Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: My Divorce Story -5

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Friday, 27 January 2017

My Divorce Story -5

Sometimes looking back sometimes help find closure...






Hello Stella. May God keep greasing your elbows for us, your blog rocks. Stella, my divorce story is a very long one, my childhood(in a domestic violence filled home) and the events that led to my marriage and break up was detailed in Chronicles on this link - www.stelladimokokorkus.com/2015/12/chronicle-of-blog-visitor-narrative_20.html?m=1.



This divorce story is more like an update of events that followed my moving out.

In summary, for the benefit of those that would not have the time to click on the link above and read. I married my friend and helper whose tribe is different from mine, he took care of me through my remaining days in school as I lost my parents, he became my mum and dad. My family objected the marriage because my dad especially had a special hatred for that tribe when he was alive. Only one of my uncles supported us and we married. We had a son in the following year. 


Then, he had problems at work and he was sacked, all the company's properties in our possession were seized and I became the bread winner. Unfortunately this man fell into depression, he was frustrated as another job did not locate him. However, he did not allow me to be the bread winner in peace and the argument soon degenerated into fights, I became an emotional wreck which affected my job and subsequently led to my sack. I couldn't leave as I had no one to turn to, I was an orphan, the only man, an uncle who supported my marriage had died too leaving his two children who were too young to confront my ex. His family too tried, but the man would not change.


Well, I gathered my little savings and opened a restaurant. Planning to leave when the business stands. In one of his 'skoin skoin' moments, he went in the night and set fire on my restaurant, seized my certificates and swore to render me useless.


I left him and went to stay with one of my cousins whose late dad was in good terms with me, I was a complete shadow of myself.

Well, as expected he came crying and begging, he did this for weeks and his relatives also joined promising me that his joblessness caused the beatings and that he had secured another job. That was the summary of the story in the chronicles.

I later decided to do my investigation and probably give him another chance as many Bvs advised but discovered that he was still jobless and lives off women. I begged and settled with my remaining relatives, they returned his dowry and I moved on with my life without any certificate and financial capability to go to my former school and get them back.

I did all kinds of jobs to make ends meet and take care of my son.

Today, I have a small business by the roadside which feeds us courtesy of Angel California gold who gave out 30k each to 3 women few months ago on this blog.

 My son who will be five this year have not been to school since the break up. I couldn't afford it but with this business, I'm planning on getting an accommodation of my own, return my son to school and live my life by God's grace this year.


Do I regret marrying him? yes I do but then, the mess strengthened me, it made me learn to stand on my own. I had thought I would not be able to survive without him, he was my only close family, my best friend. All the same, I thank God for the journey so far. It can only get better.

Lessons learnt;

1 Never allow a man to take up your responsibilities giving him hope that you will marry him. I felt I owed him marriage after helping me to round up my schooling and caring for me even though I loved him. But with my family's objection, had he not spent on me, maybe I wouldn't have married him.


2 Obey your family when it comes to marriage partner. They see what we cannot see. Make sure they endorse your union and be in good terms with them.

3 Save, I repeat Save and have your own money while married no matter how caring and loving your spouse is.

4 When you decide to leave him, go far away from him and establish yourself, don't stay near him and don't remain in his house and be doing your business. I established the business and planned to leave when it stands but he destroyed it in one of his 'skoin skoin' moments.


5 Lastly, be determined to stand on your own and make things work for you if your marriage fails. Shame your ex with your success. That is what I'm determined to do.

This is my story and thanks for reading it.
Enjoy your day.


Thank you for sharing your story.

69 comments:

Anonymous said...

Its hard to understand the mental break down that comes with the inability to cater for your family as a man. Am sure before he lost his job he was good to you. I don't blame him I blame the situation because its hard for women to cope or handle such situation without driving the man but. God may I never be jobless for my sanity sake.Amen

Yori Yori Princess Loveme Jeje said...

hmmmmmmm very painful. May God comfort you and send you His grace that beautifies.

God will send hand lifters to you Amen.

Would have loved to send in something to you but i have budgeted my salary but lets see how it goes.

Take care.

Gbonju said...

God bless you and your son.

lolah said...

Hmmmm,is deep.

