Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative..

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Saturday, 11 February 2017

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative..

hmmmm...






STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

HAUNTING CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCE:


Dear Stella, thank you for this awesome platform. I stumbled on your blog about 3 years ago and I've enjoyed every moment although I rarely comment. I'll like you to share this in chronicles.

I had a shameful experience while growing up. I grew up living with my mother in a "face-me-I-face-you" house. That house was filled with all sorts of perverted people and children knew what s3x was at such tender age. 

It all started when some of my playmates introduced me to the act. I did it with at least 5 of them. I was about 5 or 6 years then. We were just doing it as normal play. It happened frequently. I even tried it with some of my female friends as I didn't understand what it was.


There was even a guy in that house that constantly had s3x with his cousin that was about a year younger than me to the extent that the girl started enjoying it. The guy molested me once too. He told me to go to his room that he wants to send me on errand. He had s3x with me and it was painful. Afterwards he warned me that I must not tell anyone....and I didn't. My mother was usually not around when all these was happening, she used to leave me at home to play.


We later moved from that house when I was about 8 years old (which I'm grateful for because all those acts stopped ).
I had a sex drive which I started to satisfy by masturbating myself. When I became old enough to understand my past, I started to feel ashamed of the whole thing and decided to keep myself till marriage.

I'm 26 now and I've not had s3x with anyone ever since the "face-me-i-face-you" house. I have practised abstinence with my Ex-boyfriends. I avoid telling them my status (virgin or non-virgin). I would probably still be a virgin if it wasn't for my childhood experience. I still haven't told anyone about my experience.


 I'm in a relationship now and my boyfriend asks about my s3x life and I avoid answering as usual. He's talking about marriage now and I wonder if I should tell him the whole story or part of it(that I was abused by the older guy)? 


Please advice me as I'm running crazy. Boo thinks I'm a virgin because of how I've been avoiding the topic. To all parents out there, please monitor your children well, s3x education is important. There are too many perverts looking to take the innocence of kids.



*You need to discuss it with him cos if you leave him with the impression that you are a ''V'',his reaction after Marriage might be really bad...come clean and discuss it with him,after all you were just a child and it wasn't your fault.




144 comments:

Isaacson said...

Discuss it with him,if he is mature minded he will be glad you opened up to him plus you were young and abused so there is no big deal in you hiding it from him....sorry about your childhood dear and i pray you get a blissful and fun filled marriage

Anonymous said...

Tell him for information sake
And to get closure.
But I tell u,,,you will still bleed on your wedding night.


You V hole can't be as wide as " ideato"s" own.

Pipi Lee said...

Yes, Come clean.

Anonymous said...

Tell him for information sake
And to get closure.
But I tell u,,,you will still bleed on your wedding night.


You V hole can't be as wide as " ideato"s" own.

Istanbul said...

Don't let it hurt you that much though I know its painful because you are somehow regretting it.just talk to him about it and move on. Thanks for the write up.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget to send your wedding night blues to us.


I am team " u will bleed ".



STARRY LARRY said...

I think you're still a virgin, but all the same, be open to your man





*Larry was here*

Becky Divine said...

Oh dear
Come take loads of hugs darling

Since you were penetrated by that older guy , i don't think you're a Virgin anymore but that is not a big deal really.

I think you should tell your boyfriend about the abuse, tell him that was how you lost your virginity. But you also need to make him understand the reason you don't like taking about sex is bcos of the past experience and that was why you decided to keep yourself till marriage.

But you DO Not have to tell him the whole sordid details... that's the thing you did with the other kids and girls too. That one should remain in the PAST where it belongs biko

I wish you the best!

em jay said...

My dear never in your life tell him, and stop claiming to be a virgin to him , just tell him you stop having sex a long time ago, and u decided to remain so till marriage, don't even do the mistake of telling him I repeat.

Highness Gwen said...

Mmmmmmm

Madam Small Chops said...

Dont tell him biko, leave your past to the past.The day he will use it against you , you will regret why you bothered telling him.

The issue here is that you've not healed, you still hold on to the memory and you feel so ashamed/ sorry for yourself.

My advice is let go or see a therapist..To me you are still a virgin.

Highness Gwen said...

Dont tell him jor
Since u haven't had sex since then, ur kini is still tight. U might even bleed sef so don't tell him

I am the queen and the boss of this blog(Chief Rocky) said...

There is this video I saw today about a white guy molesting a baby of about 2-3years old!...
I have not been my self after watching!...
That video has broken me today honestly...

