Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Saturday In House Gists...

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Saturday, 20 August 2016

Saturday In House Gists...

I cant stop Laughing...






Small time Ijaw men go jump enter water like fish,  See swimming for Olympics, ZERO medal for Nigeria.

 Igbo man go dey tumble for Atilogwu, see gymnastics for Olympics, no entry.  Hausa man go enter boat dey shout Argungu Fishing Festival, See Rowing at the Olympics, ZERO medal for Nigeria. 

Fulani herdsmen fit shoot arrow from 1km kill anyone wey wan steal dem cow, Olympics reach, make dem go do Archery dem no gree show face.

 Yoruba man will remove clothes, wrist watch and pant to fight at Ojuelegba. See boxing at the Olympics, zero medal. The one wey vex me pass na Warri people.
Warri man go say Warri no dey carry last......wetin Blessing Okagbare, our own Warri girl carry for 100m Olympic finals?
No be last..? I taya 4 Naija sef.

Una well done oooh my people πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚(Copied frm a fellow)


You didnt laugh?
Not my fault!

Someone is about to get 20k if they post an Original funny gist or Joke.
It must be original and funny and agreed by 50percent of the house.

BV Droyalty,mouthy babe,please help me count which gist is the funniest and mail me,we will take it from there....na work i give you sooooo..

Please everyone be alert in case someone lifts a gist or Joke from somewhere,if there is no funny joke,make we leave am play inside here.

Whoever wins will get alert on Monday.


164 comments:

Miss Ess said...

LMAO....

white Berry said...

Okay o, let me think of a pure joke to tell I need the 20k

Anonymous said...

Where is mama nnuku?

starshine said...

My very own Stella. Correct babe

Tush baby said...

I go sleep for this post today. Oya let all the basket mouths roll in

Adadioramma said...

Make I read gist

duchess said...

Very funny but we actually got a medal in rowing courtesy of this igbo lady chi.... #scratches head.Cant recall her name let me quickly check it up.
Yours sdkly dazzlinglizzy

white Berry said...

My own joke:

That was how I went to see one of my ex, on sitting himself and lots of his frnds at his compound, shame nor let me work in just like that so I had to pretend like I was receiving a call, getting close to them, immediately my phone rang, inside my ear drum na I hear am, I nearly open ground enter. From that day if I wanna pretend am receiving a call I don't always fail to switch to silent.

School Life said...

An American lawyer and a Nigerian Guy are
sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer believes that Nigerians are so
dumb that he could put
something over on them easily, So the
lawyer asks if the Nigerian would like to
play a fun game.
The Nigerian is tired and just wants to take
a nap,
so he politely declines and tries to catch a
few winks.
The American lawyer persists, and says that
the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a
question, and
if you don't know the answer, you pay me
only $5;
you ask me one, and if I don't know the
answer, I will pay you $500," he says.
This catches the Nigerian's attention and to
keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the
game.
The lawyer asks the first question. What's
the distance 4rm d Earth to the Moon?
The Nigerian doesn't say a wrd.
He reaches in his pocket pulls out a $5 bill,
and hands it to the
lawyer.
Now, it's the Nigerian's turn.
He asks the lawyer,
"What goes up a hill with three legs, and
comes down with four?"
The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all
references he could find on the Net. He
sends
e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all
to no avail.
After one hour of searching he finally gives
up.
He wakes up the Nigerian and hands him $
500.
The Nigerian pockets the $500 and goes
right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not
knowing the answer.
He wakes the Nigerian up and asks, "Well,
so what goes up a hill with three legs and
comes down with four?"
The Nigerian reaches in his pocket, hands
the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep with $450

white Berry said...

*sighting*

OluVee said...

I had this uncle(may his soul rip) who when we were younger,was an illiterate but always forming like he knows all. He was in the village while we were in city. I've heard so much abt him then n we had 2 beg our dad 2 come allow him spend sometime wit us. Our dad agreed n we were so happy.
My dad called home n he was put in a bus bt given an order 2 wait @ d bus stop(d journey has been calculated n dad knw when he would arrive) so we can pick him up.
But for where,immediately d bus got alerted,he started roaming around thinkin to himsef that lag was same wit d village n askin everyone dt he comes by 'do u knw my brother? pple thought he was mad. He says 'my brother is tall,him name na ifeanyi,we de call am ifa for our village'. That was how he roamed in the whole of oshodi for 2 weeks until his disappearance was broadcasted on tv.

Harrybello Photography, Lagos, 08033304747, 08025587154, 7A94F22A said...

Funny!

almagelado@gmail.com said...

Some years ago when I much younger,I sent to visit a family friend not knowing their dogs were on the loose,immediately I entered the compound the dog started chassing me,I ran as fast as I could, I kept on running without looking back,unknowingly to me the dig has given up the chase,but I kept in running,screamingat the top of my voice,till I collided with an electric poll and fell to the ground,crowds already gathered around me cos I have drawn attention to myself like a mad girl,I didn't just drew attention to myself by shouting alone,the reason why they were looking was that on that fateful day I was not wearing pant so as I fell my legs was wide open so my VJ was on display

Peretei Eddy said...

This is my joke sha, and I nor want hear say the ego nor drop oooh.

One day, a friend of mine( an hustler) he was trikking to work with gari in his bag because Buhari government don change everything. So he met this Queen just like our own Stella here, he stopped her,and started telling her all kind of sweet sweet things, that he will buy her motor, and take her abroad if she agreed to date him, but unfortunately the girl nor gree,so why em dey try stop her by force, the gari wey em bin carry for bag start dey drop for ground, nah em my guy shout, ewoooo, who set me up like this? So my enemies don find me come here too?

Ashley clothings and fashion accessories Limited.call or WhatsApp me on 09056688283 for you quality lace fabrics, human hairs,jewellery and Beauty products. said...

Hahahaha.....so funny!

Anonymous said...

I went to visit an uncle and His family on tuesday (I no longer stay in d same city and came to do stuffs in dat city, so decided to check on them). When it was time 2 leave, dey tried pasuading me to stay, but I politely turned it down & told dem Wil be traveling 1st tin d next morning(bcos I didn't want to pass d night oo). So D next day wednesday evening, my uncle called if I had reached my destination and I said yes. He said tank God for journey mercies, we exchanged pleasantires & he hung up. My people, lo and behold thursday mornin as I was heading somewhere, I sighted His son alighting from a vehicle just imfront of me. I was so surprised and bent my head inside d bus where I was. And I was saying 'Thank God he didn't see me'. Minutes later, I raised my head up and saw him walking farther away from our vehicle. I heaved a sigh of relief. Shortly after, it was time to also alight from our vehicle and dey were calling my bus stop, though meters away (but cos of traffic) from d junction. Instead of me to join odas and come down, I decided to wait for dem to drop me at the exact bus stop. As soon as dey got to d junction & were picking new passengers, jumped down. At dat same moment, dis same boy. I don't know where and how he came der. Tapped me on d shoulders and said Aunty goodmornin. When I saw him, I lost my speech & started stammering. I only heard myself saying 'God bless u' repeatedly. He den entered d vehicle I just came down from, I was so confused dat I didn't even remember to pay for him.

Anonymous said...

