Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Marrying A Stranger And The Consequences - A MUST READ.

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Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Marrying A Stranger And The Consequences - A MUST READ.


This is really really sad and all i can say is that any thing that is started on the foundation in this write up is baseless and will crumble with time...My advice to you is a question.....''Why are you holding unto the dried skin of a caterpillar that has metamorphosed into a butterfly and flown away





''Dear Stella,
I am a regular visitor of your blog, i normally comment under Anonymous below is my story and journey in life....
I am 28yrs old and a career lady, M.SC holder and currently doing PH.d.
I got married 2yrs ago to a young man who is 2yrs older than me, we are from same state but he is based outside the shores of Nigeria. We never dated as it was a match make marriage.... 

He is all i wished for in a man handsome and young....he came back for the wedding 2 years ago which held in December we did both white and traditional marriage same day and we both came back to Lagos just some days after the wedding as i am based in Lagos. 

Two weeks after the wedding he traveled back to his base we had an agreement that since I was working and doing my masters then (part time) and could not join him that I will be coming during my leave and he will be visiting as well…..
Immediately he got to his base he changed he started nagging about every little thing, especially when I missed his call because of meeting or because I forgot my phone in the car or was in the bathroom he will call me all sorts of names ranging from ‘prostitute to h** and all worth not, this is a man that came to Nigeria and used my line for 2 weeks, he picked all my calls and was always at home whenever I go to work and no man has ever called or visited my house he also has my facebook password and there was never a time a strange call or message came in.


This continued till one faithful Sunday that I was sick, I was so weak cos I could not sleep throughout the night so I managed to get to the living room where I was watching TV programs, I forgot my phone in the room and after several hours when NEPA took the light I decided to go to the room only to see several missed calls from him, I quickly called him back and that was the beginning of our problems, he insulted me, my family and everything that I stand for, accused me of being with a man, I burst into tears and he dropped the phone on me.

I reported the issue to my family and when my parents called he refused to pick their calls, and ever since he left for his base after the wedding he has never called my parents.

This continued till mid June 2013, I called him one morning and was asking him when he is coming to Nigeria he said that his business just started flourishing and that he couldnt leave it, I applied for visa to visit him and my passport was delayed at the embassy for almost 2 months, and I was scheduled to travel to US for official training so I had to recall my passport from the embassy to proceed on the training since the flight, hotel and training had been paid for.

My husband got mad and started calling me out that I traveled with a man, I snapped pictures of the training and everything but he never believed, same thing happened when I traveled to London.

He stopped picking my calls for almost 4 months, so I sent him a message that I wanted a divorce last month, but he said nothing about it and never called.

On Saturday August 23rd I opened his facebook only to see that he has removed all our wedding pictures from his page and that he is engaged to his ex girl friend who is a native of his base….as we speak the girl is 5months pregnant and they are planning to get married in 2 months time….

i am shattered and heartbroken.

 I have been calling him begging him not to marry the girl, I told him that the girl should just give birth to the child ,that  he should not marry her and but he refused.
I am planning on resigning and also putting a hold on my PH.D program in order travel to his base to beg him, I am confused I don’t know what to do''.



*BTW if he marries his girlfriend whilst still married to you,if he is in Europe he will spend time in jail for committing bigamy.

265 comments:

  1. One shuld always study ones partner,dont jst rush into marriage..poster God will help u

    Pls visit my shoe blog

    www.glowysofiscated.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Babes abeg...Never marry someone you are not sure of. If you listen to your spirit you will know if the guy is right or wrong. I made the same mistake and I paid for it. My sister...begin waka...you will never be happy in that marriage. Waka now and give God praise you are not yet pregnant. You are not even 30 yrs yet. Abeg move on and leave the idiot alone.

      Delete
  2. This one na marriage, 2here isvhis base? Europe, USA is there no laws against bigamy or you did not marry legally? Whit all your work experience and degress you are crying. Sew his bloody ass off.

    You want to resign for what? You can not read the writing on the wall clearly. Go aheadcand resign, yeye dey smell.

    ReplyDelete
  3. My sis, don't bother yourself. Please try and move on with your life. You can never force a man to love you.... you deserve much more. The guy is a scum bag.... leave him to the girl.
    God might have just rescued you from a future of pain, unhappiness and misery.
    A word is enough for the wise.
    If you knew/know your self worth, you will never settle for less.

    ReplyDelete
  4. If you had a marriage in court then she can sue him for bigamy...... Lawyers in the house please correct me if am wrong...
    Dear poster.... It's better you let him go you can resign from your job...put your life on hold for someone who has started building a life with someone else....my dear I know it's not easy.....and I know it's easier to give advice... Put please....this man is getting back with his ex gf who he has known way longer than you and she is pregnant too...more reasons for him to stick with her.....
    While in your case you can count how many times you actually did spend time with this man since the day you both tied the knot.. thank God you don't have a child yet for him if not it would be an unwanted baggage because from the look of things this man has left you with no intention of getting back with you except things don't work out with the pregnant lady...

    All hope is not lost.....God will grant you.your own....

    ReplyDelete
  5. ANGELRAY SAYS
    That guy is a punk, am not a fan of abroad marriage, girls una no dey hear word, don't put ur program on hold plz,shebi u said u want a divorce,y are u now begging him not to marry another woman,u are better off without him,this guy doesn't love u,forget about him and move on with ur life,u are too good for him shikena.

    ReplyDelete
  6. ANGELRAY SAYS
    That guy is a punk, am not a fan of abroad marriage, girls una no dey hear word, don't put ur program on hold plz,shebi u said u want a divorce,y are u now begging him not to marry another woman,u are better off without him,this guy doesn't love u,forget about him and move on with ur life,u are too good for him shikena.

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  7. Tf! You say about begging him.pls lets d nuisance go

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  8. na wa ooo....dear poster....i understand u are heartbroken but leaving all for him will only damage u more...it appears he already moved on bfr u even asked fr divorce....just mk it easy for u...gather ur strength nd d dignity left...allow him be..take down those pictures too..dont even mk dt mistake of going to beg him!@xclusiv

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  9. na wa ooo....dear poster....i understand u are heartbroken but leaving all for him will only damage u more...it appears he already moved on bfr u even asked fr divorce....just mk it easy for u...gather ur strength nd d dignity left...allow him be..take down those pictures too..dont even mk dt mistake of going to beg him!@xclusiv

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  10. Oh father Lord, Jesus God, what kind of misery is this? This man is very wicked. Did you say you are begging him not to marry his girlfriend?wow wow wow

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abeg Jay moore, put a link on the side of this blog to posts where these kind of things have been discussed.

      Haba, I am tired of these "Regular BVs " bringing back things that have been thoroughly discussed here before.

      When we say #bringbackourgirls, this is not what we mean.

      Madam, sorry o. I think you should take a break from ur PHd and go get a brain.

      Delete
  11. a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said...
    .
    Sorry to say this but babe yu no get brain even small.....
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

    ReplyDelete
  12. Ok, So Madam, you want to put your life on hold to go and beg that kind of man? Didn't you say you are 28 years old? The man already has a pregnant 'fiancee' and you want to go and beg him? For what? You asked for a divorce already, get it!!
    I'm sorry but I don't think you were ever married!! You could take a few days off work and go and see if there's still hope for the marriage(which I doubt) but don't put your life on hold for too long hoping the marriage will work..It just might or might not!!
    All the best! Whatever the outcome of your visit, Let go and let God!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. you want to resign your job and put ur PHD on hold for that idiot? my dear please youve made enough mistakes, dont make anymore. God has delivered you from early death, let it go please. that man is not worth the ground u walk on. please divorce his ass and move on, cuz he clearly has!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Kai, some men sha... Long distance relationships can work out, but long distance marriages can never work out.. If u really want to be with him go and live in his base with him. Kpele my dear, its not easy o

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  15. u never marry My dear, u only wear wedding gown for pictures!please don't even think of begging him......he ain't yours!

    ReplyDelete
  16. You wanna put your life on hold to goan 'beg' him?
    Huh?
    You are just 28 years old.
    You don't want that...
    You don't wanna be a slave to him for the rest of ur life
    Let him marry the girl 1st, sue his ass, then divorce him.
    Open your heart biko and find love again
    That man is not yours

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love this comment.. you are very right!

      Delete
  17. Please don't resign yet, take a leave first.. But please don't resing your job yet... But if u do please leave the name of or organisation so I can start applying for a job there..

    ReplyDelete
  18. stella na wa oh
    I advice girls don't marry some one you don't know most men change after marriage
    dem go dey nag for everything

    ReplyDelete
  19. nagging men
    girl leave the man

    ReplyDelete
  20. Just divorce him already. Don't beg him not to marry the supposed ex. Let him go. You made one mistake marrying a man you knew nothing about, don't make another by begging him to stay with you. Thank God you're still young and have a good job, life goes on.

    ReplyDelete
  21. The last three paragraphs was the reason why he was behaving in that manner towards you. Its always the over suspicious ones that have dozens of skeletons in their closets.. Sorry poster lady, its time to move on. Hes not worth having you. You are still young, focus on your career and am very sure some good man will come your way. This useless man does not deserve your begging abeg mscheww

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  22. nawaoh...such a sad story.pls leave him and jst pray. its only God dt can change d situation.d truth is dt d guy does not hv feelings for u.

