Hmmm these two Narratives got me down emotionally....
NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
BOULEVARD OF BROKEN DREAMS!
In many ways, our childhood defines the rest of our life.
My was childhood shattered by pain and suffering. Poverty and abuse in the home turned my childhood into a battle for survival.
I was raised by an abusive, alcoholic, uncle and his wicked wife. Who often reminds me that the only reason they think my mother chose not to abort me was so others would have someone to use as a punching bag, which they did. That it would had been best, if I was wasted. According to them, I was useless. They were both psychopathic who became violent when they drank. With this, I was convinced God did have a reason not to bless them, with a child of their own. The wife even stabbed me once. With them I didn't see the four walls of any school. But when further living with them became more harrowing and slavery, being physically, emotionally and psychologically abused. Then I found the courage and will to run. Yes, I did run away to nowhere.
Sleeping at open spaces, begging for alms, ploughing dump sites. I lived the street life, eventual made some reasonable friends. And one of them became my new family, I got a factory job and enrolled into evening tutorial class. Wrote GCE and JAMB twice, got into a polytechnic, studied engineering and graduated in at an older age.
As an adult I accepted my past and use it to firm my resolve to be a better parent. Then I got married with kids. I know how extraordinary it is to have emerged from a cauldron of malevolence to become a fully functional adult who is able to love and to look forward to giving my children the start I never had.
Eventually, I lost my job. After two years of under and unemployment, things became difficult at home. And the little business I manage is dying as income declines, I'm hard pressed. At a point I started becoming the same monster I condemned, traits resurfacing in my life. Had to go for counselling and took a parenting class.
Just so I could feel confident about my intrinsic ability to be a wonderful father. Still I fear, I might turn out after all a bad father, as money bites me harder it seems I'm taking it out on my family.
Bvs I need opinions, how should I go about it?
This is really deep and i could feel the hopelessness reading this mail.I am lost for words and would leave those who can chip in a word that will calm your situation.
Remember that even when we cannot see that ray of sunlight,Heaven has still got a plan B when your plan A fails.
............................................................................................................
NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT GONE WRONG.
Hello Stella,i am irrevocably in love with your blog and i must say i cant go a day without coming on here.Took me few days to decide if I should share this with my fellow bvs,but guess what..."if you cant spill it out on here,you can do it nowhere"...
I met my BF last year and it was love at first sight...believe me its best thing that has ever happened to me;he's ambitious,cute,jovial and very understanding.Hes a 26year old barrister that has achieved everything in life...
Heres the problem....
I am 21 and i am in my 1st year in a nursing school somewhere in Asia and i wont be done till 2018..He promised to wait for me to be through but as it is now,i doubt if he can.
I'm very close with his family and they said they dont mind sponsoring my education only if i can move to Nigeria;I am cool with it actually but i dont want to offend my folks..I tried to put myself in his shoes and yes it sure hurts cos 4years is lonnngggg.
He hasnt been concentrating at work cause hes lonely and frustrated...He lives in a very big house and does everything alone..I love him so much,yet i dont want to waste his time...Few days ago,we decided to give it a break and let God's will happen...Its the biggest decision we have ever made but we had no choice..
Had a long conversation with his mum ;her tears made me weak as i could feel every pain in her words..i am typing in tears cause i feel like a part of me is about to leave me..Dear bvs,did we make the right decision???
Do you guys think this is a test???
Do you think we can pull through???
Can We ever get over each other???
...Still cant believe i am giving up my love....Please dont cuss me out..Thank you.
My dear ,love is perfectly beautiful when all the eyes are dotted and the tees are crossed.He is through with school and you are about to start yours....VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU FINISH AND GET A JOB TO SUPPORT YOURSELF.
Your parents are not in support of your going back to Nigeria to school like you told and they were very angry when you suggested it.
You are still very young and the most important thing right now is to get you educated,all other things can wait.If he cannot wait then he should step aside..
Stells, i hv missed dis blog ooo. Please pass popcorn, make I read comments.
ReplyDelete#Space Booked#
Poster 1, please don't give up. There's light at the end of the tunnel.
DeletePoster 2, please, don't choose love over your career. If the love is yours, he will wait for you to finish school. Should you even decide to get married as a student, it's never easy combining studies with pregnancy.
@Bae, who to pass you popcorn? Wetin do your leg? Pls go take the popcorn under the bed where you kept it.
Delete@Poster 2, 300million girls are waiting to snatch him from you.
Don't you visit Naija for vacay? Use that opportunity to get pregnant for him sharp sharp
My brother, I feel your pain, it is not easy, as a man with responsibility, this trying times....But what I have to tell you us to keep faith and be strong, very strong. You were able to surmount your initial challenges viz a viz ur abusive guardians, this one should be a walk in the park for you, what won't kill you should make you stronger. Be closer to ur family, if you have an understanding wife, make her your confidant, always discuss every issues with her, and pray for a divine solution afterwards. Don't think too much, u will be amazed to know that a lot of people, families, have passed through worse, but then, they came out stronger. It will be well.
Delete@poster1 : keep your head up!
DeleteThere is usually light at the end of the tunnel.
Don't channel your aggression towards your wife.
Find something no matter how small and do....God got plans for u.
Don't abuse your wife.
@poster2 : concentrate on your education and leave Love alone.
But if you both can't live without each other, then get married and continue with your school.
But I will advise you to face your education.
Stella, where is my comment?
DeletePoster 1: I feel you. Childhood experiences can influence our mentality and how we respond to life. I pray God to heal the pain in your past. Life comes with its ups and downs. U may be in your 'down' now but be sure u will rise again. Just don't give up on God 'cause He won't give up on u. Though it may not be easy, continue to be strong and determined not to carry out your frustrations on your family. Do away with the fear in your heart and believe that despite your bad childhood, that you can be a great father. Ask God to help u do this. But I assure you my dear that it is only a passing phase of your life. The best is ahead. Philippians 4:6,7 is for you.
Deletewww.mitchelleobatu.blogspot.com
Narrative 1... Please pray often at a point you will find your inner peace and everything else will fall into place. When every other thing fails God never fails...
DeleteNarrative 2... so sorry but right now you have made the best choice. If it's meant to be you both will find your way back together.
Poster 1- the first time that struck me wt ur post is your command of English, you wrote so well for someone who didn't start school early. Did someone write this for you? *side eyes*.
