Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Saturday In House Gists...

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Saturday, 17 September 2016

Saturday In House Gists...

There is a lesson to learn in every gist!
Enjoy these gists and concentrate on the message.Pray we find a winner for the 5k 'mineral money' today.






GIST ONE



OGA TITUS IS A VERY FUNNY GUY THAT HIS SONG MADE ME LIKE DON JAZZY
CREW MORE. SO I PRESENT TO YOU OGA TITUS PHONE
CONVERSATION WITH HIS GIRL FRIEND QUINCY .... IN THIS RIHABU RECESSION ERA O.

QUINCY: Honey do you still love me like before?

OGA TITUS: Yes My queen, you know I do. My love for you will never change.

QUINCY: aww Thats my boo. sweetheart I want
you to buy me somthing.

OGA TITUS: Just name it!

QUINCY: okay darling .... Honey you know I need to upgrade to the
latest version.

OGA TITUS: No problem my Queen Just find
out the price and let me know.

QUINCY: Honey Actually It is sold at Ikeja shopping mall at a giveaway
price of N350,000.

OGA TITUS: oh really Is it manual or authomatic? Have you checked the
fuel consumption too?

QUINCY: oh Honey it is not a car oh...It's a phone... Samsung galaxy S7

OGA TITUS: Phone?!!!!!!!!! !!!!! that means it will have Air
conditioner, fridge, generator set, plasmaa,wardrobe,Helicopter shey??

QUINCY: No dear but it has 12 mega pixel camera,etc...
OGA TITUS: silent

QUINCY : honey Are you buying it or not?

OGA TITUS: Please i am not oh! Infact I can't!

QUINCY: Helloooooo!

OGA TITUS: silent silent silent

QUINCY : HELLOOOOOO HONEY!

OGA TITUS : Silent

QUINCY: Don't even bother again.I will call Alhaji to get it for me
this evening.

OGA TITUS: Better still call Arthur he will be faster. I no do again!

QUINCY : am going to block you.

OGA TITUS: Is your fone hanging? Because I have blocked you since you
mentioned Samsung S7 or whatever.....Gerrarahia mehn


kikikikikikikihehehehehehe
heavenly inspiration
hope you laughed.
Please vote for my gist ... I want to win o .... in fact I need to win.


honest hustle of a Nigerian student ....remember Please I need your votes


..........................................................................................................


GIST TWO

This happened on Monday this week and  any BV that have done this can relate to my story. Please help me post it in "In House Gist" 
  After reading about the hyner man with HIV doing cleansing for women and the lady that her room mate  is a HIV +ve having random sex wit 30 boyfriends, I got  scared since then. 

On Sunday when Mrs. Korkus posted SnM special for HIV people, fear did not let me open  it because the first one she posted had 132 comments immediately and I said to myself (without even opening the post out of fear) that if all these people  that commented on this post are HIV +ve, then I may have the virus because I have random sex without protection. I started feeling malaria that night. 

   On Monday being 12/09/2016, I made a bold step to the  hospital to know my status. When I reached the hospital, I saw some other patients sitting down but I went to the nurse sitting with them  and told her that I wanted to see the lab scientists, that I want her to run a test on me. She asked me  what type of test. 

The whole patients there (6 in number including the nurse) were looking at me to respond. Mehn!!!  I thought of what to call the test so that those patients will not know what I said, but no word came up. The nurse said "please sir I'm still waiting"  Nna mehn, I bone my face and swallowed my shame an replied "HIV test". The nurse smiled and said "is that why it took you some mins to talk". 


   We went over to her table, she asked me my name and age. I gave her fake ans (should in case the result turn out to be +ve). After that, I paid and she directed me to the lab where I had the test. The Dr.  collected my blood sample for the test and told me that  I have to wait  before the result will be out, but I told her that I can't wait because I am going to work and will collect the result on my way back from work. I asked the Dr. for her phone number, so that I will call her to know the result.

 She told me that it is against the ethics of her profession, that  I should come or wait and collect my result (for my mind, I don't want to collect the result if it happens to be +ve). 

