Now let us look at it this way...
If Mr right or Mr available is not forthcoming and the biological clock is almost finishing its last round of ticking,is it a bad idea to become a baby mama? or should one just let it be until old age is the only thing one has to sit and gist with?
I am not preaching here but do you agree that it is better to be a baby mama?Or should one wait for a husband until their ovaries dry out?
This should be interesting,please do not come here cussing out anyone for the stand they have taken.....*comment pot*
 |
| whatever your opinion,please take a sit! |
Read this....
Beloved Stella,
Kudos to your blog for the positivity it represents. please accord this some space on your blog so we can all learn from it please (thank you in advance). Believe me Stella, a lot of ladies are at the crossroads because of what this article is about.
There is this issue i have been pondering on for a while now and it is about hardworking ladies with legit means of livelihood, who cannot find Mr. Right. If there is something ladies so desire badly, it is the joy of motherhood. A woman who suffers from a broken/bad marriage will always smile whenever she looks at her kids. At least, she has something - someone to live for. Now according to Biblical standards, a woman should not have a child outside wedlock. But it has been statistically proven that men are much more than women on earth and as such, not every lady will get married (or do you think every lady on earth will get married?) while some men will get married to more than one lady. Even the Bible confirms it that some ladies will beg men to just bear their last names and beg to carry their child.
Now there are ladies out there who make a honest living, and live average/above average to say the least. If there is a lady who is 40 years old and still single, is it wrong if she decides to have a child and nurture the child on her own outside wedlock? Religion will frown at this: but should a lady be denied the joys of motherhood just because she never found a man to share the rest of her life with? Isn't it just unfair for life to play 2:0 (no life companion, no joy of motherhood) at such women?
I shared this with a male friend of mine, he seriously frowned at it and said "if a lady is not destined to marry, she is also not destined to enjoy motherhood. So on no account should she try to birth a child out of wedlock, no matter how well to do she is". I opened my mouth, surprised at his very harsh response. So if i am 40, work and live well, no man in my life after frantically searching, and i decide to have a child before dreadful menopause catches up on me, is it wrong? Will God be angry with me?
PS: I have an aunt who is in this "shoes" (she is even 45 years old) and whenever we talk, her regret is why she did not get pregnant earlier and have a child to nurture and keep her company as she lives alone, always lonely and needs company. She doesn't regret not finding Mr. Right. She regrets been denied the joy of motherhood. Her case sparked my numerous thoughts.
i'd like your opinion Stella, that of Lady Igo (from a religious angle), Blog Lord (From a non-religious angle as she seems not to be somewhat religious. lol) and other BV's too.
Many Thanks Stella!!
Miss Blackie.
I dont believe a woman should have a child out of wedlock. but because of what is happening now, most are getting children out of wedlock. BUT IT IS STILL BAD.
ReplyDeleteGod's word cannot be changed or altered.
there are scientific methods of getting pregnant.
BELIEVE IN GOD ALMIGHTY. HIS HANDS IS NOT TOO SHORTENED OR HIS EARS HEAVY THAT HE CANNOT HEAR OF DO WHAT WE WANT
No woman is meant to have a child outside wedlock...the bible cannot change for anyone
Deletewww.glowyshoe.blogspot.com
Do the walking and let your shoes do the talking
www.hawtshoes.co.uk
Every pot or pan has its cover. Thank you lord for your promises will always come to pass and you are not man to lie or deceive.
DeleteThat is all ive got to say about this matter. Stella abeg shift yansh small make i sitdon!!
Thank u@love me jeje.
DeleteWhat is bad is bad,God cannot be mocked!
But as a human,i will advise ladies who are approaching there menopause and isn't married,to get pregnant and console themselves with it.
Am not talking abt Anna banner kind of baby mama.........I encourage people like rita Dominic 2 do so.
But all the ssh, it isn't right!
Nowadays, women raise the children alone, whether they are married or single.
DeleteMy advice for every woman who is financially stable and unmarried is to have a child or two.
Women, your happiness is not tied to a man or marriage. Happiness lies in you.
Between, I am 30, unmarried and pregnant with twins. My baby daddy is not even aware I am pregnant.
What happened to adoption? Why are people hell bent on having biological children when we have thousands of orphans living in squalor? Adopting a child will save you the headache of baby mama drama.
DeleteIts easy for everyone to be judgemental on this. Who wears d shoes, knows where it hurts. This is my story. I got married in 2009 and by early 2013 my marriage packed up. We had no kids. I left d marriage cos my husband was lazy, always sitting on his arse waiting for me to provide and he was always accusing me of being d barren one. I won't put it all on him though but d marriage packed. Fast forward to 2014 october, I decided I was no longer going to allow another man molest and use me d way my ex did and I decided to adopt a child, d process was not so straight forward, so I gave up on that. I had dis male friend and I told him I wanted to get pregnant, he agreed to help and in d same month I got pregnant. I am 8+months pregnant now and I av never been happier in my life. I work and own a business of my own so I can afford to do this alone. My mum and siblings weren't happy about it at first but they have all come around and are so supportive. Everytime I feel my baby kick in my womb, its a whole new level of joy. I won't advice women to do this but I am completely happy with my decision and as for what society will say, where was 'society' when my ex turned me to an emotional wreck and drained my finances. From an elated expectant mum
DeleteOh and I forgot to add, the guy who 'helped' get me pregnant is very single. We aren't dating but he is very supportive of me and d baby we are expecting
DeleteNothing wrong at all . expecially once a lady is above 30 no husband.
