STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
GETTING LE BOO TO STEP OUTSIDE HIS COMFORT ZONE
Good day Stella,
Nwanyi na eri ukwu anu (lol). Nne may God continue to bless the works of your hands. I'm a huge fan. Ich liebe dich!
Please, I'd like some candid advice from you and your BVs about something I'm currently going through.
Nwanyi na eri ukwu anu (lol). Nne may God continue to bless the works of your hands. I'm a huge fan. Ich liebe dich!
Please, I'd like some candid advice from you and your BVs about something I'm currently going through.
I'm in my mid twenties, been dating my boyfriend for close to a year. We're both done with school; me with my Masters, him with his PhD.
My issue is that since graduation, he has not been able to get anything tangible to do, and is the "let's see how things go," "don't worry, things will be fine eventually," rather passive type and currently lives with a distant relative and their family.
My issue is that since graduation, he has not been able to get anything tangible to do, and is the "let's see how things go," "don't worry, things will be fine eventually," rather passive type and currently lives with a distant relative and their family.
This worries me because I'm looking forward to settling down soon, and genuinely see us together, as he has so many amazing qualities, and has really been a blessing to me.
I've connected him to all sorts of resources and people, and a number of times he has acted "one kind" until the opportunity fades away.
How do I encourage him, or maybe get him to sit up? He's very intelligent, and will do great, if he adapts the correct Naija hustling mentality. I know God will surely do it for him, but I need my guy to step outside his comfort zone. Please advise me/us. Thanks, God bless!
Love,
Daisy
You can force a horse to the stream but you cannot force it to drink water.
If he cannot see that he needs to sit up,why are you so bothered for him?
If you are the one always in front and you marry him,you must remain at that position or else it will fall apart....
I am sorry but a man should know how to lace his shoes by himself..imagine that he doesnt even take your prompting---haba!
Shine your eyes well,sometimes common sense is what keeps a marriage together in the end.
Let your Igbo sisters assist you.
ReplyDeleteLOL let me be a tribalist today.
Meaning what na?!
DeleteGbayi!
DeleteDoppelganger you are so funny.... lol
DeleteI hate lazy men. Poster plz dnt even trt n marry him unless u wana be d bread winner. Some guys dnt ve shame atall.
DeleteMtcheeeww
Delete
DeletePARENTAL ADVISORY
^^^Adult Content^^^
Don't mind her, speaking Igbo like it an Igbo blog...
Boring narrative. Wetin be dis?
ReplyDeleteVery boring. The thing tire me
DeleteSo boring, hen
DeleteI follow you ask my dear.
DeleteMy dear, there is no perfect situation or individual.
DeleteThank God,you haven't said he is lazy. I think all he needs is a little push to conquer his fears and take the bull by the horn.
From your narrative, I deduced he studied abroad probably that is why he is finding it tough to fit into the system.
If he is a good man that has all the qualities you desire, encourage him, motivate him and then push him to be a goal getter.
Don't give up on him so easily.
You can both sit down and send his cv to organisations etc
All the best.
PHD holder with an ego is all I see.
DeleteOK bye
Sisi Eko thanks for this comment. Okpokpo certificate nshi
DeleteYou need to put on your marathon shoes.
ReplyDeleteAny little bump, marathon shoes.....
DeleteAt his level of education, he will likely hate to start from small in his career. The only job he will love now is a Lecturing job, but that doesn't come easily in Nigeria now without serious connect.
DeleteTell him to go and learn a good handiwork or start from any small job with his BSc Cert.
For u, u need to be a little patient so u won't regret breaking up with him in the near future.
Next
ReplyDeleteProbably powers of his father's house.
ReplyDeleteHe needs prayers more than anything else right now. Kilode?
#WhiteDiamondOut
On point dear. People do not know that there are forces that are determined to stop you unless you stop them with prayer.
DeletePray for him
ReplyDeleteMake him ur side dish...before soap enter ur eye.
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't have a stable job and he his doing his PhD DAT nice,poster u have to kip encouraging him to do sumtin.
ReplyDeleteYou can force a horse to the river, but you can't force it to drink, something must be giving him hope..... Its kinda like walking on a wire with a safety net beneath, without the net being there you'd watch ur every step more caefully.
ReplyDelete"I AM THE SIN AND BUS OF THIS BLOG" will soon go; dump him because he is not rich. Very narrow minded and perverse fellow hiding under the cloak of false church umbrella.
