Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative.

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Saturday, 30 July 2016

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative.

*Thinking deeply*




STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
RUNS FRIEND ABOUT TO BECOME DAUGHTER'S MOTHER IN LAW

Stella, please permit me to run this chronicle past your BV’s whom I find are mostly youths. Perhaps I can find some answers or advice here. I read your blog every now and then. It helps me to know the workings of the minds of the youths of today. This is my chronicle:-


I had a friend in school through secondary and University days in the East. We became very friendly as undergrads. She was very funny, jovial but was badT. She did everything bad-from sleeping with lecturers for marks, to dating married men, several abortions-she was a party freak. 

My mum never liked her, warned me several times and people used to wonder how both of us could be friends. I was the quiet, good girl, study always type. But she used to say that if she wanted to hear the truth, she knew she could always turn to me and that having me as her friend was the best thing she could have. Anyway we graduated. And went our separate ways. 


Fast forward to some odd twenty five plus years later, I bumped into her at a Mall in Georgia, U.S.A. We both screamed and hugged ourselves. My daughter was with me on that day-due to soon start her Masters’ degree at a University in Georgia. My friend and I caught up on lost times. She told me she had 3 sons. All living in the U.S. She also lived there though she came to Nigeria once in a while. 


I told her this was my only daughter-She spoke with my daughter for a while, noting that I had such a beautiful, fashionable daughter, teasing her that her mother was a plain Jane in school.  We laughed and chatted for a long time, just generally asking about who’s where and what’s going on in Nigeria. We parted, promising to keep in touch. I came back to Nigeria. 


A few months later, my daughter calls me and shyly on the phone asks me about my friend and if I had heard from her? I said no. Long story short, I found out my friend had one day called my daughter up and somehow got her introduced to her first son. From there, one thing led to another. Now my daughter seems to have fallen in love with her son and wants to marry him. I wasn’t (am not) happy about this. I never imagined that my daughter would end up with someone like this my friend as a mother-in-law. Not only did I know her dark dirty secrets from school days, I know she doesn’t really have much regard for the values of marriage. 



How would she keep them both together when the storms of marriage begin? I wasn’t really surprised when I learnt from my daughter that her 3 sons were for 3 different men! Back then in school days, she was staying with her aunt and was arranging girls for her aunts’ husband behind her aunts’ back for monetary gains. These were all the things I would speak sharply to her about as a friend. To now think she would end up as my only daughters’ mother-in-law. I couldn’t stomach it. I felt she took advantage of our meeting and deliberately threw my daughter in the line of meeting her son- mischievous things she was quite capable of doing. I didn’t like it one bit. 


I don’t think she would even see anything wrong in her son having extra marital affairs. But I couldn’t tell my daughter all this info. Instead, I tried hard to discourage my daughter but the more I tried, the more stubborn my daughter became. 


The son came down to Nigeria to plead with my husband and I to allow him marry our daughter. He couldn’t understand our disposition. He and my daughter have concluded that I couldn’t have been a true friend to his mother- that I was only pretending to be. He is hurt. So is my daughter. Things have gone very cold between my friend and I since she sensed that I wasn’t favourably disposed to her son marrying my daughter.


  I don’t want my daughter to end up in her family. I know my friend very well.  In spite of her being friendly, she also has a very troublesome, overbearing nature. Eventually she’ll become a monster-in-law. I see it happening. Stella’s BV’s, am I wrong? Am I being judgemental? I can’t ever tell my daughter – (by proxy, her boyfriend)- all what I know. I ran background checks on the guy and he seems to be a good person- tall, good build, very comfortable ( I could see why my daughter fell for him), but a little bit timid-and overly respectful.


 Which makes me fear that he may not be able to handle his mum’s excesses.   My info sources told me there were paternity and trust issues which made his father quit the scene ever since he was young. So there’s not likely to be a father-in law presence. 


I don’t want my daughter with his mother. How do I even relate to her as an in- law knowing all the things she did back then? I can’t even trust her and she doesn’t seem to have changed very much. How will my daughter cope with this kind of mother-in law?? I’m just so perplexed at this point.



*Find out if your daughter is already sleeping with him.
Find out if she is pregnant.
Find out all you need to know and then if it still reads red,then do everything possible to end it.
Your former friend might be bad but looking to settle her sons with good girls and she jumped at the opportunity seeing your daughter.Its possible that you are using her past to Judge her....but like i said,do your checks and end what needs to be ended abeg!

You left it too late and at this point your daughter will not believe whatever you tell her anymore.



133 comments:

Miss Ess said...

She might not want her kids to tow her kind of life, she might be the best mil ever. Old things have passed away so to say. Let love make a way for this kids. As for father figure, that's a small thing, even kids in orphanage have father figures, more importantly pray, if it is the will of God for this two, nothing can stop them, not even you. It is well

Rocky said...

Wow.. I know people change but then, I know some people can't be saved!
I think you should come clean with your daughter.. She deserves to know why you are trying to end the marriage then, allow her make her own decisions..

ANGELRAY4SDK said...

Madam jugina I raise yansh for u, see how u condemned ur so called friend haha,s o if u didn't know her past would you be stopped ur daughter from marrying her son, I don't even pray to ve a mother in law like u, u didn't tell us u got married as a virgin, I know u are SAINT THERESA but plz leave ur daughter alone u hear, allow her to marry d guy,u ve just destroyed ur relationship with ur friend.

I am the queen and the boss of this blog said...

This poster is very very stupid!,,.
Gosh!...I hate your type!...
Devil!...
So because your friend didn't have a husband that's why you termed her evil abi?...
I wonder what her son saw in that your daughter sef...
How are you sure your daughter is not a RUNZ girl?....
Mtcheeww...
Nonsense!...

BECKY'S DIARY said...

As for me oo

If he truly loves your daughter,respects her, respects your family and wants to do right by her. Plz give way for love

You and your friend have lived your lives, allow your kids live theirs! Forget the past, it's very possible that at this her age, she has changed her ways!

