Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Thursday, 18 May 2017

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmm....




STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
FAMILY EMBROILED IN BROUHAHA

Hello Stella, double tuale for youπŸ‘ keep up the good job.
This might be a long read but I need all the advice I can get.


I have always seen family as a basic component of a stable society. That is where all ' vices and virtues' stem from.


My boyfriend is a man with a golden heart, he goes out of his way to help people and takes it upon himself to make sure everyone around him is carried along.


Let me give a short synopsis of where this whole thing started.
He attended a boarding school during his secondary school days, his University was outside Nigeria as well. So practically he has been out of his home since age '11'.


He has 2 younger sibling, both female and the age difference is over 4 years. They don't have a close relationship,he has been out of the country for 13 years now,never visited Nigeria.
Where the problem lies now,his relationship with the family,especially the father.


After school he moved to a country in Europe, tried making ends meet(legally), but the cash was not coming in, still sends 50euro home monthly and he was happy.


Until his father told him 50euro was nothing,he stopped sending it. God smiled on him, he got a deal(legal) that fetched him a whole lot of money. He was happy he could do something for his family. He sent money home for building projects, as a form of investment,sent cars to his father, funded his sister's tuition fee to school in Europe, funded the second sister to a country of her choice abroad. All these in a bid to repay the family and make things right. 


Eventually the contract ended and the money stopped, now the father wants him to relocate to Nigeria, to join politics.
He has fallen in love with the country he is presently, he has a young company there, has a work permit that will give him a permanent residence next year and he wants to build his life there.


Now,he needs fund to grow his company, he reached out to his dad to help him sell one of the properties he bought, so he can invest where he will like to stay but the father gave him a resounding NO. He has pleaded severally, the father is with the documents and has refused to send it to him, even when he invited the father over to Europe for vacation,the man did not bring the documents.


 The father is trying to push him into a tight corner, so he can return to Nigeria but he does not want to live here. His younger sisters are not appreciative of what he did, they believe he is only paying back the money their father invested in him. 

All these has built a huge wedge in the family and he has refused to talk to his father or have a relationship with the sibling.

I got involved in all these because he talks about this issue all the time, he is hurt,his emotions are deeply involved. But he tries to act like he does not care and can do without them. 


When I try talking him out of his ego,we get into a fight.
I want to help him but I don't know how. 

Stella please use your red pen,i believe you will understand the hustle of a young Nigerian in Europe. Thank you.



77 comments:

GALORE said...

Ayam not understanding



@Galore

Em jay said...

Which kin family be that biko?

chubby barny said...

So what do u want us to advise u?

Bheem said...

DOA

Chike TEFLON said...

Poster tell him to settle amicably with his family. Don't put yourself in a family problem. Don't be surprise if you put yourself in the picture they will use you to settle their problem and you will be the enemy.

LEAVE THEM ALONE.

blood is thicker than water.

Anonymous said...

Live am e no concern u.

Blackberry said...

Babe, nothing dey this country o, politics is not for the faint hearted. If I were him, Laiye, I won't return to join any politics.

@after_movingon said...

He should come home first and see if any property exists.
Secondly, we Africans have this annoying sense of entitlement. It is the responsibility of parents to raise their children and wish them well in their future endeavor. Some siblings are not just it.
M advice to you is stay away from family ish. Let him make peace by coming home because the Bible says we should honour our parents so that our days will be long on earth. When he comes home the family should sit down and get to know themselves he should give his family reasons why he can not relocate to Nigeria. From there he will take his final stands.

Madam Small Chops said...

Fighting with his dad won't solve issues, he should make time to come home and have a heart to heart talk with him.He should get someone the dad respects in the conversation.

Maybe his dad is scared he will forget home if he is very comfortable in Europe.If thats not the case then he should find out why his dad wants him home.

Wisdom is profitable to direct, meanwhile whose name does the property bear? Your boo or his dad.

He needs to reconcile with his siblings too,he cant fight this battle alone.

St.FranKooL.... said...

#Be sure to do what is right for you. No one else is walking in your shoes*

Anonymous said...

Wetin be your concern sef?

SUGAR. said...

Let me be real with you....

