Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Advertisement

Advertisement - Mobile In-Article

Wednesday, 21 June 2017

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmm..sometimes it is not so easy!



STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

MARRIAGE VERSUS CAREER

Good day Stella, thanks for the great job you are doing on your blog. I have been following you for some years now. Please I need advice from you and my fellow blog visitors. Kindly hide my ID.
My marriage and Career is at stake.


I met my husband when I was just finishing my MSc program. I told him then about my plans to further my education and pursue a career in the academics. He seemed pleased with the idea. I was residing and schooling in his home State at the time, while he was working in Abuja.


 When I wanted to enroll for PhD, I informed him of my intention. But he wasn't so keen, he suggested that I wait for some years as he had other things to do with money and may not be able to support me financially at that time. Soon after, he was transferred to Lagos and I was getting fed up of the long distance relationship. He wasn't talking seriously about marriage and I didn't just want to put my life on hold for no reason, so I went ahead and started the program without waiting for his assistance. I had a job then, not too fantastic, but enough to pay my bills. During the course of the program, I applied for a lecturing job in my department.


Fast forward two years, we were married, had a baby and I quit my job to join him in Lagos, hoping to get a similar job or something even better. I was on my project at the time and needed mad money. So I kind of put the program on hold.


Few weeks ago, my Dad called me to come and apply to the VC of my school, apparently, he ran into an old friend who has influence and could help me secure the job.


Since then, my husband has been moody. He complained about the distance. Having his family far from him, going back to his bachelorhood days etc etc. Finally, he said that he won't stop me from going after the job but that he is very sure that he won't be able to cope with the distance.


My husband grew up in a broken home. Family is very important to him. Though he has a job, he is just able to provide our basic needs, no luxury, our baby hasn't even started school yet. Right now I'm confused. Where will I get another golden opportunity in a country like ours to secure my dream job. 

Do I go ahead and pursue it, knowing my marriage will suffer? Or hope to find a good job here in Lagos. What about my PhD program? Should I abandon it? How can I even finance it. Please I need advice.


112 comments:

amanda favour said...

Na wah. Oh!
Lemme read comments oh

SWEETIE said...

Your husband is just being selfish, some men are like that,coming to agreement with you on things Luke this but after all said and done they will swallow their word back. My friend save ur marriage,just keep praying better opportunity comes alone the line

Brandedme said...

If ur husband job isnt well paying why can't u relocate together nd he can even find a greener pasture

LOLO IDEATO said...

Life isn't all about you!

Now you're married your family first then every other thing

Yori Yori Princess Loveme Jeje said...

hmmmmmmm between the red sea and the devil. I will support you go and get the job that your dad has for you, then you finish your phd. I am sure your kid will be with you or are you willing to drop him with your husband?

I understand where he is coming from, so he needs a solid home but that cant give you the good life. Na wa. Odikwa easy ooo

Blessedtina said...

Why not cling to the job,such opportunities are never easy to come bye.with time your hubby will start coping

PASTOR'S DAUGHTER said...

Okokobioko!!! Why do i think you horseband is a selfish man.








Ok let me read comments kawai

I am the queen and the boss of this blog(CHIEF) said...

Poster,start applying for a job in Lagos nah...
You are married and it's not advisable to live apart!..
Hian!...
Or do you want to raise your child alone so he/she will grow up to turn to an Evans all because of career?...
How much will be your salary sef?...that would make you leave your family?...
That's how you people break una home!
Msheew

Anonymous said...

ask your dad if your husband can secure a job in that same state you wanna move to.

Anonymous said...

Usually i would take the feminist stance we need to be objective about this. Firstly, the new job would it pay better than what your husband is earning? Is there job security and a provision for growth and a salary increment? If yes all of you should pack your bags and leave. If no, then I hate to say this but stay put with your family.

It would be difficult but please before you agree to stay put ask him for some money to start a business. You will manage this business till you get a job. If his countenance is nasty tell him that is the only condition for not taking the job. My mum left her job because my dad asked her to. Now if she wants to buy sanitary towels she has to write it down and specify the amount. Trust me, that is no way to live. People change so if you are not taking it there has to be some sort of security on ground. If he does not give you any form of security aunt please take the job. If he cares he will get over it. If he wants to end the marriage over that it shows he is petty and not worth it.

miss Fee said...

Naturally I'll advice you pick your marriage and start over with career pursuit in your new location with hubby, if you know in your heart he's a good man and worth the sacrifice.
But, seeing as we live in Nigeria, a country that actually does her best to frustrate the little efforts of the middle and lower class people... I'd suggest you beg him to understand and take the job and push for your PHD. do your best so he doesn't regret it. Spend every single hols and free time with him, lecturing jobs isn't so tedious and PHD would eventually come to a close.
While st the new lecturing job, don't stop applying for another one within your husband's locale. We never can tell, you might get lucky, stranger things have been known to happen.

