Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Sunday, 29 January 2017

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmm questions that need answers......





STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
QUESTIONS ABOUT SINGLENESS

Hello Stella,

I hope this mail meets you well? please keep my identity private. I am an ardent reader of your blog although I don't have a blog name yet. I sent a mail sometime last year I think but it wasn't posted. I hope this one gets to u. I thank God for using this your forum to educate many on people's life experiences. keep up the good work.


However, in my last mail I was complaining of an emotionally draining relationship which left me in nothing but confusion. The relationship is no more. 

This was after I took in and the guy started speaking in tongues, talking of me getting rid of the baby and how he isn't ready. smh. 

I was really shocked as I only hear of stories like this and laugh not knowing mine was booting. I used to be among those who lashed out on people asking them why they did not use a freaking condom as most blog users do. 

Let me just say it here that I have never had unprotected sex with the guy, how it happened is still a misery. that is why it is never cool to judge any1. most people easily spite someone and accuse u without even knowing what went wrong or if you were even aware. to all those girls forming smarter than life, u call out people and term them babymama whn u have sex every now and then. be careful cause you can never tell. 


Well as God would have it, i was saved from even terminating the pregnancy as I had an early miscarriage or chemical pregnancy as doctors informed me. I thanked God for his natural intervention and lessons and moved on with a clean slate and not without ending the relationship of cause. To my greatest shock he said nothing not even an apology, looks like he was even ready for the break up.


Well the issue now is this, I have made new choices and have started life afresh. Celibacy is what I wouldn't want to joke with now and i am working towards it. I must confess I am not one who gets toasters 247, maybe that is why I was so emotionally attached to my exes. it takes a while after breaking up b4 I find someone i like again. I try to focus on other important things like securing a good job and all, but the society pressure and marriages lingering all over social media makes matters worse. atimes I ask myself if all is well? 


you may want to know how I look? I am not an ugly girl, i'm 24, pretty and petite with a slim figure, a good career and personality. I have my bad sides yes cos no man is perfect. Most times my friends say hang out, attend weddings but I am done with that shiit. 


I believe what will be will be but the struggle isn't easy. You see ladies who can't even stay single for 1 month, as their relationship is ending another one resumes, hot guys are even on their waiting list. I am not under any pressure to get married although it's not easy, I have that feeling of starting my family too but would have to wait till the right man comes along, 


I just want to know if there are other ladies who are in this situation like me?


just normal ladies, but you don't have men coming along often? It takes a while before you get to meet someone? You just go about your normal life and have to chill for a long while b4 you get the chance of seeing someone you are attracted to ask you out? I am confused cos every now and then my friends are never single for too long, they always have 1 guy or a date coming at short intervals. Are there ladies out there like me who find it difficult to meet someone they are really attracted to and would have to wait a long while always? Or is there something I am not doing right?


Please i would appreciate your red pen Stella and also bvs spare me your tongue lash because I know the fear of SDK bvs tongue lashing is indeed the beginning of wisdom. lol.

Thank you Stella.


*In deep thoughts and having a selah moment*


122 comments:

ukwu dimond said...

Poster need answers

I am king EZE said...

Everyone is not the same. Just Be you and the right one will come

STARRY LARRY said...

Yes, there are many of us like that, hope you're happy now? just focus on your work, you will meet the right man when you're less desperate





*Larry was here*

Lady C said...

All I see is here desperation and low self esteem.

ukwu dimond said...

Poster sometimes it happens like that, you need to take your mind off bfs for now, don't worry d right guy will come very soon.

I am the queen and the boss of this blog(CHIEF) said...

Poster,go for deliverance abeg...
Even mad or disabled women have men asking them out on a daily basis talkless of someone like you!...

I hope you are not dating someone's husband cos I know a lady that made a girl that was dating her husband to look like a 70 year old woman in the face of men!...

Anonymous said...

U r not a serious girl.U r d type that ur everyday prayer is husbands house, there is more to this life than that.U r just 24 4 pit sake,work on urself n watch men frolick after u, no 1 wants a liability, if u continue with this mindset u wld settle 4 less in d long run.man com ohh, man no come ohh, fall in love with self first n watch ppl admire ur lov 4 self non stop.

Blackberry said...

Loosen up, free ur mind, socialise, don't be too uptight, or are you d type dat easily catch feelings? U can have a string of male friends, no strings attached.

YamLegIsBetterThanNoLeg said...

your not d only one dear, it depends sha..... is it dat no guy not even d one u don't like is toasting u??? Ive bin single for long not bcos I dont have toasters but bcos I dont see d overall qualities I need in a man nd na woman who know get direction dey jump from man to man, so my dear live yr single life well nd wait till he finds u unless u wan play life nd b like ur friends.

Love made me said...

I agree with you poster about not getting easily attached to another person once I leave a relationship....You are still young dear.... Love will find you....I think the problem single ladies have is the society's view about them, pressuring them and making them desperate that they even give in to guys that Dont deserve them..all in the name of wanting to be in a relationship and getting married...stella , when is single and mingles...I need friends to take my mind off this ish I'm going through... im an introvert so I need friends that can talk and listen to me....

Miss Ess said...

Good you have adopted the mermaid style. Your man will come.

ganglion said...

I just wonder what some religious fanatics see in "attack", olive oil, and palm kernel oil. And this man, in his mid forties was just rushed in, prayer warriors have been with him for the past 3 days. According to them, he has been complaining of headache and they termed it attack. And now, you rushed him to the hospital , una never still tire to use olive oil. The prayer warriors still the pray ooh. Well, the man was brought in dead. Paper white pale, cold extremities, no pulse rate, no heart rate, no respiratory effort an fixed and dilated pupils. I had to tell them to take him to military hospital or BMH. Don't want people to start creating scene with cries here.

Go to a good hospital when you are sick. It still doesn't prevent you from praying.

Classic Chic! said...

Yes I have been there!

What I did was to concentrate on ma self, just like u said, job-wise.

Then I.did what makes me happy.
I like staying around positive people,
going out to get frozen yogurt. Chatting with friends,
church activites,
Attending weddings,
Travelling to meet with 'long-time-no-see' FAM..memebers,
Going to.the cinema n etc

My dear by d time u occupy ursef with all this, u will be so exquested n wishing for 'me time'.
Church activities alone.will push u to da wall.

