Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Saturday In House Gists...

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Saturday, September 03, 2016

Saturday In House Gists...

Side eyes....





GIST ONE

My Camp experience

I was in my bedspace after having a cool bath. A relief from ‎almost 24hours trip. What am I evening saying? It's been more than 24 hours jare.

My thoughts drifted to how stressful the last 24 hours have been. The trip, having to carry my box of clothes and provisions on my head‎ following the instructions from soldiers. The long queue of Otondos trying to be the 1st in everything like we are in a competition.

Finally got a mattress after a time that seems like forever. Went to the blocks of building and got myself a good space. 

Foluke my new camp friend finally finished up. We were both dresses like the otondos that we were.

Foluke : Babe you dey smell nice o. Your make up sef is on point.

Me : Thank you dear.

Foluke : what's the name of your perf?

Me : it's a combination of many.

Double up my friend. Carry it with your hand if it's too heavy.

That's oga soldier referring to me. You see, I am a size 10 back to front with figure 8. Though we didn't answer him, that prompted him to shakara us with koboko so we finally ran and they were happy to see my water melons jingle.

We finally got to the parade ground still looking frosh. You know what, all along while on our way we noticed that 1 or 2 flies were disturbing us but we just didn't read meanings to it. The sun was so scrotching that day.

Then the unexpected happened, I was visited by the unexpected visitors. Flies!!!. They came in their hundreds. They lined on my lips‎ like they were also on parade. I was still chasing those when the head and body attackers gave me a 9c chase.

Chai! I was screaming and dancing like 1 masquerade in my village like that. Some were laughing while a few dey pity me. Then the wicked soldier that asked us to double up came with his own advice: he said I should roll on the floor. Somebody pour water on her. Different water bottles started flowing.

Immediately I started rolling and the laughter increased. I finally took the decision of running to my room‎ by then my white had turned to brown

My fellow BV you can imagine what the remaining 2 wks felt like. I later discovered that you don't use perfume in Sokoto because it breeds flies after you


.............................................................................................................


GIST TWO

This Gist happened few years back.. I fear dog pass every other thing.
When I went to Trans-Ekulu Enugu to stay with my Aunt.

As a new-bie in the street; all the guys wants to be my friend But I don't look their way.

Every evening, I would dress on a shot dress and cat-walk from our street to the next one to buy sweet N5. Just to get noticed ... I loved attention then, and The guys always sit under the mango tree at the end of the street.
One day;  as I was cat-walking as usual; i turned back, saw a mighty dog jogging towards my direction.

>>>>>>Fast forward.<<<<<<

*****I found myself been backed properly by a guy, like a mother that is backing her months old baby. Many people were standing by their gates watching. Some were laughing, some were smiling, while some looked surprised and confused*****

How did that happen???

*****When I saw the Dog. I started running, shouting for help on top of my voice and that attracted everybody's attention including my "carrier" who sighted me shouting and running towards them and ran forward to rescue me. I ran to him and maybe climbed his back for safety*****

Waaaaat!!
To make matters worst.. My short, tight gown was thorn into pieces as I was running. There I was at the guy's back showing my nakedness to everyone.

**No dog was even on sight sef**

I quietly asked my"carrier" to pls put me down.. The guy started laughing ooo. Out of anger.. I shouted on top of my voice for him to drop me..
Everybody started laughing out loud.

I jumped down from his back and ran straight home with ten toes.
When I was running home, I saw the mumu dog standing with the owner in front of their gate, maybe laughing at me too...lol

It happened that the Dog didn't even pursue me. He was only walking home. Its two houses away from where I saw him before turning myself to Usain Bolt that they were standing. Which was even far from where I started my run sef..mtchwwww.


I ran home and packed my things and went back to my parents biko.
I didn't even tell my Aunt my reasons.
It was Two days after Av gone home that my Aunt called my mother to take me to church for deliverance because she heard how I acted like a mad girl in their street.

I told my family the true story.

Everybody had a good laugh.



The winner of last week's gist has been credited with 10k today,the other 10k is up for grabs for today and our darling Jmaes will help us pick the winner again either from these two or from the comment section if there is any..