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  23. @Poster! Madam you have no business being in that marriage, don't be too weak to be decisive. Please I will advice you quit that marriage, I don't subscribe to divorce, but he has moved on without you in his mind, even tough its not official yet, so you have to move on also


    Your comment will be visible after approval

    ReplyDelete
  24. eh sister stella i have an idea about your recharge card freebies, pls i will like u to choose randomly from the list of people that comments on this blog,the recharge pin should be send via e-mail to the lucky winners.

    sometime i feel like we are been cheated by ur fastesr finger readers,thanks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eh! See this newbie waiting for freebies.

      Gba fuo.

      Delete
  25. please pleaseee forget this loser, I will not abuse u for getting married to hum in first place but u seem to be doing good for urself career wise, don't loose the momentum of that because of this obviously deluded man. Please go ahead with the divorce and start over!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Stella please post my comment. This poster needs some tough love. Starting with you are a big fool! Who marries through arrangement these days? God is still holding you back and keeping you from making a big mistake in your life but you're still following the wrong path. You have already made the mistake of marrying him but atleast you're not pregnant, you didn't uproot your life and move in with him and start to be solely dependent on him. You're still here in nig, doing well on your own and he's busy exhibiting his foolish and wicked character, my sister will you not pick up your slippers and run for your dear life? What the fuck is wrong with you? You're there begging him to not marry the lady and that the lady can give birth to the baby, what kind of talk is that? Don't you have standards? Don't you value yourself? Some women are the cause of their own problems! When you bring yourself down and make yourself worthless in his eyes just because you are desperate to marry how do you think you will be treated in the marriage? Na wa for you oh madam poster. In all this your story I didn't even read any part where you confessed love for the dude. You just want to answer married woman that's why you're stooping so low. Let me just tell you now incase you don't know, if you continue in that marriage, except the grace of God eh, you will be a completely miserable woman. God is showing you signs now and you're there being a typical Nigerian woman. Forgive any errors biko, osukosu wanna kill me here

    ReplyDelete
  27. Y r some men like dis. Women av dir own share of d blame y marry a man u don't kw u should av prayed about it. D bible says he who finds a wife not d other way round. Some Men treat women like trash cos they kw women r becoming desperate nd our family nd society aren't helpin matters heaping presure on d women making her feel less woman cos she isn't marid. Female friends r d worst treat dir single friends badly cos they feel they r beta dan u since u r still single. Jst comit evri tin 2 Gods hands he is able 2 touch ur man's heart nd evri tin will b fyn. it is well ooh

    ReplyDelete
  28. BV pls don't throw away your life for him I beg u in God's name. Please be strong, be closer to your God and He will console U and give u victory. Am very sure getting closer to your God is the best answer right now darling. Pls be strong and DON'T thrown away your life I repeat please

    ReplyDelete
  29. @poster, so all dis one wey we dey talk since no enter ur ears huh? so u feel dat a man who cannot trust u is worthy of ur resignation from work n holdin down on ur ph.d? some women, y una dey dey foolish smtyms like dis. u just ooze desperado my youngwoman. m happily married wt 3 kids n i wish u a happy marriage in future but d shit is not worth d step. be good n wise.

    ReplyDelete
  30. My dear, from your story, it appears the guy is not comfortable with your educational background. Some men are like that (Inferiority complex).

    I know its not that easy, but please let him be. He is not meant for you. God will send ur real man soonest. Be strong and carry on with your studies. Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  31. This sounds exactly like my story excluding the pregnant girlfriend. Pick am 35years old and highly educated Iin the States. Last year, I quit my six-figure income, giving my employer very short notice and packed one container to join my hubby in Lagos to quell all fighting and accusations of infidelity. This did not help matters. My movement and freedom is restricted by him. Now, I am unemployed, unhappy, away from my family and friends and my savings is almost depleted since I am still paying my mortgage n bills stateside.
    Please Do Not quit your job, maybe take a leave of absence or unpaid leave. Visit him and see whether you can resolve matter.
    Sincerely, I would advise you to move on with your life, this might be a blessing. Each day, I am so angry with myself for being so desperate to make this relationship work. I wished that I listened to everyone and moved on with my life . The emotional abuse is not worth it. And believe me IT does not stop even if you reconcile. You are still very young and do not need this headache. Please don't make the mistake that I made.

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  32. Poster,you will be biggest fool if you resign your job and leave your programs for this guy...
    Don't even think of leaving your career for any ass-hole infact,that will be your biggest mistake...
    Move on with your life biko,I know its not easy but you have to try...
    Thank God you don't have a child yet...
    That guy is not your husband that is destined for you by God..
    For the last time,please don't leave your career for any man..

    ReplyDelete
  33. Hmm...! Marriage o! This is one reason why I'm not a fan of arranged marriages and long distance relationships, though I know some do work out.

    My dear pick urself up, dust urself off and move the **** on!
    He's made it easy for u! I don't understand why u wish to go and beg him not to marry his ex when u actually asked for a divorce in the first place.

    He's showed u who he is and u're there asking for more! He apparently wasn't into the whole arrangement to start with. He probably just went along to please his people. Maybe they didn't want him marrying a foreigner, but that's where his heart is and his gone back to her.

    Imagine, he's been doing the exact same thing he was accusing u off. How come the lady is 5months gone already?
    I just hate when someone can't make up their mind as to what they really want.

    Move on dear. Finish ur PHD. U're still very young. God has better things ahead of you.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Hmmmm! This is y I don't advice this living apart thing. Women, do not allow any wedding brouhahaha until ur papers are ready to join him.

    Poster, u sincerely didn't follow up ur marriage well. For the fact u didn't date dis guy n it was a match making stuff, that's d more reason why u shouldn't hv given dt gap.

    I will not curse him out for nagging on ur not picking ur calls cos he doesn't know u yet and has every reason to panic over ur movements!

    U just were too relaxed over ur marriage. U didn't make ur priorities clear (going for d other stuff when ur visa was delayed shows that one was more important than him).

    My advice is for u to calm down n take a deep breath! Travel if u have to and go speak with him face to face. If he is inlove wt d pregnant girl, let them be (u don't force love). U can sue him for bigamy or go for a divorce. If u are sincere to urself u'll know dat u are not soo into dat guy. U re hurt cos u may not be a *MRS* again. Ur own man will locate u! All d best

    ReplyDelete
  35. I think if he told his own side of the story he would say you refused to return to his base with him. You were too keen on your PhD and probably (misplaced) suspicions of infidelity.

    I don't know your marriage situation and important age but I feel your husband as ready to start a family while you were not. To me it seems you PhD was more important and he might have felt threatened by this.

    I think this is a situation that normally is very hard to resolve in your favour. If you've never been to his base before I don't think going now would make much difference.

    I think you should pray but rationally I would say move on as I don't see redemption for your marriage at this time.

    Beware also of adultery - I pray the Lord's grace sustains you and keep you from all sin, amen.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Madam Poster! Please don't pause your life because of a "make match" marriage. From your post, you are very much independent. You are the only one that can make YOU happy. Stop begging and stick to Divorce. FREE YOURSELF FROM THIS BONDAGE!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Na wa oh this is a serious issue and i dont think quitting your job and going to meet him will stop him from marrying the other lady!Sorry to say this i guess he never loved you

    ReplyDelete
  38. Sweetheart never you resign nor withhold your PhD program for him cos he doesn't worth it one bit! Your career should be your paramount need now. Allow him to make that mistake of marrying his gf and sue him for putting you through all this emotional turmoil!!! I understand how you feel right now, you want to save your marriage but dear please please please save yourself cos this guy wants to destroy you. Remember Whitney Houston and her emotional breakdown that she have to resort to drinking nd drugs... I don't want that for you... protect yourself emotionally, forget him and the marriage bcos he is still a child that doesn't know what he wants. Nwunye Okeke

    ReplyDelete
  39. Wow...I cant believe this poster is thinking of going to beg him. Someone who treats you and your family like a piece of rag, calls you all sorta names, etc?? Are you for real? Don't you wanna be happy or something? Cos I don't understand why you enjoy being treated as a slave in dis modern day era. Well, the ball is in your court sweetheart.
    As long as there's another lady involved, you've already lost. Get a grip on yourself and try to move on. You seem successful from your write up and I believe what you deserve will come to you soon. Be strong.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Ehyaaaa . It hurts.
    But most times when I hear stories like this having foundations as yours. I don't really feel pity. Cos I believe you shoulda known better. But then. If you knew better you woulda done better....or maybe you were just desperate.
    Anyways. Impossible as it may,just get over him.
    The man obviously started something with his ex the moment he travelled back and maybe that was the cause of his aggressiveness and attitudes when you don't pick his calls and all. He definitely don't deserve you.you don't have a kid for him.you're a successful lady.leave him.God is probably preventing you from a greater danger.
    What if he reconciles with you then after you must have given birth for him,he leaves you for someone else.or impregnates someone else.do you know if God is saving you from future HIV?. My dear if you want to waste money to meet him to reconcile.its ya biz.but don't come back here with another lamentation.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Hmm nawa oo..so sad!!
    But poster oo if u ask me, I will tell u dat its a breakthrough nd not a misfortune dat he's getting married to someone else...he treats u like trash, insults u nd ur whole family nd u still want him bak in ur life!!
    D handwriting is clear dat he doesn't love u, so I think dat u'd be making d biggest mistake of ur life (apart from marrying him) if u abandon ur life here to go beg him.. Go on ur knees nd thank God for such miracle!! U are blessed. .