She told me that since I have the courage to run the test that I should have no fear collecting the result. I told her that the courage to collect the result is higher. Then I left for work. 

   On my way to work, a car almost hit me and they parked and apologized to me  and  I accepted but in my mind I said  "is it not better that this man kill me so that people will say I had an accident and died than people saying that I died HIV +v". 

    Throughout that day in my shop, I stayed quiet like someone that is being maltreated. A friend of mine asked me "why all this quietness?" I  replied him "I  am having serious malaria". He said sorry and left. I was busy thinking of how to go to another state to be receiving treatment if I end up testing +ve because I don't want to run in to  people I know while receiving treatment. 


    Later that evening as I closed my shop, I headed straight to the hospital my heart was beating faster like 1 million times per second. I was praying since morning, begging God to make it -ve. On my way to the hospital, I saw this beautiful ebony lady, tall with size 30 waist and  coconut size bweast (in Kelvin's voice) I forgot my prayer and started starring at this lady thinking of how to start a conversation with her and also collect her number. Lo and behold, I hit my toes on a stone and almost feel down. The lady laughed and said "sorry" (it seems that she noticed that I was staring at her). 

I replied "OK" that was when my brain reset to normal and I remembered that I was praying. Immediately I started asking God for mercy inside my heart, so that he will forgive me and make me test -ve. I bone the lady immediately. Did I forget to tell u that on my way to work, I saw a bill board that reads:
          "HIV & AIDS  is real.
          Practice safe with one partner.
         Hate the virus and not the patient" 

   I said to myself that maybe God is trying to console me indirectly. The worst part is that the driver of the bus I entered  tuned from music station to a station counseling people to practice safe sex. For my mind I said "which kind wahala be this naaah". I told the driver to tune it back to the music station, the whole passengers said NO, that they like the station that it is interesting that if I don't like it that I should come down. Omo mehn!!! I respected myself and keep mouth muted till I reached my bus/stop. 


    As I entered the hospital, I went straight to the Lab scientists and demanded for my result and she handed it over to my. I summoned the highest courage in me and opened it, my fellow BVs lo and behold it was HIV -ve. I laughed with the highest happiness I never expected. The whole malaria disappeared, that was when I knew I was not suffering from malaria but fear. 

 The Dr. (that is the lab scientists) asked me if I still need her phone number, I said no and told her that the -ve sign said it is against the ethics of my result. We laughed and I left.  

    My real gf visited me that evening. During collecting time, after romancing   I picked my two condoms ( I have already torn the sachet and kept it well so that the pu**y juice will not touch the inside on the process of putting it on since I will finger her) put it on and wanted to put my thing inside her something(in James voice). She told me to wait that I have not give her head and why am I putting on two condoms at the same time. I told her that the Dr. said that giving head normally causes cancer of the throat and as for the condoms, the Dr said safe sex is very important. 

I noticed the disappointment on her face but she can't help it because her something is already drawing like okro (in James voice). (as for me, no more head till i marry and I will be a satisfied Headmaster to my wife alone) 
   This is the end of my story and the moral lessons are:
** Random sex is not good. 
** Practice safe sex always with one partner. 
      SDK is Bae, BVs are family members. I love u all. #OneLove.

............................................................................................................



