This is so sad!
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
EMOTIONAL TORTURE
Love your blog and everything it stands for, bvs nko? I love them scatter. Anyway I am in dire need of advice and help. I am having a bit of issues in my relationship. My chronicle is a bit disjointed cause at the moment I am so down and depressed I am currently on anti-anxiety pills.
I am 26 years old married with a baby (18 months and we've been married for two years), my husband is a medical doctor and he works in a different state from me, firstly my hubby will not allow me visit (I haven't visited in 1 year and 8 months, he comes home once every 2 weeks), he always uses the excuse that he stays in a one bedroom there and it can't fit I and the baby (which is kind of true) but I believe that as a family, if there is love we can manage for just three days to one week, but he never bulges.
Secondly, our communication is zero, he only calls to check on me and the baby vaguely (in fact when he calls I can already predict the conversation, it's very rote and boring). The one that even killed me is when he said to my face last Sunday when we had a little argument 'you know I don't talk to you so you don't have to worry' Stella I cried so much cause I felt so little or best put like a nuisance.
On the Saturday before the Sunday I wanted to have a Heart to heart with him, he refused saying he is studying, I insisted on talking even though he pretended to not be listening, but I continued telling him how I feel, all he said was if I wanted to divorce him I should say it, I was really shocked (though in the past I've mentioned such cause I am just so tired).
Thirdly, He also doesn't trust me, he accuses me of cheating every time. If I tell him I'm at my girl friends place sef it's war, he just wants me to be at home even though he won't call or even keep me company. It's crazy!!!
Fourthly, he is the sole provider in our home, though I am a graduate with 3 different degrees from Universities abroad, i only recently got a job to start in the new year. I live very decently cause he gives us a good life, but those things can't comfort me I need my man to love and appreciate me.
My home is far from sweet at the moment, he is 38 and I'm 26. We dated for two years though I and everyone in his family know he's reserved and doesn't talk too much I never knew it will deteriorate like this. He is a calm man and but when he is on the phone with his doctor friends he will be so excited and all chatty. So he has it in him he doesn't just want to give me that side of him.
I am so tempted to cheat but I can't because I am a child of God and one of those people that fear Gods wrath so much. Guys are always asking me out, because I am very pretty with a lovely shape and very humble and friendly personality so anywhere I step men are always on my case.
Just to clarify I am one of those that have people flocking them, many of my friends won't even do stuff without consulting me for advise so I'm not dumb or boring. I really don't know.
Finally, my hubby will never compliment me, it's almost like I don't exist even if I fish for it, he looks at me and says 'you are ok, or the outfit Is ok' (Ive gotten informal awards on being the fashionista of the year and all, so I really take care of myself, in fact on the side I do make up and dress people for events, so I'm not razz or anything)
How can a young vibrant lady live like this for the rest of her life? I am so tired, dear bvs please help me on what to do.
I really don't know why my hubby hates me so much maybe there's something I can't see, I am annoying too but just minimally like every woman and if we fight and he just begs me once or twice and I've moved on. I don't know what else to do, is there anyone In This situation or overcame such? please help me, I've contemplated suicide so many times because of this emotional torture. There is nothing as painful as being loved and appreciated by the world but not by the one person that matters the most.
Thanks my cyber-family for your anticipated help on this issue.
*I would have to read comments,dont know what to say right now cos i am distracted by something here.
Dear sister, never contemplate suicide please. What you're going through is very common so don't feel awful. What you need is patience, endurance and pray for God's grace to go through your trial of faith. Prepare yourself for your job, plan on how to take good care of your child, where to put the baby while at work, and look inward dear, there has to be something positive and life changing that you're passionate about. Focus on it as though its your pet project and plan to successfully execute it along side your regular job. Don't allow anything to come between you and your God. Love God more, pray more as in, intercede for people, spend quality time with God's word and be happy. With time God will perfect your life for you. It may take years though but shift your focus to God and always only do the right things. As for your husband, don't fight him, don't treat him the way he is treating you and instead of snooping on him focus your energy and time on standing out in life. Be a pioneer of something positive and beautiful and praise worthy. Make your parents proud, let them enjoy their investments on you. You have something to offer, the world is waiting to applaud and celebrate you. Don't allow yourself to be crushed by this present temporary distraction. Go for Glory my dear. It is well with you in Jesus name. Be strong and courageous. Your husband will grow up sooner or later that he is much older than you doesn't mean he is more mature. Surround yourself with people that inspire and challenge you, spend your 'alone' times dreaming Big and strategising on how to be relevant to the world. Love you dear. May God grant you wisdom and discretion. Never take your life!