#pls note d key word - hanging around POSITVE PEOPLE!

Being single isn't a crime or sin!

Anonymous said...

As fr me it takes long b4 i enter into anodr relationship,to d extend dt i will be tinkn negatively abt myself,dt am i nt beautiful again,is it spiritual problem,i remembered me prayn to God dt if i ever see a guy dt wnt to date me,i will be serious i wont misbehave,i kept begn God to giv me last chance,anyway my prayer was answered bt d guy is totally Broke,nw am askn God again dt y me,dis is nt wt i bargain fr,i guess i will keep on prayn,is either i met a btr guy or he see's a gud job...God pls mak me happy all i wnt is happiness...All we singles ladies must testify no be only ttc,cos we also fasted nd pray...y will it nw b only ttc dt will be sharing testimony,our case mst be diffrent dis year,Lord pls....mosebolatan

Anonymous said...

U ain't alone,take your time,enjoy urself,the right guy will come.

Anonymous said...

It is not "having a guy or relationship all the time" that matters. What matters are:
What are these guys there for; the sex, money, food, etc.?
Has any of these your friends gotten married and live in peace with their spouses?
Are all those attending weddings and parties married?
What have they achieved through serial relationships to boost their careers?
Are these ladies liabilities to themselves or assets?
How many of them have gotten pregnant and aborted and laden with guilt?

You've got to be confident and trust in God. You have learnt the lesson that celibacy is the golden rule and not sex with condoms. Even if a guy wears tire, it is still called fornication and its consequences are myriad. Glad to know that you did not abort that child. God bless you and your baby. Get closer to God in reading your scriptures and praying for houses and wealth can be inherited from parents but a prudent spouse is from the Lord.

shes fab said...

Nothing is wrong with you dear. God's time is the best. Relax.

Anonymous said...

hmmmmm ...... it is well. I am facing a similar situation. Just hold on, at the appointed time ur own will come.

Julius Not beggar said...

maybe u don,t wear sexy cloths

Single Mom said...

I still trying to figure out your problem because I don't think you have any.



Long live SDK

Anonymous said...

Yes u are not alone. At 35 am still waiting.(right from small I no get head for men and d onces always ends even without cause). Am done brooding/crying. Even d ugly do,i guess it's d circle of life we can't all av it. U are lucky you are still young. Work more on ur inner strenght,attitude and way of life.

Sassy Meruche said...

Hmm,dear poster...can't really say I understand where you're coming from cuz I don't really think I've been single my entire adult life.Was in a long relationship,and started another almost immediately after.However,I realised I wasn't totally over my first,as I always found myself thinking about him,always bringing him up in conversations,even with the one I was with then,and the guy I was with then told me to just go back to my ex cuz I wasn't totally over him.I had to tell myself the truth and after the relationship ended,went back to my ex.However,it wasn't meant to be cuz we still broke up.But I didn't jump into another one immediately,took some time for myself to heal.Had casual dates here and there but nothing serious.I wanted to heal first,and didn't want my next relationship to suffer.
Now,I'm in another relationship and I'm clear headed.I'm still cool with my exes and we talk from time to time.
My advice is that you see this to explore.You are young,develop yourself.Make random friends,guys in particular,do movies.Try and enjoy this period of your life.Trust me,the right guy will come along.Do not see it as torture.Yea O know,your friends might flaunt their relationships in your face,and social media isn't helping but do not take it to heart.Just live each day as it comes and you'll be fine.Take your time,don't be too choosy but also don't compromise on what you want.Goodluck.

Aphrodite said...

Poster, hold my hand, we are in this together. May God see us through. It can be frustrating tho

Anonymous said...

yes poster it is normal ive been single for over two years not by choice but i just havent met anybody .im not bad looking either i get apprecitive stares while im out but no toasting i just live my life nd not let it bother me cos i belive mine will come

Tayan Taylor said...

Rubbish,so you count this as chronicle abi, don't worry be patient, real chronicle will come to you

Miss Juliet said...

I don't even knw what u want Poster...there are a lot of people like u na nd it's normal..just calm down ur man will come

BLUNT CHIC said...

You want us to teach you how to fish? How to dress, How to makeup, mingle, attend parties, read wide, love football, cook well and probably mmm well?

Sister I cant just kneel lemme pray for you.

straight shooter(allergic to bullshit*) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Empress CHO said...

Okay, this is not your usual chronicle.
However, this is equally very important seeing a lot of ladies with this fear and mindset are probably languishing in terrible relationships coz they can't imagine how long they can survive alone if they let go, or are seriously chasing and playing wife aggressively for men non-chalant about their feelings.

Thank God for surviving your experience, however you restricted your lessons to keeping just your legs closed. That episode is one that should open you up to new levels of self-awareness and discovery, so maximize it.
Now, i see you making a big mistake...making a terribly POOR comparison with your friends.
I read you describing how they get so many men in quick succession, but how many are in QUALITY marriages, not just married oh. See why i say your comparison is poor, add short-sighted to that as well. I hope you realise i am not speaking from a place of ill-intention or malice.

You are not doing anything wrong, but you are not doing anything right as well based on how i view your story.
You strike me as one who has streamlined her self-esteem and existence on acceptance and attention from men, yes, you may be hardworking, not so desperate and other denials i'm sure be rattling you now, but it's clear to see. You would really wish relationships come easy for you, just like your friends, even better will it leading to the altar especially before those "sharp and effortlessly guy-hooking" friends of yours. Nothing to be ashamed of there, but then you need to ask yourself a better question here, would i rather want so many guys coming around, having countless dates and break-ups or just a sane drama-free, divinely prepared brother who brings enough to the relationship table?

