let go of your dress sense, and he is head strong that you must,.... reach a conclusion!.

    either you agree to dress the ways he wants you to, or he lets you be, or you begin to think of leaving that relationship.

    so, discuss it and reach a decision.

    simple issues like this burst into bigger problems later and then it seems like marriage is a hell-hole.

    marriage is about compromise.

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  49. @ posh,thanks.i put on light makeup and d only jewelry i wear is earrings.d only thing am addicted to is d trousers.how do u say goodbye to God's will?i realy like d way i am.i dont want to change a thing.am so confused right now.

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    1. Hi Sharon, you're welcome.

      My belief is that in life your personal walk with God is what counts and not how others already view/will view that walk. You can never please everyone.
      Unfortunately alot of us have also misconstrued what religion should be.

      Bloglord is right, marriage IS about compromise, but you choose what you are willing to let go of wisely.

      My Mom stopped wearing trousers in her early 20's shortly after she got married simply because my Dad didn't like them (still doesn't. ....hehe).

      Guess what? She's almost 60 and grandma rocks her jeans/leggings once in a while.....which I find rather amusing. In the end, its whatever makes her comfortable that counts.

      Bottom line, as long as your relationship with God is on track; you're dressed decently; you have a good dose of self esteem; you're empowering yourself; you feel comfortable in your skin and clothes and you're genuinely happy from within......you're on the right track.

      Delete
  50. Pinkshell, such men dey o! I know a case or two naim make me take am cite example. hehehe. men and ego? mtchew!

    na lazy men no get ego/pride wen it comes to collecting from women. but a hardworking man who somehow is having a bad time with finances, trust me, to collect money from im wife go hard am. he feels insulted

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  51. I agreed with u Stella that men like their wives initiate sex because my hubby always complain about that but the point is that men are easily aroused, right? Sex is a blood tonic all marriages need. So when there are issues in our home, don't deny him . Yeah, its not easy Ooº°˚ ˚°Âºoo but i just let him have his way and by morning, issues don solve. It has really helped in my 8yrs of marriage.

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  52. My husband has began hitting me about five months ago. And in the last five months he has hit me five times. Serious slaps, repeatedly! Am even pregnant and he hit me yesterday. You may be wondering why? Well let me sum it up. When we have arguments before am even able to express myself he has already insulted me to my family, if I even manage to get a word out which is not an insult, he'll hit me, saying I've insulted him. In this five months I have become a shadow of myself I can't even talk again. By the way all these problems stems from his cheating. He thinks I don't know he has renewed his ways. Every time he hits me, he apologises and says it will never happen again. Yesterday u saw my life flash before my eyes. Am pregnant and he hit me severally. Once I get the opportunity am moving out. I think I've lowered my standards so much, made so much excuses for him all in the name of trying to make it work that I don't even know who I am any more. My parents will be shocked to hear he does this, and I know once I make this known to them, there is no going back. My husband cares so much about his rep. There will be no more marriage after I put this in the open and I don't care; I'm ready to take the leap and face what's out there. I am a 26 yr old lawyer with a masters degree from a reputable uni abroad, I can find my footing myself.

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    1. First of all, you're a very strong woman and I'm glad you know what route to take. A man that will abuse you physically and emotionally is a coward and I don't wish for that for even my enemy. Please for the sake of your child, don't delay in moving out. My Aunty died in her husbands house because he was abusive. Be rest assured that God will take care of you and you won't lack especially since your parents are there for you. I'll put you in my prayers.

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    2. I think your story sounds too one-sided. Why don't you tell us the other side of the story. Though, I won't and don't domestic abuse but your post reeks of ego and pride. What da heck do expect us to do? That you are 26 years, lawyer and have masters abroad and blah blah does not give you the latitude to run your mouth anyhow. I hope this is not how you kept on reminding him that you are lawyer,26 and with masters abroad?

      Do the needful and stop blackmailing him with all these irrelevant stuffs. I have no pity for people like you.