DeleteNo matter what happens, this too shall pass and you will survive. We all have ups and downs in life, believe you will conquer. I expected that given what you have passed through in your early stage of life when you were fragile and not-so-mature, that at this stage you would have toughened up. I also like the fact that you seek ways to be a better man, please continue, God is watching you. Keep a positive attitude and remain loving to your family. Keep praying and seeking for better opportunities, something will surely work out for you.
Poster 1, I am more comfortable when 2 ppl have dated for a while before one of them relocates to another country, making it a long dist rship. This una love-at-first-sight....hmmm. Whether you made a right decision or not, it would have been very UNWISE to leave ur studies and come back to Nigeria, abi were you not schooling there already b4 you met him? I don't like the fact that they want you to come bk to school in Nigeria, because of what?? What kind of suggestion is that?? Not an option pls. You will get a better degree there (Asia). I hope you did not consider this at all, bcoz if you did, na em be say love don enter ur eyes. Always use ur head!
I always love giving love time to know if it will last. Since you have called it quit, remain friends and if after you are done wt school and d love is still der, cool! And if bobo changes his mind now and say he wants u guys to continue d long dist rship, cool too! But don't put all your eggs in one basket, you never know what 2moro brings. The love shacking u ppl now may soon wane, that's a possibility dear. Keep all options open and pray for God's direction. FOCUS ON YOUR EDUCATION.
P1, from ur narrative one can see a determined young man who refused to back down in the midst of hatred, abuse n rejection ...
DeleteU re a warrior, don't give up d fight! It'll soon shine on u . So, hang in there it shall end in praise.
P2, y was d mum crying? I don't understand
Poster 1 I truly understand ur plight...I know what it is to lack...it's about the most painful and soul-saddening experience one can ever go through bh these are my words for u...sometimes things go extremely wrong that u keep wondering if u offended God in any way..truth is...he sees u...he knows what u are going through...and at the end of the day he will give u reasons to smile so much that u may not even remember the sadness u went through...pls be steadfast..my tots are with u.
DeletePoster 2...everyone is saying u should forget about ur man...my opinion is quite different...in this part of the world true love is hard to find...it's clear that ur bfs mom is even hurt as well..you can only imagine what ur bf is going through...his pain may not even be that he's lonely at the moment...it's certainly cz its unimaginable to come to terms that he has to be that way for another three years..it's really painful...reverse roles and ull understand exactly how it hurts...I'll advice u find other ways to keep ur relationship cz u may lose a Man U may never find...I suggest u make up by coming back often wen u r on break...that's if ur family or himself can cover the cost..if he sees u once or twice in a year,I believe it can go a long way to ease his surviving without u...don't give up on love...it never comes back twice...u need to give him reasons to wait...u need to give him memories to hold on to u even as distant as u both are...talk to him more often...Skype..FaceTime..whatever...keep ur man cz at the end of day there may never be another 'him'
Bia Stellz Stellz, u supose knw when u see beggy beggy alert nah. Ndi poster one be very kiaful. Ontop say u dey find helper u com carry dis tory of pesin wen wicked u when u be pikin, as u don grow finish now u still never face ur life? Sotey when u dey gbensh ur wife u nor remember ur suffer head as pikin oh, buh now wey u need money feed na hin u begin type long grammar dey form past is hunting me, to gather pity n money. Bros comot ere n goan find work like ur mates. If al of us gather begin talk wetin we suffer as children, pity go full ground o. So notin new for ur matter abeg, go to sites and look for labourer work. Na daily payment u go get. Comot for computer cos u wan scam people. Even Stells sef do suffer head b4 baba God pay her hustle. Go hustle my friend n stop composing grammar like chinua achebe up n down. Stells post my comment oh!
Delete**Adaorah**
Am surprised @ how shallow minded u truly are, do u realize our childhood experiences sharpen our lives directly or indirectly.Not evry1 spills a problem to get sympathy,frm his writeup u can tell he genuinely needs counsel. Try to b emphatic dear.
DeleteI will sit and read comments
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Poster1, hummm may God bless everybody in your condition including myself, this life can be partial sometimes.
Delete@Poster 2, as for me, education and money before love, use you tongue and count your teeth
*Larry was here*
P 1: don't worry u would be fine
DeleteP 2: let God take control. Love u both
Poster 1; you must forgive ur aunt and the husband, that's the first step.
Deletehmmmm dhtz.all i can say......p1 de lord will help u
DeletePa
DeleteForgive and let go
Space go dey for GOD to take control
Poster 1, u can only find through happiness and help and deliverance in Christ Jesus, n join a Bible believing church, study ur Bible hard, as u study u would find yourself changing and liberated, permanently. U can look for any Mountain of Fire church around u and attend deliverance, talk to one of their ministers 1st. The Bible says whom the Son (Jesus) has set free is free indeed, my brother, u free!
DeletePoster 1,
ReplyDeleteIs this your own style of begging??...everyone has his or her own challenges in life biko...
Go out there and hustle biko....
Poster 2,
Face your studies and leave love and men alone...
I love you comments most times, moreover, you should be given award as your comment always came 3rd in every chronicles.
Delete*Larry was here*
Haba,ur comment to poster 1 is a no,be reasonable at times
DeleteKai, u are mean oo. Lol. Your reply to p1 no be here. It crossed my mind but I no fit talk. The Lord is his strength. We only know what he is telling us in the narrative, he might have left out so many details. P2 did you say you are just 21? Abeg calm down and finish school first ... How are you so sure his parent will settle ur fees when you decide to move back? Before we will hear another chronicle of how you left ur dreams for him and blah blah happened. If it is meant to be, it will
DeleteMust you comment! I fear who no fear you. You talk too loosely abeg try upgrade.
DeleteThat was harsh, u weren't adopted so don't judge him.
DeleteI don't cuss out pple but trust me,u really need dis..u are very insensitive..u are supposed to b mature,but I,at 19,know far more than u do..u confirm d statement that says "maturity is not in age"..u are a very bitter human who needs counseling..i wonder how your family copes with a very negative person like u..may God help u deal with ur inner issues and bitterness
DeleteJesus fix it
ReplyDelete********LONG LIVE SDK & SDKERS*********
P1 you talked so much about your past but left out detail about the present? Are you being abusive to your wife and Kids? If anything your past ought to Make you hate any form of Abuse, it's normally for a man to be under pressure and be at his worst when he is financially unstable. Is your wife not working? Start looking for a Job in the meantime you can pick up odd jobs to support yourself and your Family all the Best.
