Her name is Estella Ogbonna and she used to be Monalisa Chinda's fashion editor........Read her story .....
''17 months ago, I quietly walked away from an abusive marriage after just 8 months that felt like my whole lifetime!
I was ashamed that I ended up making the 'wrong choice' after all the other suitors I thought were wrong and said no to. SO, I hid away to heal in USA.... God healed me to get back on my feet again to face my career!
I had to summon up courage to even sketch and sew! I was verbally, emotionally and physically abused till I lost faith in myself and abilities.
I found God in a different way and HE led me back to my former goals, dreams and purposes that the hellish marriage robbed me of. I have been told my many to tell my story to encourage other women (especially the ones in entertainment and arts industry that its best to leave the violent, insecure man and stay alive)....but that would be laying bare my privacy too.
Maybe, some day I would tell the whole hell I went through! From being slapped in public, to being pursued outside [late at night] in my torn night gown and beaten, kicked and punched on the ground with demonic rage! Or the verbal abuses??? Called 'useless', 'ugly', 'fat' and so many unprintables! Why I am daring to even post this now is that I am soooooo pisssed off at seeing another story of a young lady that was killed by her husband. Because her parents and church told her to keep praying that he would 'change'!!! Now they are planning her funeral!!!! Another Mrs. Somebody DEAD!
IF HE HITS YOU, RUN!!!!!!! Just run!!!! Don't listen to no pastor or family member to 'stay' or that God hates divorce!! God hates SUICIDE too! Staying back with a violent spouse is suicidal! You will be OK when you walk away! And walk to safety! Cut off all connections! Stay far away! Because when you leave a violent man, he gets even more evil! He gets petty. vindictive, malicious, angrier because you 'dared' to walk away!
Statistics have shown that the number of women that died in violent relationships/marriages are those that went back even after leaving!
IF I went through all that hell so that I can have the experience, survive it and be able to tell YOU [in that abusive marriage or relationship right now] to walk away.... to stay alive.....then ....all my fears, tears, blood, pains, hope lost, hurt etc of the past were NOT in vain for your sake! On Judgement Day, God ain't judging Mr. and Mrs. It's jut you alone! Parents, please teach your boys NOT to grow up into abusers, and your girls to know they can run back home on their feet instead of in a coffin! And yes, love can find you again!! Never give up! One bad man cannot make you judge all men as evil, there are good men out there! Get over your hurt and be open to love again! I have! So can you! Shalom''.
*hmmmmmmmm she finally spilled her story?let me come in here now and add that Estella is my ex friend and before she married this man,she told me some private stuff and i told her or rather,advised her not to marry him...she munched our conversation and sent to the guy who now declared war on me and even banned her from further contacting me...i became the enemy and she joyfully went to Ghana to get married.
She contacted me a few months after her marriage crashed telling me that she should have listened to me and all that ,she apologised and i forgave her and moved on but the guy who is friends to a few people in the press had spread the word that i advised his wife not to marry him.
well the last time i know of,she told me he was asking her back and i refused to give further advise and we kinda drifted apart.
She is the reason i stopped giving personal advice to friends because her actions really shocked and hurt me!
If she took a final walk good for her!
She's lucky she escaped alive_some never live to tell their stories tho. Women should never ignore any Lil detail about a dude they are dating or courting whichever,to avoid stories that touch later on
ReplyDeleteStella, you sound like you are still upset with her. Abeg forgive her if u still are. Walking out of an abusive relationship is not as easy as people think it is. The person has to make up their mind to leave. It's solely their decision except concerned family and friends take drastic action and literally drag the woman out of the man's life.
DeleteWhy do women stay in abusive relationships? Click my name to read more
I wasn't abused but caged. I had 2 take a lonq walk afta 8yrz. There was no amount of please dat sunk. Even 4rm my parents who happen 2b clergy. If I had listen 2d tip off from my cuz I wudnt hv been a victim. I'm glad I left. I'm inluv with sumone else n he luvs me even more than I fink I luv him. I'm soo luving d xperience coz its nothing like d former. I'm happy! Will go under anon 4d very 1st time 2day.
DeleteThe 'q' instead of 'g' gave u away.good for u anyways.
DeleteDiamond...
DeleteYou are so bursted, ur anon did work. Hehe!
Lol@ anonymous 8.13pm. DiamondblinqZ?
DeleteMrs "anonymous diamondblinqz" so letter "g" and "q" dey function properly for ur device abi? #shior
DeleteWow! Would have given up on Men and Marriage totally if not for the fact that I need to have more Kids and some wonderful Stories Lucky BVs give about their Hubbys, there is still hope, people say "didn't she see the signs before Marriage"? Some Men are really Good pretenders and only show their real colour after marriage. I'm happy she found the strength to walk away.