God will help u n see u tru.
Men re very very wicked.

Intelligentsia princess said...

It is well with your soul poster.
May God continue to provide all your needs

Yori Yori Princess Loveme Jeje said...

So it means i did not comment on that day. So what happened now.

So you all advised her to go back to her husband. Na wa for una ooo.

Madam thank God for you the foolish man no kill you.

pee said...

Ok I suggest u go to your school and apply to get back your certificate.then get a job no matter how Lil.let your shop be a part time biz.may God give you ur own man soonest

Maame Esi said...

Hmmmm, The Lord is your strength madam, it shall be well.

Anonymous said...

hmm

Villager said...

Ontil layons aff thier istorians, tells of the hont wheel alwares gloryfy the honter.

That beeing sayed, doze whu dunno the way to the rifer shool folow the trales of broaken calabassh.

Woman, may God blase the lebor of yuor Hans an open beta dors of grateness for yuo.

#A'dews.

Lululiscious said...

Alaseju

Anonymous said...

@villager what are you writing sef!!! I used to be able to read ur gibberish but now ,are you writing in German by any chance?!

becky naka said...

Sorry dear, be strong.

CUTEE said...

I remember this Chronicles. So you actually wanted to go back to him? Hmmm. Thank God for your life today. God bless that angel that helped you with funds to start up your small biz. May God open more doors for you and send more help to lift you up. It is well with you.

Faithful woman said...

"Go far away from him and start up". I learnt something new today. Thank you Stella for this segment. Poster, you shall prosper in your business, remain focused, is it a busy place? Forget your certtificates for now and face your business, no job in town and those that are working are being used like slaves, personal business is the best. I wish I had enough cash, I would have sent you something, this January is somehow.

Adanne said...

Your hustle will pay. Be strong for your son.

missylynn said...

Hmmmmmmm
It is well with you and your son
May God provide and see you through
Keep your faith strong.

Yemi7up said...

Eyah its money, poverty that broke the man down, he didn't handle his situation well and I can't blame you too staying alive is the only way you can tell the story today.

Daenerys_targaryen said...

Death is waiting for anyone that goes back to an abusive spouse. Find your sanity and move on and i'm sure pppl dt advised her can't remember the chronicle.

Kim Kardashian Aka portable queen of sdk blog said...

I kinda of agree with you @13:06
The man was good to here when the money was there.
Depression n his lack of job caused the whole problem.

Thank God u are free at last.
All the best.

VELS said...

Hmm.. thank God you are alive to take care of your son..The lord is your strength

PayUrsula said...

May God be with you in Jesus name Amen. Take good care of ur self nd ur son.

Moncoeur's behbeh said...

Eeeyah. God bless your hustle, have faith God will grant the desires of your heart. Am seriously praying for my marriage, sometimes I don't see us spending forever together. It is well with marriages of this days.

Anonymous said...

She probably cannot afford it.

Anonymous said...

Iz dees ones Anglais?

Makason said...

More of God's blessings madam.

SON OF SOLOMON said...

Why women always be saint/underdog in term of divorce..? Or all men are yoruba demon..? Can I even make common sense...?

St.FranKooL.... said...

#The longer you have to wait for something, the more you will appreciate it when it finally arrives*

Anonymous said...

In the chronicle you never tolfy us that he was the one who set your shop on fire. Guess the bitterness now made you realise he was the one who did it in his 'skoin' (whatever that means) moment. When love sours its really very dangerous. Your marriage didn't last not majorly because of disobedience, but because you abandoned God in your trouble time. You trusted man so much. That man may have been influenced but the prayer of a virtuous wife could have done a lot. Forget the societal 'I don't care attitude' . women should use the special gift of keeping a home which God gave them very well. Don't always think that divorce is the end. Those telling you to divorce can not do it if the table turns.

Chu said...

I understand those blaming the circumstances, but the character of a person shows in the tough times. The fire can either burn or refine, you choose the path you want. He got overwhelmed by situations and lashed out at his wife, now the repercussion is on the whole family, especially the son who did not ask to be part of the drama.

Lady C said...

Yori yori,we dnt need unnecessary information.

IJAY said...

May God continue to bless your hustle, is well with you and your son

Virtuous woman said...

