Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Service Year Boulevard 70

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Saturday, 4 February 2017

Service Year Boulevard 70

Sweet story!




POSTING
Mama: My daughter, let's arrange with your uncle to "runs" your posting so that you can serve in Lagos. You would be going from home
Me: ( Kuku talk say you dey find housegirl) Mum, let God's will be done. No runs,please!
If I hear! Opportunity to leave Lagos at last. My spirit doesn't lie. I have dreamt and seen myself in Warri...serving in an oil company to be precise. Mama no fit pour sand for my Garri.
I was sitting at home, watching one boring programme when news reached me that the NYSC posting list was out. Whether na run or fly, all I knew was I got to school...Warri, here I come!

I got to the board to see KATSINA( mogbe! Kuku kee me) Shame didn't allow me to stay long in school. The sympathizers club members were going round, looking for whom to devour. I left school almost immediately. My parents couldn't make mockery of me,they were more concerned about how I would get there-18 hours by road. It was weekend and camp would close by Thursday- I wasn't ready; I wasn't prepared. 


 We scrambled all we had and paid for air travel. I had no time to buy things, just packed a few things and headed for the airport with my dad's piece of advice ringing in my head- don't forget yourself with your usual talk talk and miss your flight. Haha! Na una sabi! I Don port ooo-first time travel by air things. Na we get am! 


TRIP TO KATSINA


I got to the Airport by 5:30am for a 7:15 am flight to Kaduna to avoid moving stories. I saw so many young peeps-mostly prospective corp members, based on their appearance. I kept quiet! God knows I did. I don't know the kinda Linda Eze's aproko spirit wey loosen my tongue. That was how I started making friends with everybody including cleaners o. I nearly fell from the escalator on my way up but lai lai, I use talk cover am.
My people, hin be like say the people wey chase my name Commot Warri to Katsina still dey my case. I nearly missed my flight, if not for a girl by my side who noticed my flight number was called. On board, I sat near a very cute looking Alhaja.

 I wasn't happy because I wanted to be near my newly acquired friend who was placed two seats before mine. The journey started smoothly... Not so smoothly actually... I nearly threw up. I pretended I wasn't a novice while inwardly reciting psalm 27. All of sudden, the incessant vibration of the plane started.
" Oh God! Na so I go take die? I never marry na! "
Some minutes later, the voice of the pilot came on,
" I am sorry, we are experiencing some turbulence."
At that moment, I lost six years of secondary education. The meaning of turbulence flew out through the window. I started praying and confessing my private and public sins. Anyway, we got to Kaduna in one piece. Alleluia! 

 I made friends with the Alhaja, who helped my new friends and I to Zaria with her sister's car and paid for our taxi to Katsina(#12000). I quickly collected her number for future transactions. We got to Katsina camp by 1:00pm. At last!



KATSINA CAMP
We entered the camp with so many activities greeting us already. I couldn't cry.

 The camp was so beautiful but the people there weren't encouraging at all. Chai! My 2 new friends and I ran with our bags on our heads to get registered. The queue was so long but Biko, as a proper Lasgidi girl, I cheated my way to the front and got registered. Of course, I helped my friends as well. We were lucky to get the new hostel and we quickly got the best corner. Omo, the sun for KATSINA na die...it would beat you and dry your sweat. I was literally melting. I had heard scary news about KATSINA, so I decided to stick to Eva bottled water. But, night no reach before I switched to pure water when my money dey hustle with MC Hammer " brokeness". 


Ï tried to join OBS but overfull dey worry them, so I decided to stay put. To be sincere, camp was relatively new and had the best facilities. The only issue was the food. Sweet Jesus, the sight of the kitchen could make one throw up his/her destiny. I ate the food once, and Jejely redirected my steps to Mammy market.

 Food there was horrid and expensive but neat. As my sweet head would have it, one of my friends was boxed up and quite nice. She became our sponsor in Mammy. We expanded our chain of friendship and we became 4. Four of us were from the same university(notorious). We were tush but feared. If anyone insults you- call us. If anyone steals from you- call us! 


 We had other friends we did eat with but we were the FANTASTIC FOUR! We didn't do most of the morning drills. When caught, we faked asthma/ sickness. Na Army school I go na.

I participated in all camp's social activities. We even helped a friend come first runner up in the beauty contest.
I had camp "toasters" but it wasn't serious. I was known more for my infamous undies( I had forgotten to take my black undies) My transparent undies got more attention than I did. There was this tall fine guy in my platoon I was seriously crushing on. I stylishly encouraged him to participate in Mr Macho but Bobo refused(otondo). Camp ended and I was posted to a town close to Buhari's town. Sadly, all my friends redeployed and I was alone in the cold cold world.



LIFE AFTER CAMP

The moment I left camp, I knew I was done for. My partners in crime were gone and I feared that I would be beaten by those we terrorized. I quietly snuck outta camp to join the bus that came to pick us to town. But before I boarded, my crush saw me, collected my number and oh! Bless the Lord! 