ReplyDeleteThank God you survived!!! So parents tell their daughters to go back to their abusive husbands with the hope that they will change?..hmmm.
ReplyDeleteWhy anyone will want to stay in an abusive relationship is beyond me, once they start they never stop. Pleased ladies walk away, save yourself.
ReplyDeleteNa wao. I'm in a dilemma now. All these DV gist is making me shine my eyes too much these days. If u raise ur voice in an argument wit me, I go pack my load and end everytin, bikonu how do I knw who will beat me if I marry him cos these guys r so nice and gentle wen u date dem. Kai! God help us all ooo
ReplyDeleteMadam mind your husband and leave other peoples marriage
ReplyDeleteUr ex friend?
ReplyDeleteThat's the problem with some women...me,I have learnt my lesson too...I have stoped giving out marital advise to my friends.infact,my only advise now is PRAY lol...
ReplyDeleteEstella,thank God for your life today.....btw,Qutie,whatsup with you and your neighbour??..
We still on it...
Delete@qutie,u want to give dat woman money to move out of her hubby's house so u can be fucking him
DeleteThat's the negative side of advising people, they go back and start spoiling your name. In situations like this, I keep my mouth shut, before somebody would use me to settle their matter on their bed. Lol. Anyway, good for her to have moved on and look forward to a better future.
ReplyDeleteLol
ReplyDeletestella, always controversial.
Good for her, NEXT!
ReplyDeleteWomen are the architech of their problems. You saw the signs of abuse before the marriage you still entered with ur two left leg thinking u can change the man or is it desperation. After she will be shouting domestic violence. Msheeeeews!
I remember Estella from site Naija rules, Sad to see such a talented young woman go through a thing like this.
ReplyDeleteI was a victim of domestic abuse in my teens and early twenties. I feel what Estelle has been through because I lived through it.
I was brave enough to walk away one day after 5 years, it wasn't easy but I took the chance as I became scared for my life. I went through verbal, emotional, psychological and physical abuse from a man that was not even faithful.
Time has healed my wounds and I am happily married now..... But sometimes I just drift back and wonder that if only I knew then what I know now as a grown woman no man has the right to be abusive in any relationship or marriage.
Abusive men are weak, insecure and mentally unstable.
I remember Estella from site Naija rules, Sad to see such a talented young woman go through a thing like this.
ReplyDeleteI was a victim of domestic abuse in my teens and early twenties. I feel what Estelle has been through because I lived through it.
I was brave enough to walk away one day after 5 years, it wasn't easy but I took the chance as I became scared for my life. I went through verbal, emotional, psychological and physical abuse from a man that was not even faithful.
Time has healed my wounds and I am happily married now..... But sometimes I just drift back and wonder that if only I knew then what I know now as a grown woman no man has the right to be abusive in any relationship or marriage.
Abusive men are weak, insecure and mentally unstable.
Hahahaha hahahaha Stella u sha can't pretend abi! But it's good she walked away even as I know it ain't easy to. She is a strong woman n she'll find a good man that would love n treat her right, not some crazy ass Mike Tyson...EEE!!!
ReplyDeleteStella good uve learnt ur lesssons
ReplyDeleteHmm. As for me, I don't try to meddle in people's affairs. I just give you a general advice which is applicable to any you can receive elsewhere. BUT when it comes to DV, ol' boy! I will tell you to take off oh. If you like munch our chat, record my voice and play back to your enemies, na you sabi. Cos as I de so, one atom of strength I no even get to follow man to fight. Bcos wetin young pikin sees standing up, an elder has already seen it while seated.
ReplyDeleteBtw, @Qutie, what happened with ur neighbour dat was stripped naked and thrown out of the house? Hope she has settled herself now? Abi d don open front door for her to enter to chop more beatings? Hope she is not that gullible.
We still on it..
DeleteNa wa oh!!!! Only a weak n an insecure man beats his wife. If a man wants to flex his muscles, he shld pick on other men like him, nonsense.
ReplyDeleteHmnn abusive men r demons. Babes pls beware, it's beta top b safe(alive) than sorry. If any man hits u, beta run nd neva look back. I can't stand a man dat hits his wife/gf. My hubby can't try dat wit me. For wot? Mtchewwww
ReplyDeleteStella receive my e hugs. Imeela! U acted well as a frds
ReplyDeleteLadies never cease to amaze me ooooo! My friend did same after I adviced her to leave her bf then, now hubby who throws her things out of d hus 1s they have issues. I pray 4 wisdom on our parts.