    ReplyDelete
  42. Dunno y our ladies still make this mistake of Yankee husband. .He ain't the right man for u...If your husband can't trust you, he doesn't deserve u..move on with your life dear poster. .god would give you the strength and wisdom u need. .He is always there for us

    ReplyDelete
  43. Stella,no card or wetin dey happen?

    ReplyDelete
  44. did I hear resign your job to go and beg him? Hian! BIKO THAT MAN IS VERY VERY INSECURE, IF YOU EVER LEAVE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE WORKED FOR TO GO OVER THERE TO SEE HIM AND BEG, YOU WILL REGRET IT FOREVER.
    MY ADVICE IS THAT YOU SHOULD TELL HIS PEOPLE AND YOUR FAMILY TOO WHAT IS GOING ON, SHOW THEM PICTURES.
    THEN, BIKO NWANNEM, MOVE ON O, COS GOD JUST SAVED YOU FROM THE DEVIL HIMSELF.THANK GOD THERE IS EVEN NO CHILD FROM THE UNION SEF!
    MOST MEN THAT BEHAVE LIKE HIM END UP BEATING THEIR WIVES SO BIKO BE WISE!
    DONT EVER RESIGN AND LEAVE ALL YOU HAVE WORKED FOR TO GO BEG A MAN THAT IS NOT WORTH IT, HE NEVER APPRECIATED YOU FROM THE WORD GO!

    ReplyDelete
  45. It is well with you,dnt worry God will grant you the desires of your heart.Thank God you dnt have a baby yet. Allow him to marry his girlfriend because it might not really be the one God destined for you. Go to God in prayer he will give you d desires of ur heart.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Plese don't resign or put an hold to your PhD...his reactions were signs that he had someone else,even if you go and beg him this is a man that must have made up his mind a long time ago..he called you a prostitue,why did he marry you?smh.no matter what you do in life what you sow,you shall reap.
    He should enjoy his new woman.but please not because of a man you should stop your career or whatever you're doing...in this kind of generation.women do not need men to survive,if you stop your career ,and travel to beg him and he refuses...what was now the essence... Please dear think well about your decision and God will help you.

    ReplyDelete
  47. That's straight up bigamy, I think there's a law against that even in Nigeria. Ask a lawyer? they might be of help.
    People pls, take time to date someone and study them well cos forever is such a long time to stay unhappy. when marrying someone form overseas, I always advise ppl to go to their base and stay like one month, so as to see if they are really what they claim. sorry abt ur pain dear.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Arrange marriage hmmm bad idea, and you said he is all you wanted in a man, how can he be when you didn't know him properly before accepting his proposal.
    Please don't quite your job to go and beg him. The best thing to do is divorce him and move on with your life. He is in love with someone else. Save yourself the eembarrassment. Don't beg him because if he accept you again, he will make your life miserable. You can still remarry.

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  49. Pls can anyone in lagos volunteer to do a free baking class

    ReplyDelete
  50. Hian , Trouble everywhere!
    All is see's a marriage dat's already dead b4 it ws even given birth to.
    Dis is like getting married to an early grave

    Did u say anods lady is already pregnant 4 ur supposed husby?

    **dont get dis story honestly**


    ReplyDelete
  51. Silly woman, oya resign and go and be a slave to an insecure man nah. Nonsense, desperation at its worse, you have no value for yourself what exactly do you enjoy in the so called marriage. You don't even get regular see just insults and insecurity yet you can't even see the value of your self if you were my sister I would have knocked you

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  52. My dear I ll advice you not to go cos from the start he wasn't a good man to begin with.it ll be hard but try to forget him and live ur life.thank God u are still young.I almost got into a marriage like this with a man who is based in america and wanted a hush hush wedding.he didn't even ve a job,just some fellow who got lucky thru lottery.it was only who helped me realise that I would suffer emotionally if I had married him and I ended the relationship at the nick of time.it's well with u dear

    ReplyDelete
  53. ....did u say planning on resigning? Hmm...i suspect there's sth u not telling here or better still am d one who's stoned n cant........

    ReplyDelete
  54. Aunty stella has said it all. Tell him up front, any marriage he contracts now constitutes bigamy and e biabia go white for oyibo cell. No be naija e dey wey e fit do anyow o

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  55. Zadok the priest26 August 2014 at 10:47

    I rarely comment but I am forced to by this lady.

    Young lady, I can assure you of one thing, people will curse you our on here.

    I assume you are intelligent because you have BSc & MSc degrees with PhD enroute. Even if Nigeria's education is very bad, when doing a PhD, you apply analytical and logical reasoning and deductions.
    Now, please apply that to this scenario.

    Life is not a do or die affair, neither is marriage. Marriage is a lovely institution if both parties are fully & emphatically committed to it but it can make you or mar you. You are clearly committed to this man and this marriage but the man is not. Why give yourself unnecessary headache? You are begging for high blood pressure at your age.
    Please wake up and smell the coffee but if you want more heartache, please keep begging him. Just remember that you can take a horse to the stream but you cannot force it to drink water. In your case, you are being 'forced' to get a divorce, what choice do you have? Get the divorce & move on. Continue to excel in your personal life.

    You are lucky that you have no 'ties' to this man ie child. Move on, you will meet someone that will cherish you. You are young & this marriage is so-one-kind that with time, people will not even recall you were once married. Please move on.



    If after visiting this blog and you are here asking this question or seeking our opinion on this, you may be beyond help I'm afraid.
    Infact, stop visiting this blog.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Abeg leave am jarre,..He is not worth it...He is a wicked Man...Heartless,.....

    Sorrry u married a wicked Man that does not care about how u feel....


    Let him do his worst.,.
    @Galore

    ReplyDelete
  57. Okei...soooooo matchmade marriage huh??....mehn...I am just gonna say this....do you know we are 14 years into the millenium???..........what planet are you on again??.....anyhoo if this story of yours is true...the ONLY reason I feel sorry for you and your 'supposed' husband is cuz I can't even begin to imagine the kinda home you both would have had you both decided to stay together........and I am gonna say this as it is ---- If he loves the other girl who is currently pregnant for him, I think you should step aside and let him find happiness cuz clearly he NEVER loved you....so go file for the divorce like you wanted to and move on....Go find you happiness...Everyone deserves to be happy......

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  58. Abeg leave am jarre,..He is not worth it...He is a wicked Man...Heartless,.....

    Sorrry u married a wicked Man that does not care about how u feel....


    Let him do his worst.,.
    @Galore

    ReplyDelete
  59. Your husband is an arrogant and insecure man, if you didn't mention your age I would have assumed you begged him to marry you! How dare him not pick your parents call? That's the height of disrespect and no matter the kind of love blinding you, you should be the one demanding an apology.
    You want to actually put your life on hold for this Man? Wow!
    Begging him to stay married?
    Poster hear me beg him for this mess and you will beg all your life. Delete your wedding pictures too, change your Fb status and move on, what rubbish! You are just 28yrs old for crying out loud!

    ReplyDelete
  60. Abeg leave am jarre,..He is not worth it...He is a wicked Man...Heartless,.....

    Sorrry u married a wicked Man that does not care about how u feel....


    Let him do his worst.,.
    @Galore

    ReplyDelete
  61. Abeg leave am jarre,..He is not worth it...He is a wicked Man...Heartless,.....

    Sorrry u married a wicked Man that does not care about how u feel....


    Let him do his worst.,.
    @Galore

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  62. I dey vex for dis gist abeg. How can you act so ignorantly and naïve @ 26? Haba! Abeg girls make we dey help ourselves so as to avoid stories that touch! Match-make kwa? And you were not bothered with character but looks! Young and handsome my foot! Mtchew!

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  63. Harsh realities of love

    In Courtship "I love you "most times means " I want to marry You because u are good looking, intelligent ,spiritual etc

    When Married,"I love u "usually means despite the inadequacies I just found out,I will tolerate u,forgive ,bear with and submit to u,respect u,believe the best of u.I will give to make this work.

    You need love not for what u already like and admire ( what will be the purpose anyway),love is required for things u don't like!

    You don't love him or her till u are married !

    So get ready to love with the discoveries !

    To prospective couples - love in marriage isn't fantasy ,sensual or fun ,it is spelt as SACRIFICE !( Ephesians 5:22-33)

    Blessings!

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  64. All this abroad love...tufiakwa...if anybody says let me hook you up,I dey run o...Nne,the nigga is a bitch...let him go...just fuck him up...I hope ya with your marriage certificate,let him marry the babe;then you can go to the embassy and report it...if to say this country be better country,you for sue him ass for abandonment or something...Goodluck,please and please stop begging him...you deserve better.

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  65. Did you say you begged him not to marry the other lady? You are obviously still interested in someone who doesn't want or respect you. The handwriting is clearly written on the wall. The earlier you divorce his ass and move on, the better for you.

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  66. Nothing beats marrying ur bestfriend I.e after dating for a period of time n understanding urselves..... let him go for ur peace of mind n sanity o poster.... he doesnt love u

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  67. First and foremost, please don't resign from your job or abandon all just to go and 'beg' him.
    Secondly, i think you married a boy and not a matured man; traits of which u would have seen if you guys had courted. That is why i'm not a fan of all these arrangee things.

