NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
PRODIGAL FATHER
Happy new year Stella and fellow Bvs.... I'll like to get everyone's advice on an important issue.
I've always had a single mom with no father in the picture even though I bear his name and I've seen him just twice in my life.
Some days ago, my mom asked what I would do in this situation, that a friend's grown up kids are being claimed by their real father after bearing another man's name for over 20 years, I just said the decision lies with the kids.
Now, today on new years day she's telling me the scenario she asked me about is actually about me. My real father just got to know about my existence and now wants me back. I was very shocked and didn't even know what to say.
It's not like I ever had a father figure and my mom has been struggling to take care of me. She hasn't even told me details but its obvious she was double dating both the man that's claiming me now and the man I'm bearing his name.
Do I accept to see the man and take him as my father?
Like you said the decision lies with you but you need to ask that your mother tells you the full story so that you will know the kind of situation you are walking into!
Good luck.
.............................................................................................................
NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
MARRAIAGE DECISIONS- HOW DO YOU KNOW THE RIGHT ONE?
Dearest Stella and the entire Sdk family, Happy new year to you all.Please I have this issue that is eating me up,it's a bit long and I need serious advice. I'm at crossroads and I don't know where to turn. I'm 25 and my boyfriend is in his mid thirties.we've been together for almost three years now.
Firstly I want to highlight my man's good sides- he's very open with me(as in I know how much he's worth till the last kobo,although he's still a hustler and doesnt have much but he hides nothing from me), he's faithful(I can pick his calls , check his messages,his phone doesn't have a password around me and I know men like dat are very hard to come by), thirdly his mum is very nice and she doesn't seem like the type that will give me any issues in future..
My man seems to really love me because he wants us to be together all the time, it's even me that sometimes get tired of his company and crave some fresh air.He is not a very romantic and thotful person though but he is okay..
Now to my issues with him- As our relationship progressed, I discovered he has a short temper. As in sometimes when he gets angry, he will just become so unreasonable and it usually takes a third party to come settle issues between us. Although he has never laid hands on me, he has broken and slammed things and objects in anger when we get into heated arguments.He usually blames that on me, that I know he has a bit of a temper and I should always keep quiet when I see he's getting upset but I challenge him always.
Secondly the issue of finances, he's not a graduate( he left school way back,half way to hustle and fend for himself) and he hasn't returned to school since then. I am a graduate and I had to lie to my mum that he's a graduate as well because I know that my mum might disapprove. I planned that I will encourage him to go back to school with time but I have realized that might not be visible because he's almost thirty five and plans to make money is all he keeps talking about. Lastly, we have other little incompatibilities that drives me crazy at times e.g he's a big talker, he likes to talk and be the center of attention anywhere we go..you know all this kind of people that will enter one place and everybody will know he is around. Sometimes I just want my man to be reserved and mysterious but with him, no way!
We are basically from different backgrounds and that side of our relationship shows sometimes, he's also quite controlling but I thot it's because of the age difference,infact my social life has changed since I've been with him (i dont see or hang out with my friends as much as I used to)..He's talking marriage now and he talks about all the great plans he has and how his family can never suffer but right now, he doesn't have a steady source of income although he does some small side bizness here and dere that brings money and sometimes he will be broke and I will understand...But it's not constant, it's more random..I know in life, money can just come at anytime, like he can hammer at anytime
( that's his mentality anyways but not me, am still worried).
Am really confused because I love him, we have amazing physical chemistry that I've not really had with anyone else and the fact that he's not a cheat but I don't know what and what is most important when it comes to marriage.He is this "happy go lucky", don't stress about tomorrow,tomorrow will take care of itself type of person but me, am more of a "fail to plan, plan to fail type of person. I know he's only being optimistic but hmmm, I just don't know. His good sides and bad sides are causing serious conflict in my heart ...marriage is a life time contract and I have always had serious cold feet about marriage because my parents had a bad one( courtesy of my dad) and it didn't only affect my mum negatively, it shaped the lifes of we, the kids as well..i want better for my own kids. Although my man and I are close and I love him very much but I don't want my heart to mislead me. I don't know if this is right for me . Please what do I look out for? Can this man be a good choice ? All my sisters and brothers in the house, advice me please ..Thank you very much and God bless
Hmmmm,I am sleepy right now,will be back to give you my two cents advice
Lemme relax and read comments from bvs…
ReplyDeleteJoblesshousewife
It's well ooo. End time chronicles.