ReplyDeleteP2
Is there a law that prevents one from getting Married and Schooling? I don't understand this your post, it's not like he asked you to give up your dream and marry him.
If you love him so bad, you wouldn't let him go and he wouldn't too, you would look for other options rather than letting go.
I agree with u for poster 2
DeleteNonetheless, theirs is a new/young love that needs to be groomed. Such distance may destroy it all. 4yrs of no sex??? For an established man in this obodo naija? They'll just end up fighting and quarrelling over the phone.
They would have tried anyway, then break up peacefully if the long distance thingy dsnt work well.
Whatever happens, she shouldn't dare give up her school, because it won't be long; love will go sour and she'll have nothing...
Ok I have some issues with ur comment Nuvi abi nvui. Studies have shown dat pple tend to exhibit behavioural patterns of d environment where they where raised. Hence bookish parents tend to have kids with bookish tendencies, abusive man tend to have kids who may later abuse der spouse tooo
DeleteD saying raise ur kids in d right direction so dat wn dey leave d nest dey won't go assray was made for a reason. If u where raised in an angry environment u tend to lean towards anger u will see it as a norm n vice versa if it's a happy n jolly environment
Secondly, u are making dis oga appear like he is just sitting on his black yash sipping Chapman. Asking him to go n get a job? Give him one nah. Haba dis economic situation no reach ur side? Pls if u don't have words of encouragement biko read n don't comment joor.
MP everybody cannot have the same Opinion oh, even if we are presented with a Blank sheet and asked to voice out what we Observed. Okay? Se "all the Best" is an insult? I said even if it's Odd Jobs, kabu kabu anything.
DeleteMy Opinion true. She should go with her conviction.
Poster 1-In all sincerity and fairness, I would say to much a degree, I understand your level of despondency. Life is in phases, there's the sweet and then the bitter. First of', I will like you to surrender all to Jesus and FORGIVE all that hurt you, hence their roles coming to play through you. Until you're totally free, you cannot move on. For as the saying goes "nemo dat quad non habet" you can't give what you don't have. Forgive them and let God give you a new start, thereby showing you a new way to live & love. You would be surprised your bitterness is responsible for turning things left, as your life will always go in the direction of your thoughts. Stop dwelling on what was and start dreaming of what you desire to be; for as the saying goes, "as a man thinks in his heart, so is he". You desire change, start thinking and daydreaming change and you will see that with a fresh start with Jesus,forgiveness and with positive thoughts your life will never be the same. Pls say these words " Dear Lord Jesus, I come to you today for help, pls save me and give me a new start. Thank you for hearing me". Congratulations! Pls contact stella for my details if you please. God's blessings.
DeleteVanny thank you
DeletePoster 1- btrust yourself to be a better father
ReplyDeleteTrust yourself never to be what you ran away from
Be prayerful, be hopeful, think positively,
Everything will work out fine.
It always does, once you believe.
Poster 2- iif he loves you, he go wait for you.
Don't you ever give up your education for anything.
Studying nursing abroad and nursing in Nigeria are on two different ratings.
You are very young, why the hurry?
One step at a time pls!
True love will wait.
Focus!
Poster 1: trust me when I say this, the only thing stopping you from being a great dad is the Fear of failing..... conquer that fear and you will see the light.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: sweetie, you need to take care of yourself now, focus on being what you wanna be and your love if true will definitely come back to you!!!!
Poster 1, Debra has said it.
DeletePoster 2, you want to compare nursing abroad to nursing in 9ja ehn!
Ogbeni you better take your Education serious. Once you're done if he's still available then goodluck, if not you brace yourself fOr that phase
Let me read comments
ReplyDelete1] The lord is your strength!!!
ReplyDelete2] Put it in prayer!! But nne lemme ask oo, no Vex!! Wetin you dey find for faraway Asia nah?? Nawa... I dunno what to tell you.
Do I tell you to leave school and move back home...thereby going against your familys' wishes to be closer to the one you love?
Or do I tell you to leave love for now and face your education... A love you might never have in your life again!! It's a pity you can't have it all, I suggest you guys give it time! If it doesn't work out, then you go your separate ways then!! Maybe you might meet again... You both still single.. Ndoh
Love is just an illusion, just like Stella said, you need this education to support your self later.
DeleteBTW you just lost your little cutie..
Hmmmn
ReplyDeleteI read all. To d last word.
Poster one: it is well with you. The Lord is your strength.
Poster two : it's is wella with you. May the Lord strengthen u too
Bae, permit me to stick with you and your advice(s).
DeleteThanks.
POster 1
ReplyDeleteNigerians are so religious that everybody goes to church, mosque or something. That couple that maltreated you must have been church-goers.
The same applies to all you wicked women that go to church and still maltreat house girls, distant relatives, cooks, maids, gatemen etc simply because the society has made it seem like you are better than them. I like having sex with rude married women sha.... it gives me the pleasure of revenge for the less-privileged.
Dont worry my guy, you will find a job. Just re-connect with friends. Somebody must have something running. But please, dont be mean to your fellow human beings. The only thing you should maltreat is the pussy of a rude woman.
Poster 2
Can you and your boyfriend shift to one corner and digest your craze there. una still dey do love for this 21st century wey na calculation dey reign for relationships.
No love again oh..... everything na calculation... even the most decent women are guilty of this.
Please if there is any blog visitor currently working on the southern swamp associated gas gathering project, please hit me up... i have a juicy proposal for you. Remember, flares would all be forgotten by 2030.... so take advantage of the master plan.
Na wa o, God get power oh, create goats in human form.
DeleteYou need help. You are not normal, please go for counselling.
Delete@white prints this your short comment made me explode with Laughter. Na wa.
DeleteI had to go and read what he said.
Are you sure you are on this planet at all? Maybe in Mars or Jupiter like that guy.
DeleteSmh for you.
Hahahahahahahaha onye ara,chai urs is a clear case of 'many are mad but few are roaming' I wish u speedy recovery
DeletePoster 1/so sorry about your case,God is still seated on the throne.