    Perhaps he's having 2nd thoughts just like you and thinks he's better off marrying someone where he resides.
    By all means go and talk things over with him, but under no circumstance should u beg him or abandon everything in the process.

    Click my name for all your celebration cakes and cupcakes, cheers

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  68. Seems he wants to go to jail, or is planning to divorce you before marrying her.But this story is sad sha.
    Begging him may not even solve the problem, since from what you've written, he's not even into the marriage again.All this arrangement marriages sef. I'm seeing one now of a relative,who came back married the girl since 2009,and she's still here with her daughter.
    Most of them do it as if they were forced to.
    Goodluck to you sha.

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  69. Gobe!!! I may not know much about marriage but I know this - the first 2 years of marriage are crucial for both partners. You can't be married a leave separately. Both of you should have made plans to live together... the seed of doubt was sown over the course of living separately as "one". you asked for divorce and if he grants you that, then bigamy charges might not stand. Take heart lady.

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  70. Your story is touching. Though there are two sides to a coin, if you were to be my sister, I will advice you not to resign or put your program on hold because that will amount to double tragedy. In life we should learn to know when certain people's role has come to an end in our life, so that we should not be chasing something that is already dead, LET HIM GO. Please stop chasing shadow and face your 2moro. You will surely overcome it.

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  71. Hmmm........what a world.Am speechless

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  72. Why is this lady crying over spilt milk? Biko, forget about the man and face your PhD, you probably shouldn't have married him in the first place. Just for kicks, do not grant him a divorce easily. Let him and his girlfriend steam over it for sometime. My dear, life is too short to be worrying over someone who isn't concerned about you. Besides, if you drop everything and move to his base, what is to say he won't still have trust issues? At least now you have a good job and a promising future in your career. You are not even old, a better man will come your way.

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  73. Nonsense woman, u want to resign frm ur job and put ur phd on hold bcos of man? **smh for U! Pls seek for a divorce and move on jare. As young as U are, U went to marry man like dat out of desperation. See Ya life. Get a divorce and ask God for forgiveness!

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  74. Dear poster,pls I beg of u,dnt resign biko,u resigning doesn't garantee a beta life,4rm ur post I cn say her will marry his ex nomata wat u do,so jst divource him n God will bring sm1 beta.tk care

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  75. Lol.....
    Stories that touch!!!
    Desperate old cargoes be marrying demselves everywhere around Nigeria.
    I Pity you,I must marry Jando.
    Your priority is misplaced.
    How could you have put your career first before building your home.
    See ya life?
    You're even begging d murrafucker...
    Low self esteem of the highest order.
    Gbagbuo dat guy and go ahead with your PhD....if you like sef start another degree again.
    Career woman my ass!!!
    Sorry my white ass!!!

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  76. Beg???? If I hear....

    Unless u r not telling the truth here, I do not know what u r begging for

    The truth unfortunately is thatu were never married!!! What u HAD is no marriage

    So open your eyes and see praise God for what he has done for u...let him go and purge yourself so God can bless u with a real man

    U never said how u met this man but I smell desperation(anyway, water under the bridge) just let him finalise the divorce, return the brideprice and move on with ur life

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  77. Why are you begging d devil,if u go back you sure will regret every bit of it, so just keep singing praises to God for the deliverance and keep moving on!

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  78. Madam please please don't put your life on hold for a guy that treats you like a rag. Stop begging him. Infact encourage him to marry all the girls in Europe but he should first give you a proper divorce. You are still young and very successful. A lady dated a guy for 10 good years, finally they got married. Unfortunately, the lady couldn't get pregnant quickly enough, the guy threw her out, married someone else and today has kids. Today the lady looks so frustrated. Please My Dear count your loses and move on.

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  79. Distant relationships are difficult to manage especially when the phone calls and texting are your primary means of communication, you can see the persons expression behind a message or tone with which the person said what. Its called a mobile phone not a landline, you're to take it wherever with you and avoid reasons for suspicion, you don't take things even as little as phone calls for granted(not once or twice...haba!). put it on silent in a meet and send a message or call back immediately you leave the bathroom. In my opinion I feel you both dint commit sufficiently to the success of the marriage, there should have been more efforts to visit each other and at this point only prayers can save that marriage. I pray God grants this marriage a second chance.

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    Replies
    1. There is no marriage to save here.she was nvr married biko.dey just called people to eat their rice n drinks.at poster pls ask for divoice n move on.you are stil very young n better men out there,dnt waste your time on a man who doesnt trust or respect u.

      Delete
  80. You girls in Nigeria no dey hear word! A man whose isn't over his ex yet will come home and profess his love for you and y'all will stupidly agreed? The question y'all should ask him is, how long was your last relationship? When did you break up with your ex? My friends ex is disturbing her after seven years of relationship. He traveled to Nigeria to do an intruduction, but now he is begging my girl friend that he made a mistake. Shine una eyes Biko. Poster, move on because your husband is in love with his ex. Pele!

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  81. Babe u ve entered one chance o, just forget about him and move on, that marriage was dead on arrival

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  82. that man is evil and never loved you and he will never... this is a perfect time to leave since he has done this.....please my dear, i know it is hard but you have to leave his cheating lieing ass.....he is a cheater and a lair that is why he felt you were doing the same...I tell you any man who treats you like that doesn't deserve you. Please you dont need him.... move on with your life.... But i really wish you could make him suffer..... evil man, wicked man.... kai kai kai......

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  83. You could try that. But I think it's gonna be futile. He has another agenda.

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  84. Dear poster, i don't mean to sound insensitive and all,but y in heavens name did u agree to marry someone u barely know??
    why,why,why??
    you didnt get a chance to know him and your arrangement wv him still gives you no chance to know him,
    It obvious he doesnt even like u,talk more of 'love'..Females in ur shoes would want to make it work,but its damn difficult to make a man who wasnt in love wv u,love u
    Dat said,it may be a waste of time n money going dere to beg him,his intentions are on fb for u to see.
    So even if u beg him and by a stroke of luck,he agrees not to marry her,how long are you going to continue calling a stranger your husband!

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  85. Am really touched with your story, please i will advice you to still retain your job as this man has no outta of love for you, he married you maybe out of his parents desperation, and after the marriage he indirectly tried to prove to them that you're a cheat by calling you a whore, prostitute. He has noregards for you or your family. Carry on with you life and pray to God for a better man to come, God hears the prayers of a heartbroken woman. BUT PLEASE DO NOT RESIGN YOUR JOB, HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU

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  86. Naa wa o. The stories I read on this our blog ehn! One would think Tunde Kelani just gave us a hint of his next movie. You should prepare the divorce papers and get them to him. Don't quit your job,it's what you have to fall back on,don't beg him not to marry his pregnant gf,she's the one he wants to be with. He only married you to please his relations in Naija,also,don't stop your Phd programme,maybe you'll meet your real husband while you're @ it. What you had was not a marriage. I pray God helps you.

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  87. Now I am really going to sound harsh without apologies.

    poster, where the hell is your self worth? Arrangee marriage, he treats you like trash afterwards and you still wanna pack up your life, your job and all ..just to travel to go beg a man who sees you as a piece of shit??

    madam!!! madam!!!

    how old are you again? 28! and you are acting like you are one old woman who have gone past the age of a good relationship.

    How desperate can you be at such a young age? Ehn?

    please leave the idiot to marry whoever. He doesn't love you. he was forced to marry you (arrangee)
    Allow him fly away abeg.

    You deserve someone better please.

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  88. Hmm na wa o,babe abeg,sue his fucking ass!

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  89. My dear, I beg you in the name of God, do not resign or stop your PhD. That might be the worst mistake you'll ever make. Don't do that to yourself. I would rather you take a leave from work and travel to meet him. Please and please don't resign. If he refuses and goes ahead to marry the ex, you would have lost in 2 ways.
    Why haven't you spoken with his family? You didn't mention anything about them? I wish you well sis.

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  90. Haaaaaaaa,@times the stories I read on this blog stella it amazes me!!!!
    How can a man be this wicked? WTF??? Haba is this same man born of a woman?
    My dear you made a mistake he was an insecure man,and you dint get to know him @ll @ll before you jumped! To say I feel your pain I would be lying...
    Please try and get to wherever he is and talk with him,if he is still been bigheaded abt it,pls get a divorce regain your strength and live your life!

    *Sweetness*

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  91. Dear sister, you are married to yourself.

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  92. Please do not resign your job, or put your PHD on hold..You think your begging will change his mind?

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  93. Oh dear I feel ur pain, don't even kwn what to say cus myself here am heartbroken...but I believe it's well dear.

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  94. My dear, I beg you in the name of God, do not resign or stop your PhD. That might be the worst mistake you'll ever make. Don't do that to yourself. I would rather you take a leave from work and travel to meet him. Please and please don't resign. If he refuses and goes ahead to marry the ex, you would have lost in 2 ways.
    Why haven't you spoken with his family? You didn't mention anything about them? I wish you well sis.