I am trying to re-direct mindset, before you start thinking it is something spiritual or you have to put on some bit of bad girl pants, become a wild and superficial ego-massaging, needlessly siren blaring chick. I say pump your brakes honey. Beyond the floss of dates and buzz of men coming around, many "popular demand" babes are struggling with deep sense of inadequacy, knowing they are good enough to be dated by so many guys but not good enough to be married...your sensitive ass don't need that extra load, so count your blessing here.
So many times, we have a picture of what we want, but if such should locate us earlier, we would mess it up why. Many times, it's not proper timing, some coz we haven't developed mentally enough to handle the pressure that comes with it. Being 24 doesn't mean that you are ready to date seriously. Start with this past relationship, have you pondered on how it went down. What effort you put in, your threshold limit, what you allowed, tolerated, your contributions, if it was mutually beneficial at most points, if it helped you grow. You walked away with celibacy and worry about how long you will tarry till the next relationship which still keeps you within the self-destruct range.

beeolah said...

Am here to read comments

code009 said...

You don't need anyone to validate you. If there are no ladies like you, pls move on. Don't tag yourself as someone that doesn't get regular dates. You are a young girl you will be just fine.

Mawi said...

You say you have learnt your lesson, but you really haven't. The real lesson you should grasp is this, life happens to us differently & individually. Forget about men. Stop being desperate for a relationship. Stop looking for love. Fill that void in your life with Jesus, building a career, helping humamity & FINDING YOURSELF.
If you keep looking for boyfriend, boyfriend will keep hurting you because they can always sense your neediness & hunger for validation.
Focus on you. Love will certainly come & it will respect you when u respect yourself.
And to answer your question, yes. There are so so many girls like you, & God is calling you all to be more than just boyfriend-seekers.
Take this advice from someone who has been in your shoes.

Anonymous said...

Can I like this comment? I'm currently in the same boat as you are poster, and boy!, it hasn't been easy. I'm not one who usually have guys flocking around me. I experienced a bad breakup in 2015 and I've been single till date. I used to feel bad about the fact that I'm still single, and not having a sensible guy on speed dial doesn't help either, but dear, see yourself as diamond. A lot of people will admire from afar, but don't have what it takes to walk boldly to make inquires. When the right person comes, you'll know it, and you don't have to stress it. Be confident in yourself. See yourself as an asset any man would kill to have. I'd love to have you as a friend. It's rare to see ladies this young, with a drive and focus. And oh, I'm 26.

Arsenal Firstlady said...

Yes dear. It does happen to other ladies. Not everyone has the same grace. Very soon real man will locate you.

Anonymous said...

My dear I understand clearly how you feel, I thought I had a spell on me but I don't. I just believe that there are some of us who are born that way I think you should focus on your career and build up your folio the right man will come . You were made strong and uto most guys I probably look like a whole lot of work and commitment just chill the right person willing to do the work will come along... Or at least I hope so..

Anonymous said...

Wow! Empress u are gifted! This sounded as if u've read her story 5 years ago and prepared this robust answer... saying I was impressed by write up is an understatement... God bless u for this. NB: i'm not the poster, just a guy next door that appreciate intelligent and "gifted hands"..

becky naka said...

Empress cho, U've spoken well.

Anonymous said...

Shut up ode

Empress CHO said...

True, it gets lonely sometimes. The calls, chats, dates, attention, innocent touches and butterflies are sweet, but your target now should be getting a worthy man to give it to you steady, a husband if you want to get married. A man who has come of his own, who appreciates a good woman and for you to be the woman who deserves that man.

I am sure you have heard of those "slow" chicks who never had a boyfriend or dated sparingly meet a guy and boom...they are getting married. While the experienced babes in the dating scene from birth be slaying in aso-ebi at their weddings.
Sometimes, have you pondered on such. You think those brothers married them out of pity or it's luck. See many times, go enter deep conversations with those simple girls, and you will get schooled. Many of them utilized their prolonged singlehood to massively improve themselves. They grew spiritually, mentally, they become women who give peace of mind, who encourage, who boost the confidence and dreams of men who come around. They didn't become like that never giving themselves no breathing space in dateville,Jumping from brother to brother.

You need to start by creating a picture of the sort of life you want and the partner in it. Be realistic as much as you can pls. Write it somewhere like some checklist. Now, go work on yourself. If it's to get closer to God, do it! Interact more with mature minds, do shift a bit from those friends before envy seeps in, befriend those ladies that have that certain alchemy, you know that sort of calm disposition that draws people. Get busy, pursue a hobby,look good, identify any silly character you've got and work on it. Put it in prayer everyday as well and wait on God. Trust me, when you go back and revisit the mini checklist i told you to write now, you will be shocked at how much you have changed.

Now, stop "tensioning" yourself needlessly okay.
Valentine is coming, feel free to beef from your corner that day, flee facebook and instagram for one week to avoid running into blings and fake facial expressions, ponder at saturdays and the thousands of girls that are queens for that day with their prince-charming beside them, do all these without self-pity and depression....coz soon, it will be you!
Kisses and showers of love dust.

Lil'lian said...

Hahahaha.... Very funny comment

Anonymous said...

who are you??? My God you are blessed! What the hell! I want to meet you and get to know you. You just summed it up!

Anonymous said...

Poster, I'm in this too, my ex of 6yrs left me and got married to someone else. Did I see the sign- yes but I was scared of letting go bcos I know how long it took me b4 I met him and being that I'm 28 ..... Right now I'm not scared again coz I know my missing rip is closer than I can imagine.....

Anonymous said...

Poster, yes I am someone like you. My last relationship ended about 2years ago & I have been single to stupor since then, I am still yet to find someone I'm attracted to. What have been doing is just focusing on my work and how to make money. Yes it is not as easy as it sounds because sometimes it gets so lonely but I kept consoling myself with the fact that God is still preparing my OWN. when my lat relationship ended I prayed to God and told him I dont want any relationship nomore Except if it is going to lead to a HAPPY ending. Who knows maybe God heard and he is working on that...Lol. Yes alot of my friends tend to find guys easily and all but I really dont care. Their life, not mine!!!

Anonymous said...

Okay, let me not read and run.
We can't emphasize enough that women are seasonal in nature, at your bloom is when you get the highest number of admirers. Then it diminish as you tend towards late 20s significantly. At 24 if I were you I wouldn't lock out flexing or being adventurous. Don't be desperate to find love but instead make good friends from both sex. Your man can be a friends friend or brother or be at that party you refused to attend. If through your teenage years and now 24 you are not the type with lots of suitors, think what when you are older. Take your celibacy seriously, it will help you think with your head most times, good luck.

