Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Saturday In House Gists...

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Saturday, 7 January 2017

Saturday In House Gists...

Time to make us Laugh.....You guys think its easy to make someone LOL right?Lets go!





The winners takes it ALL...2k worth of recharge cards.
The Collators will post rules and regulations to picking a winner.


180 comments:

peace maker said...

Good

Elastic said...

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, 'Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!'

The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer. A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, 'Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I'll break one of your arms!'

The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his tongue in the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says to the officer, 'Go ahead!'

#DontQuoteMe(Copied)

marriedchick said...

Man: every time you smile i just feel like taking you to my place
Girl: (smiles)awww... Are u single?
Man: I'm a dentist
#stolen

Isaacson said...

A pilot was transporting a bunch of madmen from Lagos to a psychiatric facility in Johannesburg, South Africa. The madmen were making noise and suddenly, one of them entered the Pilot’s Cabin;
MADMAN: Teach me how to fly a plane!
PILOT: I would, but under one condition.
MADMAN: What?
PILOT: If you can get your colleagues to keep quiet.
(5 minutes later, the plane was eerily quiet!)
PILOT: Wow! How did you get them to keep quiet?
MADMAN: I opened the door and asked them to go and play outside

#copied hehehehe

Beloved said...

Rules and regulations :
*Anonymous gist is invalid
*Each person is only entitled to one gist, multiple entry get you
disqualified for any win
*You must state the source of a gist ie either #copied or #original

*The reactions on your gist also boost your chances of winning ie the number of lol/lmao/hahahaha etc
*Anonymous /PLASTIC blog id votes don't count

Anonymous said...

Best online business making waves now is Greenspeer. No Referal link needed, everyone registers directly from the website. Don't dull dis 2017. www.greenspeer.com

miss priya said...

Congratulations to the winner.

Obinna said...

Happy to see the first Saturday of the year! TGIS!
Good day skders!!
Here is it.

CORRUPTION CYCLE:
HOD to Lecturer: Sell these books to students for 5k each"

Lecturer to Course Rep: Sell these text books to your people for 6k each"

Course Rep to Course Mates:"the lecturers textbook is N6,500, if you don't buy it na carryover o"

Students to Mothers: Mum they said we should buy textbook for 8k, if not i will not write the exams o"

Mother to Husbands: Darling, this our child lecturers have come again o, how can dey ask students a textbook for 10k and the deadline is Monday o"

My people why are we blaming Buhari 4 d hike in prices na?
Lol.
#copied.
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Anonymous said...

Okay now....bring it on people. We need fun and laughter to ease some stress joor *shines teeth*

snow white said...

A Nigerian teacher was sent to China to teach.... The first day he entered the class and was roll calling,
He called out name, "Sheng", a student stood up and answered "Present sir".
He called the second name "Chu Muon ", another student answered "Present sir".
.
Suddenly he sneezed "Hatchia". One student seated at the corner stood up and said, "present sir".
.
He surprisingly exclaimed, "Hmmm". All the students shouted "Absent sir".
.
At this moment, he got confused and said, "Chai". Three students immediately stood up and said, "Which of us sir?".
.
The teacher became even more confused and asked, "What is wrong"??
A student stood up and answered," Sir, I am not wrong. I am called Wong " Now the teacher could not help it but laughed out, " Hahaha ......" A girl stood up and answered, "Present sir"
The teacher collapsed in laughter...abeg I copied it o

Anonymous said...

Please a good divorce lawyer should drop his/her contact with Stella or better still drop it as a comment ASAP pleaaase.

SANDY ELLA said...

I and my family went for my dad's one year remembrance in the village,on our way back to lagos we boarded chisco bus at owerri we had to wait for the one coming from Aba.no one told us that the driver and bus conductors from aba are very ruthless, na so we enter journey start they didn't even stop for someone to urinate or get anything we finally got to Ore around 8pm someone wanted to come down from the bus so mumsy asked me to check so they won't carry our own luggage in the boot, as I was about entering the bus na so bus leave me go for ORE. O boy I pursue bus pursue bus for where bus don go far I didn't even know if I should scream or faint and was with 500naira.no fone on me that was how I jejely flagged one danfor to drive straight I didn't even mind if the chisco bus had gotten to lagos or not. But fortunately for me I saw my mum jerking the bus conductor were they parked waiting for me the man didn't even have the decency to apologise. when I remember that day I don't know if to laugh or get angry

Mbaliri Justus said...

When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.

Copied

Posh said...

Hmmmmmmm! @ Last Pastor Adeboye ardor down as the GO of RCCG! Pastor Obayemi steps in. I just hope he will command the respect Daddy Adeboye did!

AbaMade said...

