Diary Of A Woman Tricked Into Marriage By Darling Husband.

Wow,this story is an eye opener!

Are there really people out there that are stuck in marriages they were tricked into?

Are there really people out there who trick people into Marriages because of financial gain?

This is how the story of my life went…….20/05/2014

On the 14^th of October 2012, I decided to start a house fellowship center close to my house, I had been invited to the house fellowship center by  a sister in the church, I really didn’t want to but then what am I doing at home after Sunday services on Sundays? Nothing, bored, lonely, so I felt for a change let me get myself busy with the word of God and in the company of my fellow brethren, so I started, after the service ended, we were ask to introduce our selves as it is the custom, at the end I reluctantly exchanged my contacts and bb pin, that was the worst mistake of my life which has left me wondering till date………..

2days later, a brother started chatting me up, wanted to know more about me and all that, I really didn’t like this but then what harm will it do? I asked myself. We got chatting, it became  a thing that even when I don’t respond to his chat on time he get upset which I reacted to letting him know that he has no right over me and as such he shouldn’t be  telling me when and how to respond to his chat, am sure that prompted him to start showing love advances so I would be committed to him, he would want to know where I am, what am doing at that moment and why am doing what am doing, it scared me but again what harm will he do I told myself. It all came rushing......

December was here and he insisted he wanted to see my parent to further prove how serious he was about me, believe me that was scary, why the rush I asked but no sincere response, he gave me the impression that he needed to journey far and would want to be married before embarking on that journey, which to everyone I told was a good and reasonable reason for me to work with him, even my father adviced me to work with him on that, I asked my father what he thinks about the rush to marry me, he said I should relax basing his response on the fact that he wanted to journey far….

That was how and when it all began, that December we did a little introduction to get acquitted with the families, he took me to his home town, met his mom and sisters, he took me to Benin to meet his immediate elder brother, whom he introduced as his best friend and brother, to the best of my knowledge the rest of the family are based abroad and do come in once in a while, so as at the time we visited they were not in the country, so he said, attempts to reach them after then always ends in …..Can’t even recall how it always ends. 

Anyways as at the time I met him he was running a program in LUTH as a medical doctor, which I confirmed and paid him a visit at the hospital then, oh what a promising future I had envisioned…..it wasn’t rosy when it all began but I had imagined a beautiful future for us and so I was willing to bear it all for the now. 

Then came the issue of his accommodation, he was putting up with his friend who is married with children as at the time, he told me a lady was molesting him, she would come into his room uninvited to throw herself at him and for this reason he needed to leave the house but didn’t have the cash to afford another apartment, he kept singing about it for a long time, I advised he gets help from his family seeing he was the last born of about 6 children, they will be in a better position to assist, then he came up with this story of growing up by himself, had struggled through school, did all sorts of minor jobs to see himself through medical school to get to where he was and that even if he goes to inform them, that no one will come to his rescue, he actually came up with a trick to get money from his brother and pleaded with me to play along which I reluctantly did but ended up in nothing, even the elder brother at that period pleaded with me to help him solve whatever problem he was going through didn’t even bother to assist, I offered to let him stay at my place pending when he get the cash to get a new place of his own.

 he stayed for almost two weeks, I wasn’t seeing any sign of wanting to get his place, I confronted him to try and get his own place that am not comfortable with him staying with me, then he pleaded that I help him take a loan from my place of work that he will pay back as soon as he get paid by the federal government, according to him the federal government have not paid them(medical doctors), taking a loan wasn’t a good suggestion in my ears, in fact it didn’t go well with me at all, but seeing that if I send him out of my house, he has nowhere else to go, I decided to take the loan after all when he get a job which I was so sure of, he will pay it off, eventually we got the loan and he rented a small place to manage. 

It was suddenly time for introduction, in my words we are not up to 3 months in the courtship and you want introduction? You don’t even have the fund to pull that through, somehow the introduction came  and went on the 30^th of march, 2013 with my cash seeing us through……lets go back a bit, back to February, 2013, he had been planning with my friend to propose to me on valentine’s day, my friend who had good intentions for me, played along without telling me helped him purchase the ring which he bought on credit, promising to pay back in two weeks, February 14^th he proposed and voila I was engaged, of course I was happy, its every lady dream to be engaged to a promising, young and intelligent man. 