DeleteI would cont to use my cousin as an example, she met a medical doc after her nysc, promised her marriage she was 29 after she got pregnant once she removed twice he wanted her to remove she refused he dumped her and left for the states, she alone raised the kids got a bank job she suffered a lot I mean suffered to be where she is I can't give details so decoders here won't decode, as we speak those kids (twins) a boy and a girl are the only kids she have in life same applies to the man.who later came and built one big hospital in abj.
he has been pleading for one of the kids to study medicine, who answer am ?he came back begging.she no see husband til today he no see wife, his still after small small girls.if she has aborted those kids today were would she be? the the boy just graduated from ......While the girl is in final year. ...........she is living her life like it's golden. no man stress 2 beautiful kids.am not justifying the act,what am saying is,if u find your self in such position, there is nothing bad about it.
I see where your school of thought came from.
DeleteI agree with anon 14:41 and german juice. I know it's not easy. I don't even know wot to do if f I find myself in such situation. ...!ut I'll stil advice u have a child on your own and train @least to keep u company. Nothing like your own child. Blood is blood. I mean why should I adopt when I can have mine. If u'r still of d birthing age pls do and save yourself d trauma0of loneliness.@least u'l face your kid(s) and leave other matters that don't concern u. Frustration and depression won't set in. Thats my advice
DeletePoster, u need advice from all... was it necessary specifying people's advice that must show? what if u came and met just the two advice? Be diplomatic when u need something!
DeleteBack to the matter:
I personally see nothing wrong in a woman birthing her own child if she doesn't get married. Though it's best when u are approaching late 30's. So u won't be in a hurry to do that and booom; Mr right appears from nowhere
Anon 14:11. I am sure your 'helper' then was not good enough for you until now that you are desperate.
DeleteIf you cant find Mr right oh yes you can have a child so you dont lose out both ways.
DeleteI often wonder what the difference is for a woman who has children while married and is the divorced and a woman who has children without getting married in the first place. It seems to me that they both end up in the same place but one may carry the scars and bitterness of a failed marriage while the other is free from such baggage if it was by choice
DeleteWhat's bad is bad!!
DeleteMe I know that there's nobody woman out there who is good and has just little bad (We all have a -ve side) and will still be single. Gods plan toward us are plans of good and not of evil so its his desire that we all get married and not only that, be fruitful. So when you are nice and all, someone will want you and desire you. All the women complaining, its either they are proud, dirty, diabolical, mannerless or something. Some will be thinking they're still young and will be doing sisi kàákìrï and no man will want an Arugbo at home.
See BVs, God doesn't wish anyone bad or evil so women should watch themselves.
When things are not working, we should check ourselves.
Some things are not easy o, but God will never be a liar.
Its well.
But I know its not easy at all....
I won't say anything again sha, cos many things I have heard and seen, the faults are from the individuals... And they won't see their faults, they blame it on others.
Delete**spreads rug**
ReplyDelete*sipping moet*
this should be interesting
Stella, i would like to correct you on certain terms. You and many others tend to use the word "baby mama" anyhow. A good example is this write up. If a single woman decided to have a child, she's a mom not a baby mama. A single mum(divorced, engaged, planned to get married n then had a kid in d process). Baby mama: a female who got pregnant w/o any commitment from the child's father. Most cases-bed buddies! So stop being rude to people who thier hubby died, lost love or chose to hv a kid by terming them all "Baby momma"
DeleteOver to all aunty gwegs,anyway me think every lady has a destined man for herself, it's now depends on how she come dey Waka, some na their bad attitude they take chase their hubby.anyway like u said nothing can compare to the joy of motherhood, but if u must go, for.an unknown sperm donor,so as not to break anybody 's home in ur quest to taste motherhood ,no go fuck person husband o
ReplyDeleteNo Cursing yet you still called them Aunty Gwegs!!!Mschewwww
DeleteDon't be ignorant. How can u say every women has a destined man. What is the population of men and women. Why do people attribute women not having husbands to bad attitude? How can u prove this theory?
DeleteHmmmm...if I tell u the story of my aunt who has a very bad attitude ehn, I no just dey mood for epistle today. But the thing is that as pretty as she is, no man could date her for more than a month. Even we her nieces and nephews couldn't tolerate her temper. Very very mean and she never smiled.
DeleteMy mother became worried to the extent that they started begging any man that just meets with her to please tolerate her excesses that she would change, for where? Even the apartments she lived her neighbours resented her. So she kept moving from one house to another. It affected her work too. No one could handle her. Finally she moved to one house where the landlord is a polygamist. The man started asking her out and my aunty felt insulted. She was like, ehn, me? This illiterate bla bla. Long story short, it was this man that managed to get her pregnant at almost 50, and that's the only child she has till today.
No husband no companion, nothing. Because of her behaviour her daughter too is living in self inflicted isolation and bitterness. At least my aunty won't die a loner even though I dislike the story of her life. I pray her daughter ends well and not adopt her mom's behavioural deficiency.
Thought I didn't want to type epistle? Lol.
Sis eko, Look, its true o, very very very true, over true. That's exactly what I also wrote o,
DeleteAnd the prob is that they won't see that they have an attitude and they'll feel they are perfect
DeleteExacty Stella, iv had this thought in my head for a while, personally I wldnt condemn any woman who'd make the decision of choosin to have her bioological child b4 menopause, out of wedlock.. It depends on her financial stability and religious belief. I hv this 35yr old single sister stl waitin on the lord for the ryt man, I'm thinkn of a way to tell her to start noturing the idea & damn wat society thinks of single parenting, who their thoughts don help??
ReplyDeleteThank you.... Cos at the end of the day it's all about your happiness. Society won't be with u when u are 45, lonely and without a child.
DeleteWell said.
DeleteYea right.