How to deal with someone who disturbs you with calls....Go to OLX, advertise iPhone 7 for N50,000, leave his number as a contact, then sit back, smile and drink chilled coke. Then watch God fighting your battle #copied#

James' hater said...

This happened when we were in SS3, on this very night two lovebirds in my class decided to gbensh. So they proceeded to the long hall not knowing that the security man was there. During the act the security man woke up (don't know if it was the oohs and ahhs that worked the magic). The said guy is popular cos of his height, he was the tallest in school then, so you can spot him anytime any day. So the couple ran back to the hostel, the security man was just shouting and complaining bitterly,we tried to calm him down. The security officer was just visibly annoyed, he stated his reason for being angry as; umuaka rara m otu Na isi (these children fuck on top my head). That's how the whole class knee that the tall guy gbenshed the girl. It was funny then

That IjawGirl said...

first time commenting πŸ™ˆ

missylynn said...

A crowd gathered at an accident scene.A smart and noisy journalist called Alexander Kruger wanted to get the story first hand..
"Make way,i am de victim's father"
He shouted. I said I am de victim's father!!,He continued shouting.Slowly de crowd pave way for him.On getting there,lying lifeless in front of the car was a #GOAT...lolz.
#Copied.

NiKi Posh said...

That awkward moment when, during evangelism, a prostitute at the other side of the road shouts: “customer!!!” and waves at you...πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

Miss Ferragamo said...

I see In house gists and all my funny experiences suddenly disappear from my head😠

code009 said...

I was caught in between bets when I was paid to mc an end of the year party one part of the office said I should joke about the manager and he sensed it he called me to joke about the deputy. Emmmm he asked for my account number I gave him I prepared to put him on line party started, jokes were thrown in as I wanted to ask him to stand up alert entered I felt the vibration, I checked 25k from the manager I shouted Oga deputy where u dey.... The rest u knw

300k White berry said...

I made 300k from this blog and so what? just laff and pass jor

Gracepersonified said...

It happened that a cousin of mine went visiting a family during festive period, she likes eating vegetables; just that she stopped taking it ever since she discovered that she reacts badly to it. So during the visit she was served pounded yam with vegetables garnished with varieties of meat n all; as that was what the family prepared for themselves, she was sceptical about turning down the offer as she didn 't want them to feel bad after the warm reception, moreover the sight was tempting. That was how she gulped everything down and to say it was delicious was an understatement.. On her way home she boarded a bus, while the bus conductor was still calling passengers she started feeling discomfort in her stomach, she kept praying it doesn't worsen up. Next she knew she polluted and everyone dismissed immediately, even she joined in the rant; some got back in while the others declined and went away. They had to wait all over for more passengers, then the journey started and she started having the feeling all over again like she wants to pass gas, she was tensed cos she didn't want a re-occurence of what happened the first time, her only saving grace then was the bus was half-filled that was why they didn't get to know she was the culprit, but in this situation it will be glaring because even the person sitting close to her will know where the horrible smell was coming from. Saddening! She couldn't hold it in any longer, <> she thought she passed out gas but unluckily for her it was water poop and it kept coming out uncontrollably, she was putting on a skinny jean despite that she felt it dripping all over with a filthy smell..to say the rant in the bus was serious with abuses wasn't painful at all but the pitiful stare was alarming..some people said 'fine girl like this oga o', 'only God know what she has eaten wey na we dey suffer am', ';majority of this girls eat lots of rubbish that even their parents cant afford all cos ofawoof'. She was mute all through, tensed and embarrassed, when she got to her bus/stop and she alighted j was totally soiled! The stares were biting deep into her skin, she dragged her feet home, couldn't even take bike. She got home and started crying relayed all what happened to us after she had had a thorough shower and disposing all she had on. she has stayed clear of vegetables since the incidence..
#original#

miss Aboki the great said...

My friend and I went for a coursemate's wedding. We went late and all the seats were occupied. she saw a vacant chair somewhere in the hall and ran towards it so as to claim the seat before me not knowing one of the legs was broken. immediately she sat down, she fell down yakata and a loud fart escaped from her anus.people were just telling her sorry sorry but me i laughed her very well.
#original

Jerry said...

thinking how to dump my sugarmom! she isnt paying much again. does that mean the recession is affecting her too ? how long will you meet up with the 350k you promised since dec. i just need another pls

olayemi phoebe said...