DeletePoster 2- a woman in the right situation won't ask such questions my dear. Follow your instincts and don't look back.
DeleteOh! And lieing to ur mother..... Babe! That was wrong. Very wrong. bad sign
DeletePoster 1. You said you've only seen ur dad twice, then u later said he just got to know u exist? Who did he think u were during the times he saw u? I'm a bit confused. Anyway the answer lies with ur mom. She has a lot of explaining to do to better guide ur decision.
DeletePoster 2, ur mum has a life time if experience. Open up to her and ask her what she thinks! If u go to church, talk to ur pastor as well.
DeleteP1 fix it Jesus
ReplyDeleteP2 just negodu
I think I like Jasmine
DeleteWhy is Nigeria afflicted with silly women.
DeletePoster 2: I have no advice for you , bcos ur written seem to be senseless to me..
DeleteHer written eekwa daa? this your written kwanu?
DeleteWritten? Oo chi ha oo!
Deletehey
ReplyDeleteN.1: Pls stay where you are, how can you go to the man you dont know? Tomorrow now you will send another chronicle that your father is having sex wirh you.
DeleteGinika!! That's extreme nah?? Ahn ahn.... Pls don't be judgemental.
DeleteGinika you are totally stupid, uncouth and judgemental.......very stupid comment...how old are u sef? Idiot
DeleteJesus take the wheel
ReplyDeleteNarrative 2: you stole this chronicle off my mind. This is my present situation. Exactly all u said. Its like u r even talking about my guy. So similar. I was gonna send in ma chronicles, but u said it all. Thanks.
DeletePoster 2-prayer is d key
DeletePoster 2-prayer is d key
DeletePoster 2-prayer is d key
DeleteHmmmmm.
ReplyDeleteMtcheeeeeeeeeew
ReplyDeletePoster 2, you complain too much. Bla bla bla all over the place. What's the problem? If you don't want him, please swerve and create space for someone who is willing to cherish what you don't.
ReplyDeleteNa so so talk talk you just dey talk.
Park wel, aunty!
Don't mind her she sounds like a nag.she can complain
DeleteLeave the guy make I hear word. Immature girl
Lmaoo. The guy seems like a nice person sef. With all the attributes she narrated he's a saint amongst the ones flying about these days. You can't get a perfect person anywhere o, if his good sides are more than the not so good, you'll have to compromise. And besides, what she narrated here as issues are nothing major. He can always get a full time job that'll give him regular income. So what's the problem here?
DeleteSisi eko now I really know you just talk too much without substance.....you call the issues minor? They are obviously not compatible and the only thing going is the sex....a man who gets angry easily, breaks things and blame you will hit you when you marry....go find another boyfriend.....not all relationships must end in marriage...he is a good man but u guys are not compatible
DeleteSisi eko now I really know you just talk too much without substance.....you call the issues minor? They are obviously not compatible and the only thing going is the sex....a man who gets angry easily, breaks things and blame you will hit you when you marry....go find another boyfriend.....not all relationships must end in marriage...he is a good man but u guys are not compatible
DeleteSingle motherhood... putting their children in trouble since 19kiridim! Poster 1 pls try and reconcile with ur biological father so u won't be an omo ale!
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha. Please stop it! Ogini?
DeleteIt's not always the person who produce the sperm that's the father ...
DeleteIt's the person who was there through thick and thin simple as that ...
Poster, I was in same situations as yours .... I choose the man I knew all my life ..simple as that ...
Enough of all this Nigerian sentiments...
I Dey sure say u be one
DeletePoster 1: Get to meet ur father but no, he doesn't deserve any mumu second chance.Y? The man who's name u r bearing is the one who raised u, fathering a child isn't just abt bringing them to the world.Afterall ur biological father could be a mad man on d streets will u be bothered giving him a second chance?
ReplyDeletePoster 2: it seems like the incompatibilities btw u two are more than the compatibilities.