DeleteThere are many circumstances surrounding birthing a child 👶 outside wedlock. Rape, relationship, e.t.c. Most women don't love to have a child 👶 or children 🚸 and in dis case such pple will prefer to be childless whether in or out of wedlock. From experience, a child 👶 is a beautiful gift 🎁 and brings joy 😂 so it's better one has a child 👶 to be with if they don't get married.
ReplyDeleteHahhahhhahhah @ somewhat not religious.
ReplyDeleteIssokay! I go soon turn revrend sister.
Ok down to the matter at hand.
I only frown at small girls deliberately becoming babymama out of their selfish interest.
If a good woman cannot find a man, and she has been patiently waiting for Mr Right but he ain't forthcoming, by all means get to a sperm bank and get yourself a baby.
Otherwise, find a man that isnt ready to be attached, have a mutual understanding and get him to impregnate you. As long as he is not somebody else's husband.
It is only your child that will take care of you at old age. No ones else will.
Friends will come and go
Even some husbands will come and go
BBut your child(ren) will stand by you till you return to dust.
close your eyes to the grammatical errors biko.
Delete*one
*babymamas
Not all children 🚸 @bloglord. Even tho u are right, some kids are just efulefu. Wayward. To d extent of abandoning their parent.
DeleteI agree with you Bloglord. If you have the means to take care of a child and you have a way of getting pregnant why not do it. Bring that child into this world. My elder sis is thinking towards having a child now and I'm in full support. I don't want her life wasted,no guy coming for marriage. She takes care of people own so it's time for her to have her own before she clocks 40.
DeleteGbam!!!...
DeleteAll the aunty gwegz here should read this...
Gbamest......chop kiss bloggy!!!
DeleteChildren are d koko no matter how Una see am....
I no wan talk much jare!!!
I concur with you. I'm a single mom(not by choice tho...got engaged,belle came,gv birth n baby father chngd mouth) I'm in my early 30s n believe me,i ain't regretting been a mother out of wedlock. Ladies,if u don clock 30 n no man is forth coming,start thinking of hving a baby b4 ur clock ticks away.
DeleteA million likes!! Just go to a sperm bank and voila! Get a child that you can call your own in as much as you can take care of yourself and the child.
DeleteLet me settle down to chop your kiss Nwuye Okija.
DeleteIt doesn't come often.
KiIikikikiki
Lol @ it doesn't come often.....
DeleteMy bloggy darling!!!!
@ Bloglord. Why not a married man? He need not know. A friend did it. Met this man who was ideal in all ways except he was very much happily married! As soon as she confirmed she was pregnant, she started showing the poor man skills. The man had no choice but to end the relationship. My friend got what she wanted: a child of her own with no man wahala. She didn't want a single man who could turn around years later to be making demands. As for the married man, she says she knows he won't leave his wife and all she need do is to threaten to spill the beans to his wife and he will scamper!
DeleteI have a lot to say about this topic and it's surrounding scenarios. I even have one so close to home that I may share here. Perhaps when I'm in the mood I'll share the narrative with Stella. It's such a dicy situation and hard to absolve anyone of any wrong doings. This one's are even a couple that got themselves into some awkward nonsense o. Hmmmm
DeleteThat man she finds single and willing may eventually become someone's husband
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAn aunty is in her 50s now n menopausal,every time she calls me she is crying .Why?
DeleteShe is lonely. She wants people around her.
No hubby,no kid.
She says she regrets not having a child . I told her to check all medical avenues ,that we will be by her
I will say get pregnant fast!!!!
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine not having my own kids!!!
What happens when you are 50 and it's too late.
When you become 60, 70 and beyond without your own kids?
I have 2 friends. One is 36 years old, the other is 39 years old. No husband. No boyfriend self. I will direct them here to read comments.
I don't know ooh.
ReplyDeleteThank God you said religion frowns at such,well.in Europe,North America and South America its not like that.they don't frown at baby mama here!!!even the Gov pay them every month!whats wrong with adoptin a child too.....my opinion is that if you are above 40 and my right is not coming get prego n take care of the baby period
ReplyDeleteIf you approach it from the religious perspective , it is wrong.Basically, what you are indirectly doing is telling God is you are tired of waiting for him to answer your prayers and you are ready to take matters into your own hands, hmmm.
DeleteHaving said that, reality is once you start hitting 34 to 35, you may need to consider having a kid.The eggs are getting weaker, pregnancy gets tougher as we age.My take is as long as you are not self centered and trying to destroy somebody's home, do what you have to do.Get sperm donors or a single man, widower, divorcee etc.
Adoption can also be considered, crux of the matter is having a companion later in life whether biological or adopted.
The same society will laugh at you later and blame you for not having a kid when you were younger.
You people N the rubish information you spread. Please pay them for what? I'm a single mom and NOBODY pays me a dime. I am not on benefits(who wants to live in the ghetto where it isnt safe?,live off foodstamp and not hv credit and other important things u need to live a normal life )! I work my ass off to care for myself & my child. Just recently, my daughter's father tried to come into her life and dude hit me with this same nonsense u spewed up there(you get help frm d govt). He lives in the UK and i live in the US, i've never lived in the UK neither has he ever lived in the US. So him coming at me with that BS (that he probably read online)isnt jst fair. That's trying to take away frm my hard work. So you guys should be careful before u say things u know nothing about. NOT everyone QUALIFIES or APPLIES for benefits...And nopes, it's not AUTO! So stop!!!!
DeleteI agree with you anon 17.32, we in the uk get more in terms of benefits ( single parent or not), compared to people in the states.