It's my opinion oh

Jennah said...

Ma I think you should tell her your daughter why you dont agree with her decision and if after telling her she insist on marrying the guy then just give her your blessing. It's her life so let her make her decision.

Ada Nwanbueze said...

Yes madam you are been judgemental. Allow your daughter be, you have lived your life let her live hers. Stop judging your friend with her past mistakes (no body holy pass). Besides your daughter is getting married to your friend's son and not your friend, so why are you worried? If you say the guy seems like a nice person then let them be.

Chidinma Grace said...

It takes d blood of two ppl to make a baby, d guy might be good from his dad side. So don't judge a son bc of a parent past. Judge him base on his present, he might be d best hubby for ur precious daughter. Just look beyond ur hatred for his mother's past.

Anonymous said...

The question is has she changed ? Or are you judging her with her past? If you feel insecure then stop the marriage except you feel that the guy is not 100% under his mother's control...what's your husband's take on this? Have you prayed over it?

STARRY LARRY said...

Now this is very deep, I understand your feelings but one thing I will let you know is, she might have been a changed woman. I think you need to sit your daughter down and try and discuss your fear with her, tell her some of her MIL's characters back in school, but don't go too deep about it. So after all these, if your daughter feel she can tolerate this, let her go in for.




*Larry was here*

Blackberry said...

Ma'am, sometimes your friend won't turn out to be d monster in law you fear so much. If your daughter is bent on marrying him, allow her, the woman is ur friend n if she interferes, you can easily wade in since u know d woman too well...just allow them n see how it pans out.

MzAnon said...

Oh please!!!!!!!!! Madam holy! Your daughter has found love in a good young respectable mman in your words, leave them be!!!! Don't visit the sins of his mother on him. From your write up it seems you'll be the monster inlaw.she was arranging girls for her aunts husband because he was a DOG! What you should do is back them up with prayers. Madam goody two shoes, holy mother of Jesus. Don't tell them anything, keep that your mouth shut! What you should do instead is talk to your friend, afterall even with all her escapades you were still her friend meaning she has some good side. Leave the young couple be please don't be a clog in their wheel of happiness. Tongue click

Atheist. said...

Which level headed parent will sit back n watch the child waltz in hell? I undrstand ur skeptism..... If ur daughter is old enough to collect, and old enough to consider marriage, she's damn well old enough to know the whole truth.... Put it in blacknwhite for her, rarely do we see offsprings take diff path the parent/guardian followed... If u cnt take that risk, then do everythg in ur power to halt that union, kill it in the crib.

#Shae: what do u want from me?
TyrionLannister: what do i want from you?
I want u to share my tent.
I want u to pour my wine, laugh at my jokes, rub my legs when they're sore after a days ride
I want u to take no other man to bed as long as we're together.
And i want u to fuck me like its my last night in this world, which it may well be.

FLUX said...

MA there are always two sides to a coin. I understand that as a mother u want the best for ur daughter. But u really have to be careful hence u loose the bond u both have.

D boy in question didn't sign up to be the child of a randy mother. He 'might' be a sensible and mature guy. Perhaps he wants a better life with ur daughter.

What I can only advise u to do is to make serious findings about d boy not his mother. Ask people about him, if there's anything negative about him, Open up to ur daughter and if she doesn't see reason, allow her but seriously pray for her.

PORTABLE VIV the beautiful n sexy queen of sdk blog said...

I will read comment abeg
The 3 sons are for 3 diff men?
I hope she won't be arranging girls for her sons even wen they married!!

Francis ezekwonna said...

she might have lived a rough life but wants his son to marry the 'good girl' your daughter. Run your check on her and know if she has changed. if it's still same way. blow the whistle to your daughter. that way at least she would know what to expect if she insists.
if she insists BLESS THEI UNION.

Miss Juliet said...

Poster please call your daughter..tell her everything your friend did while in school and d possibility of being a bad mother in law to her,i guess she won't want to go ahead but if she insists i think you should just let her be..if her mind is made up nd u make her not to marry the guy she will have serious problems with u..so just talk to her as a mother nd advice her the much u can

Empress CHO said...

Oh yes, you have absolutely every reason to worry. Past lifestyle can be overlooked, three kids from different men can be forgiven...But this sneaky move she pulled, going behind your back to get your decent daughter to probably even out the scandal of her life and family make-up is ugly.

You should have opened up earlier to your daughter...told her about this friend of yours. If your friend was a sincere person, she would done the match-making stuff through you. But clearly, she is still very much a manipulative person who clearly lives on the edge, eating her cake and having it at the same time.

Sadly, you have an emotionally clouded daughter...refraining from saying she's stupid that is. She clearly is not bright enough in the affairs of the heart to know that Love is not close to enough. You've lost the chance to get her realise that values matter and role-modelling influences the outcome of marriage....She is now defensive.

You are not judgemental at all, you love and want the best for your daughter. You really need to explain everything to your hubby, tell about your misgivings, her lifestyle, her choices, her offsprings, her sneaky move. Let your husband know what you know. Two parents having misgivings will give her a pause if she has brain.

Pray really hard for your daughter please. She needs to see beyond wedding and the prospect of having a husband soon, to realise that there is a bigger problem in how this relationship started and the influence around it. That repented runz girl story about making the best wife, best in-laws, we all know that shit is an over-recycled half-truth. Employ the heavens on her behalf.

Then please, you need to get to know this dude personally. There is a danger about judging him with the same stick as his mother. You need to assess his value system and his understanding about marriage. Psychos have produced saints you know. Listen carefully, watch the non-verbal language and your instincts, do your underground investigation as well. Determine how much of a hold, his mother has on him... to avoid future pimping.

Also, have a real talk with your daughter. One that doesn't have to be authoritative. Listen to her talk, one adult to another. Bare out your feelings without hostility. Emphasize your need for her best interest. You are her mother, say the right things....you need to break that wall of defense.

