Stella Dimoko Sunday In House Gists


Sunday, 13 March 2016

Sunday In House Gists

Saturday In House gists was is different but you can add your freestyle if you want to...A winner will be chosen at the appropriate time.


Unaaa well done ooo. I just come here to yarn my tori jejely dey go. I be Nigerian student for one of this university like that for Ghana...and d situation of the 9ja economy don dey show for me and my colleagues body, no be small matter o. When we change naira to cedis e go b small change.

 Na im one day as hunger dey strike me I just see my guy wey roger me 2 cedis say make I use am chop...choi na Im I carry joy commot for hostel go find garri sugar and groundnut to buy.  

As I dey stroll come back the blow whistle wit my mouth na Im I see this fowl wey just they look nylon wey I carry for hand oo...chineke, wetin they hapoen , I just bone am say may I dey go my Im the fowl just rush me chuk nylon wey I hold, burst garri  for floor begin they chop head nearly burst...people come they look me and the fowl, if I say make I kill am, e fit turn police case. I just use shame pick my groundnut and sugar dey go hostel...till today if I see that fowl I still recognise am....owu na bastard o...this Buhari regime ehn. Na God go help person o...

I don sign out ..Heymeykar™



hi Stella of life. It all happened few years back when I was still an undergraduate. I grew up in a house where it was a crime for you to miss NETWORK NEWS @9. My dad loves watching news: channel, Ait, Nta, Cnn,  read newspaper join etc. He loves to be current and abreast with happenings around the world and expects us to do same. 

So 2013 when ASUU was  on strike, we were all home( me, my senior brother and sis). Rather than watch news, all we were after was seeing different movies and then sleep and when dad calls for prayers; we will come and be forming sleep so that he won't ask us why we missed the network news @9. 

So one day dad decided to punish us. After watching network news @9, he started watching CNN till 11 pm. Then we have all slept. So he went and woke my senior brother and asked him to woke us all that it was time to say our night prayers. When we all came to the parlour, with sleep in our eyes, he asked us to sing" Rock of Ages" non of us gree sing oh, so he asked us to stand up and raise up our hands. And we stood up and did as instructed. At intervals, he would ask us to sing and we will remain quiet. 

Then he started reading his bible and we were all still standing and he told us that if we don't sing that hymn today, we will remain standing till morning. We all kept quite. Like joke it was already 12:30am and I heard my senior sister with a loud voice singing" Rock of ages, cleft for me"my brother followed with his big bass " let me hide my self in thee' and me self come dey shout dey sing"let the water and the blood....". We come dey sing oh and my dad was saying louder and we singing loud with anger. My mum just sat down and was laughing at us. 

After the hymn, he lead us through a hot session of prayer. For each prayer point raised he will order prayer and we will pray out loud. After the prayer, come see vex, my sister went inside and bang her door. The next day nobody miss network news again.



This reminds me of one of those morning when there was fuel scarcity in Naija. I worked on the Island then and getting to Yaba bus-stop, there was a crazy queue waiting for Obalende/CMS. Hmmm... it was so bad some private cars were commuting, and charging of course. 

So this man drives past in one Mercedes 190 and because he was hesitant when he parked, i knew he was contemplating on picking passengers, i moved close to the car and as I touched the handle, he chanted Obalende/CMS, see as i quickly hurried. "Just 3, just 3" he said. He was in his mid 40s. Simple looking man dressed in grey safari. A child in school uniform was in front. She was about 7. 

So luckily two other ladies sat with me at the back and we moved.

Apparently  ladies were friends so they alighted at Obalende, over the bridge. He turned to me, had already collected my money when he asked where I was going. I was still going to Muson and there was a crazy traffic ahead. he looked uncomfortable. Suddenly his phone rang and he spoke into it before passing it to his daughter.