Jesu,bwahahahahaha,LMAO

Tush baby said...

Lolz

Senior People said...

BlackBerry,Stella didn't say Chronicles,But jokes...hiaaaaanπŸ‘‡πŸ½πŸ‘‡πŸ½πŸ‘‡πŸ½πŸ‘‡πŸ½

Pipi Lee said...

Lol...funny but not original

Tush baby said...

Copy copy

Tush baby said...

πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜‚ that man na correct clown

Tush baby said...

πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜ lwkm

Anonymous said...

This happened some years back when I was a teacher in a nursery school, I kept a 50naira on the table,later I noticed it was missing,as I was asking my pupils who took d money,one of them was holding the money and was walking towards me,I sreamed and said so u took my money,he said no aunty bi bo it,I said what is bi bo it,he kept crying bi bo it,because I wanted to flog him,it was later I discovered he was trying to tell me breeze blew it.I laughed and felt pity for he was only 3yrs old.

bimbola said...

So I have this lagos big girl friend that invited me to a wedding 2years ago, she said I should pls come and bring my friends along too that the bride no get plenty friends so the place go full well well, I asked where and she said Magodo and I said no problem, told another of my friend that there is one big wedding ooo as kpe na inside Magodo say make we dress to kill whether we go jam our husband dere, the day come na so me nd my friend wear our best cloth or we no even chop for house coz we wan reserve our belle for food wey we go chop dere.....as we dey go wey we wan enter bike the bike man say he no dey reach the area say e get special okada wey do go that side for Magodo Choi see me telling my friend say Oya e go be one big estate be that, na so we dey go oooo we dey see fine fine house, small time we no see fine houses again we come dey see river na so we enter one ground like dis we dey sloppy ooo, we sha drop from the okada na so we see one big place wey dem dey wed we go sit down na when I see the bride I knw say na wrong venue coz na ibo wedding we dey go,na so dem tell us say another wedding dey down we sha go na so we see one house wey dem put two canopy in front ooo and na so I see my friend, Choi I weak so na the Magodo big wedding be this I first comot my Gele, na so we sit ooo after 30 mins dey say make we stand up say na groom parent go sit down dere haaa where we go come sit down now na so we take stand for wedding ooo na so hunger just dey catch us dem no give us food na so we carry ourselves go one shop buy biscuit and pure water chop, after like 2hours the idiot wey invite us sha bring one stupid food dem no even give us spoon na we still go beg for spoon even ordinary pure water sef dem no give us na one man wey don dey see as we dey suffer since sha later give us bottle water as we chop am finish we just carry our bag dey go and na after 5 and husband never come sef ...since den I no dey go wedding wey I no shabi the bride ooo

bimbola said...

So I have this lagos big girl friend that invited me to a wedding 2years ago, she said I should pls come and bring my friends along too that the bride no get plenty friends so the place go full well well, I asked where and she said Magodo and I said no problem, told another of my friend that there is one big wedding ooo as kpe na inside Magodo say make we dress to kill whether we go jam our husband dere, the day come na so me nd my friend wear our best cloth or we no even chop for house coz we wan reserve our belle for food wey we go chop dere.....as we dey go wey we wan enter bike the bike man say he no dey reach the area say e get special okada wey do go that side for Magodo Choi see me telling my friend say Oya e go be one big estate be that, na so we dey go oooo we dey see fine fine house, small time we no see fine houses again we come dey see river na so we enter one ground like dis we dey sloppy ooo, we sha drop from the okada na so we see one big place wey dem dey wed we go sit down na when I see the bride I knw say na wrong venue coz na ibo wedding we dey go,na so dem tell us say another wedding dey down we sha go na so we see one house wey dem put two canopy in front ooo and na so I see my friend, Choi I weak so na the Magodo big wedding be this I first comot my Gele, na so we sit ooo after 30 mins dey say make we stand up say na groom parent go sit down dere haaa where we go come sit down now na so we take stand for wedding ooo na so hunger just dey catch us dem no give us food na so we carry ourselves go one shop buy biscuit and pure water chop, after like 2hours the idiot wey invite us sha bring one stupid food dem no even give us spoon na we still go beg for spoon even ordinary pure water sef dem no give us na one man wey don dey see as we dey suffer since sha later give us bottle water as we chop am finish we just carry our bag dey go and na after 5 and husband never come sef ...since den I no dey go wedding wey I no shabi the bride ooo

Anonymous said...

I am just forcing myself to smile,bikonu I need a job,I reside in abuja

sugary said...

Hmmmmm, This gist happened over a year ago during my NYSC.
it was a cool friday evening during NCCF weekly fasting and prayer programme in my lodge. i was fasting on this day as usual, after the praise and worship we started the prayer which i led, suddenly i started feeling a rumbling in my stomach, which kind thing be dis na!
i managed to rush the prayer so we could finish early, don't ask me how. now it was time for the closing prayer and we were asked to come together and hold our hands, the prayer was ongoing when i felt the need to release gas.
i predicted the fart will be a soft, silent one but i was wrong because i let out the loudest fart ever, the type that sounds like *paa paa pa* covers face. i felt like entering the ground, although nobody reacted but i felt they knew i was the one and i had to hurriedly entre my room after the prayer and couldn't come out to cook for two hours. hunger wire me that day ehn! but i just had to come out to cook so i can break my fast while i behaved like nothing happened and was even cheerful.
End of gist.

James said...

ROTFL

Becky's Diary said...

Una doh oo

James said...

LOL Hilarious

Fire cracker said...

*yawns*

Ranza heavenly said...

A boss said to his secretary I want to have sex with you I will make it very fast. I will throw 30,000naira on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I will be done.
She thought for a moment, then called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend then said to her,do it, but ask for 50,000 instead,pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undress. So she agrees..

Half an hour went by, and the boyfriend decided to call the girlfriend he asks, what happened? She responded, "the bastard used 50 naira notes instead.i'm still picking and he is still fucking" lol

I hope I made someone laugh,i hope I win the 20k it would make a difference in my life. I'm an old time bv,but yet to get an id

Shyla said...

Chai. 20k for this harsh economy na real gold oh. Too bad I need money but my papa and grandma wey for tell me sweet jokes no get network where they are. RIP

Anonymous said...

So one evening i was on my way from PH to warri, i sat close to one gal and we were gisting and gisting one car just over take us and i wwas sitting close to the window, the little boy in the car was so fat that he occupied the whole sit immediately the car just passed our bus we were both laughing at the boy and we said see as he fat like fool this small pickin and he just looked at me and i was still laughing, i got home that day and i told my mum everything that happened,can you imagine that boy was coming over to our place i just saw them outside of our house parked *jesus* i almost died and i told my mum everything, i went inside changed my cloth remove my makeup and cap, immediately my mum just said look at the boy yoy say you saw and i said no o na another person

kadybia said...

Lmao

ololade Salaudeen said...

ok na. About a lecturer in my school, all student that are new to the department always like him Buh reverse is the case for stalites. so na while we were still fresh we loved this man, why? he uses his one hour class to tell us stories, he told us about his children. grandchildren, wife, everything possible. 7a.m lecture u enter hall u go dey ear sth like 'in 1984 when I was in mecca.....blah blah blah .. then two mins to the end of his lecture he go write one eqn on the board and leave class. na so exam time come... Chai if u see exam question! na automatic hatred oooo, come second semester anytym the man wan start story na so we go dey grumble. he go just cool make we grumble then continue his story ... 'In 1674 when my first born gain admission....abeg who ask him?