Poster,don't tell your man anything!...this should be the secret you will carry to the grave!...
Just tell him you had only boyfriend and decided to be celibate after breaking up with him!....
Most people that was raised in a face me I slap you house was molested including me!...
One useless neighbor then was showing us his prick and he will even finger us on top!...
After which he will give us biscuits and one bottle of fanta to share among us!...

That shit opened my eyes towards my children!...

ANGELRAY4SDK said...

Mummy girl, how can u tell a man that wants to marry u that you started fucking from age 5, u kept this secret from ur mum but u are willing to tell a man ur dirty past as the reverend father that he is now, u better keep ur mouth shut and tell him the last time u dated was 3 years ago, is ur boy friend a Virgin, did he tell u how many women he has slept with, longest hissssssss.

Chike TEFLON said...

Poster don't tell him anything about your childhood experience. Just tell him that you are not a Virgin, but you are celibate.

I don't know why some ladies will be telling their man about their sex life. The only person you owe the story of your sex life is your doctor when a medical need arise.

Anonymous said...

Open up to him it shouldn't b a big deal since u were very young he will understand.

Chike TEFLON said...

It baffles me the way love use to loose some ladies brain, they will start telling you the stories of things you ask them and the ones you don't ask them.

Anonymous said...

when the older guy molested you, did you bleed?If u didn't your hymen may still be intact.I abstained from sex for about 8yrs and when i eventually had sex on my wedding night i bled, but bodies differ.Since you ve not engaged in such act as an adult and all those things happened when you where just a kid, you can let your fiancee in on it and tell him.Eventually on your wedding night you will be tight and he will believe you have not had sex in years.Just relax dont let the thoughts bother you so much, you ve done well by abstaining all these yrs in this immoral society of ours.A man that loves you will cherish you, virgin or no virgin.Remain Blessed.

Chike TEFLON said...

Poster tell him that you are celibate, simple

Anonymous said...

NEVER NEVER reveal you sex past to your husband . Do not make that costly mistake . Believe me , you ramain a virgin since you have not had sex from childhood. You do not have to bleed when you are disvirgined .
Talking from experience , leave your past to your past and move on . Pls do not tell your hubby otherwise will come back and hunt you.

Anonymous said...

discuss what kini Stella, just tell him you where molested, don't go blabbing your mouth how you slept around with all those your compound children oh at the young age, just let him know you re not V, to avoid wedding night chronicles oh

missylynn said...

Yes I concur with Stella. Because once you're married no secrets
Tell him all about it and is not your fault it happened anyway.pray about it so that the Holy Spirit will direct your speech.all the best dear.

Anonymous said...

Stella I disagree with you on this. Poster, hv u nt been keeping it since? Please forget that something like that happened. Dsame thing happened to me. Let the past remain in the past. U wn tell nigeria man abi him tell you him own ni? Be wise. Am happily married with kids. I don't discuss my past.

Sparkle said...

Trouble dey sleep.hmm poster you better glue your mouth,somethings are better left unsaid. Tell him you're celibate EOD

Miyake said...

For once Dikokus advice don still try make sense small today. Thank God for that. I know say na until next month before she go give another reasonable advice because na only 11 or twelve times a year her head no dey skip.

Eka Joy said...

Thank u oh. Best advice

Anonymous said...

I would advise you visit a female gynaecologist first and do a proper examination of your body and see if you're a virgin. Afterwards, whether virgin or not, speak with your partner about it. His reaction would tell you if you can continue with him. Best of luck ma!

Coco buns said...

So much bitterness. People like you are poisonous

MISSFIT said...

Haba, must you bring Ideato into this? I kinda like her fah. Stopeet biko

becky naka said...

Wow

Poster for once I agree with queen, follow this advise/advice.

Eka Joy said...

Seriously, just tell d guy that you had a relationship wen u were a teenager and can't say for sure if the guy broke u as u didn't let him finish before pushing him away. And after that u broke it off with him and decided to be celibate.

You may tell him and get away with it or you may tell him and have him change the way he views you. Don't take that risk. He may even accept u the way it is but later use the situation to insult u in the future. I repeat, don't take the risk!!!

Anonymous said...

Yes don't tell him

Ed said...

Please don't ever tell him that cos he would always remember it and use it to abuse you later. I have once dated a guy I told things bout ma self,not bcos I was naive but I felt it was d right thing to do,bit he ended up always going back to that every time... He won't forget about it... From experience, don't tell him o. Also you need to forget bout it urself,it happened while you were innocent so why still keep it in mind,forget it as one of those childish crazy stuffs children do and let go of yourself.
Guys will always want to know bout the lady's past but will never tell you bout theirs.