Please be aware that marriage is more than what we see today, the joys laughter irritations etc are more when we are married.ur spouse can bring out the best or worst in u.Therefore my dear, if what u can tolerate from him is over 70 percent then fine.If not my dear 25 is a long way to be miserable. U both cannot reason alike therefore, don't dare change him meet him halfway.If he changes today in the name of love then know there is future trouble cos he will only be him when d time comes.Goodluck.
POSTER 2:
ReplyDeleteIT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO LOOK INTO THE ANUS without finding feces there! Use your tongue to count your teeth . . . and . . . and close your legs before feces enter there.
Choi, C parable....
DeletePoster 1: see him, YES! Accept him as ur father, UR DECISION.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: ur write up really shows u r confused. You are both here and there at the same time, are u TWICE?
Nyways, prayer is the key dear.
Lol @are u twice??
DeleteChronicles
ReplyDeleteEnd time Chronicles
ReplyDeleteMake I just dey read comments because something happening is just above my small brain.
ReplyDeleteSomeone that didn't know you exist is coming back to claim you...
ReplyDeletePoster 1,if I were you,I won't see him!..he should go to hell!...
Where were him when your mum was struggling to raise you up?...he want to reap where he did not sow...
Story!...
Poster 2,
At 35,your man has not made money...my dear don't marry this nigga!...
The worst thing that would happen to someone is getting married to a man that has no constant income...
My dear you go hear nwii!...
Forget love oh!...love alone don't keep a marriage...
Shine your eyes make you no enter one chance!...
I wonder for all dese overly emotional lots oo!dats why some pple don't like to adopt and train any step child.tomorrow dey will wake up and start talking my biological father dis dat!pls wats d definition of a father in d first place? A sperm donor isn't qualified to be called a father. @poster1 one use ur tongue to count ur teeth.
DeleteWhere was him u mean...where were him kor
DeleteWhere were him? #endtime gbagaun
DeleteSeriously, love is not enough in marriage. Love with your brain and eyes open
DeleteWhere was HE*
Delete@fuck you, *where was he?* You're welcome.
Deletewhere we're him? Like seriously who commented this comment, the Queen were it you?
DeleteWhere was him? He he he he Stella these your Bvs na wa, even English master wey correct still fail am.
Delete@ queen of the blog, pls do not let your myopic mind becloud your sense of comprehension. Read again before you comment on poster two chronicles. The biological father did not know of his existence before now. The mother has a lot of questions to answer to.
DeleteLOL!!!Even the teachers dey gbagaun.Lol
DeleteAhahah @Fuckyou..u even made the matter worse with ur correction. Lmaoo.
DeleteIlliterate fools....read before commenting...the father just knew of her existence......her mother needs to tell her what happened...why is the father just knowing? They won't read and comprehend but idiots like Linda will vomit rubbish with her stupid English....
DeletePoster 1 you said the decision lies with the child and you were right. You also made mention of the fact that he wasn't aware if your existence until recently which shows that your mum didn't play a fair game. Who knows,she might have passed you off as her present husband's. I'd advise you drill your mum and get the full story and then give your real dad a fair hearing .
ReplyDeleteA fair hearing yes....so what happens to the man poster knew all his life ? Smh
DeleteThat was why I said a fair hearing.. The overall decision lies with the child. The woman is the one at fault here going by what this fellow said. It is very possible she never told his dad about this person and passed the child off as another man's,you get? The mum denied this child's father a role in the child's life for so many years by keepin from him the knowledge of the child. I don't blame either men but the mum.
DeletePerfect and rational sense; spot on ivory 01; your head is there
DeletePoster 2,do you want you and your kids to suffer,men with temper are very dangerous.
ReplyDeleteSomeone who smash something when he is angry will smash you if he don't see want to smash.
Marriage is a long time commitment,think hard b/4 rushing into it,you are just 25yrs old, take your time to study him well so you won't regret it the end.
Poster 1,to err is human and to forgive is divine.
You need brighter grammar my dear
DeleteLol @simi
DeleteI wish both of u good luck in as u decide on what to do.
ReplyDeleteShort tempered???
ReplyDeleteI cant deal
Poster 1, take back your father. Stop being an illegitimate child.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, Since you love him. Marry him. If I say make you leave him, will l give you a horseband?
