OMG...this isnt funny at all!!
The Narratives continue today with two stories that will nag your oants off.
The Narratives is the hottest -ish in town and i have space to accommodate your stories.
what would you do if these narratives come to you?.......
NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE.
WIDOWER WITH LOW SPERM COUNT...ANY HOPE?
I need mature advice and most especially from experienced people on your blog who probably have been through the situation I am about to share.
I am a 30yr old female, currently working and I'm dating a widower who is in his early forties.
I have two things that I feel insecure about in this relationship.
1) I'm worried if my boo is sterile/ impotent.
2) Cultural differences/ age difference.
Ps: there was no child in his previous marriage, though the wife died from ovarian cancer.
The issue is honestly as far as a life partner is concerned, I feel I can do better/ deserve more in the sense that I never thought I'll even consider marrying a widower, we all have our preferences as regards an ideal man, dreams and how we have pictured our lives to be.
So dear blog visitors, how do I confirm the potency/ validity of my boo's sperm.
I have indirectly asked him before, and I remember he said there was no problem, just low volume of sperm!!
In my mind I was like hian!!! God please I no wan enter one chance, biko.
And no!!! to those who'll tell me to try to get pregnant first.
To those who married an older spouse,How do you cope with the feeling of your first child been very young,say 12yrs and your hubby is already in his sixties......
I'm over analysing? Sometimes I feel I can get a man who is in his mid 30's / late 30's to date/marry But mom say's life isn't always like that, you don't always get what you want.
And to those that will say, as long as you love him, bear in mind that sometimes love isn't just enough. Thanks.
*why dont you convince him to go for a thorough test to know the extent of his low sperm count and what drugs can help?.Getting a younger man is reachable but in the end love is all that matters and it is what will see you through when the storm comes.follow your heart,the decision lies with you.
una never nack?lol
............................................................................................................
NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
SPOUSE WITH IRREVERSIBLE TESTICULAR FAILURE...NO HOPE!
Hello everyone, I have been married for 2yrs. I met my husband through a friend and got married shortly (we didnt date for long) .
We started having issues,he would hit me and we would tell each other terrible things, his family know about the quarrels.
We dont have kids becos he was diagnosed with total testicular failure , before now I discovered late that it was semen and not sperm coming out, meaning his testicles are damaged and can't produce sperm, the specialist gave us an option of donor sperm, saying his case is irreversible.
His family agreed to it becos thats the only choice but we all know that if I were the one with the problem, they will do everything to make me leave the marriage and bring in a fertile woman. His family dont like me and i dont know how to bring a child into this family to suffer pain, there are future problems that will occur and I have to protect my kid, the thing is my dad doesnt know what is happening ,he knows my husband is the reason we dont have a kid But he doesnt know the seriousness of the case.
We dont stay in Nigeria thats why, if he knows, he will never agree to it cos of problems that would arise now or later . I am from Christain home and my marriage is young ,my friends and families have kids and some think it's my fault but dont know what is happening.
I feel so ashamed to be in this situation,my husband and I are not even happy in the marriage and i dont know what to do so as not to end the marriage, even our latest quarrel he made a comment like " you r not doing the donor sperm becos of me ooooh"
Mayb out of frustration he said so but how will a child from this be loved by my husbands people and his "cousins " ?
Please I need urgent advice and I am scared of telling my dad cos he wont agree and I will be in the marriage without kids ,if I leave where do I go and what do I tell people is the reason ?
My people,sometimes when you see a childless couple,dont be quick to blame the woman oooooh, God bless you all as you give me correct advice.
*OMG!....Testicular failure is same thing as Ovarian failure as gives in women.In women it is reversible in most cases.A pity that your hubby's own is irreversible but theres nothing God cant do.If you are still in love with him then hold on...wish you all the best.
na wa!
ReplyDeleteN1, if ure nt comfortable, then find ur way.
DeleteN2, you still have a long way to go. You are in a marriage with yourself. And Yes, d baby will not be loved by ur hubby and his family.
Poster 1&2, run as far as you can... Ko si difference ninu situation yin. Bye
DeleteNa real wa!
Delete@ poster 1, make your partner go for a proper checkup to ascertain the situation with him. I'm afraid you're going to have to insist on this and get a 2nd opinion from a good doctor.
Hopefully he'll agree to this. Otherwise, you'll need to move on and find a more suitable partner, as there might be more he isn't telling.
@2, you already know how your partner's family would treat you if tables were turned. You also have an inkling how your husband will treat that child if you decide on donor sperm.......
There you have your answer, gbam.
Click my name for all your celebration cakes and cupcakes, cheers
Well i will advise you based on my experience. I can say I know exactly how you feel because my husband has the same problem and his family don't like me too. Many years of fasting and praying I suggested adoption he refused. He also didn't support the use of sperm donor. Eventually 3 yrs back he kind of agreed RELUCTANTLY but by then I was told I was getting to menopause early not only that I was also told I had multiple fibroids. Mind you I went for checks at the first year marriage and I was according to the doctor 99% ok, the 1% according to the doctor left to human error if there's anything like that.
DeleteMy dear that's not all 3 days back which made our marriage 10yrs and 10months exactly this man called me and told me it's over between us cos of the problems which he can't solve, my mood swings and so on and so on. Can you believe that?