ReplyDeleteHe has better plans for you.
Poster2/Please face your study abeg......don't let that family use cry cry spoil your mind.
You took the right decision by letting go,if you two are meant to be let him wait for you.
They saw a very brighter future in you,so they want to tie you to their son.
2018 is not far now and you are still young.
Finally if he can't wait let him go....boy are not loyal,forget the cry cry tin...after two weeks he'll get himself another babe and forget you immediately.#Goodluck
Hmmm! I feel your pains poster1, please just make conscious efforts to be a good dad. I pray you get a good job soon. Wish I could help with one. God bless you real soon.
ReplyDeleteI don't think u love him as mch as u do, really when u love sum1 genuinely u see the person as the last person on earth, u cnt imagine being in the arms of another, but you this nurse, uve already pictured urself wit sum1 else..... you both shldv jst kept up the r/shp, then see if u survive the distance and the ocean b/w u two for 4yrs, or u'd naturally drift apart.
ReplyDeleteSo what will happen to her schooling? Hian! I hate Mumu people :|
DeletePoster 1,at 1st wen I started reading I tot you were female but I realised towards d end dat you're a male.the lord is ur strength my broda.I wud suggest you hold onto God even wen it seems he's nowhere rite nau.Poster 2,you're still a very young girl and have ur whole life ahead of you.so I'd suggest you stick to ur school work and 4get abt boys 4 now.you're still a kid and ur whole life shud be centered around getting d right degree 2 stand on ur own.4get abt dat dude and focus.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, he can't wait for u till when you are through with school. That I can beat my chest to say. No matter d love. I don't support distance relationship no matter how much u both claim to love each other.
ReplyDelete@1, am so sorry for what life has put u thru but hey, this is not d time to give up, u survived thru ur worst moment and am sure u are strong enough to handle what ever life brings to u now, dust ursef up and try again ok, the worst mistake u will ever make is to be wicked to ur family,u are not a monster and I pray God to help u get another job, don't quite on God now ok.
ReplyDelete@2, if the guy is ready to marry u now y not relocate to Nigeria, get married an dc continue with ur education, but if he's not ready for marriage abeg remain where u are cos u will find another love.
Hmmm!
ReplyDeletePoster 1, ur case is really serious..
Please, u need Jesus in ur life. Cos through him, ur life will be made whole.
Poster 2! I know its very difficult to stay away from someone u love. But ur education is really important now.
I love da decision u took, I know its very painful but stick to it.. If he's truly urs, he will wait for u.
Besides, da both of u are still young.
Mr money makes you fuck women without stress......which one is''maltreat a rude woman's pussy''
ReplyDeleteAre you okay ???
Anyways you crack me up with your comment.
Hmmmmmmmm. Ofi so simi ni enu otun bu iyo si.
ReplyDeletea.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said..
ReplyDelete.
One: ur own deep die i swear and i gat nothing for yu bcos am not yet a dad..
.
.
Two: pls free that nigga and concentrete on ur education, i knw it aint easy but yu are just 21......
.
.
***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***
Poster 1
ReplyDeleteYou need God, please turn to Christ if you have not done that, he gives happiness even when u feel there is no reason to be happy. You lost your job, things are hard, yes! Accept the situation, get more closer to your wife and family create happiness where there is non, pray, look for something to do it must not be a white collar job. It is well my brother
Poster 2
I don't know if u made the right decision or not , love matter it dey somehow.
But one thing is for sure, if your guy loves u like u do he will wait for you. Your education first, if he can't wait he should go. ......like nelo. .....Once said. ....Angel abounds.
Poster 1, your story is touching. All I can do is just pray for you. May God in his infinite mercy make way for you and perfect your case.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, since your parents are against you coming to Nigeria to continue your education then obey them and face your education which I feel is more important now. Don't worry, you'll be fine.
*singing onyeka oyenu & KSA's # if you love me you go wait for me...
1st post Jesus is the only way pray to him
ReplyDelete2nd post sis man no be firewood how you want am to stay for four years without woman for him life na wa for you o man must achieve 3pts nah
#GODWIN™
Poster1# i pray u get d help u nid. Yeah,to a large extent our childhood defines us but wit good psychotherapy,we can get over its lasting effect. Poster2# ur man is quite young nd so are u,if he cares even a little abt u,he would want the best for u, Naija Nursing is different o,better stay nd finish ur education. Wit al the chronicles am reading here,dnt give up all for love cos u may regret it later. By the time u're done,he would be 30 nd dats not too old to get married.if he can't wait den let him fly,it wasn't meant to be.
ReplyDeleteN2, face your education!!!!
ReplyDelete#2, Don't make the biggest mistake of your life to leave Asia where you are studying to come back to Nigeria to be sponsored by your bf family.
ReplyDeleteWhat arrant nonsense is the bf family talking sef? Don't be deceived and lured with sweet words and lies. Please, you are too young to be talking about marriage believe me!
If he truly loves you, let him wait!!!! Please concentrate on your studies, then get a job, and marry. If not, he and his family will be in control of your life. I don't trust all these petting from them, please investigate well.before you enter one chance.
Please, make hay while the sun still shines ... Best of luck.
Nitty
Nice comment...
DeleteLol my sister I tire. Which yeye mother I'm her right sense will know that her sons gf is 21, studying nursing in a far away land, and be crying because her son is lonely. Are you sure there's nothing wrong with the son like so that's why the folks want a companion for him. Hian hian
DeleteI think the boys mother is crying for her sons predicament. He loves the girl so much and is in pains. The mother can see that and is probably pleading with the girl to come back so her son can be happy . Poster dear, if you are reading this, can you tell us why you can't be married to him, get pregnant and still school? My mother did it when she got married , Dad was in Nigeria and she was studying in the UK. It's difficult but think about it. Theres only one " the love of my life" and you might not find another. How would you feel to hear that he got married to someone else's d she is leaving in your home , having kids you should have had, loving the man you should be spending the rest of your life with. Girl wake up.
Delete21year old girl.. GET YOUR PRIORITIES RIGHT!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteposter 1, I was hoping to see a light at the end of the tunnel in ur write up, but it obviously isn't so....You picked yourself up from the path life dealt you, and educated yourself amidst all the hardship, so believe in yourself and God and he will come through for you. it Is difficult to be happy , and thrive in the midst of lack, but never forget the consequences of your actions and negative effect it will have on your kids....There is hope....Believe....