Laeffizy said...

Wow, poster this is really dicey. Can he give you two years off? Plead with him please. In two years you can complete your Ph.D programme, gain lecturing experience and try to publish as many papers and journals as possible. Subsequently, you will either plan your lectures within a particular period then go back home... That's how flexible lecturing can be... It all depends on your HOD.
Finally by this time you can begin to apply to universities... Especially private UNIs around Ogun axis... With your experience and qualification you will stand a better chance.
All the best.

Chinyelugo Esther said...

Dear Madam, given the economic situation in this country. you need this job. Opportunity comes knocking once, your hubby should understand this or does he want you to be a house wife. In the long run, it will benefit everyone especially your baby.
My two cents tho...its never easy at first.

Anonymous said...

Looks like you have already advised yourself;
Your marriage will suffer if you go for this job/career
Your husband grew up in "a broken home" and you don't need to subject him to it all over
If he is the "playing type" he will allow you to go and find "clean babes" to browse and pound
You married a good man from what I read up there
Your dad should not interfere in your marital decisions
It is purely a matter between you, your husband and God who instituted the marriage
Marriage is all about sacrifices and in this case, it is your turn to do so

Mz Poundz said...

This one get as e be. madam, I pray you find solution to what you're seeking.. but if I were you, I'll choose my career. implore your hubby to see reasons with you &work on a timetable that'll favour you both. there's no crime in seeking better living conditions for one's family.

you'll be fine!

Anonymous said...

Please it is wrong to hide under the "feminist tag" and pursue fantasies instead of your marriage; your child and husband is all you have now.
There is a difference between feminism and foolishness
We do not want to read a sad chronicle; "I went to work in another city and he impregnated another girl that gave him twin boys . . ." That sort of thing

Madam Small Chops said...

My advice is in your chronicle "Hope to find a good job in Lagos"

Before the good job comes, you can pick up a semi "good job" like teach in a good high school or work in a good firm.I know with your PhD in view , you feel there is a "place" for you.Sometimes we have to start from the Bottom to get to that place.

Long and short of my epistle is BUILD YOUR CAREER AROUND YOUR FAMILY.Don't place one above other.

God Bless your home

wideawake naija said...

Hmmmn. Get the job. Finish your PhD. Lecturing is very flexible. Nothing will happen to your marriage. No matter what you do for a man, it will never be enough. If you put your life on hold, he will still not care and you will keep regretting all your life. A good husband will support you no matter what but this one doesn't sound like he wants you to achieve anything sef.

Anonymous said...

What shall it phrophit a woman iph she gets her phe h D and lose her dear husband?
What shall a woman give in exchange for a good husband?

Anonymous said...

Madam are you telling us that you want to leave your husband because he does not provide you with "luxury" but provides "only basic needs?"
What is the definition of "greed" again?

Osato said...

Men can be selfish sometimes.my sister travelled to london for her 1 year masters nd the husband allowed her.nd to tink they where trying 4 a baby then.d husband went visiting till she finished and she even got pregnant in the process.so posters uts can work if ur husband puts his mind to it.marriage is all abt sacrifices

Debbie me said...

First time I'm agreeing with you. Poster please try and look for other jobs in lagos, learn to compromise, this is your family you are talking about. Girls are not smiling ooo, to avoid stories that touch.

Anonymous said...

Good suggestions but in all poster, seek God's face and take d decision you know will come with God's support...

Anonymous said...

It is dicey. He may start another relationship. Pray pregnancy from another woman does not happen. Sometimes, marriage draws us back. It is happening to me right now, but I love my family more than any other thing.the difference is that my husband in financially very capable.

Anonymous said...

Honestly, its a dicey situation. Common sense says stay with your husband but something tells me yoy will regret it and get resentful for abandoning your dreams. I have no answer for u.lets listen to others

Down to Heart Chic said...

Queen, for the first time you make sense. Please keep it up o.

Poster, please take this advice. Your husband just told you he wouldn't be able guarantee his fidelity in the marriage should there be separation.Your family first while you continue to pray and make efforts in getting a job in the same state where your family resides.

Anonymous said...

All of you that replied my question abt jago thank u.

Eminado Onimisi said...

Poster follow the advice of anon 15:12, she/he has said it all.

amanda favour said...

Poster please take this advice

Oma maranma said...

Hmmm.. I'll read comments

Brandedme said...