I cried and cried and cried and felt like committing suicide but couldn't go thru with it. what I finally realised is I shouldn't have lived my life based on what people will say for walking out on the marriage years back.
I wanted to write to Stella 3 days back but didn't find the mental strength to do it. So here am I, hitting 40, childless, about to be single and seriously depressed. Where are all the people / pastors advising me to pray and hope and believe?
Sorry for my long epistle but my advise is make a decision you know you will not regret 5-10 yrs down the line and stick with it. But remember a woman's fertility window is not as long as a man's. If you want to talk to me ask Stella and I will send you my no. Good luck in your decision.
As for me dearest bvs pls wish me luck and favour.
Narrative 1:
DeleteYou two should see a doctor nau..
Narrative 2,
If I were you,I would leave that marriage..you guys are are not compartible simple..
Anon 3:35.... I just wanna hug you, the Lord is your strenght. Oh no.
DeleteAnon 3:35 so so sorry for what you're going, you're a strong woman God will see you through. I don't know what the future holds exactly, but one thing am sure of is there is happiness there, go find it dear. Thanks for reaching out to this person, here is a big tight hug. Never lose hope.
DeleteAnon 3:35 Kisses and hugs. You have a wonderful life ahead of you. Try adopting a child by yourself. A mother is not necessarily the woman that bears you but the one that shares her life and love with you. True love can be found in a child. The Lord is always with you and always remember miracles happen everyday.
DeleteThanks @miss prada & Nemerem. The good thing is am really optimistic about my future and am convinced a positive change is around the corner.
DeleteJesu Kristi !!!!! @ Anon 3:55 .... It's. Not too late .... I know it's hard and since he has told you to leave or divorce as the case maybe .. Not much you can do than start looking for a way out ( childlessness na war in Nigeria where we come from due to pressure from left right center back up and below )
Delete@anon. My heart breaks for u and I feel like hugging u right now. I just want you to remember that nothing happens under the sun that God doesn't kw abt. Plsssssss get up get dressed and make ur self beautiful. Dust ur self and move on with ur life and carer God that made the heaven and earth will favor u and put a new song in ur mouth. There is no time to feel sorry for urself. Just start doing everything that will make u happy. Even if it means leaving the country for some time. Ur life is not over until God takes it away from u. This is the time to celebrate. Be happy and let pple wonder inshort let them call u mad. It is ur life and u have to promise ur self that from now on u will live it to the fullest and I kw that it will be well with u.
DeleteAnon3:33, poster 1 and poster 2 u all stil have hope.. He is called Jesus... keep faith...believing is ur only connection.
DeleteI pity either of you that will pick the fast and pray advices that will roll in. Learn from the story of the anon above, walk before it's too late and don't care what peole will say. They won't be there to endure the pains with you. Goodluck
Delete@Anon! 3:35pm!...*tears*reading your story! ...remember there hope and your future is really bright.
DeleteMy God is still on the throne, He will surely make a way when there is no way.I feel like giving you a big hug and tell you it's going to be alright Dear.*E hugs*
Poster 2 if u were near me I will pull your ears well so u get the message......did you say what people will say? Do you owe any human being but God? At this age you say your father will not agree? Why live in bondage cos of others? Woman wise up and stop thinking of what others will say, u dont owe anybody any explanations.....you already know they don't like you and you want to subject yourself to their mercy....my own personal experience is hard but I have resolved to move on and God knows that is my honest advice...I have been married for some years and my hubby has humiliated me from one affair to the other.....now that am pregnant after many years of marriage he says he is filling for a divorce......I have carried this pregnancy alone and suffered emotional stress but God has kept me..he doesn't even ask how are you, how is the baby.....you can imagine when some hates you and you know it but u just have to endure, on top of that without divorce he has promised another lady marriage and she rubs it in your face?...as am writing am crying but I know my future will be good..my dear be strong and move on with your life, there is always hope for the living....
DeleteAnon 3:55 My God will surely See you tru...one door closes fr anoda 2 open. Dear hold on to him per adventure u leavn him is d only way God can separate u frm a bad situation so as to bless you.Rmba his ways is difft frm ours n he's neva late in helpn us..HOLD. ON TO JESUS may he see u tru IJN n put a huge smile on ur face dt wen u luk bak u will alwas b full of praises 2 him
DeleteAnon 3:35 - Ur joy is coming soon, there's light @ d end of d tunnel
DeleteAnon 3:35
DeleteAwwwww
Your story broke my heart.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now.
I just want you to remain strong because our God is not asleep.
He will fight your battles for you.
I pray God grants you happiness and your heart's desires, Amen.
I wish you the very best.
Thanks for sharing. I hope your story will help someone make the right decision.
#hugs
Anon 3:35: May God find you now that you need Him the most, and may he make your path rosy from now till eternity.
Delete@Poster 1
DeleteIf u feel insecure about your relationship with this man, why stay put? For heaven's sake, you re just 30. Why encage your life with another man's issue? Beside, the man in question is not even bothered to say the least if he is impotent or sterile.
Since u chose to go for a widower due to ur mum's advise, don't u think other widower's out there might be so much interested in you?