MrsBee

Anonymous said...

Talk true, na u be that person...hahahhahahahhahahq

Jasmine said...

I want to understand something pls. So one day u'll just wake up and want to take stock of all the relationships you've been in and how ur friends get dates and all that?

Wow!!!


Brb! Pretty little liars season 7 calling...

KIDJO said...

Sorry about the pregnancy.I didnt want to comment initially but come on.Being single is not a curse.It's a time for preparation for marriage. Why don't you use this time to develop yourself psychological and spiritually, Get another degree if you re done with one.Don't waste your time as a single girl, use this time to prepare yourself for the task ahead.You see,your friends re hardly single because they re always having boyfriends that won't marry them at the end due to the fact that they don't want to stay as single girls thereby foolishly increasing their body counts.You had better stay single and prevent having a high bodycount than dating every Dick and Harry that comes your way.Trust me if the right guy should come,The holy spirit will give you signs that he's the one because God created a Eve for every Adam..Wait for your Adam.And No ,you ain't the only single girl alive...I'm one....

#AGirlInLoveWithHerself.

xxxTrinityxxx said...

Poster I think you're suffering from low self esteem but you just haven't realised it yet or you have but don't want to accept this as an issue.many go in and out of relationships easily but ask yourself how long they stay in those relationships for.men might not be on your case 24/7 but I assure you if they were you'll get tired of all the attention and unserious men it brings with it.cos your friends jump from one relationship to another cos of the attention they get dsnt mean you should compare yourself to them. You might not be attractive but you might be beautiful. There's a difference. Even when you finally get a guy you're attracted to and who's attracted to you,take your time to be friends with him first before a full on relationship starts. There's nothing wrong with being single for a long time. It helps you find yourself and know exactly what it is you want from a man and a relationship

beeolah said...

Lol

St.FranKooL.... said...

#Loving yourself is the foundation for loving another person*

Miss K said...

Dear poster,there are so many girls like you...I myself wonder if im doing something wrong too

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

Anon 15:22- Hmmm.... So you didn't read the part where she said she had a miscarriage?

Anonymous said...

Shit happens. Just go about your life the normal way and you will meet someone. I was in a situation ship and I told God that that's not the guy I want to marry. He is good, righteous but a brokeass. And when a girl with money is dating a brokeass, no matter how much he prophesies his love for me, I had it behind my mind that he could be with me for what he will gain from me. Luckily for me, one day I went out and a guy I didn't even notice or think twice about took my number. I no even send am. After getting to know this guy, mehn....Na my spec o. God just answered my prayers when I wasn't expecting it. I wouldn't even have given him my number but It happened in a way that I couldn't dodge. I'm over 30 and you are just 24. Free your mind and build your career and work on yourself. It will happen one day πŸ‘Š

Anonymous said...

Poster are you OK? Are 24 u already desperate hmm thinking of marriage wen I should be thinking of how to be successful in life. Pls wakeup wen u are successful men will worship you hmm u will be using them to do shakara self.

Ehi Grace said...

Poster come and answer this question Chief Mrs is asking, because you never know with things like this.

Anonymous said...

You are not alone at all. I am 32. I have only had one ex all my life. We broke up 8years ago. It took me that Kong to be in another relationship

Dope PH BaBe said...

Lol, @ 24 my thoughts was to enjoy life, work, groove, travel make money, be in relationships. Becos I know once am married, that's the end. Young girl why not enjoy your life, take yourself out of no one did.
I use to club alone and go home alone, my money, my time, my rules. I usually eat out and no other place than jevenik cos there food is to the for.
Hardly wait for guy(s) to do those for me. Even while dating hubby, I had my private me alone time. Eat out, hang out alone but never clubbed though.

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

Empress CHO great comment!! Points I picked and would like to re-emphasise:
1. Its NOT spiritual please!
2. Your married friends aren't your yardstick. God gives us differnt blessings at differnt times.
3. At 24 you may think you're ready for marriage but you may not be prepared in God's eye because of the responsibility he has for you and the kind of man he has prepared (is preparing) for you and you for.
4. Honestly Reflect on your past relationship and make a decision to do 'better' next time.

5. Attention from men has its advantages and disadvantages. Don't base your life on that.

Well, i cant really late.... Because I easily get attention from guys but then I can count the ones that I deeply connect with. Too too few. Cant hop on every bus just because I'm unmarried. So guess what? I get bored very easily. I've gotten used to the attention so I need something beyond that to keep me interested in a guy. On the outside im the girl who doesnt have problem when it comes to 'getting guys'. But Deep down I know what I seek. And unlike some people i know i won't get carried away by mistaking attention for true love or 'ideal man' quality. Moral lesson: It's not by how many guys give you attention or approach you. It's about how many are worth knowing and getting to know. Honey, trust me most of these guys you see from afar and admire and wish to know are NOT worth your time. I have loads of male friends too so I can say this out loud. Ignore men matter for now. Focus on you. For God's sake you're just 24. There's a whole lot more you can do with your time. Good luck!

straight shooter(allergic to bullshit*) said...

Im single too, because its hard for me to meet a guy that i like and has what i need, the ones that come are usually not the people i see myself dating anytime soon and like you im hanging onto a non productive rl because of that..well i also believe that everyone is different and with time the right guy would come.. Question for bvs from the last snm Please bvs did anyone from the last snm get contacted by a guy saying he links girls with senators?? Please if you did mail me lets talk!!..

Love made me said...

Yea...I like what you wrote...the right man comes when we least expect...

Anonymous said...

And it does happens like you said queen and bug of Stella's blog,sometimes you speak sense unlike when you just vomit rubbish.someone I know is in this shit at the moment,she didn't date a married man though,her ex fiance sidechick place the voodoo on her,I didn't know what was happening,I tried hooking her up with 4 different cool responsible guys with great jobs but they all rejected her complaining to me that she looks somehow,meanwhile she is actually a very beautiful girl,I mean gorgeous and always very well dressed.I was confused till she told me the problem she was going through and how she has been seeking spiritual help upandan to deliver herself.This life ehhn we really need to be prayerful,some hell men make women go through.