Na only inside Chronicles I dey c u

ADA ANAMBRA, LOVER OF LOVE said...

Ma'am, marriage entails more than we can imagine,SACRIFICE majorly. Once the both of you don't reach a compromise,it will surely be hard. Quitting your job to join him in Lagos is a sacrifice u've made,you couldn't finish your PH.D due to lack of funding I guess and your baby is not in school yet....Hmmmm, e no go easy ooo,but I believe he should also make this sacrifice for you, try talking things over with him ,give reasons why it's important you take the job because "Obodo bu igwe" now but if he insists,pls forget the job to avoid further chronicles. May God be your guide dear.

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire a.k.a 'Anike' πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ said...

LOL. this topic ministered to me.
Well, before some of you come and throw the married women banner on us, you can see why some of us are not in a rush. The worst thing that can happen to an ambitious woman is marrying a man who doesn't 'get' it. I have very ambitious sisters, who have supportive husbands even when their income wasn't even doing anything for the house. See ehn, there is NOTHING like a supportive husband, I tell you and a fulfilled wife is a better helpmate.

Now to your issue, madam your husband is not seeing the big picture here. He is dwelling on temporary negativities.

1. We should never let our background determine our future (we say that here everytime). So therefore, why is he giving you that gist of he grew up in a broken home? is he his father? NO! He can make his own choices and run his home differently. So him playing that card is one kain to me oh.

2. This job is beneficial to not only you, but the whole family. When you build your career, you will have a profile in academia, and go on to make more flexible choices. Right now you are still at the early stage so both you and hubby need to make some sacrifices to make life better for your family in future. In Nigeria right now, profiling is key ooh. OKAY!!

3. Do you want to be that mum who doesn't have a success story? Or you want to be that mum who has not achieved what your children can aspire to be like? Well i choose the later and that keeps me going. Even at times of stress, i remember i owe it to my kids to be an inspiration and a role model. I owe them a lot of experiences they can tap from. if i dont take risks, I will never be that woman to them. I want them to see how i built my dream against all odds. Are you on my type of team?

4. I don't know about you, but i like straight talk with the guys. They are always 'emotional' when it comes to their own sacrifice. When its your turn to sacrifice, they become boss. See how you quickly moved to join him without asking questions. Biko, seat him down and show him the big picture. One or two years won't kill your marriage if both of you understand where you are going as a team (I AM TALKING FROM VERY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE). Explain to him what this means for all of you and how you have to sacrifice to build. When you see successful couples (would you talk to one for advice if you can?), please ask them how it was at the beginning. You will be amazed at what you will hear. The thing is we always see the end product, not the foundation, plotting, execution etc. One thing with academia is that the more you stay out, the more you phase out. Its easier to move to a batter job from a job, than to get a dream job from unemployment. With a PHD and few years of experience, you can apply to Univeristies in his State and you will even be able to dictate how and when you want to lecture.

I can talk extensively with numerous examples on this issue. But let me not populate this post. Pray (if you believe in God) about it too because God changes spouse's minds. You will be shocked that one day he will just wake up and tell you he thinks this is a good move for you guys. However, if you pray and you aren't led just leave it and believe God has a better plan

Cheers!

Rappakatakata said...

Try your best to convince him to accept your taking up the job. He can at least make scheduled and unscheduled visits to your location when the 'konji' becomes unbearable. Please don't trash his resistance now and come back tomorrow with chronicles of how that your husband have gone after other girls because you asserted your decision to relocate to take up a job offer.

Push up said...

And you think a good man is easy to come by? My dear pray very well even God said its not good for a man to be alone, a solution would definitely come out, or can you go and see how it goes, at least for a year. Your hubby is even being realistic some men would push you to go so they can enjoy all the girls in lagos

Anonymous said...

why don't you start the process? It usually takes a while before you are given an appointment letter with all the perks spelt out. Maybe by then he will have a change of mind or both of you would have reached an agreement. Pls don't reject your father's friend offer.



Mummy Iren

Sweet Child said...

Pls go for the job, since he moved from abuja to lagos he can also move to your job location when you are established, lecturing job is not easy to come by

kudoscake Lagos said...

You already know what you want. For me, family comes first.

Anonymous said...

Madam... Don't be surprised... You might end up not getting the job. Weigh your options well and apply wisdom

Oma maranma said...

Hmmm... well the advice is a good one.. poster try this. Good head that shoulder laeffizy.

Sweet Child said...

If he doesnt cheats your relocation will not make him to cheat, but if he cheats, he will do so right under your nose. dont bother urself about cheating

Oma maranma said...

Good one.. poster try this. Good head on that shoulder laeffizy

ukwu dimond said...