Anonymous said...

You better keep quiet
What is wrong with Nigerian women?
Except you have a disease or a secret that is life threatening that is when you open up to your partner immediately.

Some women who gave birth and dumped their children in motherless babies home have not even opened up. By the way if you are a woman, and you gave birth while you were young, dumped the child, now you are married with children and yet you have refused to seek the whereabouts of your other child, you need to have a rethink.

Dear Poster, when loves hold a woman, she wants to start confessing. You better keep your mouth shut. Tell him you are not a virgin. If he ask how many men, tell him one. Men act like they want to know the truth but when you open up, eventually he will not handle it. One day, he will remind you and blackmail you with your past, then he will apologize and it becomes a circle.

I don't know why Nigerian men likes to ask those rubbish questions. It's not like they are honest themselves. How many men have you had sex with you? When last did you have sex? They might as well put a camcorder in your veejay and rest.

That question is usually popular with men with global sharing manhood.

KING XOXO MYSTERY

pink lady said...

Stella wont be there when this nosy bf of yours starts to mock you about your past.
Tell him that you've had sex once that it was too painful that you asked your ex bf to stop immediately(give him this detail since he likes gist).
Tell him that you did not bleed and you have not had sex again since then.
Any man who is too inqisitive about your past has trust issues and should be careful of. .... Keep your past to yourself!!

Letdemsay said...

Awww@Queen..Big big hugs from me to u...

Fan Emmanuel said...

Hahaha.. No be small biscuits and Fanta!

Anonymous said...

Poster..don't tell your bf...Don't everrrrrr do that...You can open u to your mom..but bf...no

Yemi7up said...

Em jay I go with you.

Gbonju said...

Poster, don't tell him. Tell him u are not a virgin but celibate for some years now simple.

Chinny Baby said...

Queen is right, don't tell him

Yemi7up said...

I concour Zip your mouth. You didn't tell him you a V or not.

Fan Emmanuel said...

I wonder ooo
Poster don't tell him anything,if he ask tell him to wait till your wedding night,so he can find out himself. Who knows on that day,you may test like a virgin!

Aphrodite said...

SecondedπŸ˜‘

Gbonju said...

Thank you.

Fan Emmanuel said...

He will not understand ooo
No be African man he be? And if you happen to give birth to a wayward child tomorrow (God forbid) he will use it against you ooo... Asikwana nam agwaro gi!

Eminado Onimisi said...

Don't tell him anything. If you need closure, talk to God, He will heal you. After 22 years of abstinence you will still bleed. People still bleed after abstinence of 5 years. Tell him you are a V if you want. Na your luck!

Anonymous said...

Best advice here!!!

gorgeous baby said...

Lmao,anonymous with dere bad mouth.

Anonymous said...

Tell him ke? Please women should learn to stop telling men more than they need to know. As far as he's concerned, your body count is ONE. Two at most, if you're feeling adventurous. Tell him you've been with only one man in your life and ever since the end of that relationship you haven't been sexually active. Tell him you don't do one night stands or casual sex. Don't tell him about any sexual abuse. Nigerian men aren't built to handle such delicate matters. It'll certainly change how he sees you and he'll end up dumping you. And besides if you love him, why not sleep with him? Please stop feeling shameful and try to move on. Keep the past where it belongs, BEHIND you.

Loveday Chapel said...

The day i watched that video i threw my friend's phone on the floor and kept crying. I hate remembering that moment

Anonymous said...

Poster don't tell him. Just tell him you had clumsy sex with your first boyfriend, that you both were amateur and didn't know what you were doing.There are some things you don't tell a man. Nigerian men cannot cope, once you tell him some things especially about sexual abuse, rape and abortion. Once you tell them they'll see you in a different light. If you're a Christian I suggest you go for counselling in church. The only person that you owe any confession to is God. I repeat don't ever tell him. You'll regret it. May God see you through.

Anonymous said...

Questions:
1. Does this man love you; do you love him? Talking about unconditional love here
2. What is his attraction to marrying you; is it "virginity?" Talking about what folks in this world understand as "virginity". Yes, you are still a virgin in the real sense of it; yours was robbed.
3. What's his attitude to sexual abuse; have you tried to find out? Yes because that's what you passed through.
4. Has he ever abused someone or had someone close to him been abused?

Whether and how you tell him depends on the above answers. If he is non nonchalant about sexual abuse or has abused someone, or is marrying you because he perceives you are a virgin; that is bad news. He actually does not love you as a person and is not a person of great character.

