Sunday In House Gists.

Sunday gists is a continuation of Saturday in house gists....click HERE to read Saturday in house gists.One winner must emerge from both posts.

OMG I cant deal,i don laugh taya!

GIST SEVEN

THE ESCALATOR FALL ON A DATE.

This incident happened two weeks ago at shoprite Enugu.I have been talking with a guy I met on single and mingles ,we then decided to meet up at shoprite.He liked what he saw,we had a good laugh and we decided to pick ice cream to go see a movie.I have never used the escalator before,though am always scared of using it.

I was insisting on using the staircase,while he insisted on the escalator .I had no option but to obey him.I was busy watching other people using it just to know how I will do mine.I can't remember what happened it seems I missed a step,all of a sudden I saw my self rolling down the escalator shouting 

Jesus! Jesus!Help me! Help me o! Na fall I dey fall o!  

The ice cream poured on my hair and on my face.I was almost blind I couldn't see any thing.When I got to the last step,all I could see was people's legs walking,with the ice cream almost covering my eyes.I felt humilated,I was murmuring by myself.The so called guy that insisted I should use the escalator didn't care to help me Rather he left me there and was laughing.Just a few people came to help me out ,to clean me up and lift me up too.Though my slippers and hand bag went a different direction.I was looking like a mad person,I couldn't lift up my face in shame..

Henry I dey great you with 42 languages.You try well well allowing me to pass through that shame.I know you had a good laugh.Thank God I didn't break my ankle or my waist..

nonsonwosu04@gmail.com

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GIST EIGHT

ONE HUNDRED AND ONETY ONE

Hmmm.....my people I greet una, I was just lying on my bed na e I remember something wey happen when I dey younger.

 E been get one boy for my compound called Joseph wey be the definition of the word "dull", the boy olodo tie wrapper and wear beads join!.

 Na everyday joseph parents dey beat am like cele drum over the boy unusual dullness. On one certain day like that joseph mama carry am sidon for outside say make joseph write 1 - 150, this na person wey dey primary 4 by then at 13years o, the boy don repeat classes sotey dem dey give e parents discount on e school fees.

 The boy don dey write dey go, meanwhile I dey play close by. The next thing wey I hear na "gbbbboooossssaaaahhh!" I first think say person fire one of all those expensive fire crackers wey fit shake house. Turns out say na heavy slap wey mama joseph use western union deliver give poor joe. All compound run come out, "ah! Mama joe! Wetin happen na!".

 The woman begin use vex dey explain, turns out say joseph don write from 1 - 150, e mother come say make e read wetin e write, when e reach "111" e call am "one hundred and onety-one" na e make e mother give am the banger slap!

 People wey been dey tell joseph sorry before forget the "sorry" begin laugh like mad people.

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GIST NINE

NZOGBU ENYIMBA ENYI!

Back in the days when I was in school, we just finished our exams and I decided to travel home to Lagos. On the faithful day, I took a bus to Asaba where I would get a bus going to Lagos. When I got to the park, I purchased my ticket then we all went through the regular procedure of loading of our bags and security search. Afterwards, we all boarded the vehicle, a pastor prayed and then we left for Lagos.

As we approached Benin, I ate one of my snack and kept the other snack which I intended eating when we got to Ore. Suddenly, I noticed there was this group of people sitting behind me that were acting weird. They were two men and a lady. What drew my attention at first was that the lady was humming a christian song, soon she started singing a war song. Her voice seemed to be eclipsing the voice of 2face's song playing from the sound system of the bus. The younger guy was telling the lady to shut up but this made her increase her voice and also change her song to various war songs. One of the songs was "nzogbu nzogbu, enyimba enyi ". The older man of the two men, was pleading with both of them to be calm. 

At this point, all the passenger's attention in the bus was drawn to the drama unfolding. From singing she started insulting the two men, that was when we discovered that the older man was her dad and the younger one her younger brother. She said her brother is an Idiot, a Jobless fool who thinks he can control her while her dad is a dog, as well as a foolish old man and that he is cheating on her mom. 

Her exact words were "daddy, mma gwa mummy Ihe ina eme ya. Etua ka isi a la mama nkiru bi na street anyi!" (Daddy, I would tell mummy what you are doing to her, that's how you keep sleeping with mama nkiru in our street).

I was shocked beyond my bone marrow, and still trying to understand why she was announcing all these to the entire passengers. Next was that the brother gave her a thunderous slap and told her to shut up. The gist about the dad was getting to him. Passengers told him to let her be. Then she said she wasn't going to any church oh, that there is nothing wrong with her and that they should leave her alone. She said they were taking her to Syna***** and it ain't by force to go there. At this point, everyone now understood that we entered a bus with a mad woman being transported to a church in lagos by her dad and younger bro without our knowledge.

As soon as we got to Ore, the driver entered a fast food joint. All the passengers were asked to alight from the bus so that every one could get refreshment, use the rest room or stretch their body as it pleases each person. Na so the mad chick jump down from the bus apply Usain bolt. Lol I really pity for her dad and bro. Them chase her tire. Finally, her bro was able to apprehend her.

After about fifteen minutes, we all boarded the bus and continued our journey. I had to increase the volume of the music on my ear piece through out the rest of the journey to Lagos so I could have peace of mind. Crazy folks everywhere.

Na the end of my tory be that.