Lastly, find peace within yourself. Your panic may be presenting as hostility and self-righteousness. Ask for grace to love your ex friend through the resentment you feel. Then please talk to her, let her know your disappointment and anger at her cheap manipulative game. The strain it has caused in your family and the need for her to place herself in your position. Do not make an enemy out of her pls, incase all fails and you wear same aso-ebi soon.
I pray God helps you and your child through this.

daniel martins said...

Firstly, it's obvious your friend is still into match making and your daughter is not the first girl she might have arranged for her sons. There's alil Grey area as to her virtues as a mom compared to her single virtues. She could have turned to a good mom and homely one at that (because her sons turned out to be quite decent as u specified) but and a very big but, she will be trouble down the line. First reason is: a honorable woman will respect you by asking you first before match making them at any point.
Also when the tides were up due to ur disagreement, she would have tried calming you and making u see other reasons and her changed persona. But i doubt she care about those virtues anyways.
Solution: i think u need to stop advising your daughter about breaking up but advise her about taming a man. Let her be close to u and share experiences. Also, teach her how to be in charge of her relationships cos she's an adult. What if u never knew the mom from Adam, would u have restrained?
So be more of a friend to your daughter at this critical point of her life and warn her about condom use and all those personal stuff. Try to know her dates and they should stall on their marriage talks till she's done with her masters. Just justify your reasons for stalling so they don't see u as evil mom.
And u need to call ur friend and talk about their union without prejudice. Be straight and no odd feeling while u discuss your reasons as to why they should stall till she's done with her masters and become independent. Because that's the only gift you can give her right now. Becoming an independent lady.

Hope these work for you.
Bless.

Chinyelugo Esther said...

Madam the truth of the matter is, IN Africa, 90 % of marriages are run by inlaws especially mother in laws... Except enlightened mothers. It's best for ur daughter to break off with her son. After all, if she no meet her son nko, she would have fallen for another guy. Its better to have a broken relationship than broken marriage filled with regrets. Open up and Speak to ur daughter. Marriage is a life time committment....

DonMayor said...

This is going to be a long ride for you madam. That woman is a baaad woman, sharp player. Your daughter is going to be a pawn.
You just have to do everything within your capacity to break them up even if na to nack pigeon sef.. Lol
I understand how you feel, just act fast if you don't want them together but be sure your daughter's going to prove difficult to convinced.
If am in your shoe, i will break them up too and go any length to do it.

School Life said...

I dun understand.

PLATINUM said...

Thats why i like my mum. She be my paddy, she tells me everything. Ma'am how is ur relationship with this daughter of urs, is she jst ur daughter or ur friend. You should be able to call her as a friend and speak to her her, tell her everything and explain to her everyyhing u knw abt this friend of urs n why u dnt think ur daughter shud be communicating with them like that. Tlk to her n im sure there must be sometin u cn do bt if finally she refuses stand by her and remind her she always got u no matter the outcome.
P.s To those posters whose parent dont want u to marry one partner or the other, im sure she knws n is seeing someting ur not. No parent wouldnt want the best for their child.

Madam, u can give her a link to this post so she could read this herslf.

Anonymous said...

Madam poster pls, swear you had no youthful exuberance or never took an "I missed my period" pill. You are judging your friend whom I am sure also knows one or two secrets about you too. Your description of your self shows a sloppy miss-goody-two shoes who always thinks she is the only good girl in the lot. No doubt, your daughter could be like you, your friend knows this yet she honoured you and accepted your her for her son.
Since you want our sincere opinion, I think you would be the one who would turn out to be a monster-in-law. Nothing your friend does would ever be good enough in your eyes and you'd always be ready to say I told you so to your daughter.
You need to let go off your naivity and bless your daughter's intended marriage.
No offence intended.

Spanish Lantern said...

Stella that was so honest of you. Poster abeg take her advice, sit your little girl down & tell her the truth. If she till insist on going ahead then let her, rather than lose her. But that your friend na real sharp Babe turn sharp Mama, see as she just quickly arrange better thing for her son being very sure you raised the girl well.

nina chocomile said...

Awww, this story is bitter-sweet. I felt 'somehow' after reading it. The things we mothers do for our children. Ma'am, I understand ur pain totally, and I want to say u are 100% right in having reservations about ur ex friend being ur in law. The only thing I gotta say is this: Pls pray for ur daughter, ask God to give u the wisdom to handle the issue, and tell God that if the marriage isn't meant to be, He shld scatter it in a peaceful way. There was this man who came for my hand in marriage those days, he was from a broken home and my mum didn't like him despite him being my states man. My mums argument was that it is rare for people from broken homes to keep a marriage. Oh boy come and see katakata in our house then. I told my mum I'll marry him like that cos he is handsome and comfortable. Then my mum went into prayer and dry fast. In fact she and my grand mum (her mum) did joint prayer and fast for me. One faithful day, I went to visit this my boo in his place at jabi without calling him (which was very much unlike me). On getting there na so I knock no answer, come notice say parlor door dey open, as I entered like this I started hearing "faster baby faster" 'don't stop pls'. Hian, I just went straight to the room, see my boo giving this chic chair doggy style. I stood there in shock cos this guy acts like he detested 2timing n cheating. When I came out of my shock, I just left, and that was the end of Solomon grandy. My mum asked me 2wks later about him n why he hadn't come to d house. When I told her we were done she just smiled. Prayer answered!

nina chocomile said...