Don't marry out of pity.
Secondly, u said his wife died of ovarian cancer(may the Lord bless her soul) But are u sure he told u the truth?
Don't marry out of desperation.
Don't marry a man out of pity.
*use your tongue to count ur teeth*
#my2cent.
Am out....
Anon 3:35,
DeleteThe good Lord will see you through..
I feel so pained reading your comment.
If he wants a divorse, fine! My advise is maybe u adopt or possible get a sperm donor.
God will never leave u nor forsake u.
There is always a way out of every situation.
It is well.
As for Poster 1&2 i hope u guys can read thr Anon 3:35. Make hey while the sun shines. If una like sit down there and be contemplating what will people say.
A word is enough for the wise!
Serious cases we hv here pls N 1 pls follow ur heart
ReplyDeleteFor Dildos , vibrators with rabbits contact me. Sex enhancing supplements for men too USA FAD approved
DeleteVery serious! But Aunty Stell's "una never nack" takes the seriousness out of it. Lmao! This woman no go kill person o.
DeletePoster 1: Are you being real with yourself? Seems to me like you're using that man as spare tyre. You better make up your mind before he starts to feel the aura you're emitting.
Poster 2: For better for worse..... you're seeing worse now, I hope better gets to your bosom soon enough.
ANGELRAY SAID
ReplyDeletePoster 1plz Wear ur running shoes,
poster 2, if u ve a child for ur hubby he will not love the child,most people will advice u to pray but marriage is not a do or die affair, I don't believe in suffering and smilling in marriage, for how long will u endure.
I totally agree with u.
DeleteSo sad...but i agree with you
DeleteHe will resent the child and one day tell her to take the bastard back to his or her unknown father ... No be us naija men
DeleteUre very small-minded and useless. Its you that is a Bastard. Idiot.
DeleteHian!!! 1st narrative, like Stellz said "una neva knack b4"??? if you try to convince him to go to the hospital with you and he refuses, just steal his sperm after sex and go and check (abii na so dem dey take check the tin)
ReplyDelete2nd narrative,,it all boils down to your decision, if you really want the kids then look for a donor (a sexy black American), and do your thing, it doesnt matter if they decide to show the baby(ies) love or not...
Both relationships need to end. Stat.
ReplyDeleteNigerwifediary.blogspot.com
Thank you!
DeleteThese stories are critical.lemme just read from those that have ideas
ReplyDelete#N1: My bf is quite older than I am and I don't have any problem with his age, the older the merrier! For the low sperm count, there is IVF or drugs to boost his sperm count. I know some BVs are experienced there and can help with solutions.
ReplyDelete#N2: I don't know what to say, if a sperm donor can help, do it. One has to wear your shoe to understand your plight.
Na wa! Things dey this life. When you think it couldn't get any worse, you hear another one (remixed agonies).
Make I go sleep. Na chronicles I dey wait for since.
Poster 1...if you are overanalysing things, then walk away so you don't give him wahala after he marries. You seem to think you are a prize. If you don't love him , then leave. Don't marry him because you think you can't get any better person.
ReplyDeletePoster2...if the case was reversed, will he stay with you? On the other hand, maybe he is frustrated he can't impregnate you. ..that could be the cause of the quarrel.
Maybe he wants to try another woman believing his sperm will be more receptive to the woman, he has Ego and may still believe the problem is not from him disbelieving what the doctor said.
Trust me, if he tries another woman outside, the woman will dash him another man's belle and he will gladly accept and force himself to believe he is the owner.
The choice is yours.
XOXO MYSTERY
The mind of an average nigerian is soo myopic! Poster 2 I don't think you should have a child through a sperm donor oh, this one that they don't like you. In some marriages where the woman isn't liked by the man's family and they have kids, the hatred for the woman sometimes rubs off the kids sef talkless of your own case where the child won't be theirs cha cha. Biko don't try it. Poster 1, you two should go for test and stop worrying your head. Hbp is real.
ReplyDelete1. "The issue is honestly as far as a life partner is concerned, I feel I can do better/ deserve more in the sense that I never thought I'll even consider marrying a widower, we all have our preferences as regards an ideal man, dreams and how we have pictured our lives to be"
ReplyDeleteWhy are we having this discussion again??
2. He hits you?? And that's how he hit his testicles and damaged it! And will prolly damage you too if you don't leave!! The mumu is even the cause and yet misyarning anyhow!!
Better don't get any sperm donor coz your husband will damage the child's brain too!
Damaged man, carrying damaged testicles lokking for who to damage!
I detest wife beaters!!!
Onye akpasukwalam iwe!
Abeg. ..I totally agree with you biko. ..I ji okwu
DeleteAn average black man will not stay in both situations. They would have tried elsewhere cos they are selfish. So do what's best for your now and future. All the best!
DeleteTrue talk Oliviasilk.
DeleteI agree with you.
@anon 6:24 you are so right.
Most Nigerian men are very selfish.
They are so disloyal when problem relating to fertility crops up in marriage and the wife happens to be the one with the fault.
That's why I find it hard to offer my advice to women in this kind of situation where the man has the problem because I know deep down that if tables where turned these men won't even think twice before they merciless cheat or even send the woman parking. Not forgetting the insults and embarrassments from the man's family that the woman has to put up with too.