ReplyDeleteTired of monalisa chinda nd her news!! Couldn't read!! *DIORE*
ReplyDeleteI currently have a friend who told me some private things about her fiancee and I have told her not to marry him....I don't care if she spills to the guy.....
ReplyDeleteAdaeze u don ear?
ReplyDeleteIf he hits u, run!
Or better still target his power house.
Stop the transfer of agression, its way too early in d day.
Men esp black men need orientation.
They lack selfcontrol.
Estella dis ur face sha..
It's too hard(lemme not tlk pass dis)
And the hair, be like person wey chop eba n soup, com use hand clean wall.
Stella she is still ur frnd, this is why u are her frnd, even tho its painful u have to forgive and take her back. TANI.
ReplyDeleteSay no to domestic violent.
ReplyDeleteReally good for her. Dear women,we don't have to stay in an abusive relationship,trust me,you're far better alone that with a beast of a man. I've had my fair share of abusive men. Chimo,I thank you for your grace and love and the happiness you have given me in my marriage. Sometimes I pinch my self and ask "is this me? Or am I dreaming".
ReplyDeleteDonna Stella, sometimes we are hurt in trying to be a blessing to someone but that shouldn't deter us. Take Christ as the perfect example
ReplyDeleteThere's a woman out there who will not die(but walk away and live) simply because of this confession and such woman would've died if Estella didn't go through this demonic drama and Estella wouldn't have made some great decisions if not for your priceless words of advice and her mistake mixed together.
Just take it "All Things Works Together For Our Good because We Love Him and are called according to His Purpose"
Ti amo la mia amica
Good for her like Stella said for walking out of the marriage .
ReplyDeleteWhy d heck shld she go back? Jes like she has rightly said, most women dt get killed in an abusive marriage are d ones dt went back after leaving coz then d abuse doubles and he starts giving d I don't care attitude dt if u can leave after d first time then u could still leave him again. All d men dt perpetrates dz ungodly act are cowards, petty and deserves a bullet. ANY MAN DT LAYS HIS HANDS ON A WOMAN IS A COWARD AND LESS OF A MAN. I repeat, ANY MAN DT LAYS HIS HANDS ON A WOMAN IS LESS OF A MAN. Don't care wht d circumstances and triggers are! If u think u r a man, why don't u go to d streets where real men are and fight 2 prove urself than rather using ur wife as a punching bag jes becoz they are seen as "weaker vessels" in quote
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, parents are not helping matters @ all. Some parents bcoz of dr selfish interest would rather dr daughter die in an abusive marriage jes bcoz of wht they are benefiting 4rm it or becoz of wht pple would say. Parents shld always gv dr kids d impression dt they'd always b there 4 'em dt dy can always run back 2 d house on dr feets rather than in bits and pieces. I get so emotional whn it comes to d topic of DV coz I kno how bad it can get and it's unfortunate dt as we R talking abt this right now, so many women in Nigeria are being violated right now, pured acid, and in worse cases chased wid a cutlass and it's not funny @ all *frowns*
#Not smilling @ all
Drinks
Fura
Da
Nono
9ce write up.
Delete9ce write up.
DeleteI'm sure Stella was terribly hurt.
ReplyDeleteYou see why I no dey like interfere for man n woman matter?
Dem go settle dia ish on top your head.
Sure you've learnt by experience.
As for marriage,that institution has created so many woes for the women folks especially.
Marriage in Naija seems like living in bondage to me.
It should be banned in Naija,then will you see very happy beings roaming the streets.
Crime rate might drastically reduce as a result.
My contribution
Come oh, why r u so sad?.... Wateva this country has done 2 you. U r so negative, pls stop biko
DeleteI tell my frnds 2 make deir decisions n be prepared 2 live wit d outcome cos that's wot I do. Pple know d truth most tyms n just go ahead n do otherwise. Thank God she has make d best decision n is even helping others by speaking out. Girls/women shine ur eyes n know when 2 take a bow. Guys too.
ReplyDeleteWow! I know Estelle from naijarules and she comes across as a very stong outspoken woman who would take no nonsense from anybody. She always spoke positively about our marriage and never gave any inkling that it wasn't all rosy. I guess it happens to the best of ur and I am glad she had the courage to walk away.
ReplyDelete"One hot tamale"
Are all your friends troubled?
ReplyDeleteI tire o. Check yourself Stella. Maybe you're the problem.