If he loves you for your person and character and the joy you bring to his life via companionship, then the pain of sexual abuse is something he will help you overcome. In that case telling him does not reduce his regard for you.

You can start by telling him about a "girl" who was abused as a child and the challenges she is having and who needed your counsel and ask for his opinion and watch his contribution and reaction. That will give you a clue as to whether to break it and how.

Above all, trust God with your life, eternal life and marriage. And forgive all those who molested you so that you will have peace and closure.

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

Queen I raise beyonce hand at the fact that you are bold enough to say this thing. But you know they're gonna start coming for you with it right? I do empathise with you. *hugs* And I'm glad you'be put it in your past. Do you know where the idiot currently is?

Poster, follow Queens advice oh. Don't tell him anything yet #IMO See a counsellor first and pour out your heart. After that you may feel better. I'm one of those who don't believe it's everything you tell a man. Na where you meet me we go continue oh. I can't shout. You know stella is married to Oyibo. Lol
Tommorow if you people have argument now he will say something is disturbing you from your childhood abuse. The only person I cry to is my Lord Jesus. He understands me πŸ’― All my orisirisi and medemede.πŸ‘Ό

Anonymous said...

Poster listen to Linda Eze ooooo. the way he will dump you it will do you like rapture.i was molested too, I prayed to God and moved on with my life. You better close your mouth, unless you want to continue doing S n M.

Anonymous said...

Very honest reply.

KIDJO said...

The main reason why I admire you so much is because of this...You re not shy to share your own experience with us so that others can learn from it.πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘.Thanks

Emilia Peter said...

Poster pls dnt tell him, bcos he will use it against it one day. U will b fine dear.

Anonymous said...

So she should lie she had a boyfriend? You were born poor no wonder you worship money so much,and you also have mental issues.

Anonymous said...

Why should she say she is not a virgin,Poster simply say you are a very good girl but don't ever discuss anything about your childhood with him.

Anonymous said...

Em Jay you are a darling for this. You don't owe no man no explanation. Only God gives closure and will hold you dear to his heart. Man is fallable esp. Naija man. He will use it against you. Which come clean? You were the victim. Don't my dear. Don't. Be strong, talk to God and you'll be fine.

Anonymous said...

Nigerian men always wonder what their wife's past has been especially if they didn't meet you 'well'

The Observer said...

Babe don't tell him nada! I don't care how good, nice or godly he is. He is still human.
Tell him of course that u are not a virgin, leave d sordid details out. Tell him u had sex as a teenager with a friend and that was it.
No try am! No try am @ all.
He is not God and can offer u nth save for judgement.
Pls I beg u no try am

The Observer said...

Gosh I pray she listens! Ahn ahn tell him say wetin?

jay urchy said...

Poster please don't lie as most people are telling you here. Tell him you were molested when you were 5. Keep it short and simple, no need going into detail.

You don't want to lie for the rest of your life. That lie may hunt you tomorrow you never know.

So when he ask the name of your ex and where he is ,you will still lie.

Anonymous said...

Tell him your story my dear poster, I was abused when I was young just like you but in my case I thought I was still a vIrgin so I told my ex then that I was still a virgin but lo and behold, I wasn't O..

my virginity had been taken and the guy saw me as a liar...

its best we let our partners in on things like this...I was angry and abused myself for not being a virgin.

I have been there and i know that feeling...

My advice is to tell your spouse about it,...trust me, he will understand and help you..

.wish you well...

I think talking about it helps to free oneself from the hatred and all...

Anonymous said...

There is no need bringing up a past of about 15yrs ago. Since you have grown and almost forgotten the issue.
I had a similar experience like you. Was molested when I was three years old, I can still remember it vividly. But overtime, I became a born again christian, spent time knowing God and the power of forgiveness. I prayed for God to give me the grace to forgive and forget. Now, I don't even think about it. I am happily married with kids. Even my hubby doesn't know about it and I don't even think I will tell him. I always try to protect my kids from such situations.
Please, move on. No be everything we eye see mouth dey talk. That's why it is called a secret.

Ibukunoluwa said...

LmaoπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Ibukunoluwa said...

πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘
I'm not typing anything again
Thank u

Ibukunoluwa said...

Yeah
Cos in some cases,the man might use it against her

Ibukunoluwa said...

It is well with all of us that grew up in face me I face u

Ibukunoluwa said...

I concur

Ibukunoluwa said...

I'm not one

Ibukunoluwa said...