Emeka Okpara said...

Hi Stella, i don't have any original joke presently, but would you kindly appoint me editor of this 20k joke competition? The grammar on this comment section is an entirely different joke!#RunsIntoSambisa

Unbeatable said...

I went to visit an uncle and His family on tuesday (I no longer stay in d same city and came to do stuffs in dat city, so decided to check on them). When it was time 2 leave, dey tried pasuading me to stay, but I politely turned it down & told dem Wil be traveling 1st tin d next morning(bcos I didn't want to pass d night oo). So D next day wednesday evening, my uncle called if I had reached my destination and I said yes. He said tank God for journey mercies, we exchanged pleasantires & he hung up. My people, lo and behold thursday mornin as I was heading somewhere, I sighted His son alighting from a vehicle just imfront of me. I was so surprised and bent my head inside d bus where I was. And I was saying 'Thank God he didn't see me'. Minutes later, I raised my head up and saw him walking farther away from our vehicle. I heaved a sigh of relief. Shortly after, it was time to also alight from our vehicle and dey were calling my bus stop, though meters away (but cos of traffic) from d junction. Instead of me to join odas and come down, I decided to wait for dem to drop me at the exact bus stop. As soon as dey got to d junction & were picking new passengers, jumped down. At dat same moment, dis same boy. I don't know where and how he came der. Tapped me on d shoulders and said Aunty goodmornin. When I saw him, I lost my speech & started stammering. I only heard myself saying 'God bless u' repeatedly. He den entered d vehicle I just came down from, I was so confused dat I didn't even remember to pay for him.

Sandra Omoike said...

Dry gist...

queen hadassah said...

Hope u guys enjoy my gist

This happened many years ago when my uncle recently married his very light skinned and beautiful wife. A few months after my aunt who lives in the UK visited Nigeria, we were all in the east at that time. This my aunt and my mum like prayer and deliverance churches, so they decided to take this my uncle's new wife to one deliverance church they heard about( that was also my mum and aunt's first time of going there).

So when we arrived(I tagged along) at the church, the prayer warriors put my mom, aunt, my uncle's new wife and I in the Centre and began to pray and speak in tongues. My mom, aunt , my uncle's wife and I didn't eat before going to the church that day. So as the prayer was going on, they started with my mom who is light skinned but not as light as my uncle's wife, the pastor placed his hand on my mom and started pushing her, bending her neck, turning her around but she didn't fall, the pastor spinned her the more, because my mom was hungry plus d spinning, she felt dizzy and in order for her to make the pastor stop she fell to the ground deliberately. In the pastor's mind he had delivered my mom...smh.
Then it got to my uncle's wife's turn who is very Fair in complexion. Immediately they started to pray for her, the pastor screamed 'ogbanje ogbanje'. My uncle's wife got angry, she started shouting at them, that they shouldn't touch her or come near her, that any time these pastors see a fair, tall and beautiful lady they will call the person ogbanje. She was ready to fight them(I don't know if she was manifesting or not..lol). The whole thing turned to fight, she was shouting at them, my mom, aunt and I had to stop praying to watch the drama unfold..whenever they want to come near her she will shout at them and tell them to look for another work instead of calling fair ladies ogbanje, meanwhile the pastors were still praying, the drama was so funny that my mom and I didn't know when we started laughing, When she couldn't take it anymore, she shouted at my aunt and mom that she was leaving and that they should never bring her there again. We quickly left the pastors and followed her. All through the journey home we were just laughing. Thank God they didn't pray specially for me cause I'm even lighter than my uncle's wife..lol.

celynkay said...

HahahahahaHahahahhahahahah hahahahahaHahahahhahahahah hehehehehehe hehehehehehe,
This is really funny. Am still laughing. Nothing actually, even the Nigerian man doesn't know the answer either. Good one, lol.

Fome Ekere said...

This happened in 2002, My friends grandma came to visit them in Lagos and on their way back from church one sunday my friends mum told the dad she needed some cash to run the home, the dad parked the car and went to use ATM, the grandma was pleasantly surprised at how her son got money from the box on wall. The next day before the dad left for work the grandma also asked for money, he complained he didn't have enough cash but if he could follow him ti the ATM across the street he will pull out some cash for her, she gladly followed and saw his son get money from the same box and she went home. Later in the evening while the grandma and the baby of the house were taking a walk, she saw someone walk to the ATM to remove money, the grandma quickly pounced on the guy and held the guys shirt asking him to return the money he took from the box, she insisted the money in the box belongs to her son, though people tried explaining to her she did not let go. It caused people to gather and because she so old people had to take extra effort to explain, when you would think she is about to understand ur explanation she will shake her head and say mba O! Call nonso first. It took my friends mum to come and say it's nonso that sent the man for her to let go. Until today they call my friends father "call nonso first"

Jennifer okoye said...

It started like this, it was raining heavily one day in our house and my dad likes putting dirts inside gutter once it starts raining which am against so one day he told my brother to go nd pack our dustbins to be disposed inside the gutter so rain can carry it, so my brother went outside and for like 20mins he is not back.so my mum was like let her go and check him . For like 20mins again my mum didn't come back .everyone got worried and went out to look for them . We went out no show nd the gutter is in front of our house and very big.our fear was maybe the water has carried them , come nd see cry that day.we were crying like babies even my father that was forming James bond was also crying nd lamenting dat if he knew he won't have allowed my my brother to go out dat he has killed his wife nd son.lo nd behold we saw my mum nd brother coming out from another street , that dey were chasing the dustbin that fell into d water when he wanted to pour in the dirts. Till today if I remember that day I will just laugh but it wasn't funny that day.

Coolio (Mama Patience Sister) said...

So, Ibe had this gigantic Labrador that was always Locked up in a strongly built cage. Each time I passed by to enter ibe's house with my "I ain't scared of dogs" attitude, the dog makes this most scary thunder rumbling "urrrgrrr" sound that comes from deep down its chest while my tiny self will start insulting the dog in my language in order to retain the "small but mighty impression" that I was known for. Until one fateful judgement day, I stood at my usual corner and noticed the animal's discomfort, I didn't care coz I was so certain the Labrador can't come out of its cage. The dog couldn't hold the pee any longer since it wasn't trained to pee in its cage, it unlocked its latch and stepped out in its brooding form, hopped pass and went to relieve itself. Me now, I was transfixed on that spot, died there, peed on myself and didn't know when the dog went back in and shut its door. That was when I realised I had been fooling myself since, and this dog would have made a meal of me if it wanted to all this while. I still can't remember how I was resurrected and how I left the compound. Since then, anytime I go to Ibe's house, I greet the gate man, sincerely greet the dog, almost bowing, then with utmost respect I walk past it to the house.

Rhoda Rex said...

Lol. Nice one

Coolio (Mama Patience Sister) said...