Which father ?? Smh
DeletePoster one, ur mother sef! D man u r answering his name, does he know u ain't his daughter? Cos it seems ur mom waka..duhh
ReplyDeletePster two u get wahala o! If u know u can't handle him now, shift abeg.
U wan off Stella blog with dis ur English...ahh ahh
DeleteHahahahahahahaa fuck u sideways!
DeletePhysical chemistry will not feed,clothe,settle the kids bills,only a steady income would! @poster 2.. Your man must not be rich but should have a steady income/ job. A man without a steady job has no business getting married or raising a family. On the other hand,the incompatibilities are too much! Can you live with them without bringing a chronicle to us later? If you can,fine! If not,please bounce!
ReplyDeleteIvory 01 you are wise. Poster 1 follow his advice. Love or physical chemistry does not sustain marriage. If he is not educated, does he have any vocation to fetch him money? If not....keep walking!
DeleteHelp me oh! Hian!
DeleteWhen you get married, you'll say I was blind but now I can see. Lol
ReplyDeleteLmao
DeletePoster 1... give your prodigal father time for you to digest the news your mum will tell you in details.
ReplyDeletePoster 2... i hope your man is not ahort man devil. short people can throw tantrum like kilode. secondly, he is intimidated by you. Half school, half money, half everything for him.
You are quick to point out his good qualities. what good qualities when he throws tantrum like a little baby. ABEG dont disturb my peace jare.
@poster 1
ReplyDeleteYour mum should tell you the whole truth and when you finally meet your biological father,tell him to explain to you why he was abscent and why he suddenly wants to know you now.How will your other "dad"take this?
@poster 2
There is no perfect man out there.Every man has his flaws if only you can cope!
If you are not sure of this guy,pls break up with him now before its too late.
But seriously guys. Can't y'all read? Poster 1 said his dad just found out about his existence? So, he wasn't absent from his life by choice.
DeleteAbeg, English is not that difficult.
P1 ur story is incomplete P2 if u know he is not someone I can spend ur life with,let him go,if u think u can cope then stay,just don't send in anoda chronicle after marriage.
ReplyDeletePoster one na wa for your mom. Why would she not tell you about your real dad? Did you ask her the reason why she hid it from you??
ReplyDeletePoster two a man is throwing and slamming things while angry and you're asking us questions??? Marry him and he will be throwing and slamming you soon enough. And imagine he blames you for the whole thing afterwards??? Be prepared oh...
Perfect men don't exist around this planet!
ReplyDeletePoster 2: lying to your mom about his Bsc status is going to hunt you so badly in future... If you are not proud to introduce him as you know him... Keep quiet let him introduce himself and explain his issh... And don't think you can force a man to go back to school when he has no willingness/readiness.
ReplyDeleteOK.... Will be back later, lemme reboot... Lol
ReplyDeleteI just hope this person isn't my kid sister Chichi.. Hmmmm.. I'll call you in a bit.
ReplyDeletePoster 1: He just found out you exist, if I were you I would be enthusiastic about meeting him.
ReplyDeletePoster 2:
You cannot have it all, There is none perfect out there. About his temper, if all it takes is to give him space or not talk back when he's livid,you should do that. A calm approach prevents many wrath.
Education.... I have a bachelor and masters degree but my fiancé dropped out of school in his 2nd year. He's an entrepreneur today, an IT savvy and makes way more money than I. And guess what, I didn't lie to my folks about his educational background, I am proud of him like that.
However, the onus to marry him or not lies solely on you.
Poster....Lara k"s fiance has a steady income o..
DeleteYours according to what's up there doesn't.
Marriage ain't a child's pls.
Negodu
ReplyDeleteEnd time chronicles....
ReplyDelete45th comment 2016
Poster 2, kiddies academy is where you should be for now. Pele.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 so you are seeing all these signs and you are still seeking for advise?
ReplyDeleteYou wear the shoes u should know where it iteches goodluck.
Poster1,the choice is yours.
ReplyDeletePoster2,hmmm,no body is perfect.measure his good and bad sides don't condemn him or give up on him.concerning his lousy nature try to talk to him about it becos i don't like lousy men as well.another thing u ask ur sef is do you have peace with him?last pray about the relationship.