I hope I don't sound insensitive, I hardly comment but am an ardent reader of the comments here,( d ladies here r something else, some I wld like to meet) but stells wen u write pples narratives and ihn (especially those seeking favours) I jus wonder how some of them write so well giving the fact the picture I paint most times in my mind Is a contrast from what I read, do u by any chance edit these things? And d ones who seek favors, hw do yall get money or whatever to be online? *a beaten up in thoughts male*
ReplyDeleteKelvin dat Edo Boi
My thought exactly. @P1 your written grammar and diction is too polished for someone who stated school late seriously. Too many scammers out there we all have to be careful.
Delete@P2, you are only 21. What is all this talk about love and marriage. Williams Shakespeare said "violent fires soon burn themselves out". Pls give yourself time and live a little. Chao
Polished Gini? He was blowing Big grammar up and down but did you notice the tenses?
DeletePoster one I think u should take ur anger out on God not ur kids pls . God acts quicker when u shout at him ,believe me hears when u shout . Shout o ,take it out on him he will answer u .
ReplyDeleteReally? God acts quicker when you shout at him? O ye little mind. :)
DeleteAt 21 your priorty should be getting established not husband.Face your studies, graduate with good grades and get a proper job. A better man will find you.His parents want you to leave school and they will train you??? Don't be fooled they will not do that. You have the opportunity of having better education, you want to leave it and come to Nigeria because of one man??? Only in Nigeria you will see a young girl that has so much ahead of her want to leave it because of husband.If he really loves you he will encourage you to continue and wait.How about enjoyimg the fact that you are young and explore the world before settling down. 21 is just too young to worry about husband.
ReplyDeleteGbam! Pls face ur studies, d guy is just 26 and can still wait for u, hiaaan where is he rushing to? even at 30 he can still get married. Don't leave ur school ooo for anything ooo. For ur so called to be in-laws when d going gets tough they will be still be d same people that will insult u. U better be wise and stop acting like u are 50yrs&single.
DeletePoster1 please let Jesus take the wheel. Constantly remind yourself that u don't want ur kids to go through what u went through. I want to assure u that God loves u too much to let u down, remember Isaiah 30v18-19, 43v18-19, 49v14-18. Put The Lord in remembrance,remind him of His words. May God give u all the Grace and strength u need to carry on. God bless.
DeletePoster1: your story is deep. The good lord will see you through at a time like this.
ReplyDeletePoster2: why the rush, pls focus on your education. By d way the guy in question is through with his studies and has a balanced career. Please try to let things be and if it is God will toward Ÿ̲̣̣̣̥ø̲̣̣̥u̶̲̥̅̊ surely it will prevail.
Poster 2..you are still very young. Please concentrate on your studies.trust me, its all distractions. I think you took the right decision. Only, continue to pray and seek the face of God concerning it. You will be fine darling!.
ReplyDeletePoster 1..I'll remember you in prayers. Depression is a terrible thing. There is life, there is hope. Keep the faith, keep believing, put in your best. For your business, maybe you need a new perspective.
POSER 1, I feel for you but I don't really understand ur chronicles. PLS don't let ur bad childhood affect ur present. That was ur past. if u keep carrying this about ur only letting your abuser's win. While dere sleepn and snoring, you ur busy worrying and weeping. Smone like Oprah Winfrey talked about what terrible childhoods dey had, google her life story. Her mother didn't even want her,she suffered sexual abuse from an uncle at 14yrs and got pregnant, but the baby died. Dou she had a lot of therapy thru d yrs. When you feel low, do u have a pastor u can talk too ? don't let ur aunty and uncle win, refuse to be the victim.
ReplyDeletePOSTER 2, you better face ur studies and finish ur schooling. 9 0ut of 10, our parents get it right. who is to say dis guy wont dump u when you move to Nigeria. where wld dat leave you. You better becum a certified nurse and earn your money. If he cant wait, dis God create you 2geda abi ur destiny is tied 2geda. Never ever leave ur schooling bcos of a man................FOREVER 16
Poster 2 : Before you get married your loyalty should be with God, family, studies then more studies. When you are ve attained a reasonable height with studies then man can come in :)
ReplyDeleteDear Poster 1,
ReplyDeleteI honestly can't say I know exactly how you feel, cos I don't. What I know is once there's life, there surely is hope. Your case might seem hopeless, you might have tried your best but you're still crumbling. I get that but I also want you to know that there is a GOD, He gets it more, He understands, He loves you, He cares and He]s always there for you. why not try GOD, give it all to Jesus, don't let the devil take advantage of your present situation by turning you into what you dread. Find God today, get saved, lay it all on Him and you'll see a mega turn around in your life and family.
It's well
ReplyDeletePoster 1: I understand u r fustrated bt pls, dont transfer ur frustration to ur kids nd wife. Focus on God and beliv in urself nottin is in possible wen u Beliv! I pray u find peace.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: Recieve sense.... at 21 you want to ruin ur life cos of a MAN. U beta face ur Nursing sch nd become sth in life. Man no be achievement o! Dont be surprised wen u cm back na stories dt touched u go dey hear.
Man/woman no be achievement
DeleteSuccessful Marriage na mercy of GOD
Marriage na responsibility
Hmmmm cried when I read narrative1, it is well my brother, just start a small scale business before a job comes, ppl are waiting for jobs while ignoring business, with 50k u can do something even if na kerosine business , there r lots of business ideas with small capital required, there's dignity in labour, everyday u wake up tell yourself " am a love person" go to church , make friends in church, u might b lucky to meet someone who might help u in church either give u a job or a contract, don't think of your past, u are in d present and know that whatever u are going through has come to pass, it want stay for long..the Lord will see u through no lastly ask for wisdom from God ..
ReplyDeletehmmm na wa o....God help me as i speak as d spirit leads
ReplyDeleteposter 1...this is the fear of the unknown.dose times will definitely playback especially now dat u've got no job yet.....pray 4 strength and insight to become d best dad.
poster 2... sweetie i will advice u to please finish 1st..do not leave asia back to naija in d name of a man...please....he might love you now YES! but dose four years will tell if he loves u enough and dont be surprised he when he finds a replacement.u guys can still work something out since u said he is well to do(like marry u and he'll always visit and vice versa) but i am still saying....let this playout naturally..dont force it...and please DONT LEAVE ASIA NOT UNTIL U'VE ACHIEVED YOUR PURPOSE THERE.