GIST THREE

It happened in Owerri 2days ago. I heard it yesterday at lunch.
This world is becoming even more scary oh. A newly married man saw a prostitute clothed
seductively by the road.
She was just to sexy to be overlooked. He picked her up
and abandoned the way home to a hotel. He lodged in with her. In less than five minutes he was on top of her. The prostitute was as flexible as a snake. When he was having sex with her, her moanings sounded like a 'hissing snake'.
But he was carried away with her moves and didn't really give his concern to it. The married man had sex with her over and over
again.
.
Paid her more than what they bargained. He woke up at voodoo hour with the intention of
having another round with her.
He didn't find her on the bed.
He heard hissing sounds in the bathroom..He scrambles out of bed and saunters to the bathroom.
He opened the door.
His heart beat drummed heavily as he saw big pythons
talking to each other. He screamed loudly. The pythons leaped on him.
He ran to the door and found it locked..The pythons crawled to him. He shouted for help
and banged the door.
The pythons got to him and jumps to strike him.
""
""
Immediately he woke up!
And almost screamed but couldn't when he discovered
it was just a nightmare. The room was dark. The lights were switched off he felt...He felt.something cold touching his body. He searched with his hands and it felt like a
cylinder with a hard skin impregnated with scales.
.
He finally felt something trying to swallow his head. He.touched it and discovered it was a big snake.trying to.swallow him up. The room wasn't dark.
His head, down to his chest was inside the snake's mouth. The snake's poisonous saliva covered his face.
He started struggling and struggling. But the snake pinned him down. He tried to scream for help but couldn't because
if he opens his mouth, the snake's poisonous saliva
will flow in and he will unavoidably swallow it forcefully. He kicked his leg, used his hands but the snake was too strong. He managed to bite the snake's tongue.
The snake got wounded and involuntarily vomits him. He looked at the snake with blood on his mouth and discovered it was a big python.
He grabbed an empty bottle and smashed the python..The python collapsed..He jerked up and jumped out of the bed. He started screaming for help.
He dashed out of the hotel.
He got home, looking all clean and cool. His wife was asleep already.
He crawled into the bed beside his wife and slept off. He woke up almost at dawn and discovered his wife has turned into a snake..
.
The wife told him everything he did and how he stroke a python dead. Before he could apologise, his wife tod him she was her mother disguised in a different body. He cheated on her with her mother. She got so angry. The man almost committed suicide. His wife told him to return to that hotel and carry her mother back to the house if not she'll kill him.
.
He left immediately and rushed down to the hotel. He went straight to the hotel room and found his wife, mother-inlaw, his sister, his mother in the room..They were all hissing like snakes. Immediately he realised they were all in the same secret cult. They stood up and watch him without saying a word. Great panic gripped him by the throat. He couldn't talk..... And the only problem now is....
**I just don't know how to end this FAKE STORY...****
Mtcheww www... Fake story joor...hahahahaha
.

I'm sorry if I scared you. No vex. Infact, if u like make u vex self, u go fight me?






113 comments:

Bell Jacks said...

1. Cracked me up. Gist 2.don't die at all na. Gist3 kinda scary hmmm happy weekend all.

Eka Joy said...

So I decided to go the bank yesterday. The worst mistake I ever made was going to UBA. In fact, if that bank is the only bank left in Nigeria, I'd rather use kolo to save my money. If I'm to send money to someone for whatever and he or she uses UBA, the person will either have to get an account number or fashy the money, that's how much I hate them right now!

Back to my story, I went to UBA then asked where I could report a case of fraud. I was directed to one guy like that, I dunno how he got the job as his English is oku die ka to. After explaining everything to him, the guy asked me what he should do. I told him to at least look into the issue and try to verify my claim and this man with one yeye woman (I think she was d one that put words into his mouth) told me he can't do anything about it. That it's not the banks business what a customer uses his account to do. I remember vividly a bv yesterday, saying something about lien this, lien that (sorry, I dunno d bank terms). Mind u, I never asked for a refund of my money just that they should try to get this guy caught so he won't be able to defraud another. These idiotic UBA workers told me there was absolutely nothing they could do, they didn't even do as little as collect the guys acct name or number. I left the bank for God cos left to me ehn, if I had started to run mouth, I won't leave there that day.

Since access bank(my bank) was just opposite them, I decided to try my luck there, even though I was expecting them to tell me that since the recipient doesn't use d bank, there's really nothing they can do. But they gave me a shocker. At this juncture, let me mention that access bank remains the only bank I'd recommend to people. You will hardly ever have issues with them. I think they did a rebranding or something, their customer service is excellent and they resolve whatever issues u have with them immediately.