The ''Asao'' story of last week pissed me off and i do not believe the story.
I was really really irritated when i saw a comment this morning asking if she won the money that the itch had increased....Like WTF..ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I am supposed to pay for the consequences of your gbenshing around without protection?You mean you cannot go out there and look for money to treat yourself and you are waiting for the 10k all these while?
I think you should be smart enough to get money for your treatment my dear if your story is true.
Close your legs and reflect on how you want your life to be.....Not Judging you,just pissed with the manner you asked this morning!

10k up for grabs!



77 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. What are you evening saying?what are you morning saying nkor


      Diary Of A Desperate Mrs. (1)

      By 1nigeriangirl


      "Folake,

      When are you coming back from the abroad ni? It's getting to two years o, i miss our Saturday hangouts, this email business gets tiring with time - besides, Jide now has my new password.- this wizard husband of mine. *sigh*

      By the way sef, yesterday i saw him, but he didn't see me. I think I'm getting very good at this business.

      Oh, and before you go all stella on me, and start forming #teamnosnoop, let me just tell you that i was jejely passing ooo, not snooping, in my very beaten toyota corolla - but can you imagine me, after all my undergraduate shakara, driving a beaten toyota that these careful danfo drivers have helped me patch and scratch - but that's by the way sha.

      You know that side we used to buy fish before you relocated, iya sikira's corner? Good! I saw my for-better-or-worse coming out of that place with the skankiest hoe in town - Okay, lemme not lie, she is fine.

      My husband is cheating on me with a fine girl and he took her out for barbecue fish at the same spot we used to go every Sunday evening- Imagine!

      Did i tell you that's where i met him? You know na, you introduced us that day while i was with chief .

      Iya sikira has betrayed me, after almost six years of loyal fish buying from her and she can't refuse to sell to my husband when he's with his side chick? What are friends for sef, ehhn?

      Anyways, he didn't see me, I'm certain of that. The way his hands were all over her sef, I'm surprised he could see road to walk himself to his car. I just jejely took pictures for my cheating husband collection and zoomed off. I mean, with the horrible situation in the country, ain't nobody got fuel to waste, spying on a philanderer.

      Oh, do you know that fuel prices are worse than you can imagine. Yesterday, i bought a litre #250, black market price. Nne, Folake, i saw red o. With this shikini pocket money Jide is giving me, I'll still have to share with these petrol attendants. Na wa o.

      But, why am i bothering myself? In light of my new discovery, I'm definitely getting a new car soonest. How can he be cheating on me for free?

      Mba.

      - Desperate Mrs. "

      #1NigerianGirl

      Delete
    2. Jist 1 had me cracking

      Delete
    3. Yes! Why should that stupid ashawo story win? Nonsense and ingredients, ntooor...I hate prostitutes, next time keep your gist to yourself and let us win.

      Delete
  2. That was how I went to visit one of my man friend years back, this man is an ex- commissioner ohh, after all the caressing from him na him I say make I give am a blow job.... na so I begin pull oga white boxers he was putting on, like the one that pastor that was caught with another man's wife putting on when Stella say whether na baby dapper..... lo and behold me a shit stain on the boxers, it was like an action film on that very scene because we both saw it together, na so oga take shame throw am put for one corner still continue him action but couldn't stay long because it's like the whole thing killed his continence and I wasn't really feeling anything as well. After that very visit, he never called to see me again guess out of shame and na same shit eyes I take they look am up till now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Person husband, hahahahahaa @shit stain.

      Delete
    2. Jane,keep sharing ur tohto to ur ancestor!
      After all the tohto sharing,u are still single.

      Delete
    3. Very funny and stupid joke but God saved you, you didn't end up eating shit

      Delete
    4. This portable girl you don't know how to talk

      Delete
    5. Was that supposed to be continence or confidence?

      Delete
    6. *Countenance sorry for that typing in haste . This story is not just to laugh only or for the money tagged to it but always learn to take care of ourselves properly. That is why it's always good to follow the yoruba style by washing up after toilet.....

      Delete
    7. F*ck..did you just say Yoruba?
      Well,I beg to differ...
      Utoruduankufok---Spits!!