ReplyDeletePoster; Stella has told it the way it is; you should accept this man the way he is or take a walk.
Bloody attention seeker!
DeleteHow can someone " anonymous" seek attention? Truth is bitter.
DeleteSounds like a lazy dude.
ReplyDeleteJust talk to him & let him know how the laziness is affecting you.
Not generally lazy per sa, he seems to enjoy reading.
Delete"I AM THE SIN AND BUS OF THIS BLOG" will soon go; dump him because he is not rich. Very narrow minded and perverse fellow hiding under the cloak of false church umbrella.
ReplyDeletePoster; Stella has told it the way it is; you should accept this man the way he is or take a walk.
Where is Quickie? I miss reading her brutal, sarcastic and straight to the point funny comments, babes bia bikonu
ReplyDeleteHype ursef some more!
Deletei miss her too.
DeleteSame here.
DeleteTalk to him about your fear towards his attitude in getting start in life and your fear for the future.
ReplyDeleteTalk to him about your fear towards his attitude in getting start in life and your fear for the future.
ReplyDeleteWat can I say? Stella is right.
ReplyDeleteIt's well with u poster.
ReplyDeleteOne don't even know if it is end time chronicles
Confess that you are One Trillion and you shall be redeemed
DeleteHahahhahahaha Trinity o
DeleteAbeg leave Natt alone.
Are u really really really sure this is xxxTrinityxxx
DeleteLaughing in swahili.....
Tht will b end time confession /redemption.
Chronicle
ReplyDeletei know his type, trust me.... This one lives in PH, he has his PhD also yet no job for more 3yrs now, he cnt even boast of 10k in his account, beggy beggy up and down, and he's very quick to tell u he's a PhD holder.... He keeps saying God will make a way, God cannot abandon him... Bla bla bla, very religious guy at 36, yet no hurstling spirit, but he likes better thg eh and admires fine gals, yet to money or charisma to pursue any.
ReplyDeleteLol... Seems you've been thr
DeleteLol. All they know how to do is to read the entire books in the universe quoting the names of the authors if need be. I dislike a lazy man, they always act as if they know the answer to every question but cant solve their own problem.
DeleteToday's chronicles came late...Stella maka why?...
ReplyDeletePoster,don't tell me this guy is the only man in your life...
Don't put all your eggs in one basket!you girls will never hear...
How long will you continue to wait and help someone that does not want to help himself??...
Abeg give other men a chance...
The girl get time. She should stay there and b doing the girl is good. Trying to push him. Soon the guy will wake up, get himself a life and exchange her for someone else. Abeg I've learnt not to stress myself too much over any guy these days. Plus poster biko for your own good find another guy who will be ur plan B.
DeleteHahaha, one anon up there just predicted this your comment, I ll give him 80% he tried.
DeleteI understand your plight but babe since you've been pushing and making efforts for him to stand up for himself as a man and he isn't having none of that, I'll advice you step back a little and let him fight for his life.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you're doing all these so he can be settled on time and then come for your hand in marriage, I get you but you just need to step backward a little, pray from your corner for him to meet with opportunities on his own and let God have His way. Do like say the marriage thing no dey too bother you sef and don't close your doors to other suitors. Yes, don't cos sometimes the thought of him losing a good woman to someone else might challenge him to sit up.
This is an advice but the final decision rests with you. All the best.
Well said Cynthia
DeleteGbam!
DeleteWell said....
10000likes@urcomment..
DeleteBest advice so far..!!
Very good advice. Poster pls read this!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAdhere to stella's advice poster.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm
ReplyDeleteNa only u waka cum
Are you sure he is a graduate with certificate not a school drop out. Investigate well oh
ReplyDeleteSo cos he might not be a graduate that should be the reason he's the way he is? Lazy is the word sef. Do you need a certificate to make you an ambitious and hard working person?! I think not
DeleteBabe na wa 4 u o o don't u know that before u go 4 any post graduate course u must provide your BSC or HND. Certificate + NYSC join, even if na PGD talkless of MSC or PhD
DeleteAbi oo,so after all the PhD na under bed e dey.haaaa,his village people are frying akara on his head
DeleteLazy le boo
ReplyDeleteFine another hard working and comfortable guy B4 u become the bread winner ooh
I no dey 4 wait till 2moro or e go better.