Hungry and BrokeThere were three men living together in London. An Afro-American, a West Indian and a Nigerian. They were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food.However upon coming close to a posh Londonrestaurant in this classy neighbourhood, they decided to come up with a plan.The Afro-American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal, the waiter came by with the bill. "LISTEN MY MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU!" - the Afro-American shouted! The waiter was very confused because he could not remember being paid. But because he did not want to cause any trouble, he let the brother leave.Five minutes later, the West Indian walked intothe same restaurant and ordered a five coursemeal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for the food. "HEY, HEY, LOOK AT ME CROSSES. BUT AH PAID YOU ALREADY!" - theWest Indian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the West Indian, because he did not want anything to upset the other customers. He let the guy go.Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. And you know how we are. He sat down. Lit up a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu, plus two bottles of Beer. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal, But before the Nigerian could say anything, the waiter spoke to him."Sir, I have been having all sorts of problems all day and I can't understand it. Twoother people like you came in earlier and ate, and they say that they paid me but I don't remember getting any money from them so, " Before he could finish, the Nigerian interrupted, rather emphatically, "OGA I SORRYFOR YOU OOOO. BUT DAT NA YOUR PROBLEM. I JUST WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY CHANGE!!" #copied

Florence Komolafe said...

An igbo man, Yoruba man and Hausa man who were lost in a forest were captured by cannibals. The king of d cannibals told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The 1st step was to go deep into d forest n get ten (10) pieces of d same kind of fruits. The three men went their separate ways to gather fruits. The Yoruba man came back and said to d king, "I brought ten (10) apples", d king explained d trial to him, 'you have to swallow d fruits without any expression on your face or you will be killed. The 1st apple went in, but on d 2nd one, he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The Igbo man arrived and showed d king ten (10) berries. When d king explained d trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy, 1,2,3,4 ,5,6,7,8 n on d ninth(9th) berry, he burst out in laughter and was killed. The Yoruba man n Igbo man met in heaven. The Yoruba man asked, "why did you laugh?", you almost got away with d trial", the Igbo man replied,"I couldn't help it, I saw the Hausa man coming with Watermelons.copied

Pipi Lee said...

Hahahahahahahahaha

Pipi Lee said...

Lol

Pipi Lee said...

Hahaha

Pipi Lee said...

Lol

Pipi Lee said...

Lol

Pipi Lee said...

Hahahahaaha

Priceless Jewel said...

hahahaha!!!!
You is wicked.

damilola oluwaseun said...

so here is my own story I hope it put smile on someone's face.
sometimes in 2011, in my department we were asked to go for training in any branch of agriculture, na so I carry my greedy head choose apiculture (bee keeping) as that was what was reigning then, bee keeping is productive nd lucrative. As a matter of fact I don use head calculate my gains if I were to learn nd start production.
when we resume we were given some rules like no wearing of perfume, spray, red clothings nd no noise making whenever we are to visit the hives.i was the one that asked our coordinator reasons for the rules during our orientation o.
Few days to the end of the programme na so my enemies send my enemy package of disgrace in form of perfume through my Ex.i took my bath, wore a nice combination of cloth, carry perfume nd use nd I was feeling fly not knowing what was in store for me that day.i got to the centre, do my usual kukere waka all in the name of greetings o, I sat down after every every after so minutes, na so one spirit tell me to go and check the hive that the bees will be calm as at then as the weather is still cool, na so I call my innocent nd lamb like friend to go with me after pleading, another inquisitive entity like me followed me making the 3 of us.Due to the fact that we were meant see 'gburu' that day, none of us noticed I was wearing perfume!iya ma je mi lojo yen o (I suffered that day).As we were approaching the hive, I noticed a bee cycling my head, I targeted it nd brought it down claiming champion! we continued, we haven't taken more than 3 steps when I noticed another 2, shebi my head suppose booth, my friend told me she wouldn't go further I said dont worry ko sewu! another step 2 don increase to like 5, the third person at this stage has turned back.i stubbornly proceeded claiming the bee are just waking up nd are on their way to scout for food (like am their time keeper) I haven't finished this statement when I felt a ring like sound in my head (like those church bells).
Na that day I know say I get baritone voice!I was shouting egbami o! awon oyin ti ta mi o, mo yoju oran o.i ran like my like depended on it (it actually does) then I rember a certain number of sting is equal to death! I changed tone to e ma je n ku o! my noise attracted the workers nd the smoked them away.i managed to get my bag nd when home, I took my bath nd slept for hours like the dead nd that day marks the end of my training. someone had to help me sign my activity book.since then my stubbornness reduced a notch.thanks

damilola oluwaseun said...