My honest advice to the 2 narrators is that they should weigh their options very well and follow their hearts
They should do what they know they won't regret later in life.
#Sighs
Agree with you.
DeleteN1: Seriously you are over thinking it. He is in his early 40s and you in your early 30s. Let's face it, you ain't no spring chicken. As long it's just low sperm count, u can get pregnant even without the help of Drs.
ReplyDeleteDey there dey find issues where there is none, you think you are still young abi.
N2 : Your situation is a bit tough I must say. Donor sperm is always better when it is just an agreement between you and your partner. With family members involved and your hubby acting somehow about it, I'll say give it time.
Two years is not beans (I know cos I have waited for 4yrs) but I'll say forget bout getting pregnant for now. Take a year and work on your marriage and to give your husband time to come to terms with his condition. Trust me, he is hurting more than you know
Poster 2, I tink everytin around is telln u to leave. Read d handwriting on d wall. Marriage is not a do or die affair. Boxing nd hatred frm family isn't a good 1. Talk to ur parents.
ReplyDeleteNo 2,your hubby n his family will throw u n any child u conceivve with donor sperm away.
ReplyDeleteNo 1,let him visit a hospital na. At 30 years,some people have finished "borning" and you are here thinking of getting a 30 something year old. You are talking of the man,what of u,when you are 50,your child may be 15 or less o. So talk of ur age n unhitched status n leave the guy's age
Poster, please ooooo, marriage is not a do or die affair. I noticed your love is more that's why you are trying to make this work.
ReplyDeleteFor Christ sake, he is the one with the problem, he is meant to be humble and love you. Not all girls would take the hitting and tongue lashing from his family knowing fully well that the fault is not from them.
You've seen the signs dear and you have a strong evidence to dissolve this marriage now. Don't think of what people would say cos Na you wear the shoes and Na you dey take the heat.
Highest, before two weeks, the separation news go die off and people go rest. Abeg, since your hubby or his family people no wan show love, no try be their baby factory machine ooooo.
Poster 1, Stella has said it all. Run a text. If you really love him, age is a mere number what matters is maturity and understanding.
Once God dey your side, when you guys marry, do no family planing since you want your kids to grow up with your hubby. Contemplating on searching for the guys in their 30s, once you don't love him, you go still soak your pillows with tears. Be wise please
BV1- dont you have a hospital close to you.Why not go there and run some tests on him.
ReplyDeleteSecondly you are over analysing....you better hold this one you have before menopause finds you. Afterall a bird in hand worths more than 2 in the bush abi how them dey talk am.
BV 2- i will advise you divorce your husband. No point staying in marriage where you guys are not happy and no kids involved.
Pls do the needful and save yourself some head/heart ache.
N1
ReplyDeleteIts so obvious you don't love this man and you are not happy dating him. So just end the affair already.
On the other hand, low sperm count is not as bad as it sounds. There are drugs abd certain food sufferers can take and eat to boost their sperm count. You can try googling, get reasonable tips and help your man become better.
Prayers also wirjd wonders you know.
About the age difference, its nothing to be worried about. 10yrs or othereabout age difference isn't much. He will even be a better lover cos of experience.
What you should focus now on is ways to boost his sperm count. When you guys startbthe treatment, be really supportive and show care. Make sure he does Seminal Fluid Analysis, note the sperm count. Then after completing treatment, he should also repeat same test just to see the rate of increase of the sperm count.
It is well my sister.
N2
Inform your parents. Its important they know. You can't make such life changing decision without any member of your family being aware. When the tables turn, who will protect you?
Your situation is a bit dicey. Since you already know the kind of people they are, don't get pregnant by donor sperm. They will never love that child.
Be wise.
It is well.
abd : and
DeleteWirjd: works
Start the treatment.....
poster 2 leave nd find another hubby biko. first talk to him, go to hospital nd c if it can b treated. if you love him fine if not run too.
ReplyDeleteEssy
ReplyDelete@Poster 1- If you are already asking all these questions, it means you are not sure you want to be with him, so I advice you leave and wait for your soul mate.
@Poster 2 - Your husband will never love a child conceived via a donor sperm. You don't have to remain in a marriage where you are not happy for the rest of your life. Tell your dad exactly what the problem is so he understands your future actions
1. He hits you, 2. His family members don't like you, 3. You guys quarrel a lot, 4. he is 'irreversible'. Sorry, what was your question again?
ReplyDeleteN2: Best advice for u is DO NOT, i repeat DO NOT get a sperm donor. Cos when d whole thing backfires, u wud b in a total mess. Im a happily married woman by God's grace n from ur narration, ur hubby hits u n u ppl r always quarelling besides d fact that he is the cause of the childlessness. My dear, u have to weigh ur options. Is he worth d stress of sacrificing ur happiness, cos marriage is a lifetime thing. D ball is in ur court. All d best.
ReplyDeleteN2. Pls find your way. Marriage is not by force o, if the man is understanding and his family loves you, you can do anything to please such a man. But this man is hot tempered, you guys fight all the time, he doesn't even feel you are doing thr sperm donor thing for him. Hmmm marriage no be do o die o. Maybe u are enjoying the life abroad and don't wnt to hurt him cos he took u there.