So, Ibe had this gigantic Labrador that was always Locked up in a strongly built cage. Each time I passed by to enter ibe's house with my "I ain't scared of dogs" attitude, the dog makes this most scary thunder rumbling "urrrgrrr" sound that comes from deep down its chest while my tiny self will start insulting the dog in my language in order to retain the "small but mighty impression" that I was known for. Until one fateful judgement day, I stood at my usual corner and noticed the animal's discomfort, I didn't care coz I was so certain the Labrador can't come out of its cage. The dog couldn't hold the pee any longer since it wasn't trained to pee in its cage, it unlocked its latch and stepped out in its brooding form, hopped pass and went to relieve itself. Me now, I was transfixed on that spot, died there, peed on myself and didn't know when the dog went back in and shut its door. That was when I realised I had been fooling myself since, and this dog would have made a meal of me if it wanted to all this while. I still can't remember how I was resurrected and how I left the compound. Since then, anytime I go to Ibe's house, I greet the gate man, sincerely greet the dog, almost bowing, then with utmost respect I walk past it to the house.

Wait for it said...

So I went to visit a guy friend in town, and before going, I went to my friends house to eat, she made beans, I ate the beans a lot !! Before getting to town(it takes an hour to get to town) my stomach was already paining me, so I just made up my mind that I am going to use the rest room as soon as I go there, so I did...
Oga went out and bought me shawarma( I don't care if I got the spelling right or not) it was d sweetest, so oga was watching cnn ooo, I slept off, then something woke me up , when I turned I saw oga fanning himself, witH sleepy eyes I thought they took light, so I slept back, woke up at about 4am I didn't see oga, so I slept..
Good morning, good morning.
Me= how was your night
Oga = you almost killed me
Me = how?
Oga = what did you eat last night
Me =nothing o
Oga =you almost killed me with mess, you did the first one I tot you will stop, I stayed
You did the second one, I said let me start practicing this for better or for worse thing
You did the third one, then I said to my self thank God we haven't said till death do us part, I had to run to save my life before we actually take the vow
Me = I was speechless till I started laughing so hard



Wait please was that a hint for marriage? I just tot about it now!!

Maxwell Morrison said...

There's this wicked and proud teacher in my secondary school back in those days she used to brag about how expensive her wears are and so many people she has taught and they are now doing well meanwhile she was just 3o or so
On this fateful day she gave us assignment and we all made mistake and she decided to flog us
I was very tiny then and I dey fear cane wella
I started praying that she would forget for where?
She started giving us hot lashes oh even one of our teachers came to beg she no gree
As she was beating us wai wai wai na so her bra strap fall for ground
We no fit cry we no fit laugh we were just dumbfounded
When it got to my turn I was like excuse me ma she shouted don't excuse me turn your back as I opened my mouth to explain hot stroke land for my back
I just shouted your bra strap is in the floor that's what I wamted to say
She just froze hurriedly packed her books and left the class she didn't teach u till the end of that term
Even for assembly she wee just perch one corner
We now nicknamed her Mariam apa bra

celynkay said...

Your wife remove your charger from your phone which has 12% battery power remaining . Then she plugs it in her phone which is 78% full. Then she starts using your own 12% phone to play candy crush.... Is that
A: love
B: wickedness
C: witchcraft

#Makeenobelikesayinofollow#

Mao Akuh said...

Thinking

Gentle Joe said...

*Carrots!

*A rabbit enter into a shop and asked:

_"Do you have Carrots ?"
*They said no we don't have.

*The following day he asked again:
_"Do you have Carrots ?"_
*They replied:
_" We said we don't have carrots if u come back again asking we will take a hammer and nails and hit you on your head".

*The third day he came again and Asked "Do you have a Hammer?_
They said NO.

He said:
_"What about nails?
They said NO.

Then he said:
_"What about Carrots?"
������

Don't let the devil scare you he doesn't have anything,

Just pursue your dreams

Happy weekend !!!

tunsha said...

I remember when I was pregnant, i was in my shop jejely, wasn't expecting any1 @ that moment, i felt like farthing, so i let it out, it was so stinky, i had to pray that no one will enter the shop for the next 20mins,but e be like say God wan catch me that day, almost immediately, 3 ladies and a guy just entered my shop together, i was so ashamed of my self eh! Hhhmmm that was how the started saying what is smelling here na, i just kept quiet and was just looking like zombie, na so the dry looking babe just looked at me directly and said "madam what exactly is smelling here na" i just lied and said 'sorry jare na my pikin mess", one of the babes just started foming "looking for the pikin wey mess" the next thing was madam where the pikin wey mess, at this point shame don kill me finish, i didn't even know when i pointed to my baby bumb... All of them just chorused "madam"... And we all busted out laughing (e just be like say make ground open swallow me)... Anyway i apologized seriously and blamed it on the pregnancy hormones, they were cool about it and forgave me, bought what they wanted and left, ever since then when I want to fart i go outside the shop to do that.. Lolz (tunsha26@gmail.com)

Marilyn Monroe said...

Mtcheeeww
Try harder next time.

Chidinma Gift said...

Don't know if this is funny but make una pick am me need that money!
So i went to my aunt's house, is a went into their hospital to get a drug for my grandmother na so i say make i kuku just check my weight o as my body don dey heavy me. Na so i climb the scale heard my little cousin footsteps and just rushed make she no come see wetin i dey weigh because that girl is so naughty.
I climbed and came down sharp sharp saw what i was weighing and freezed oo, thinking the numbers will just disappear once i climbed down.,next thing my cousin rushed and the stuff was still there saw it and shouted Jesus!!! Auntie Chidinma you are too fat ooo, and people full the hospital because it was the dad consulting day, i was so embarrassed ehhh people come dey laugh me na so i waka go my house jeje..
So i wan win this money start gym ooo

Anonymous said...

Couple of years ago, I went to visit my uncle in enugu for the very first time. I got to his house everything was cool and nice. My uncle is a lover of dolls, animal dolls ooo. One fateful sunday evening a prophet came visiting, with his white robe n long beards with a 4 feet white staff in his hand. Well I do sleep in the parlour, cos its a room and parlour self contain apartment. See as my uncle jump up to receive the prophet, I felt unconcerned cos he is just a mere man like myself. The thunderous shout my uncle gave me made me stand up by force the greet good evening sir. My uncle is an addict wen it comes to these prophets, probably that's why he is still poor. Anyway na so the prophet begin display without affirming our greetings. He was screaming and calling names of angels, my uncle knelt down shaking like a reed. Then the prophet said evil spirit has entered the house, that one make me fear ooo, na so him start to d hit d chair, table, tv, they shout get out of this house, get out. By mistake him come hit one of my uncle animal stuffed doll, immediately he did, light came on the doll and the doll said hello may I help u, see as d prophet throw way stick, jump go near door de shout jesus jesus. My uncle had to calm him and explain dat there's a battery in d doll and it has bin programmed to make such statement. To cover his ignorance n shame d prophet say d doll must b burnt say na wetin d evil spirit like to play with. My jaw just dropped. Richie

ify onyekwelu said...

HaaahaaahaaahaaaHaaahaaahaaahaaa! !!!!
Chai! I'm laughing very hard ooo! This is it meeeeh!

ify onyekwelu said...