His father wants him to visit and know his way here. 13years in a strange land without going home.. Who does that?. It is OK to invest but does he know the location of his properties?

Visit at least once or twice yearly. The old man wants the best for him.

Giselle Lawrence said...

Stella baby, I'm still searching for your red pen ooo lol

code009 said...

He has done well for himself, let him obey the father first, come back home inspect his properties and talk to the father even if he has to pretend. Then he can convince the father so he can keep his business abroad.
Sometimes you have to pretend to make things right.
Get the sisters involved so the can persuade the dad to see things in his light. Sturbboness can't help him.

lopezbarbie said...

Teflon take 5, ur head dey dere.blood is thicker than water.dem go use am settle.

BLUNT said...

Miss Selfish, this post is codedly all about you. You craftily scripted it and totally made it look as if you had no hand in his staying put wherever it is he is. You want to snatch their son and keep him solely for yourself right? Madam, allow him go back to his people. He's not complaining to you. You made that up. You successfully convinced him to stay back. Let him go.

sexy Daddy said...

Poster,I understand how the young man feels.In my own view the young man should ignore his father for now and continue to hustle.Let him use silence and kill them.No calls,no picking of their calls.I believe when the dad is tired he can then do the needful.I believe God is still on his case,luck will surely smile at him again.

Eze Mary said...

Wetin concern u

RadioHead Steelheart said...

My Dear Just be there for him..Sometimes we dont have the right words to say but just giving him moral support and allow him to be the man..Secondly, dont involve yourself in family ish..You were not there at the beginning and you heard only his side? What about hearing from his father/siblings?? There are 3 sides of the story: 1st Party 2nd party and the truth..Dont involve yourself in it..let him settle with his dad...

Anonymous said...

Just because he's a father doesn't make him right, stop with the silly advices people, this is pure wickedness and selfishness from his family. He was sending 50 euros they said it was too small, such family push their children to do all sorts abroad. The young man is focused, he has a small business he should start from there. The father should join politics, after all politics here in Nigeria is for the elderly(our president is a perfect example). We Nigerians should stop this traditional way of thinking even if our parents our outright wrong, if his hand our clean God will surely bless the works of his hands. Please tell him to forget his people and move on with his life. Okay what happen when he comes back and no head way in the so called politics. Obviously the father likes easy and fast cash. I short I don vex, make I stop here. Just because he donated sperm doesn't make him a father. Namsense.

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

Oh hi poster πŸ–

Firstly, God bless you for seeking peace in the family. My kind of woman. I know what it means to be with a first son cos my mum and sisters all married first sons. You need a large heart to be the wife of one and you seem to have one. So kudos!! πŸ‘Š

Now to the matter at hand (brace up to read)

1. Your bf should get his residence papers FIRST before coming to Nigeria. Why? Good. Nigerian politics is very unstable and even the business terrain can be shaky. With his resident papers, he can shuttle between countries and when you guys get married, your travelling for childbirth, vacation etc would be easier. You may even relocate with the kids for a few years, so they can get their own papers.

2. Let him tell his dad that he has agreed to relocate, but he needs a fee more years so his 'labour' wont be in vain. This would help the man cool down and support his decisions. The father doesnt want him to sell his investments and be a 'weist' in oyibo land. Its thr typical Nigerian dad mentality and i can tell you that most dads would prefer you find a way out of your problem than liquidate an investment. Okay?

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

3. When he was living abroad.... were his sisters in Nigeria? I'm guessing yes. See ehn my dear.... African mentality states that the parents give the male child the best while the female children get the basics and wait for him to become a superstar- as the head of house. Lol. So you can never tell how many times the family had to go hungry so that their star-son will shine. You dont know the life sacrifices those girls had to make so he can come out as an educated young mam in that country. Infact, the dad sef may have made more sacrifices for that his son that's why he was angry when the boy was sending €50. That's not what he bargained for upon all his sweat. So don't judge them on their lack of sentiments for his predicament. They should be more grateful, yea. But their ungratefulness is born out of something. PLEASE find out what that thing/ those things is/are. Ask the right questions and you will get the right answers.