Ronalda. said...

Baby girl, you have to know that people as well as their aura are different. Some ladies are like human magnets, they attract more men than they can handle. The issue I want to address is, the fact that some ladies have men at their beck and call doesn't mean much unless they are good men with good intentions. A lady may be in a relationship with 1 guy and have about 5 "spares" and a few potential "spares", but at the end of it all, she still doesn't settle down with any. 

Honey, there may be something you are doing subconsciously which makes you less attractive and I'm not referring to how you look. The fact that you've already programmed your mind to accept the notion that guys are not easily attainable, is enough to keep men away, the mind is that powerful. Perhaps you shut down emotionally after each breakup and give out the vibe that men should stay off. There might even be guys trying to get your attention but you wouldn't notice because you aren't over an ex. It's possible that you don't dress to impress or your attitude isn't exactly appealing. There are so many variables that it will be impractical for people who don't know you to pinpoint the reason(s). Then again, there may be absolutely nothing wrong with you. Whatever it may be, don't use other ladies as the yardstick used in measuring your life, we all are uniquely different with different destinies.

My darling, don't ever hold on to a toxic relationship for fear of the unknown. You may find it difficult to believe but the truth is, it is better to be alone than remain wilfully passive in a wrong relationship. The longer you remain with a man who doesn't treat you right, the more you self-worth/self-esteem disintegrates, till it gets to the point where you will no longer notice you're being abused emotionally. You wouldn't even realise you deserve better.

I think you're way too young to give up on yourself. What's wrong with your friends inviting you to hang out or attend a wedding? How can you be "done with that sh*t" at 24 years? Sweetie, if you don't socialise or attend social functions, how exactly would you meet people who could be potential dates or potential links to dates? You have to put yourself out there to be noticed, not in a desperate way though. Be open minded and get to meet new people. When you meet a guy, don't just start imagining him as a boyfriend, get to build friendships. The phrase "what will be will be", isn't generally applicable, sometimes in life you have to manipulate circumstances to create the results you desire.‎ You still have your whole life ahead of you, I believe the best is yet to come. Just trust God to give you the best of the best.

#e-bearhugs.‎

Love made me said...

Lol...u ehn...

Anonymous said...

I dont understand all this under 24yrs oooo, cos all i hear from them is marriage this , marriage that , poster for ur information , am 27Yrs and by the middle of this year , i will be 28yrs , do i think abt marriage ? Yes, is it my piority ? No, i just got a work and focusing on it , and my vision is to open a striving business by next yr , besides most of the females in my family get married in their 3o's and live happily with their husbands . Ur in ur 20's , this is the best time to strive for a career and husbands will come later, let me tell you , if u marry now without a career and the man income is not enough for the family, na suffer head life u don enter be that, a word is enough for the wise oo.

Love made me said...

Correct... Positive minds...

Love made me said...

Amen oooo

Love made me said...

Correct

Anonymous said...

I'm just like you dear, we are even age mates. My last relationship ended in 2013 & I've not been in another relationship since then. Its not like I don't get toasters, I'm just so used to my freedom & personal space & I don't let people into my life easily & I'm super shy too. One thing that attracts me to a man is his sense of reasoning, his words & actions has to be wise not ancient & not overly religious. A christain man in character not a noise maker. Most guys I meet are ancestors in young bodies & they make is seem like I'm looking for a unicorn. Lately I met someone from S&M, he's so cool & meets up with all the criteria I want in a man. We are not official yet, still taking it slow.

All I'm trying to say is that there is nothing wrong with you, there are people like you too. You just have to take it slow & be in a happy place with yourself before looking for someone. Take it easy & take your time so you won't get into a wrong relationship.

Love made me said...

Correct

Intelligentsia princess said...

Poster there's what is called destiny. Some girls will always have the rich ,tall and handsome guys always at their beck and call even if they're as ugly as chimpanzee, while some girls will be beautiful and endowed but still no man will even look at them. Not as if they have any spiritual problem.
That's why the Bible says is not of him thats willeth nor runneth but God who showeth Mercy.
For a life partner if you're a Christian pray with isah 34vs16 stop comparing yourself to your friends, you're a unique being wonderfully made by God. And at the God ordained time,your prince charming will show. Don't stress yourself, enjoy your life and serve God more....

Zainab Owolabi said...

Can we be friends? I like you already! I'm growing and I need people like you around me.

Silhouette said...

You talk about getting a good job and also already having a good career. Ayam confused o

Anonymous said...

Dear poster,i am a lady and i will be 24years old in August and i haven't had a boyfriend in two years ever since i broke up with my ex and i don't even have toasters sef. I have been praying about my love life alot and i know God makes everything beautiful in his own time. So my dear, CHILL.

Irresistible dudu said...

Ok. I used to be one of those girls with a man on speed dial. Trust me, it breeds confusion. I am married now, however not to the man of my dreams I.e comfortable and five years older. But believe me, he's more mature than a 50 year old of nowadays.
So, I think you need to review the qualities of a man you are looking to date. Perhaps your criteria is too rigid.
Secondly, you have a tendency to hold on too tight to the guy, he sees you as desperate. Remove that fear that another one may not come.
Lastly to get rid of the fear, you need an ego boost. The easiest way is through a physical makeover. Dress very sexy and makeup for a photoshoot. Take photos like a model. Anytime you feel that fear, get that photo out and remind yourself that any man would be lucky to have a beauty like you.
Learn to go out by yourself sometimes and enjoy your company. Best regards.

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...


TITLE OF MY STORY: WHO PLENTY TOASTERS EPP?

So on a friday night I went out with my close friend. We went to about three places that day. Just two of us. My friend is darker skinned, very pretty and quite curvy. We wore the same black dress but the contrast on me was sharper. I tell u everywhere we went, 98% of the guys who walked up to our table(s) were trying to get fresh with me. The good, bad and ugly.... you name it!! At a point I was irritated my friend started making fun of me and almost choked on her drink. Initially, I  was upset but i later caught up with her clowning. She understood that I wasnt interested in talking to these people as I just had a break up and needed to let my fro up in happy quiet peace. They will now asK her: your friend cant talk? Is she okay cos I'm talking to myself here? One even burnt my arm with his cigarrette stub whiLe gesticulating. So them dash me blister join. *hiss* The whole night only ONE guy approached my friend. One. And he was waaaay cooler than all the ones who approached me. And their friendship progressed from that point till this very day. Better pikin. There might have been cool guys my way too but how would I have separated the wheat from the chaff given the unnecessary frequency?