ReplyDeleteN1. Convince him to go for sperm analysis( I don't know the medical term for it). He is not too old for u, as long as u love him u r good to go. Having a child is not the ticket to happiness, you may be childless and happier than many women that have children
No 1. Yes I agree with Stella if u really want to be with him u guys need to get checked cos u boo is not getting any younger so the earlier the better for both of u
ReplyDeleteNo 2. I'm amazed that u still want to be in an abusive relationship. U do kw that if u get a sperm donor ur husband will never love that child cos as it is he doesn't give two fucks abt u for him to be hitting u. Plus his family is not even good so what is wrong with u. See if he hits u he will never treat the child right becos the bitterness of him not being able to produce will still be there . Don't start what u can't finish o. Cos once u have a child be prepared to do every single thing ur self so I advice u to weigh ur options and most of all pray
Wow.....#1....Like stella said,u both can do for a comprehensv medical chk up jus to be sure.....or u can both hv a heart to heart talk abt all d 'what ifs' u might encounter if d kids don't come on time.....dts considerin adoptn n all.....in d end....its abt d love u hv for each other n ur faith in God.....v seen young couples wit no apparent problem stay childless for a longtime......so in all,pray,follow ur heart....talk wit ur man.....if u r still not convinced,Run!!!!!!.....lol.....
ReplyDelete#2....irreversible testicular failure.....wow.....dts so unfortunate.....its still left for u to decide.....but u r already married.....and marriage is still for better or worse in so far as dres love.....In ur case u hv to tk d personal decisn to love ur child no matter wat.....even if we all kno dt in d future dre might be sidetalks......while doin d sperm donor thng,u cd also consider adoptn so dt dres no bias....but in all u n hubby must agree....but in words n in paper also....nx of kin docs,bank acc etc.....
Poster one, it is quite obvious you don't love the man because if you do, you wouldn't make such a statement as "I can do better". If you don't love him, leave him and let us stop cracking our brains for you problem ( which I believe you've made up your mind on what to do...you only came here to be cheered on)
ReplyDelete1, pls follow your heart. Its obvious you are indecisive. If you love him stay, if you have insecurities about him pls go, don't force it. The age difference is nothing. 2, can't you see that the family and the guy himself don't want you and you want to bring a sperm donor, I pity you beautifully
ReplyDeleteThis narratives pass my speciality. I humbly bow out.
ReplyDeleteThe 2 posters,una case wear RAINCOAT ooo...biko take it 2d Lord in prayers...*makes sign of the cross*
ReplyDeletePls visit my blog
Chinwenmeri.blogspot.com
Poster 1- before my elder sister got married, she asked her husband that they go for thorough tests. She told him she loves him and she won't leave but she needs to know what she is facing. Now all reproductive tests showed everything was ok, but they were both AS (she didn't know that before) After praying, she told everyone that that's her God given husband and she will proceed. Long story short, they have two kids now AA and AS. Huge risk abi??? hahahaha Tests are very mandatory when you are getting married. It saves a lot of argument and stress during the marriage. So one knows how to channel prayers, if you love the man too much to leave.
ReplyDeletePoster 2- u seem very unhappy in this your marriage. No love from hubby, unfair inlaws, infertile hubby, keeping up appearances with your family and the general public. Madam, you need to start facing this issue squarely as it is. Weigh the pros nd cons. lastly, tell your parents everything. So that his family would stop tossing you up and down. Once families are aware, it will be resolved more quickly. I tell u! They would speak for u and talk sense in ur head wherever it may apply.
Poster 2-
Poster 1: Please ask ur guy to go get a thorough test, and while you are at it, ask him to check for STDs
ReplyDeletePoster 2: If u know in your heart that this man is not a good person please leave him. He sounds like the kind of person that will treat ur child badly because he's not the biological father. Try counselling, he may be acting out because he's upset about his condition but if after 6 months - 1 year he's still angry and bitter person, pack your load and run.
Poster 1, your mum is right. What if you marry this young man and God forbid he dies after a year? The older man could be strong and live long enough to give his children away in marriage. Follow your heart but if you do not love him and are marrying based on childish logic and I must marry syndrome you might return with stories that touch the heart later because it is only in Nigeria you will not hear the bride to be talking about compatibility, running on the beach with your husband to be, travelling together, tickling each other and making each other happy . It is always cold strategy when looking for a partner then mills and boons love expectation after marriage…… one that did not exist before.
ReplyDeletePoster 2,i sympathize with ur current crisis
ReplyDeleteI would have said pray,go for counselling and all dat buh it goes beyond all dat
You urself know d obvious and have stated it:
Will ur hubby love dese kids from a "sperm donor"???
Wil ur already-troubled marriage weather d storm?
Men are egotistical.Not to mention a Man dat already feels he is short-changed.hmmmm
And why doesnt ur Dad know? Nne biko Let him know ooo
Dis matter is weighty u know;very weighty.
I pray for God's wisdom and direction as u navigate dis...its well,kk?