Poster 1...Papa na papa o. Listen to both parents and make your decision.
ReplyDeletePoster 2...your narrative sha, e dey cause small headache. What exactly do you want?
Poster 1: that goes to show that no be today nyash start to dey for back (no disrespect to your mum) but ref to the single mothers post and people claiming it's the in thing, na big lie, the world has been filled with betrayal, fornications, adultery, babymama etc since 190BC. Just talk to your mum and understand it clearly and make a decision.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: I am not yet married but my 2 cent will be that you should get advise from married people and also pray for your man. Compromise is key in marriage, you can't have it all but by God's grace you can cope with anything that comes and still be happy and content. Optimism with visual hardwork and street smart is a good attribute of your man, keep supporting him but am sure married people will advise you better. Goodluck...
Did u omit the "t" in British or u want us to pronounce it the way you wrote it?
DeleteLmao
DeleteP1- Too bad you are in a situation like, but whatever happens do not break the heart of a woman that have been there for you. Give him the respect any child should give a father but stick to your mum men and don't forget to make her happy.
ReplyDeleteP2- From what you wrote, his positive side outweighs the negative. They said if wanna be rich think like rich people do, most guys who aim big backed with hard work ends big. LOVE conquers all you know and i can see you love him. So, i advise you give love a chance. Its important you encourage him to finish up his education via part time program. Don't listen to the CRAZY ladies here that will tell you he's a broke ass nigga oooo, so you do not cry in latin by the time you lose him and guy man ends up mega.
Poster 1. Dat man is stil ur father bcos his blood stil flows in u no mata wat he has done bt mak sure ur mum disclose wat happen between she nd ur dad.
ReplyDeletePoster 2. In dis life, we all av d gud nd bad side bcos we ar nt perfect bt I wil wan u to evaluate d both sides to knw whic side is mor. Telling ur ppl dat he is a graduate whereas he is nt is nt d best, ur ppl ar suppose to knw who u ar goin to spend d rest of ur life wit nd for d financial aspect of it is dat, if d proceed dat is coming fr small biz can cater for u both, den is ok. Knw dat somtym in life......... doors open during marriage nd also no one is PERFECT. Gudluck
Poster 2 pls go wt him
ReplyDeletePoster 1 follow Stella's advice
Poster 2: what were your objectives when growing up?....if you really had goals..then making a decision won't be hard..u using your hands to lay a bad foundation by lying to your mum he is a graduate.when the trouble comescomes hope you are gonna be ready for it?
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm! N2, if d bad side is more than d good side, then walk. Only u knows ur most priority in life. So arrange them in a scale of preference, n choose d most desirable. Then make ur choice from dia. N1, don't no, but study d new alleged father n know if it's d kind of man u want as a father b4 making d decision. Look closely and carefully.
ReplyDelete@poster two,the ball is still in your court..but remember that what you didnt/cant change before marriage has no guarantee to be changed after Marriage..
ReplyDeleteBased on what you wrote above,your man has this life concept of "The End justifies the means" while you on the other hand happen to be a dream-chaser with the concept "The means justifies the end".. so technically;you both are two different people that "might" not end up to be compatible(Even with all the good qualities you stated above that your man has)..
And this now gives you just two options;which is LOVE and TOLERANCE..
Since you love him,Can you tolerate all that you stated above if virtually you tie the knot with him?? Irrespective of him changing positively or not? (short temper,running mouth in public,not a graduate etc etc)
I believe That question above gives you the answer you seek if you can answer it sincerely..
Note this,Marriage shouldnt be a gamble..if it wouldnt give you the peace,love,joy and companionship which it should come with;then it isnt worth running into..
What you need to know is this,You can never change any human being who isnt willing to accept it no matter how hard you try..
Know your aspiration/Dreams in life;then follow them..unless precisely you are willing to settle for less...
#Good-Luck and Trade wisely..
@MARTINS ABOY
@martins, that's good word right there "if it wouldn't give you the peace, love, joy.... ."
DeletePlease take a walk. He will still lay his hands on you when he is broke.
ReplyDeleteAssuming his business is stead would have asked you to ignore his illiteracy but with no steady income, Hell No.