She looked at the phone and then put it on speaker. "Hello mummy."
The mum's voice was what I heard next. "Princess, where are you people now?"
"Daddy, where?" she asked him
"Okay. Did your father carry girlfriend?"
The girl turned to me. And couldn't say anything
My eyes were the size of halos.
"Me I don't know o."
"Where in Obalende are you? What do you see?"
"Plenty buses. "
I was so embarrassed but felt even worse for the man. I'm not sure I've ever seen a grown man look so uncomfortable. By this time he had collected the phone from the daughter and was speaking in a language I didn't understand but i could tell how hurt he was as his voice was solemn. I could also hear the woman screaming. I could see the Muson building ahead so without speaking, i gestured so he could let me out.
The child kept looking at me mischievously. I wonder what she hears on a daily basis at home. 


em jay said...

Spread mat.

Roseberry said...

Gist one poster, I understand how you must have felt... Kpele o. Lolzzz

Roseberry said...

Lolzzz @poster two

Roseberry said...

Some wives are the ones pushing their husbands to cheat, which one is "did your daddy carry girlfriend? Y bring d little girl into such issues. Mtcheeeew

Nwa Amaka said...

Na freestyle carry me come.
This story I am abt to tell happened to me back in jos during my school days.
During the heat period, there was this particular day that we went to for volleyball after the game we came back exhausted. Took our bath wore just pant and bra after eating we dozed off. At midnight, something woke me and I saw a tall dark man with glittering skin walk into my room. I kicked my friend slightly and she responded in same manner signifying that she saw him too. And my other friend was lying on the floor. We kept quiet. I don't know if it was out of fear or stupidity. The man walked in opened my wardrobe and carried my bag and picked up our phones and was about leaving when my friend shouted na thief oh. Before we got up the man don disappear from my room. When I asked her while she no shout when she saw the man she said she tot it was one of us spiritual husband that can visiting. We lost our phones and my bag out of fear .

pax dimond said...


James said...


pax dimond said...

Gist two.

Godchic said...

Thats how some women use stupid jealousy and unnecessary suspicions to destroy their homes. Did your daddy carry girlfriend, meanwhile na kabukabu daddy dey do.

LUCILE COCONUT OIL ABUJA 07059605320 Pin- 2BC6235E said...

Will vote when I read

Nora Nelson said...

Abeg o Arsenal no go kill my husband for me o..see as DH dey decree and prophesy upon this Arsenal vs Watford game this afternoon.

Ozil I soak your leg in the blood of Jesus. You shall score a goal today in Jesus name..
Giroud I prophesy today that you shall not miss any chance that Ozil will create for you in the mighty name of Jesus
And you Watford strikers,I send confusion your way as you get close to our 18 yard box..any ball you shall strike shall hit the bar.
All the while he was praying,his hand was on the Tv screen.
Make Una see me o..I pray make Arsenal win this game o..cos I no go fit console person o..after all this prophesy.

Nora Nelson said...

Wahala dey of the players that DH cursed his leg has finally scored for Watford..fear no gree me laugh o..where I go run go laff dis laff now..LOL

Emmanuel Olupinyo said...

gist two really cracked me up.

RICHBEE said...

You're very funny. I can't stop laughing ohhh

Daniaaa said...

Make I drop my own freestyle. It happened anyways:

Growing up, during easter we always went for retreat(camp). It's organised for kids in church. So that Easter, I went as always. It was on friday that was the day everyone says no meat. The people in charge of the kitchen fried fish and made soup and eba to go with it. What they do is they usually appoint one or two persons amongst us to help them with the serving. See the way I was jumping upandan when I saw my friend as part of them(lol). So, we lined up, and they started dishing food unto everyone's plate. I honestly don't know what pushed me o, I was just signalling with my fingers on my neck, my friend just went for the biggest head of the fish. I was just saying to myself, it may not be that bad(make I switch to pidgin abeg)
Meeeeeeeen! When I reach my chair, as I observe the fish, na so so bone. For those of una wey dy chop head of fish well well, una sabi sey fish suppose dy small part but lailai nothing gum this one. You can imagine my frustration. Na so my friend come with her food with two correct part of fish. She said 'Ha! didn't know you like head of fish like this o, as you put hand for neck, I just code sey you want the head'. E just be as if make I dash her slap.
Was reminiscing today of the good ol'days could help but laugh when I remembered this.

raymondking said...

lol...gist one got me RoTFL

Adaorah said...


raymondking said...

gist one got me ROTFL

MISS Mae said...