DeleteAnon 17.32 who is fighting with you or whom are u fighting with? Are they not entitled to give their opinions? What's wrong with those living off foodstamps. Some are just underprivileged. Not their wish though.Cool down
DeleteThe generalization got under my skin. Tired of hearing it.There is absolutely nothing wrong with people living off foodstamps & Living in a sec 8 housing. Just the way the rich cant gerenelize and say everyone is rich is how people shouldnt say everyone gets help.
DeleteTHELMA ENEMUWE said...
ReplyDeleteWhen a woman's biological clock is ticking away and a life partner is not in-view,she should go get laid or get a sperm donor to fertilize her eggs,what kind of a woman would allow her ovaries dry out without mothering a child(ren) if she can bring up singlehandedly??,dear poster,if your 45yr old aunt can still carry pregnancy to term,let her do somthing about it NOW and stop wallowing in self pity,she shouldn't rule out adoption too.....any lady that fall in aunty gwegwe's category should wisen up and do the needful.....nothing beats the joy of motherhood and ΐ cant wait to experience it too.
*faithful BV enemuwe thelma*
THELMA ENEMUWE said...
ReplyDeleteWhen a woman's biological clock is ticking away and a life partner is not in-view,she should go get laid or get a sperm donor to fertilize her eggs,what kind of a woman would allow her ovaries dry out without mothering a child(ren) if she can bring up singlehandedly??,dear poster,if your 45yr old aunt can still carry pregnancy to term,let her do somthing about it NOW and stop wallowing in self pity,she shouldn't rule out adoption too.....any lady that fall in aunty gwegwe's category should wisen up and do the needful.....nothing beats the joy of motherhood and ΐ cant wait to experience it too.
*faithful BV enemuwe thelma*
I'm a 37yr old Banker with a good salary and I stay alone in PH, I've ticked my calendar already to travel to europe & visit the sperm bank for a donor, I MUST pass all my assets n properties to my biological child, what am I working hard for in ths life? To die and my brothers children take it all?? No o... I'd keep bible for one corner n get preg, cus iv done evrythg humanly possibl to get a guy, the annoyn part is I'm nt badly behaved or hideous lookn, most gals that hookup evryoda saturday cnt evn stand close to me, Iv got this Ini edos kinda body with kate henshuns kinda face, which isn't bad at all na..... So I'm tired jare, I eveen tried getn a donor here in 9ja to do the job, that one sef hard to find responsible guy, u see all this fine boys with swag, enough baggage full their body.
ReplyDeleteNo need for a sperm bank...I can give u 1 litre free of charge
DeleteIt is well. I wish you well. You'll carry your own child in your arms very soon. Just remain optimistic. Very wise decision you made. way to go!
DeleteHope you are moderate tempered. Maybe we can be just frnds who knows: achilles141411 at gmail dot come . Reside in lag
DeleteSorry about that but review your decisions before u execute them.
DeleteWhy Europe. Abeg get a married rich man n let him impregnate you.
DeletePoster someone like u is exactly who am looking for u dont need to pay sperm bank anything am ready to be a responsible father tired of waiting for right gal how can i have ur contact?
DeletePoster someone like u is exactly who am looking for u dont need to pay sperm bank anything am ready to be a responsible father tired of waiting for right gal how can i have ur contact?
DeleteLol @ bitchplis.
DeleteHnmm
ReplyDeleteLet me relax and read comments.
ReplyDeleteSociety frown @ what,dose society pays my bills,i love kids and I will like to have some. I don't think a woman should be denied the joy of motherhood because she doesn't have a man,there are men who are willing to impregnate you everywhere
ReplyDeleteHmmm, I was just talking about this same topic with my girlfriends recently. If you have the means (money), and no man or marriage in sight, that's an option that should be explored. If Mr right comes along later on, I'll explain to him. But my sperm is coming from a sperm bank, gives me the option of selecting (smart baby and the whole shebang).
ReplyDeleteReminds me of Jennifer Lopez movie The Back Up Plan.
Thou art inexcusable oh man.
ReplyDeleteI believe children are a blessing and should be celebrated no matter how they come.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how people even allow themselves to be restricted by religious and traditional bottlenecks.
It's not as if those people whose validation we so desperately seek in order to be termed perfect are themselves without sin.
We have just one life to live and I'll rather spend mine making myself happy than abiding to the dictates of society.
I'm married with a child but if for some happenstance If I found myself at 40, alone with a good and comfortable life, I will get pregnant and have 2 children for the same man. 2 kids so they would always have each other and from the same man so there'd be that genetic link. Times have moved past the old lonely spinsters. Would rather be the bubbly older baby mama of an unseen responsible man.
ReplyDeleteOne of my aunts did this and she is very happy. People should do what makes them happy and not allow society to dictate to them how they should live. At the end of the day you are responsible for your own happiness. And yes I know some Nigerians can be judgmental but guess what if the ones around you are then make friends with non Nigerians or the ones that are not and move on. At the end of the day if you were to ask them about their background you would surprised at the stories relating to ther own births.
DeleteMake i siddon read comment...
ReplyDeleteFirst of all poster Do you understand what the Joy of motherhood really means?
ReplyDeleteIt doesnt start and end with getting pregnant and birthing a child my dear.
Having your partner stand by you through the aftermath when baby is colllicky and squirmish, feverish and screaming, laughing and playing etc, these are inclusive. Are you ready for these all by yourself?
When you are thinking of becoming a baby mama and dreaming of joys of motherhood please put this into consideration.
After giving birth some people pass thru postpartum depression and their partners play a huge part in helping them thru this, will your shared partner be there to cope with the good times and bad or go to the sunny side and leave you to your fate?
Joys of motherhood comprises of a great deal and more too psychologically it affects the child a lot. You will be alone thru all the hassles, are u prepared?