HaaahaaahaaahaaaHaaahaaahaaahaaa!! Ooo boy! Sowie! I can relate because I am not a great fan of dogs.

Chidinma Gift said...

Na so one of my friend tell me say im dey direct movies oo, i came back told my little siblings and we were busy fantasizing about being actresses unknown to us that my dad in his room heard what we were discussing, next thing he jumped out and said biko as i don retire if they need dibia, drunkard, onowu make we call am too o.
We laughed so hard ehh, geez, no be even igwe oo

ify onyekwelu said...

Mmmmm!
Real set up

tunsha said...

I remember when I was pregnant, i was in my shop jejely, wasn't expecting any1 @ that moment, i felt like farthing, so i let it out, it was so stinky, i had to pray that no one will enter the shop for the next 20mins,but e be like say God wan catch me that day, almost immediately, 3 ladies and a guy just entered my shop together, i was so ashamed of my self eh! Hhhmmm that was how the started saying what is smelling here na, i just kept quiet and was just looking like zombie, na so the dry looking babe just looked at me directly and said "madam what exactly is smelling here na" i just lied and said 'sorry jare na my pikin mess", one of the babes just started foming "looking for the pikin wey mess" the next thing was madam where the pikin wey mess, at this point shame don kill me finish, i didn't even know when i pointed to my baby bumb... All of them just chorused "madam"... And we all busted out laughing (e just be like say make ground open swallow me)... Anyway i apologized seriously and blamed it on the pregnancy hormones, they were cool about it and forgave me, bought what they wanted and left, ever since then when I want to fart i go outside the shop to do that.. Lolz

ify onyekwelu said...

HaaahaaahaaahaaaHaaahaaahaaahaaa!! Fart! Disgracing peeps since time immemorial!

Tush baby said...

Lolz ndi Usa rice

Tush baby said...

Not original

Anonymous said...

So the "Ranza heavenly" dat u used is wat?

Chisom Azubuike said...

I went to a boarding school F.G.C.L Ijanikin to be precise. Sometimes they do show movies at night, tho very very rare. When the movie is over, the girls are allowed to go first, to avoid boys that have evil plan, so on this faithful movie night, as usual the movie was over, the girls were ask to go first, then the boys were standing in the both edges of the wall, then the girls were going out through the middle, as usual i and my useless friends were looking for nyash to touch, as they were passing,Na so one of my friend touch one the girls nyash, immediately the guy just bone face, me was now smiling, the girl now looked at us, my friend was still forming serious, me was smiling, the girl could not tell who touched her nyash. Omo next thing Wey i hear na TA for my cheek,omo i pause for seconds, the slap reset me to my default setting. i looked at my useless friend that touch her nyash,the idoit was laughing, immediately i burst cry, dey cry like mumu, na so the thing create scene, teachers and prefect was now like what happen, i was now like she said i touch her bom bom, i did not touch it o, even the teachers and prefects began to laugh at me. Na so i be like mumu that night. tho i think KARMA caught up on me that night , since then i stop touching girls nyash o

Anonymous said...

Annoy 14:30 aka unbeatable, how market.

Chisom Azubuike said...

I went to a boarding school F.G.C.L Ijanikin to be precise. Sometimes they do show movies at night, tho very very rare. When the movie is over, the girls are allowed to go first, to avoid boys that have evil plan, so on this faithful movie night, as usual the movie was over, the girls were ask to go first, then the boys were standing in the both edges of the wall, then the girls were going out through the middle, as usual i and my useless friends were looking for nyash to touch, as they were passing,Na so one of my friend touch one the girls nyash, immediately the guy just bone face, me was now smiling, the girl now looked at us, my friend was still forming serious, me was smiling, the girl could not tell who touched her nyash. Omo next thing Wey i hear na TA for my cheek,omo i pause for seconds, the slap reset me to my default setting. i looked at my useless friend that touch her nyash,the idoit was laughing, immediately i burst cry, dey cry like mumu, na so the thing create scene, teachers and prefect was now like what happen, i was now like she said i touch her bom bom, i did not touch it o, even the teachers and prefects began to laugh at me. Na so i be like mumu that night. tho i think KARMA caught up on me that night , since then i stop touching girls nyash o

Chris sharon said...

On my first day at secondary school my mum dropped me off and gave me 20naira,I asked what for because I already had food and she was coming to pick me up later and she said incase of incasity I didn't know the meaning and I didn't ask during break someone lost her money so I gave her the 20naira,unfortunately for me my mum was delayed after waiting awhile and seeing most of my classmates leave I decided to follow the remaining ones and trek because they told me we were going through a shortcut I mumulishly followed oo ha we trekked oo and even passed odo iya laro where we had to pay to cross the wooden bridge,all this time my mother had gone to school and met my absence infact she was already running helter skelter when I finally got to the beginning of my street everybody that saw me was just shouting so by the time I got home my mum was already outside waiting for me, I started crying because I was tired, hungry and with the look on her face "dead",I explained and she said I gave you money incase of incasity u don't know the meaning u no ask u go do good samaritan make ur father come back u don die and truly I almost died but for the intervention of our neighbours till date am still teased with it

DOT.COM said...

A Lesbian neighbours at my friends place asked me what i wanted for my Birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch.''

memmie said...

Chai

Anonymous said...

Hehehehe lwkmd

Peretei Eddy said...

A friend of mine decided to join Security job after 3 years of graduation, and he had this girl that he is madly in love with, but unfortunately he can't open up to the girl of his nature of Job. He kept telling her he works with MTN Nigeria, unknowing to her that my guy is just a gate man. So on one fateful day, the girl MTN Sim was blocked so she decided to visit MTN office to unlock it, so when she got to the gate, she saw her guy on a security Uniform, and she shouted "" Mike,what are you doing with a security Uniform""? Nah my guy laugh, laugh and laugh" do you know his reply was? Babe, am an actor, this is the role I was given to play.

Tetrina said...

Hahahahahahahahahah

Anonymous said...

Enter your comment...I had a romantic date last week Friday to meet up and I was running late. I was to take a bus from cele bus stop to Oshodi when I felt the urge to urinate. Since I had been away from Lagos for sometime, I didnt want to take the risk of KAI officers arresting me for urinating publicly. I decided to get into First bank branch at Cele bustop and take a pee. After much delay at the metal detectors, I got into the bank and to my surprise , I couldnt find where to pee as the banking hall was unusually quite small. By this time, the pressure on my bladder was at 99% and I could feel it wanting to flow out. I thought to myself, "So na so I go piss put for my trousers carry go meet fine babe be this"? The thought of cancelling the date was out of it. Na this romantic date carry me come Lagos from PH and I wont mess it up.
So , with determination to pass this pee, I dashed out of the banking hall after asking a staff where to pee and she ignored me.I went downstairs and started working towards the bark of the bank' building where the generators are located. Because of the urge to ease myself, I didnt hear people calling and screaming to alert me and get my attention, I just zoomed off to the side of the generator, unzipped my trousers and brought out my loiloi and started peeing, only for me to hear a voice from my back half way peeing shouting 'Hands up and turn around u militant".He pointed his gun towards me and tried to shoot but it seems the gun didnt respond. He was scared and shaking, his voice was like one wanting to cry. He used his gun to point where i should move to and started sobbing, and then said, "Oga, we(police) have been calling you since but you ignored and continued moving towards the back of the bank. I would have shot an innocent man . It is not allowed to go to the back of a bank , moreso when you are wearing a suit and with the country in a volatile situation". I replied him with my right hand up and my left hand still holding my P***s saying, " Bros, na only piss i come piss oh, i never even finish. Abeg , make I complete the piss first before you continue". Oga police no know when himself come dey laugh.
From Peter. 5c28253a. * Oga police , if u read SDK, I haven't forgotten the event of that day oh....what of say u shoot me, wetin you for tell people. lol. much love for you though.