TheLagosShopper(shoes?dresses?bags?aso-ooke?aso-ebi?exotic laces?customised George?all thing bride&groom?what can't we source from the popular Lagos markets to anywhere in/outside Naija?07030493148! said...

Please beg him to stay where he is till he's sure there's something he's coming home to,Wetin dey for someone that already owns a small company in this Naija?he should come home shortly to come verify his investments and try talking to his dad korokoro,

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

4. Let him take a trip home to come and talk to his dad. Man-to-man. Let him give his dad his plan and listen to the man's own. So they can find a meeting point. Sometimes they say what an adult sees sitting on the floor a child on a tree wont see it. However, your soon to be FIL is a controlling man. Make una just jejely accept am like that and navigate your way around the man's instructions. He is the type that will get angry when you disobey him. He wont change, just press his mumu button.

5. Does his dad have a wife? I didn't hear you make mention of the mother. Well if there's a woman in his life, it would be nice to talk to her. She will be the best person to tell you how to handle the dad.

6. Of course you put it all in prayers. Or do you need me to remind you of that very necessary fact? Hian!! Lol.

Rowland Dominic said...

Chike mbok let me burrow space.

One thing is how is he so sure there's even any property in the first place. What if the reason the father isn't bulging is because there's none to sell. Secondly Family dispute brings nothing but separation for a while after a little while they'd patch things up. So poster careful how you meddle into their affairs else as Child said they'd likely use you to settle their problem. Oh and if he can make it the first time By his grace God will help him another time. All the best to him

PLATINUM said...

Your boyfriend is a man! He should act like one.
He should decide what HE wants to do with HIS lIFE and stick to it. Dont try to persuade him otherwise, even without his dad selling and property and sending the proceeds to him, he can still make it in life. He just has to work hard at it and with God he will do it.
The only thing you can do is talk to him to make his relationship right with his family but aside that do not interfer in his family life.
He should find a way to speak with his dad and make him understand that Europe is where his heart lies.

One thing he should try and get over is the hurt he feels. Human are what they are, humans. They might not always appreciate the good u do for them, but we should akways do good wen we can. And next time, wen he gets a huge contract he should keep a good porrion for himself to avoid all these stories.

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

7. Did his dad really buy the properties? If he did, did he buy it in the boy's name or in his own name? Remember what i said about possible sacrifices to train the boy. Maybe the dad feels entitled to his son's money and hasn't followed due instructions. Please you people should find out first before you start flexing muscles for investments.

Thats all i can say for now. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

I'm in a similar position but different story. Im very depressed and have attempt committing suicide all because I don't have a job. Parent and siblings turn their back on me, I'm a subject of gossip

jelly said...

Your guy should obey his father first, he should travel back to see things for himself. Then he can now decide if he wants to stay or not

Anonymous said...

He should travel down to Nigeria and confirm if indeed he has the "properties". My own Dad did same to me, he shafted me off millions despite the fact that he is not totally responsible for my travelling out and my siblings. I travelled back to Nigeria and changed gear for him before he dropped all my documents. His father might be scared he might forget Nigeria. He should play the fool with so much diplomacy, let him( the Dad) believe he is into the politics game and then inform him he cant bank roll the campaign without selling his properties. As soon as he drops the documents for loan, he can do whatever he likes with it.
As regards his sisters, he should just ignore them( we all have one or two ingrates in our families don't we?)Na marriage go teach them their respective lessons.
Pls stir clear off family issues, Na your head Dem go use break coconut! My ex tried it, I didn't forgive her for a long time. Europe is cool once you are properly documented.. Cheers

Anonymous said...

Blood is thicker than water, nigetia go surviveπŸŽ΅πŸŽ΅πŸŽ΅πŸŽ΅πŸŽΆπŸŽΆπŸŽΆπŸŽΆπŸŽ™πŸŽ™πŸŽ™πŸŽΉ.
Dont get yourself embroiled in family ish pls. Pretend you dont even hear when he is talking.
No matter how i fight with my sisters, anybody who side me and slay them get side eyes from me.

SWAG LAFRESH said...

Familiar story.

Might be coincidence though

Jeni_zee said...

The family nawa. He should hold on and get his permanent residency, people don't understand that it is difficult to adjust back in Nigeria when u have stayed abroad where there are no bad road, security and electricity issues

SWAG LAFRESH said...