      Delete
    8. HaaahaaahaaahaaaHaaahaaahaaahaaa! See me laughing like a clown! Jane!Jane!!Jane!!! You are crazzzy!
      Both stories put up are very hilarious honestly, but I am voting for the 2nd gist about the dog, the story made my day.
      Funny stories here.

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. My uncle abroad invited my grandma(his mum) to the UK to spend some time with him and also get good treatment for her health. We the grandkids here in Nigeria had the opportunity of 'coaching' grandma for the trip.Grandma doesn't understand English only Yoruba. So we began teaching her a few words.we told her not to wander off as she does here because she would get lost or mistakenly find herself in Jurassic park (she soo hates the movie).Nothing scares grandma as not dying in her motherland or being eaten alive by wild animals!
      So that such won't happen,we told her that whenever she got lost or couldn't find her way in the UK she should tell anyone she sees that she's from NIGERIA.we kept on repeating the word NIGERIA to her till she could pronounce it well.
      Mama eventually traveled, uncle came to pick her at the airport. She was welcomed with a little party at uncle's house.There were a few Whites in attendance. They welcome grandma and greeted her but grandma could not get what they were saying. White man: Hello grandma(with accent)
      Grandma:NIGERIA
      White man:oh yes how's your trip ma'am
      Grandma: NIGERIA
      After a while grandma ate and wanted to poo.she started making faces because she doesn't know how to speak English.
      Uncles wife(a white):grandma what do you want?
      Grandma: NIGERIA
      wife: you wanna go back? but you just barely came.oh jeez I have to call your son.
      Before uncle came grandma pooed in her pants.uncle asked her in Yoruba why she didn't use the toilet,grandma said: awon omo omo mi ni won so wipe ti mio na kegbe Nigeria nibi awon kiniwun ma pa mi je (my grandkids said if I don't scream NIGERIA here lions from Jurassic park will devour me) hehehehe uncle burst out laughing.

      Delete
    2. I hope you are hoping on the 10k o? Because your uncle can send you 50£ and everything will b okay, since he can carry grandma to UK to poo in her pants!!!

      Delete
    3. Kwakwakwakwa at sugar lips...
      Your story is very funny!...
      OMG!...

      Delete
  4. Abeg that ashawo story is fake joo. Infilterating every seg with pitiful stories to get cash.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Last weekend a guy I just met invited me for a date,and I was thinking of what to waer,as all my clothes are old,so I decided to dye one of my black jeans that is already faded,i bought dye,and my jeans came out new and very black,i was impressed with the outcome, I wore a lovely top I bought from yaba, checked myself out from the mirror, and I was impressed with the outcome.my date came to pick me, and he took me to an eatery,just as we r about leaving, the rain started, and the guy is like we should run to where he parked cos we don't know when the rain will stop,we ran and entered his car, both of u were wet.we sha went to his house,a lovely place, and I was already tripping for.this guy,nice apartment, cool cream color sofa,i sat down and the guy offered to dry my cloth, I insisted, after gisting for a while I made to leave, immediately I stood up,the.guy just shouted, wtf is this,lo and behold I have stained his lovely sofa with my dye,I was so embarrassed, and the.guy was so furious. We got.to the car and realised samething has.happened to his car sit as well,omi the rest is better imagined o

    Wink at James. O

    ReplyDelete
  6. #If you can't be thankful for what you have, be thankful for what you've escaped*

    ReplyDelete
  7. This gist happened last weekend in my compound.
    One of my neighbours, Mama Tobi was owing a foodseller some money. Anytime the foodseller comes to ask for her money, the woman will hide and send her kids to tell the foodseller that she was not around. This went on for weeks. So this foodseller decided to come early last Sunday morning when everyone was preparing for church. Lols. She knocked and Mama Tobi's children came out and said she was not around as usual. The food seller seeing that the children were already dressed for church knew mama Tobi was around. She now said she will wait for her to come back. She entered inside their one room apartment and sat down. After 30mins of waiting, she called her son on the phone to bring insecticide for her. The boy brought the insecticide, the foodseller now sprayed the whole room with the RAID insecticide. She was about closing the door on her way out when Mama Tobi jumped out from under the bed coughing lols lols lols... You can imagine the rest of the story...
    Pls beevees vote for my gist.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I vote for your gist Eno
      Had a good laugh. I prey I dont experience this. Lol

      Delete
    2. Kikikikikikikikik I vote you
      Your gist is funny, some debtors though.