Dear Poster: you can't change him, If he can't hustle then I'm sorry all that intelligence is nothing..It's left for you to decide if you can continue being the man in the relationship
ReplyDeleteStella's advice is so on poibt
ReplyDeleteMy husband was like that. When he started seeing bills, no one told him to buckle up. Especially after we had a fight and i told him how i felt about him not being responsible. Now he works too much to make sure all bills are paid plus excess sef.
ReplyDeleteHe never see bill abeg. How does he pay rent or nepa bill now?
D guy s jst lazy...bera say No to a lazy man.
ReplyDeleteHe stays with distant relatives and behaves like that? He must have lived a sheltered life
ReplyDeleteAll I smell is desperation, mind ur business, tomorrow now wen u finally force him to marry you u bring another chronicle.
ReplyDeleteYes,shine ur eyes well,because you can't manage with such "it will be well" kind of person in marriage
ReplyDeleteYou are right on track Stella. Poster shine your eyes.
ReplyDelete25. This is why I tell you not to be worried about the food and drink you need in order to stay alive, or about clothes for your body. After all, isn't life worth more than food? And isn't the body worth more than clothes?
ReplyDelete26. Look at the birds: they do not sow seeds, gather a harvest and put it in barns; yet your Father in heaven takes care of them! Aren't you worth much more than birds?
27. Can any of you live a bit longer by worrying about it?
28. And why worry about clothes? Look how the wild flowers grow: they do not work or make clothes for themselves.
29. But I tell you that not even King Solomon with all his wealth had clothes as beautiful as one of these flowers.
30. It is God who clothes the wild grass — grass that is here today and gone tomorrow, burnt up in the oven. Won't he be all the more sure to clothe you? How little faith you have!
31.So do not start worrying: ‘Where will my food come from? or my drink? or my clothes?’
Matthew 16
Poster take ur worry to God . That is all .
Ever seen school very holders becoming multi millionaires? Ever seen PHD holders waiting for The sun to shine? Well, I have. And you know why it happens that way? Because life isn't about your qualifications or education. But about the spirit you carry on the inside. That's what can push or slow you down. No be by PHD oh! Yes the future is bright but you will be very patient while waiting for it.
ReplyDeleteHowever, there are always exceptions. You might be able to manage him that way, and God will shine on you both. He may become motivated post marriage. If you can, this is the time to ask God questions. So you don't jump from frying pan to fire. Your boo isn't lazy he just lacks motivation.
He's book smart but not street smart. People before you want to gather all the degrees in this world try getting a job first. You can do you degree while working and you have experience so a better chance at getting a higher job. After obtaining all the degrees and no experience noone might want to employ you, avoid the you are over qualified statements.
ReplyDeleteU jus said my mind
Deletechoi,, poster you be orente nor dey complain ooo abi?? na hunger kill you dia!! say no to broke ass niggas
ReplyDelete*Singing Bruno Mars Song,Lazy*
ReplyDeleteToday I don't feel Like doing anything.I just wanna lay in my bed.don't feel like picking up my phone so leave a message at d tone.cause today I swear I am not doing anything....
I'm just gonna kick my feet up.then stare at d fan.turn d TV on,throw my hand in my pants.Nobody's gonna tell me I can't.....
I'l be lounging in the couch just chilling in my snuggie.click to MTV So they can teach me how 2 dougie cause in my castle i'm the freaking Man...
Tomorrow I wil wake up,do some P9OX.meet a really nice girl....
Let me stop here before d poster wil think I am singing about her boifriend.
@ Daisy Love,pls I just felt like singing this song.purely coincidence.Good luck nne!
Lol
DeleteIkwubero ihe n'eme gi taa.
#WhiteDiamondOut
lol....you just summed it up.
Delete*pure coincidence.
DeleteOyibo.
Was Once In Ur Shoes, Wen I Cldnt Cope I Told Him To Come Take Is Ring Dat M Moving On, Bcus Of D Love He Have 4 Me, He Sat Up And U Need To See D Way He Started Hustling, Like A Mad Cow, Ramming Into Every Oppurtunity, We Are Doing Fine Now, Also Invite God
ReplyDeleteLike Stella said unless you are ready to be the one pushing him in marriage better assess things. Too many people suffering in marriage cause they over looked huge qualities. A man who isn't ambitious will frustrate you and you might end up feeding him.