So I ask again: Who plenty toasters epp? Would you rather wait for quality or admire those with quantity? Better don't let those 'changing boyfriend like wrapper' things make you envy anyone. 1 Salmon is more expensive than 5 Croakers. Wait for your salmon.

Kay said...

Dear poster, u do not need to date immediately. Some ladies do not select the men they date. They just jump into any readily available guy even when they know he does not posses the qualities they are looking for in a man.

I have had only but a few relationships. But in between, there have been guys I hang out with and never give sex. Some may think I have had relationships with all these guys but fact is, I do not want to be completely lonely until I find someone I like enough to date so I agree to go on dates and hang out till I find me a man. (Funny thing is my mom thinks it's even wrong I entertain such dates as "people watching" might think I'm in a relationship and anyone interested in me might not want to come close) I guess I have to give moms opinion a second thought.

I do not think there is anything special a lady needs to do to find herself a man.

Do your own basic part.
Keep yourself neat and smell nice
Be approachable and well mannered.

You can meet your man anywhere. ATM machine o, supermarket o, eatery o, bank o,anywhere. There's no special way and not necessarily @ weddings or parties.

Better to have fewer relationships than jumping into the next and wasting all your energy and emotions all in the name of being in a relationship.

Anonymous said...

At 24 you think marriage is the most important?shame on you.
Get a skill, occupy your mind get a career.
Marriage is overrated dear.
Your role model should be Oprah, Serena Williams and other successful women that got a career before marriage.
BTW, even if you have a career, my dear strive to have more money.

Anonymous said...

Indeed life happens to us all differently..i am 27 years 2month virgin and an msc holder never had any serious relatiinship.i am xoxo petit and good looking. My 1st was when i finished sec. Sch & the guy then was presurising me for sex & am not ready so i quit then. 2nd was when i was about to go for my youth service we were introduced & we got along but but i think he wasnt so comfortable with the much differnce in stature i percieved that because gradually he withdraw but i had to let go. All along now 3years ago no one though i see admirers but it dosent gaet to the atage of relationship. I have learnt in the cos of years to work alot on my self as none of my friends is aware that i never had a relationship they feel i just hide my man from them except for my family also am closer to God as thats were my strength lies for i know who ever trust in God will not be put to shame for there is a reason for every situation. I am a core muslim but also i read the bible like theres no other thing to read this situation have just molded me cos what can i do is it when you feel u need a companion or lack of money trust or even a true friendship its hard really it is....you aint alone and one thing is there are several cases worst than yours...will you even dare to be promiscious when guys aint even lookn at your end is it possible but it is believed and known that DELAY IS NOT DENIAL
for every person that as similar or othwr psychological issues wouldnot mind to help as i am also a victim of this situation and also a certifield PYSCHOLOGIST.. for brief session to help you gain insight that therea more to life i can be reach via 7BB94FBF

Anonymous said...

Indeed life happens to us all differently..i am 27 years 2month virgin and an msc holder never had any serious relatiinship.i am xoxo petit and good looking. My 1st was when i finished sec. Sch & the guy then was presurising me for sex & am not ready so i quit then. 2nd was when i was about to go for my youth service we were introduced & we got along but but i think he wasnt so comfortable with the much differnce in stature i percieved that because gradually he withdraw but i had to let go. All along now 3years ago no one though i see admirers but it dosent gaet to the atage of relationship. I have learnt in the cos of years to work alot on my self as none of my friends is aware that i never had a relationship they feel i just hide my man from them except for my family also am closer to God as thats were my strength lies for i know who ever trust in God will not be put to shame for there is a reason for every situation. I am a core muslim but also i read the bible like theres no other thing to read this situation have just molded me cos what can i do is it when you feel u need a companion or lack of money trust or even a true friendship its hard really it is....you aint alone and one thing is there are several cases worst than yours...will you even dare to be promiscious when guys aint even lookn at your end is it possible but it is believed and known that DELAY IS NOT DENIAL
for every person that as similar or othwr psychological issues wouldnot mind to help as i am also a victim of this situation and also a certifield PYSCHOLOGIST.. for brief session to help you gain insight that therea more to life i can be reach via 7BB94FBF

Anonymous said...

Indeed life happens to us all differently..i am 27 years 2month virgin and an msc holder never had any serious relatiinship.i am xoxo petit and good looking. My 1st was when i finished sec. Sch & the guy then was presurising me for sex & am not ready so i quit then. 2nd was when i was about to go for my youth service we were introduced & we got along but but i think he wasnt so comfortable with the much differnce in stature i percieved that because gradually he withdraw but i had to let go. All along now 3years ago no one though i see admirers but it dosent gaet to the atage of relationship. I have learnt in the cos of years to work alot on my self as none of my friends is aware that i never had a relationship they feel i just hide my man from them except for my family also am closer to God as thats were my strength lies for i know who ever trust in God will not be put to shame for there is a reason for every situation. I am a core muslim but also i read the bible like theres no other thing to read this situation have just molded me cos what can i do is it when you feel u need a companion or lack of money trust or even a true friendship its hard really it is....you aint alone and one thing is there are several cases worst than yours...will you even dare to be promiscious when guys aint even lookn at your end is it possible but it is believed and known that DELAY IS NOT DENIAL
for every person that as similar or othwr psychological issues wouldnot mind to help as i am also a victim of this situation and also a certifield PYSCHOLOGIST.. for brief session to help you gain insight that therea more to life i can be reach via 7BB94FBF

Amunidara said...

Relax! U are just 24

Amunidara said...

Relax! U are just 24

Anonymous said...