So I was directed to someone to Lodge my complaints. The guy was so sympathetic about my loss. After my explanation, he gave me a sheet of paper to put it all down, every single thing that happened and promised the investigative team will do everything to ensure this guy is brought to book. And even though, it doesn't happen, it feels nice knowing someone cares enough to try to do something about my claim.

For those stating that I'm crying because of ordinary 10k, if 10k isn't money to u, it's big money to me. It pains me more because the product I thought I was paying for would have been something in high demand in the country. I paid for one with d intention of giving someone to test and if it worked as claimed, I would have been buying and reselling. This is what hurts me more here, my business idea flushed down the drain.

I have removed my mind from ever recovering that money but I will pray everyday that they catch that fraudster. I don't care d state they catch him if they do, I must go there and give him a slap at least.

James' hater said...

Gist three you're a psycho, I vote gist 3

Tush baby said...

Non of them made me laugh.

kannie said...

Gist 3 all the way. Lol, gist 2 try too plus it has lesson self but gist one dry gan. Sorry

Eka Joy said...

Gist two reminds me of when I did my first hiv test. The 15mins I spent waiting for the result should be the hardest 15mins of my life. I prayed, I thought hard, wandering if one of d guys that I had dated that was really slim (and actually returned from malaysia) I wondered if I ever had sex with him without condom. I thought long, I thought hard. When the woman came out with it, I begged her to tell me d result directly instead of giving it to me. She refused.

I had no choice but to open it myself. The relief I felt that day ehn... Kai

Anonymous said...

Eka na wa

damsellizzie said...

Gist 2 was really funny....Gist 3 scared the shit out of me

SONYES SIGNATURE said...

Aww... Its pity . 10k na money na. Sorry abt dat

Rhoda Rex said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rhoda Rex said...

Gist 1

Muna said...

Gist two! We went through the same thing ooo. This week was hell! It looked like everything I saw spoke to me. Even the SnM for special people. I almost died! All I saw, heard was about hiv. Lol, I had to do not only hiv test,every kind of test. Thank God they turned all negative. I even made a promise to God. #mermaid

JOYOUS said...

gist 3

Toye crown said...

vote gist one

Toye crown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ThatYorubaChic#wifenotcook said...

Gist2 cracked me up but he doesn't need the money.
Gist3 get as he be... I vote gist1 though he copied it

Eka Joy said...

You've posted this one before na. Continue already

Pure Nigerian said...

Eeya...sorry about the stress. E-commerce should have gotten to a good level now but for some Nigerians and their love for fraud.

The only gist that elicited a smile was gist 2

calabar Chick said...

You sent this in 2days ago naa...
Pls post the continuation.

Anonymous said...

Gist 3 you a so cray 😂 !! I vote 3

DIP3 said...

Hehehe,gist 3, I like ur finishing line,so I vote for gist 3

olisayemk said...

Gist 3, you are drunk but I vote for you sha.

cakes by Bella's, Abuja. 58DA8ADF, 07080305132, instagram @cakes_by_bellas ,twitter @CBellaabuja said...

I enjoyed gist 2.. Gist 3 is just scary jor. Gist 2 it is.

Anonymous said...

Gist 2 all the way!

Anonymous said...

Fellow BVs, pls who has the best solution for rashes. I have this always had this stubborn rashes on my neck. Now on my ass. And pls I'm not a dirty person. I use funbact A to clear it sometimes. But the problem is, it comes back once I stop using funbact A.

Stella Igbokei said...

gist 2.

Trey Mama said...

Dry! None made me smile sef and I pretty much laugh at anything.

zubairu Mohammed said...

I knew gist 3 was fake the moment he mentioned the python has poisonous saliva,cos pythons are not venomous snakes plus if they were to swallow anything, they'd have crushed the bones to pieces. I vote gist 2 cos that HIV ish is real

zubairu Mohammed said...

Sorry for your loss, just be careful with whom you transact business with. Hopefully you'll recover your money and the fraudster would be nabbed pretty soon..

Anonymous said...

Gist two

LUCILE COCONUT OIL ABUJA 07059605320 Pin- 2BC6235E said...