ReplyDeleteWhat type of boring chronicle is this biko? Where are all the sweet sweet chronicles?
ReplyDeleteEveryone is complaining about the chronicle,its boring, it's this and that, write your own lets advise you na,it appears some of you enjoy reading about broken or about to homes. Biko manage this or send yours.
DeletePoster that guy is a lazy man, better borrow legs now before you send another chronicle
You cannot change a human being more so a man...if u can't stand his attitude now, move on....trust me have been married 10 years now so can tell u that what u can't take now don't bother....u are not the Holy Spirit so can't change anyone. Moreso do u know how long it will take for him to change? Receive sense and wisdom
ReplyDeleteHe's not lazy. He's not used to hustling. He needs to be pushed wella
ReplyDeleteYou just contradicted yourself. He's not used to hustling. He needs to be pushed. What does that mean??? He's lazy!! Nobody needs to be pushed to work hard. Only lazy people
DeleteDaisy Girl anam ayo gi shine your eyes, I advice you look for a job for yourself and move on bikowanu. Hapu Love
ReplyDeleteHope you are not the minister and your boyfriend the sss shoe shiner. Push him otherwise na heavy donkey you go marry. No be only book e go de read cos those ones are not so stressful to him. A real man combines book and hustle.
ReplyDeleteYou better pick race before its too late.im seeing him as a visionless man.im talking from experience. I'm married to a man who doesn't leave his comfort zone.doesnt go extra miles to sort his family.always contented with d lil we av.my sister pick race I tell u nd get a hardworking man.im into it already nd it's so difficult to come out of ds marriage.
ReplyDeleteThis chronicle is exactly like mine.. thank God someone else sent it in because have been planning to send it to stella for a while now.
ReplyDeleteMy guy is 35yrs and am 27yrs.. we are both graduates. He lives with his very rich uncle. He works in his uncle's school and earn just little. He has refused to go out and start hustling like a man( can't blame him cos his uncle feed him so I believe he doesn't know what's happening in this part of the world)
Am tired and fed up though he's a good man and he will make a good husband
He said we should plan our introduction this year( but I told him am not ready)
I don't know maybe he wants to be living with his uncle forever
Have advised him severally but it seems he won't change
Am fed up and am already planning to free him
I wish to meet a good man soon
At 27 , you should be nursing your third child..
DeleteDon't worry, what will be will be, but as u are in a hurry to settle dwn just try and still encourage him, if no progress in like 6mnts babe take a hike.
ReplyDeleteBabe... Talk true, you are just in love with dude cos of his PhD. Take away his academic qualifications, and I bet your love for him won't be half as much. Evidently, it's his parents that bankrolled him to that level. At this level, believe me, he ain't gonna break a sweat about hustling. He's gonna live the easy life. So either you Continue to be the 'man' in front, or you simply back out. No come here to write another chronicle say your hubby na lazy man make we advice you o
ReplyDeleteHe may not have the hustling spirit or the street smartness, but he's not lazy. I say so because no lazy man can push and acquire a PhD.
ReplyDeleteMy dear poster, My candid advice will be firstly talk up things with him, let him know you believe in him, but he has to reinvent himself (and yes a PhD is no longer enough in Nigeria) he must step out, and do the hustle. Let him know your dreams of a future with him can't be achieved with him doing nothing. Let him know you are not giving up on him as long as he's ready to fight and succeed. Secondly show him tough love, (become a mermaid) and tell him the hard truth, give him a deadline if possible, that except he starts doing something, you can't wait for him beyond that deadline. Thirdly pray for him, prayer answers all. Fourtly, you can introduce him to peeps who can help him achieve, or share ideas with him, I'm sure you have some beautiful ideas in you. If all these fails, then I'm sorry, you just have to move on. But don't move on without giving it your best shot. I hope this helps.
Well said dear
DeletePlease how do I tell this nice guy asking me out that his personal hygiene is poor and gross.. He has been wearing one shirt and trouser since the past one year and of course it's stinking and dirty..doesn't clean his house only sweeps it.. I don't even think he uses Rollon or antiperspirant.. I can't get myself to kiss him, I really can't.. Please fam tell me what to do, should I ignore all these and focus on his good sides?
ReplyDeleteEwwww!...
DeleteHow can you attract such a man?...check your self wella!...
