A little boy was in a TAXI eating chocolate. He took another one then another, up to 8 chocolates. Then a MAN next 2 him said: Don't U know dat too much of chocolate can damage ur teeth? D boy replied: My Grandfather lived for good 150yrs b4 he died.. Then d man asked: was it bcos of eating chocolate he lived so long? D boy replied: NO sir: it's bcos he was always minding his own business.. 😆😆😆😅😅😅😃😃😃😂😂😂One word for DAT boy
When you don't fulfill your wish, do you think we are fools.tomorrow you will put the lies on having flu.
“You press men, you always say there are no minerals in Kano. We have Coca Cola, Fanta, Mirinda and the newly invented Sprite” – Bakin Zuwo.
every week i dey post but no dey win. well, i wont quit mbanu. i must try again and again.A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
“I can see camera people, are they going to televise us alive?” – Dame Jonathan
I want to commend the doctors and nurses for responding to treatment” – Dame Jonathan
Drinking garri does not mean you are poor, but allowing the garri to swell-up before drinking is Poverty - He who says nothing last forever has never tried Hausa perfumeHe who runs around looking for scissors to cut Indomie seasoning sachets is not yet hungry - Anyone who thinks he has many enemies has never been with a mountain of fire member – Nigeria was never on the map when God said 'Let there be light' –He who fully unwraps a Sharwama completely before eating it cannot keep a secret – Whoever reads all these quotes without laughing is looking for a job or the economy is not friendly to you...it is well#copied
****You know you are going to jail if Segun Arinze is presented as an eye witness***Some pretty girls are just evil... They will fart and look at you to the extentyou will be suspecting yourself...***Ibadan rappers be likeMy Blood is full you can call me bloody fool..***Lil kesh's album should be used for school's riot..so much noise!***If you think you are having a bad day...just remember that there's an Ibadan girl trying to pronounce 'parallelogram'..***Things that confuses meI've never seen a mad Hausa man before... Abi Dem no dey mad?***You'll just be eating hot eba watching Empire next thing two men will juststart kissing each other and the eba in your mouth will turn salty..***Person will lost phone and be lying that "no be the phone dey worry me self,na my contacts" Ur nyash***Dangote's son cheated on me and yousay I should break up? Don't you know that Love is all about forgiveness.forgive and forget...***Some people are blessed with Wickedness ..How can I beg u for salt n u tell me your mum has counted it...***One idiot used''GUNSHOTS'' as his ringing tone...His china phone rang in the bank today, for over 1hour now we are still looking for the cashier and two security men ...***A baby is never a mistake or surprise!You had sex without condom... What were you expecting?? iPhone 7 or Range Rover .....***I cried for 2 hours when he told me she took 1st in his WAEC result.....Some people can lie ehn!!!***I miss those people in primary school that use to say ' if I give you one dirtyslap, you will fly to America'... Come and slap me now ooo***I heard a king in Kenya is referred to as 'His Royal Darkness'... I'm trying tocry but I can't... ..***Since Buhari became President, you cannot even see N20 on the floor again..***I remember back in Nursery schoolMy girlfriend broke up with me just becos I sharpened pencil for another girl..***DSTV is advertising DSTV on DSTV to people who have DSTV....... What'sTheir Problem??...#copied#
Hmmmm"I don't know wassup with my mom and this Reekado Banks song 'OLUWA NI'. Since yesterday she has been singing 'SMALL BOY BUY EM MAMA HOUSE'... Mummy I've heard na... Correct Bro😂😂😂😂😂😂
Follow me go message, follow me go message na from there slave trade take start. COPIED
"when i saw nepa bill for this month,i needed to ask the nepa man if we are now paying for sunlight".......-#anonymous
This you pics needs real dental work. kinda reminds of my neighbors kids...chai!!!!Person fit dream horror dream with that kain smile.Are you battling with persistent pimples and breakouts? Learn 6 simple tips to help you cope with persistent acne
Due to high rise in the no of sidechicks in the country, the first three questions in the getting to know phase are' please ,are you married?''Is anyone married to you?'Please im begging you are you married?-unknown ig user
Any man who successfully convinces a monkey that honey is sweeter than banana, is capable of selling condoms to a roman father.
If you have attended over 100 weddings in your life and you are still single,you are not different from a canopy.
Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.-- Hubert Humphrey
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. -- Robert Orben
This ur emoticon NA WAH!