SDK Babe (AMAQ COLLECTIONS)..fashion designer at your service..bbm 58DB44B1 said...

Lmao
Ur dad is funny oo

Greenland said...

LMAO

nemenwa said...

Mine may not sound funny but d act was funny. One faithful sunday evening, I was walking down d street in Kaduna. I just got my bb fone then added to my nokia 205. I had both fones in different hands. While walkin, suddenly 2 guys on bike drove passed me and stopped prenting to ask a question. I slowed down, low and behold d guy on d passenger side walked up to be . D next thing I saw was a knife askin me to give up my fone. I was shocuted as in still for some seconds cos it was lik a dream. Suddenly, it dawned on me dat it was reality and dat there was no way I could let go a fone I got in less than 5month. O boy na for gutter I find myself dey run dey scream without looking back. Wen I eventually ran a reasonable distance I turned and behold not a soul behind me...

Anonymous said...

Kikikikikikikikiki the best so fa you made my nit

Christy Odoo said...

I don't know if it's funny but mehhnn I need this 20k for this bubu period

This happened to me and my little sister when we were small... My mom had a provision store,, so we were used to biscuits, sweets, and one choco choco like that... And my mom is the type that knows how much money that is always in her purse,, down to the last coin...
My little sister went and collected ten naira from my mom's purse to buy that choco choco.... She came nd gave me and I mumuishly collected. Longthroat like me didn't ask her how she bough the choco choco.
My mom came back and was looking for her ten naira,,, my sister said she bought choco choco with it and she gave adanne, that's me.... Chaiii!!! Come see beating, my mom finished I and my sister and my mom is d type that shouts when she's flogging us... So that our neighbors won't come to our rescue.. When our neighbors came nd were knocking on the door,, she started shouting that these children have killed her,, while I and my sis were the ones being killed...
Since then, my sis doesn't near her purse without permission.. And me, I controlled my Longthroat.....

I cannot Com and go an kee myself biko...
Hope it's not dry.....

SDK Babe (AMAQ COLLECTIONS)..fashion designer at your service..bbm 58DB44B1 said...

Lol. Sharp rabbit

Greenland said...

This is funniest gist.

patty said...

LOL, This is funny, I am actually in tears.

Precix confectionery. Abeokuta.... 08037758532 said...

Nice

Sharon john said...

So so funny

Precix confectionery. Abeokuta.... 08037758532 said...

Lol

esther ese said...

Stella pls I nid dis 20k badly ooo for my daughter.
Dis is my joke: when I was much younger my mother used to put ogogoro in a cup to sip so we ha children would think it was water (as per wafi na), unknown to my mother, my kid sister stumbled on d cup nd drank a whole lot thinking it was water. Not quite long she staggered to where we were all gathered gisting wit momsie nd started saying "something dey push me". We started laughing before it dawned on momsie she had drank the cupful of ogogoro. Till date we still make jest of ha.


Abeg mk una laff ooo cos I nid d 20k badly.

Miss_Blandish said...

I can't rem the last time I laugh ths hard! U just won ursef 20k....

Miss Kay said...

Personal joke ;so I meet this guy nd we're really cool, we were parked under one tree nd he was saying he was unwell, see me naaa i begin play nurse "relax your head, stretch your body! Do you need drugs? Oya lemme get water "nah I comot for car nd started looking for water, took a while so when I got in I shut the door and my predicament began, my nostrils shut down, My spit dried as my mouth closed sharp sharp,my eyes turned purple, My brain dissolved, say what!!!!!! ND he sat there with innocent face asking for the water when he sprayed every nook and cranny of the car with Nuclear mess .luckily my phone rang I just opened the door and fled..............been in love with my phone till date

Anonymous said...

Hahahaaahaha,this is really funny

Olaide Davies said...

This is nice

Jack Brenda said...

Imagine What Church Will Be Like in 2030 if care is not taken.
Pastor: praise the Lord

Congregation : Hallelujah

Pastor: can we please open our iPad to Exodus 20:1
When you are done kindly switch on your Bluetooth to receive the sermon.
Please have your Debits Card ready as we collect our tithes and offerings...
You all can connect to the church WiFi using password Lord2323

And as for the church Renovation and Donations you are welcome to contribute via Cellphone Banking.

The Holy Atmosphere with be electric as iPads Flicker. Meanwhile.. ANNOUNCEMENT

Church Secretary : This week meetings will be held on various WhatsApp Groups so please Don't miss out.

Wednesday Bible study will be held Live on Skype @1900Gmt
By the way you may Follow the Pastor on Twitter for Counselling And don't forget our Weekly Prayers on YouTube..

God Bless Us

Olaide Davies said...

Lol

Jack Brenda said...

Na wetin he dey good at naw. Lol

Anonymous said...

Ehyaaaa

Jack Brenda said...

Hahaha. The rabbit get sense

Jack Brenda said...

Hahaha. You for no tell her lol

Anonymous said...

ROTFL

ify onyekwelu said...

HaaahaaahaaahaaaHaaahaaahaaahaaa!!!! Crazzzzy!
End time practicals for better for worse!!

I am the queen and the boss of this blog said...

Hahahahahaha...
But there is no ATM in 2002...
Funny joke though...

ify onyekwelu said...

HaaahaaahaaahaaaHaaahaaahaaahaaa!!!! Oooooboy!!! You be character I tell thee.

ify onyekwelu said...

HaaahaaahaaahaaaHaaahaaahaaahaaa Haahaahahhhahahah!!!! This cracked me up big time!!!
End time actor!!!

ify onyekwelu said...

Lol!!!! Karma indeed.

I am the queen and the boss of this blog said...

Hahahahaha...

Anonymous said...

one thing is consistent with the jokes bad English. Smh.

Anonymous said...

So when we were younger, there was this really cute and cool guy that used to come look for my elder sister. Anytime he shows up, see me hanging around and trying to catch his attention while my sister will just be trying to discharge me, lol. So this faithful evening, they were chilling outside with me being a pest and refusing to give them privacy when I suddenly felt the urge to fart! Chai, See gobe! I wondered how to leave there codedly but it was too close to the surface. I then decided to adjust my bum to ease the passage of the fart so at least it would be quite but when the gods want to disgrace a person... The next thing I heard was a very loud burst of air that sent the guy scurrying to safety! My sister just started laughing,! I was so embarrassed and denied it was me who farted, only made them laugh harder. I left there embarrassed and needless to say that was the last time I showed my face whenever tosin(guy) was around.

Mrs CJ said...

Lwkm @ Ifa
For real?

Mrs Kennedy said...