Three months went by and my friend couldn’t hold it any longer cause the  person whom the ring was purchased from had been on her neck, she even had to pay the person with her money and now needed her money back, when she told me, I was down in tears like seriously??? I should pay for my engagement ring? Wow!!! 

That was heart breaking, well what will I do, the only way I could be able to put on that ring with smiles on my face was to pay for it, which I did as soon as the salary came in, when I asked him, he was furious, shouting, why would she tell me about that, of course he knew my friend will tell me by the time he refuses to pay, I knew he had no plans to pay because he had no money anywhere, his hope was built on the money the federal government was yet to pay them at least that was the impression he gave me.

We had started counselling in church in preparation for our wedding, no plans was in place, I kept cool, still hoping the government will pay before the wedding date was fixed, I kept praying and hoping…at a point he wanted the wedding to come and go quickly, I ask why he wanted it sooner than what we planned, he came up with his scholarship, that it will soon expire, that he doesn’t want to miss it and would want to go as a married man if possible go with me, I decided to inform my pastor about this development, my pastor said   that she couldnt rush the counselling for anything, he then decided to go see her himself, and pleaded with her and other ministers to help talk to our pastor to hasten up the counselling, after much pressure my pastor agreed with love and joy for me that I would be travelling with my husband after marriage so she didn’t want to be the reason I didn’t go with him or the reason he didn’t marry me.

 it began again, there was no money, nothing had been done or put in place, ooohhh how I hate the word “IT IS WELL” this is what I was hearing on a daily bases, from friends, pastor, ministers and even this man I was about to marry, IT IS WELL, became my food, but I would respond, “HEAVEN HELP THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES” because of this statement of mine, I was tagged an unbeliever, a faithless Christian, one thing I know is that God will not come from heaven to help you, you have to do something, show that you are deserving of HIS favor, grace, mercy and help.

 It all came crashing down when my wedding gown was yet to be purchased a week to my wedding and people were still telling me all will be well, or “ALL IS WELL” suddenly God used my colleagues to rescue me from that shame, they contributed 10thousand naira each to support my wedding, that was how I bought my wedding gown, he didn’t even say let me have their numbers to call them, just to show appreciation but when issues started coming up he was able to steal one of my colleagues number from my phone just so that he can narrate to her every issues in order to get favor from them. And when a colleague offered to help me to the office since we stay almost in the same area and he owns a ride so as to help me save some cash,he got upset and stole his number from my phone  so he could warn him to stay off his wife.

 What a man I had married, the lady who designed the bridal girl’s cloths he was yet to pay the poor woman, that one had called, insulted, pleaded, prayed for her money, I insisted I wasn’t going to pay that money, because I had paid for my girls,he brought his relative boasting that he would pay but he didn’t, he made a shirt for himself instead of buying and I was tired of paying the debt he owned even before I knew him. Let’s forget that part 

The wedding date came, which ought to be in December, but he didn’t like that idea, so we settled for September 12^th and 14^th 2013. We had initially agreed that I would handle the traditional marriage while him and his family would take care of the white wedding, since he didn’t have a job at the time, God bless my father for me, he stood strong for me, made sure my wedding was the talk of the town, did his best.

The list of items he was to bring on the day of the traditional marriage my father provided them to avoid shame, thinking he will show appreciation later on but no way!, the items that he ought to buy for his bride, he didn’t, my father waved that part and so it came and went. 

A day before the white wedding, through the help of his friend we were able to secure a venue, no chairs, no table, no decoration nothing, now I have to start running around for all that, no jewelries for me yet, for Christ sake this was not my dream wedding I kept saying to myself but consoled myself with the future ahead. With God still on my side and with the help of my pastor’s wife in Benin city, I was able to make plans to decorate the hall, provide chairs and table, promising to pay as soon as I get back to Lagos, she agreed and did all that she could on short notice, God be praised…..

Back to Lagos and people that he owned started calling me to pay them, he has not even paid the caterer till date, I made it clear, that part is not my business, I got calls but I still wonder how they got my contact. He said he didn’t know how, these are people I have never come in contact with in my life, suddenly they know my name and have my contact, that was strange, but how can I pay for what I know nothing about? 