And if you don't get that partner, what do you do? Die unhappy??? I don't like when people have their heads in the clouds. Ermm...pls tell me how many fathers possess all these so called qualities you mentioned. The joy of motherhood is the joy you derive knowing that you created a whole being and have the responsibility of catering for them so don't deceive yourself with all them gibberish you are illustrating here!
DeleteThank you so much Gossipgalnsuk how many husbands actually possess those qualities mentioned. A whole lot of married women live as single mothers while in a selfish marriage .The Nigeria man believes that d place of a woman is in d kitchen,responsible for d kids and bedroom.What is money if u don't have kids to spend on and not that you can't have them.ohhhhhh please
DeleteRead and assimilate - Did you read where I said if she is ready to do all these stated above alone? A Partner is just an added bonus of support and note baby mama knows the dada and as the human mind is, one day it will wander and try to make up the what ifs and what would have beens. Use a sperm bank dont poach and expect what will never be.
DeleteExotic eyez mimi, like say d husband come die, yes no one is praying for death, won't the woman see d baby do it all... please when God said said it was wrong the society wasn't so bad... men had respect for women and vice versa, we all know what we deserve and if at d end of it all we ain't getting wat we think we deserve we should ought for another plan I mean there's nobody dt dsnt deserve happiness, that's why children are gift from God and a gift makes u and I happy right... anyways I've been thinking of this for a while, I'm not perfect but I know I deserve a good man just haven't met him yet, I nor even like wait till 31 bfr I go d nearest sperm bank for yankee here... except I find him and I want him to be deserving of me and him of me. Else baby, I'm getting u soon will just tell u ur dad ran off and I nvr saw him again. LoL
DeleteAnd please tell me if all who are married husbands stays with them forever? You better open your eyes to what is happening around you and not this fairytales you are talking about
DeleteLovely eyez Mrs exotic
DeleteBlog Lord, thank you very much for that answer,i totally agree wit u
ReplyDeleteThank ma.
DeleteDicey. This all depends on the person involved. Getting pregnant outside wedlock is same as sleeping with a man or woman outside wedlock. It's more of a personal decision. If you feel good with it go for it and if you don't then stay put. However, make sure you are financially and morally strong enough to face the consequencies.
ReplyDeleteThere comes a time in one's life when pple's opinion doesnt count yes i believe in God buh smtimes life could be so cruel that u gat to jus move ahead .my opinon who nor see husband atleast make im born after all are the CEO of our lives.my two cents
ReplyDeleteI think a woman approaching menopause should consider doing that if she genuinely wants to care for another human being (some single parents are terrible at raising kids) and finds having a child a necessity. Otherwise, forget it and live your life.
ReplyDeleteFor me, the only reason I am so keen on marriage is because of children. So if I find my self in this situation, I will go ahead and have a child or two provided I can take care of them. And I might even consider an anonymous( in that way my children are exclusively mine) but very cute donor hehehehee. Anyway, that's my opinion.
I think a woman approaching menopause should consider doing that if she genuinely wants to care for another human being (some single parents are terrible at raising kids) and finds having a child a necessity. Otherwise, forget it and live your life.
ReplyDeleteFor me, the only reason I am so keen on marriage is because of children. So if I find my self in this situation, I will go ahead and have a child or two provided I can take care of them. And I might even consider an anonymous( in that way my children are exclusively mine) but very cute donor hehehehee. Anyway, that's my opinion.
Like my aunt said to me ,the next generation will be better because more boys are being born compared the the 5:1 ratio of female to male.
ReplyDeleteOn the matter at hand,We cannot choose when to birth or marry bcos we do not own our lives,God does..All that happen to us is destined by Him.So you can do insemination 50 times and still lose the foetus or child ,likewise you can plan belle for man tire make e no stay.
Just believe,whatever life throws you,It's God's will. I have seen a 50yrs old woman get married and have kids.I have seen people who's kids of their youth die before their eyes in their old age..Trust in the Lord,lean not on your own understanding.
How about Those women with children still begging in their old age,No guarantee that one child or 50 children of your womb will comfort or take care of anyone in your old age.
If God say make you marry,marry.If na to born outside wedlock,Go ahead. There was no record of Hagar remarrying.Na single mother and Angel still bless am.
Live for today,Leave tomorrow to Your Maker.
Shikena.
You are worded, Lushchic, and thanks for sharing.
DeleteAnother Gbamest comment!!!
DeleteVery Rational and Objective point. Chop kisses. Some girls dey live with Babalawo all in d name of to change d cause of destiny. I blv, I receive I bless God
DeleteSpot on
DeleteCorrect Lushchick!!!
DeleteIf a woman clocks 40 and no husband, omo na to find pikin born sharp sharp, who cares what society will say,u are not living ur life for anyone it's all about what makes you happy. Better to be a single mum than to be a barren wife.
ReplyDeleteA friend needs a wife 30 to 38yrs,a believer ,educated,tall and have oganigwe.must be business minded and ready to go into politics. I am confused oh! The oganigwe na joke oh
ReplyDeleteWhere is your friend ? I have someone who over matches the description . Oya let the intro begin
DeleteWetin be oganigwe?
DeleteMy friend is in Abj but in makurdi presently and he is a business man
Delete@teacher Oganigwe i term it as boobs
DeleteI am 33, a Christian, size 38k boobs, I wear US16w clothing, I go school sha, my papa na politician and journalist, mama na lawyer so I get good pedigree, I am 5 7"" tall from the south south region of . I qualify? Where I fit send my cv?
DeletePerson go fear slangs
DeleteNa wah for this kind of slangs
DeleteDon't I just love you Blog Lord for this comment.
ReplyDelete*shines teeth*
DeleteWink!