Hahahahahahaha... You've killed me oooo

Ehi Human hairs and handmade wigs London said...

Richie your joke us too funny can't stop laughing.

Anonymous said...

I am a children teacher . One beautiful Sunday I went to church and during the prayer session one of the big mummy in the children church told the children to pray and ask God to bless their parents and provide a car for them. The children closed their eyes and started praying next thing a child raised her hand and started shouting mummy mummy the mummy asked her what was the issue then she replied and said mummy but my daddy already have a car. The mummy told her good that she should ask God to bless him with an aeroplane she quickly closed her eyes and started praying father bless my daddy with an aeroplane. Kids lol, when it was time for the word our big mummy said the children were going to do a revision and quiz of everything they've learnt so far and anyone who answered correctly will be given biscuit. They were separated boys and girls . Mummy asked the boys which river was Jesus baptized a little boy stood up and was shouting mummy mummy I know the answer and he was asked to come out and say it. He walked out like someone who was about to win Nobel prize ( biscuit) He said imo river ( imo river is the river in oyigbo, along the express way rivers state) he refused to go back to his seat till he was given biscuit for his wrong answer. So the next question was thrown to the girls which they answered. The boys were asked who announced to Mary that she was going to give birth to a boy before our mummy could finish the question a boy ran out to the altar and said marymagdalene. The girls were asked who was the king in the bible that refused to let the children of Israelites go. A girl said king Aaron. Our mummy was so surprised and she asked them if you're walking along the road and see money on the ground and you're very hungry what are you supposed to do as a child of God. Some said leave it while some said pick it and return to the owner. A boy said pick it and thank God for answering his prayers by making a way where there seem to be no way. It was so funny that day we didn't even know the big church was hearing everything. After service our pastor came and asked if the children were only coming to church to eat biscuits, rice n bobo n leaving the word behind. 2291

Anonymous said...

I am a children teacher . One beautiful Sunday I went to church and during the prayer session one of the big mummy in the children church told the children to pray and ask God to bless their parents and provide a car for them. The children closed their eyes and started praying next thing a child raised her hand and started shouting mummy mummy the mummy asked her what was the issue then she replied and said mummy but my daddy already have a car. The mummy told her good that she should ask God to bless him with an aeroplane she quickly closed her eyes and started praying father bless my daddy with an aeroplane. Kids lol, when it was time for the word our big mummy said the children were going to do a revision and quiz of everything they've learnt so far and anyone who answered correctly will be given biscuit. They were separated boys and girls . Mummy asked the boys which river was Jesus baptized a little boy stood up and was shouting mummy mummy I know the answer and he was asked to come out and say it. He walked out like someone who was about to win Nobel prize ( biscuit) He said imo river ( imo river is the river in oyigbo, along the express way rivers state) he refused to go back to his seat till he was given biscuit for his wrong answer. So the next question was thrown to the girls which they answered. The boys were asked who announced to Mary that she was going to give birth to a boy before our mummy could finish the question a boy ran out to the altar and said marymagdalene. The girls were asked who was the king in the bible that refused to let the children of Israelites go. A girl said king Aaron. Our mummy was so surprised and she asked them if you're walking along the road and see money on the ground and you're very hungry what are you supposed to do as a child of God. Some said leave it while some said pick it and return to the owner. A boy said pick it and thank God for answering his prayers by making a way where there seem to be no way. It was so funny that day we didn't even know the big church was hearing everything. After service our pastor came and asked if the children were only coming to church to eat biscuits, rice n bobo n leaving the word behind. 2291

Anonymous said...

I am a children teacher . One beautiful Sunday I went to church and during the prayer session one of the big mummy in the children church told the children to pray and ask God to bless their parents and provide a car for them. The children closed their eyes and started praying next thing a child raised her hand and started shouting mummy mummy the mummy asked her what was the issue then she replied and said mummy but my daddy already have a car. The mummy told her good that she should ask God to bless him with an aeroplane she quickly closed her eyes and started praying father bless my daddy with an aeroplane. Kids lol, when it was time for the word our big mummy said the children were going to do a revision and quiz of everything they've learnt so far and anyone who answered correctly will be given biscuit. They were separated boys and girls . Mummy asked the boys which river was Jesus baptized a little boy stood up and was shouting mummy mummy I know the answer and he was asked to come out and say it. He walked out like someone who was about to win Nobel prize ( biscuit) He said imo river ( imo river is the river in oyigbo, along the express way rivers state) he refused to go back to his seat till he was given biscuit for his wrong answer. So the next question was thrown to the girls which they answered. The boys were asked who announced to Mary that she was going to give birth to a boy before our mummy could finish the question a boy ran out to the altar and said marymagdalene. The girls were asked who was the king in the bible that refused to let the children of Israelites go. A girl said king Aaron. Our mummy was so surprised and she asked them if you're walking along the road and see money on the ground and you're very hungry what are you supposed to do as a child of God. Some said leave it while some said pick it and return to the owner. A boy said pick it and thank God for answering his prayers by making a way where there seem to be no way. It was so funny that day we didn't even know the big church was hearing everything. After service our pastor came and asked if the children were only coming to church to eat biscuits, rice n bobo n leaving the word behind. 2291

Affordable accessories said...

lemme first try this my new i.d mayb it will work

Anonymous said...

Jim ilo on facebook.

Akpos was roaming about the
Lagos international airport.He
saw a wallet on
the road.he picked it up and open
it,he discovered that $5,000 is on it.
He quickly removed it and throw away the
wallet. He turn his car immediately and said
"make i
waka fast before somebody wen
no lost money go be dey claim say him lost
money" .as he was driving
home,he
tune on to wazobia fm radio.there
was a
programme on air.Akpos call the
radio station.
Akpos:hello is that wazobia fm?
Station:yes.wet in happen?
Akpos:i see $5,000 for inside
wallet today.
Station:wow! U are a good
samaritan.do
u want to come to our station?
Akpos: no.....i want u to play me
P.Square
music.....eno easy aa...oooo.baba
God na
ur handwork .....

Anonymous said...

I remember the time when i called a lady who owed me money and she didn't pick my calls. I called call 10 times and still no answer.. Then I decided to send her a message -
"Hi madam, I'm not calling for the money issue o, I just wanted to tell you that I just witnessed two girls fighting for your husband in town today, it was a big fight and he was just there watching, and then one of the girls managed to escape and got into his car and they drove away", then l pressed send button.
After some minutes she called and I ignored, she kept calling and I saw 21 missed calls from her and a message which read - "where was the fight, where did they go, did you recognize the girls please tell me, am falling apart." I just read and didn't respond. She calls again 5 times and I don't answer, then another message from her - "I have your money can we meet and you tell me more?" Then I replied, ok you can transfer the money so that I pass by the Oando filling station to refill, then I will pick you and drive to one of the girls' place cause I know them. After 2 minutes, I got a transfer alert message, my money was fully paid. I then switched off my phone and slept like a baby.

Anonymous said...