God help me, I prayed. A month gone into marriage and i was already fed up, he wouldn’t want to go get a job, he said he was searching yet I leave the house and still meet him in the house, he said he goes out whenever I stepped out but I ask people around and they will tell me otherwise, so it went on, till 3months into the marriage and am like seriously, are we going to remain this way? you won’t get a job so that we can feed? 

We surely can’t rely on my pay which because of the loan I took for him has reduced drastically to nonsense, he promised he would get a job and pay off the loan and also move to a better apartment because we were living in the same apartment I helped him with when he was down searching for a place to put up, I got the apartment and furnished it to the best of my ability, hoping he would  tosh it up as time went on but never, I continued from where I stopped after marriage, brought my things over to his house so we could start managing, he even quarrelled with me on the few things I left for my sister, such as wall mirror, cooking pot, cottons then I asked “you mean you can’t buy these things for yourself”? 

hmmmmmm, na wa ooo. Here I am in my husband’s house and my single days were better, I still told myself it’s a phase it will pass, for where/ pass ko come ni……I was told it was my cross that I should carry it. All this while I never saw his credentials, nothing to prove he actually went to school less for some medical equipment he carried around in his car, did I mention he was good at what he does? Oh he was good, treatment and all that, he was nice at home, doing the house chores with me on Saturdays, helping in the kitchen before I come back from work, at a point I told him to stop cooking for me, when am not ill.

 Let’s go back a little beat, for November 2013, after marriage, where he cooked up  NYSC stories for me, that he was going to serve, I was glad at least he will be busy, but he was afraid of leaving me behind, daily I encouraged him to go ahead, he was reluctant to go, saying there was no transport and that he didn’t want to leave me behind, haba! Eventually he went, I still had to provide that money he needed, he left 2days after camp had opened, a week later he said they didn’t let him in to the camp, because he was late, not just him and so many others, whenever he called I would be listening for background voices nothing, if truly they didn’t let you and so many others in, there would be noise at the background, first his camp was to be in Lagos, later osun state then finally ogun state, I was angry with him this time because he didn’t even inform me of any NYSC plan, which I would have been of assistance, my father would have helped post him anywhere he wanted, why didn’t he inform me of this development, his response was that he wanted to surprise me.

 I didn’t like that idea because the last engagement surprise I paid for it.

 back to NYSC, okay now where are you putting up there since they didn’t let you in? he said at a friend’s house close to the camp, judging by the camp he said he was posted, there was no house anywhere close by, you travel a long distance before you even get to the camp, the camp was built at the outskate of the town, EDE CAMP. The story sha continue and I was playing along, when he returned I requested for the call up letter, another story came up, I insisted on seeing the call up letter, first there was no call up letter, later it was in the car, later at a friend’s place who helped in organizing the camp runs, later the NYSC was fake according to him that he wanted to see if he can short cut it to enable him travel this year 2014 for his scholarship, again he got me.

 I kept calm and even forgot about it but started advising him to walk towards march batch that I will personally help him with that, I called my ever willing to help father and he was ready as usual but requested for his academic details, oh boy! This time my oga said he wasn’t interested again that he doesn’t want to serve again, that it won’t affect his scholarship in any way, I was like,, is that possible? I remember when I was servicing people who studied abroad where sent back to come and serve their nation before returning to work over there, how is it going to be possible that it won’t affect you, you will be sent back, that’s for sure, all these and more I said, he insisted he wasn’t interested again and nothing will change his mind…. Na sooooooo!!! Me too I rest my case but was worried, didn’t stop asking to see his credentials, at least something to proof he actually went to school and studied, because his attitude at time made me referred to him as a taut.

You need to see him when he talking in anger, the rotten words, it hurt me for a while, I then developed a thick skin and started insulting him as well, when he insult my family, I do the same. I became strong and forcing. I became a threat to him; I notice he was scared around me and I used that to my advantage to get information from him, it didn’t work, whenever he goes for rehearsal I go searching his tins to see if I will see anything to calm myself of the fear of the unknown. This fear of the unknown generated a lot of dispute between us, I was always upset about everything, nothing he does pleases me, he now developed the habit of calling my father to calm me down, it now seemed as if am a bad person, but I knew I needed some reassurance that I have not made a mistake in marriage.