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  95. dear Poster,sorry to kick when you're down, but you are a fool to even think of resigning,putting your masters abi na Phd on hold for a man that has made it very obvious that he wants nothing to do with you...haba nau!! when do you want to realise that he doesn't want you any more? my dear,to whom brain is given,sense is expected o.I know it hurts,but you should be thankful he even showed you his true self now and that you both have no kids yet.Like Stella said,if he marries someone ese legally,while still married to you,then he will be jailed for bigamy.What makes you think resigning from your job and movig over their will make him change his mind? My advice is that you travel with your marriage certificate,for the sole purpose of proving to them over there that he is already married to you.Then please,divorce his ass and moveon with your life. This is why i have my reservations about marriage and the happy ending fairytale.

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  96. Serious gobe,traveling to his base to beg him ll nt change his mind,hence his mind is already made up,left for me I ll tell u dat d guy has been looking for any slightest opportunity to carry out his plans in d name of u cheated,my dear u cnt giv up ur career jst cos of a man who does nt trust u one bit,believe me he knows dd game he is playing,dnt stick urself wit a man who does nt hv an iota of trust in u,believe me bigger heartbreak awaits u if u continue wit dat marriage.

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  97. Why are you begging him poster? Please let him go, the marriage should end sooner than later. The man has no respect for you and your parents. Why are you acting like your life depends on this marriage? You are an educated woman, why are you letting a man disrespect you? If a man disrespect you, he disrespect your family because you are an extension of your family (he's disrespecting them already, imagine your family calling and he's not responding-insult of the highest order). Walk away now from the loser and don't look back. I can bet my right arm, if you divorce this guy now another guy will snatch you up soon. You are not even divorce yet and another girl is pregnant by him, nonsense.

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  98. My goodness! This marriage keeps scaring the hell outta me. If he wants a divorce, babe, sign the papers and live your life. Life is too short to be stuck with oneself.
    I hope you have stopped wearing the wedding band too?
    what am I even saying? Get the marriage nullified ASAP

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  99. Sorry for your plight dear. All this arrangy marriage rarely works, as my mum would say anyone arrangy marriage man for daughter may their calabash break on the way. Like Stella said if he marries another without proper divorce he will go to jail. If the man has given up in his marriage, lady pls let him go. Love will find you.

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  100. nawa ooooo.......d same story everyday
    "
    "
    "
    "
    ONYII

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  101. Nawaoo......men.all this match making things still dey? poster jst pick urself up nd move on.he does not worth d stress.
    mama twins#

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  102. Wow! The institution of marriage is a serious one. Why choose to settle down with someone you know little or nothing about?
    Trust me girlfriend, the gentleman(is he really?) feels nothing for you. Going over there is a waste of time! Except you are going to sue his ass!!!!

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  103. Awww.that was a mistake u made having a match made wedding wtout really courting .I feel ur pain bt lemme tell u d truth.d man has no iota of respect for u or ur family.it myt hv arisen cos of d way u were introduced.begging hm is just belittling urself more.get d divorce nd thank ur God there is no child in between u two.God wl gv u ur man that wl cherish nd respect u nd ur family .its hard to take ds decision bt u wl b happy at d end.forget what d public or frnds will say.its ur life nd leave hm to God to judge hm.if u v ever been teutful nd faithful as u v said, then its a question of time b4 God dose out hs wickedness payroll to hm

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  104. Do not pursue him! God might be saving you from something..just PRAY do not suspend any phd to pursue a man trust me its not worth it. Sounds like his got insecurity issues just let your silence speak volumes

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  105. Beg him for what?
    Dear poster, please use your head in this case! Forget what the society will say and pursue your own happiness!
    If you beg him now, you will keep begging till death do you part!

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  106. Poster know already that your marriage was already ended b4 it began. Travel out to his base and mess him up. Go with your marriage certificates and other proofs. I am a Christian but am not d "pray pray" type. I pray and I work towards what I prayed 4. Dude's caused u much pain, pLease return d favour in kind. REPORT/SUE 4 bigamy. If it be possible do not let anyone know your plans b4 u get dissuaded. Don't expect heaven to come down and act. When u act with CLEAN HANDS heaven backs you up. Prayer without good work is dead. Heaven helps those who help themselves. Your HORSEBAND contravened the marriage rule! He broke d vow!! Don't force d marriage any longer cos u go taya. U will be left high and dry... Loveless and childless!!! Make hay whilst d sun shines. Get out and re-marry. Don't look 4 ppl who'd advice u to stay and pray pray pray and wait till thy kingdom come 4 his repercussions hahaa life is complicated. Be wise!!!!!!

    NIGERIAN WOMEN WAKE UP NO BE ONLY UNA WAKA COME MARRIAGE ha! What of the MEN???? Make we no dey carry dis marriage matter 4 head alone. The bible say two become one...

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  107. Hian! Nothing wey person no go hear fro this World.ooo! Me I am still believing God for a spouse even at my over 40yrs old... I am not perturbed because when u become perturbed that's when u jump at any 'thing' with 'third leg' and want to answer a 'Mrs'! Odi kwa egwu!

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    Replies
    1. Keep up deceiving yourself when your mates are through with child birth. You Bettr go and beg one nice man to impregnate you before menopause .Titimadame

      Delete
  108. First u don't expect ur arrangee marriage wouldve worked like all others secondly how can u think of going to beg a man who u dunno if he luvs u.All these sob stories i wonder how most of us women reason this matter of husband by force doesnt favour everyone we girls must know what works for us.Furtheremore, i hate relationships where theres more talk or tears than love.women sit n ask urslves including me why is it always women doing the crying and begging? what do these men we r either dating or married to do to make rships work? Nne so if we leave u u will leave ur job and go and beg man...God be with u as u go and beg oo i pray u don't return empty handed n on top that loose ur job cos e go pain me for u.Goodluck

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  109. First u don't expect ur arrangee marriage wouldve worked like all others secondly how can u think of going to beg a man who u dunno if he luvs u.All these sob stories i wonder how most of us women reason this matter of husband by force doesnt favour everyone we girls must know what works for us.Furtheremore, i hate relationships where theres more talk or tears than love.women sit n ask urslves including me why is it always women doing the crying and begging? what do these men we r either dating or married to do to make rships work? Nne so if we leave u u will leave ur job and go and beg man...God be with u as u go and beg oo i pray u don't return empty handed n on top that loose ur job cos e go pain me for u.Goodluck

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  110. I 'don't understand this story... You asked him for a divorce which he didn't say anything about and now you want to to and beg him not to marry the girl?

    Why please? So that he will be cheating on you with his baby mama? So that he would continue to tell you how worthless you are because you decided to better your live? u want stop your PhD for a man?

    Please allow him to get married,thn sue his ass for bigamy,take all your evidence of marriage with you and out him thru hell. Never quit your job or stop anything for a man. They wouldnt for you so why should you for them? Told my husband i havent seen the person thay would make me ulter my plans in life .

    Hes busy accusing you of cheatimg and he hsd a baby on the way? 'What nerve... Dont even kniw what to say buy dont go and beg any morrafucker.

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  111. Bigamy is a criminal offence also in Nigeria, the problem is due to our culture. It is one of those "silent charges" women dread filing because, it is almost always an exercise in futility and families would rather settle out of court besides, some male judges have more than 1 wife and some mistresses they wish they could marry. So they will be antagonist to such a suit/charge. However, if the poster got a marriage certificate from a church authorised to so issue, the impending marriage between her husband and his girlfriend becomes a nullity in the eyes of the law( as are many marriages in Nigeria today). The only way a man can have multiple wives is through customary marriage provided he has never been married (either in the Registry or in a church authorised by law to issue marriage certificates). One option is for the poster to get a lawyer to write to the marriage Registry of which ever State or country the supposed marriage will take place, and attach copies of documentary evidence of their subsisting marriage. Personally, I think the poster should not bother herself with a man who clearly isn't interested. My darling please don't defer your PhD or compromise your job security for any man, even an "angel" because should he decide to fly back to "heaven" and return as a "falling angel", the only security you can fall back on are your job and your qualifications. Please, please and please never beg for a person's affections because apart from demeaning yourself, you'll end up with the corrupted version of his/her affections. After all, you can't force a willing employee on an unwilling employer. #e-bearhugs honey.

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  112. Poster, u still wanna follow dz butterfly dt's about flying into d red sea around? SMH for U
    Seems like ur predicament has not finish loading..

    One of d reasons why I'm always weary of arranged marriages



    *lips sealed and watching*

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  113. Why do you want to die on the guys case? He has obviously moved on, you shld also too. You knew you are single despite been married just that you are living in denial.
    Women need re-orientation about their worth and purpose in life.why would u want to throw away ur career for a man???can a man do the same for u?women too like to dey put man matter for head abegiiii..modern marriages are even over-rated abeg

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  114. Stories like this make me shiver and worry! I just dont know y this match-making of a thing does not appeal to me...marryin a stranger was ur mistake. Dont worry dear, all will be well. D guy does not luv u. U can start all ova again with someone else

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  115. God forbid, beg him not to marry the girl? For what? He should go ahead and marry nah. why would you put your awesome life, career and ambition on hold to go and see the douche bag? He is suffering from severe inferiority complex! And all these women quick to divulge their passwords to these silly men I ask you one question: to what end? Forget the mother fucker (if you can) cos its not easy tho. Go ahead with your PHd. As far as am concerned ITS HIS LOSS! Trust me.

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  116. PLeaseeeeee why are you running after a man that clearly doesn't want you ke????

    Please serve him and move on jooor!! You want to put a hold on your life because of a person didn't do so for his????

    ka ma ri!!!!