so here is my own story I hope it put smile on someone's face.
sometimes in 2011, in my department we were asked to go for training in any branch of agriculture, na so I carry my greedy head choose apiculture (bee keeping) as that was what was reigning then, bee keeping is productive nd lucrative. As a matter of fact I don use head calculate my gains if I were to learn nd start production.
when we resume we were given some rules like no wearing of perfume, spray, red clothings nd no noise making whenever we are to visit the hives.i was the one that asked our coordinator reasons for the rules during our orientation o.
Few days to the end of the programme na so my enemies send my enemy package of disgrace in form of perfume through my Ex.i took my bath, wore a nice combination of cloth, carry perfume nd use nd I was feeling fly not knowing what was in store for me that day.i got to the centre, do my usual kukere waka all in the name of greetings o, I sat down after every every after so minutes, na so one spirit tell me to go and check the hive that the bees will be calm as at then as the weather is still cool, na so I call my innocent nd lamb like friend to go with me after pleading, another inquisitive entity like me followed me making the 3 of us.Due to the fact that we were meant see 'gburu' that day, none of us noticed I was wearing perfume!iya ma je mi lojo yen o (I suffered that day).As we were approaching the hive, I noticed a bee cycling my head, I targeted it nd brought it down claiming champion! we continued, we haven't taken more than 3 steps when I noticed another 2, shebi my head suppose booth, my friend told me she wouldn't go further I said dont worry ko sewu! another step 2 don increase to like 5, the third person at this stage has turned back.i stubbornly proceeded claiming the bee are just waking up nd are on their way to scout for food (like am their time keeper) I haven't finished this statement when I felt a ring like sound in my head (like those church bells).
Na that day I know say I get baritone voice!I was shouting egbami o! awon oyin ti ta mi o, mo yoju oran o.i ran like my like depended on it (it actually does) then I rember a certain number of sting is equal to death! I changed tone to e ma je n ku o! my noise attracted the workers nd the smoked them away.i managed to get my bag nd when home, I took my bath nd slept for hours like the dead nd that day marks the end of my training. someone had to help me sign my activity book.since then my stubbornness reduced a notch.thanks

Opeyemi said...

1. Early this morning, I had only N200 on me. So, I saw this little boy and sent him to buy me akara and bread.
I waited shaa ..then I saw him coming without akara nor bread, but he was sucking fΓ£n yogurt with pie. So I asked him where's my akara? ...he said when he was going to buy the akara and the N200 got missing. So on his way back to tell me my money has got missing ...he saw N200 on the floor and used it to buy his yogurt n pie.....
By Gods grace, The boy is still receiving treatment as we speak.

#Stolen

Jumiasalesagent contactme. said...

πŸ‡±πŸ‡΄πŸ‡§πŸ‡¦πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡¦πŸ‡³

IF UR GIRLFRIEND SENT U THIS LETTER AND IT IS READ BY UR
SISTER, HOW WILL U FEEL???

Letter from Sikira of Ilorin

Dear olalekan, longs time no see. If they say is water that
will cook fish finish, I will not belif it. Is this how other
lofers are behafe to theirself?

U haf refus to call me for
the past one mont. and if I tries ur numba, mtn will be
say your numba is unreach, is unreach.

You refus to fisit me efen when u ear that my father haf contract guinea worm. Is this how to treat ur in-laws? I know we
haf not marry but I know uer my horseband from
heafen.

Efri day when I am wake up, uer the first person I see. Roshida tell me for last week that she see u with one girl in front of Mr big. She efen tell me that u hog together.

If u think u can leaf me uer decive urself. Olalekan,olalekan, how many times I call u? It will not be better for anybody that wan to scatter our middle.

Any way the mane purpose of my letter is to tell u that I haf took in for u. I go for testing yesterday to confarm it.
My grandmar talk that it be like am carrying twins. I
haf been fery fery happy since yesterday. I haf give the twins name o......sifau and musibau.

I don't sure if u like it. Come n see me tomorrow bcos I am fery weak now. Silifa, my younger sister, comes home with her boyfriend
yesterday.if u see d boy,very Hansome but not up to you sha.he also get a swagger. I want u to get one too. Let I forget, please dont forget to send the money for the aso-
ebi for anti taiba's naming o.

The color is red and
yellow.Red for the 'buba', and yellow for the 'iro'. They said we can use any color for the 'gele'. But me I want to use blue. I will now wear that my green curf shoe.

I cannot wait to send you the photo. My lof, ten is happening in this world o. dont say I am the one that tell you o.i hear that it's not anti taiba's horseband that gif her the belle that she use to born the
pregnancy. True true, the baby is not resemble him. But what consign me?

I have tell efribody that my boyfriend is a enginia and they eager to see u. Yours frightfully. .Sikira. πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

#Copied, source unknown

Just Fab said...

Wow soo funny..pls am voting for elastic o

Quiksilver said...

Are you shy?

Priceless Jewel said...

Hohohohoho! I can only imagine.
This is extremely embarassing.