Forget good side o, good side no go put money for your table neither will it cloth your kids.
In short, since you arent proud of him, please take a walk
P1 try n see him to know if he really is your dad.
ReplyDeleteP2 u love him,he is short temper,he throws things not on u abi...OK when he later marries u he will throw those things @ u and beat the broad daylight out of u plz be wise in decision making.As the saying goes "look b4 u leap"
"Packaged breast n walks away"
Abeg. I dey church and some cruffy looking abokis are sitted at my back speaking their language!
ReplyDeleteWat sshould I do oooo!
Poster1: ask for details b4 accepting him back! If he is to be accepted! Abeg make he settle una well ooo finacially
Poster 2: wat u can't take wen he is poor my dear don't boda ooo ooo!
Broke guys get issues
Did you get out safe?
DeletePoster 1: it's ur decision like u said. Meet this man first and get to know him.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: hmmm, very hard one. No comment
Poster 1: Go with your own advice, find out more and make the decision yourself
ReplyDeletePoster 2: I hope you know the bad side may never change? So imagine if someoene else was in this situation, how would you advice her? Apply same to yourself
Poster 2
ReplyDeleteYou don't have issues
You are forcing your self self to have issues
Go and rest please
Your post is nonsense
You feel like writing
Get busy
This is for Poster 2. He has some good sides. however, the bad sides will one day overshadow the good sides and leave you sad, frustrated and totally unhappy. My advice is you take a break for him and focus on other things. Time apart will help you see things from another dimension. When taking this time off, be very critical and analytical when thinking about him and the whole relationship, not negating to weigh the pros and cons thoroughly. Above all, keep praying all through this period. you will be fine. As I said earlier, take a break from him.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is a life time contract and has to be carefully considered before making a final decision. Things like finance, compatibility, level of reasoning are vital key areas which can create real problems in marriage so they have to be well addressed before venturing into marriage. Even ur difference in educational qualifications may seem irrelevant and harmless nw bt may pose a problem later. Maybe u shud make a list of what you like and dislike about him and be true to yourself which ever one is more could cue u in on what decision to take. This is my own two cents
ReplyDeleteReading comments mode activated
ReplyDeletePoster 2
ReplyDeleteNot every rich man went to school
Some people are destined to lead even without formal education. If he's making little money I suggest he gathers it and do one serious business..
Owners of most companies started small scale until they became multinationals..
Secondly, my mom will say 2 people are not suppose to be mad the same time.. When one person is mad, allow the person to finish venting and after the person must have calmed down, present your case again and state how the person offended you.. Wanting to challenge someone who is already boiling is trouble on its own..
My mom would also say not every quarrel should have 2 participant. Pick your battles wisely . And make sure it's one that you would win even in the court of law...
This tips would help you and take you far. Then if you are hot tempered learn to count down to 10 as a lady before talking or put water in your mouth to stop you from talking
Patience, tolerance, understanding, compromise comes first in marriage before love..
It's not every relationship that you up and leave. Some can be handled wisely.. It's normal for those who are hot tempered to throw things around. But with time, with understanding from the other partner It stops.
Heeeyyyy. How are ya?
DeleteI answered your question on that child terrorist(ISIS) post.
Wish there was a like button to click. I lurrrrv your comment. Wow @ counting to 10,I should try it wen next I'm angry coz sometimes body too dey pepper me.
DeleteP1, ask yuur mother questions, ask. Is itvthatbthe man denied you or your mum didn't acknowledge it to him that you were his. P2, my sister how can we choose your husband for you when you are as confused as we are with your chronicle. Please sit down and have a quiet moment of your decision
ReplyDeletePoster 1
ReplyDeleteGive your biological father a chance
You said he didn't know of your existence
Meaning your mom didn't tell him about you
So why should you make him suffer for what he didn't know??
Meanwhile the person you beat his name has seen you only twice.. Go and talk with your father, accept him and give him a chance..