I couldn't finish that gist 3,i don't like anything snake

Anonymous said...

Gist 3 really got so scared like seriously

Everly Rockin' said...

I vote Gist 2.

Sonia said...

Gist 2.

Gist 3 is way too creepy. Haba!

Abaraonye Nonye said...

I GO WITH GIST 2

St.FranKooL.... said...

#Your beliefs don’t make you a better person. Your behaviour does*

Fabricio Micolli said...

I vote for gist 2.

treasures said...

I vote gist 2

Emilia Peter said...

Gist2 crack me up

Rhoda Rex said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ozone said...

Lols@ all the gists
Gist 3 got my vote
You are a good writer, you should write a story book.

Rosblis Cakes Onitsha 07065023067. BBM : 7BA974AD. For Wedding/Trad Cakes, Makeovers & Decor, call in today. said...

Gist 2....real life story with morals....gist one a stale n copied, gist 3very scary.... So I vote 2

Peanuts said...

I vote for gist 3

Ɛß♥ИY™ said...

I vote gist 1

victoria usip said...

Gist 2...."it causes cancer of the throat "

PL THE GREAT said...

It's Gist 3 for me please. The writer captivated me totally.

Samuel Jackson said...

Gist 1

Folly Realwoman said...

I vote gist 2

temmy yemmy said...

Gist two,HIV no be small mata o

Nemerem said...

Two

temmy yemmy said...

Gist two,HIV no be small mata o

Folly Realwoman said...

Eka Joy the money is gone. If you were a big man with big money in the account, they would fish out the culprit.
Chai! 10k just like that in this Bubu economy. God pls touch my helper let help locate me oooo.

Anonymous said...

Beggy beggy alert! Someone should just do a 10k giveaway very fast so we can close this issue.

POSH MIDWIFE said...

Gist 2.

Port Harcourt's Finest said...

Sorry dear. Internet fraudsters are really on the prowl now. Everyone needs to be vigilant and wary. They are here even on SDK. Blame it on the economy but that's a silly excuse for lazy and wicked individuals. Sorry eyah!

Port Harcourt's Finest said...

Where's the continuation na Eka. We go die for you. Nice piece though.

POSH MIDWIFE said...

Anon 14:57!...try to wear pure cotton material always. And is like you are allergic to something, try and check yourself. All the best.

Port Harcourt's Finest said...

I vote gist 3 for originality and humour. It was funny sha.
Gist 2 is the reality of our times. I wish most times that HIV AID wasn't prevalent in our times. It's just a reminder to everyone to live right and be careful for nothing.

Mrs. Romas said...

Gist 1 was funny, gist 2 was not exactly funny, but full of lessons.

Gist two poster, after almost dying of hypertension because of your immoral living, you still had the mind to have premarital sex with your girlfriend after collecting your HIV test negative result.
Please change your ways and stay celibate until after your wedding. A word is enough for the wise.

I vote for gist 1.

Anonymous said...

Gist two

rillyniddy said...

I vote gist 2 hiv is real

Eka Joy said...

Anonymous, they can keep their 10k to themselves or give to ppl that dunno how to hustle. I'm a hustler, I don't need anyone's handouts. It's not my fault u beg for a living

Eka Joy said...

Rhoda, why are u torturing is. Why! Why! Why!

A Y said...

this happened yesterday o
I play bet9ja well. just yesterday, while watching Chelsea match, I was excited that Liverpool was winning, c the way i de shout for the bar,becos I only needed Liverpool and PSG to win 39k. I have promised like 5liverpool fans beer bcos of my winning ticket sef.
Just to go collect my money this morning, I know no say na Chelsea dem play to win for my ticket. come see para!! all my expectations and plans Don spoil. Na God say make I never spend the small change wey remain for my hand self.

Hawt Mrs said...

Gist 2

malia cakes said...

Vote gist 1

Anonymous said...

Hahaha madam Eka goro who asked you for update ? Do you think anyone cares ?
Abeg desecrate posts like this, face cartoons etc where you can exercise your 1 digit IQ.