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GIST TEN

CHUKULI

I know most of us go fit relate to dis story wella, I hail Nigerian students with their chukuli AKA bullet  AKA bomb AKA expo, depending on the school wey you go and wetin una dey call am for there. Those days for my school na im I know say one full text book fit turn to a page wen photocopied for chukuli sake. Few years back, during my final year exams we had this particular course we were writing and you know how invigilation during final year exams can be very tight, but it still doesn’t deter students from bringing in their chukuli.

 Ten minutes into the exam, na im we hear one of the female lecturer shout from where she dey, fear begin catch people wey hold chukuli say who she don catch like dis, people wey hold begin arrange themselves well for hall. So as she say Hey You! Everybody turn back, na so she waka go meet the culprit na this conversation ensue between them:

Lecturer: What are you doing?

Student: (Stammering) Nothing ma.

  By then our ear don long to know wetin dey happen. My fellow bvs wetin we see eh no be for Africa oh. Lo and behold this babe write chukuli for leg, wen I mean leg I no mean say she write am for paper put for leg oh, I mean say she use biro copy note tiny tiny for her leg. For everybody mind we say dis babe own don done today

Lecturer: What do you mean by nothing? What are you doing?

She replied nothing dey form innocence, then the lecturer rephrased her question 

Lecturer: What is on your lap?

You know that feeling when they catch you red handed and you are confused and ways to bail yourself out is not forthcoming. The next thing wey we hear from this girl mouth be say ITS NOT FOR ME MA na so everybody burst laff for exam hall because we come dey wonder which ghost write am put for her leg and if no be her leg who con get the leg? The funny thing be say na that statement be her saving grace cos the lecturer no give her malpractice form as she too laugh forget.

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GIST ELEVEN

GRANDMA AND TITUS

I hail all bvs,Stella I greet you. One of my dad's cousin called my dad and he said my grand mother is sick.So my dad now gave me money he said I should travel to the village and take her to hospital for treatment, she is in her late 80's,and weather is somehow especially for old people.

So I travelled on thursday ,so on Friday morning we went to hospital.After the blood test the doctor said she has typhoid fever and the doctor gave her drugs and we went home.
When we got home, I asked her to rest,while I prepare lunch.I was in the kitchen preparing the lunch, I didn't know that my granny was in the other compound making trouble. 

I was hearing shout so I came out of the kitchen,I say make I go do small amebo,immediately I reach the compound na my granny seize one bros when he name na Titus,I was surprised, she was supposed to be sleeping,na so she dey shout dey cry,Titus kill me,doctor said that Titus you are  worrying me,my grand daughter was there when the doctor said it,as I reach there shame wan kill me.

 Titus was trying to defend himself my granny no agree,she dey cry,they shout,Titus have I ever offended,since you want to kill me,kill now,stop killing slowly. Shame wan kill me, I no fit laugh.

I got there,I just held her hands, I told her to come with me,she now said I am telling her to leave Titus, that was it not in my present when the doctor said that Titus is worrying her?I said yes,but is not this Titus, that the Titus that is worrying her,the surname is fever,but the surname of this Titus is Igwe,she now said OK and followed me.
Since that afternoon, I just dey imagine how Titus and typhoid take sound alike for her ears, old age na wah.

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GIST TWELVE

GROWING UP WAS FUN

Bv's una doh ooo

 Growing up in the 90's was fun especially amongst male siblings. My brothers gave my mum 'funny headache',yes o I said 'funny headache' because 2 me some of their acts were so funny way back. Na so d film take start make una watch o.

 Act one: one beautiful night na so all of us take sleep o. I and my sister slept on the bed,the type supported  with four wooden legs. My two brothers slept on another mattress on the floor..my dear brother's and sisters could you believe we all woke up the next morning and one of the brothers that slept on the mattress got missing o..na so confusion come dey for house,my mum, sister and brother begin find the boy everywhere o we no see...na so we dey d room wey we sleep dey deliberate on how 2 go about another search in the house na him we hear person dey knock head under bed(the boy no know where him dey)na so d guy come dey shout Jesus!Jesus!(D boy sleep sotey him roll go under bed,we no know)....na so my sister stretch hand begin draw am comot from under bed. Na laff na him we take end the search o

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Act two: another headache wey one of my brother give mumsy no be here o. On this faithful day,my mother was preparing lunch and she needed vegetables and dry fish to cook the food,cos my father would not eat such food without vegetable. It became an urgent need to my mother,na so she send this my brother to go buy the things cos the market is not so far from our house,Bv's could you believe this boy go buy the things finish come go where dem dey play video game register himself there o...not minding say mum was waiting for him at home. Na so 12pm,1pm,2'0'clock nack finish we no see dis boy,immediately we all went out 2 look for d boy na so we sight am where him dey sweat dey play video game...na so my elder sister give am hot knock for head. As if that wasn't enough o...we ask am for the items wey dem send am 2 go buy...(make una look o.. it was so dramatic) him comot vegetable from one pocket,comot the fish from d other pocket na so all the pple wey

 they there tear laff o. It was so annoying cos I was very hungry and funny at same time.....

Na my original story be this from bv maya

Thanks to Moneymaker for sending in the money for last weeks winner and the winner that will emerge from Yesterday and today.Last weeks winner has not been paid becos her account is having problems,by next week,i will offer the money to the winner since she no need am..LMAO!