Still have one last time heart to heart discussion with your husband and see if he will agree but if he refuse please just let the lecturing job go, look for any small job in Lagos and start first, your PhD should be on hold for now, till you are able to build your home. your home is more important right now, is not easy to be far from your husband, this career you are after is for your children, what will be your joy if your family is divided or your children will not enjoy their father's love. You need to think and use wisdom, wish you all the best.

What shall it profit you if you have PhD with good lecturing job and have a broken home? Abi you want to be the husband and the wife to your children?

Anonymous said...

Poster see let me tell u, dnt go for that job. look for work here in Lagos n stay with ur hubby. dnt listen to dis ppl telling to go for the job bcos most of them are still single and might not know wat it means to live apart as couple. dnt give devil chance to enter ur home. wat shall it profit u to make d whole money n live a single life if anytin should happen to ur marriage? nne biko cool down and manage with him now. God will bring another one that will be beta n bigger and u will stay in peace in ur home. marriage dis time is not dat easy ooo

Anonymous said...

Aunty Push up is everything about a man ...I am sure you are the kind of lady..that will pray for a husband instead of a good paying job first as a young lady...dear poster your husband is a selfish man and not a good man ...a good man will support the dreams of his woman ..he would want the best for you...so go get the job ..he will adjust

Anonymous said...

This is exactly my line of thinking. Poster the ball is in your court.

Anonymous said...

And how good is a husband that cannot support his wife's dreams and aspirations? I think poster's husband is afraid of his wife's ambition, because he knows she is intelligent and will make it. Some men don't realise that when they support their wives they are supporting themselves. Who knows tomorrow? Her job may be the one carrying the family one day or not, but there is nothing wrong in both spouses being empowered.

TheLagosShopper(Goods and services 4rm the popular Lagos markets to anywhere in naija?07030493148) said...

Think and pray well madam,some men are fine with this kind of issue but since your husband came out to say he couldn't,don't risk it.
wirh prayers you will stil go places in your career but if u loose your home in pursuit of what what that you can later achieve and even climb the ladder fast,u might regret it.
I was home for 4yrs raising our little family and trying my hands at any business(most dint work)until I finally got a break.i saw jobs but hubby gets home earliest 8pm and those jobs would let me get home at that time too.
God help you with the best decision for you!!

Anonymous said...

For once chikito I agree with you 101%.why do men even find it difficult to make sacrifices? If a good company offers him a job and one of the terms is he will go outside Nigeria for a year for training he will be quick to grab it and nobody will remember again that long distance kills marriage. Nigeria is not a place you will like to stay without a career as a woman.

Anonymous said...

So she should not aspire to be better? Wanting to improve, is that greed? Is it only one child they will have? And if it is won't that child deserve the best? I think the husband should support the wife with their future in mind. The same man will grow tired of his wife asking him for every little thing after some time. The academic line is her interest and she should be supported. I don't see why he doesn't want to invest in her. Poster if he refuses don't give up. As a BV has suggested try to get a teaching job for experience, pending when you get a better job close to home. Pray for your hubby to support you. When life brings opportunities you grab them or you may regret.

Anonymous said...

Please make sure your finished your PHD, don't be like me that uses 8 years to complete my masters prog after re applying when my studentship was first terminated. Please just make sure you complete what you've started.

Anonymous said...

Funny thing is fidelity cannot be guaranteed even with her there. I dislike his threatening her.

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire a.k.a 'Anike' πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ said...

Oh well...... it's not like I made this comment (or any other) for you to agree with me or not. Next time please use your ID. Cos when it's time to abuse people like you come out in flying colours.

marjorie said...

Dear Poster,
You mentioned that your husband met you a career driven young lady so why is he acting insecure. The moment he married you he agreed to allowing you grow your passion with him rather than drown out your dream.
See, discuss with him and try as much as possible to give him logical and not emotional reasons.
If you need do your private rehearsals and compose yourself psychologically and emotionally before this discussion, please do.

You both can only do much more as a team rather than as opponents.
You previously compromised your job to be married to him. I guess it's time he admits that a better life awaits you both but the opportunity is presented to you and not him.

Anonymous said...

Okay, rely not only on your own understanding, commit the present and future in the hands of the creator. Remember we are only but a clay in the hands of the porter. Take each day as it comes and hopefully, everything will work out for those that believe in a Christ Jesus! #Dnl

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire a.k.a 'Anike' πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ said...

Lol. You're so right. Men can't be satisfied at all. If you become a financial liability tommorow he will tell you to look at Okonjo Iweala. Not thinking of the sacrifices Mr. Iweala had to make to let his wife go that far in life. Oshisco!