Miss Ferragamo said...

Lol

Anonymous said...

Lol

Anonymous said...

Lmao

Priceless Jewel said...

lol.

BluntChic (Ijebu/Ibibio blood) said...

Bv Elastic... You as deserve the card.

Don L'Perusky said...

I accompanied some friends to a Bach eve in some club on the mainland but unfortunately for us police came to raid at the club and as such we were all rounded up like criminals. After many pleas the police officer in charge agreed to release some persons that are couple with proof. That was how as a sharp guy that I am, I quickly pull one slim babe to my side and approach the officer claiming we are couple. The officer looked at the lady from head to toe then he flashed his touch light to a tatoo on her chest with the writing " money for hand, back for ground". It was then it dawn on me that I have made the wrong move. The officer shouted at me that young man respect yourself this olosho cannot be your wife. That was how we all end up at the police station.

LEONA said...

Lmao

Lora said...

Really?wow!
@d service ba?wow

LEONA said...

Lmao

LEONA said...

Lol

Anonymous said...

Its nt opening

Anonymous said...

Lol

Anonymous said...

What do you need a divorce lawyer for? Better wake up, Pray hard and ask the Lord to fix your home.
You think it's easier divorced?

Anonymous said...

What!!!!!

Miss independent #thats why I love her. said...

This happened when I was in secondary school.A boy let's call him Peter was always known for gisting his friends karate films.So he told one of his friends let's call him Emmanuel a movie (their original names withheld for security reasons) which was so interesting that Emmanuel told him to give him the film to watch. the following day Peter gave him the movie which was a white disk,at night when his dad finished listening to 9pm news.He went ahead to put on the film,lo and behold it was a pornography film in the presence of his family, his dad stood up and beat the daylight out of him.The following day, his dad stormed the school and was looking for Peter but for where the boy was afraid to come down to meet Emmanuel dad. My school teachers saved him and after the ordeal he said that he picked the film from his neighbors corridor and since that day we named him papa Bf

cherie mendez said...

Hehehe

AppleofGodseyeoriginal said...

Elohel,I hope u win dis time

cherie mendez said...

Impostor! #bringbackourwhiteberry#

AppleofGodseyeoriginal said...

Hian,which one is plastic blog id again?

ellΓ© said...

Lmao

cherie mendez said...

Disgusting!

FolyFrey said...

I really think there should be a section in exam answer booklet where you write what you know that wasn't set, just to prove that you read!!πŸ˜‘

People can think sha...
#Copied

AppleofGodseyeoriginal said...

Lol

Cynthia Iyede said...

For real? Aw!

ellΓ© said...

Lmao πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚

Miss Ferragamo said...

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Anonymous said...

Ure my winner here.

Teddy said...

Lol

Anonymous said...

I wan die.....hahahahaaaa

Teddy said...

Lol.old but gold

Taiwo Oluwatosin said...

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was farting because they don’t smell and are silent.”
The doctor says, “I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week.”
The next week the lady comes back.
“Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what you gave me, but now my farts…although still silent…stink terribly.”
The doctor says, “Good! Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your sound hearing.” lol, copied.

better pikin said...

This is actually funny, I would try it one of these days..

Rocky said...

Lol

Rocky said...

Lol.. Me too

Rocky said...

LMAO

Anonymous said...

I laf small,today get as e be for me

James' hater said...

Tehbra

Great lady said...

LETS LAUGH A LITTLE

Garbati : During an English lesson, the teacher
instructed his students to write a composition...!!!
Question: Assume you are in a war, write a story on your experience?Garbati did not write anything and kept seated.
The teacher got puzzled, walked to Garbati's desk and asked him why he was not doing the exercise.
Garbati replied, "I was killed immediately at the beginning of the war. πŸ˜€πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚


I'm not saying i hate my ex, am just saying that if i find her in hospital on life machine. I would unplug the machine and charge my phone. lol


Guys...That girl who refused to show me her breast in school
..she is now feeding her baby in a bus next to me.
God Is great.. πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚

That Awkward moment......... When u are laffin so hard with ur crush.... Den a HEAVY CATARRH jump out of ur nose...πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
FADALURD TAKE MY SOULπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚.

Android fones can be so annoying.how do I explain it? , I just received a notification now that my bible app needs update, pls wat does d bible need update for? Has Adam eaten another apple?


IPhone 7s earpiece is N67,000. My question is this...... will I be able to hear angel Micheal testing the trumpet two days before rapture??.

# TroubleMaking is when you are in a canoe in
the middle of a river, and you now start
singing "Mami water power, powerless
power..."