 I called a friend to help me investigate, she didn’t understand and I didn’t want to reveal my worries to any one not even my father, I needed to be sure , I also needed that fear to be false, her response was more painful than the fears I was having, how can a friend say that to me, I wept daily praying that these worries and fears would be a false alarm because I don’t know what I will do. I knew I had to tell someone.

one day, one of those arguments, it was like he was going to break my head and i wasn’t letting him have his way then my pastor’s wife pinged me, just checking on me and my marriage, then it occurred to me why not just tell her after all, she counselled us, she has been following us, so I informed her of my fears. She told me to be careful, that she will help but I needed to come tell our pastor himself about these fears and how I came about it, I agreed I went the next day telling my husband that I was going somewhere so that he wouldn’t suspect my move, I told my pastor and investigation started, this is someone the entire church of more than a thousand members consult with, he has given a talk on medical issues, he operates and take care of sick people in my church and the neighborhood.

I searched everywhere searchable, didn’t find any evidence that he went to school, dear Lord, it wasn’t funny anymore this time I was really scared to death, how on earth is this possible, kk lets not conclude yet, I had to ask him, let him kill this fear that was eating me up fast, my pastor warned me against it, so I held on for a while, but couldn’t for too long I asked him and as expected, he swore on his father’s grave, he even made me feel bad for accusing him wrongly, how could I say he didn’t go to school, how then did he become a doctor, how did he get to where he is / how come he is operating, all these questions and more he was pouring at me, at a point I felt bad and apologized and pleaded that he at least let me see his credentials.

I expected that he would out of anger bring out all this papers, statement of result, to shame me, for where??? Oyo!!!!  a month went by and still no truth about his academics, he had called my father as usual saying I was insulting him and questioning his qualifications, my father would call and make it look like am not respecting him, I would break down and cry, no one understood my pain and I didn’t want to open up, let it not be that am actually accusing him wrongly, one day,  he had just finished arguing as usual,  he had called my father again, this father of mine was tired of the report and started insulting me that am like my mother, it was so painful that I couldn’t even talk because normally I can’t cry and talk at the same time, so I burst out my fears, my pain, my worries, letting him know that this man you are insulting me for is not what he says he is, he is not worth it, my father didn’t believe me, he decided to call him, at first he denied saying am just cooking up lies on him.

 I agreed I was cooking up lies, so I told him I was going to involve the police, if he is really a doctor by their findings , they will release him if he is not whatever happens is his business, he ran away I didn’t see him till night, he now promised to tell me the next day, what is wrong telling me now?  I insisted, so he suggested we drove out, to where ? money rituals !!!, I was dead scared again, but later went with him , if I die let me die, God will judge him, we drove and got to a place and he parked and started talking, putting the blame on his family and all that, oh my God, you did not graduate? But you threat people…….continue tomorrow

21/05/2014

 I am back. My hands are aching already for typing wahala but I still have a lot to talk about, so where was i? eeeehhh… so he wasn’t a doctor, dropped out school and due shame didn’t start afresh instead played along in school, till his supposed class mate graduated, he also graduated with them, came to Lagos started acting the role of a medical doctor, with the help his friend who introduced him to a practicing medical doctor he was able learn how to operate, how to prescribe for people and so many thing as far as medicine is concerned, he was really good at what he was doing and I admired him.

 Back to the marriage, so what is going to happen to me? What becomes of this marriage? 

So you mean you married me giving false information about yourself? 

Aaaaaarrrhhhh, who will I tell my story? What do I do now? So many questions running through my head, should I walk out of this marriage or stay beside him and manage things with him, hoping it would get better? My whole world was something else, people are thinking I have hit jackpot, I married you hoping things will get better only to told that things will not get better until like 5 to 7 yrs from now? How wicked can man be?, you kept all this to yourself and made me take a loan to help you with apartment with the intention that you will pay back, now you are telling me you will never be able to pay back, I will pay that loan for the next 4yrs? 

Crying became my daily meal, I would cry all night and day, after much counselling and advice from friends, family and church I decided to stay back and see what life held for us, if this God’s plan for me let me see how it ends, but if not I was bent on making my life a better one , so I encouraged him to go back to school and find something for the mean time, no matter how little the pay is at least to get himself busy and also be able to make ends meet, so I can still address him as a man, with the help some ministers in our church, whom God will continue to bless, who also blessed us with some cash every now and then, life was picked up, they also helped with a job, a driving job somewhere, which was okay for me, I was able to smile again, when people render praises to him for making me look good I just laughed and said thank God.