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire a.k.a 'Anike' πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ said...

Gbam! Only two years. 3 years max. She will apply to them private universities and get a job

Chiamaka Ezeani said...

Best advice so far

Anonymous said...

Im a female yet i dont think your husband is being selfish. Its not easy to be married and have a wife living in a different state. I also know that money is important. If you take that job, dont be surprised if one hoe comes and scatters your marriage then you will have money but be a divorce or single mom. Which do you prefer. If i were in your shoes, i will start applying for lecturing jobs within Lagos then find a way to do your lab work in Lagos so that you will be near home. You can start a business in Lagos which will help you raise funds for your research. Your husband may be moody because cash is tight for him and not that he doesn't want you to progress. With his financial situation, he will definitely like it if you get a source of income so the burden on him will reduce. But dont leave to a far place on top job matter or else...

trish said...

Baby gurl, opportunity comes but once in life..i have relatives that quit their job cos of marraige but are now miserable..Evn d one dat managed 2 open smal business after quittin her job dey regret right now..for d others,their story dey pathetic,if husband no bring dem no go chop..people are tellin u 2 get a job in lagos,where can u get a mouth watering job like lecturin..dem think say ur papa na fool 2 help u find job?sorry 2 say anythin happens 2 ur husbands job or Evn husband sef,wetn una go chop?the best thing that can happen 2 a wife is being empowered careerwise..just pray about it.you can shuttle from where u are 2 lagos(flight)or otherwise..talk prayerfully 2 your husband..with God your marraige wil stand..biko face d work or give d opportunity to bvs on dis blog inugo!

Anonymous said...

Show me where to click a million like,@chikito...,dear poster,your husband is not ambitious, play the emotional card,strike a deal with him,pray, use all the woman antics cards u have on him,ensure you achieve your dream, if you don't,it kills you faster than if you do.Be selfish ,life is about you alone, you will be shocked when the table turns.love your family but the only weapon to conquer is what your dad offers you. Ultimately, the choice is yours.

trish said...

I LOVE U CHIKITO..POSTER DIS IS IT OO.

trish said...

SO TRUE

La' Sunshine said...

Chikito baby I love you. You just mirrored my thought. Poster take this advice

trish said...

I AGREE WITH U ANON17:24

trish said...

GOD BLESS U ANON17:40

trish said...

ANON17:34.THE MAN WIL LEAVE HER SEF!ONE BOTTLE OF ODEKWU 4 THAT COMMENT!

Anonymous said...

Wetin be the degree wey your husband get sef? Which kain yeh yeh fear E de show? I beg go 4 the job joor,una go settle later when E eyes πŸ‘€ don clear and ego don come down...

sholetoga said...

Poster......This is a really dicey situation. I will suggest you sit down with your husband and trash this issue out. You and him should conclude who will be visiting when you go for the job.
See as a married woman you can't just make any decision on your own without considering how your husband will cope unless maybe you are fed up with the marriage.
It's good that you have a job with the present state of the economy but please sit him down and let him see reasons why you need to take this job.....reassure him that you need to do this for your young family

Anonymous said...

Chikito...you sure you aren't married, you are filled with wisdom here o. I am married, running a PhD in southwest and hubby lives in the core north.
Cry and beg this man that you would NEVER be happy not finishing what you started. You have not gotten the job yet so why agonizing over your marriage?
my advice right now is to borrow money and finish your project..talk to your supervisor about your financial constraint, he may be able to help you secure a grant. Conclude the PhD, believe me, it's going to be harder to complete the PhD when you are a staff, than when you aren't.
The truth about being a woman is family kinda ALWAYS comes first. you can ALWAYS pursue your career after the kids have grown. Lots of job opportunities will come once you have your certificate. Conclude the PhD. Look for the job where your husband is. You can start a creche to raise money, with patience it will grow.you could also be a lesson teacher for A levels where you school and live

Life Of RadioHead Steelheart said...

I dislike the way your husband is treating you..Sounds like a defeatist already..Its too late sha but I regret you even marrying that man..I dunno why when it comes to sacrifice, women are looked upon to bear it..So he will be happy when you are begging him for money for always pad..For him to even say he is not sure of being faithful to you shows how shallow mind and selfish he is..I pray I dont meet such man..Very myopic way of thinking..mtshewww..thats if he is not even cheating sef..

Anonymous said...

Chukwu gozie nne leave all those pretends here trying to be a good person here on sdk rather than giving her a good advice, madam apply for the job when you get it or before you get it make your husband dance to your tune not by force cos the more you beg him his shakara will increase believe me if you don't fulfill your dreams you will so regret in future

Cee4our said...