Poster 1: in Naija we face abuse in different ways at work, on the street, at home, so pls stop dwellin on ur past n hustle. Your financial break through is ur key to being a better dad n husband...
ReplyDeletePoster 1; you don't have to give up, keep fighting the fight of faith things will pull through with time. Keep believeing for the best, becos the best will surely come, I know is not easy, but keep doing it, be prayerful and hopeful. Poster 2; Don't tread your education for a man, If he knows your worth and truly loves you as you claim he will wait,your still very young, You just have to stay were you are and finish school first, Funny enough you may not know, YOUR BEST IS YET TO COME, then you will know if your truly in love or not.
ReplyDeletePoster 2...
ReplyDeleteI'd say, there's time for everything, you're pretty young and full of life. No rush in life dear, its not how far but how well.
Take your time to make yourself a better woman, not someone who'll turn out to be completely dependent on her husband or anyone else. Learn, study and then get to stage 2. Life is all in stages, no rush.
Poster 2...
ReplyDeleteI'd say, there's time for everything, you're pretty young and full of life. No rush in life dear, its not how far but how well.
Take your time to make yourself a better woman, not someone who'll turn out to be completely dependent on her husband or anyone else. Learn, study and then get to stage 2. Life is all in stages, no rush.
Poster1. What u need right now is to pray and be focused. Lower ur self esteem, for the main time get a job or any job to support ur family so far it's legal. Don't be tempted into doing what God is against. Nothing last forever not even ur problems, Nigerian economy is bad now and many homes have their own challenges too. It's when u hear other people's story you will know God has been fighting ur own battles for u. Again get jobs not necessarily high income paid jobs but something to support ur family with, and if ur wife is not working I will advice she gets something doing too.
ReplyDeletePoster 2. Seriously#eyes rolling # what are u crying about for, onyeka owenu n King sunny ade don singer am Tey Tey say "if u love me u go wait for me". U did the right thing by letting go, if it meant to be he won't find d right woman until u come back home. Plus those tears wey him family dey tear up na lie o. By d time u marry him and things goes wrong in ur marriage dey won't remember d sacrifice u made for him na dem go first call u witches, and other deeming names. Be focused and independent. Have ur own money men will come then, Mr right show, princess charming go follow wake also. One thing is for sure only you can make ur self happy.
Please stop the Gap thing!
Delete@ Poster 2,
ReplyDeleteCan you defer ur studies for a while ? say 6months/1 Year? and give it a shot
You don't want to regret not trying ...
WRONG ADVICE!
DeleteAbeg poster two just gimme ur boo's no, I am 21 n guess wat I am a graduate, done with service and have a good job, me n still ur guy can build a solid relationship/ future together no time to waste, sinc u wanna be an olodo and no finish school 1st b4 u tink of mkin ds kind of huge sacrifice for a man @ ur age# sigh#
ReplyDeleteIt is ' hiss' not 'sigh'..*clicks tongue*
DeletePoster 1--Brother please go and get counseling, you could lose your family and really be in a bad place. Please seek true counseling, not a Church that will tell your wife to do more, you are in need of change. I am not saying go to any prophet to deliver you, no I mean go for real counseling. There are people who will do it for free. God will help you and give you a new job but you must make sure you are not abusing your wife and kids
ReplyDeletePoster2, go to Christ embassy, they will help u there
DeletePoster2---Little girl listen to me, do not go against your family. You are 21....TWENTY ONE. Will his family allow his little sister make the same decision? If both of you are meant to be, you will be together come 2018...if not God will bring your real and true man. He is frustrated about what? Are you his life? He should occupy himself with work and planning for the future. You better not accept that silly idea of coming home to go to nursing school. Our nursing schools are ok but you have the opportunity to study in a place with better equipment. Why jeopardize your future for a man who might cheat on you and not even marry you. Or marry you and they start making you regret by reminding you that they sponsored you. I repeat you are TWENTY ONE! Make wise decisions and do not let naive love make you sell away your future. Distance can also be a good test for the both of you. If he can be faithful and devoted to you during this time, he will stick with you till the end. Stay in School ok...in Asia!
ReplyDeletePoster 1
ReplyDeleteGod is your streght
Poster 2
Don't ever ever give up you education for love.
You want to come to back to Nigeria where they strike every time? b4 you graduate, only God knows.
Your bf's mother that is crying may be the one to haunt you when you are married.
Face that school and finish it
This love wey dey blind you at 21, I no understand
Love bakwa okwu
Poster1, the lord is your strength make a conscious effort of being a loving father and husband. Poverty can lead to frustration that can turn anyone to a beast.
ReplyDeleteBe prayerfull and proactive
It's well with you.
Poster2 you took the best decision, love will find you
With poster 1 narrative, am broken
ReplyDeleteMay God help both of you
ReplyDeletePoster 1,prayer is d master key!ask God to take that feeling from.This is a period of trial and ibknow u will come out unscathed,do not let ur past define ur future,u have overcome it all.Just stay strong.
ReplyDeletePoster 2,na small pikin love dey worry,leave Asia come naija now,na den u go know say d mama no cry for phone she dey laugh u.Better open ur ear and hear words of wisdom,sit down for Asia face ur book if he can't wait let him move his car go another place,if its his sister will he advise her to do d same?
Olodo Stella. It is when the i's are dotted and not when the 'eyes are dotted'. Thank me later.
ReplyDeleteAbeg oga channel your problem to looking for job outside and contact friends for help.
ReplyDeleteposter 2.. leave man alone and face your schooling. your type of job is needed outside this country especially in Europe.
dont allow emotional love to carry you come nigeria.
Poster 2. Biko face ur book oooo. Men never finish for market oooo. No go do misplaced priority ooo. Leave all dat cry cry. U will probably meet someone better or not but den its life.
ReplyDeleteFirst things first. Empower urself. Lovee is not enof reason to get married. Ok. I wish u d best. Thank God for ur parents. U r only 21 n uave ur lifeahead of u
Sorry to change the subject but Stellakork, thanx so much for touching lives with this blog of urs, met my new God sent BF here at the last M&S can't wait to send u pix incase it leads to marriage but am really happy with my life right now...thnx so much dearie
ReplyDeleteComments reading mood activated...
