Saturday In House Gists.

Harmattan dey blow through these gists....LMAO!

GIST ONE

OLOFOFO CAUGHT RED HANDED

Hello Stella d Stella, abeg make I knack una gist.

For our compound (or Yard, as my DH people go call am), we get different character ooooo, I go dey give the gist of all the families one by one. Una sabi how Lagos Landlord dey build for every available space na, so tenants plenty small. 

Today gist na about Olofofos FA and PB 

Brief Introduction of the actors of today……

FA, na “matured” married mother of  children, her hubby dey quiet, but she like olofofo and body sabi peper her over the washing and cleaning of the gutter, lol. 

PB, na “mother” of 2. Rumor has it that she was never married (na FA tell me ooo), that she raised her late sister 2 kids, from when they were little. PB na woman friend to “Pastor” of a popular church and they co habit, he comes and goes.

Mama E, na Christian, good character, widow and mother 3

 To the Main Gist ….

Mama E, being the newest tenant, never know FA and PB, (Compound Olofofos) come open up to them, say, she be see another additional work, (i.e. she go dey do two jobs), but because 2 of her children are still below 10 years, (the age na my rating ooo), she no go fit, even though she need the extra cash, she still wants to spend time with the kids.

After some days, the Compound Olofofos, begin discuss am for compound when people don go work, say the woman na lazy woman, instead of her to take up the second job,  dem no know say 2 of Mama E youngest children dey inside the house. Kasala don burst. When Mama E come, the children tell am sharp sharp. She sef go confront them. FA hubby and PB “Pastor” man friend begin rake for them respectively , dem no fit even talk, you know when you are caught red handed in gossip and the person you are talking about walks in after hearing everything, you can’t even deny, e go be like make ground swallow you. As I dey type this, I remember one incident when one of my aunty find herself, amebo no good oooo, story for anoda day….

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GIST TWO

BY FORCE DELIVERANCE.

Okay so, back in my undergraduate, I had a weird classmate, we call her Sister Kemi cos she's one of the oldest in our class. Coincidentally‎, that year, she was given a room just beside mine. So anytime she needed a note to copy, which was often, she would come for mine and that made us a little close.

So to cut the long story short, she had always been inviting me to her church

 ( which she called a CAC church) and I had often declined cos I had my own church but she kept on pressing so I decided to go this time. This particular one was a night vigil and we left campus around 8pm and by 8:30, we were there. The church was located on the outskirts of town.

When we got there, I saw people wearing white garment, I was like 

'Ah sister Kemi, I thought you said it was a CAC church'. She was like 'no, that its‎ actually a CAC church but that the background of the founder was a white garment church and so on. 

I just had a blank stare and was pissed off cos it was obvious the explanation didn't hold water. I wasn't used to a white garment church so I didn't know what to expect. I felt like the odd one out cos I had long braids and my head wasn't covered with a cap and all that .

The service was to begin at 11. And some people were seeing the pastor before service starts. Suddenly sister Kemi came to meet ‎me 

'Pastor is calling you, Pastor is calling you'

I was like 'why?'

I stood up ‎and followed her. He sat me down and sister kemi sat beside me.

He said 'Sister, the Spirit told me when I saw you‎ sitting there that you're supposed to be in England counting dollars'

I was still reflecting on that absurd statement cos at the last time I checked, dollar wasn't the currency. I kept quiet sha

He continued ' you are not meant to be in Nigeria. Also the spirit said you are meant to be among us here in a white robe. The spirit also said you have a marine spirit troubling you . The spirit told me that that's why you are always dreaming of water'.

At that point I cut in 'Excuse me sir, I've never in my entire life dreamt of water before'

 Sister Kemi stepped on my feet when I said that‎. I didn't answer.

Suddenly the pastor stood up. HE was like 'where is the spiritual broom' while I was still wondering what was happening, I felt two boys hold me and suddenly the pastor whipping me with broom. Whipped my head, whipped my body, my arms. I just started shouting 'leave me ooooo, yeeh they want to kill me ooo'. I was so angry.