"Girls are like mangoes. While one man is waiting for her to be ripe, others are eating her with salt." - Pete Edochie 1946#copied
One whu gose to bed wit an ittchin anus, wheel weck up wit smelin phingers.#awa heldas
An elephant and a dog became pregnant at same time. Three months down the line the dog gave birth to six puppies. Six months later the dog was pregnant again, and nine months on it gave birth to another dozen puppies. The pattern continued.On the eighteenth month the dog approached the elephant questioning, _"Are you sure that you are pregnant? We became pregnant on the same date, I have given birth three times to a dozen puppies and they are now grown to become big dogs, yet you are still pregnant. Whats going on?"._The elephant replied, _"There is something I want you to understand. What I am carrying is not a puppy but an elephant. I only give birth to one in two years. When my baby hits the ground, the earth feels it. When my baby crosses the road, human beings stop and watch in admiration, what I carry draws attention. So what I'm carrying is mighty and great."._Don't lose faith when you see others receive answers to their prayers.Don't be envious of others testimony. If you haven't received your own blessings, don't despair. Say to yourself "My time is coming, and when it hits the surface of the earth, people shall yield in admiration."In jesus name..Amen👼#copied.
As a man, when you hear huggies is 3k & playgroup school fee is 50k, you gotta "slow down by R2bees". #ORIGINAL
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings". -Sam Loko Efe 1951
I'm a Victoria's Secret model. It's such a secret, not even Victoria knows". Nkem Owoh 1999
"Some girls love sex so much, you'll take her to the bedroom and ask what's her favorite style she'll answer you donkkie style.original
There was this girl I was crushing on and was looking for the right moment to reveal my feelings. We live in thesame neighborhood. But I never knew she was my next-door neighbor's course mate untill I surprisingly saw her in our house one day gisting about their school lecturer with my neigbour. So I thought within myself that the best way to open a chat with this girl is to come out and start cooking since my kitchen is opposite where she sat.And then I open a conversation with her while my neighbor bathe her child in the bathroom and the husband appears to be reading in their palour. She appears to like our conversation from the way she asks questions. But not quite long one of the maggi seasoning I just picked to use in my dish fell and as I bend down to pick it, I did not know that it slips towards her and she also moves towards me to help me pick it. I don't know how it happens and uptill now I cant explain, a loud fart escaped my anus. And what I heard was "Oh no that is my mouth" so I quickly turned and see her mouth so close to my buttocks. Gush, I didn't know what to say or do and then I just say sorry na mistake. She angrily says "what will sorry do in this situation now. What type of mistake is that? in my mouth???". Honestly, I don't know whether that my appology was appropriate but I think that was the only thing I could utter because I was damn ashamed and speechless, becasue this is the girl I have been crushing on for two years now and just when I'm about requesting for her number that this useless, I called it enemy of progress fart occured. The worst was that her friend's husband rushed out of the room on hearing me apologising and her mean response and asked what happened. From the expressions on his face, he looks more anxious about what might have happened to trigger such mean response from her seing that we've been gisting and laughing.So she explains to the man in their dialect which I perfectly understand because I was brought up in that part of the country. She said This stupid boy just fart in my mouth when I want to help him pick something. She continues, See as his mess de smell like say him drink soak-away juice.Omo, I fainted#Original
Ojukwu is a great man, his manhood lives on - Dame Patience Jonathan
If your absence is not felt,ur presence is/was irrelevant#original
Goat no dey born dog#original.
If over 15 guys have sucked your breasts, you don’t need to call those things “your breasts”. It’s called COW BELL, OUR MILK! Repeat after me, OUR MILK!Again and again OUR MILK
Do not argue with an idiot. He willdrag you down to his level and beatyou with experience.ORIGINAL
"It requires alot of carefulness to kill the fly that perches on the scrotum ""Na co-operation dey make rice full for pot""The little opportunity given to a monkey 🐵 to wear cloths does not guarantee it to join the dinning table" "A child can play with its mothers breast but not its fathers testicles ""There's no virgin in a maternity ward"
Amen....thanks for this
Yee, God bless mama peace
Respect pregnant women because it’s not easy walking around with evidence that you’ve had sex..Robert Mugabe..
You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before. hahaha this must be a serious problem I tell u
"We live in a world where the fools get rich and the smart die crying" "It is only in Nigeria that you will see a grown man eating suya onions and say that it is peppering him""The size of a man's manhood does not determine the size of his brain ""It's only in Nigeria that two couple will be pregnant at the same time, one with child and the other with beer" "They say that where your treasure is, there lies your heart. Unfortunately some men have proven that their heart is in between the thighs of any thing in skirt" #Mybrainchild#
Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed. Onochie
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. Lana Turna
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell “BINGO!” Mugabe
When you keep taking pictures inside various cars and you expect your man to believe you are not cheating .Who exactly are you?..A mechanic?Any man who drinks alomo bitters without squeezing up his face is capable of murder...-Obasanjo 1999He who says nothing last forever has never tried hausa perfum....-Isaac Newton 1904He who fully unwraps a shawarma before eating it cannot keep a secret...-Anini 1989Whoever reads all this quote without laughing is looking for a job...-Lord Lugard 1914
LWKMD!!! Villager you are crazy!!