I like you very much Chikito. I think you're a wise young woman with a good head on your shoulders. Poster I wish you had persevered and finished your PhD before marriage since you knew you would have to relocate to join your husband.
That would have given you more options job-wise, at this point in time.
In my experience, once an academic program is abandoned it's much harder to go back to it. To complicate matters you now have a family to take care of, and in my opinion, that trumps everything. I shelved my career for close to 15 years and it was really hard getting back into the swing of things, but thankfully I'm inching forward bit by bit. Young ladies make the most of your opportunities before marriage and motherhood come calling!

I'm not a fan of long distance relationships. It works for some quite alright but I would never be an advocate for it.

In my opinion your options are:
1. Have a discussion with your husband to see if he would be willing to relocate with you so you can continue in your dream career. Who knows the opportunities that could come his way.
2. See if you can transfer your PhD program to your current location. Don't know if that's done in naija.
3. If the above are impossible, try and work out a suitable arrangement with your husband so that you can co back and complete your program with as little disruption as possible to your family dynamics. It'll take a lot of sacrifices on both sides, plenty of traveling and visiting, just to make sure the home front doesn't suffer too much.
4. The least palatable option; if worse comes to worst, you may have to abandon your PhD. I hope it doesn't come to that.
I wish you all the best 😘

Hannah said...

Anon 17:32 - thank you so much. You said my mind

Beth said...

Why do most men find it hard to sacrifice?

Do you think if your husband finds a job in Abuja or even outside the country that pays him his dream package, he will be singing this same tune?

Does living apart equate broken home? I thought broken homes are when the spouses have separated/ divorced?
Does living together prevent separation/ divorce? I have seen long distance relationship that are way way stronger than couples who stay together. It is all about agreement, purpose and the dream you both have for your home

See, let me be truthful to you and I have been married for 12 years now and can speak confidently. Let that opportunity pass you by and you will regret it. Marriage is about sacrifice and it is only women that are meant to sacrifice.
Talk to your husband..don't quarrel about it. Point out to him how unsupportive his refusal seems, how it is for the good of the family and all but bear in mind that he still might not get it.

Pray for wisdom and you will know how to present this to him in such a way that he will even think it is his idea for you to go.

Anonymous said...

I hate it when some selfish married women we blame single girls/ladies when they husband cheat on them did we force them to leave their beautiful wife at home to look for us while am writing this is, i have this friend that is married and being dating this girl for years and she believed that she has found the one not known that her boo is married with kids now married women that blame single girls for their husband's mistakes and also forget that they are once single ladies too and sleeps with married man and come here to be holy mother of grace Saint valentine before we brand or cuss people out we need to check where our problem is coming from and please whenever you find out that your husband is cheating on you investigate it first if the knows that the man is married and still sleep with you have the 100%right to do whatever you want but if she doesn't know you give her some advice and let her go rather than coming here to keep blaming single ladies for destroying your homes while am saying all this that i found that a guy that said he loved his mother or me that i will be the mother of his children that we will grow old together is married already with 5kids so what if tomorrow his wife saw us somewhere and break my head and the story get here the whole married women association with blame me without knowing the truth abi,if your husband cheat is not the single woman's fault all time but your husband and please don't make say that he is a man or you should have know as if am a pastor or maircle worker. Stella you rock and you are one strong woman to read some comments and still keep cool πŸ‘

Fan Emmanuel said...

Anonymous 17:24 are you for real? Someone that prays for a family instead of a good paying job is now foolish to you abi? You are the most foolish person on earth! Stop deceiving your self and face the truth.
Push up is 100% right, it is not good for a man to be alone. Even a woman sef! Poster you are the selfish one here, if you truly love your husband, you wouldn't be asking this question. Look for another job in Lagos, no matter how small the salary may be. Family is everything, before one aunty gwemz will come and destroy what you have built.by then your eyes will clear! Asikwana nam agwaro gi

Fan Emmanuel said...

Don't mind her. I'm surprised her father is even the one bringing temptation into her home. Poster you better reject the devil

Fan Emmanuel said...

Exactly my dear, that's the full definition of greed and selfishness. + stupidity

Anonymous said...

The father that wants to get her a job outside Lagos is only complicating her life.

Anonymous said...

This your comment makes no sense

Push up said...

Dear anon that has no identity, you can't be so sure about someone you don't know, I pray for myself more than I have prayed for anyone but I know when I have a good man and how a good man should be treated it's not my fault you spent all your years chasing what I don't know and you are now lonely.

Fan Emmanuel said...