When you take a girl to ATM she will start apologizing for things she hasn't Done.
"Honey am sorry for shouting at you next week"

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚


When I get a Whatsapp Message asking me to forward it to
10 people or I die in 7 days. I close the message and wait for
death to come.

U are 33 year old and ur role model is emmanuella; can't u see the devil is using ur life to play naira bet?πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

#copied

Chilax said...

A very wealthy man had a Birthday party and he invited everyone in his town. In his Mansion, he had a big pool filled with alligators. So he announced that anyone who was able to swim across the pool and come out unarmed would be granted three wishes.

Immediately, there was complete silence, nobody wanted to risk his or her life. All of a Sudden, there was a big splash and AY was swimming like hell! He successfully came out alive.

He was then given a round of applause. Everyone was anxious to know what gave AY the courage to do it, but then, the host asked, "What are your three wishes?"

AY replied, "Give me a shotgun, 3 rounds of shells (bullets) and show me the idiot who pushed me inside the Pool!.
#COPIED

Ruth Hoffman said...

One fateful day, I was going to ajah market with my five year old daughter, as we crossed the road to alesh we saw a police man beating up a conductor, my daughter looked so surprised and looked up to me and said'mummy'i said 'yes?'she said,'in our exam my aunty said who protect us in the community and I underlined police, now I don't know if am wrong o'. If you see the look on her face eh. Lwkmd. *Original

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 14:18 pls call 08060726552

Balogun Rasheed said...

Three Thieves.
Three criminals are in the court for getting their punishment.
The judge says: I will give it corresponding to the number of
things you have stolen. The first man received just a year for a
can of sardine. The second one got 30 years for taking a tray
of eggs. Akpos appeared to be the least lucky, as he took a bag
of rice…
#copied#

KIDJO said...

Welcome back o.

tehila prima donna said...

Obinna was getting prepared to go back to school, and the dad begins to advice him.
Dad: obinna,
Obinna: yes dad!
Dad: when u get to school ,read ur books ooo!
Obinna; yes papa!
Dad: dont join bad gangs oo!
Obinna: yes papa!
Dad: good! Oya safe journey.
*Obinna gets to school, meets the student rioting, enters his room jejely as a good boy he promises to be*
Obinna's dad On hearing abt the riot calls his son to be sure his safe and not part of them.
Dad: obinna ooo,
Obinna: yes dad!
Dad: i hear say dem dey riot for ur school!
Obinna: yes oo papa.
Dad: hmmm, hope ur not outside oo?
Obinna: no oh papa am in my room.
Dad: correct! Dats my son. But wait oo, y are they rioting sef?
Obinna: ahh papa dey increased our school fees ooh from 30,000 to 80,000 oo papa!
Dad: eeehh!!!!!
Dad: where u say u dey now?
Obinna: papa i my room now.
Dad: wetin u dey do for there? My friend join dem!!!!
Obinna: ....but papa u said i should...(dad cuts him short)
Dad: my friend dont let me meet u inside dat room oo, I said join dem osiisor!!!! ...
Lolz...

tehila prima donna said...

Lolzz

GORRETI BAE said...

So on the 2nd, a filling station at d end of my street blew up.... It happened that I was seeing a movie wt my family wen we hrd GBOOSAA!! We all ran outside and saw fire coming towards our house oo.. (though not close oo..) before I could say jack Robinson, I no see my daddy again.. Na em everybody begin scramble for door ooo... Who wan die Kwanu?? Wen papa wey suppose protect us na em first tear race.. I dey run down the stairs case dey complain say I be like mad woman for my mama night wear Dat I wore to sleep.. It was wen I got downstairs that I saw people I was better than... All dose mama for yard wey dey form rheumatism na dem first Reach ground sef.. Our landlady wey dey form for over one year say she get stroke, I surprise say me wey be young gal wey run like Usain bolt for stair case reach down stairs see am. If landlady fly i no know.. If na miss she miss I no know too.. Na after dey Don quench d fire na em she remember say she suppose dey limp not walk normal..

Kim Kardashian Aka portable queen of sdk blog said...

LMAO
First time here

Wild Rose said...

WAHALA DEY OOO
Three University guys dodged exam because they did not study. They came up with a plan,got themselvesb dirty using grease, then went to see the Lecturer. ”Sir we are sorry we couldn't make it to the exam. We attended a wedding and on our way back the car broke down thus we became so dirty as you can see". The Lecturer understood and gave them three days
to prepare. After three days, they went to the Lecturer very ready for the exam because they had studied. The Lecturer put them in three separate classes with only four questions in the exam paper;
1. Who and who got married? (25 marks)
2. Where was the reception held? (25mks)
3. Where exactly did the car break down?
(25mks)
4.What type of car broke down? (25mks)
Marking scheme: your answers must be the same.!!
Good Luck. Lobatan.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
#copied

Wild Rose said...