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  117. Please that is the biggest mistake u would do resigning and putting ur PHD on hold is nt the solution.This guy's mind is made up,cant u see the guy does nt love u.Move on focus on ur job and the right man will come for u.All the best

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  118. Jisos!
    Nekwanu anya bikonu!.
    I was fuming and fuming til i got to d part of ..i want to travel n beg him...

    Ha...Nne no 1,d man is an arsehole(pardon my Swahili)
    And den,just like i have always said...u either stay and pray or u get d Hell out
    I am not à fan of divorce (except Where dere is DV) buh i liked ur guts
    When i got to d part of....i have being begging him...i wanna travel n beg him,u should see d way i Sat up like something stung me
    Lemme break it down in one sentence:
    YOU DONT CHALLENGE À MAN
    And u dont especially CHALLENGE À MAN AND RETREAT!
    U asked for a divorce...so already in His mind,u have declared à war
    DONT get me wrong ....i sympathize wit u
    Buh i wanna tell u why u should think of forgetting dat doomed marriage.
    Remember u guys didnt court n so he doesnt really know u much..so in His mind,n'a stranger u be o!
    what sort of man cAll His wife à prostitute?!
    And its not like he Has reasons to suspect u
    Den while stil married to u,he wants to "revenge" be marrying à wife Over u so as to teach u a lesson
    Chai....den u fell into His trap
    U called and started begging!
    What Are u begging for?
    Is it how u wanna live ur whole life?
    Cant u see u "got married to à veryyy BAD man"
    My heart is just breaking cos m picturing him recording ur calls and playing dem Over n Over again n laughing His stupid head off
    Chai...he wil even be gloating to His new woman ..and dem go dey laugh u
    Nne,u Are newly married and should be in marital bliss....not grovelling before àn abroad Fool
    Dust ur self up darling....
    Thank God u have à good job...
    Pray...pray...take it to God in prayers
    God forbid dis man Takes ur sanity
    God wil make u smile again...
    It is well my darling
    Not ur fault....if i should go by all u said
    Chai..

    * thinking loud...so if dis babe had married dis man,any small thing she does,he wil threaten her wit marrying anoda wife*

    Ina anukwa?!

    Chai.....Sending u hugs darling....Pls dry ur tears...ok?
    May God comfort u....

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  119. Poster ntorrr
    Duh!!! What were you expecting when you married a stranger out of desperation.
    Worst still you lived apart immediately after wedding
    How were you suppose to bond and know each other well?
    Mscheeeew! Stories like this makes me wanna puke cos you ought to be way smarter than this with your experiences.

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  120. Bigamy ko bigamy ni . Won't you say good riddance to rubbish . God rescued you from a demon ur not thankful . Do you think his marriage to that one will last ? You have a bright future a real man will come . No plane will take you to go and beg ijn amen . He would ve made you a punching bag . Useless man . Immature fool . Some men won't grow up first before marrying . If I hear you went begging .....

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  121. @ stella, wldnt dat be if, dey dd a court wedding?

    #Smiles @ I begged him not to marry the other woman. Some women just love suffer head.

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  122. My dear young lady What the hell happened to ur pride and self esteem? I can't believe that a promising intelligent young lady with a good career and academic qualification could be this desperate! Resign ur job and put ur phd to and beg an efulefu! For what? My dear trust me, if d story u have written here was actually what happened, then u need to go for thanksgiving because God saved u from a life of misery and bondage. Ger up, dust ur behind, get a divorce and move on. A much better person will come.

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  123. Hmnn dis is serious. Dat's y I don't like dis arraingee marriage. My dear wot can u do? Just let him be cos it's obvious he doesn't luv u. But u said u told him u wanted a divorce so y beg him? Pls don't belittle urself. Don't put ur carreer on hold cos of him. He's not worth it

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  124. Stella comment was the best. allow him to marry the ex-girlfriend over there then make your trip and sue his stupid ass for bigamy!!
    you sound soft hearted but my sister, for such men as your husband who likes to frustrate their partners at any opportunity deserves a strong,hard and no nonsense personality so GET up, Chin up and Gird up.
    The Lord is your strength

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  125. All these arangee marriage that's the consequences, I don't believe he loved you am sure he was forced to marry you then he was just looking for a way to please his parents aswell.


    Mr Lyca

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  126. @Poster, you want to resign from your work to go and beg him? You got to be kidding! What have you gained from the marriage that you need to beg him? The guy obviously doesn't love you. And it seems to me all you want is to be a Mrs. My advice, get a divorce! you are still young. You will find a man that will love you and marry you.

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  127. I thought I read where you said you asked him for a divorce or did it not come from your mind?. Most times when God is working for us, we will want to stop him by all means. If all these story you painted about your husband is true, there is no need to be heartbroken. You are young and working. Why not go back to God in thanks giving. My dear, I no like husband being in diaspora while wife is in Nigeria. Pick your pieces and give marriage a second trial.

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  128. Stories dat touch.my dear brace up urself and move on,

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  129. Why are you crying over split milk. Dear, it is obvious, this guy does not respect or trust you, talk less of loving you. If you throw away your life to go and meet him, you will come back in a casket. There are many men here though few who will adore you. Baby you have a very low self esteem. Wake up - Ehison

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  130. OMG!! What did I just read??!! What s wrong with youths of these our time? Poster u guys lacked communication which s d basic thing for me in marriage. Am short of words o cos it's like d guy has already made up his mind about d marriage simple.

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  131. LEt him go! He's not worth it!

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  132. Just let him be, he prolly didn't love you from the start hence the name calling, just get divorced and start your life afresh. Leave him to his fate

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  133. Stella dear pls post this o. It's very painful when someone types and u dnt post, it's annoying o. Now I knw what other bv's re complaining about.

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  134. U're a fool if u resign ur job all because u want to go and beg him, what if u resign go there beg him and he doesn't listen? What will u come back to? U'll now write to SDK that u wanna commit suicide init? I know this hurts, it hurts really bad but my dear no man, I repeat no man is worth it. U'll really really regret it if u do that.
    Right from d beginning d guy never cared about u, there was no love on his part, d love was one sided, u're just his Nigerian wife maybe because of pressure from his family. Babe u better stay put and please stop begging him, it'll only give him an edge over u. After all u already told him u wanted a divorce. Thank God u have a job to fall back on, something to occupy ur time with, don't even think of leaving ur job cos u'll regret it and he'll still marry his pregnant gf. Please stop begging him cos u haven't done anything to him, u're only making his head swell.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bonny gal biko come and chop kisses...
      U said it all...
      Like WTF was that she said about resigning her job to go beg a man?
      Adonbilivit...
      U are just 28 not 48... Even if u 48?
      Damn I don taya for Una I must marry and stay married ...

      Delete
  135. Consequences of "by force" marriage.
    Take heart my dear sister
    Face your work biko
    With TIME, you will heal
    And ALL will be fine
    Please, give TIME time
    Move on already
    Trust me, if you resign
    To go and beg him, you
    May end up suicidal cus
    Guy has moved on already
    And will not take you back.
    The foundation was faulty ab initio.
    If the foundation is broken, what can the righteous do?
    Obviously, you aren't meant for each other
    It will never work.
    Omashe ooooooooo
    Consequences of "by force" marriage!

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  136. BV, you have already made the mistake and you can not stop him from doing what he wants to do. So, MOVE ON. Don't resign and don't stop your phd program that will make you valuable to your future family. Don't even be a spoiler to him, let God take the vengeance for you. This marriage has ended, let it go and let God prepare your future.

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  137. Seriously...

    Well, never you beg a man not to marry a girl...he will run,rush,hurry and marry her.

    Pray.


    xoxo mystery

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  138. #namaste#
    Hmmmmm.this is a big one.My advice is;do what would make you happy.Many pple would advice you but it is left to you to carry out what suits you.But why would you leave your job and Ph.d because of a man who doesn't know your worth!please think well,life is too precious to lose everything because of a man who was looking for an ample opportunity to opt out of your union.Please,dress and look good because your real husband is out there;capisce.

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  139. Please do not belittle yourself again.He became offensive to cover his deception.Let him be and pray to God to heal your heart, make you forget him as well as give you your own man. Be rest assured that all these will pass with time.Do not stop your PhD or put your life on hold for him. Move on God will take care of you and give you a man that will dote on you.Be wiser next time.

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  140. lol.....women are funny sha......so you want to resign, put your phd on hold and go to beg someone who is about to marry someone else? you must go to your doctor for check up walahi.....if u know what is good for you, stay where you are and file for a divorce from here.....i dont know the full procedures but they normally give notice after u file and if nothing is heard from the other party they make it final.(thats if u did court wedding).....tell your parents then go and return bride price and move on with your life.....this is not prayer and fasting matter and holding meeting up and down.....the guy is not a husband material, does not love you and no longer interested in you. move on with your life please.. women stop giving men the opportunity to maltreat you....they are not god over you, God meant them to love you not abuse you....

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  141. Dear Lord! Why would you RESIGN & PUT A HOLD ON YOUR PHD OVER A MAN THAT OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T LOVE YOU??? Appears he was FORCED into this "marriage". Let him go babes; God will send a man that deserves you...