Poster, it is well with you, your story really touched me. Anyway send me an email with your phone no. Will like to talk more with you. God bless. Chiduotalor@gmail.com.

keke driver said...

A man should never lay his hands on a woman. no matter what? your ex should have been grateful that you even had a job...God will take care of you and your son.

Uriel (Freshdew) said...

It is well with you.

Bashiru Idowu said...

😂

Bashiru Idowu said...

😂

Anonymous said...

Dis loveme jeje is mentally imbalanced.
She talks through her anus. Ode!

Mao Akuh said...

On point.
If one's marriage foundation is not laid on Jesus the Solid Rock, divorce or dv might occur.

charitybino said...

May the peace of the Lord be with you and your ex husband

Anonymous said...

This story made me sad
Poster, please send your contact to Stella
Just continue to trust in GOD and you will smile eventually

Honey said...

Thanks for posting my story Stella. God bless you. Thanks all for your encouragement and prayers..

Anonymous said...

I'm worried about the fact that your son is not in school. Is there no one to help with his fees at all?

Cynthia Iyede said...

It is well with you.

Anonymous said...

Dis love me jeje na wetin de worry u sef?abi o se' re'? Ki lo shi e' nor'? Are u ok? Are u sure ders notin wrong with ur mendula oblongata?u talk too much for a lady!u too garrulous for my liking!i really pity ur boyfriend!and d tin wey de pain me be say ur yarn abi na talk,na opata talk!very empty! Am sure na sawdust de dat ur empty brain! Kai! I just tire for u for dis sdk blog I swear!if u don't wanna help d poor woman,u no go shut dat cesspit u call mouth up?na only u de work?abi na only u de collect salary? Kai! Ur matter de give me migraine abeg mk I just sign out! U de really piss me off baje baje! Gaddamit!

Bravitudenaturals ,oils,butters,blacksoap,honey,bwax,henna,turmeric,cinnamon etc 08132617478 lagos said...

Poster it is well,God will help you. Pls put your son back in school even if it's a public school

Anonymous said...

Dis love me jeje na wetin de worry u sef?abi o se' re'? Ki lo shi e' nor'? Are u ok? Are u sure ders notin wrong with ur mendula oblongata?u talk too much for a lady!u too garrulous for my liking!i really pity ur boyfriend!and d tin wey de pain me be say ur yarn abi na talk,na opata talk!very empty! Am sure na sawdust de dat ur empty brain! Kai! I just tire for u for dis sdk blog I swear!if u don't wanna help d poor woman,u no go shut dat cesspit u call mouth up?na only u de work?abi na only u de collect salary? Kai! Ur matter de give me migraine abeg mk I just sign out! U de really piss me off baje baje! Gaddamit!

soul child said...

Stop this rubbish. You are giving me a headache 😬

Anonymous said...

I would have gone back and pretended all is well, get my certificate and disappear.

sholetoga said...

It's the lessons learnt that got to me. If you had gone back to the depressed man. How would you have written this for others to learn from........God will bless the little you're doing now

Anonymous said...

Thank God for you poster and thank God i know stella's blog now i'm still single. We all have to be careful and prayerful b4 settling for any man especially we orphans. Last year my friend introduced me to a guy that said he's searching for a wife, thank God i wasn't desperate, only 5 months it took for his true colours to show. "You re not serious, bla bla cos i was on mermaid pose, u will soon make me to get a gal pregnant, told him why u neva give gal belle since? What are u waiting for? And he gave me thunderous slaps, i took off. Only for him to give his aunty phone, to call me and beg, told her NO! He started calling my sis, crying and Begging. Have been at peace since i peeled him out haba! Told my friend n the yeye gal said, babe make you manage am na husband no dey, biko kwa husband no dey, husband no dey, shebi i should enter market, catch any mad man n marry him? I pray God gives us all the right partner, i know we orphans are most vulnerable, as we might think its an escape route. Stella thank you for this your blog, at least i now know few characteristics of an abusive man.

Anonymous said...