That your friend is crazy... Hahahaha

Ladyp said...

Hahahaha couldn't stop laughing at gist 2. Gist 3 got me cracking too

Sassy 'Meruche' Fire said...

Hahahahahaha...This cracked me up real good.

Buoyanticnaijablog said...

In jss1, I was a day student. Had to go to school. No pant or kpata to wear. So I went to borrow one from my sister. She gave me one old one with no elastic and (white turn brown). A beggar has zero choice. I tied the kpata with rubber band. Off to school. About 7 of us were 15 minutes late. This wicked teacher told us to jog . I was jogging peacefully, when the teacher screamed that someone kpata fell on the ground. The thing looks bad in daylight. everyone denied. I denied the most. I swore with my whole family . But one useless boy kept accusing me, he said he saw me . I was now denying with my ancestors. Because he was a male teacher, he could not continue with the search. Thank God. after all the commotion, the teacher used his cane to remove it to dust bin. Since that day, I only wear good, clean, elastic kpata oh...

barbie micheals said...

My free style gist Stella.So we were living in peace until my eldest sister's hubby got my dad the latest samsung, rewind to last month, my mum rushed to our rooms, banging on the doors, I checked the time and it was just some minutes past 2am, I came out, my other siblings were out too, and she assembled us and said we had to do midnight prayers and start fasting to, we asked why? And she said the spirit of death came by and was whistling, that it was whistling to a soul, that we all had to be vigilant, fear catch us na, see kabash, choi..fasting and midnight prayers started oh, for the next one week, she said no progress o, that the spirit still comes at that particular time and some afternoons too, and is still whistling seriously, we tried asking God why he wasn't answering us na, we now entered serious confession o, so we'll know the person's sin that's making jehova God to turn his cut the long story short o, I went to collect needle and thread from mumsy's room, I started hearing the whistling, blood of jesus nearly finished that day, I had turned cold with fear,next thing I Stella, it chilled, and. Started after few seconds again, mba o, I started tip toeing, hiding and following the sound, only to discover it was the alarm tone on the samsung phone...anyway we haven't still forgiven my parents

Ruchy said...

Gist 2,network News

Anonymous said...

Gist 2

Anonymous said...

Gist 2

Anonymous said...

Gist 2

Prince Young said...

d u wan to live long, pls don't go near your woman's phone unless u have shock-absorbers like me.
I just got home one day and met my neighbour(Emeka)crying like a baby, then we got talking.
Me: Mekus wetin happen now.... Who die nau???.
Emeka: Bros na Amaka o.
Me: ewo!!! Amaka don die ???.
Emeka: My brother had it been she even die sef, I no go cry this girl has finished me ooo.
Me: Oya pls calm down and tell me wat happened.
Emeka: Can you imagine Amaka dat i have been paying her school fees up to her final year now, she use idiot to save my name in her phone.
Me: Mtcheew na d idiot dey pain u,??? even make u cry? u get time my broda.
Emeka: No be d idiot dey pain me, d thing is dat my own idiot is idiot number 18.
Me: Hmmm my broda manage d idiot nah, after all my own girl dat i wan to marry use Evangelist David to save my name in her phone.
Emeka:(Laughing nw) nawaoo at least dat one is even beta.
Me: Shut up! wen I scrolled d phone further I saw 3 other Evangelist,then 2 Pastor,4 Apostle,2 Rev and then one Bishop.
Emeka: Hahahahaa may be dat Bishop is d general overseer of her heart and u be ordinary branch Evangelist!!!
Check your own girl phone now, maybe ur name might be Mumu, Ode, Akagon, Cousin 1, Course mate, Pastor, MechaniC .

Anonymous said...

Stella your blog nor go kee me oooo. This is good for a monday morning.

Ayodeji .N. said...

Hahahahahahahahaha! What a funny jist! I can't help but imagine the scenario.

better pikin said...

Very hilarious..

De Imperfect Chick said...


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