No don't. Try and buy an extra shirt and trouser for him. Also get a medicated bathing soap and body spray
DeleteChei dating a pig is a big sin.this is one thing I just can't deal with. You try ooo.1 yr U must really love him. Talk to him about it please don't die in silence.
DeleteWhy are you being desperate? @ focus on his good sides...akiko
DeleteBuy him a deodorant, euthymol toothpaste and tell him how you feel about his personal hygiene SUBTLY. don't dent his self esteem. I can't say buy him clothes if he's stingy or jobless o coz I'm not encouraging another chronicles and all these purchases should be from your pocket money but you can tell him it's time to change or wash his shirt or subtly suggest what you'd like him to wear on certain dates.
DeleteMy man wasn't so put together when I met him but now I'm so challenged I have to keep up. How the tables turned.
No just waste yourself and time with some one who don't wanna be resourceful. Being there
ReplyDeleteMy sister, man with hustling spirit and without money can be managed but a man without hustling spirit is a no..no..no. Run for ya life, but before you do ask the Holy Spirit for direction
ReplyDeleteI think na. Ajebo dey worry your. Boo n he's holding on to his PhD cert, I doesn't want to go below that
ReplyDeletePardon me to say, Your man is Lazy!!!
ReplyDeleteEnd time chronicle
ReplyDeleteEnd time chronicle
ReplyDeleteDifferent strokes for different folks, I'm complaining about my Fiancé being a workaholic, you are complaining about yours who is not ready to work. God dey o. Maybe u should sit him down and ask him what are his plans for the next two years and what kind of job does he want to do? Heaven helps those who help themselves o! All the best
ReplyDeleteHustlers tend not to bother studying till PhD level. The guy is not a hustler. He needs a quiet, steady job where he can do research or teach. In short, he doesn't belong in Naija. Perhaps u can suggest emigrating to Canada to him.
ReplyDeleteGbam! He needs to apply for lecturing jobs.
DeleteGv yourself between a period and see if he'll step up and take his responsibility as a man, if he doesn't change between this time, you can leave him already since he's not ready.
ReplyDeleteHe thinks the certificates will stay indoors and fetch him money.
He's just the way he is because he's getting free stuff from his relations, postal if you're close to this relations tell them to evict him because at his age and level of qualifications he shouldn't be lazing around, and see how things work out from there. But pls don't try to mother him not all men are mamas boy material.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, don't leave this man. Like you described, he will turn out great. So, just continue to do what you are doing.
ReplyDeleteI am a guy - so I can relate to your man in a lot of ways. I have the same kind of qualification that he has. The difference is that I have a very good job. But it wasn't that easy in the beginning.
To be honest with you, our Naija is not a normal environment. Your man, having gone through a PhD has learnt and have adapted to being logical, analytical and doing things methodically. The sad truth is that, our Naija is not that straightforward and so your man is probably finding it difficult to adjust to the crooked ways of doing things.
My advice will be if he can probably pick up a position in a University for the time being and possibly with the NUC. There was a programme with the NUC in 2013/14 where PhD graduates were attached to universities while the NUC was paying their salaries. I don't know if it still exists.
Like I said, keep trying for him. When God will open a door for him, it will be like he's done juju....lol..All the best to you and your man.
Thanks! That's encouraging:). I'm the poster :)
DeleteThis might be coming late but i will still say my piece and hope that you'll get to see it and safe yourself heart ache later.
ReplyDeleteThe long and short of this epistle is that YOU SHOULD RUN AS FAR AND AS FAST AS YOUR LEGS CAN CARRY YOU. I was in the same situation, i cajoled, threatened to quit cried and wailed and bobo got a job to do through me. as soon as we got married guy resigned and continued with his laid back attitude.....till date its been 8 years i'm still paying ALL THE BILLS and he doesn't see it as a big deal.
if you don't mind being the man of the house please go ahead if not PLS RUNNNNNN!!!!!!!
Thanks so much everyone for the advice; even those who said the gist was dry lol.
ReplyDeleteMy guy isn't lazy, he's just not used to the hustle mentality that we have. He was born and raised in the US, and had things done a certain way as an only child.
I work, and have actually hooked him up with a side gig (private tutoring for science and math), but the main thing is what we're waiting for. God will definitely do it.
I appreciate you all, and Frau Stella darling, God bless you!
Love,
Daisy Doe