If he knew about you and stayed away that would have been different but he didn't know
Poster 1 : They said do not refuse a call. It's only what's in a call you can refuse. Your biological dad wasn't aware of your existence because he wasn't told. So for that reason you should give him a chance . It's better to try and fail than not try at all. After all its not like the man you thought was your dad has really been in your life. It also doesn't necessarily mean that you have to change to your biological dad's name either if you do not want to . Have a open mind and give him a chance. You both deserve that.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: No one is perfect. At times unlike poles attract each other. If you don't like lousy men I am wondering how you ended up dating one? He is who he is and you can't change that. It's either you try to accept him as he is or you let him go. Otherwise you will turn into a nag after marriage.
Poster 1. Encourage your Mom to open up. If she told the main Man and he denied the pregnancy, you should stay far away from him. He wants to reap where he never sowed. Your Mom must have met this other Man about the same period and moved on with him. Please, let her tell you what actually took place. Maybe dude got married, didn't have a child and suddenly remembered your Mom and now wants to walk his way back.
ReplyDeletePoster 2. Stay far away from that Man. My Sster was in your shoes thirteen years ago. We kept praying and thinking he would change but he never did. My Sister is climbing out of the deep pit she walked into. Someone else will come your way. Good luck!!
p1:forgiveness is d key.God forgives us when we fall shut of his glory p2:The guy should worth it, someone who has Plans ND should be ready to work towards it.
ReplyDeletep1:forgiveness is d key.God forgives us when we fall shut of his glory p2:The guy should worth it, someone who has Plans ND should be ready to work towards it. #weldone sdk#
ReplyDeletePoster 1,Get your mom to tell you the whole story,meet your father and get to know him
ReplyDeletePoster2,the sole decision to be with him lies with you, so think deeply. God lead you
1-Get every fact from your mum and take your decision. A good thing to meet a father, I guess the phobia of how and when is disturbing you. Pray about it. Your case is not difft from others. A girl I know met her father last year and it was like a dream to her but she never changed her name.
ReplyDelete2- Someone I know married a guy that isn't a graduate and no steady income but today the guy has a house,car the kids are in good sch but his wife isn't working.
I do not like that word 'confuse', try setting your priorities before marriage. Your guy seems good, you see, God brought you into his life to help him control that anger, we can't have it all and no one is perfect either. Its how you make your marriage that you'll term it as perfect.
Pray to God to bless him and help him control that temper. HOPE YOU ARE WORKING OR DOING SOMETHING so as to balance things if not, babes go look for WORK ASAP. All the best.
Person wey no dey cheat u wan leave'am.
Nb. Ask yourself what you want in marriage and pray to God help you achieve it.
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ReplyDeletePoster 2,
ReplyDeletePlease listen to me. I don't ever comment here, but I am compelled to advice you. I was about shutting down from work and heading home . But here goes my advice to you.
Do not marry him . End the relationship now. reasons as follows.
1. You are of a different class. With his incomplete education and all. He already has a complex ...trust me . that's why he brags and does big big talk in public..Thats a way of boasting his ego.
2. When you marry someone from the same background as you your conflicts are reduced . please stay clear.Youre from a different class already.
3. An inconsistent income is not good for a home. Pls give it time and select a good husband. you're still young.
4. The bad temper is not good at all. It is a home wrecker. The signs are there already with him smashing things. That's totally unacceptable. Please run away.
Tell me thank you when you have left this guy. I wish someone had advised me properly during my selection of a husband else I should not have married the man am currently married to. I am 40 yrs and frustrated and regretting the day I said I do. I am also contemplating sending a chronicle myself . because I have been debating to myself whether to keep managing this hell hole of an arrangement or talk a walk. Mine is a story for another day.
so darling you don't have to experience the bad drama. Learn from the mistakes of others like mine. Cos when the heat comes all the so called chemistry you thought you had will be gone. The are many fishes in the river. get hunting. leave mr potential drama alone.
Thank me later.
forgive my typo, I am in a hurry.
Please send in your chronicles. Am in the same shoe.. biko
DeletePoster i,is the man rich?if yes, I will advise u to accept him as ur father,infact do it gladly,atleast salewa also accepted Balogun as her father
ReplyDeleteSome people don't even understand poster 1
ReplyDeleteThe man she bears his surname isn't really in her life as she has seen him just twice
Meaning she has a single mother who has been taking care of her and never told her about the man who is her real father
The real father doesn't even know of her existence until now and he wants her back
Please let is endeavour to read well before advising people so they make the right decision
Poster 2: You sound like a reasonable girl, so let's analyse this your bf critically. He is 35years old,didn't finish school, big talker, attention seeker,no steady income, temper issues which he blames you for... I believe the fact that you are sleeping with him is clouding your judgement. Now, you need to stop that and really pray about this. I am sure you don't want to go thru what you mother went through. Pray and use your brain. "Hammer anytime ko Hammer anytime ni".