PG18
Madam ur story sweet for your mouth, but if we ask ur ex him own too go sweet for him mouth. A man dose not just go from good to bad in one day. Im sure u were misbehaving like most women cos u wer the new kid on the block.from ur story u like money too much,cos u said all was good when he was providing and u married him cos he was giving you money and taking care of you.na people like you mame timaya sing (when money no dey)madam go back to your urhusband or else you wont see peace.
ASHAWO WAS 1's A VIRGIN

Anonymous said...

PG18
Ideot woman, like say the man still get work and buy you big jeep you for divorce am? Now he no get u run away.im very sure you got tge man upset and disappointed.when he had money he was buying you everything, when e dint have 200 MTN card from u, make you shout at him and he was angry because when he had buying things was no issue, but now he needs from you.trouble done come.most women are like that. I know so cos me my eye dones see.
ASHAWO WAS 1's A VIRGIN

Anonymous said...

PG18
Dont waste your money on the woman,she is no good. If you most help, help the ex.she was with him when the going was good,but ran away when things got bad.yeye woman.now looking for help drom innocent BV's
ASHAWO WAS 1's A VIRGIN

Anonymous said...

PG18
As for me the man is the victim here a good man turned bad by a bad wife.wife for food na e you be.
ASHAWO WAS 1's A VIRGIN

Anonymous said...

PG18
My prayer is for your husband to get a new job, a job better than the one he had before and i know you will go back begging him to take you back and my prayer is for him to say NO but take his son and give him the best in life and also teach the poor child how to be a good man and how to beware of danger women like you.
ASHAWO WAS 1's A VIRGIN

Anonymous said...

Who is this anon that is just having pepper body for this woman? Na wa ooo!

Eloho said...

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Pipi Lee said...

You have sense.

Anonymous said...

All of u justifying his actions are fools. Nothing should drive a man up to the extent that he beats his wife and destroys her hard earned business. Misery likes company but he should have encouraged her and not tried to pull her down too

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

I just went to that link and saw where I adviced you to go back to your husband and build your home. I'm guessing you did.

Well, I'm sorry if I'm part of the reasons you did. A very sad story indeed. How does hot love go sour? Can imagine you going from big man's wife to selling by the roadside to feed. Please be strong. Be strong for your son. Hmmm.... Na wa oh! This life....

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

Please don't ever get too secure in your job. Have side income. The job market and sustainability in Nigeria is very poor. When they sack they dpmt look back they take it all. We are yet to get to that point where u work somewhere for 50 years and retire honourably- except it's Govt. Job Especially in this recession, have side income oh....

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing. Your story gives many women like myself the courage to walk away from abusive marriages. My husband of two years hit me a few days weeks ago while we were quarreling and we are currently seperated because of that. A part of me just wants to leave the marriage completely and move on but a few pple have been trying to tell me that I should stay and make it work. I'm only 27 and we have no kids yet. I fear that this new trend of my husband being physically abusive towards me may linger and get worse. I'm just confused. Should I move on now before kids get involved and he does it again and again and we become engaged in a bitter divorce and child custody battle? I have a deep feeling that even if I stay , the marriage may not work as I have lost all trust in him. I never believed my husband will hit me and till today he has not showed remorse. What do u guys think?

Anonymous said...

When it comes to issues in marriage..women are saints imagine if dis guy did nt lose his job things will be fine...he helped u when u were in sch.. And was dis d right time to leave him?.the question i will ask d lady was..ow was ur behaviour towards him during dis period...

Anonymous said...

This the arrow of the devil. Destroy marriages. Besides pressure shows your real character be it height of success or poverty. He had no character beside he was weak spiritually

Baby Oku said...

You all blaming the woman for leaving now are utterly stupid.....are u guys blind? So cos he has lost his job he should be beating her? Did you not read where he set her restaurant on fire? Una dey craze...and u anonymous 22:05 you need to start taking your meds again cos you are obviously a psychiatric case....

Anonymous said...

You said it yourself. No remorse. What stops him from doing it again? It's your life, you are the one in it, do what your guts tell you. If to walk, walk, if to go on and ride this storm, by all means. May God help you.

Beautiful Eagle said...

I wish you slapped him harder. Anuofia!

Beautiful Eagle said...

So because the man helped the woman while she was in school, she should stay with him and let him beat her like a goat? When she was in school, was she frustrated to the point of beating the man?

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