Maybe papa did not build any house

SWAG LAFRESH said...

πŸ‘πŸ‘

Anonymous said...

Me I don't even know wat to say! All dis family issues ish sef!na wa o! Beht mk ur bobo stand up for his rights! He works,he deserves to enjoy wat he works for! Haba!

Jeni_zee said...

Tell your man to act like he has agreed nd go to Nigeria to get his document

Mao Akuh said...

ENcourage him to go to Nigeria and talk to his dad, scan the environment as well just to make his dad happy, later he can travel back to Europe. Do not push him and don't let them know that you're in the picture. Goodluck to him.

Anonymous said...

Chikito na only you give am beta advice. Poster read hers well, you will get an insight

Nobi's Mum said...

I think he should get his resident permit first. After that he can visit home. With his resident permit, he can return to his country of choice anytime he wants to. There is no money in Nigeria o. And nobody is sure that the properties exist.

Mao Akuh said...

He shouldn't miss that his permit, he should endeavour to get it first.

Ndidiamaka Ndidiamaka said...

I got bored...*yawns*

Anonymous said...

Blunt the misogynist

Anonymous said...

I know how you feel.

Anonymous said...

He shld wait till next year, to get d permanent residency. While in dis process, he should call his dad, apologize for everything and tell them he will b relocating back on or before next year. He shldnt disclose d real reason. He can say der r depths he wants to clear off as well as selling off all he needs to, for d relocation. He should keep being at peace n talking terms w them, until his permanent resident permit is out. Then, travel down to naija, check tins out for himself, he will know wat to do next.

Highlyfavoured

Anonymous said...

Ass licker

Anonymous said...

Wow!!! I was about typing the same thing. Poster doesn't want him to go back. Shikina!!!

Thatkogigirl. said...

My dear once that guy returns home, he will never leave. Something very similar happened to someone I know. As am talking to you the guy is nothing compared to what he was before. I just don't know if it's jazz that was used on him but he never went back. Now he is penniless in this harsh country. Pls from the way the poster sounds, I don't think they is any property. The guy should just keep praying and fasting to God and he will get a better contract. Pls he should not come back. I repeat he shouldn't come back. People are wicked ooo. A word they say is enough for the wise..

Mhiz A... said...

Best advice@ small chops.
From your write up, your boo is d only and first son too. Do u think the father will be happy he's residing abroad? He would want him here, married and with kids so as to maintain d lineage.

Just advice your boo to go home first and know why his dad wants him in Nija.

Everybody must not make it in d 'away, I have seen some folks who stayed abroad but had nothing to show for it but on returning home they became part of d elite. Read the novel 'Americannah' by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

So DAT guy should go home and sort his shit out with his father.

Push up said...

My dear that's just it, if he loves the country so much he should remain there, cause the moment he comes back his father would do everything possible to keep him here (even juju). My guess is that there is no property so he should let it go, he should start something no matter how small to support his business so that it doesn't lead to family battle, do not get too involved in the issue, try not to give an agressive decision so you don't look like an enemy in the end, instead you can refer him here for honest advice

Push up said...

Haven't you heard of parents using juju to stop their kids from going back

Push up said...

Tankio

Anonymous said...

Ha! Not again! All this plenty talk, one person? Shut it! You talk too much. Haba!

Anonymous said...

What kind of crazy advice is this! Poster don't listen to This please. Only return if you have your resident permit set. Don't try it without resident permit. The same people pressuring you to come home will be the same people that will laugh at you and use you as example when things don't work out. If you must honor get your resident permit first! Shikena

Anonymous said...

Then one day he will get an invitation to the poor man's burial.
You don't just ignore loved ones like that, 13 years is a very long time not to visit home, the man misses his son but as an African parent he can't say it because he doesn't want to sound weak.
Am sure the man regrets sending him abroad in the first place
Advice your boyfriend to go home and visit, calm the man down and explain why he has to live in Europe and promise to come to Nigeria as often as possible.

sholetoga said...

Poster........let your man hold on until he gets his residency permit, then he can visit the country to see the property. I won't advice him to sell it to finance a new business ,he should tell the father to rent it out and use the proceed to finance whatever he wants.