My excitement level raised to power ten. I was in love already.

 I got to the school I was posted to and boy-the school was in a class of its own. I was to share a room with a girl. I quickly settled into my new environment, making new friends and blissfully enjoying my new found love. 

I was to teach English language to students who only spoke Hausa. Make I no lose, I assigned a boy who understood both to be my interpreter. Whether na curse or swear he dey talk, teaching went on. I joined the DRUG FREE CLUB to be responsible but I just wasn't consistent. 

The first week after camp saw my transformation. I took time to clear the after effect of camp on my skin and made my hair. Omo, toasters no free me. My camp boo was still on but I open corridor door for others.

 The devil is a liar! My camp boo dumped me 2months after our meet, claiming distance and all. He said he was looking at how our relationship would survive after service due to distance. ( we live in different states) I guess he could not stand the fact it was a no sex relationship. Anyway, yours truly got another love that same month... We even won couple of the year during the awards night in our hostel( side eyes) 

While this was going on, I was also busy making money in town by organising private lessons. I also made up to a hundred thousand Naira( no bribe) during registration for election. Corps members were used. I was insulted, threatened and abused but I upheld my country's beliefs ( story) Cash was flowing in, consistent purging was flowing out.

 I was constantly purging. Nothing I ate stayed in. I became so lean and weak but my boo stood by me. He would cook, clean, clear and do everything doable without complaining. He could play instruments and all. 

 Every woman's dream. 

Oh yes, Devil in loafers wanted to dilute my Ribena during Rural Rugged in the form of my ex( camp boo that dumped me) He saw me and was professing silly love not knowing I don't eat stale bread.


THE END
Service came to an end. I stayed back a month cause of... You know! My mama no gree me. She begged, pleaded and used prayer rope to pull me back. I left camp in tears( wash). There were threats to life-Boko things.

 I left KATSINA by force and came back to Lagos to experience one of the worst days of life in MMM AIRPORT(story for another day) Here I am, years later, Forgotten boo, forgotten friends and almost forgotten experience. 


 Thanks Stella for helping me relieve some of the memories. Sorry for the epistle. If it is too long for you to read, confront my English teacher. She no teach me summary.


*I laughed all through..Nice and well composed,and your sense of humor is off da hook!
I could read this all day!


34 comments:

Miss Ess said...

Cash was flowing in consistent purging was flowing out lol. Funny you.

Miss Ess said...

Cash was flowing in consistent purging was flowing out lol. Funny you.

olaedo said...

Interesting!!

KIDJO said...

Waoh..cool.so you didn't gbensh?.you left that part out of. What about the Alhaja nah?

becky naka said...

You are very social and funny, thumps up.

Mao Akuh said...

Nice one. Katsina camp is beautiful in fact 'Yaradua did a wonderful work there aswear.

Rosemary Chidi said...

Lmao @ your transparent undies got more attention than you did. You're funny, walahi.

Classic Chic! said...

U got a good sense of humour

Scarlett said...

Nice story. I like the poster already. She has a wicked sense of humor

Becky Divine said...

Nice one

Omotola Brianna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ebynwa: Property Investment in the UK, USA and Dubai from $25,000. Call/WhatsApp 07032338308 said...

Wow. This is nice. I served in nassarawa and keffi was a good experience for me

IJAY said...

Nice one, Lmao

St.FranKooL.... said...

#You will never change your life until you change something you do daily*

Iphie dearie said...

One of the best NYSC experience i have read here
Niceeeee!

nkechi susan said...

I laughed throughout, I read it twice lol. I love you poster hehehe

Creamie said...

Nne i love your sense of humor, this is my best SYB.. And you didn't gbensh? Lovely

Hanz Cutie said...

Lol.... Nice one... She must be a talkative... Kai

Hanz Cutie said...

Nice one, she must be Talkative... Lol

Hanz Cutie said...

Nice one, she must be Talkative... Lol

CocoFernadez said...

Lovely narrative, I gbadun you poster. Wonderful sense of humour, I had a smile on my face from start to finish!!!

Elixir said...

This is how a graduate should write!
Two thumbs up!!!

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed reading.nice one!

Odus said...

Cool

keke driver said...

This is the best SYB so far...very captivating...you should be a writer

Ldf said...

Waiting for lagos corpers to send in their own. Side all to all the girls gbenshing the LGI in ikeja local government. I hail of you!

PASTOR'S DAUGHTER said...

this is the first time am reading a SYB without gbenshing and i enjoyed reading to the end. woooow poster i really enjoyed ya story, you have a factory fitted sense of humour.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
straight shooter(allergic to bullshit*) said...

Nice story!

Anonymous said...

Lengthy but interesting.I stayed glue till d end.

Anonymous said...

Nice one girl. A good sense of humor wins any day!

Anonymous said...

So you don't eat stale bread? Nice story.

Dez Asanwa said...

Lol, this poster is a real case. I laughed all through that I had to start reading out before bobo would think am getting cra cra.

Ralu M said...

I love the way you told your story 👌👌

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