ReplyDeleteLearning from sensible comments today
poster1: lack of money can make a man madt. pull yourself together. God plan for you will soon unfold. unless the monster man behaviour in you is a hereditary trait in your family then once bitten twice shy.
ReplyDeleteposter2: wont you concentrate on your studies? if they is madtly in love then he should wife you immediately.
Poster 1 is most likely depresses due to not having a job. Hold on - all will be well. Just keep on applying - remember you dont get if you dont ask. Poster 2: u r only 21 and carrying man matter on your head. finish degree first. U want to abandon degree and marry man? Ur eye will clear when you discover that promises are broken easily and once u enter his home without finishing school, u r saying goodbye to education cos most of these men will prefer you stay at home and take care of the kids rather than encouraging you to go to school....
ReplyDeleteIf its a woman that sent this, "the last para will be, the suffering is much after today's food only God knows what'll happen".
ReplyDeleteI have good news for you - NEVER GIVE UP. Trust God and be prayerful. So many vacancies here, you will get a JOB in Jesus name -Amen.
Is your wife not working/doing something, you know when a man pass through such frying pan, he'll definitely end up with a 'helper' as a wife. #justsaying
I suffered too but God fixed everything and I know He'll do it for you.
#2 Love is good, marriage is good but your education is important. Keep n touch with him and always pray. God will do it.
Poster 2--- Bia, R u ok at all? If you were my sister, I would give you a hit slap to reset your brain!!!! You want that boy to spoil your future ahi? At your age, I had finished finish in a Federal University in this country and was waiting for law school...and God has dropped a fantastic opportunity for you at that age and you want to ruin it because of a boy????!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou better give yourself a brain and face your studies....nursing abroad wey people de find you want to drop and comeback based on empty promises? My frien, mind yourself ohhhh
Hi,every1!..iv bin reading posts on dis blog 4 sometime now but i'v only commented as a non at 2wice.i love dis blog
ReplyDeletePoster1...pls,go 4 deliverance!..it seems dat ur past is affecting u.pls go 2 any deliverance church such as mfm,OFM & separate ur self 4rm dose tins (spiritually &physically).
Everybody here shudder know dat one doesn't mid 2 b demonised b4 he/ she goes 4 deliverance.if u exhibit strange characteristics such as:extreme anger,jealousy/envy,prideetc,or in ur family line u notice tins lyk:polygamy,late marriage/no marriage,divorcee/separation/single parenthood,sexual/physical abuse etc,u nid 2 go 4 deliverance as quickly as u can.cos it mite affect u or ur unborn children wen u least xpect it!
poster 2 pls concentrate on your studies and leave love alone for now.bcos of this so called love,i watched the biggest opportunity of schooling in greece pass me by,at the end of the day i landed in IMT ENUGU.the so called guy is nowhere to be found.eventhough i hv found love again but its heartbreaking loosing that opportunity.free love,face ur study,u hv a whole life ahead of u.
ReplyDeleteSome over used any gwegwegwe are saying that a 21 year old girl is too young to be thinking of marriage,hmmm when a reasonable girl Shld be prepared to get married by 24,see mist guys don't like to go for girls older than 25, I met my hubby. @ 19 yrs,so dear poster, now is the time to plan ur marital life,dont allow all this over used and jealous aunty gwegs to discourage u o,u can take some time to come to nigeria n visit ur guy,n sought it out with him
ReplyDeleteU can advice for Africa. Didn't you read the comments of the married ones here. Carry marriage for head like person wey dey hawk gala for traffic. Abeg swerve jarehare.
DeleteLol....when others were going to school you were practicing love. That's why at this grand old age you are still spelling "sort" as "sought". Amazing stuff. In this day and age nobody wants to marry a illiterate and from an economic point of view women always suffer the most when they don't pursue their education. Marriage is no longer what it used to be o. Gone are the days of responsible men who put their families first, now we have over pampered mummies boys who spend the little resources they have on keeping exotic runs girls and partying. So as a female if you don't have an education what you will see ehn you will be amazed. Most of the chronicles we see here are written by women who decided a man was more important that their own empowerment. So please have a seat. Go and better yourself before sitting on your wide ass to judge women who God has blessed in some many other ways.
DeleteMrs married woman, marriage is not an achievement.
DeletePoster1: Turn to God...he will help you be a better husband and father. He will help you get a job, it is same with everywhere, turning to a monster won't solve anything but ruin it all. Find anything doing and don't let the devil use you to pass on a vicious cycle of abuse.
ReplyDeleteposter2: use ya head! The heart can be deceptive as it beats out of control for even the mundane things. Let him understand you need to be happy too. Your education is important, many seek for this opportunity that you wanna throw away and you also need to obey your parents. God will guide you both, we can only say our bit.
@poster1...u need to stay strong and be prayerful...in d meantime,u can find some menial jobs to do...u need to be more loving to ur wife and kids
ReplyDelete@poster2...I won't advise u to leave Asia for Nigeria. Love distance relationshp works...u guyz can make it work...if he loves u enough,he will wait for u...but trust me,no guy is worth killing ur dream for...stop aving dt sense of guilt,d feeling dt u are bn unjust to him...he can live without u
Poster 1, don't lose hope...Rom 8:18,28
ReplyDeleteI never meet the boyfriend wey go make me mummu like Poster 2. Lol
ReplyDeletePoster1.i understand what you going true,May God see you true. Poster2.you sound in love no doubt,Pls finish your school.you are still very young
ReplyDeleteNne sit down and finish ur school, o biko I bet u he will wait for u, but if he doesn't no wahala, a better guy will come looking for u.
ReplyDeleteNne sit down and finish ur school, o biko I bet u he will wait for u, but if he doesn't no wahala, a better guy will come looking for u.
ReplyDeleteNne sit down and finish ur school, o biko I bet u he will wait for u, but if he doesn't no wahala, a better guy will come looking for u.
ReplyDeletePoster1:this is the time to hold on to gods words for he will do what he says he will do just have faith.
ReplyDeletePoster2:you re still very young and your education should be on the top of your list no problem if you wnt to carry other things along but my dear,love will surely find its way,if he is for you he will surely wait for you.