I concur

Megan Aisosa Itohan said...

No wonder. Apostle wee hear dis

Fairrose said...

Best advice. Pls don't tell him. What you went through is equivalent of being raped. I don't know how many guys will stay after hearing such.
Though, you may tell him much, much later, maybe in your old age.
You need to see a psychologist so you'll be able to enjoy sex when you get married.
As for your molester,I'm sure he's already suffering for what he did because the evil that men do lives with them.
It is well with you darling. I hope you have a relationship with Jess. Bless you!

Megan Aisosa Itohan said...

Hv u been to ideato v b4?

Anonymous said...

Dear poster don't u dare! I told someone something like this and he started insulting me and my mum with it every time we had misunderstanding. It was what broke us up. He told me I have been a prostitute since I was 8.
I broke down and regretted ever opening up to him.
Even if he's a Bishop, rev father,or a pastor don't say shit.
Keep ur lille secret and don't take Stella's advice pls

Anonymous said...

I had a very very similar experience with you. I told my husband about it. Telling your fiance about it is the best thing to do.

Anonymous said...

Well this happen to me too when I was a kid but i never master bate or have sex still I rich 19 years old in 200 level. So free your mind and let your past be by gone.

Anonymous said...

You miind still be a virgin, just go for check up to confirm.

Anonymous said...

You are just dumb Emjay.

Anonymous said...

Yimu

Anonymous said...

Gbam!

Anonymous said...

What kind of person is your boyfriend? Is he kind hearted, empathetic and does he genuinely love you?

I told my beastly ex husband that I was raped by armed robbers when I was a virgin. He didn't believe me. He thought that was a lie I concocted to explain the fact that I was not a virgin. He was quick to remind me of my "claim" during arguments. Needless to say, the marriage didn't last long.

My current husband knows, but I told him after we got married and he felt my pain. He never talks about it because it causes him such pain. My point is, men react differently to such revelations and depending on your kind of man, telling him can have a number of consequences. Think about it carefully.

sholetoga said...

Poster, it's not everything that happened in your past you tell your new partner. There are some things you just leave out for you to have peace in your new relationship.
In this life, sometimes we have to leave somethings unsaid so as not to pollute the other person's mind against us when some situations come up in our relationship. I pray God help you to make the best decision for your situation.

I am the queen and the boss of this blog(CHIEF) said...

One...

Anonymous said...

I was molested at age six and I didn't bleed when I was disvirgined.

Anonymous said...

Thank God my cousin that was molesting me didn't penetrate because when hubby and I did the thing, we saw blood. I did not tell hubby anything not even my mom...
I am very conscious of my kids with any relative. I no wan hear story.

Anonymous said...

NNE help me ask her ooooh, I cant just help some people I swear.








Pastor daughter

shandy sleeks said...

Poster you better take this advice.

Nadine said...

I Think your decision to tell him or not should depend on who he is as a person.Will he handle it maturely or will he use it to insult you someday?

Anonymous said...

If I were u I won't even remember the experience. I am a virgin and anyone is free to think otherwise lol.
Just negodu this question mbok. Mbok free you mind and let it bee joor. He is a Nigerian and u know how naija guys think abi don't you know?
Be smart mbok






Pastor daughter

shandy sleeks said...

Poster you better take this advice.

Anonymous said...

Kwakwakwakwakaakwa those girls are foolish girls they are not smart.








Pastor daughter

shandy sleeks said...

#Word.

shandy sleeks said...

Your head is correct.

shandy sleeks said...

Word

Anonymous said...

Tell am wetin?

Mirabel said...

please stop acting as a virgin around him if u are not prepared to face the truth.Baby, its not your fault and don't be embarrassed. so that he will not have big expectations. but if u want to come clean just tell him and be prepared for anything that follows...some men are not matured to handle issues. Best of lucks baby.

Order 4ur val &bday Cakes in Abuja. Home delivery. said...

Poster i support mjay's advice. Don't tell the guy. It may backfire later especially the act with the older guy.

Mem can be very funny at times. One day he will make reference to it and make it look like you were very loose.

Let the past remain where t belongs... The past!

Order 4ur val &bday Cakes in Abuja. Home delivery. said...

lol at fanta.

That's just the sad truth. He doesn't have to know about it.

Iphie dearie said...

Please poster.. no need to go into tiny little details.
A therapist can do that job for you.. or when you get all emotional,talk to your momma or God.

Just let him know you were quite young and naive and someone took advantage of you,it put you off sex.Thats all.