Then came the issue of beating, it happened the first time, he tore my clothe, smashed my laptop, it was like a thunder landed on my head, it was at night so I couldnt run out, almost immediately he started pleading, that he didn’t know what came over him, he pleaded, he knelt down, he wept. I let that slide didn’t tell anyone, how could I even tell someone that my husband beat me?

 he quickly repaired my laptop, bought me new clothe for the one he tour, he started buying all this cheap cloths, I appreciated them, though they were cheap I liked them, the act was appreciated but the fact that I was married to school dropout, wife beater was eating me up, I get upset at everything he says and does, especially when he his doing them wrongly.

 so nagging started, we would nag and insult ourselves like we were forced into the marriage, in order to make me happy before he got the job he would wash my clothe, cook the food before I return from work, clean everywhere in the house, he really was doing a good job, but that didn’t make feel any better, during those times we argued, he would call me names, insult rubbish out of me, I would cry at every insult, telling myself I had married wrongly, after some time, I had become used to his abuses, I started giving him the same way he was giving me, I would insult him back, tell him how useless he was being a school dropout and parading himself as a doctor, he told me how I was useless as a wife, telling me how wives help their husbands in times of difficulties, that he thought I would be able to help him financially, if only he knew he would married the girls that were parading themselves around him and how rich they were and so many rubbish then I thought to myself so this guy married because he thought I was rich or that I would be able to call my entire family to his rescue when things go wrong with him? 

Wow!

What an eye opener.