Well, for me. I don't see any problem with getting pregnant when Mr right isn't forth coming. As a matter of fact, I totally agree with the idea in as much as the lady is financially stable and can give optimal care to the a child. The joys of motherhood is incomparable and so lack of Mr Right shldnt stop any independent single lady from having that.
ReplyDeleteThe options are there; either a sperm donor from sperm bank or a man who won't be bothered about shouldering responsibilities or adoption.
I personally won't deprive myself of experiencing it because Mr Right isn't forth coming when I have those options to select from. Life is too short to be in regret and depressed. It's your life and so live it to the fullest regardless of what people would say.
What about a man who is unmarried?
DeleteAnd is close to 50 will fertility issues?
What will he do?
Only GOD knows the end from the beginning
Human wisdom is limited!
I am almost 40, working and have a comfortable apartment. I have been seriously considering having a child as marriage doesn't look like it's gonna happen to me anytime soon. The major drawbacks are who to impregnate me(HIV etc) and the thought of raising a child alone (what if I get terminal illness).
ReplyDeleteSperm bank to the rescue
DeleteI'm in full support of single parenting when a lady is getting advanced in age provided you can give the child the best lifestyle he/she deserves. Adoption won't be a bad idea as well. Just be ready to play both fatherly and motherly roles. Not every one is lucky when it comes to love and relationships.
ReplyDeleteIf you are approaching the menopause age, or the age when the rate of having a child with down syndrome is high and you are not married....please have a child.
ReplyDeleteIf hubby comes afterwards, he would understand
There is nothing bad if a lady clocks 40yrs,living well,still single,and decided to bring a child(companion) into the world.
ReplyDeleteSincerely. That's wat I think. If I get close to that age,and I am still single,although I don't pray for that,I will bring a child into the world and I will pray she is a girl,bcos I love baby girls,dey are always taking care of them mum,they always thank their mums for not aborting dem,but baby boys grow up and fall in love with babes that will press their mumu bottons and even forget dem mumsy,them go even blame their mum for bringing dem into the world,walahi.
LMAO
DeleteI dont think its a bad idea,to have a child out of wedlock,especially when the lady is of age and has an income to support herself..
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to push a child through your vigina to be a mom. If she wants to experience motherhood she can always adopt. They are babies out there in need of nurturing. She doesn't have to open her vajay to be a mom. Adoption is always an option.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why only few people are mentioning adoption. The real love you have for a child comes after you birth them o. It grows with each passing day. You don't always have to birth a child to feel that love. Go to an orphanage and spend time with the children. One of them will eventually pull your motherly string. You can adopt weeks old babies. Please I know marriage is sweet when you are looking from afar but if you have prayed and your husband has not located you yet, believe God, the universe or whatever you choose to believe in has a reason. The worst pain in marriage is wondering if you should have waited for someone else, after you've said I do.
DeleteThere is nothing bad if a lady clocks 40yrs,living well,still single,and decided to bring a child(companion) into the world.
ReplyDeleteSincerely. That's wat I think. If I get close to that age,and I am still single,although I don't pray for that,I will bring a child into the world and I will pray she is a girl,bcos I love baby girls,dey are always taking care of them mum,they always thank their mums for not aborting dem,but baby boys grow up and fall in love with babes that will press their mumu bottons and even forget dem mumsy,them go even blame their mum for bringing dem into the world,walahi.
It shows lack of proper upbringing when a young girl gets pregi out of wedlock, shows "confam" when a celebrity does just like they are doing it everywhere but when a matured lady of about 40 n above gets preggi, I see it as a good thing instead of staying alone n thinking to death. But then there is also an option of adoption. My aunt adopted twin boy n girl together when she was 45 as no hubby was forthcoming. Now d kids are about,7. Going to d best school. keeping her happy n occupied. So I don't think its bad totally.
ReplyDeleteBeing at that age and alone is d worst thing a woman can face cause the loneliness she would be feeling no be here e dey,no husband to call your own no children to make you happy or even talk to,you're just by yourself i don't see anything wrong with it as long as you don't go abt fucking any tom dick and harry all in d name of you want to get pregnant or sleeping with someone's husband, the best thing to do is to get a sperm donor,you can decide to get from a friend or from an unknown person it's your decision or if dat doesn't work out there is always the choice of adoption, you don't need to give birth to a Child for it to be yours
ReplyDeleteSome pple re dying to b alone. Marriages r not fun anymore. Living hell
DeleteAs for me, instead of a lady staying lonely and depressed at old age, it's good to av a child to call ur own, adopted, birthing, anyway dt suites u. As for me I will welcome d idea of birthing my own child if fate of marriage didn't smile on my way, but by God's grace, I will marry my dream man n av my dream family but if it didn't work out, I will still av my dream family without d man dia, but it's adviced to get an unknown sperm donor so as not to be hunted either by a wife, gf or story dt touches d heart oneday. Maybe d guy coming back to claim d baby someday. Dts my opinion.
ReplyDeleteDeres nufink wrong with being a single mother........I have loads of friends in there 30s who are single moms......Thank God for civilisation pple dnt look down on single mothers anymore......so my dear it all depends on you and wat you want for yourself ......but even with the child you did still get lonely and want dat companionship dat men gives........life is all abt choices
ReplyDeleteEVERYONE HAS A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY, WHATEVER MAKES THEM HAPPY BUT NOT AT THE EXPENSES OF SOMEONE ELSES NOT EVEN THE UNBORN CHILD. HOW WILL A CHILD FEEL WHEN HE GROWS UP AND THERE'S NO DADDY BECAUSE HE'S A PRODUCT OF SPERM BANK. I THINK AN UNATTACHED FATHER IS BETTER
ReplyDeleteSee your life, so a sperm bank is worse than a thief or mad father? Daft soul
DeleteThere is no guarantee in life that a man will stand by you till death even if we all wish for it. Friends come and go. But the smile of a child keeps you feeling happier than anything in the world.