That infomation is all he needs...
Any man that has a problem with that bit of info and needs a descriptive essay on how the act happened might just be a Perv!

I hate hearing or reading about sexual abuse especially the ones involving kids. I am actually so paranoid about it. Like how do you take advantage of a little girl.
Sorry about what you passed through poster,it didnt define you... a real man wont care about your past.

Anonymous said...

I told hubby some of my past,and today d story na wetin den dey remind me wen we fight,if I con tell am d main ones nko? Abeg ooo nor talk wetin den nor ask U Ooooo, Ur pekus still complete nor fear.

Anonymous said...

DO NOT tell your boyfriend anything.

A friend of mine had sex with her cousin when she was young. She later got married at 20. She told her husband about it. He divorced her at 22 with two kids. He is always using it to insult her.

I told my dad and he said my friend is stupid and there are certain things a man must not be told. He supported her husband. Your case is different but when that man starts to use your 'experience' to insult you - you'd write another chronicle here.

Anonymous said...

No wonder, I talk am, pikin wey chop Nan nor they behave like U,i first knw say Na Ipara den born U.

Iphie dearie said...

Thank God you've given me a heads up already.. will never open that video.

Sorry about your childhood LinLin...hugssss

Anonymous said...

This same thing happened to me while I was small.. But I abstained from sex, due to fear of not being sure whether am still intact down there I allowed myself to be f**k by one guy I dated in the university And I bled so much I regretted.. I guess you are still intact.

Anonymous said...

I agree with poster on not telling him. Some things are better left unsaid. God will heal you. Your brokenness will be your strength. Within you, you will have a part of you secret and private. He will blame you. Such is the way of men. You will live to regret telling him. Somehow the story will turn your pain and suffering into guilt as a result of his reaction. We are all broken...

I am the queen and the boss of this blog(CHIEF) said...

Loveday chapel,I'm still in shock!...

Hahahahaha at Chikito!..
They should come for me nah..
who cares?...I Choptas not oh my sister..
The idiot is dead!,..i heard he had an accident with his okada in his village in Ebonyi state and died instantly!...
I had a lot of experiences with these pediophiles including a rev father...
That one na story for another day!...

Kidjo πŸ’‹πŸ’‹

Iphie,it's better you don't watch cos it will spoil your mood..
I can't get it off my thoughts!..

Eloho said...

I believe in honesty because put urself in his shoes, would u want to know? Even if u tell him and he runs, so be it. If someone loves u, he has to accept all of u. So I beliv u should tell him. Give him the benefit of doubt. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Parents should try and stay around their kids.i was engaged in sex play with one boy like that at the age of 4.im 24 years now.and im addicted to masturbation and pornography.i can stay without sex,with a man,but i prefer masturbation to sex..i want to stop.ive tried all.im just taking it one step at a time.

Anonymous said...

Tell him pls. If he truly love u that will not discourage him. I was raped at 11 years by 6 men and I don't hide it from my husband.i told him everything and that doent stop him from marrying me. I hv to kids now. He bought me a car and had even get me early Valentine gift.

Anonymous said...

@missylnnny na so u lack wisdom, there r lots of secrets in marriage, believe me u might even b the secret in ur parents marriage.

grace said...

Babe them dey tell you say make you no talk na the truth be that o,naija men no wan know say na past,the guy could act as if its nothing now later he might use it to insult you,no follow stella advice o,you know say stella na oyibo.
Go and check yourself you might still be a virgin and if you are still a virgin say no only touch and go you been they do that's why you don't like sex.

Anonymous said...

Clown that's what u r...... A big joke.

Anonymous said...

See wickedness in high places. U wicked shaaaaaaa oga ooh,oya poster listen to me don't tell him.....

Anonymous said...

Dear Poster. Its quite sad listening to your story. Sadly this is the case of many ladies that grow up in this country where child molestation (male and female) isn't really tackled strongly, leaving them to go through life feeling shame and guilt. 1st of you need to understand that you are not at fault, there is nothing you did wrong and you are actually a victim here. There can be no shame or guilt because quite frankly you were a child and as such should have been protected. So please as hard as it may be, forgive yourself and let go of that past, seek help if need be and i must commend you for choosing to tow a different path despite the abuse you suffered as a child.

I am a Nigerian man that has had a couple of serious relationships, 2 i could definitely marry. I had a body count of 7 (probably more, i didnt ask she told me) the other was a virgin when we met, in the end it was character not body count that ended that relationship. What is my point? A man who loves you would love you inspite of that number, as long as he knows you will be faithful and committed to him. Not every man, but most men. Some men unfortunately are hypocrites, they bed anything in skirt but want to marry virgins. However most men dont mind 1 or 2 ex lovers and expect that after a certain age e.g you are 26 probably a graduate, one would expect you have had a bf or 2. An important question is wht sort of man is your bf? The answer to that would let you know how to proceed.

