The Role Of A Girlfriend In A Dwindling Economy

The country as we all know is in a dire state and it is stale news that we are in an Economic Recession. 

Ever since the government of the day came into power nobody has been their normal self, every area of the economy has been tightened. What seemed like a running tap low on reserved water is now permanently shut. Now that we have established that fact, dear girlfriends we need HELP!

There are certain roles you could play in the life of your boyfriend now, that he would eternally appreciate. First let me address tomorrow’s issue (since it is the most pressing) feb 14th a.k.a. Valentine’s Day. I don’t even want to go into details on how we have abused this particular date, however, at the last Boyfriends Association meeting; we came to a consensus that since we are not descendants of Oga St. Valentine, there would be no need to commemorate the day ma.

 Just go about your day in normalcy; in fact stay clear of anything that has to do with red. The point is we have not recovered from the December expenses; personally I have not recovered from December 2015 spending. If you are a Valentine’s Day aficionado or a helpless romantic, just think about all the other days we’ve made frantic efforts to sweep you off your feet.

Now to the matter at hand, wouldn’t you rather be with a dude who makes every day special for you, than be with one who only takes out February 14th to show you that you’re worth anything to him? In earnest preparation for tomorrow, kindly do well to adhere to these under-listed precautionary measures…..

AVOID CREATING AN ENVIRONMENT THAT COULD LEAD TO TEMPTATION. 

Guys are naturally attracted to what they see, thus the catcalling when a guy sees a beautiful girl walk by. Now you would cause trouble by wearing provocative dresses to your boyfriend’s house in this hectic period because this could lure him into, well something you might not want to give. He might pressure you for it, but to be honest, you will enjoy the pleasure and not the consequences thereafter. Yes, you guys have been doing it before now and you have been lucky enough to see your monthly period, but have you ever given it a thought that the devil could strike? (I mean, who else would we blame?) Imagine getting pregnant when you know your boyfriend does not have a steady stream of income. Abeg no let OUR pikin suffer! 

HELP SAVE OUR MONEY. YES! 

I’m sure that’s what one guy just yelled whilst reading this. Indeed you have to help us save; the girlfriend role is an audition platform for the WIFE OF LIFE! So don’t make us get scared when we see your number because we have this feeling that you are about to make a request that would bleed our pockets or we simply can’t afford. At least allow the HOLY SPIRIT speak to us concerning your situation… ah ah!

STOP MAKING US UNNECESSARY SUPERMEN. 

You might not understand what I mean by “unnecessary supermen”, but in a situation where a girl does as she pleases just because she believes that her boyfriend got her back; the guy becomes an impromptu superhero. Please avoid gossip or any sort of deplorable happenstances, the food in our stomach might not be enough for us to defend you biko.

NO NAGGING. 

I think I should have started from this….i have not wifed you yet but you are already nagging. There is no man as depleted as a man who has a nagging wife. You are still GEH-FRIEND, not even FIANCE sef, and you nag nonstop. This would only chase the guy away trust me. There is no money anywhere, but there is enough for me to take bike away from a nagging girl.
PRAY FOR US. Yes I said it, we need it urgently. Please always pray for us, if you want us to prosper it should be a daily routine.

I know this article might result to a backlash, but I anticipate that and look forward to the response from my female folks.

BY BV CHIDI