who ever go to bed with an itching anus will wake up with smelling fingers.Robert Mugabe
Why do people say “no offense or no disrespect ” right before they’re about to offend you? Onochie
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.Socrats I relate like mad My uncle is very smart now after just two years of marriage
The best way to lie is to tell the truth . . . carefully edited truth. Onochie
Men have only two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. Loko
Virginity is the best wedding gift any man would receive from his newlywed wife but lately, there’s nothing as such any longer because it’ll have already been given out as a Birthday gift, token of Appreciation, Job assurance, Church collection, Examination marking schemes and for Lorry fares!” Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow.From Robert Mugabe
*This happened 2 a friend* she actually went to visit a guy in his place.later in d evening arnd 8pm she decided 2 take her leave so he stopped a bike 4 her and as she mountd d bike,he placd money in2 her hand.lol,my friend think sey she don see tfare.na so she luk hand see 50bucks.He cum call her later askin her if d bikeman had change,my friend tell am sey na 50bucks he give am.He cum sey e no know,he thinks sey na 500naira.see talk o
Receive sense in Jesus mighty name amen...go and be foolish no more
That awkward moment you ask the bartender to bring coke and he said N500. You will be like" I mean coke, the mineral type not the alcoholic one". LMAO Copied.
He who knows not and knows not that he knows not, is a fool. #myfatheralwaysays
This is not a quote nither is it hilarious.... This is inspirational... Stella take note
Lol @ Adidas lines
"my morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting in bed and thinking how tired I am"
I will qiut when mugabe Dies'...wenger.'I will Die when wenger quits'..mugabe********If girls walk to town the way they pose in their pictures I swear the government will record the highest Disability rate ever..*******Guys,the best way to punish your dad is by joining the priesthood,so that he can call you 'Father' and you will answer him 'my son GOD loves you''#copied#
She is tapping
Virginity is the best wedding gift any man would receive from his newlywed wife but lately, there’s nothing as such any longer because it’ll have already been given out as a Birthday gift, token of Appreciation, Job assurance, Church collection, Examination marking schemes and for Lorry fares!” Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow.Robert Mugabe... Pls vote for me...i need money badly...
No condition is permanent ; no be 4 woman wey hm Breast don fall.
Emotion is stronger than knowledge. Anonymous
The monkey may claim oneness with the Chimpanzees but the monkey is still a monkey and the chimpanzees a chimpanzees cos when matters involving the monkey arises, the Chimpanzees learns to guide it's banana tree
Chai! Diaris God ooooDame Patience Jonathan.
Our people have a saying that when you see a woman sitting with her legs wide open, do not disturb her cos u don't know the source of her fresh air. Lol
The greatest time wasted is the time getting started. Anonymous
someone was giving testimony in a church about anointing oil she said after applying the oil it helped her in many ways even cooking and other house chores imagine anointing oil helping u in sweeping the house
#Don't let your age control your life. Let your life control your age*
In Nigeria of today, things are hard o! There is serious poverty and hunger!! Just imagine!!A guy slept very hungry and saw bread in his dream, he took it and started eating it in his dream. After he finished eating it, he saw a coconut and decided to eat it too but he didn't see a knife to cut it. So he decided to use his teeth only to receive a dirty strong slap from his elder brother! U don finish pillow....... Now na my head u dey chew..... U be witch!?....
An Edo Man invited his friends for his mother's burial. After lowering the coffin, the family put yam, rice, meat etc, into the grave in line with tradition. A Hausa Man asked why? The Edo man smiled and said,"According to our tradition, the dead go on a long journey and need all the food items they can get". The Hausa man dropped N100,000 inside and said, "When the food finish, buy more". The Yoruba man dropped N50,000 and said, "Add this in case it's not enough."The Igbo man smiled and brought out his cheque book and wrote a cheque of N200,000, dropped it in the coffin and took the N150,000 notes as change, then said "Nwanne, withdraw it when you reach dia oooo!!.. It is going to be a dangerous journey, we don't know how many robbers are out there and afterall we are in a cashless economy. Travel well oooo!Igbo Kwenu!!
*trying, *a couple.
blessed are you if you see my senseless Quote but still comment under it for yours is the kingdom of shoki i will get from the grand prize.. #origin is now ooo
Hahahahahahahahahahaha...very funny,i love them
Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it most never use it.
Where is Chike Teflon and Mr Skin to Skin?IkwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwaGuys, you shouldn't quit so easily na, keep trying, God might just make you win some day..IKwa...kwa....kwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwakwa
Don't go and work, you hear?. Disappear! Okpo!
They said 'one quote', you people are busy downloading hundred quotes from the net. No wonder una dey fail GCE and Jamb wella.
Na your most meaningful or hilarious 'quote' ever be this? Mstcheew
Na your quote be this? Abi na inspirational story them say make you write.