Also my advise would be to tell him, not in any details or number but in simple terms, i was molested at 5 years old by a neighbour and i cant remember details. Tell that story and stick to it. Expect a barrage of questions etc, your response should simply be you were molested. how, number of times, who simply i cant remember (in fairness it was 20 years ago).

You come off as a good and honest lady, for a man to wanna wife you fast. Contrary to some views above, i would advise you to be honest, and wise and trust me if he leaves it, you will be better off without him and a better person would come along. As long as you remain true to yourself you would be fine. A man that loves you will love you warts and all and protect you from even your past demons. I wish you all the best as you sort this out.
SOG has spoken (2)

Baby Oku said...

Thank you @observer...poster please listen to observer's advice.

Anonymous said...

See poster I think you should tell him. My own case my wife told me her father constantly had sex with her.this helped me to handle my wife better and treat her right becox she was molested. I don't hold any grudge with the father and she has forgiven him too.Tell him poster he will know how to handle and be patient with you. Its only a stupid man that will leave.

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

Chike I'm beginning to like you πŸ˜‚ @loose brain

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

I've also heard if cases where the hymen tore due to other activities. Like horse riding, athletics or calisthenics. This is common with very physically active women

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

True. A married lady told me she bled on her wedding night. She had been celibate for 5 years before then. Said she told her husband she wasn't a virgin but till today the guy still thinks she was and she lied to reduce wedding night excitement.

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

Gbam!

Anonymous said...

Ibukun u still live in face to face, and u have turned to blog ashy, every comment you concur. Conkobility Ni. Oshisco!

anonymous gangster said...

I met several girls as virgins & left the as such. But goodness me, the things we did! Some married women have never tried! Virginity is relative jare. Just saying.

Anonymous said...

The Observer has told u the truth, just make up one time Story and give ur fiance. There are things u don't tell a man. I repeat dint tell him, Nigerian men are not yet that matured. Tell him ur mot a virgin , that a neighbour molested u when u were small. Chikena!

Anonymous said...

That comment up there is the reason why she's Queen and Boss.Own your past and keep it moving. Straighten your crown and strut beautifully.

Green Field said...

Poster please listen, no matter how nice, caring and good he is , such a past will scare him. If he doesn't run away, he'll use it against u. At most tell him u did just once so many yrs ago and guilt didn't let u try it again. DONT TELL HIM UR PAST , U WILL REGRET IT SURELY. Nigerian men are nit that emotionally matured, most anyway ur pas remains just that , ur paat

Dwaynecater said...

Poster I hardly comment but I feel my contribution may help, pls tell him if he truly loves you he would understand. My girlfriend has the same issue of child molestation her own even got worse as she was molested like everyday for a long time, it affected her so much she doesn't get wet any more and she prefers to satisfy herself before we met. She told me all that, and I understood her and believe me we having the greatest sex life right now... met her during my NYSC... and all things been equal I'm proposing to her very soon..... so pls tell him

Anonymous said...

Tell him, but do not go into details like you did here (Like the masturbating at 8yrs)
Just tell him that you were raped at a younger age and that you have been celibate since then.
I had similar experience, was hospitalized because of the bleeding. My mom got to know. Was subsequently scared of s*x, but I told hubby, and it was not even a big deal for him. He was rather furious with the pervert (though he doesn't know him)
So tell him. It will also help to heal you psychological

Anonymous said...

you are an upright person. You deserve the best. You Didn't sell what you're not,you Didn't know and it wasn't your fault. Naija men should applaud vigrins,cherish them and love them. They have close to zero baggage. Unlike their wild sisters,an average sexually active nigerian girl must have had abortion twice,sti,had sex for money,fling,infatuation,love,work,favour,sugar daddy,drunk sex,orgy,casual sex. How you expect these set of morally messed up girls to be truthful and loyal. Every serious,good,ambitious and legit hustle brother should avoid them. Nothing but bad news all the morally upright anf virgins too,you all won't regret upholding and staying strong in JN. Tell hundred lies to cover one lie. Tufia

Anonymous said...