*Big Big Hugs Dear*
Poster 2, your husband’s family is selfishly using you to hide their son’s condition. It is almost a taboo for an African man who can’t father a child to say it out they will even ask their drivers to sleep with their wives and play daddy to the kids but if it is the woman’s problem he will throw her out. First of all your husband hits you, you are not happy that is enough reason to leave him even if you have kids. Now there are no kids so you are free to leave without any attachments. If you go the sperm donor route with such a man, he and his family will throw you out when they are tired. Your dad will not agree because he loves you and will not want you to make a mistake so be wise tell him let him get you out of there.
ReplyDeleteAt No. 2:
ReplyDeleteDo not go ahead with the procedure.
You should leave him for another man when available.
SDK used juju ooo. No follow her advice.
N1: u already knw wat u want. Frm ur narratives u dnt nd any advice as u already knw wat some of us wud say n Uve given ur replies. N2: ur case serious o. Dnt knw if I can do dat 4 anyman bt like dey say unless u find ursef in d situation u neva can tell wat u can do. Best is 2 divorce n remarry if u so wish bt if ure stickin 2 marriage knw dat ure on ur own wit cos b sure ur hubby wnt wlcm dat child/children wit luv.#myopinion#
ReplyDeletePoster 2:Marriage is for matured minds and not rukkies.Where lies Ur unwavering faith in God. U will be amazed at Ur parents support.Pls build Ur home and lovely quit d fights.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: Age s notin but a number. Meanwhile go 4 proper medical check.Then Ur next of action will be determined. Nkmama
Poster number 2, DO NOT FOLLOW YOUR HEART, FOLLOW YOUR HEAD.
ReplyDeleteHe hits you when you have issues and you want to succumb to pressure and go the "sperm donor" route! Seriously?
Please its either you love him enough to stay with him without having kids or leave him, no third choice available.
Headache
ReplyDeletePoster 2 ,u ar married to urself oh,better find way,me I dnt pity anyone this days oh,dnt try bringing any child which is nt his,he will use that against you in future.Better leave before u enter menopause am speaking from experience
ReplyDeletePoster 1- is ur hubby sperm watery? If yes it may be corrected. Check if he has so much veins on his legs, if yes he has veriocuse veins(not sure of the spelling)
ReplyDeleteNote to women- check ur man b4 marriage. Men with dis issues are always abusive cos of low self esteem.
Secondly, ask ur self if it was the woman with the issue, will the man stay? Thee answer is NO.
Women don't make such a mistake with a man. I discussed this issue @ work 90percent of men said they will run if their women had issues.
One percent said they will stay, but have a woman outside to give dem kids.
Poster 1 n 2, pls run 4 ur lives. Nija men when it comes to love, they only love with conditions n benefits.
***HEALING-RAIN***
ReplyDeleteposter1
You are not mandated to stay in that relationship if you are having second thought.
There are eligible bachelors in their 30s,all you need is patience.
Like l always stress here,time and season happeneth to everyone. Just shine your eyes so yours doesn't pass you by when you decide to blink. But if you are comfortable with this widower,let him know both of you have to have some checks done just to be.
When it comes to reproductive checks,naija men ego trip and freak out for fear of the unknown so just be nice.
Poster2
This Testicular thing,is it like a castrated bulldog case abi revenge vasectomy?
What kind of a child or children do you want to raise in that uncomfortable,abusive home where there is breakdown of respect and love?
their lives will be most miserable mbok.
My sister,truth be told your hubby go dey do side eye for any child you bring into that home unless its from him.
Since you say you are a christian,you can hang in there and pray for a change in your situation. You are afraid of what folks will say when You walk abi,when the magana starts will folks be there? No! You will only end up with a built up of resentment and bitterness which will worsen the whole situation and then daddy will eventually know what's up so l suggest you confide in your dad,let him be privy to the donor thing and he might have a solution for you.
Don't let him hit you again,you don't deserve such,better walk out in one piece
than in fragmented state. There is always a second chance for everyone,chose your happiness above all else so that your communion with God remains intact. You can't communicate with him when you are full of fear,resentment and anger. Take a break and think.
SHALOM!
Serious issues o.
ReplyDeleteHere is my opinion:
Case 1: Its disturbing that you already feel you can do better. If that is seriously how you feel, I will advise you move on cos you don't have the foundation its takes to run the distance with this man. Medically speaking, as long as he can produce sperm, there is hope for you guys but that hope is found on a rough road which I am not sure you can travel with him. Think well and don't hurt the guy, remember he lost a wife once.
Case 2: Hmmm.... If all the wahala dey like this, I ask, what are the chances you child won't be called a bastard by same family that you wanted to give a child to? What are the chances that the child won't be welcomed in anyone's home or loved by Uncles, Aunts, Cousins, Grandma and Grandpa? What do you think will happen if you end up having a child and the child has special needs, don't you think you will be on your own quickly?! Using a sperm donor only works in an environment where love flushes and families are liberal minded o!
Please oh, person no dey see sharp stick pointing toward his eye and willfully walk into it. If you must stay married, stay without a child rather than bring one into your world which is already full of anger and dislike!
Chyqueen
ReplyDeleteNarrative no 2. u beta leave dat marriage as fast as ur legs can carry u, who r those pple u r worried abt wat dey will say, at d end those same pple will blame u.