Awww, this story is bitter-sweet. I felt 'somehow' after reading it. The things we mothers do for our children. Ma'am, I understand ur pain totally, and I want to say u are 100% right in having reservations about ur ex friend being ur in law. The only thing I gotta say is this: Pls pray for ur daughter, ask God to give u the wisdom to handle the issue, and tell God that if the marriage isn't meant to be, He shld scatter it in a peaceful way. There was this man who came for my hand in marriage those days, he was from a broken home and my mum didn't like him despite him being my states man. My mums argument was that it is rare for people from broken homes to keep a marriage. Oh boy come and see katakata in our house then. I told my mum I'll marry him like that cos he is handsome and comfortable. Then my mum went into prayer and dry fast. In fact she and my grand mum (her mum) did joint prayer and fast for me. One faithful day, I went to visit this my boo in his place at jabi without calling him (which was very much unlike me). On getting there na so I knock no answer, come notice say parlor door dey open, as I entered like this I started hearing "faster baby faster" 'don't stop pls'. Hian, I just went straight to the room, see my boo giving this chic chair doggy style. I stood there in shock cos this guy acts like he detested 2timing n cheating. When I came out of my shock, I just left, and that was the end of Solomon grandy. My mum asked me 2wks later about him n why he hadn't come to d house. When I told her we were done she just smiled. Prayer answered!

obi victoria ebere said...

Madam,let your daughter be. Yes,na me talk am. I know a lot of folks will tell u to end the relationship but excuse me ma,your daughter is 25yrs not 12. So,allow her to make her decision in life. Moreover the devil u know is better than the angel u don't know. I've seen many people resent their parents bcos they felt they prevented them from whom they love and could have being happy with. What if your daughter leaves this guy and end up with a worst mother in law? What if she later resent you in life for depriving her of the nan she truly loves? What if she marries this guy and enjoyed a peaceful home thereby debunking all your evil assumptions?
The devil u know is better than the angel u don't know, just tell your daughter to dine with the devil with a long spoon.
Allah ajara.



Shallow

obi victoria ebere said...

Madam,let your daughter be. Yes,na me talk am. I know a lot of folks will tell u to end the relationship but excuse me ma,your daughter is 25yrs not 12. So,allow her to make her decision in life. Moreover the devil u know is better than the angel u don't know. I've seen many people resent their parents bcos they felt they prevented them from whom they love and could have being happy with. What if your daughter leaves this guy and end up with a worst mother in law? What if she later resent you in life for depriving her of the nan she truly loves? What if she marries this guy and enjoyed a peaceful home thereby debunking all your evil assumptions?
The devil u know is better than the angel u don't know, just tell your daughter to dine with the devil with a long spoon.
Allah ajara.



Shallow

Anonymous said...

Efulefu nwanyi
Anumpama
Itimpataka
So d only thing ur blocked brain cld make out of the this was that she hates d woman cos she has no husband. Inoo far... Very far

Cissy said...

#Davos Seaworth: It's better to wait for the right time than risk everything.
Stannis Baratheon: This is the right time and I will risk everything because if I don't, we've lost. We march to victory, or we march to defeat. But we go forward. Only forward!

Anonymous said...

it only in Nigeria..in laws doesn't run marriages in Ghana....

Anonymous said...

You have said it all. Church a bassa go!
The earthly answer u seek....u have found in this comment. UL need to go on your knees to get the heavenly answer

Anonymous said...

You are the stupid one and I know you are like the posters friend... How could u even call someone old enough to be your mother stupid? Manner less and foolish goat who doesn't know the meaning of values and ethics in life

Anonymous said...

Stella please i dont like your advice. First why should an innocent man lose the person he loves because of the sins of his mother way before he was born. Secondly,she was a friend of the accused when they were peers,and she didnt pick the attitude,so what makes her think it will rub off on her daughter. Thirdly she should come clean to her daughter with her reservations and let her make her decisions. Please she is an adult. If she ends it,the lady might never forgive the mum especially if her next rship or marriage gives her problem. I dont like the way stella painted the guy as if he is a plague.

Elizabeth Osang said...

Wow Empress,well said.
Poster please take this advice

Anonymous said...

You speak well angelray,poster how can you call someone your friend yet resent her this much.i don't like the way you paint your friend all sorts of bad, so what if she had her 3boys for different men,she didn't create herself,and she won't force a man that decided to leave her after giving birth,she's got well behaved and successful sons,that shows she's a good mother. I really hate the way you judged your friend,you are a bad Friend.biko carry your daughter go let's see if she will end up with a better man or a better mother inlaw.

Anonymous said...

I don't understand how a good girl will make a runs girl her best friend. Madam, it is said that birds of a feather flock together. Something does not add up in this your story. How can u ever claim u were best friends with her and u re clean? Did u try cautioning her then? If u re innocent like you painted, call ur daughter and tell her the truth. One advise from me to u is LET LOVE LEAD. Never judge people by their past.

LUCILE COCONUT OIL ABUJA 07059605320 Pin- 2BC6235E said...

Nice comment

Anonymous said...

Madam if someone knew everything you didn't know about your mother are you sure your husband would have married you?
Stop judging the boy by his mother,tell your daughter the truth so that she will be more cautious and observant but don't refuse them the chance to get married
Let your daughter live her life with her own choices

Lemonade said...

100 likes for your comment

Anonymous said...

You are a big fool. Didn't you hear its her only daughter/child

Anonymous said...

I hope you have nothing to hide that's why you haven't told your family all you know about her to avoid being exposed?

Workaholics Anonymous said...

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ.
Poster, pls adhere to this comment.
Q.E.D

MRS. D said...

Madam do not allow your daughter marry from that family. That was an unacceptable thing to do, speaking with your daughter behind you. I see she's still in d matchmaking business, why his her son not in a relationship if he's decent? Lastly This woman doesn't look changed even u mentioned it, don't let her scatter your happy family in the long run,being inlaws with her is opening your life to her and even your husband. Before you know it i hope she doesn't sleep with your husband. That woman has no values,so I wonder what values she would have trained her son's with. Step brothers x step nephews and nieces. I guess you don't want that for your only daughter . Break it off at all cost

Anonymous said...

Stories that touch the heart is loading...how long has she known him... I pity ur daughter, she is just young and naive...u want to enter a family that had three different fathers...just know that falling in love has destroyed a lot of homes bcos they failed to b real with facts...leave the boys character for now, 5 yrs from nw, thru character comes out, no one knows how his growing up was, with that type of mother... They always advice to watch the mothers character b4 getting married...all those saying and preaching love on this blog will not b with u and ur child when its time to carry cross

Anonymous said...

