Confusion break e bone yeepa!
NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE.
CONFUSED ABOUT WHOM TO MARRY.
Hi Stella, before I get to my story, I must compliment that you are doing a good job. I recently knew about your blog and it has taken over my addiction for the other blog(s). Well done.
However, i noticed you barely advise, please advise me sincerely after reading my story because i need it. Thank you.
Am a girl of 26yr old currently in the states doing my masters. Before i left Nigeria, i was engaged to a guy(we are from same village) . He is 34 years old.
We have been together for 2years now and he's hoping when i get back we get married. A year and half into our relationship j started having doubts, that was even before he proposed.
You see Stella, my family and his are very close, his parents and mine and so when one of my uncle introduced us, i thought i had met the right one. He's handsome enough, tall and clean, am a pretty girl myself tho on the petite side but , light skinned n i know the looks i get from men when i walk pass...I know am pretty but very humble about it.
Problem no 1 is i feel my fiancee thinks am just there, he never really compliments me n he believes he is finer than me....Hmmm, even
If he is, i don't want to get married and Live in the shadow of my husband or be the one always complimenting him. My other problem with my supposed fiancee is this, he still lives with his parents, he's a bit childish and he's too aware that he's a fine guy. I didn't have a problem with his living with his parents until after a year then i started insisting he moves out. Up till today he hasn't moved out, he tells me theres no need since am not in the country and his place of work is close to his parent's house.
Also, he can act too fine i started getting irritated not to mention he has a lot of girlfriends, i have never had reason to think hes cheating but he can't be a saint na. When i was in Nigeria, he lives in Lagos and i in Abuja so we don't c often and when we do, d sex is just there fr me tho i know its great fr him. Stella, am a girl who have been through a lot, molested at a young age, kidnapped, raped at a later age, been in abusive relationships, guys wanted me mainly just for sex and am proud of myself i overcame and am sane.
So stella, you will understand me when i say, i want a man that really sees me n appreciates me for me. My fiancee is very spontaneous during sex, wants to try everything, eager to give me a head and all but i make him slow down, considering all have been through, it takes a lot for me to relax during sex n my partner has to be patient, its not my faultI. Sometimes i feel bad am not allowing him collect enough but he has never complained.
I have to mention he's a nice guy, prayerful and supportive.
The problem is even before i left the country, I wasn't in love anymore, i cared about him but i knew i wanted to slow down on the marriage n all. The whole closeness of our families made me not able to end things. I always felt his parents were trying to marry me for him and he just went with the flow, his mum calls me regularly and all.
I think i just wasn't satisfied with his level of attainment and i started to fall out of love. When I explained to my mum she would tell me he's a great guy and i should mot look at another man. This is how i did the relationship for almost three years we have been dating now.
I recently ended tins making it as amicable as possible telling him he's great but i can't continue with this doubts i have. Its been a month and my family and his have been trying so hard to get us back together. He is ready only if i am.
Nobody really gets my reason for ending things and they make me feel like i made a mistake ending it.
Am already in a relationship with another guy,he's back home n wanted me long before I traveled but i kept turning him down cos i was trying to concentrate on my then relationship n make it work. Hes more mature, lives on his own n believes am beautiful, I believe he sees me . We are planning towards me going home in December for our introduction.
Well, I have hinted to my parents am courting him. My mum
Is the one giving me a tough time saying people from his village are bad, hes from my state o just different LG, she insists i settle with the other guy instead.
Am just confused and scared.
Am I making a mistake ending things with the other guy? Already married people will know better. In short how do you even know who your husband is in this life.
Please i need advise.
*I dont think the problem is the guy you broke up with,the problem is you,your past probably has dealt you a blow that is manifesting in how you handle things....why should he move to his own place if he will be all alone?He probably chose staying there until you come to avoid females wanting to spend the night.
You have insecurity problems my dear,you have problems telling good from bad....deal with your issues first before you make up your mind whom you want....from what you described,the first guy is a good choice and i would chose him over any other because of the family ties you described.
Love is not by force but your case sounds like someone who doesnt know what she wants...
If you no want,abeg release him fone number for others when want here..lol
NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
I'm 24, Yoruba and live in the UK. My boyfriend is 34, Igbo and also in the UK . We just started dating like in June but we've known each other since March 2016.
On Friday , he broke up with me cos I refused him sex twice . He said he can't cope with the kind of conditions i'm giving him and it's better we give it a break and cos he won't like to cheat on me ,Its better for him to date someone else who is ready to give him all what he wants as I'm not ready for a serious relationship . All because I refused him Sex Stella .
I have cried and cried and tired of crying and its not like I don't want to have sex with him , I'm just not ready yet . We've barely started dating just one month
I tried calling him and he isn't picking my calls . Who breaks up cos of sex these days? What am I doing wrong? I only see this on TV.
First time it will ever happen to me . I really love him .
I didn't know I was going to fall in love with him like this but I just thought I should give the relationship a trial and here I am, I have fallen so hard for him Stella .
Please I need advice . Either good or bad . Cuss me out if you want .
What should I do please? Should I call him? My friends told me to leave him , he will come back after having a rethink. I don't know if I can wait any longer
It's been 3 days and I haven't heard anything from him . Help please .
Thank you so much
LET THE BROTHER GO!!!
If you call him,you will agree to have s3x to keep him and if you do that you settle for less and if you settle for less,you will get even less than you settled for....who says he wont break up with you after he opens the cookie jar?
Better than to be heartbroken with your privates intact than my dear.
Let him go...A MAN WHO REALLY WANTS YOU WILL NOT BE AFTER SEX AND THEN BREAK UP BECOS YOU REFUSE HIM.DONT FALL FOR HIS MIND GAMES.