Indeed life happens to us all differently..i am 27 years 2month virgin and an msc holder never had any serious relatiinship.i am xoxo petit and good looking. My 1st was when i finished sec. Sch & the guy then was presurising me for sex & am not ready so i quit then. 2nd was when i was about to go for my youth service we were introduced & we got along but but i think he wasnt so comfortable with the much differnce in stature i percieved that because gradually he withdraw but i had to let go. All along now 3years ago no one though i see admirers but it dosent gaet to the atage of relationship. I have learnt in the cos of years to work alot on my self as none of my friends is aware that i never had a relationship they feel i just hide my man from them except for my family also am closer to God as thats were my strength lies for i know who ever trust in God will not be put to shame for there is a reason for every situation. I am a core muslim but also i read the bible like theres no other thing to read this situation have just molded me cos what can i do is it when you feel u need a companion or lack of money trust or even a true friendship its hard really it is....you aint alone and one thing is there are several cases worst than yours...will you even dare to be promiscious when guys aint even lookn at your end is it possible but it is believed and known that DELAY IS NOT DENIAL
for every person that as similar or othwr psychological issues wouldnot mind to help as i am also a victim of this situation and also a certifield PYSCHOLOGIST.. for brief session to help you gain insight that therea more to life i can be reach via 7BB94FBF

Anonymous said...

Indeed life happens to us all differently..i am 27 years 2month virgin and an msc holder never had any serious relatiinship.i am xoxo petit and good looking. My 1st was when i finished sec. Sch & the guy then was presurising me for sex & am not ready so i quit then. 2nd was when i was about to go for my youth service we were introduced & we got along but but i think he wasnt so comfortable with the much differnce in stature i percieved that because gradually he withdraw but i had to let go. All along now 3years ago no one though i see admirers but it dosent gaet to the atage of relationship. I have learnt in the cos of years to work alot on my self as none of my friends is aware that i never had a relationship they feel i just hide my man from them except for my family also am closer to God as thats were my strength lies for i know who ever trust in God will not be put to shame for there is a reason for every situation. I am a core muslim but also i read the bible like theres no other thing to read this situation have just molded me cos what can i do is it when you feel u need a companion or lack of money trust or even a true friendship its hard really it is....you aint alone and one thing is there are several cases worst than yours...will you even dare to be promiscious when guys aint even lookn at your end is it possible but it is believed and known that DELAY IS NOT DENIAL
for every person that as similar or othwr psychological issues wouldnot mind to help as i am also a victim of this situation and also a certifield PYSCHOLOGIST.. for brief session to help you gain insight that therea more to life i can be reach via 7BB94FBF

Anonymous said...

This is not easy. It has happen to me and people kept saying, nne when are we coming to ur d day abd i kept saying soon. I ve just done my intro and will be wedding by easther. I stayed for years without sex and meaningful relship. I kept praying and waiting on the Lord. Mehnn...it wasnt easy #fact but God is always on time. God gave me d best. Right now, i dnt remember those wasted years. Isaiah say: those that wait upon the lord shall renew back their strength...

PROUD OWNER OF A PHONE said...

iiiiiish which one is you cant even tell how it happened? so you cant tell the difference between being fucked with or without a condom? if so,then honey you shouldn't be fucking at all. what rubbish am i even reading sef? mtcheeeeeew

PROUD OWNER OF A PHONE said...

nne at 24 you are too young to start having HBP over men. focus on building ya career, men will come, you seem like the type that loves to be in a relationship ALWAYS. here is my advice stop watching telemundo and zee world.it messes with your Psyche and makes you want to have what you see on tv lol. be you, be yoursef,work n your self esteem and men will come.
but this life sef ehn, here is somebody wanting just one man and i have plenty disturbing my peace of mine and sanity. sometimes i wish i can just marry some of them sef lol. why cant a woman marry plenty husbands sef? mtcheeeeew life aint fair mhen.

Anonymous said...

Useless loose girls everywhere,why did you end up choosing celibacy? You think virgin's are stupid,now you have learnt your lesson may God be with you.

Natachi Adogameh said...

Chikito I love your comment honestly. Lol@ 1 salmon is more expensive than 5 croaker. Poster don't worry yourself about anything happening right now, even the Bible says be anxious over nothing. Ur super dude is being moulded for only u right now. Focus on u, love yourself, improve yourself, fellowship with God and leave the rest. Hugs dear

Anonymous said...

Instead of you to enjoy your life you're hunting for missing rib!!

Love made me said...

So on point chikito...

Olivia Dominic said...

This comment cracked me up

Anonymous said...

At 23+ i noticed that the number of guys flocking around me reduced at 24 it has reduced drastically. So be patient. Maybe one rejected stone will become the cornerstone.

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

You are? Nice oh! There's money in private practice. Home counselling sessions too. Charge per hour. Good luck!! πŸ‘

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

Haha @ plenty husbands. My own is I wish I can select all the good qualities from all of them and mold a man. I sometimes envy my friends who had only one taster and one relationship that progressed to marriage. They don't know any other 'thing' apart from that man only. His flaws and perfections. Me I'd be mixing and matching - as if I'm pairing paent and bra πŸ˜‚

MrsB said...

Believe me, you don't need so many people on your neck. Take time to focus on yourself, find yourself. I said find yourself because from your writeup, you give your all in relationships and practically build your life around who you're dating. Date yourself, go out to see a movie alone or with friends, read a lot more, expand your horizons. Discover you and set your goals and tasks. All these Toasters and Microwaves self na distractions self. When the right one comes along [because he will] you would be too much of a total package and everything will fall into place.

DonMayor �� said...

Thank you.

Dre said...

I just wanna say to Empress Cho and Chikito. I love you guys so much. I've sent a Chronicle here and your advice were like soothing balm yet full of wisdom. You both are among the wise, mature and compassionate BVs on this blog and I must say you've really touched my life. Keep up the good work and never let the haters stop you.

Dre said...

Wise words Empress.
I learn each time I read your comments (advice).
You'd make a good counselling psychologist coz you've got the gift.

Anonymous said...

Dear Ronalda, how can someone contact you?

Anonymous said...