I remember the time when i called a lady who owed me money and she didn't pick my calls. I called call 10 times and still no answer.. Then I decided to send her a message -
"Hi madam, I'm not calling for the money issue o, I just wanted to tell you that I just witnessed two girls fighting for your husband in town today, it was a big fight and he was just there watching, and then one of the girls managed to escape and got into his car and they drove away", then l pressed send button.
After some minutes she called and I ignored, she kept calling and I saw 21 missed calls from her and a message which read - "where was the fight, where did they go, did you recognize the girls please tell me, am falling apart." I just read and didn't respond. She calls again 5 times and I don't answer, then another message from her - "I have your money can we meet and you tell me more?" Then I replied, ok you can transfer the money so that I pass by the Oando filling station to refill, then I will pick you and drive to one of the girls' place cause I know them. After 2 minutes, I got a transfer alert message, my money was fully paid. I then switched off my phone and slept like a baby.

Affordable accessories said...

alright,so my joke is actually a true life story,It happened years back in Uni,one weekend i decided to cook moimoi,thinking back now,i wonder "who send me".everyone knows how tedious it is to cook moimoi from scratch,so i decided to cook plenty of it so it will be worth the trouble.as i no get fridge na,na so i use moimoi do lunch,dinner and breakfast the next morning which happened to be a monday.immediately i had small free time around noon i went back to my hostel to eat the remaining moimoi. All the while,i had no second thots,i was just enjoying my delicious moimoi,i returned to academic area for my afternoon lectures only for a lecturer to send a message to us that we would b having a test during his class which starts around 3:30pm.
By quarter to 3pm,my tummy started making funny movements and sounds,i was like"whats going on?" i no remember say i chop moimoi o,we were all seriously reading for the impromptu test,by 3pm,this tummy ache from hell started,i rushed down to the walkway toilet(for the first time ever),they were all locked<apparently they lock them by 2pm,i didnt know.mind u my hostel was 15mins trekking from my class,so i figured i will just have to wait o as it was already past 3pm when i started thinking of a plan b,so i returned upstairs.
For where,the thing no gree leave me o,i started sweating profusely,became very uncomfortable,couldnt think straight,checked my time,it was 3:15pm,time seemed to crawl by slowly,eventually i just faced the way to my hostel,even as my friends were calling me,no time to explain.i walked very fast,for where
As i had to pass beside boys hostel,some of them started making cat calls,wondering why i was walking so fast.omo! small time i broke into a race,but the watery moimoi shit was also in a mad rush to get out.Na so i take shit for body o.saving grace was the long skirt i wore,on reaching my hostel i ran straight into the toilet like an athlete sighting the finishing line.i had to throw away my underwear,washed my skirt and wore the wet skirt back to my room before i could change properly.need i say the lecturer didnt show and that was the last time i cooked moimoi in uni.

Jennifer okoye said...

Dis is really funny

Yemi7up said...

This got me laughing. You have my vote.

Auchibabe said...

This guy na student for Such poly.students begin riot scatter everywhere.The boy quickly hid himself under his bed and called his dad
Boy-Daddy students are rioting and destroying the whole school.
Dad- hide inside your room don't go out
Boy- I amnunder the bed.
Dad- why are they rioting?
Boy- they have increased the school fees from 35 k to 150 k
Dad-whaaat! Common come out from under that bed.carry cutlass.kill people.nonsence
Lol

Auchibabe said...

Praise the Lord! I wan thank God for wetin e do for me and my family.As I enter kitchen make I cook egusi na Im I see leaf wey my piling keep for kitchen,dry leaves.I take am cook the egusi na I'm I see say my piling begin do like crass man oo.People say na Igbo.i sayake I run to our June action for badagry go buy my call my sister na so I see myself for ikorodu ooo...I no know how I take Waka reach there.thank God say na all soup I chop.lol
My 2nd testimony be say I go meet pastor make e give me baba ijebu no make I give my liking make e take play baba ijebu.praise the Lord! My pikin win 50 thousand naira.i take 3 thousand take buy Ankara for pastor and I'm wife.Na the Ankara them wear so sit down for altar.Hallelu! Hallelujah

Lol

perfect God said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
NaijaScorpio said...

U wanted to flog a 3 year old? U need Jesus.

Anonymous said...

lol

Datruthsisreal said...

Lolllll

Datruthsisreal said...

Lolll

Anonymous said...

Very nice, I can't wait for that time to come. You kill it joor

Anonymous said...

Kwakwakwakwakwa..... Poor people won't dare to go to church

Anonymous said...

Lol. When did you post this joke? I didn't know that you were that good in cracking joke. Very funny

Anonymous said...

Okwai.. That is what Nigeria churches will really be like in 2030

Anonymous said...

Lmao if person no get money make he or she no bother to go for Sunday service for that church

Anonymous said...

LLwkmd.I heart my country

Anonymous said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This really cracked me up this morning. Not that long but short and nice

Anonymous said...

Some churches in Lagos uses POS to pay tithes and offerings. End time church lol

Anonymous said...

I heart you girl no be lie jhur. You really deserve the money, I woke up sad this morning but now am so flabbergasted and bemused by the way Nigeria will gonna look like in 2030

Anonymous said...

You go fear Nigeria in 2030. Mo'gbe I no go that kind church

Anonymous said...

Chinike. End time church

Anonymous said...

Nice one. Your good to go Brenda....Happy Sunday Bvns/Bvs

Pipi Lee said...

Loooooooollll

Anonymous said...

Chai this kind of church is a no go area. Sign post go say poor people back off. Lol

Anonymous said...

Money is speaking just imagine free WiFi for church nobody go agree to won go house

Pipi Lee said...

Lmao

Anonymous said...

Everybody dey fight for just 20k. E funny sha

Anonymous said...

End time church. Church of Christ

Pipi Lee said...

Lmaoooooooooo...don't know if she was manifesting or not...lmao

Anonymous said...

Nigeria church is improving then. Some churches uses Pos

Pipi Lee said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahha...Nice observation Queen, but the joke is still good.

Pipi Lee said...

Lmao @ sincerely greet the dog, I won't even go back.

Pipi Lee said...

Hahahahahahaha...na better hint be that o

Pipi Lee said...

Lol

Pipi Lee said...

Hahahahahhahahaha

Pipi Lee said...

Not even Igwe or elders...lmao

Anonymous said...

One thing is consistent with you. Bad sense of humor. Live.

Anonymous said...

The thing be like electronics for your house ba?

Anonymous said...

I just want to ask how you graduated with the kid on English you typed here.

Anonymous said...

We should start laughing because you need money ba?

C'mon gerrrout of here with your dry as tobacco rambling. Mtsheww

lovey dinma said...

Hmmmmm sorry such is life

Anonymous said...

Lol...so funny

Jack Brenda said...

Take am easy abeg

Opeyemi said...

Good afternoon Stella & every BV. My gist goes thus... There's this old lady & husband who quarrel a lot. They are my friends parent. My friend told meabout the encounter they had last time, this was how it went down....
During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave.
The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"

Anonymous said...

Friend's parents indeed! Liar oshi

God chic said...

Richie your story is the funniest. when I got to your story, I laughed out loud. I'm gonna copy, paste,then send it to a friend. I hope you win. Its So hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Same person commenting (probably Jack Brenda) from 08:27 to 09:04. Aunty/uncle well done oh!

World People said...

Omg this is the funniest ... I can't stop laughing !!!

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