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  142. Oh dear!resign and put your phd on hold to go and beg him huh?He doesn't love you,that is the truth!He never did,so just let him be and move on with your life.Arrangee marriage is not just it..God will dry your tears and give you the man you deserve..#hugs

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  143. Hahahahaha poster I was feelin so down until i read d part whr u wanna remove everytin gud workin 4 u in ur life 2 go beg a man somewhr. All dis naija babes una too funny. Agreed men scarece bt honey it's not dat bad nau. HIAN! Stp ur phd, resign not 2 go b wit ur sweet hubby who misses u bt 2 go beg him not 2 marry? My dear @dis point I won't evn advice 2 scrape ur knees all in d name of goin down on it 2 pray. Take a break, go ova dere wit evidence of ur marriage n sue d idiot. B sure 2 mk his life miserable as he's makin urs now come bk relax n live on.

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    Replies
    1. Tessbaby u jst won my heart....notin sooths ur pain better than good revenge....show him u can be a biatch. Stop beggin abeg

      Delete
  144. Poster: Please do not for any reason leave your job or put your life on hold for this imposter you call your husband. Marraige wey you never enjoy for one day na em you wan die put for? I beg stick to your job and PHD program. The guys is soffering from very cronic INFERIOR COMPLEX. He knows he doesn't deserve you and cannot stand your superiority. He just married you for name sake and prestige. He never intended to stay in the marraige. Kpom kpen - NKO Says so

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  145. This is so sad. Things people go through in life. Just be careful, is all I can say.

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  146. I dont understand. You said you want a divorce. Why are you now quitting your job to go and beg him?? Let him marry na. Good riddance!! He will be forced to divorce you... and you can have your life back. I dont see a problem here at all. He has made this easy for you. You guys ddnt date... havent spent a lot of time together... you ddnt mention you have love or affection for this person. Whats the issue please

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  147. Kpekele kpekele arugbo je gbese ta ni o san........ Na wa nothing we no go hear and see, oya to advisers in d house me don tire for all dis gist

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  148. i feel so sorry for her but this craze of girls marrying guys that live abroad that they know nothing of is so so dangerous. This story is so one sided and we might not know all that has happened between both of them, but i feel it would be easier for him to get rid of her than the other pregnant girl. its abnormal for newly weds to stay apart, thats the most exciting part of it na

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  149. Bia Nwata, U get sense so? you want to resign from your job to go and beg a man that don't want you, a man that has never made you happy. from all you said you guys were never married in reality but only in papers and you have never drank water and keep cup since you got married. what then are you travelling to find, God just answered your prayers. get a divorce and move on already.

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  150. The writer obviously dint contact his parent.... God help u

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  151. Please let him go, he's bad luck. Accusing you of what he's doing and very insecure. If u quit your job, you are in for a big shit with him.

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  152. I'm compelled to comment!! Please and please... DO NOT resign your job; DO NOT stop your PHD!!! That is exactly what he wants. Put yourself together and be strong. I hope you know you will suffer when you go join him. For someone that disrespects you and do not respect the sanctity of marriage... He is not worth the stress. if you notice I didn't bother saying anything about why u married a perpetual "stranger" bcos I don't cry over spilled milk.the deed is done already. You are very young and ambitious, don't let a man turn you into what u dont want so later you won't bring ur phase two sob story as tho this isn't bad enough. B guided! B wise! B smart!!

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  153. madam poster sorry oh but that's the consequences of long distance relationships.....am one of those suffering same right now.....cos of the distance u don't get to know much about the character of the guy and even the king of family he comes from.....my own husband was in naija before he relocated. though we used to say hello and meet in some circles but i never knew him very well.....fast forward years later he visits and we ran into each other again then we took it from there. we dated 2 years and mostly talked on phone with few visits in between......i went to stay with him for 2 years but didnt resign my job in naija.....the stay was a disaster cos so much happened and it was such an eye opener to the monster i married. he was the bread winner for his family so u can imagine the interference and manipulation from his mother who felt her son going abroad was her meal ticket..nothing bad in taking care of your mother, but she makes too much monetary demands and has no regards for your nuclear family then there is a red flag..i got back to naija broke arse, emotionally battered and full of regret....we tried to patch things up thereafter but as i speak things are heading for the rocks and am just waiting for one or two things to be in place before i move on.....life is to precious to keep wasting on whats not working....some women have been lucky with long distance but the truth is it helps to be in a relationship where you can see each other in diff life situations.......dont i repeat resign your job or go anywhere....just get a divorce and sit back and watch karma do its job...i can bet the new chick will soon also find out his real colour...

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  154. Don't be stupid..... Resigning from your job and putting ur phd on hold for a man you know NOTHING about and have no offspring with is the height of stupidity. Except you're not telling the whole truth..... going by this, if you end up going to beg him and he accepts and you find out while living with him that he's nothing but a scum, you'll be a loser on ALL ends. Let him go with his wahala..... you're still young, don't bother your head with inconsequential matters.

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    Replies
    1. Poster, you want to do what? Please don't be silly, leave emotions aside. The man isn't worth the stress a beg. Don't ever take that step, cos even if he pretends to leave the girl, he won't and he'ld maltreat you the more knowing fully well you are at his mercy.

      SIMMERLISTIC.

      Delete
    2. As in ehn!!!
      This poster just pissed me up that statement...
      Nonsense!!!

      Delete
  155. Hmmmm. Oriegwu

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  156. Wow! Wow!! Wow!!!
    I can feel your pain..
    Pls just leave him, u guys should just go your separate ways. You are still a young woman. He's nt d ryt one for u.
    Reason why we must involve God in our relationships before we say 'I do'. Its very necessary. Sorry darling

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  157. Chikito a.k.a Final Say26 August 2014 at 13:01

    Honey, I am gonna be very hard on you, even though I know you are hurting.
    If you leave a very promising career and your PhD to go and beg a man, a useless man (Yes cos your husband is useless) then you will live everyday of your life to regret it.
    What is wrong with you????!!! How can you be holding on to what's not there? A man pulls down your wedding pictures and gets his ex pregnant and you want to disrupt your whole life to go and beg him?
    My dear, LET HIM GO!! You are a lovely young lady with a promising career and a bright future ahead of you. I AM VERY SURE THIS MAN DOESN'T PAY YOUR BILLS.
    Please and please, let it go. Forget what people will day. Take some time off work and go somewhere to clear your head, maybe for about a month. Draft the divorce papers and mail them to him (if you have his address).
    On the other hand, after you come back from the vacay where you go to clear your head, go silent on him. Let him marry. As stella said, he will be jailed if he is in Europe. After he has married, get a lawyer and sue his ass.
    Please, let it go. Or you will be unhappy for the rest of your life. You will go abroad, you will be broke and miserable and he will still be cheating on you with numerous women.
    Take heart dear. You have tried but you should start to think with your head and not your heart. I beg you!!
    Take this as the frog you met before your prince.

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  158. My dear, the truth is that you chose that career over your marriage. You told him you want a divorce now you want to go and beg him not to marry another. Pls stop confusing yourself. It is well with you.

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  159. This is a really sad, frustrating', confusing and annoying scenario. Dont beg him. Beg him for what na. Somebody who is engaged to another person you want to go and start ur life with him. He will so give u the issues of your life and you will regret. You will wish you never married him in the 1st place not to talk of having issues for him. A word is good for the wise. Let him grant the divorce so u can move on with ur life. Dont tie urself to the apron of a man. You seem to have prospect s. Move on abeg.

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  160. Please dont beg him to leave the girl! I know its hard but please dont! You dont know whether God is doing you a favour by removing him from your life so you can find the right person. Dont put your life on hold for him. Your phd degree and your career is what you can call yours. Please dont lose it for a man who isn't even ready to be with you because in the end, resentment will still set in and you will always see him as the man you sacrificed everything for. All is well babes...*e-hugs*

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  161. I'm beginning to think this Stella is a sexist and would only post comments that supports her school of thoughts. This blog should be a public platform where people should be free to air their thoughts. I'm not not sure I find this place interesting anymore.....you can decide to post this if you wish but this message is for you.

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  162. Your situation is partly your fault. Even folks that have known themselves for a really long time, have problems if they decide to live apart. Now this is a person you really do not know.
    You do not know how insecure he is, or if he has trust issues, or his stance when it comes to marriage.
    Both of you were thrust into this situation and went with it. You could have decided to date him for a while, maybe you would have known about the ex he still fancies and know how to play your cards.
    I wouldn't even bother talking about the husband's fault. The basis of the marriage was weak and you both didn't bother working on your marriage. You both were not ready, or prepared.

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  163. Poster,d man does not love u,and he is highly insecure around u!u will end ur life in a loveless marriage if u convince him to stay..pls let go and let God

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  164. Thank you Stella for posting this, i have read all your comments and it made me stronger,i promise to dust my self and move on....just that it has not been easy emotionally.

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    Replies
    1. Nne,forget d insecure retard!
      Pop A Champagne on ma behalf...
      And celebrate d murrafucker's exit from ur life

      It wil hurt now..
      Buh trust me,not anymore in d next 72 hours!
      So gerrup n have fun Gorgeous!

      Delete
    2. What is strong with this woman. MOVE ON, NO LOOKING BACK, SHRUG IT OFF. I hope u dont come back to sdkers with another post that u want to commit suicide after not yielding to advise. A word is enof for the wise. That emotional shit u just mentioned now is annoying. Its like u av given up on urself. To a beast who is not emotionaly iinclined wit u. Grow up pls.