I feel that way too.
Sometimes, I get only one or two toasters in one whole year. But we aren't looking to date all the men are we?? We are waiting for that special one and only God can bring him to us.
You're still very young and shouldn't worry about relationships for now. This should be a phase where you go into friendships to learn about men and about yourself. This is what I did in my twenties in addition to finishing school and getting a job.
It's also good that you stay off pre-marital sex so you can be more focused and allow God work on you.
Goodluck.

Abi said...

Loool, JUST FREAKING 24 and u are sounding soo DESPERATE! It's like most Nigerian girls don't know anything apart from marriage..
Develop yourself, acquire knowledge, assets and explore the world!
Marriage doesn't make you happy..U would be the type that would stay in an abusive marriage just because you Want to be called Mrs..yup you sound that desperate and have absolute zero self esteem..
Then if you were me that is 32 and is still not married, what would you do? Although I have a doctor and an engineer/lawyer desperate to marry me..They are both not taking no for an answer, very great guys but I feel I haven't achieved what I want as a person before I get hitched so I can't get married..
Wow just 24? πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’..U ain't serious

Anonymous said...

Poster i quite understand your plight cause am likewise experiencing such and coincidentally we're of the same age, so i can tell it all as regards this issue. I had my first relationship at the age of 22 which didn't last up to 3months cos the guy broke up with me for reasons best known to him. I then made up my mind ever since then that i refuse to be an option to a guy but rather a priority. I hardly get toasters but the ones i eventually get have no iota of seriousness in them, all they are after is my shape since am an average height plus size lady. I will advise you get your mind off unnecessary thoughts and be engaged with one or the other, be it a job or a vocational training. I enrolled myself for fashion designing training since i couldn't get a job, that now make me less depressed about having a relationship or not. As regards your friends, ignore their way of life cause God's grace on us differs. All i know for sure is relationship delay is not denial, the Lord's will shall definitely come to pass. Keep your mind at rest babe. You can mail me through Enitan55555@gmail.com, that's if only you wouldn't mind us to motivate each other though

Fuck you said...

Thanks for this

Fuck you said...

Chikito πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ» 1 salmon is better than 5 croaker...I love ur comment

Anonymous said...

Poster i quite understand your plight cause am likewise experiencing such and coincidentally we're of the same age, so i can tell it all as regards this issue. I had my first relationship at the age of 22 which didn't last up to 3months cos the guy broke up with me for reasons best known to him. I then made up my mind ever since then that i refuse to be an option to a guy but rather a priority. I hardly get toasters but the ones i eventually get have no iota of seriousness in them, all they are after is my shape since am an average height plus size lady. I will advise you get your mind off unnecessary thoughts and be engaged with one or the other, be it a job or a vocational training. I enrolled myself for fashion designing training since i couldn't get a job, that now make me less depressed about having a relationship or not. As regards your friends, ignore their way of life cause God's grace on us differs. All i know for sure is relationship delay is not denial, the Lord's will shall definitely come to pass. Keep your mind at rest babe. You can mail me through Enitan55555@gmail.com, that's if only you wouldn't mind us to motivate each other though

Anonymous said...

Lol..me too...the first two relationships i had,i asked them out
.they ended up breaking up with me
.i asked them out cos no guy was forth coming.since 2013,no guy has said to me i love you ,i want to date u.ive tried all but the guys that would seem interested,would cut off all contact with me without no reason..without even meeting me

Anonymous said...

Babes, I don't think you have problems attracting toasters, I think it might be 2 things;

1. You're expensive; not financially but you will demand a men's time, respect, etc and someone who just wants to have a fling will sense that and stay away.

2. You have believed you don't attract toasters that you don't even see the guys that ask you out.

Define what you want for yourself and be happy, fall deeply in love with yourself and let that one guy meant for you find you, pursue you and love you.

Igbos say 1 palm frond is better than 500 ogiri leaves.

Also darling, a lot of girls lie and live in delusions, they call every guy who asks for their number chikers, every guy who smiles at them, even the ones that just want a booty call.

Fall in love with yourself and stop comparing because they that compare themselves with others are not wise

psychic biblio said...

She really isn't alone. Sometimes I feel this way but it's not about how many people you meet or date. It just takes one person. And you may not necessarily have to kiss a lot of frogs first.

Anonymous said...

This life is a funny place.
This doesn't only relate to you ladies. I also have a few friends including myself. Hard working, earning well and looking for a meaningful relationship with a decent enough lady (inward & outward)
I guess its just how the universe balances things up but I pray our paths collide somehow and on time.
I have also learnt a lot form all these comments. I see really beautiful women but i get discourage by this voice always saying 'guy what makes you think shes not taken"
Its hard to truly understand or believe you'll see beautiful and decent woman on the street who is vacant.
Well, na to dey try now... A no doesn't kill I guess. Lol

Anonymous said...

you are still very young. work on your bad habits and pray for the right man to come.dont be uptight, be friendly and dont set too many high standards of the man you want. i am 36 and regret setting too much high standard that i find it difficult to like just any guy except you meet my specs almost 100%.my last relationship was 3 years ago. strange right?

reemah said...

Niiiiiice!

Anonymous said...

@ Annoy 9.01am if you are in your thirties holla at me

Anonymous said...

@Abi , abeg send the remaining 2 to me, make i select one. since its just one you would pick #winks

Anonymous said...

Empress cho,Chikoto.God bless you guys!!!

Anonymous said...

Empress cho!!! (my blog crush) I love you, you're so wise. Thanks for sharing from your wealth of knowledge.

Anonymous said...

Another blog crush.I always look out for your comments.Thanks for being so consistent!

Anonymous said...

Awwwh chikoto...please don't stop with the epistles. Some of us learn from them. Very wise words spokenπŸ‘†

Anonymous said...

We don hear na.Wetin ?

Favoured Chick said...

Sometimes, Love finds us when we are not looking. Focus on your life, make friends with people, love yourself and enjoy your company and then you will get to know what you want in a man. With all these, You will know when you meet the right man.

Favoured Chick said...

Sometimes, Love finds us when we are not looking. Focus on your life, make friends with people, love yourself and enjoy your company and then you will get to know what you want in a man. With all these, You will know when you meet the right man.

Anonymous said...

You are better! Mine ended 10 years ago when I was 29 and I am still single.
I have decided to enjoy life and whatever will be will be.

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