 I told him how he was less a man as well, telling him how men are taking good care of their wives but am the one taking good care of myself and people giving praises to him, when I buy a shirt and I don’t buy for him, he get angry calling me a selfish wife, is it my job to buy clothes for my husband? I can buy on my own but not he making it looks like it was my job to take care of him. During another dispute that we would insults ourselves, he opened his mouth to call me barren, that I have a decayed womb, that he is not barren because he has a child, that insult I couldn’t bear, I was taking my bath when  that happened, I took a bucket of water and poured it on him, after I had cried eyes out in the bathroom and he stopped insulting me and sat down in the seating room, I didn’t know what else to do to him, I can’t beat him, I bath him up, took some cloths and left the house, I was about 30minutes out of the house, when I saw someone running towards me on the express, I was walking to my uncle’s house which wasn’t too far from me, he started dragging my bag with me, telling me I wasn’t going anywhere, you had to wait till I went this far to stop me? He was jumping up and down, parading himself on the road like a street boy, I was amazed at what I was seeing, seriously? You are this uncultured? Dragging my bag that night, calling my father again that I had packed out of the house that he doesn’t know where I was going to, not telling him what he has done to warrant me leaving the house, he eventually secceded in going with my bag which had my phone, money, keys and the money I had been able to put together for our new apartment, which was 400hundred thousand. I went ahead to where I was heading, slept there for the night, the next day I returned to meet missed calls of my father, mother, friends, pastor, and some ministers that he had told that I left the house but not telling them why I left, I picked up my bag only to find the money I kept gone, his things gone, I had not stayed up to 10minutes he came and started pleading, on his knells again, it will never happen again, he is sorry, then my parent in Christ called and I picked, they were not happy that I didn’t pick their calls, I had to start explaining how he had ran home with my phones,i explained to them why I left, they apologized and pleaded on his behalf, my father called and I explain my reasons for leaving, he got angry at the fact that he called me “BARREN”, my father in confidence told me to prepare myself to leave that marriage, that he is not making any effort to be a better person, jamb he said he has taken, he didn’t write, then he said he is writing the computer type of jamb, my father said he is yet to reach the elder brother and no one has called to apologize for deceiving the entire family, it seems they abandoned him for us, we are now to care for him when it should be the other way round, after much talk, I stayed back again, he started washing my cloths again, cooking my food, polishing my shoes before I wake up, even washing my undies, I laugh at all this act because I knew they were all pretence, after a while it stopped, I didn’t care. The rent was due, we needed to move the cash wasn’t complete again, because he took from the cash I had saved, he returned 350 thousand, giving excuses on how he spent the 50thousand he took, getting an apartment for 350 wasn’t possible, so we had to beg the landlord to give us some time to gather up and leave, as God would have it, we got an apartment for 300 but in a very bad and flooded area, what can we do we had to manage after all people are staying there so I agreed to manage, things were going smoothly, I started buying things on credit to make my kitchen beautiful which am still paying now, apart from the loan I had already taken, my colleague in the office blessed us with her furniture because her husband was making another for them, my seating room was now giving me the shape I wanted, I was happy, I bought home theater on credit which I just finished paying, the electronics I used for my NYSC was of a good use, though the television was faulty, he had promised to buy a new one because I initially wanted to give this to my sister, the deep freeze in my kitchen was a wedding gift from my place of work, things were taking shape, we didn’t quarrel, little misunderstanding were settled with laughter until when my salary was delayed, I noticed his attitude changing, probably he didn’t believe me when I say “I have not been paid” I wasn’t the only one, it was a general thing. On this faithful Sunday being the 4^th day of the month of May 2014, a night before my cousin who just came into the country paid me a visit, so I made soup and stew. We woke up late the next morning which was Sunday and so couldn’t meet a friend that normally help us to church every Sunday because our new apartment was really far from our new place of worship which we had just been sent to begin a new parish, I also already had plans to go for a colleague wedding thanksgiving but the plan was to get to church and leave later, that plan had just changed, I don’t have enough cash to take the two of us to church and also go to where I was heading, so I ask only him to go church service while I just go for the thanksgiving later, he agreed and got ready, only for him to start asking me for transport, you knew I didn’t have enough, he got angry saying I shouldn’t have allowed him get ready for church since I didn’t have the intention of helping him with transport, I went back to my sleep, then suddenly I recalled my cousin had given me 500naira a day before on his way out, so I ask him if the 500 will be enough for him, it was then he said he wasn’t going anymore, I thought he was joking , I kept quiet, woke up later and saw him seating down, I ask again wont the 500 naira be enough for you? He repeated “am not going again” I tried talking him into changing his mind because it was the first Sunday of the month, it wouldn’t be nice for the two of to be absent from church, I even pleaded with him to go to church at least to attend the thanksgiving of a church member who was dedicating his child that same day, my effort was fruitless, I decided to get set for my journey, had my breakfast and got dressed, before I finished getting dressed he was having his breakfast as well, I joined him, ate a little and left, was able to find my way to the church, couldn’t reach my colleagues cause they were already seated in the church, just when I was about entering the church he called to confirm if I had gotten to the church, I told that i just got to the church, he nagged about me not informing him that I was in church, my brother I am just in front of the church, haven’t even stepped in, still looking to be sure I was in the right place, that part ended,. After the church services we went home with the celebrant, just in time again he called and I informed him of our destination, while in the celebrant house, he called, I informed him again where i was, by the time the time the part ended, I decided to pay a visit to my colleague who had given us her furniture, since we have not officially shown appreciation, I called him to let him know of my intensions, he agreed and sent his regards, while in her house, he called I informed him I had gotten there and would spend some time there, she decided to make us feel at home by cooking for us to eat as I wasn’t the only one who followed her home, so I joined her in the kitchen while the husband was watching football, obviously when I was in the kitchen he had called I missed that call so he called my colleague who eventually gave me her phone to receive the call, I explain that my phone wasn’t with me, he nagged again. I kept quiet but was already upset at his frequent call, he called my colleague again reporting that am eating where I am that I didn’t make food for him before leaving, I was shocked that he would stoop so low, but even if that was the case, we have soup and stew, what stop you from just making something for yourself? I asked myself. So I got up to start going back, my colleague saw me off to the road, I was close home, I heard my phone ringing, I picked it up only to hear insults and abuses as usual, shouting on top of his voice, why didn’t you pick my calls, I also screamed on top of my voice like what is it!!! Are you the first to get married? Haba! I hanged up, letting him know I was close by, getting home, he was already shaking, like he just finished fighting with a lion, I walked pass him, he called me back, screaming why I didn’t pick his calls if I wanted to sleep where I went? He was angry I was angry, I responded so what if I sleep there, calling me all day, am I the only married person there? Kept calling and even went as far as calling my colleague, what is it? I asked, then he stood up like he wanted to beat me up, immediately I screamed “DON’T EVEN THINK OF IT” before I could finish that statement, slap landed on my face and head, I screamed Jesus, you heat me? he said he would do more if I don’t………………..what he said I still can’t recall, the next thing was a serious push which landed me on the floor, that was when my head collided with the television that was on the floor and one of the speakers of the home theatre fell on me, I almost picked it up to heat him but it was just me and him, I have been advice not to engaged in a fight with a man if you love yourself, I stood up, trying to pick my things on the floor at same time threaten to deal with him by the law, then I saw his phone on the floor, I picked it up and stoned it to the wall, he picked it up and pushed me the second time, I fell so hard that I felt a shock through my bones, i stood up to grab him, to enable him beat me since he had planned the beating even before I returned, while I held onto him it was then I had the beating of my life, this time I was ranting trying to pick my things on the floor again, he suddenly remembered I had a phone, he pick my phone on the floor and smashed it on the wall, the phone scattered, the inner screen went dead immediately , my nokia was able to come back to life,  he told me he will deal with me, after then I should go and do my worse, and the worse I can do is to pack my things and live, I didn’t waste time when I heard that, I went in and started parking my things, he even stood making sure I didn’t take what wasn’t mine according to him forgetting that everything in that house is mine, he had just a bag to go with, I can’t even park my things at once, I picked the few things I could urgently need in a Ghana must go bag and stepped out  not having anywhere in mind to actually go, I just stepped out, couldn’t find my keys, so I took keys on the door, knowing very well he would see mine and make do with that, he watched me leave, he didn’t call my father this time, I was out of the compound when he came running saying I should give him his keys that I took his keys, he held on the bag I was carrying and started dragging with me, that his keys were in my bag, he drag until he tour the bag with my cloths on the floor in public, I held him again this time I was ready for anything he had to dish out, he started shouting saying he was going to beat me naked me if I don’t leave him alone, speaking his language (Yoruba) jumping here and there like a street boy, oh my God, the last time he tour my cloths, we were indoor, nobody saw mi nakedness, this time we are outside I couldn’t afford that, so I left him not after biting him so hard that I could pull out his flesh, he seceded in going with the part of the bag that contains my hand bag, neighbors’ came to my rescue, pleading with him to leave me and young guys out there condemning the act of beating a woman in the first place, at this junction I couldn’t hold my tears anymore, ah what a mistake I have made in marriage, I know no man is perfect but a wife beater I cannot manage, no matter the pleading and whoever pleads on his behalf this time, my neighbors’ took me to their house, packed my cloths with her bag, watching someone park my things on the floor was heart breaking, a man I decided to stay with against all odds, even when I was told that I can walk away if I so wish to, marriage based on false identity is null. A man I had decided to suffer with even when it wasn’t part of the plan before he married me, a man I borrowed money to cover his shame? I couldn’t hold back, I spoke out in tears, telling whoever cared to listen who he really was, telling my neighbor how I had married wrongly and how it all began, how I borrowed money, even the new house we were staying was burrowed again with my name, he promised he was going sell his car to pay this time, till the day I left the car is parked with no sign to sell that car, again he is stylishly leaving that debt for me to pay, making it more than a million for me to pay, God forbid.