 After the Broom whipping episode  that lasted almost two minutes, she (sister kemi) now came to meet me and said 'ogo folorun, my sister, we bless God for your deliverance '. I looked at her and I said 'Sister kemi, only God will judge you' (there were tears in my eyes) and I went to sit down. 

I didn't even answer her for the rest of the night, as in I was so angry.

I just sat in a corner through out the vigil and immediately it was 5am and bright enough, I left the place.

I promised never to follow anyone to a church I didn't know.

julianahogunseiju@yahoo.com

 

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GIST THREE

IN HOUSE AMEBO GOT SERVED.

Hello Stella dear, 

You know when they say kids are very observant, I was very observant and the parrot/CNN of the house‎. The in house info I had was top notch. 

Whenever my mom needed gist about my aunts and uncle's who lived with us, all she had to do was buy me something nice, ask me questions, and my mouth opens as the gist streams out.

One night Momsi did the deed, and I started talking.

''Mommy, aunty chi's friend came to the house and she gave me money to go buy 2 drinks when we still had drinks in the house, and when I returned they refused to open the door, when they finally opened the door her friend left without drinking the drink and she told me to drink one and put the other in the fridge. She said I shouldn't tell you, that was why I didn't tell you''.

''Also, that uncle that lives in block 2 is always buying something for aunty ify and i, and he has so many aunties that visits him''

Mom: how did you know

Me: each time I pass by his house I see him with different aunties.

Mom: how about uncle chuks does he have any aunty that comes to look for him?

(by this time uncle chuks and the rest had panic written all over their faces, but innocent parrot me kept talking)

Me: mommy you remember that day uncle took me to go buy ice cream?

Mom: yes (with a mischievous smile on her face)

Me: errr uncle later took me to one aunty's house they put film for me and said I should be watching whilst they go inside to talk, her house is not far from that place where daddy dropped one‎ aunty that came to visit him at the office that day I followed him to the office.

(Gbam! Everyone exploded into laughter except my mom)

After that day they all became very careful and extra coded whenever I was around because they knew I ‎was recording news.

However, years later something similar happened to me that got me and Momsi laughing.

One day my boyfriend came to visit me and he parked outside our gate, he saw my younger sister who was 6yrs then and told her to call me, but she shouldn't let our parents know o.

I was in the kitchen with Momsi preparing dinner.

Emma: sister, you know that uncle that comes to visit you? 

Me: who? 

Emma: come let me whisper to your ears because he said mommy and daddy shouldn't hear.

Mom: what did he say you should tell her?

Emma: that he is outside, and I shouldn't let you or daddy know.

(me and my mom's eyes jammed and started laughing)

Mom: you got served too.

talk2dezzy@gmail.com

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GIST NUMBER FOUR 

INCOMPLETE GIST

This gist happen when i still dey school sha ..

So for exam me no dey wan carry last as me dey train myself and my younger sister i no dey get too much time to read much na so i go dey carry my ok shoes and bag dey waka everywhere to sell make we see food chop oh . Na so exam reach oh for hall me dey like remove my shoe and earing or anything

that will make noise for my body put inside my bag cos me no dey stay

one place ...

 Na so i go dey jump from chair to chair cos i no get enough

money to pay any lectura, so as they share paper finish and for my mind

i dey happy say the invigilator na the guy way they Toast me, so for my

mind i say today exam go sweet oh 

We begin dey write as invigilator dey look away me dey change seat cos i sabi all the guys way Know book well well for class na so i go dey write ,if i finish for one person

i go just change for another person na so i dey do so tee  the man

come dey ask wether i be ghost say he go turn see me for another seat

turn again see me for.....

The sender of this gist didn't finish it or it didn't come through.....please resend oh cos i like the gist and i want to see how it ends.

Last week's winner has been paid the 5k and I urge the poster to come in the comment section and indicate that she has been paid.