Oh and that 10k ? Poverty is just starting with you. You will bury your tounge in the anus of poverty. Kikikikikikiki

Anonymous said...

?

Is this pre ménopause syndrome ? What is the story for. Freddy Krugar with that your face like bottom of drum.

Anonymous said...

Here. Take a cookie.

Ldf said...

Gist 3. I like the end lol

QUEEN AMY Loves ACCESS BANK said...

Forget the money dear, it's gone.

QUEEN AMY Loves ACCESS BANK said...

Anon why call her beggy beggy, cnt she pour her mind here and is it a crime for someone to dash her 10k.

Rosie and kids said...

my dear I feel your pain. Mine was my whole salary for a month I used my hand to transfer into an account just one digit different from mine. I didn't realize till after two weeks because I didn't get an alert and I felt its just one of those things my mistake. I just remember now and the wound is still fresh in my mind the said guy was did his youth service in my state. I was able to get his phone number through my friend that was working in the said bank and he told me he was expecting some cash and felt some it was the money.Long story short I lost my money. but guy if you're a BV please return my money I didn't dash you.

Anonymous said...

Curiousity is healthy....

http://Youthnize.com/?ref=88088

Niet said...

Gist two all the way... Lwkmd

Rosie and kids said...

Gist 2

1nigeriangirl said...

Gist 3 it is. Gist 1,too dry. Being a student is no entitlement to win. Would have voted gist 2 but bros get shop na

1nigeriangirl said...

Stella why not create a section for original stories ehh, not copy and paste. Let all our writing talents not waste inugo

Anonymous said...

pls continuation o.thks

Anonymous said...

gist two @ least to promote hiv awareness

Anonymous said...

gist two @ least to promote hiv awareness

Adaora.. said...

Rhoda please finish it nah

Anonymous said...

You can use Aveeno Baby Soothing Relief Moisture Cream.
You should be able to get it from big pharmacy but I usually order it from the US.
You can search for it at Amazon so you will have an idea of the cream

GOONs Mi said...

Gist 2

SMURF said...

Gist 3 all the way.

Dani_Tuny said...

Gist three, well done oooo. copy copy

Ruthie said...

Pls finish that story you started oh!

Anonymous said...

Gist three, sorry I didn't read it to the end cos I have read it before word for word. buckle up next time.

Anonymous said...

none of dem got ma vote. gist three na copy and paste and he didn't even give credit to d real site he copied from

Dani_Tuny said...

I'll vote for either gist one or two. gist three is copy and paste

Anonymous said...

Use sudo cream

Dani_Tuny said...

I'll vote for either gist one or two. in fact gist one. gist three na copy and paste. I've read it several times on facebook. buckle up next time!

Rhoda Rex said...

I go finish am

Rhoda Rex said...

I go finish am

Anonymous said...

gist three, professional copycat. I vote gist one

Rhoda Rex said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rhoda Rex said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
cathy said...

10k na money oh, times are hard. Sorry for your loss

cathy said...

Gist 3 lol

Robyna Fenty said...

Thanks for the update. Ignore the anonymous trolls. It will be alright. *hugs*

Robyna Fenty said...

Did the story start from the funeral? If not pls direct me to the first part. Thanks and God bless.

brainy chick said...

Rhoda Rhoda nice one. Pls finish it.

brainy chick said...

Rhoda pls finish

brainy chick said...

I vote gist two

DillionWorld Int'l Org. said...

I vote gist one

Kehinde Ibiyeye said...

Gist one got me thinking. This iPhone 7 craze is crazy mehn.

Kehinde Ibiyeye said...

Gist one

john'o said...

I love GIST 1. I Don laugh tire

Isaacson said...

Me a good friend arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already open that side."

Giselle Lawrence said...

I vote Gist 2

Tynu Akom said...

Gist 2 for me.

Juliet Johnson said...

Gist 2

Rhoda Rex said...

A whole 10k wey get hand and leg. Sorry dear.

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