Did you even read and comprehend the story at all?? Did she say its because her friend does not have a husband??? As far as I'm concerned she's not judging the woman, she's only protecting the interest of her daughter. And if the so called friend has actually changed, she won't go being the posters back and set her daughter with her son. We all know that when families want their children to marry each other they sit down and talk first. Its either the father's agree or the mother's agree then the process of match making starts. The poster has every right to be suspicious. Her friend may not have good intentions. Please be very sure before your daughter enters that family.

Anonymous said...

I will advice u cal ur friend n find out if she has changed. Try to learn more abt her before u conclude dat she will ruin ur daughter

Anonymous said...

Dear poster, if it will help, my father was serially polygamous when he was alive. I have been married for 21 years and the only woman who has seen my pennis is my wife. The only woman I have kisses on the lips in all those years is my wife. If the boy seems fine character wise and physically, let your daughter live ane experience her own life. What I'd you did not know your friend before now, would you not rejoice at the prospect of your daughter marrying? Trust God.

SteffySoFynSoFly said...

This poster don born me ooooh!!! Mummy you don't have to look too far, you are a mother right? As a mother what does your instinct say? See sometimes we as children we tend to be very myopic and its unfortunate that at that point when we think we are in love we let our feeling becloud our sense of reasoning and judgemen,we feel we know what we want without even knowing what's ahead. Talk to her be open with her, let her know what she is getting into. If she decides to marry him then that's her cross to carry. She is an adult and by law she is responsible for the choices she makes. Don't push her into getting pregnant for him just to mock you ma. Being with him its her call to make not yours ma, so please as a mother don't come and die bcoz of pikin wey no dey hear word. Rather pray that your friends son will be a better husband to your daughter.

Mhen I hate to give my mama headache she is my most priced possession. If she no want Lee boo, Lee boo gat to go its as easy as that. Can't kill my mama biko. The same no pikin go kill me.

falcon said...

Your friend knew u won't approve of the marriage and went behind your back, that was wrong. From this narrative, you are a very good mother, instead of creating enmity with your daughter, just let her be, tell her everything about the MIL. It is her life!!!
*This the first advice I am giving on SDK.

Jenny Ekwe said...

Hey Aunty Jennah send your wedding night brouhaha tomorrow o!! Don't fail.

+ I strongly disagree with your comment. Poster dont tell your daughter, cause she will never see reasons with you. Never. Love is blind dear.

Let her marry her hearthrob. Dont transfer the sins of the father to the children abeg. You should learn to live in peace with your bad friend for your daughters sake. I agreee with what stella said too, she prolly wanna hook her son to a good girl like your daughter. The MIL shouldn't be a problem pls. Just make sure the boy in question isn't like his mother. Dass all.

I love your chronicles. Quite touching.

Morale lesson: don't be a runz girl with a good friend, and then hook ur son up to the good friends daughter in 25yrs time.

Am I even making sense???

Anonymous said...

Poster, you're saying all these because you knew the woman. What if your daughter lets go of this guy and marries someone whose mother has an even worse past but whose past you dont know because you were not friends? Would that be better for you? From your writeup, the guy sounds like a very decent guy. Coming all the way to Nigeria to ask for you and your husband's blessings. I think its very unfair to stop your daughter's happiness because of you and your friend's past. Leave your daughter be.

Anonymous said...

@Empress,kudos to you,your advice was the best,you have a good head on your shoulder.God bless your wisdom

Anonymous said...

She might be arranging girls for her sons to sleep with o. Your daughter doesn't need all those complications. Tell her everything u know and tell her your answer is no!

Mrs. Romas said...

Poster, i understand your fears. I will only advice you call your only daughter and narrate everything to her. If she still decides to continue with the relationship/marriage then; I'll also advice you give her your 100% support.

No, you are not being judgemental at all; that child is your only daughter and you want the best for your child, but it also has to do with the 'heart', your old friend son might be the best for your child too.
I will also advice you seek the face of God. Call your friend and ask her if she has changed from her rough ways, if she has accepted Christ into her life and living a Christ-like life?

She might turn out to be the best mother in-law, people like your friend always try their best to save their children's marriage. They don't always want their children to live the kind of lifestyle they lived.

Please, don't allow this issue to cause problem between you and your daughter, and don't forget, she live very far away from you and your husband. Since you have seen the boy and talked with him; while not give them a try?

In whatever decision you guys take, i just hope you and your daughter relationship stays intact. I wish you the best.

World People said...

Well look at It this way , your fear tho well founded by just be due to your over active imaginations . A lot of runs girls are mothers and grandmothers . Majority of us don't even know the past of our mother in laws , but we treat them with respect and hope for the best

It's very unfair to visit the sins of the mother upon the son , how would u feel if your daughter was meted out punishments meant for you? Since from your findings her son is level headed and a good man I don't see why you should oppose the marriage . After all she (a good for nothing as claimed by you) raised such a fine young man . Just advise ur daughter to keep mother in law interference to the minimum .

Do not go into all your friend did as a youth , because that would make her disrespect her MIL and cause future problems in her marriage .. Just say you knew her back in school , and she has some not so virtuous characters , and that was why you opposed . But you hope time has changed all of that , and you advise her to be respectful but to keep her marriage between her and her husband

The down side is , when problem arises , her MIL who is supposed to be the voice of reasoning might actually take her son's side and that might frustrate ur daughter - I know that's ur fear . But don't worry so much . Cross that bridge when you get there and pray for them .

Your daughter might have ended up wth worse as a MIL

grace said...

Madam only God will really know the end from the beginning,I know how it is with this kind of friend,the only thing I don't like is the sneaky way she joined your daughter with her son,don't think she has changed of not why did she not go thru you aftercall you are friends,smell something fishy here!

pink lady said...