      Delete
  8. Mind your grammars3 September 2016 at 15:04

    I love and vote for gist one.This is the first time I would lol.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Stella, I beg consider me for the money this time around o. God go continue to bless you.
    Here goes my gist....

    It was a very beautiful sunday morning and as always i was indecisive on what to wear to church, after ransacking throuh my wardrobe i settled for a black mini skirt and top. By the time i got dressed everybody had left for church, so i had no option but to take a bike to church, my first mistake.
    I was walking and twisting my waist as per sexy girl na on the street trying to get everyone's attention. I stopped a bike and as i mounted it to sit i just heard a sound, wetin happen? I was still standing on the bike so i checked my skirt and wowsa ! my skirt has torn. Damn! I just wither like vegetable. I quickly got down from the bike, held my skirt and ran a marathon back to the house.
    I changed to a native attire and was super late to church but i didn't tell anyone at home what happened.
    Lesson learnt:
    dress to be comfortable, never dress to impress anyone because at the end of the day, 'you are on your own' .

    ReplyDelete
  10. Pls vote with google ids for your votes to be valid. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I vote bv eno's gist from the comment section. Crazee food seller.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why are u voting for ursef upandan with different ids Eno?choose a struggle... You need help, serious one

      Delete
    2. Bv TM, why are you pained? Go and look for votes for your gist and stop crying. If u think it's easy like that, go and open different ids too and start voting for your gist. Infact, I also vote for Eno's gist.

      Delete
  12. Actually shared this before, hopefully it should get many likes today.


    A colleague at work actually shared the story, just felt I share another scheme people use nowadays.
    You sometimes you would have spent your entire salary even mid month never reach. My guy was having N200 as last card having the 100% assurance that when he gets to work mos def we all would raise small cash for him.
    Next morning he entered motor at the park with his last card. A lady was sitting beside him and the fare was al exactly N200, the lady beside him asked bro do u have change? Which was actually normal everyone does that, he handed over the cash to the lady.
    Not long after the bus moved and conductor was asking for his money.
    Naturally he was expecting the lady to pay for them both with a higher denomination. 
    Na so this lady lock up brought out the same N200 I gave her and paid for herself. 
    Ehn what just happened, the lady lock up, he was like madam pay now, the conductor was already harassing the guy, na so the lady begin speak English, are u stupid or something, who the hell are you, you have been looking at my breastfeeding since u enter the bus, u tried speaking to me and later u begged me to pay your bus fee and I said no.... ehn
    Y guy was Dump founded And trust lagosians inside bus na so dem begin chop this guy raw with insults, didn't even give him time to explain, already the conductor was vibrating that next bus stop he go see red eye.
    Na so my guy begin beg this lady oh.. 
    He just snapped I guess, he grabbed the lady's hair and dug his teeth on her breast and began to bite say make the lady confess, na so she begin shout, people have go start punching this guy make he release his teeth from the lady bobi oh.. 
    Na so the woman begin confess say na tru, na tru abeg I collect him money, abeg abeg my breast...
    The guy practically almost chop off the nipple.
    Na so my guy leave the bobi oh, passengers begin lash the woman, say as she fine reach na so she dey do. 
    As my guy come office that day, carry the woman wig follow as trophy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Malumi, what a stoopid lie. U just posted thrash! Mtchew. Wasted a whole minute of my life

      Delete
    2. The language usage sef na wa.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous 17:02 Cowards generally are always easy to identify.
      Lie or no lie all is for the fun, if u hadn't digested would have said go hug transformer.

      Anonymous 19:21 thank u for reading... the most important was you read, digested and understood the message.

      Delete
  13. Oya Miss Aboki bluntly blunt come and post your dry gists
    Yeye girl

    ReplyDelete
  14. I honestly wish I have blog friends in times like this. I will beg them to vote for my gist with there I'ds. And settle them with rcharge card if I win. I really need the money, it is well.