DeleteEstee reloaded, yhu don try abeg.
ReplyDeleteLike i would always say,a man that will beat you MUST show you signs!! We just choose to ignore!!
I am not married but its easy to identify a guy that will beat his wife. Listen to his conversations,watch his moves when he z angry, pay attention to his comments... The signs are there,no matter ow little. A guy that brags about beating his grown up sisters or has no respect for his sisters will beat his wife!
Liar....................jor
DeleteStories that touch
ReplyDeleteTouch me and see what will happen. Only one person will come out alive, and that one person is my VERY SELF.
ReplyDeleteMechie onu gi there.
DeleteTouch me and see what will happen. Only one person will come out alive, and that one person is my VERY SELF.
ReplyDeleteWomen,please leave that man that uses you as his punching bag. I don't get it. Why would you stay thinking its going to get better... Wow! I have heard and seen so many things just this week,i didn't even believe such thing happen and yet this women boldly sat and waited for their husbands to disfigured them that much before leaving...
ReplyDeletestella,this dv issue is serious o. You need to go to this organizations handling such cases and the things you would hear and see would make you go mad... How can live be that stupid? I can't even deal... I understand some people want to leave but don't know how but what of those who use their kids as excuse for staying?
Hmmm. God help us all. This is me right here but minus the beatings. He doesn't beat me but the verbal,emotional and psychological abuse is much. Plus Cheating on me. My confidence has practically disappeared. Working on it tho.... My sibblings have all said I should leave but I fear for my 4 kids. He always threatens to sieze them after 18 years of marriage. ( he has in the past) I am still here just biding my time to leave. . So so so unhappy,depressed and just worn out.
ReplyDeleteMadam,allow him to seize them. Walk out if you want to. Your kids are all grown I presume so they would find a way to be in touch with you... You need to get your confidence back you need to work on your self and be happy... Your kids would still be alive if you die of hbp,so biko walk out unless you think you can salvage the marriage since he doesn't use you as his punching bag
DeleteMadam. Are u employed? Even if u not, make enquiries about FIDA (female lawyers). Invite them to step into ur case. They are a force to reckon with
ReplyDeleteMy dear u won't blame dem o.. my situation now, My husband beat me, d advice I'm getting, pray more, be more submissive, wen he's angry run to your room and lock door, don't annoy him, be more romantic. With all d emotional abuse and physical I've got no more love to give.. planning my exit
ReplyDeleteHmmmn,may God nt mk me end up wif an abuser oh. EVE E UME
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ReplyDeleteI pity u. Meeting a satanist 4 help
DeleteStay strong and beautiful Estella
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteI am quite saddened. No woman should go though any type off physical abuse. Unfortunately, if someone has burnt their bridges with too many people, to find a decent and honest friend is very very difficult. Estella herself has hurt a lot of people along the road, laughed over those that had broken marriages and went around tellin lies on those that were genuin friends. Still this type of predicament shouldn't happen to anyone. No one deserves to be treated that way. In today's society wherepeer presdure steers women into the e rong direction. We ought to learn from the mistakes of fellow women and not doen cast each other. We won't know when it wpuld be our turn
Unfortunately families these days especially in our culture care less. One woman goes and the next one is knocking at the guys doors. There's no longer value to life. If you're are surrounded by genuine friends that truthfully mean well. Please hold them close!
That said Stella, May you know your right friends! You personally have casted out good friends out of your life, those that respected your hussle didn't down cast your work or even for one second doubted the source of it. May you learn to love and cherish them for who they are because at some point they did with you too.God blesd you.
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ReplyDeleteI am the Estella ......and I am publicly Asking Stella Dimoko Korkus for Forgiveness. After this article, I was angry that she bared my story on her blog with that comment that she advised me not to marry that man.
ReplyDeleteOh well, call it Benin Juju or whatever, I still can't for the life of me explain WHY and HOW I married that man! For one, he WAS/IS NOT my kind of man! And Stella knew it (as she knows the type of men I dated, I guess hence her insistence that I was walking into a man hole). I wish she had slapped me or put serious fear into me to definitely stop me!
Time has passed, I hope Stella has forgiven my angry outbursts. I was hurting then. I needed hugs then not 'I told you so'. I hope you can understand that. A woman going through a public separation is not very confident and secured in that vulnerable moment.
I have tried over these laspsed time to reach her but she hasnt responded to my emails, texts.
So, let me embarrass myself here on her blog PUBLICLY and say, Stella Doh. Biko Forgive. I erred. And I miss your no-nonsense Friendship.|
Estella