Madam saint,how market?
I hate to have friends like you who keep their sexcapades a secret and listen to other people's only to judge them later!I have never seen a dog and a goat being friends o,you were also a runs girl back then but you were only pretending....if i hear say you be virgin then!
I can keep all kinds of friends but I cant have friends who steal or who are into jazz!if your friend isnt into jazz,I dont see any reason why she isnt qualified to be your daughter's MIL.
Am sure your friend went behind your back to connect your daughter to her son because she was afraid of your judgemental attitude. ..I guess she was right.
Dont try to end their relationship,trust me,she will be the best MIL your daughter could ever dream of.

Anonymous said...

Which dad side??? Dad Wey add to to the ministry as baby dada ... U think say im send... Marriage ain't relationship, the girl is just dumb and naive... Love is not just enough to sustain a marriage successfully...

white Berry said...

I understand your fears poster, bvs stop blaming the poster, if you were in her shoes you all will as well want to give a rethink of the proposal. But what I will advice you, give the son a trier, after all your frnd been the Mil to be wouldn't be living with them, who knows this kind of a home might be the best ever because she wouldn't want her son to trade the parts she has taken in the past that is why she choose your daughter for the son knowing you are responsible and knowing you must have brought up your daughter properly so please don't disrespect what she is got for you. The only side I see she is wrong was when she introduced them, she would have contacted you first. Probably she knew you wouldn't give consent to it so please stay clam and give them a try and let God have his way if it's his will. God bless

Anonymous said...

I don't understand d reason your friend went behind u to introduce her son to ur kid. I think dat is kinda suspicious and absurd y not talk to u abt it first since u were friends and Neva even spoke abt it until ur daughter did. Well I think she took d smart move by winning ur gals heart and she took advantage of u. Well she want d best for her son and she might probably have changed but dat looks cunning to me.

Maurin Gabs said...

Oga blog madam,,, abeg use your brian... I don't know what you people don't think before commenting... Picture its your mum in this situation na so you go call her stupid???

Maurin Gabs said...

My thought exactly.... Study her to know if she is still the same old person you know.

Anonymous said...

I don't understand d reason y your friend had to go behind you to introduce her son to ur gal without informing u first. Well she might have changed and want d best for her son but I feel she is cunning by tryin to take d smart of winning your heart and sympathy ova ur view. She didn't even tell u until ur daughter did.haba

Anonymous said...

Exactly don't mind the prostitutes advising her to let the daughter be,women are worse than men no wonder Men are dealing with lots of them,this blog has taught me to avoid women.hmmmm!

Anonymous said...

Madam I pity that your daughter,if she has a child for that family,one of her kids will be like the MIL,no wonder bible says dont be unevenly yoked with unbelievers.madam better call family meeting.

Miss Ferragamo said...

I think you're being overly judgmental. Telling your daughter won't change anything, however,do not keep her in the dark. I understand your fear but you have to understand your daughter is in laaarrv.☺

pearlXYZ said...

I think your friend was wrong to introduce her son to your daughter without telling you. Its a sneaky move and its low. But your daughter has gone far in his relationship with this guy n will probably hate you for spoiling it for her so please be careful vos if she ends up marrying this guy she ll really need especially when its time to stand up to her mother in law. So pls don't push her away.

Jenny Ekwe said...

#wisdom

Anonymous said...

Angelray, do you know the saying, "what an old man sees sitting down, even if a young man climbs an iroko tree, he will not see it". For you to get married by God's standards, you need the approval of God and you parents in the presence of witnesses and men of God. The poster obviously likes her friend but she is seeing beyond the surface. I personally think that the poster may have a point. However, no one chooses a spouse for their kids again. Poster, just tell your daughter what you think. Advice her neutrally. Tell her the truth and what you feel but make her know that whatever her choice is, is entirely up to her and whatever the outcome of this union is as a result of her decision. Finally let her know that as much as you don't like the idea, you will love and support her.

Anonymous said...

I understand your reservations but I don't think you can or should judge the outcome of the prospective marriage based on the mother. What traits and attributes does the young man have? What values does he have? Is he an inherently good person? Look, I know of cases whereby am the family appeared so "good", the mother and father had stayed married for decades etc but guess what? Their children, majority of them ended up having failed marriages... Infact , I'll go as far as saying that my mother-in- law has some similarities with your friends. She's been married three times and was unfaithful in two of her marriages. But her son is very different. If anything, he's learnt from her mistakes and is determined not to make the mistakes she made in her marriages. So my point is don't make a final judgment based solely on your friend. Get to know the guy first and find out the kind of person he is z is he God- fearing and kind? What are his values? How does he treat your daughter? Best of luck.

Anonymous said...

Word. The typical women on this blog who are only pro-wedding, pro-Mrs status, pro-wife status only will not see reason. Nothing beats age and experience. Life is not all about getting married or having a husband. Love is not enough. Love cannot weather every storm. Sometimes, all it takes is being real and practical.

Anonymous said...

Poster...Yes you are judgemental. 25years and you cant let go? Why ruin a young couple's chance at happiness because you were mary amaka in school and your friend wasnt?

Anonymous said...

My 20cent advice, allow sleeping dogs to rest. The devil you know is better that the angel you dont know. Madam please give them your consent and blessing. That all you can do at this point.

Cissy said...

Nice one @ white berry, same tort here. Madamรจ, have a talk with her son, you never know. Focus on your daughter, let her be more knowledgeable on things about marriage, how to cope with the ups & down etc. You might write-off the Mother, but please don't write off the Son. Since your daughters mind is made up, if she doesn't find love in another man if you finally dissolves this, she will hate you for life.

Apocalypse said...

@queenandboss i haven't commented before here but i have to because of u.....see how u are insulting a mother here by calling her stupid just for blog popularity... may God have mercy on you... all these things you talk here have repercussions mind u..... Look at insult.. just because you want to be a blog champion? Smh. I pity u ..

beautiful said...

Queen. I swear you are very stupid. She needs advice and you insult her like this. I know you have kids. Let's say you have female children and you are in a dilemma and your younger coussin insults you. Well I don't blame you. From your comments on this blog, you are an agbaya and a former runsgirl that's why you can easily dismiss the poster's fears.