I had similar experience and I've had psychotherapy since leaving nigeria but I still can get along with men so I hv difficulty thinking about relationship talk less of marriage. I've become what they call Gwegs here but still can't go on and I feel absolutely nothing towards women. I don't know where to place myself at all.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous always debasing Ideato, don't challenge God before you take on something you can't handle. trust me on dt.

Anonymous said...

Can you listen to yourself??? Love is NOT blind, Lovers are!! What exactly are u telling him for? So he can say u are good girl and u are very open?? Use your brain gurl. How many of his secrets do u think you know?? There are some things better left unsaid. Wait, what do u wanna tell him? That u had sex before u clocked 10years with 6 young boys and even gurls and u knew what masturbation was...you actually wanna say that to a man u 'bout starting a fresh new life with? Babe, that's the beginning of the end of that union or whatever it's called. Just remember that marriage can't be all rosy and there are times u will piss him off and he'll use it to insult the living daylight outta u cos there are some certain things a man can't just swallow and forget 'bout. All these girls trying to be "OPEN" pls learn to shut your mouth!!!! Do u even know who he is/was, do u know if he has killed, or was a fraudster or a rapist?? He will never tell u, NEVER. Abortion, rape, masturbation and the likes are things u don't tell a man as a lady no matter the level of the so called love, he'll feel sorry for u JUST AT THAT MOMENT buh when the chips are down, he will finish you verbally. Understand that!! So marry and SHARRRAPPP.

Anonymous said...

Can you listen to yourself??? Love is NOT blind, Lovers are!! What exactly are u telling him for? So he can say u are good girl and u are very open?? Use your brain gurl. How many of his secrets do u think you know?? There are some things better left unsaid. Wait, what do u wanna tell him? That u had sex before u clocked 10years with 6 young boys and even gurls and u knew what masturbation was...you actually wanna say that to a man u 'bout starting a fresh new life with? Babe, that's the beginning of the end of that union or whatever it's called. Just remember that marriage can't be all rosy and there are times u will piss him off and he'll use it to insult the living daylight outta u cos there are some certain things a man can't just swallow and forget 'bout. All these girls trying to be "OPEN" pls learn to shut your mouth!!!! Do u even know who he is/was, do u know if he has killed, or was a fraudster or a rapist?? He will never tell u, NEVER. Abortion, rape, masturbation and the likes are things u don't tell a man as a lady no matter the level of the so called love, he'll feel sorry for u JUST AT THAT MOMENT buh when the chips are down, he will finish you verbally. Understand that!! So marry and SHARRRAPPP.

Anonymous said...

Love is shacking u now na.. .Marry first let's see, Na she go come write chronicles

Anonymous said...

Poster, DON'T TELL HIM ANYTHING! He will use it to cuss your one day when you quarrel. Simply say, your first attempt was painful and not enjoyable, so it put your mind off.Talking about it here, is a step towards healing and pray to your creator.

Amacastel said...

Poster I have to write in capital letters, DONT TELL HIM ABOUT UR CHILD HOOD EXPERIENCE, go to hospital check if u r still a virgin if you r not Pls tell him u had a clumsy sex with an ex, chikena.

Anonymous said...

If he is just a boyfriend, I don't think it is necessary. But if he is someone that both of you are already making d move towards marriage, I think you can tell him that. Truth is even if you claim to have moved pass it, u feel d shame whenever d issue of ur virginity status is raised & u also had to sexually satisfy yourself by masturbating (I don't know whether you have stopped & when you did, or you still masturbate). This affect sexual lives of couples because you have to discuss your sexual lives as a couple so as to enter into an informed marital and sexual life. Sex is a serious foundation of marriage & withholding such vital info from your spouse has a way of getting back at you guys. U must be detailed BT a boyfriend with whom there isn't any defined relationship purpose doesn't need to know sha.

Abs said...

I think what our sister here needs is closure. Let us look at the underlying pain in her message that is not clearly written. She needs to air this out in a way that she can move in with her life. She needs closure. From her write up this palava don dey hang over her like smelly cobweb. Telling him is not all about exposing herself etc. Maybe our marraiges have trouble because we start them on the wrong footing. If this is worrying her so much that she has to talk about it here then not telling him does not solve the problem. If the guy na e man e go stay with even after that. My sister pray oh and God go give you the right directions. All of these na we human ideas. If you are a catholic like me pls do a 9 day rosary novena.

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

Queen and Boss how won't he die?? They never end well oh! Destiny destroyers

Anonymous said...

Anon19:56,Be good! Lol

Anonymous said...

Pls tell him that you were molested when you were little. That's why you shy away from sex. If he loves you he will stay. Na guys dey marry big time prostitutes

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