    ReplyDelete
  15. this happened to me last week Sunday. as the youngest in my choir group, I always ran away from getting the lead role. on that faithful Sunday oo, the choir master made it compulsory for me to take the praise nd worship. I tried running buh my elder sis say lie lie. I said ok na make I just try say pple wey dey do am no get two heads. so as the D day reach na, I don press cloth, arrange my self wella. I carry mic start oo, with my long gown oo with the high heels I dey flow naso I wan add effizy my shoe come hook my cloth naso so I fall yakata for ground, shame no gree me stand up. naso ushers come carry me comot for alter,chai I was so embarrased. even till now dey still dey laugh me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your story is really funny . Hope you win. Story sharerers are not smiling .

      Delete
    2. It's fateful and not faithful.

      Delete
  16. 'Beevee' Eno your gist is very funny, I vote for you jari, you even delivered it well.

    ReplyDelete
  17. This gist is very funny hahahahah
    Eno's gist is the winner.

    ReplyDelete
  18. let me try if.my post will show today



    short story

    fee weeks back,i was on my way to ketu,when i got to ikorodu garage,i noticed few guys looking at me whispering"smh"....but as someone who hardly talks to strangerd,i ignored them thinking na them sabi,them never see fine girl before,lol,i kept bouncing,then i got into the bus going ro ketu,i still didnt notice a thing,only for me to come down and a lady tapped me and whispered *your trouser your trouser,i was like kini,she just said the back,i turned to check and was like oh my God,it had split opened at the back,my ass was out.but i didnt feel it because my pant was hard and big(mommas type)....i had to run to get a scarf....thank God it wasnt a g string or torn pant..,halleluyah

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hohohohohoh
    Eno your gist got me rotf
    I vote your gist

    ReplyDelete
  20. Eno I love your gist. You are the winner

    ReplyDelete
  21. This is another means of collecting 'igbese' from bad debtors hehehehehehe
    Mama Tobi's gist from the comments wins this. Bv Eno's gist is the winner.

    ReplyDelete
  22. @TM, the fact that you don't have people that can vote for you is 'paining' you well well. Go and pray for favour and start making friends...

    ReplyDelete
  23. You got my vote Eno
    I like your story

    ReplyDelete
  24. Eno's gist is very interesting, I vote you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eno went n opened plenty blog ID cos of 10k. Kikikiki

      Delete
    2. Anon, u must be a newbie here to think they are all new ids. Pls do urself a favour by clicking on each of the ids that voted for eno and note down the dates they came on blogger.

      Delete
  25. Illegal Driving.

    this happened when i was in ss3 in 2007. Then my dad just bought a car, and as a 'bigger boy' we always come to school and show off, driving a car was an addition to your swag. I've always loved driving but at that time. i wasnt allowed to drive o. The car was an automatic car and so driving was easy, infact that really made me not to learn how to drive manual.