Is clear ur marriage was ova bfr it evn startd..... Go back to ya father's huse coz ur wastin ur tym dia.dnt go n brin a child dat dey will suffer....is beta to leav nw dat ur still young
ReplyDelete~@iamjbankz SA to President Jonathan 2015~
So Poster 2, why does your hubby hit you? Do you also abuse him with your bad mouth? Do you say nasty things to him. Do you remind him of the fact that he can't father a child. He can be resenting you because of all this you know. Some women's mouth can hurt more than knife. It would be better for him to have a more matured woman than you. By the way, why do your in laws hate you? (we know in laws can be funny, but its kind of strange they do in this situation) Honestly, you are not saying the truth. Tell us what you too have done. Then we can advise properly. My verdict=Leave the man!
ReplyDeleteThere are ppl who lik only themselves and their family n if d man from such family marries, they dislike d wife
DeleteAn insecured man will always beat his wife, na their way be that
DeleteU better fuck anoda man collect pikin den run later
ReplyDeleteN1, go for test with him. N2, Waka i beg.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, my hubby has the same problem and we currently want to do ivf with donor sperm. I was worried that he or his family won't treat the offspring well, but he has assured me that as long as they are mine that he would love them like his own. It wasn't easy getting to this point bcause wen he was initially diagnosed, he was distressed and refused point blank on any alternative route. Thank God that after much counselling and talks that he is excited at the prospect of having kids to love. What has helped us is that we both are friends and work hard at staying together despite the challenges. I don't know wat would have been the outcome if the reverse was the case, what I do know is that I love my hubby and feel very comfortable around him. As for his family, esp Mil, I treat them like I would any human, with love, respect and at arms length- cos some of them have exhibited some funny xters. Plus I have my mom's backing and im seriously working towards financial freedom Jst incase of any eventualities. So my dear sister, try and think rationally and if it's not working, by all means, abandon ship and seek ur fortunes elsewhere. WOW! Plenty talk on my first time commenting on SDk.'s blog. God bless.
ReplyDeletePoster 1: have sex with ur man and make sure he use a condom provided by you! Take the condom nd every every inside it to a clinic for proper laboratory test. Have your facts at hand after the test, we can then talk.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: yours is kinda complicated but with nothing is impossible. First nd foremost, work on your relationship with Hubby, work on ur marriage, bring back joy and peace into your marriage, remember a strong woman is one who has her root in Christ. Bring Jesus into your family and make him your foundation is never too late my dear.
Is after bringing back the joy and friendship of marriage that you people can bring in a child. Please my dear, you guys should stop bringing in a 3rd party into your marriage. Good luck and never you give up on your God cos his plan for you are great.
Nwunye Okeke
Stella please please please stop all this 'there is nothing God cannot do' nonsense. Its exactly this kind of thinking that is keeping us (and the black race - afterall one out of every five blacks is said to be a Nigerian) backwards. Others are pushing the edge of knowledge and innovation - the latest being womb transplant - and we are waiting for some miracle.
ReplyDeletePoster 1. Already you think you are doing your man a favour by hanging in there. My advice: move on to your younger suitors so the poor man can find a more mature young woman.
P2. Move on. Don't mind what people will say. People will say no matter what. At the end of the day, what matters is that you decided for yourself. Even if you later find out you took the wrong decision, you can always live with it. Good Luck.
But, my brother, there is really nothing God cannot do. Hehehehe. Believe it oh!
Delete@Poster 1:
ReplyDeleteYou are very judgemental and a short sighted fool. Losing a spouse is not a disease and nobody is immune to that. You think that this man you feel you deserve cannot die within two years and leave you a widow in your thirties? You are 30 y.o and you want a leave a steady relationship to go start one with someone younger? how younger? 35/ 37? and you think that one will not want to leave you for someone 27-25 because by the time you are done courting you will be mid-30's and not so fresh? You simply do not love the man you are with, and come to think of it, when you started dating him, did you not see that he was 10 years older? What moved you to go out with someone older you knowing that you were knocking 3o's? Are you sure that you are fertile? I think instead of beating around the bushes you yould set this man free given that you do not love him or head to a doctor and both get checked to settle the fertility riddle. Low sperm count can be improved with good diet or changes in lifestyle as it is very common for men.. Another way it can be mediated is with invitro fertilization. It is not a do or die affair. For me you are a gold digger who is looking for a WAY OUT.
@ Poster #2
Yopu should leave this fool stat. I don't see why you would bring a child into a situation you are not comfortable with in the first place. He should be happy and grateful to have a woman willign to stick with him in his predicament as you indicated yourself but he is there being abusive and the family waging war.. I think you should come clean with your parents about the situation and leave this fool. all you will do is give birth to a baggage that will impede you for the rest of your life. Because this marriage has no future. What will happen if in a couple of years it finally runs its course? this man cannot and will never love a child who is not his from a woman he does not love and does not respect; Do you know what emotional disorders can result in for that hypothetic child? You will have to restart your life potentially with a new man bringing in a troubled child that you can't even make sense of...
I also think that your husband dysfunctional behaviour couldbe the result of his personal guilt for his condition. Sometimes people whio suffer a handicap or who feel diminished in their ego /status develop anti-social behaviours and rejection towards their love ones. take that into consideration. The real question is, doyou love him and can you convince him to seek help? A shrink or a marriage counselor. This calls for a professional not a pastor or uncle.