ReplyDeleteTake this scenario, girl has abortions because they don't want to be labelled a single mom. She finally find "the man", has kids with him then down the line something happens. Maybe he leaves the girl or maybe dies. She then becomes a single mom, what she has been trying to avoid.
Basically no one can control tomorrow so if you find yourself in a situation that will mean you will be a single mom, don't deny yourself that joy because a man will not bring half as much joy (or none) as a child will
Your comment so on point
DeleteA lot of things come into play here. I have an elder sister that did just that. Had a child when Mr right and age was no longer on her side. But in her case na one widower she meet take born. Even when d guy was ready to marry her she refused cos she just wanted to have that experience of motherhood before it was to late. And ironically she birthed d only male child d man has. All his previous issues are girls so u can imagine. If a single lady is capable of providing for her child then by all means go ahead and do it. But if u want to go by d sperm donor stuff, pray hard oh be4 na witch sperm u go get.
ReplyDeleteIt's very funny how women reason.so because u don't find a husband u will destroy another woman's peace of mind by getting pregnant for her husband?i heard one ugly black she goat called Boje oodo is pregnant for my husband.i just dey wait when time come fulani man go speak queens english.onuofia onyiberibe.mtcheww.
ReplyDeleteLearn to love share and accept. We don't own our husbands. That na d 1 u know, there cld b others
DeleteJehovah! You anon 19:49 are finished! Pathetic low self-esteem! And you will raise children!!
DeleteAlthough the bible frowns at it. I personally do not condemn such. Once a husband is not forthcoming at age 35 and you have a good means of raising a child without anyone's help then do it, so far you are not snatching someone else's husband.
ReplyDeleteEveryone has the right to be happy.
Happy at what price?
DeletePls. women Don't let religious doctrine take away ur future Joy, They will mock at last if U don't have a child(calling names Ogbanje, Witch etc)
ReplyDeleteThe Bible Say be Smart as serpent and calm as dove.
Be Fruitful & Multiply
Note: Not all the Married are happy
please ladies adopt if you can. There are so many orphans out there that just need someone to love them
ReplyDeletei love this topic.i think i will do exactly this if am clocking 35 without a man. An anonymous 14:11 said she asked a guy to help her out in getting pregnant, i don't think you should have tell the guy. because it do backfire sometimes. the guy might come back to ask for the child later.
ReplyDeleteI don't see anything wrong with it at all. That's how one of my elder sisters waited and waited for Mr right till she died at age 34. Pikin she no leave. I have another sister who's 39,no hubby,no issue. Me I'm 28,I'm already concluding plans to take in for one nice Bros when dey seriously talk marriage. Whether it happens or not,I want a baby before I start to hear stories that touch. The problem with Nigerians is hypocrisy. they hate people who speak their minds. All the people openly condemning this issue here,if you investigate,your jaws will drop at the kind of things they do o. They might even have 5 babies out of wedlock for different baby mamas/daddies.
ReplyDeleteI can help any member of SDK as long as l no go put water inside jerry can, l will give Stella my number.
ReplyDeleteI think it's ok for ladies at that age to go ahead and have children if they can shoulder the responsibilities. I can't pass the opportunity of knowing and seeing how my own baby will look like. I need a mini-me. Adopting is also a good idea but I prefer birthing mine first.
ReplyDeleteI honestly really think marriage is overrated.....dont get me wrong, its a beautiful thing if you find your soulmate...u will be in the union effortlessly. However, God help you if thats not the case. My take on this, if you are approaching 40 or are older.....kindly do yourself massive a favour by having a child....especially if you cant afford it! I mean, why not?? You deserve to be happy if motherhood is your thing, go all out for it. My POV
ReplyDeleteLadies and sentiment do you think guys dont also want to be father, I can help out once u r serious.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very serious matter. Going by the bible, It's very wrong. Having kids outside wedlock is kicked against by religion. But the loneliness that comes with childlessness n no marriage I'll wish on no one. My opinion is to get a guy that will be discrete about the whole arrangement n get pregnant, God will understand.
ReplyDeleteMy own is, baby mama for who?
ReplyDeleteA married man or single man?
Knowing ladies, they would look out for good looking and established men, in case, she loses her income or the un expected happens.
Why not adopt instead?
Ok! Off to read comments.
Nitty.
Its not good to have kids out of wedlock.
ReplyDeleteFor wetin nah as in the Holy Bible permits it or our parents...
@Banker lady,If you are serious dont go abroad,am a responsible banker too, I can be ur donor,Give Stella ur contact
ReplyDeleteHello I'm a guy in search of a lady for a serious relationship that will lead into something. I'm dark, 5'11, have a good job, yourba and resides in Lagos she must be around 26 and above, educated I don't mind about tribe or where she stay. anyone interested should add me on Bbm 2B8A079D. Thank you...
ReplyDeleteAll those saying it is bad, wait till u are in same situation, then u will know if it's good or bad. My dear as long as u have the financial capacity to be a single mother, go for it. Damn what people will say, they won't be there in ur lonely days and nights, it sick old age.
ReplyDeletePlease have your child.. dont let the pressure from society or religion prevent your happiness.. you want a child and a husband is not forthcoming.. you are old, you cant continue to wait. please find a man that is keen to help you or if you dont like that, find a sperm bank. PLEASE HAVE YOUR CHILD. God will understand. he knows you are not perfect...