Nne sit down and finish ur school, o biko I bet u he will wait for u, but if he doesn't no wahala, a better guy will come looking for u.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: my dear no bi man suppose to hungry you now , @ 21 your education should be priority , make something out of your life , and just seat your a-- in Malaysia , make your life worth the while .
ReplyDeleteAs for mother in law crying , she can cry me a river Nigeria for all I care , all na lie , when you become wifey na so dem go begin to show you .
But wait ooooo don't you have a single family member , please just concentrate on your studie Biko I beg you , you need to be financially empowered .
Anon 17:34pm, maybe if you focused on school, you would know that it is SORT and not SOUGHT. You that is married and thriving, shift one corner let sensible women who know that a true man appreciates a woman with her own, thrive. Throwing Aunty Gwegs insults only highlights your insecurity. The Aunty Gwegs are more accomplished than you, the one that can't buy pad without her husband giving her money. Biko, sie ba puo. You wonder why your husbands chase the women you call Aunty Gwegs??? They have something to offer other than "husband husband talk"
ReplyDeleteSigned, Married Woman sick of other married women who have nothing going on for themselves other than the Mrs Title.
Thank you. A comment from a very sensible woman.
Delete@poster1. U are not a failure...do not give up
ReplyDelete@poster2. U need ur certificate more than u need that man. if he is meant for u,it will work out.just take it easy and focus on ur studies.u will be fine
All these love at first sight....how will u love someone u don't know.
ReplyDeletePoster 1, I want to comfort you by telling you that you are not alone. You are not the first and unfortunately, you won't be the last to go through such problems. In Nigeria, many biological parents treat their kids the exact way your uncle and his wife treated you.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, most people will usually end up parenting the way they were parented. If you were raised with shouting, scolding and physical abuse, it is very likely, you will use the same method in raising your kids 'cept for the grace of the Almighty God. And when you marry a spouse who was raised in a different way, you could even clash seriously when it comes to disciplining your children.
Please, prayers are good but you need practical intervention(s) to help you deal with that problem. You need a male mentor and counsellor who you can open up to and who can guide you without condemnation. It must not even be a pastor but it should be a family man who is decent and has the fear of God. If you live in Lagos, I would have recommended a couple of them.
You need to go to that person and open up, talk, seek advice and receive counselling.
The next thing I want you to do is to open up to your wife about your vulnerability and disposition to anger because of abuse. I don't know why I feel she probably does not know that side of your past. In doing so, you will not appear weaker (which I think most men fear about) but instead, you will appear human and she will forgive you for your short comings towards her and the children. She will also act as a check when you overstep your boundary.
About your job, it is generally tough in the country and there are many like you going through trying times. I however encourage you to find ANYTHING you can find to do, even if it seems demeaning and apply the biblical principles in Ecclesiastes 9:10 and Colossians 2:23. Work towards anything you find with all your might and as unto the Lord, and God Himself will increase you.
Poster 1, I don't know why but I am of the opinion that your age is not a problem because as far back as when I was in my last year in secondary school and first year in university, I had friends who married in school and are still very much married till date. I however agree the world has changed and so have values.
I will say two things to you, first, do not disobey your parents wishes because as far as you are not 'married' to that young man, your father is responsible and accountable for you. Disobedience your parents could bring dire consequences.
Secondly, don't allow your 'boyfriend's' parents invest in you no matter how sincere their intentions seem. If their son changes his mind about you tomorrow and the relationship goes sour, you will 'subconsciously' remain indebted to them and it might make you not consider other suitors. If they are serious about you, they can approach your parents in a matured way and discussing formalising your relationship with their son now or in the shortest possible time. Thread wisely.
@poster 1 - you are not in control of your life's experiences but you are in control of how you handle them. make a conscious effort not to be a monster to your family. if your wife leaves you in this trying time, it's on you. ppl might call her a fair weather wife, but you and I know that you pushed her away. I just wish my husband could see what I just said to you. any small financial challenge, he starts becoming nasty to be around, imagine if i can't take it any longer, people will call me materialistic, not knowing he made himself difficult to live with because he doesn't like what's going on with his pocket.
ReplyDelete@ poster 2 - you better get that education before you have yourself to blame. what is 4 years for a young couple like you. what if you were studying medicine
@White Prints, your comment made me to really laugh out. But how did your brain produce this type of comment?
ReplyDelete#1: Oh my goodness! Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. No human or animal should be exposed to sure abhorrent and subhuman treatment. You can't have such an awful past and not be broken. The good news is, whatever is broken can be fixed. It may never be as solid as before but if you return it to maker/creator, those broken pieces can be refined and something a whole lot better can be forged from the broken pieces. In your case, the Maker/Creator is God. Only He can make you whole.
ReplyDeleteAs you lay the broken pieces of your life at the Potter's feet, you have to keep working on yourself as well. Prayer is ultimate but you must be proactive as well. If you rest on your laurels waiting for the miracle, you'll end up a highly frustrated religious hypocrite, a fate worse than your past and present situation combined.
I'm happy you're going for counselling because you need both spiritual and psychological counselling long term. Do you realise how special you are? Do you know how many people went through half of what you went through and committed suicide? Some ended up so damaged that they become sadists, as in they actually and truly enjoy hurting people and seeing people hurt. Others were so messed up that they gave up on live itself and didn't bother to strive for a better future. Honey, here you are! Still standing, by the grace of God. You now have a family of your own and an improved lifestyle. Have you ever thought of the fact that losing this job is God's way of promoting you to a higher level? There are always blessings in the storm, just that we spent too much time being angry and complaining, so much so that we mistake the stepping stone for the stumbling block.
Success and watching you achieve what was once impossible to you only masked the emotional trauma. So as you lost your job, your painful past started surfacing. The broken man inside started reenacting the scenes from your painful past. Perceived failure brings out worst in people. Regardless of your upbringing, losing your job and having failed business can make the sweetest person extremely aggressive and violent. Dear sir, you've always been a fighter! You can't stop now, you have to fight your "demons" because you can't afford to put your kids through the horrors you when through. They brought you joy, please my dear, don't cause them pain. This too shall pass. Hang in there, you may just be a week from your breakthrough.
#e-bearhugs.
Long time no epistle of advice, my learned friend
Delete