Somehow, I came back to the house that same day, thanks to the women who held me bound making sure I didn’t leave my husband’s house, only to find out he had searched my bag and taken the 5000naira that was meant to pay the debt I own a woman in my former parish, I had promised to give her that evening when I come for holy communion, so I kept it far away inside my purse which was in my bag, he had taken the money and left the house just the same way he did the last time. 

I decided to tell my father, the first time I will be reporting anything about my marriage to my father, he normally report himself, my bb and Nokia didn’t come up again, luckily I came home with my official phone, I quickly inserted my MTN line into my official phone, thank God I still remember my father’s number, I called him and told al that happened and that I can’t do this anymore. Trust my father, he was calling the man that just beat me up to confirm if what I told him was true, his phones were off, my father quickly sent a relative to me to help take me somewhere else but I decided to stay after all its my house and moreover he has ran away, he probably won’t be coming back, so I stayed back, surprisingly he came back, he had nowhere to go, before he came back I had moved his things to his car, which was just a bag, that is all he had in that house, when he returned, he was ranting that I had no right to pack his things out, I requested for my 5000naira, he ignored, he then went out again, to ask a church member close by to come help him beg or they just decided to follow him I don’t know, they were pleading he was ranting, denying he ever touched me, saying he only pushed me out of the way, which way? Haaaaa, this was worse than the beating, with all my swollen body? You say you didn’t touch me? I gave myself the bruises? I parked my things out by myself and started beating myself and shouting outside? I pushed myself to the floor three times and almost destroyed my electronics by myself, he told people to ask me for proof of beating, because I didn’t sustain injuries so am lying. 