Onye nkea na ako ka onye egbuwara isi where cometh thou? Ebee ka isi bia?? Continue following a married man with 5kids okpo. Hopefully his wife is a crazy woman then ogwo gi ka ji nmanu iti. You people always look for silly excuses to justify your evil nature. Ndi alulu ala

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire a.k.a 'Anike' πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ said...

Naah! I'm still single oh. #truth πŸ‘

trish said...

BIA ANON-19:57 NA ONLY U WAKA COME 0!

trish said...

LOUD IT!

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire a.k.a 'Anike' πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ said...

Let me just add by saying:
IF A MAN WANTS TO CHEAT HE WILL CHEAT. IF YOU LIKE CARRY HIM INSIDE YOUR WALLET HE WILL CHEAT. I know a man who left his gf of 10 years for a girl he met in her boutique, her very junior customer she used to dash clothes. She and the guy were running the business together so she can stay close to him and monitor him. Left her birth country came here to live with man so they won’t ‘snatch’ him from her. He still dumped her and wedded her customer. Infact they were in the shop when he eyed customer and went out to collect customer's number.
I don't know why we have this mentality that men need to be caged. Abeg no man needs to be caged. A good man is a good man and a bad man will wreck your marriage even under your own nose.
But what do i know.... shebi I'm still single? Lol

Alloy Chikezie said...

Madam!
Please go for gold, go for the job.

Your comment will be visible after approval

Anonymous said...

Fan Emmanuel, even with the kind of chronicles we've treated here; you don't think it's wise to pray for a good paying job first before paying for a family? How exactly does one hold up a family without finances? Especially with the way men have been victimizing women because they know they have nothing to fall back on financially? You prefer for her to be completely dependent on the husband that isn't exactly a sure person with the sound of things.

Push up, well done with your slave mentality. I raise BeyoncΓ© hands for you sha.

Poster, that hubby of yours sounds very selfish... and in a sneaky, cunning way too. First, he tried to tie you down with marriage promise and promise of financial assistance. You sensibly went ahead with your course without waiting indefinitely for him. When you got married, instead of being a supportive husband and allow you finish your course at least before moving; he preferred for you to pause the course and also halt your job. Now that another opportunity is here, he's trying to play mind games with you. Can't he sacrifice something too since you've been the one sacrificing everything since your marriage started? Financial support to do something that'll build you up = 0, moral support to back you up = 0. If you ask me, it sounds like your hubby is more interested in putting you in a position where you will be relying on him for scraps and you'll have 0 power or say. Sorry I sound this way without even knowing the guy but I know guys like this and this is exactly how they start. Don't let everything be about you sacrificing, it should be a two way street.

If your new job pays more than what he's earning, can't he move with you instead and try to get another job? It is very dangerous to be jobless/financially insecure in any marriage these days o. He's using style to tell you that he can't be alone if you move.... meaning he'll possibly cheat. What makes you think he still won't cheat if you give up this chance of a lifetime when you're completely dependent on him and stuck there? Please shine your eyes and cover all basis before making your decision. ........ Just Saying

Anonymous said...

Her father is the temptation Cos he knows (from experience) that nothing can tie a man down unless he ties himself. A worse story would be her giving up this chance and eventually begging here for assistance. Poster, life na like jangelova. Na balance. Don't ever tip the scale. On either side.

Hannah said...

What is wrong With this one? Are your sins finding you out? Why r u shouting?

Hannah said...

Gbam!!! So.much wisdom here! That same man will leave you for a job for months..biko, leave men and their selfishness! He probably enjoys that you're financially incapacitated, relying on him for everything so he can be lord of the manor

Anonymous said...

Poster plz dont take advise from all this children on this blog.how can a normal person put money in front of family? Plz ans thus queation poster: when u no have the so called job of ur dream, what will you use the money for if not for family? He supported you at first, because at that time he tot it was right,but now reality has set in. Job of ur dream my ass,did you dream of marring a man that is not rich? U woukd have waited till you meet a woman rappa dat will be following you up n dan. Look small girl if wishes wer horse's beggers would have ride on them.

Anonymous said...

Its not about selfishness. He has said what he has said. If your family will suffer and it's not temporary why will you go and take that's risk? It's not as if you plan to work for a year.make mad money and return you are doing it to survive. For how.long will u live apart. Better look for business ti start. When you maje money go back to work or PhD.

Anonymous said...

Thank you. What kind if father is that self.

Anonymous said...

She can do her PhD in peace. But why must she relocate indefinitely to work ? This job dies not even have expiry date.

Anonymous said...

1 year masters is not the same thing as relocating to work
She did not say she is coming back after so and so time. She just wants to up and go.