ReplyDeleteHmmmm my eyes don open today o. God give all d single ladies there choice of Mr right. Amen
ReplyDeleteI was just discussing this with friends. Please if you are getting old with no man in sight . Have a baby and you won't regret it. No marriage is guaranteed. A word is enough for the wise.
ReplyDeleteFor those ladies wishing to have kids , I pray it comes through for you , as I have a sister in her early forties , who works with one of these multinationals in Europe she has tried Ivf and used donor sperm twice , told her having waited this far better make we get half oyinbo for family .
ReplyDeleteBut suffice is it to say that with all the money , all efforts have failed na so so cry . I really pray for her cause she is very lonely .
Well my ish is that for as long as you don't intend wrecking another man's home or coming back to to hunt the man and his family because you born for am . For me ooooh , if anyone tries that for my side na die , in any which way , I cannot build for anyone to come and collect nmmmba nu !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My friend deliberately targeted her ideal man even though he was happily married. Bobo didn't know he was only a sperm donor. As soon as my friend confirmed she was pregnant, she started acting up, making unreasonable demands and even hinting she didn't mind being No.2! Bobo had no choice but to break it up. Of course he didn't know she was pregnant. My friend got what she wanted, her own baby without a man's wahala. She said she didn't want a single guy who might turn up in future demanding a role in her's or the child's life.
ReplyDeleteMy friend deliberately targeted her ideal man even though he was happily married. Bobo didn't know he was only a sperm donor. As soon as my friend confirmed she was pregnant, she started acting up, making unreasonable demands and even hinting she didn't mind being No.2! Bobo had no choice but to break it up. Of course he didn't know she was pregnant. My friend got what she wanted, her own baby without a man's wahala. She said she didn't want a single guy who might turn up in future demanding a role in her's or the child's life.
ReplyDeleteIf u choose to be a single mother, by all means do so whether u are 18, 25,35 or 50. The decision to create a human being should not be borne out of a decision as selfish as u not wanting to be alone. This is how people raise dysfunctional human beings.
ReplyDeleteSo u are 35 and rich, good job or good business, do u think that child is automatically going to cure your loneliness? Do u realize that that child will leave u one day? What is you die? Do u have a plan in place to cater for the child u selfishly brought into the world?
Have a baby because you want to be a mother and really want to raise an individual who will be beneficial to society and not because your biological clock is ticking and u don't want to be alone.
The one person , I'm sorry to say, should have thought twice before having kids is a certain designer, u teach ur kids to be vain and they don't have anybody else to look up to except u and your boy toy. It's sad, just sad.
Anon 18.45. U are just a bitter person. My personal experience has nothing to do with u but I understand where u are coming from. U are probably one of the lazy ones that seats on his or 'her' arse waiting for who will feed u so u assume everyone is as desperate as u. I can neva be desperate. I made a choice, and am joyfully living with it. U can burn extra candles if d matter pain u too much
ReplyDeleteChizoba that always insult single ladies should comw and comment on this post.
ReplyDeleteChizoba changed her name to aunty gwegwegawe 1 of sdk to legitimize her insult
Deletehmm lessons has been learned.
ReplyDeleteDon't go looking for a married man to scatter his home because you are looking for Ready made man..And i know Nigerian babes after giving birth you will begin to demand marriage because in your mind you want the stability and security that his wife is enjoying So you carry your witchcraft and stand disturbing his household because lets face it every woman whether the agree or not wants a man to come home to.
ReplyDeleteAnon 23.10 you are a typical Nigerian who sees a single lady as a witch. If she is a widow na bigger witch. Mtcheeew
DeleteTo me, if she sleeps with someone she's not married to or another woman's husband, that's sin cos it's fornication but if she does artificial insemination with donors sperm, i feel it's ok. Bible only talks about fornication not assisted conception. Adoption is anoda option
ReplyDeleteAbout 99% of the comments here make me shudder. A big thank you to ExoticEyez MiMi for her courage and candour.
ReplyDeleteI have not seen anything showing that we Nigerians ever think of the afterlife. Making this an urgent matter shows our lack of trust in God. Ditching the morals of our religion because of a trial like this brings to question the strength of our faith.
I humbly suggest that if you see yourself in such a situation, thank God because He alone knows the kind of life He has planned for you. Maybe he is sparing you heartbreak-the type that would even cost you your salvation. Maybe he wants you to practice the highest form of detachment, which means that you would not be so selfish to seek to have your own child, but go and adopt. You will be repaid a hundredfold as Jesus said in Mark 10:29-30 (29Jesus said, “Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or farms, for My sake and for the gospel’s sake, 30but that he will receive a hundred times as much now in the present age, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and farms, along with persecutions; and in the age to come, eternal life. 31“But many who are first will be last, and the last, first.”)
Who said you cannot adopt your nephew or niece(especially if you are wealthy)? They will look after you. I have seen people who did that and they had a wonderful life.
Besides, people who dare God like that are in for a big surprise. If that child dies before you, in your old age nko?
Every child deserves a family where he is born out of love of a father and a mother, not out of Scientific processes. Let our selfishness not make us deny our children their inalienable rights.
I am sure it is ppl like you that advice women to stay in abusive rlnships and pray for their spouse,I read a thread on mamalette on fb about a woman who said her horseband started hitting her,most of the ppl said it was her fault,that they where sure she was rude DTS why he hit her, dt she shldnt reply him anytym he talks,quoting the bible and giving excuses as to why he hit her and why she shld remain. I was in shock,dis is d reason why so many women remain in abusive rlnships who can dey run too,wen some of deir family members blame dem for the abuse.
DeleteOook so stella u won't post my comment abi? Ok na.
ReplyDelete