Anonymous said...

I hope this person reads your comment. In 2017 most family members are all mouth no action. Mr Man focus on your life. They will not be there when things hit the fan. If they are nice enough they might be sympathetic but that's it. Some will not even care but gossip.

Ed said...

Exactly Rowland....there's no property anywhere... Nothing!

Gold Taken said...

He should stay back. His father is selfish and greedy. If he loves politics so much, shebi Buhari is 75 abi 80 whatever, he is in line. He should go and start doing his poster, it's not late. If when he calls home and they discuss Nigerian govt and he is articulate about it doesn't make him a politician. The way evil abound, his welcome party might be a stab on the back before he even sees the form to fill. Girlfriend/poster, the best gift you can give him at this time is to pray real hard for him. Shalom.

sholetoga said...

Chikito has given you some good advice there. But I want to add that the man may have his reasons for asking him to come back home. He might feel he's not making headway there and maybe baba is politically connected. He might mean well too but he has the son should find how to sit him down and rub minds. But that's after he's gotten his residency permit

Mr A said...

He can get a parmenent recident parmmit, so he can be going back home,he can also be running his bissines and go into politics, this is no big problem

ukwu dimond said...

he should make peace with his family, no place like home (family), you have plenty work to do, try your best to make sure he is having good relation with his sibling and father.

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

@Anon 17:37 please read more below and in your next life get good education so you can write coherent essays. Ta-da πŸ‘‹

Blessing Anthony said...

Enter your comment...A similar incident happened to my late uncle. His dad took possession of his properties which brought about a misunderstanding between father and son, after long years of keeping malice with his dad, the dad released the properties but with a curse. He told his son that as long as he's alive (the father) his son will leave those properties by force. the outcome was death (my uncle died). Pls beg your friend to allow his desperate father keep the documents for his own good o... after all when there's life there's hope. thanks

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much dear, I have been able to learn a lot from your response,long or not.

AbaMade said...

Hmmm I know of a man who swore non of his male kids will go overseas for studies. His fear is that they'll decide not to come back.
At this point, it is safe to say they are more of acquaintances than family.
He should be more invested in Nigeria, no matter what here is still home for him.

Jasmine said...

He should wait and get his residence permit o.


He shouldn't dare come back. As for the sisters, he should just ignore them. Mother Nature will surely deal with them

Amacastel said...

Blunt u helped me type.

Amacastel said...

Don't mind the over entiltiled girlfriend

Amacastel said...

How can a sane man leave his home from 13 good yrs & still dy vex for I'm papa cos he ask him to come home, poster ur guy has to come home to marry a Nigerian wife biko that's the ideal for true son of his Father.

Amacastel said...

Anons shut the fuck up didn't you read where the poster said that the father send him abroad to study, do you think that is one Naira to send pple abroad for education & you dare called such man a sperm donor. Is obvious you have an irresponsible Father that's why you don't knw the difference BTW daddy & sperm donors.

Anonymous said...

The saying blood is thicker than water does not mean what you think it means. It means the blood of battle is thicker than the water of the womb.

Oscar Lee said...

Are you tired of your ATM card not doing foreign transactions? You know that's really bad for business. Now, let me help you get a payoneer card in Nigeria within 2 weeks and you get a $25 bonus free.

Amethyst said...

Poster the mistake we women sometimes make is getting ahead of ourselves. It is not your business. Stay out of his family issues.
Ofcourse be there for him and pray with him but it really isn't your place to say how this or that is wrong or right. You will really never fully understand the inner workings of families like this trust me. Have you heard from the family's side?? You are already biased and rightly too. Until you can give an objective analysis of what is happening- and you can't, I'd say be wise.
Let him sort it out with them. All the best.

Giselle Lawrence said...

Eze question, how my own comment take concern you? Wetin concern you?

Calabar baker 08119058811 said...

Just advice and encourage him to try to make peace with his family,but he should not come back till he gets his resident permit so he can go back anytime he wants

Anonymous said...

At a time when many Njgerians are running away from this wicked country, his own family are pressing his neck to come back here. If he ever makes the mistake of doing their bidding he will regret it for the rest of his life.

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