Poster 1: what do you mean worrying about a 12years old with a 60 years old father? I have news for your. Its a brave new world out there. There are women that are sigle mums by choice and they are doing fine, thank you. What if you marry ayounger man and he dies, are you saying you can't raise the child alone? And you proudly announced you were working. Ol' girl this your own nobi problem. How come you are even with the man knowing your ideal man is out there waiting? And you are 30 and all this while Mr Ideal has not come knocking and you are still dreaming? # Kermit help me out here!
ReplyDeleteN2 You better stop living for other people and live for YOU. It seems you make decisions based on what people will say and not what you really want or what makes you happy.
ReplyDeleteIf the man is not enthusiastic about using a donor and the relationship is not even a happy one, do not do it. He will abandoned you with that child. Unless you want to be a single mother of an unknown donor, better talk to your dad.
Anon@3:35p.m. My heart reaches out to you. Its not the end of the world. Please dry your eyes. Plan your future. Don't let what your husband has done affect you. You are a unique person and there can never be another you. Go for a holiday -get away for a while. Don't let a man define who you are. There are lots of people who need your love. Lots of children who would give anything to have the love of a mum. I would suggest that you start thinking of adoption. You never know what love and blessing there is in providing a child with a home and love... Good luck
ReplyDeleteHey number 2. It’s a tough one but in your case nothing is there to enjoy, na u dey endure childlessness, na u dey suffer emotional abuse. This marriage can be annulled abeg, I have a strong feeling that this fellow knew about his condition even before marriage; if you can establish this fact, the marriage will be made null and void. You deserve to be happy.
ReplyDeleteAlloy ntorr gi see as u cast ursef for Linda blog commenting more than 50 times. Tufiakwa gi. Go and see how ppl dey cause you for Linda blog. Efulefu
ReplyDelete@ Anonymous 3:35PM. I think I know you (not personally). You remind me of a family friend Mrs. A. Her husband was the problem also,but she stayed in the marriage hoping and praying. But like you the husband left her after years and years. She did not sink into depression (am sure she was very sad), but she is now in the upper echelon in the medical field. She adpoted a son and is living her life. Sometimes I don't know why some prayers are not answered. But can the basket say to its weaver what are you making? We cannot question God, remain faithful pls. Live your life now, do things that you always wanted to do. Adopt a child, try another man self. Leave your ex-husband to God. I pray it is well with your soul!
ReplyDeleteAt Anon 3:55, hang in there hun. No human being is God and your destiny isn't in anybody's hands. My sister had a similar experience, hubby left her cos she was sick and there was no hope of her ever having a child. She adopted and later remarried at 45 to a wonderful man. Today they ve two lovely twins which they conceived accidentally while knacking with reckless abandon. Lol.
ReplyDeleteN1 - Live your life based on what you want not what people say. You re still young and I believe you can still meet a young person to build your future with. Don't make this mistake.
N2 - Don't do it!! Discuss with your family too.
Poster 1) you never serious with life.your question wear face cap,answer yourself,Princess Diana of Nigeria. PoSTEr 2) why didn't you inform the whole village of your husband condition? From your narrative you both don't even love yourself.which wan be my Dad my father? Marriage is for adults and not babes.both of you would have prayerfully gone for a donor without his family or your knowing..your marriage sounds like community effort..issues like this are best kept within the couple themselves and not family members.,,now that's subject of discussion among family members just forget the donor matter,carry your legs enter the single babes club again.your marriage don yamutu be that.
ReplyDeletePoster 1) you never serious with life.your question wear face cap,answer yourself,Princess Diana of Nigeria. PoSTEr 2) why didn't you inform the whole village of your husband condition? From your narrative you both don't even love yourself.which wan be my Dad my father? Marriage is for adults and not babes.both of you would have prayerfully gone for a donor without his family or your knowing..your marriage sounds like community effort..issues like this are best kept within the couple themselves and not family members.,,now that's subject of discussion among family members just forget the donor matter,carry your legs enter the single babes club again.your marriage don yamutu be that.
ReplyDeletePoster2 I think you should live d marriage
ReplyDelete@Annon 3:36,God will see you through. Never give up.
ReplyDelete#1 Pls go for a test so that your doubt will be cleared. If you give birth now, its not late my dear. Both of you should go see a doctor asap.
#2I have come to realize that people can't stand the hit of marriage any longer, God knows that these kind of problem will arise in some marriage but alas, there is nothing He can't do when you trust and believe in Him without withholding any form of doubt. Let your father know everything and try to spice up your marriage, respect, encourage him, I bet you one day he will bring up the issue of adoption. But if you feel, you can't stand it, then jey-jey have a good conversation with him, and walk away. Put God first and be a good wife. #Good luck.
P1; see a consultant together and run tests.
ReplyDeleteP2; you need to work on your marriage first before trying for kids. Obviously, the fact that he hits you is not good. If you have a baby now, i doubt your husband will love the child.
Anon 3:35
ReplyDeleteGod will give u peace. Stay strong stay focused. The sun will shine again