WAHALA DEY OOO
Three University guys dodged exam because they did not study. They came up with a plan,got themselvesb dirty using grease, then went to see the Lecturer. ”Sir we are sorry we couldn't make it to the exam. We attended a wedding and on our way back the car broke down thus we became so dirty as you can see". The Lecturer understood and gave them three days
to prepare. After three days, they went to the Lecturer very ready for the exam because they had studied. The Lecturer put them in three separate classes with only four questions in the exam paper;
1. Who and who got married? (25 marks)
2. Where was the reception held? (25mks)
3. Where exactly did the car break down?
(25mks)
4.What type of car broke down? (25mks)
Marking scheme: your answers must be the same.!!
Good Luck. Lobatan.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
#copied

Peppi said...

Lol

Peppi said...

Hahhahah

Anonymous said...

Is dz someone's idea of a joke and you want to win.

Anonymous said...

I have been laughing since morning when a cute guy
stopped me at ikeja road and told me that he
is looking for GOOGLE PLAY STORE.
I asked him Google Playstore how?
he said his WhatsApp stopped working and his neighbour
told him to go to Playstore and download a new one.
Anyway as a good Samaritan I told him Playstore is no
longer @ ikeja, but they have relocated to ajah.
I then put him in a bus going to ajah.

πŸ˜‚


#copied

Tetrina said...

Hahahaha

Tetrina said...

Lol...

Esther Mgbolu said...

Lol

beeolah said...

Lol

beeolah said...

CRAZINESS :- Is when you buy BLACKBERRY PORSCHE of #350,000 and landlord dey pursue your mama cos of 12k HOUSE RENT for village.

FAITH :- Is using the last money on you to buy wallet.(wetin u go put inside d wallet)?

STUPIDITY :- Is having SIX BIG CARS while living in a rented apartment ( Eko for SHOW, Lagos mumu ) .

WEALTH :- Is when you buy a first class return ticket to UK just to pick up a forgotten wrist watch ( Money speaking ).

WASTAGE :- Is buying a big MANSION at Asokoro in Abuja and only your Mai-guard and House Maid dey live there ( Political armed robber ).

TROUBLE :- Is slapping a soldier in front of a quater guard in a barracks ( You may not live well enough to tell the story ).

IRONY :- Is having the chairman of an Okada Association driving a Range Rover Sport ( He cannot come and die na ).

FOOLISHNESS :- Is taking a #5,000 cab to watch a film of #1,000 at Eko Hotel...( Abegiii! Why you no fit wait for the pirated copy now ).

LOVE :- Is buying suya for your girlfriend while you eat only the onions with tears rushing from your eye ( You love her abi??? Hunger never deal with you ).

DIRTINESS :- Is when Cockroach, Rat, Ant, Spider becomes your Roommates and you say '' God created them for a purpose '' ( Na lie! Na money wey you go use buy trap, insecticide no dey ).

STINGINESS :- Is when you finish reading this and you didn't re-broadcast so that your friends can LAUGH too...........copied

sdk's first lady said...

Divorce is not an option sister

sdk's first lady said...

/brother

leema said...

Disgusting and dry.

leema said...

Rotfl.

Dark Horse said...

This one pass embarrassment o..I can totally relate..I had similar experience as a corper then travelling from Enugu to Abj..it felt like the world had come to the end. Thank God for lokoja bus stop

ELLA KOME EGBORO said...

Lolllllll

Unbeatable said...

A mother returned from work very tired and
thirsty.
And her little boy said "Mom, did u know that Anna is an angel"? Mom said "U mean the maid, why do u say that"? The boy said "Well, because I saw her naked in your bedroom with her hands on the wall & she was shouting; "Oh God I am coming... I am
coming ... I am coming...". If it wasn't for dad who was holding her tight from behind, she would have gone up to Heaven...!!!" ***MOM FAINTED
Copied

Anonymous said...

S/He should die in the marriage, right?

Cherry Wine said...

Lol, chineke God

Cherry Wine said...

My chest πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚

Anonymous said...

This is really funny. Hope you win.

Chinny Baby said...

Hahaha... Am voting for you oo

Cherry Wine said...

Its funny joor, @anon

NUVI HONEY said...

Lmaoo , I'm telling you old but gold. I love this.

Anonymous said...

What security reasons? Mschewww

Peppi said...

Hahhahaha

Peppi said...

Lol

Peppi said...

How did you even meet him.. Lol

Peppi said...

Lol..

Peppi said...

Haha hahaha.. .

Peppi said...