ReplyDeletePoster 2: if u can't stand, free him..
ReplyDeletePoster1:
ReplyDeleteLet me tell you about my daddy. I knew him all along. He was there from day one, but as much as I know, he never paid my fees for once. Oh, did I mention that I'm a graduate?. Just so you know I didn't drop out of school. That's a whole lot of fees he didn't pay. My mum did all. For me and my younger brother. Remember, my dad was there all along. Now, I don't know the details of your situation, your mother probably didn't even tell him he has a child, so you gotta find out, and if you realise he knew of your existence and neglected you still. You have no business with him. We have to be grateful to God though, that their negligence of us didn't stop our progress in any way. That said, if there is anything you might wish to do for him now or later. Do. Just don't get cozy with him. That's what I think.
Poster 2:
Relationships, marriage, courtship, love. All tricky businesses. There are no doctors, no-one knows jack about these things. But I believe you've got instincts and a mind janitor. Take your time and make your decision. Nobody can decide for you, trust me, you already know what you want, you just need as many people as you can get to second your motion. Just so you can say later "It wasn't entirely my fault" if things go awry. May the forces of life be with you.
poster 1:blood is thicker than water.
ReplyDeleteposter2:leave trash for lawma jire
Poster 2. I would like to advice you. I have been married for 30 years. I read this blog often but only comment once in a while to help others. When you want to decide if to marry a person, marry "as is". Dont marry potential. Look at your partner and say "if he remains 'as is', will I be able to cope? If you marry "potential", 20 years down the line you might still be looking at "potential". You had to lie that he is a graduate? Shows that you are deceiving your family as well as yourself. Relationships like that do not last. At 35, he isn't going to be interested in going to any school again. And what do you see now? Random income? After marriage you will eventually begin to treat him like "some dirty little secret". You are clearly both from different class. You seem to be a smart child. Because he is talking about marriage now you are now beginning to face the reality and consequences of making that decision. You are a very smart and wise girl. Physical chemistry is too fickle to decide to marry a person on. You are seeing the warning signs already and the fact that you are confused shows that you are getting that "red alert" which God has put into every creation of His. Only Man disregards it. Every animal obeys the alert when they sense danger, they run- but man? Man senses the danger and still waits around to see if it is so or not. Let me give you A rule of thumb guide - "When in doubt, don't". Pray. God speaks. and- I think He has been speaking!. Maybe what I need to say is you should listen. Because God will never leave you in doubt about a decision that will influence your whole life,your purpose, your happiness and existence on the earth.
ReplyDeleteBest reply.
DeleteComing from a well of wisdom and maturity. Thanks for teaching all of us.
Poster 2, over to you.
Poster 1 - Your mother has the answers.
ReplyDeletePoster 2- On a scale of 100, make sure he is 50 on the good side u admire, 30 on his side u can live with, with the hope of changing and 20 on the side u hope to live with whether changed or unchanged for the rest of ur life. Just know that whatever u cannot change in the course of the relationship is even more difficult to change in marriage. Go and tell ur mother the truth, lying makes him appear less of a man before ur family. I wish u the best.
poster 2. reading your story -when I got to the part where you said your bf likes to talk and be noticed-only one parable came to my mind. Empty vessels make the most noise. Baby, he has got nothing. The guy is a dreamer. Story teller. Noise maker. And that's what is in store for you. Trust me.Big noise. When it comes to time to pay the bills you will be the one planning ahead whilst he talks and talks ahead. But delivery? Nothing much. The signs are there already. You will be the one directing your home and taking decisions if you marry him. He's got no focus. At least not the type that will make you happy. You seem to be a planner. You take things step by step and look ahead. He doesn't plan. Its like for him whatever tomorrow brings he will cope with. That's where your problem is. Marry him and you will probably be on a roller coaster to frustration.
ReplyDelete