Nigeria Woman Who Couldn't Find Mr Right Co-Parents With A Gay Man She Met On A Donor Website

Seyi and Robert are just like any other parents. They raise two young sons, go to weddings together and give each other parenting advice.

However, there's a catch; because Robert is gay. The pair, like a rising number of people, are co-parents.

Co-parents are two people who want children but may not have found The One or aren't able to have offspring themselves.

Indeed, Seyi Joseph was desperate to be a mother while she was young but hadn't found Mr Right so she decided to do things her own way.

Seyi, 38, who was born in London, but grew up in Bradford and Nigeria, made the decision to co-parent with Robert, who also wanted children.

Speaking to FEMAIL about her decision, Seyi said: 'I had always known I wanted to be a mum. Naturally growing up I expected to meet Mr Right, fall in love and build a family with him, unfortunately I don’t have much luck when it comes to men.'

When she was 26, the former secondary school teacher tried online dating and introduction agencies. 'I realised I’d rather be a mum with no husband than wait for Mr Right and leave it too late to have children,' she said. 

'I applied for adoption in 2003. After a year of intense scrutiny I was turned down on account of being too young, too single and likely to get into a relationship; that’s when I decided to use a donor to conceive. 

'Whilst I was trying to adopt I had read quite a lot about donor children, their feelings and experiences, about how not knowing their biological background affects their sense of identity.

'This - in addition to my African background - makes it a big deal for me that a child have as much information as possible about their biological background and know their biological parents if at all possible.' 

Seyi then met 47-year-old Robert - a homosexual man who wanted to be a father - on a donor site.

She explained: 'I had been in touch with quite a number of possible donors but hadn’t found someone who shared my values and who was happy to have his identity known or be involved in our children’s lives. 

'I was at the point of giving up when I contacted Robert; we both have a similar outlook to life and similar views on parenting. I was working overseas at the time so we had time to get to know each other properly via email for almost a year before eventually meeting up.' 

They opted for artificial insemination - a treatment for infertility, when a couple cannot conceive a baby that involves directly inserting sperm into a woman's womb.

Seyi believes that artificial insemination (AI) works just as well as natural insemination (NI). Seyi gave birth to a Alex, now six. They also welcomed Elias, now two, and both sons are the light of their lives.

Robert and I are great friends, so much so this is the longest relationship I’ve had with a man who is not a relative!,' she said.

'Our boys stay with me as we both agree we’d rather they had a stable base. Robert sees the boys at least every other week and speaks to them on the phone at least once a week. Whenever possible we do things together as a family such as going to a farm, or fair or live shows. 

'We also attend family functions together; Robert was at my brother’s wedding last year for instance. Robert is named on both their birth certificates and our children have both our surnames.' 

Seyi's experience spurred a business venture and she launched Feelingbroody.com - a website for men and women looking for donor or fellow co-parents.

Speaking about her company, which charges a £150 registration fee and a further £395 for those seeking co-parents, she said: 'Feelingbroody.com is an introductions site for those seeking known sperm donors or co-parents. Unlike other sites we don’t have any profiles on our website and all members have to prove they are STI tested, provide proof of identity and agree to background checks.

'They also have to answer questions about their health and family. The aim is not just to introduce a recipient to any donor but to the right donor, to ensure people are being safe and asking the right questions before doing something that will no doubt impact their lives and those of any resultant children.'

Seyi launched the site as a result of her experience trying to conceive as a single woman. After she was turned down for adoption, she turned to a fertility clinic and says there were quite a few things that didn’t sit well with her.

'All their donors were anonymous. As a black woman I could only receive donation from a black donor (and they only had two at the time). Plus, recipients were only given minimum information about their donors i.e. age, height, eye colour, hair colour, occupation and interests.'

She continued: 'It was all so clinical, I had an IUI twice (think cervical smear), not best for relaxation or conception. On top of these it was expensive, almost £3,000 per cycle (£295 consultation, £295 tests, £1,600 (two vials at £800 per vial of semen) and £795 for the treatment itself.

'I also tried donor sites and many were not moderated or monitored so anyone could join. My main concerns with these was that you never truly know if people are who they say they are, also it seemed no one was keeping track of who was donating to who. 

'There were requests for donors who were "available this weekend" or "in the next two days" - hardly any time to get to know each other or to get tested.

'Feelingbroody.com is not nearly as popular as other donor sites but we meet the needs of a certain group of people not currently being catered for by fertility clinics or donor sites.'

Her clients are single women in their mid to late thirties, with good jobs, and lesbian couples who have been in a relationship for some time, as well as some single gay men in their 30s and older straight men in their 50s. 

'Like me they all want to know who they are procreating with and be able to answer any questions their children may have in future,' added Seyi. 

While Seyi is still single and 'open to a relationship', now that she has the two sons she'd always dreamed of, if she doesn't meet anyone she says it 'wouldn’t bother her in the least'.culled

If a lot of women consider the donor option or the surrogate option,it would take stress off a lot of marriages.Having babies this way doesnt mean your spouse is less of a complete person,it just means

you utilised your plan B properly.