Paige 3 said...

i will be back. let me come and be going is getting late..cause i wanna get high after reading this

Anonymous said...

Laeffizy you are smart biko......Poster πŸ‘†πŸ‘†πŸ‘†read n understand. Socio-economic situation of naija is terrible, you need grab any opportunity you see.

Linda peters said...

Just like others have said, your hubby is truly a selfish person, he can only provide your daily needs and now that you have d opportunity to get a good job so u can assist d family he wants to deprive you. Come on, there are people that husbands travels out for greener pasture yet their family is still intact, it all depends on how u both can discipline yourselves. My dear I will not advice u to disobey your hubby but I want to tell u here and now that your hubby is the type that can't stand a career wife, he is scared u will b better off than him. If he loves u so much he should help u grow in your career or better still look for a good job for u close to home. (All these men with inferiority complex I can't stand them biko ).

Linda peters said...

Please, when has staying together prevented divorce? Let's be truthfully to ourselves,it depends on the individuals, it takes two to tangle. if only they have d fear of God in them and discipline themselves they will b fine. There is dis good friend of mine that the wife lectures in his home state far south south while he works in Abuja and they are good, if its giving him so much headache he would have told me but they doing just fine and by the grace of God they have been married for years without complaining of distance she visits whenever they are on hols and he also visits her if he misses her too much so what's d big deal! That man is just suffering from insecurity.

Amacastel said...

Queen who told you that children raised by single parents are always like Evans Pls stop that misconception,
Poster go get ur job, Help ur husband get job around let him relocate with you since his job is not solid to take care of the family needs, such opportunities don't come easily besides for success to be achieved sacrifices are made make ur husband understand that this is one of the sacrifice of success & big things to come in ur home, remember men are unpredictable don't put ur life on hold for a man that won't take proper care of you, a man that will cheat will always cheat even if you give him sex 3times dly.

Amacastel said...

God bless you & increase ur wisdom

Amacastel said...

My der all these men that have side πŸ” while married & got them pregnant are they all living apart from their wives, in long run a man that will cheat will always cheat even if you give him sex 3times dly

Amacastel said...

As in Ehe, don't put ur life on hold for a man even if he is ur husband cos pple that did greater percentage of them regret it oooo. You are lucky to have a dad that help you get a job, your man should be grateful & happy for you, it's called sacrifice for family success.

Amacastel said...

Then you don't have any problems, her case she needs this fund to support her life & family the husband should understand biko.

Anonymous said...

Keep away selfish interest in marriage if you want to be happy in yr marriage. Staying apart is temporary divorce so think.


Mao Akuh

Anonymous said...

He will still cheat on you whether you live together or not. My experience! Better take the job sharp sharp before you lose it.

Anonymous said...

It doesn't seem as if your husband doesn't want you to work, he just doesn't want you away. If you can get s job in Lagos and he refuses then that's different.
You are the only one to decide what's important.

AppleofGodseyeoriginal said...

My dear poster,if you like put your life on hold to please your husband, if he wants to cheat or dump you he will without blinking an eye,there is what is called securing the future, please secure your future and that of your children unborn! Fine your hubby is the head,but sometimes things change, God forbid something happens to his source of finance, how will you guys cope?there are ways to get things from your man without sounding rude,pet him, talk to him when he is in a good mood n make him know its not about you two alone but about your children, their future, n u want to support him,tell him how great a person he is n has been,except you are going for the job n PhD to spite him,or have u been bruising his ego before now?stop it,now is the time to respect him the more,even when you eventually get the job let your husband still be in charge,make sure you try as much as possible to be with him.poster you alone knows what's at stake!follow your heart but take your head along with you. All the best.

AppleofGodseyeoriginal said...

My dear poster,if you like put your life on hold to please your husband, if he wants to cheat or dump you he will without blinking an eye,there is what is called securing the future, please secure your future and that of your children unborn! Fine your hubby is the head,but sometimes things change, God forbid something happens to his source of finance, how will you guys cope?there are ways to get things from your man without sounding rude,pet him, talk to him when he is in a good mood n make him know its not about you two alone but about your children, their future, n u want to support him,tell him how great a person he is n has been,except you are going for the job n PhD to spite him,or have u been bruising his ego before now?stop it,now is the time to respect him the more,even when you eventually get the job let your husband still be in charge,make sure you try as much as possible to be with him.poster you alone knows what's at stake!follow your heart but take your head along with you. All the best.

Anonymous said...

I saw a movie called HIDDEN FIGURES
These women worked their arse off and their partners stood my them

I don't understand what's wrong with Men of these days

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Advertisement