Diamond Forever said...

Such women turn out to be good mother in law cos they know it all and will always stand up for ur daughter to see the marriage work. Pastors mother inlaw are terrible set of pple , the fact she is extremely exposed and no husband she will not watch her son experience what shes been through. Allow them marry. Dont push ur daughter to wrong inlaw that are ritualist.

Anonymous said...

Madam all these people advising have very terrible past,you cannot ask a art to watch over you fish, what you are doing is right,family background is very important and that family lacks it,pls know that the voice of the devil may be the loudest but may not be right,a lo of people are advising you to let your kid be but bear in mind that only your family will suffer the consequences of the result of the union.Tell your daughter about the woman's past,if she insist don't attend the wedding,that woman's kid or grandkids will take that trait,can people advising you want their kids to end up with Anini's child? I rest my case.

Anonymous said...

GOD BLESS YOU JARE,because it takes the grace of God for history not to repeat itself.

Anonymous said...

Why should we die because of the sins of Adam? Life isn't fair,let the guy look elsewhere abeg.

Anonymous said...

It is safer to judge from the past,history likely repeats itself,let people deal with their kind.

Anonymous said...

I hope so too because this thing requires family meeting.

Adetutu Babatunde-Edward said...

When I was in schn I had this Alhaja frnd dat just likes me naturally. She wasn't my type coz I be jaiye-jaiye, she will advice me severally to be less outgoing but all na lie. Well, after sch, we've lost contact and here I am married and do things differently now. Infact to stay out after 7pm na war for me now, I am now so reserved that pple wonder wher the outgoing me is. I want better for my kids so my lifestyle changed. Now imagine if my Alhaja frnd is to see me in future and still decide to judge me with my past, pple change, she's now a mother and trust me she kns beta now. U myt be suurprised.

Cissy said...

Oh! Shut up!!
Are you not judging the poster as well.

IYALAJE OF SDK BLOG said...

My take exactly.... Her daughter deserves to know in case of tomorrow. Whatever her decision is, the outcome will b all hers....I feel posters pain!! I can't myself.

Starjoy said...

I still don't think that the woman has change because for her to have linked them without your knowledge which shows that she is still her old self, but I will suggest that you keep a good watch on the son, study him very well, do underground research on him and commit to God in prayer, you can't tell he might be her destined husband.

Bisolar said...

I don't think the poster handled the issue with wisdom. Why so judgemental. if it was your friend that your son was marrying nko, you will start condemning and judging.
If her son has a good character what's your fear then?
My fear for you is that you have made your friend dislike your daughter because of your judgemental attitude.
What if she genuinely liked your daughter at first and would have treated her well out of love for you but now that she knows what you think of her she won't forgive you or your daughter.
And you are about souring the relationship with her son.
Look, they love each other.

AmmyDiva said...

1million likes... The only lesson I learnt from this chronicle is to never trust a friend with your secrets cos they can't just wait to use it against you. Those bvs encouraging her to tell the kids about the woman's past, I pray someone tells your kids and children in-law about your dirty past. Poster the only monster in law I see here is you. Take your daughter away from this God sent husband and watch her marry a "horseband" with pastors as his parents. This post is just full of judgement. Leave judgement for God ooooooo!!!!!

Asa nwa said...

Madam don't be a bossy mom, allow your daughter make her choice. Your duty is to pray and ask God for his will

Oluchi Emmanuel said...

Controversial queen of this blog you are hilarious.

Serenity said...

Jenny, you're making sense.

Serenity said...

I agree with you blackberry, such persons turns out to be the best for real cos they've seen it all.

Tuesday's Child said...

@queenboss...the insults are uncalled for. Show some respect! Smh

ben said...

Queen and boss, I pity you, you are very stupid, a full disgrace to ur family. Shame on u, ur reward is coming

Anonymous said...

Queen and Boss of Stupidity!!!

Anonymous said...

Best advice here!

Anonymous said...

God answers prayers! I love ur story.

reemah said...

Thou art wise.

reemah said...

Correct!

DonMayor said...

You are very stupid. Yes you are. The poster is not even your age mate. You should be in age bracket with her daughter. Oloriburuku with no home training.

Jasmine said...

Exactly what came to my mind

Anonymous said...

Madam tell ur daughter what u knw and if she insists, leave jare

Anonymous said...

For the woman wanting her son to marry good girl,shows she will not be of any harm to them

Anonymous said...

Mz Anon Can I hug you?? Poster you are a Madam Judgina!! As she was telling you all her secrets, so you were storing it all in your brain so that you can use it against her?? Now you got your opportunity!! Na wa for you ma! Well there are 2 things involved here. You can either allow them get married and watch your daughter enjoy her married life to the fullest or you can disagree, they break up and your daughter marries a pastor's son who beats her everyday... Life is full of choices...

Baby Oku said...

Anonymous spiricoco in your mind the poster is born again or a believer? Being good does not make u a believer...a believer is one who believes the lord ship of the lord Jesus Christ as their personal lord and saviour...nothing here says she is a believer

Anonymous said...

I want to thank every single blog visitor who took time to read my chronicle and advice. I am very grateful for every analysis. I spent quality time reading every, and I mean, every, single comment. I want the best for my daughter and certainly never imagined that I would find myself in such a predicament when marriage time comes calling. I found it difficult to talk to anyone as I didn't want to expose past secrets of a friends' life. It was only here that I could offload everything with minimal risk. I have taken away a lot of good heartfelt sincere advice from here. I appreciate all of you. Thank you so much Stella. I really appreciate this. You've done me well today. Thank you BV's. -Poster.

Anonymous said...

You are a disgrace to womanhood - how dare you insult an elder like that, how dare you? Because you were sired by drunken idiots gives you no right to be disrespectful to an obviously learned elder.
Of course you will hate her; you are a stupid, lesbian, unfaithful and diabolic animal- and I doubt you still have a husband, that is why you are especially pained that the poster mentioned that her friend didn't have one. Loose animal- your type will literally rot physically on earth because of the filth you carry in every fibre of your being. Vulture.