      #Zane

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    3. Dear You,
      It's easy to sit where you and comfortable judge others and have no pity. Thank goodness I wasn't looking for your pity in the first place.
      I have never ever reminded my husband of my educational background. Did you read where u said I can't even open my mouth to talk??? Instead he's the one that reminds me all the time that he contributed towards my education. I repeat ALL THE FREAKING time. The only thing I have written that is biting you is not pride but who I truly am. It has become apparent for me to remind myself of this and hold my head high otherwise he'll beat it into a pub.
      Now I get tired of typing but ill try my best to give you the summary and maybe my hubby's contact so you get the rest of the story from him if you still feel its one- sided. We have been married for 2 years. I have one child and three months after birth I discovered he had started cheating. I confronted him. Talked to him as calmly as possible admitted to being unfaithful and promised to change. I forgave him and we moved on. Mind you he said it was my fault! Honestly, I can't of a thing I did to just months after giving birth to our first child. But I said nothing n worked harder in EVERYTHING. Then I left to do my masters that is seriously biting you, for about a year. He visited once, we had a nice family time and he returned. I returned a couple of months back to fin my stuffs missing in the house like my hair, some clothes. I also found things that didn't belong to me either. At this point am exasperated. Texts from girls who were pregnant for Jim and cussing him out for abandoning them. Some of these girls are even in the same uni as I was. They may even know me. He buy all sorts of gadgets, money to make up for cars and renting houses. The full works. So I started the gentle talk again. 'Is this what you want dear? Does this really make you happy?' He gets aggressive, tells me it's my fault ( Biko how?)

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    4. He says well you don't communicate with me, you don't show me love, am not attracted to you cause you don't work( ps: I just finished my masters five months ago and when I asked to be look for some experience he had vehemently refused saying e had other plans plus our town is not safe for me to go out bla bla). Yet at the slightest opportunity he will not fail to remind me I don't work and I just sit at home doing nothing. ( ps: throughout this marriage their has never been a time I wasn't actively doing something in the advancement of my life whether I was pregnant or nursing). Now this new outburst of cheating cannot be talked about cause he doesn't want to hear it. He explodes, blames me and if I can even get out one word it's a big slap n insult on my family and ancestors and then he'll remind me of all he has ever done for me and how I am ungrateful. One time I was ready to pack out he told me if I left I should never come back. I didn't mind but nigger locked the doors and took the keys and proceeded to slap me some more just to get his point home. I don't want to die here. I still play it cool, but am afraid this guy will bring home to me n my kids some disease. I know if there's life there's a way
      And all am Trying to do now is preserve my life and that I my kids. Yes You I am all I've said I am, if my husband shuts me from saying and knowing who I am, surely you can't do that too.

      Delete
  53. So sad to hear about your situation poster #117. Sometimes we do everything right in life and still end up with the shitty end of the stick. May God guide and protect you through this pregnancy and in your quest to freedom from bondage.

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  54. zane you made the most stupid comment here...you are utterly brainless...you interpreted what you wanted to interprete abi? she gave us her dossier to tell us she can stand on her own not a woman who is jobless or at the hubby,s mercy......some men r just heartless and are abusive by nature......my dear get out fast and live your life, no man is worth it.....besides you can suffer a miscarriage cos of the pressure.......

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  55. my dear girl, dont even bother replying this foolish zane person whoever they are......this guy is not worth your drama.....men who cheat are sometimes abusive like that and unneccesary defensive....they will never admit they are wrong and sadly ur staying there and taking all his shit wont solve the problem......trust me the hitting will not stop cos any man who touches a woman who is pregnant has no conscience......don't let your case be like dino melaye,s wife who endured for 10 years and still was disgraced out of the house.....you are young get out now and make a fresh start before he kills your self esteem finally

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  56. thunder fire that your stupid mouth zane.....you have no pity for people like her? do u think with your arse? how does her post sound like pride?

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  57. Zane! Are u happy now??? The problem is ppl are so quick to judge and jump to conclusions! Ur comment was sooo unwarranted and sooo cruel! D fact dat she's pregnant and she gets beat up(irrespective of what she does)dosent elicit even a pinch of pity in u???I'm sure u're lik her husband who dosent even think twice before raising ur hand to a woman.Smdh for u,Zane! U are a heartless humanbeing... We all need to lift each oda up n stop d jealousy n envy! She's 26 and a masters holder!Is dat d reason for ur jealousy??? Pls change ur ways! Poster, I feel u! I really feel u! Thank God u knw wat to do!All I wanna say is dat U're strong and I jst want u to reach down,inward and find ur strenght!Move on with ur life!Take care of ur self and ur baby and God will crown all ur efforts with success! U are a warrior,an amazon! U will succeed!!!! #biggg huggg##

    Funmi!

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