Na story dem say make you write?
You need help😂😂😂
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can seeit, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.“I bet giraffes don’t even know what farts smell like.”Do you think you’re safe in a car with your seatbeltson? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she’spregnant. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life onteaching them how to walk and talk. You then spendthe next 16 years yelling at them to sit down and shutup. "Copied"
You this isaacson guy, so you have joined girls on here to lick Stella's nyash.
Nobody does... Ask her who won d knock knock thing, though I didn't participate but was on d lookout
Serious tapping oo lolBut I no blame the woman, who no wan fine house?
A family friend's version was ' he who is a fool, and doesn't know that he's a fool and doesn't know that he doesn't know he is a fool...is a fool!
Bro Linus... No be only original... Na follow come.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can seeit, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.“I bet giraffes don’t even know what farts smell like.”Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down tohis level and beat you with experience.By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’llbecome happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become aphilosopher.Do you think you’re safe in a car with your seatbeltson? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she’spregnant."Copied"
Oh lord thank you o Thank you all for making my work easy today. simple what's your MOST meaningful/hilarious quote ever ? even with example !!!! mba! una begin download Google for me oriegwuAnon14:03 you will choke on that useless spit you are vomiting there...omo jati jati
Lol, asin eh
My fellow widows. Dame patience.
Lemme laugh here small, wetin happen ?
The koko be say make the quote dey hilarious weda na 1 or 10..... quote na quote...
Though ojukwu is dead, his manhood is still with us. 😍Dame patience ....
Villager has my vote
Na only you waka come? Dame patience Jonathan
This blood your sharing. Dame patience Jonathan
Big brova. Uriel
Let me go to bed, Bisola just made my day with her presentation. Tboxa is a comfirm olodo. Wat a shame
Once upon a time, a king had a greathighway built for the people who lived in hiskingdom. After it was completed, but beforeit was opened to the public, the kingdecided to have a contest.He invited as many of his subjects asdesired to participate. The challenge was tosee who could travel the highway the best,and the winner was to receive a box ofgold.On the day of the contest, all the peoplecame. Some of them had fine chariots,some had fine clothing and fancy food tomake the trip a luxurious journey.Some wore their sturdiest shoes and ranalong the highway on their feet to showtheir skill. All day they traveled the highway,and each one, when he arrived at the end,complained to the king about a large pile ofrocks and debris that had been left almostblocking the road at one point, and that gotin their way and hindered their travel.At the end of the day, a lone travelercrossed the finish line warily and walkedover to the king. He was tired and dirty, buthe addressed the king with great respectand handed him a small chest of gold. Hesaid, "I stopped along the way to clear apile of rocks and debris that was blockingthe road. This chest of gold was under it all.Please have it returned to its rightfulowner."The king replied, "You are the rightfulowner.""Oh no," said the traveler, "This is not mine.I've never known such money.""Oh yes," said the king, "you've earned thisgold, for you won my contest.""He who travels the road best is he whomakes the road better for those who willfollow." #copied#
There's nothing bad in the body of a mad woman except her head.🙈🙈
an overweight guy is feeling a bit horny, and he's heardabout this place that had advertised that it will make you loseweight before letting you have sex with a beautiful woman. Sohe decides to check it out.He gets there and the woman at the front desk tells himthere's a 20 lb plan, a 30 lb plan, and a 50 lb plan. He decidesnot to go too crazy on his first day and chooses the 20 lb plan.So a beautiful brunette comes out with a sign around her neck,saying "If you catch me, you can have me." He runs aroundchasing her all over the place for an hour, at which point hecatches her and they have sex. After they've finished, he getson the scale, and, sure enough, he's lost 20 lbs.A week goes by, and the man goes back. This time, though, hechooses the 30 lb plan and a beautiful blonde woman comesout with a sign around her neck, saying "If you catch me, youcan have me." He chases her this time for nearly 2 wholehours. Again, he finally catches her and they make love. Andagain, he gets on the scale after and he has actually lost 30lbs.The man goes back after another week, and this time hedecides to really go for broke, figuring that this last womanmust be the most attractive woman he's ever seen. He walksin and proclaims loudly, "I want the 50 pound plan!" Thewoman looks at him skeptically, but says okay. This huge,hairy, black gorilla comes out with a sign around his neck,saying "If I catch you, I can have you." #copied#
Ola wealth ooooo.HahahahahahaThis one is a knock out. Biko leave my Dame for me like that.You don win abeg. Haaaaa
HahahahaDstv own is the truth.
No winner again today. Una no dey hear word. Those that followed instructions did not get enough votes to win. Oya Anonymous, go and DIE!!
Please how do we vote o? I want to vote for Alabi Ganiyat. I don laugh taya
😂😂😂😂😂😂u have kee me with Laff oh
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