    So then, due to the insecurity in our area, we do park the car in an estate closer to us (Iba Housing Estate). Every sunday,i would have to go to the estate and wash the car. It could either be in the morning,before we go to church or evening when we are back from church. This was how opportunity came in, instead of taking my time to wash thoroughly,i would just wash quickly and start driving the car all around with my friends. so,I prefer washing the car in the evening. my parents must not know o, na illegal driving o.
    one faithful sunday, when God wan catch me, these three things happend to me. As i was washing hurriedly, my usual friends that we cruise togeda came around. so they were playin music and happily waiting for me to finish washing, unknown to me, one of the mumu friends has put the gear on reverse. So time to drive came, we all got in, I kicked off the engine, decided to raise the car, omo, the car moved back with full speed and hit one barbing saloon wey dey back of where we park, Jesus!! thank God no one was dia, we first quarrel oursef gan, but thank God nothing spoil for the boot,jst a lil scratch. As we continue the cruise na, the music was on the highest volume so it caught people's attention. That was how this my popsy amebo friend saw us o, he just shouted my name and asked me to stop. I taught it was another friend o, i parked, then he came and ordered me to go park the car back instantly, he knew my dad would never allow me do that. Omo, c gbege, na so i turn back o, mak i go park the car back. I reach car park, to park it back the way it was became a problem. Other cars had come to park close to it. making the space tight, and the car was parked in a reverse way. chai, na so we begin try to park o, for about 45mins, we never get am right. In this process, na so one of my mama friends come catch me for there o. this one na alariwo for Africa, highest amebo. e be lik mak i enta ground. At first, she never knew my intentions, so smiled and said, 'so na u come park d car today' for my mind i was lik 'wetn be your own'. Still trying to park at the same place,she then showed me somewhere else to park, me and my friends looked at each other, we didnt want her to know what was happening. i just obeyed, and parked there. At this time,i was already late and decided to go home like dat shaar. As i go skul d next day, my.mind just de d car, already thinking of how the flogging go be. Unfortunately o, my mum didnt notice the change in the park. i never knew the devil had another plan for me, na so this amebo woman come buy something for my mama shop with her own car. My mind don de shake, i wasnt even my sef the moment i saw her. After buying her stuffs, she decided to sit a bit and gist with my mum o, this was how she gave me her car key that i should please take the stuffs home for her and come back. My mum dat has no idea dat i can drive was shocked and told her dat i cant drive o, na so amebo do her job as usual, come de beg make dem no flog me for house. mtcheew

    ReplyDelete
  26. Illegal Driving.

    this happened when i was in ss3 in 2007. Then my dad just bought a car, and as a 'bigger boy' we always come to school and show off, driving a car was an addition to your swag. I've always loved driving but at that time. i wasnt allowed to drive o. The car was an automatic car and so driving was easy, infact that really made me not to learn how to drive manual.

    So then, due to the insecurity in our area, we do park the car in an estate closer to us (Iba Housing Estate). Every sunday,i would have to go to the estate and wash the car. It could either be in the morning,before we go to church or evening when we are back from church. This was how opportunity came in, instead of taking my time to wash thoroughly,i would just wash quickly and start driving the car all around with my friends. so,I prefer washing the car in the evening. my parents must not know o, na illegal driving o.
    one faithful sunday, when God wan catch me, these three things happend to me. As i was washing hurriedly, my usual friends that we cruise togeda came around. so they were playin music and happily waiting for me to finish washing, unknown to me, one of the mumu friends has put the gear on reverse. So time to drive came, we all got in, I kicked off the engine, decided to raise the car, omo, the car moved back with full speed and hit one barbing saloon wey dey back of where we park, Jesus!! thank God no one was dia, we first quarrel oursef gan, but thank God nothing spoil for the boot,jst a lil scratch. As we continue the cruise na, the music was on the highest volume so it caught people's attention. That was how this my popsy amebo friend saw us o, he just shouted my name and asked me to stop. I taught it was another friend o, i parked, then he came and ordered me to go park the car back instantly, he knew my dad would never allow me do that. Omo, c gbege, na so i turn back o, mak i go park the car back. I reach car park, to park it back the way it was became a problem. Other cars had come to park close to it. making the space tight, and the car was parked in a reverse way. chai, na so we begin try to park o, for about 45mins, we never get am right. In this process, na so one of my mama friends come catch me for there o. this one na alariwo for Africa, highest amebo. e be lik mak i enta ground. At first, she never knew my intentions, so smiled and said, 'so na u come park d car today' for my mind i was lik 'wetn be your own'. Still trying to park at the same place,she then showed me somewhere else to park, me and my friends looked at each other, we didnt want her to know what was happening. i just obeyed, and parked there. At this time,i was already late and decided to go home like dat shaar. As i go skul d next day, my.mind just de d car, already thinking of how the flogging go be. Unfortunately o, my mum didnt notice the change in the park. i never knew the devil had another plan for me, na so this amebo woman come buy something for my mama shop with her own car. My mind don de shake, i wasnt even my sef the moment i saw her. After buying her stuffs, she decided to sit a bit and gist with my mum o, this was how she gave me her car key that i should please take the stuffs home for her and come back. My mum dat has no idea dat i can drive was shocked and told her dat i cant drive o, na so amebo do her job as usual, come de beg make dem no flog me for house. mtcheew

    ReplyDelete

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