ReplyDeleteLol @ a bunch of disappointing creatures... Hahahaha
ReplyDeleteYes and the fact that he gets excited when talking to his fellow doctor colleague(s) proves that. Find out the particular colleague that lights his world with a call. That's his lover!
ReplyDeletePlease love yourself, honey!
Lolz.u mean gay?
ReplyDeleteHey poster, I hope you see this. I am sorry this happened to you and I. Mine is worse cos I am yet to give birth for 5 years. To have sex with DH is wahala. He is diabetic and hardly has interest doing such. Anyway, you said something really cool, you got a job. Babe, before you make any drastic decision, resume your job first. I pray you meet amazing colleagues like I did. DH didnt use to care whether we talked or not until he started hearing me laughing out with recklessly abadon talking on the phone or chatting. Remove cheating from your mind. You won't get peace if you do. Believe me. Get something to do that takes you out of the house most times he is around. For me, it is swimming. DH stalked me to the pool. Gradually, DH is d one dat wants to know how my day was, what I did 'today' but the sex issue still dey. I don't even bother anymore. I have chykers, yes I do but I won't cheat. God will remember me, one day. The next man you get maybe vibrant and all you desire but, there always will be something missing. Why don't you stick to this one? He will come around one day. Forget what he does @ his station, it really shouldn't bother. In summary, breathe, live, smile, play, most times d mood swings north, cry, wipe your tears and repeat...love you girl
ReplyDeleteI am mostly concerned about you being suicidal and already on anti depressant medication,
ReplyDeleteyoung lady, you are married to a medical doctor who knows lack of care,a toxic and unloving r/ship led you to all these and still he is not moved,bother or brain storming his brain on how to make you feel more loved and work better on the marriage .this is very sad.I will advice you based on what had happened to me personally, i was ONCE A "STARRY EYED BRIDE" with all full expectation of love,validation and affection from DEAR HUSBAND, but in reality i got ZERO,i had my first child and was sick and feeling so depressed and had to be prescribed anti depressant pills,at that junction,i had to borrow myself brain and realized my happiness is in my hand and i have responsibility to my child to get better and stay positive.I SAID NO WAY WILL I POP THAT PILLS IF IT CAN BE HELPED AND WENT ON GOOGLE TO PICK UP POSITIVE,AFFIRMATIVE AND HEALING SCRIPTURES IN THE BIBLE AS APPLICABLE TO MY CASE,PASTED SOME OF THESE UPLIFTING QUOTES NEAR MY BED,TO SEE AND READ AT ALL TIMES THEN,ALSO GOING ON MY KNEES PRAYING TO GOD TO TOUCH MY LIFE.I WAS DOING STUFF THAT I DISCOVERED MADE ME HAPPY,E.G.GOING ON YOUTUBE PLAYING AND DANCING TO MUSIC,EXERCISING,OUTDOOR NATURE WALK DAILY FOR FRESH AIR TO CALM ME DOWN etc.Thank GOd my health was restored and i learnt(though still learning) to adapt to my hubby s nature???(tough choice and will not sincerely advice my close family to do same) by daily creating positive life outside marriage for myself.PLEASE you are way too much young to let a man push you to depression,focus on how to get better,as anti depressant pill CAN BE ADDICTIVE and you dont want that for yourself if it can be help.
again ,think about the fact that,if your hubby s behaviour is gonna be like this for life?can you cope with your sanity intact?if your answer is no,then the ball is in your court to make any decision thereafter. ONCE again i implore you kindly do not turn yourself to a walking corpse or sick person over a man s matter,may peace of God be with you.E-hugs.