Lol

Peppi said...

Lol

Peppi said...

Lol

Teddy said...

Hahahaha one thousand likes

Peppi said...

Aaaa+aahaha

anonymous gangster said...

Lol!!!

Teddy said...

Hahahaha nice one

Teddy said...

Hahahaha hahahaha epic

Teddy said...

Lol

Anonymous said...

I tire ooo. Security there there

Teddy said...

True this

Megwai Obiageli said...

Hahahahahhahaha, who no like em life, even if blind man dey there na em go run pass....the rheumatism is cracking me up kwakwakwakwakwakwaaaaaw

becky naka said...

Hahahahaha

Olabanji Olajide said...

Lol.. What plastic id o

Olabanji Olajide said...

πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

Olabanji Olajide said...

Make it work.. U people's flimsy excuses

Olabanji Olajide said...

πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

Olabanji Olajide said...

😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝

Olabanji Olajide said...

πŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™Œ

Olabanji Olajide said...

Pele... A oni riru e mo

Olabanji Olajide said...

πŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Omo lomo...

Olabanji Olajide said...

Adam has eaten d 2nd apple...πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Olabanji Olajide said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahaahhaha...lobatan....��������������������������������

Olabanji Olajide said...

Yepa��������������������������

Nne nwa said...

funny funny funny

BunMystique said...

A woman went shopping. At the cash counter, she opened her purse to pay. The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse. He could not control his curiosity and asked,
"Do you always carry your TV remote with you?"
She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me shopping today because of football match, so I took the remote.
*Moral :Accompany and support your wife in her hobbies.....*

The story continues....The cashier laughed and then returned all the items that lady had purchased. Shocked at this act, she asked the cashier what he was doing. He said, "your husband has blocked your credit card.........."
*MORAL : Always respect the hobbies of your husband.*

Story continues....Wife took out her husband's credit card from purse and swiped it. Unfortunately he didn't block his own card.
*Moral: Don't underestimate the power and wisdom of your WIFE..*

Story continues...After swiping, the machine indicated, 'ENTER THE PIN SENT TO YOUR MOBILE PHONE'.......
*Moral: When a man tends to lose, the machine is smart enough to save him!*

Story continues....She smiled to herself and reached out for the mobile which rang in her purse. It was her husband's phone showing the forwarded SMS. She had taken it with the remote control so he doesn't call her during her shopping. She bought her items and returned home happily.
*Moral: Don't underestimate a desperate woman!*

On getting home, his car was gone. A note was lying on the table, "Couldn't find the remote. Gone out with the boys to watch the Premiership match. Will be home late. Call me on my phone if you need something".
*Moral: Don't try to control your spouse. You will always lose!*

#copied

Pipi Lee said...

Hahahahahaha

Shantelle's Empire said...

Your 5yr old knows the spelling of police? Hmm

OLORI said...

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Pipi Lee said...

Hahahahahahahaha

OLORI said...

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

OLORI said...

Were re oooπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ

OLORI said...

Ewwwwwww

Pipi Lee said...

Lmaoooooo

OLORI said...

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

D'Royalty (Favour Unlimited) said...

Rules and regulations

1 Anonymous gists and votes are invalid, only those with google ids are acceptable.

2 Indicate if the gist is copied or original

3 Gists and votes posted after 12 midnight of the contest day are invalid.

4 An Id can post more than one gist, if any of the gist wins, it WINS.

5 In addition to complying with the rest of the rules, the gist with the highest number of lols, lmaos, etc has a higher chance of winning.

Julianah Olorunfemi said...

πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ

Peppi said...

Lol

Anonymous said...

It was meant to be pushed up each mans butt hole. You didnt tell hit well that's why you ve few laughs

MrsB said...

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

MrsB said...

Lmao

MrsB said...

Lmao @ Adam

MrsB said...

Hahahaha

Mhiz Vee said...

One of my lecturer does thus in all his courses.

His last question is always "It's possible that no question came out from what you read so set a question for yourself".

crouchingTigress said...

Yes shantelle.

crouchingTigress said...

Lol

crouchingTigress said...

Lmao

crouchingTigress said...

Kwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwa

crouchingTigress said...

Ewo

crouchingTigress said...

Lololol

World People said...

Lmao

World People said...

Omg !!!! Hilarious !

World People said...

Lwkmd! The best so far

World People said...

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‰

World People said...

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ‘πŸ½

World People said...

Lol!!

Anonymous said...

Hahahah

Mrs James said...

The number needs to be registered via a code

karma?...please said...

You have killed me biwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwa

jaja said...

you made my day.

Dt chic said...

Hahahahahahahah I vote for you 100 times. U just made my day. Lmao

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