At poster; sorry about the insult ma. Like someone above mentioned, your fears are very valid and I will suggest you come clean to your daughter. Make her promise to not share what you tell her with another and reiterate the fact that she should keep her loyalty to her family by not going to spout everything to this young man. Explain your fears to her and then, leave her to make her decision and try to support.
Personally, I think things are really bad now cos your friend now knows that you don't think her worthy to be an in law- and that is really hurtful, I have to say.
It's such a tough situation to be in but I pray for wisdom for you.

All the best poster.

Anonymous said...

She said from the looks of it, her friend hasn't changed much. It's up there if you re-read the story.

Tessbaby said...

Linda uve lost it. U really should put a hold on it b4 u completely ruin ursef.


Poster yes, ure a li2 judgemental but again when it comes 2 ur child especially when "only" is involved then i shouldnt expect less from u. Know this, its ur mother instinct thats talking now n most times it is 70% accurate. Ure worried cos u care but pls dont 4gt that when a woman is love she hears or believes nothing contrary 2 her emotions.


My advice, allow nature play it out while u seek Gods help tru prayers. (Nor b only against side chick una go dey pray). Dont push it else u loose ur child 2 ur friend n her family. Be soft, tender n above all prayergul. Goodluck.

Musingsofjudgejudyjudy..... said...

I came straight to read your comment! I wasn't disappointed!
Great advice here at Poster, I really couldn't add anything to this....

Anonymous said...

So many runs girls/women on this forum.
Why didn't this woman inform her friend before connecting her son with the lady? She is still her old self. Very manipulative.
She is not to be trusted. She is the kind of mother-inlaw who can bring another woman for his son to sleep with.
I pray for my children not to marry from a morally bankrupt family.

sugarwhip said...

Bless you anon. Plus I don't think it's right for you to tell your girl nd her man about your ffriend's past cos it would still get to her ears that you're talking behind her back, u know how these things get. Ultimately just tell your daughter not to get ahead of herself. She should calm down. She has no reason to hurry , they just met, he's not going anywhere. Ask her to take the time to get to know her bf nd his mother before taking the final leap

Anonymous said...

Even God advised Isreal against marrying from some tribes so are you saying you know more than God and bible also says don't be unevenly yoked with unbelievers.

Danny said...

Wonderful advice.

Danny said...

That you were mischievous in school doesnt mean that everyone else is..imagine asking her to swear to not taking pills..is that how much of a truant you were..my dear not everyone took had a reason take pills like you..there are still very decent people out there..so please dont come here to tell young innocent girls that they are stupid whereas it is you who need help

Danny said...

Yes she knows and it makes thing easier..who knows hot water and still deeps there hand in it..its myopic to ask wat if she dint kno..the thing is this, you do better wen you have a knowledge of something..so because she knows she shouldn't be concerned..common..if that her friend was truly a changed person,she wouldn't have called her friends daughter at her friend's back even to the extent of match making them..my mum will not even tolerate from her good friend and not to talk of a friend with a history..if she could arrange the girl for the son,then believe me she is capable of doing worse..she simply has no respect for the friend..wat level of disrespect is that...its very troubling..if i where the woman,i would talk to my daughter and make her understand my view.it would have been a different thing if both young people met on their own..not thru a manipulative mother

Anonymous said...

My own is why would the friend hook them up behind her back. If the posters daughter didn't tell her she wouldn't have known. I'm not comfortable with it. Honestly. Foundation is very important. If its faulty alota bad stuff will happen. Talking from experience. Poster you owe your daughter the truth. Don't hold anything back.
If my people had told me real story of the man I'm married to ontime I won't be in the mess I'm in right now. It was after I entered I started seeing/hearing things. I feel so much for my children. We are currently separated. I saw/still seeing shege. Kai!
Foundation is very important. Please people should dig deep before going in else........

Anonymous said...

You're wise atheist. 3 different fathers? Smh! Only God knows what those boys must have seen their mother do

brownsugar said...

She def will

Jenny Ekwe said...

Hehehehehe!!!

Miss Kay said...

This one is strong!!

Anonymous said...

Poster, please in no circumstances should you tell your daughter about your friend's past in a bid to make her understand your reluctance, because she will likely tell her boyfriend, she is very much in love and the boyfriend will lose his respect for you. Agree to the marriage and tell your daughter to always let you know whenever her MIL gives her a tough time.

You might be surprised that she will treat your daughter very well because you were her confidant that knew all her secrets, she won't want to offend you.

Anonymous said...

Anon 16:25 your argument is so weak. "Did she create herself" are we talking about a disability here??? The poster has every right to be concerned

Sandra Daniel said...

Best advice so far

Sandra Daniel said...

Best advice

Anonymous said...

Open up to your daughter,your reason n if she insists, fine, give her your blessing.

Anonymous said...

For Christ's sake, can't people make their opinions known without insults to the poster? Please note that you're addressing an elderly woman here.

kuluwa ibrahim said...

Dear Poster, I'm not married neither do I have kids.

I don't like the fact that she went behind your back match making but she might have been ashamed of her past and guess that you would not agree.

For her wanting her son to be with your daughter she remembers you being good and grounded while at school and is guessing your daughter would be the same and would want that for her son. Hence her approach.... please pray and treat such with wisdom. All the best and God bless you and yours.

Anonymous said...

See! I don't even want to know but as a mother who just had a lil baby girl I wouldn't want her to marry into such family. Madam ur daughter isn't just going to marry that man. She's also going to b married into dat family. A family that rejected their son. Omo carry ur daughter and run. Pray to God. A bad family ll smear ur grandchildrens future too. Marriage is not just abt love.that boy ll definitely have personality issues. Trust me on that. They ll unfold after marriage then u ll blame urself. Call ur daughter to order.

Dre said...

This is one smart Bv

Anonymous said...

Don't mind the Olosho

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