(of course,ill go anonymous on this)
I am mostly concerned about you being suicidal and already on anti depressant medication,
ReplyDeleteyoung lady, you are married to a medical doctor who knows lack of care,a toxic and unloving r/ship led you to all these and still he is not moved,bother or brain storming his brain on how to make you feel more loved and work better on the marriage .this is very sad.I will advice you based on what had happened to me personally, i was ONCE A "STARRY EYED BRIDE" with all full expectation of love,validation and affection from DEAR HUSBAND, but in reality i got ZERO,i had my first child and was sick and feeling so depressed and had to be prescribed anti depressant pills,at that junction,i had to borrow myself brain and realized my happiness is in my hand and i have responsibility to my child to get better and stay positive.I SAID NO WAY WILL I POP THAT PILLS IF IT CAN BE HELPED AND WENT ON GOOGLE TO PICK UP POSITIVE,AFFIRMATIVE AND HEALING SCRIPTURES IN THE BIBLE AS APPLICABLE TO MY CASE,PASTED SOME OF THESE UPLIFTING QUOTES NEAR MY BED,TO SEE AND READ AT ALL TIMES THEN,ALSO GOING ON MY KNEES PRAYING TO GOD TO TOUCH MY LIFE.I WAS DOING STUFF THAT I DISCOVERED MADE ME HAPPY,E.G.GOING ON YOUTUBE PLAYING AND DANCING TO MUSIC,EXERCISING,OUTDOOR NATURE WALK DAILY FOR FRESH AIR TO CALM ME DOWN etc.Thank GOd my health was restored and i learnt(though still learning) to adapt to my hubby s nature???(tough choice and will not sincerely advice my close family to do same) by daily creating positive life outside marriage for myself.PLEASE you are way too much young to let a man push you to depression,focus on how to get better,as anti depressant pill CAN BE ADDICTIVE and you dont want that for yourself if it can be help.
again ,think about the fact that,if your hubby s behaviour is gonna be like this for life?can you cope with your sanity intact?if your answer is no,then the ball is in your court to make any decision thereafter. ONCE again i implore you kindly do not turn yourself to a walking corpse or sick person over a man s matter,may peace of God be with you.E-hugs.
(of course,ill go anonymous on this)
Poster please do not pay him any surprise visit now.
ReplyDeleteYou might be disgraced by what you might witness.
His indifference, dceit or infidelity and get emotionally wrecked, and have your energy too sapped to move on.
Get your plans in motion first, create your backups, so when you seek answers and eventually find them. You will be several steps ahead and in control of what happens next.
Goodluck.
I sincerely use to give my wife this kind of attitude but it was not because I was seeing someone else but because she was nagging like hell. We were about two years in marriage then and with all her degrees from Nigeria and overseas, no work. All she was doing was nag and seek for attention from a man who was getting irritated from her nagging and attention seeking.
ReplyDeleteJust like your husband, whenever she ask me if she looks good in a dress, I just tell her yes it's OK. A couple of times, she will wake me up in the middle of the night for a one on one chat but all I tell her is if you are not happy with me, go and talk to God about it. Stop worrying yourself, pray more, take your job hunting seriously, nag less and always keep the house neat and you will see me all over you.
We are over three years in marriage now, some of these things I was disturbing myself about are still there but I've told myself to accept her the way she is because divorce is out of it. Did I also mention that at a point, the thoughy of seperation came up?! Whenever she come up with lets go out separate ways of we are no longer compatible, I happily say yes and always meant it because I "tire for her wahala". In anyway, thank God we didn't go our seperate ways.
My dear, you sounded very much like my wife, a beautiful and God fearing woman, well read with a family heart but you know what?! Get a job to keep youself busy, keep your house neater than you keep your body, show him respect and allow his opinion to Alway supeced yours and if you have a contrary opinion and cant keep it to yourself, please, put it to him in the most polite way you can imagine. Stop nagging, pray a lot for your family and specifically tell God to touch his heart. Be very positive and have it at the front of your mind that you love him but also have it at the back I your mind that you have a life. Pls and pls, reduce your nagging and focus on yourself and family. To stay in marriage is a choice from both people in the marriage.
Thank God you have a baby and job to start by new year that will give you some distraction. Just give him some space. Never you contemplate suicide or cheating. Since you dated before he married you and he's been like this. He will be the one begging for your attention.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, from this story all I can gather is dat ur man is GAY. They re d only ones who act this way it's all farce just Face ur lyf n ur baby or better still move on. All d best
ReplyDeleteYou need a friend a lonely heart to talk to: cyberghosse@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteYou fueled the issues by telling him you want to divorce... Sometimes we need to mind what we say when angry. It clings to the heart that's like a blackmail and that you have other options. Those kind of words hardly leaves a man
ReplyDelete