Sometimes isnt the truth better than a bag of lies that come back to haunt and kill your Joy?
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
WHEN LOVE BECOMES A BAG OF LIES..
I'm a regular here and read every single post, but seldom comment.
Here's my story...
I'm in my 30s, employed and based in the East.
I met Mr A (now Hubby), through a mutual friend.
Mr A is based in UK, has a daughter from a Welsh which He told me about, but they WEREN'T MARRIED ( cos I'm a bit spiritual and believe a divorcee is a NO NO, no disrespect please). His daughter is soo adorable and I accepted to have her as mine too, although he prefers She stays permanently with her Mum.
There were plenty challenges on the way of Our relationship, from friends/family thinking it was taking too long to formalise things, to him turning my back against some friends for fear of been manipulated, and even refusing to let me associate with His female cousin in UK ( under the guise that She's uncouth and all).
Also, I was made to believe He was filing for a document with the home office to allow 'equal custody' of the child and that's why things took too long.
Please note: I wasn't allowed to upload Our pics on any social media platform as He claimed to be a very private person and wants to avoid exposing his life...whereas, he was active on FB before this insistence.
We recently had a grand wedding that was the talk of town. No pics were allowed on Our social handles still. But in all of this, as intelligent and very calculating (positively oo)as I am, nothing prepared me for the blow coming.
It was time to file in for me. We filled all the forms and I even joked about the part that asked if either 1 of Us was married ( I specifically made ref to His Babymama), which He almost got upset about, cos I made him reassure me over and over during our relationship that there was nothing legal between them, and asking again meant I didn't trust Him. I had always had this inkling, which I never could get off my mind. And on several occasions, his family members would have to intervene and reassure me that there's nothing between them.
He got interviewed in UK, as He had to return almost immediately after the wedding ( also took along the docs to be submitted there), and he told me how it went almost word for word. I was ecstatic about the positive reply that would soon come.
Then, I went to collect my docs at the embassy with hopes up and all... I sat in my car to open the sealed bag and the 1st paper I saw was REFUSAL LETTER.
I thought...not again! Cos I had attempted twice already before vacationing in another country instead.
I read through the content, and lo and behold, it said that we filled the appendix... as single partners before marriage, but Hubby confessed during interview that He was previously married and recently divorced, as they also had confirmed same from home office and that He got his right to live in UK through her. So, cos we couldn't provide evidence showing that they had dissolved the previous marriage...
I was shattered! I cried like I hadn't done before in my life. He even had the nerve to say it was a lie and he would file against them...but eventually, He knew his cover was blown and had to confess.
I later thought to myself, this guy took the docs with him to UK. He could have attached his divorce papers, a covering letter or whatever with the docs to submit. His lawyer too was helping with the filing, and they both couldn't arrange things properly.
Even now, after a fews weeks of waking in the middle of night, crying for my life, the lies, betrayal of trust, manipulations... I still can't bring myself to understand why, why!
I've been too stressed out to take care of myself, and just recently suspected I might be pregnant.
Please advise me on this whichever way you can. I want mature minds in on this. I might send this link to him as well, so he can see why the fuss ( as He thinks there's nothing big about the deal and almost unapologetic, which is driving me nuts).
I'm already considering separation, damning the tongue lashes or family involvement. This is the 1st time I would feel REALLY depressed.
Help! before I do something stupid.
Hmmm this story get as e be?if he was really divorced how come he didnt have any document to support it?..To be able to advise you properly on this one needs a clear head...You are obviously not looking at divorce so thats good.
He probably lied not to lose you but still it was wrong .
he kept you away from those he thought might alert you,his actions had the profile of someone hiding something,you should have trusted your instincts.
If he has repented of his lies,just work through this with him and find a common landing but if he insists that he did nothing wrong,my dear buy a seat belt and shock absorbers and be ready for more mind blowing revelations....One small lie is told to cover the next one.
He started on a wrong note with you so thread carefully.
You are not gonna do anything silly because a man lied to you,the world will also not end because of his lies....just take some time away from him to clear your head but also realise that men like him who lie thru their ass do not have a problem with moving on.
Good luck with the preggy....AND HIM!