      Delete
    3. Remember there is no temptation that comes to you that is greater than you, but there would always be a way of escape. Don't get too blinded that you can no longer see the other way paved out for you by God. You would come out stronger and better. You've made the mistake, but remember God loves you soo much and He is right there by your side. You would have a story to tell. You would come out with a testimony. Love u. #e-hug

      Delete
  165. madam Stella,pls always endeavor to enable my comments...or do u select regular bloggers only

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  166. Poster you sound so desperate to be with this man by all means. For crying out loud, why did u rush into the marriage with a man you know nothing about? Why did u even give him your phone for weeks when he was in Nigeria, aren’t you supposed to monitor him as well, why are you begging him not to marry the lady who is 5months preggy for him? Are you that hopeless thinking you wont find a better man? Going as far as deleting all your pixs from his FB acct and not contacting you for months, what does that mean to you? It obvious he was just fooling you and I hope you weren’t given him money o, Like madam Stella rightly said “Why are you holding unto the dried skin of a caterpillar that has metamorphosed into a butterfly and flown away”. This man mind, soul and body have left you; pick the pieces of your life together and MOVE ON. You are still very young except if you aren’t saying your true age, plus you have a promising career for that matter. My dear return back to God in prayer and beg for forgiveness since you didnt consult him in the first place and thank him for saving you from that coward of a man you called husband.

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  167. Resigning to go n beg him? Worst move ever. Don't even think about it!

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  168. This is just one side of the story. I hope something about you did not put him off during those weeks he was in Nigeria.

    Anyway, forget about him. You cant force someone to love you. Maybe he is not your husband. Rose

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  169. Am ashamed of u!
    U want to go and beg him or what did u say?
    That's piece of trash don't deserve u atall and don't even humiliate urself by begging cos its obvious he never loved u and never will!
    U have a good job and if I were I will stay calm and move on with my life
    U can't beg for love!
    Its either there or not
    I don't blame this guy but u
    He should go ahead and marry his trailer trash GF for all I care!
    He is not ur class and can never be
    He's got huge complex issue
    He know he doesn't deserve u, that's why the trust issue
    He want to bring u down to his level
    Don't allow that
    NO man is worth throwing away ur life for
    Arise and shine gal
    U deserve more and u will get a better guy,
    Not gonna be easy but start thinking all the terible things he must have done and all the things u don't like about him then gradual u will forget him
    U still thinking of the sweet part that's why u wanna go beg
    Don't pls, cos nothing is there to retrieve as there has NEVER been nothing from day from!
    He wanted to use u to boost his bruised Ego
    All dis my wife....................guys
    Start living abeg!
    Move on now,
    Wish u luck!

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  170. Babes,,,how dare you think of leaving your promising career and life because of someone who does not even think you exist in the first place??? That part of your post just got me pissed off....like seriously???If you carry on with that thought of urs,,then you will be the most foolish person that ever liveth.

    Its worse enough that you made a mistake from the beginning marrying a total stranger,,someone you knew nothing about,,but it will be more terrible if you leave your promising life to pitch ur tent with someone that has no space for you. Enough of the ridicule you got from him,,move on with your life already.

    You are still very young and your future is still ahead of you.Pls let that guy go and i can assure you,you will live ur life to the fullest without that nonentity in the picture.You have no reason to beg him except his allegations against you are true or there are things you are not telling us.Your marriage was dead on arrival,,it was dead even before it started. Forget him and move on.

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  171. Babes,,,how dare you think of leaving your promising career and life because of someone who does not even think you exist in the first place??? That part of your post just got me pissed off....like seriously???If you carry on with that thought of urs,,then you will be the most foolish person that ever liveth.

    Its worse enough that you made a mistake from the beginning marrying a total stranger,,someone you knew nothing about,,but it will be more terrible if you leave your promising life to pitch ur tent with someone that has no space for you. Enough of the ridicule you got from him,,move on with your life already.

    You are still very young and your future is still ahead of you.Pls let that guy go and i can assure you,you will live ur life to the fullest without that nonentity in the picture.You have no reason to beg him except his allegations against you are true or there are things you are not telling us.Your marriage was dead on arrival,,it was dead even before it started. Forget him and move on.

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  172. You can't force a man stay with you, pls. if e no gree biko free him. Pls, if he is out of love there is nothing you can do. My story is different from yours, but I want share with you guys, some years ago I got pregnant by my so called boyfriend that had two other serious girls, I was so happy when I found out, I told him,he said he wasn't ready yet and he gave me money to abort the baby. Mean while I had my own plans, cos I was preggy and counted my self lucky so I thought I could tie him down , so I left with the cash I didn't abort the baby, fastf to 9month later I gave birth to a boy, still Oga didn't put a ring o, rather he went around with more girls, I didn't learn my lesson, the only chance I had with him again I lured him to have sex with me, and there comes another pregnancy, I didn't tell him until I was 6months gone, I wasn't even ready to tell him, a frnd of his saw me n told him I was pregnant, so he called me and I told him I was six month gone and the baby was his, he deny(we don't liv in same state) with all this I thought Bobo will marry me o! But he didn't, I pushed and pushed, I even did jazz, it was that serious, e no work o! Rather he got married to some other smallie, when no even join Us the girl friends they mumu ours selfz then. I use to curse my baby daddy out, I swore for him, but I have come to realise that I fooled my self he didn't do anything, I wanted to be married by force, now see my life, with two boys all by my self, he sends money for the kids up keep but if I wasn't desperate I for they my own hubby house, so girls plssss be carefull, if e no want yoU, he nor want you o!

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  173. poster @ 1:20.

    Harden your emotions and don't let anyone I mean anybody take you for granted. not a lover, not an arranged husband or anybody at all.
    Love yourself and those who truly love you will come to you.

    all the best!

    ReplyDelete
  174. Darling move on okay?...be strong all will be well.

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  175. WTF.... this is one hell of a story!!!! poster, abeg let him go ahead n marry his gf jare, some girls feeling like God's gift to women, nonsense...... han han Kilode? let him go joor, I'm not sure that he ever loved u, n if indeed ds story is true n not fiction, he is damn threatened of ur sucess, this kind of man will give u serious headache in future. Don't beg him, let him go, move on jare my dear. Its not easy, but with time u will get through this. Which kind of men de outside so paapaa? Na wa ooooooo.

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  176. The extent to which Nigerian females STOOP to marry an "abroad" guy is amazing! You with your MSc at 26 and undertaking a PhD at 28, with a job that sends you on training to the US, allowed yourself to be hitched into an arrangee marriage with a guy who is less qualified and probably less successful than you! You must be very stuuuuupid! Go and beg him o; yeye dey smell! Mtscheewwww!!!

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  177. no she cannot sue for bigamy... different jurisdiction, different country. She could sue him if he comes to nigeria to come and legally marry the new wife. Since its under nigerian jurisdiction, he will be committing bigamy but as long as he has not married her in whatever country he is....he can marry the other woman legally. Sorry love.... get a divorce, marry someone else, at least una no get pikin, nothing tie una together, just be glad his shit smelt quite early. For one he is an emotional abuser, believe me it will always progress to physical abuse and possibly death.
    Sweetheart, marriage no be by force... y are you begging? what did you do wrong? man up jaare..You deserve better. You will look back at these times and you will laugh. The best thing I did for myself was leave an abusive relationship... today i'm smiling with my man who loves and adores the ground i walk on...sotay when I think back about my ex and when I wan tok about his past shenanigans, i dey laugh because I go dey wonder sometimes, did I really let that happen to me.. For real, man the f**k up.

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  178. No, please don't do this to yourself. I have never been in support of divorce but this is one situation that I can comfortably say leave that man alone. Don't bother to mend the relationship because there is nothing in it for you - as at this moment, time will tell if things will change. This man is selfish and not interested in your marriage and you can't make it work with an unwilling partner. I won't judge you on the basis of not getting to know him well before marrying him because the truth is, as much as we advocate getting to know your intended well, there are no guarantees in these things. There are cases of long, short or even no courtships that the marriages are doing very well and the reverse is also the case. The important thing is how committed the individuals in the union are towards making the marriage a success. Don't punish yourself by running after putting your life on hold because of a very insensitive undeserving man. Continue your life, finish your PHD and commit your self to God. If he doesn't realise on time that he needs to retrace his footsteps, then it means god has something better for you. Don't be a victim in this issue. Move on, it's his loss and your blessing. I pray for strength for you because I know you will need it.

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  179. This post just re-freshened my scar...that's how my bf i met during nysc changed just 2months after service.....he went back home to dig out primary school results which contained class teacher's remarks on how intelligent he is e.t.c ,and sent them through bbm to me, at the time i dint get it.now he is living with a group of friends in calabar ,making aba shirt they call clothing line.

    Everyone i told gave me reasons he left me pointing to the fact that he couldn't live with me being more intelligent and promising, with all my humility and love.While still struggling with the heartbreak, i realized that some guys are really suffering from inferiority, just like my bf.
    i got a job during the trying times and have moved on,tho i still love him but i have to live cause life has more meaning,and will always have with or without the ones we think we need.

    Please take heart,focus on ur job and pray,talk to friends and family for support. God instituted marriage, and whether he really loved you or not,as long as you were both joined, the wrath of God is definitely going to be upon him.


    Tailor

    ReplyDelete

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