I parked my things out of the house the next day which was Monday 5^th, since then I have been staying with a friend and a church member, my parent are looking for money for me to get another apartment so I can start my life all over again. I just wished they had supported me when I called off the wedding two weeks to, when he told me that there was a probability that he has a child, a probability, that he has not seen the lady nor the child only for an outsider to be telling me now that he even know the girl in question, which he introduced to them some time ago, they actually thought he would marry the girl but was shocked when he told them about me. 

Now everybody is calling me to beg not to leave him, when I called them to inform them of the lies about his identity, no body called me to say anything. Am tired of typing jare! I can’t stay married to a man I know I wouldn’t have ordinarily married 

If this is what marriage is about, am out and done.

22/052014….

Now he paint me bad and evil, he says to people that I was maltreating him, just because he wasn’t a graduate, a man I overlooked his academic setbacks, he says I never treated him like a man, that I was rude and disrespectful, no wahala, I hear but all I want now is to be on my own, start my life all over again and see what God has for me…

End of my story for now…life continues.

NOW TO MY DISCOVERIES...

27^th May, 2014

I left my deceitful life called marriage on the 5^th of May, 2014 and a lot of things i have heard that I should have heard before marrying this man, suddenly people are starting to open up on things I needed to know before marriage but I wonder why no one bothered to tell me , they had to wait till I became a victim before telling me, they had to wait till my world crashed before telling me what I should have known before now, any way I still thank God it came at all so if I ever decide to return to that life then it’s all my business.

I have just been informed on Saturday the 26^th of May that I married into a wrong family, a family who are used to blackmailing and finding their way into anything they fixed their eyes on. Was told that the man I married had presented me to his family to be a girl from a rich background, that I had returned from London for my wedding with him last year, funny ryt ? Me a londonian? Amen oooo, I pray that as he has said it so shall it be in Jesus name, Amen! 

Some say God has a reason for letting me into this family and I want to believe it but on the other hand the same God is not an author of confusion I was told, so where is this kind of destiny from, God or devil? Lord please help me cause my emotions are really weighing me down, its just me, no one cares to ask how am doing, at times I wish everything could return to normal, like he had not beaten me on that day, I was beginning to forget he ever lied, I had accepted that he was my destiny until he turned into a monster that I couldn’t recognize and how he is still denying but he will accept everything just so that I return to him imagine what my life would be after that? Lord Jesus, I pray please help me out of this mess I kept myself, please just this last time. I beg u. gat to go it’s almost midnight, work tomorrow.  

01/06/2014

First day of the month of June, I went to church today with all my heart fully ready to move on with life.

09/06/2014

My emotions are failing, I see myself crying while on the road, I see myself missing marriage, oh how I wish I had married well, they say God had a reason for putting us together but I think I found myself where I am today because God wanted me to learn the hard way since I had decided to do things my way, if I had listened to my instinct or prayed more, maybe I wouldn’t be where I am today, so this is my reward for being careless, my reward for being ignorant. Now strange questions arouse within me, like” will I ever find love?, will I ever find a man to really love me the way I want?, will I ever be able to love again?, will I ever get married?, will I ever be happy again?, will I ever find a resting place as in family wise?, wont I regret this step am taking now?, wont I be sorry for walking away later in life? My heart bleeds as these questions daily haunt me and my emotions, the fear of the unknown, fear of the future, fear of what might or might not be in future, am so scared right now that I feel I should go back to him but I know I will not be happy with him, I know am going to be frustrated living with him as a wife knowing very well that he didn’t get me rightly, he didn’t marry me sincerely, he didn’t deserve me at all, the way and manner he married me will always be an issue in my life as long as I stay back with him, then the issue of age, d age factor is going to be a big issue in our lives, looking back to what he has done and said, I may never be able to stop seeing him as a young boy that got me fooled, even though I knew the age difference before I married him, I thought it wouldn’t be an issue. 

I have seen things within 9months of my life, than what others have seen in 9years of their marriage. God I still thank you''. 

The chronicles of blog visitor narratives is not coming today but will continue tomorrow.....send in your narratives if you have a story that you need advice on or one that will serve as a lesson!