What Soni and I have has taken all of 34 years to build.. So don't for one minute think it happened overnight . We have walked on that street called hope but having each other makes it bearable. A successful marriage doesn't happen over night it requires sacrifice &it takes effort & nurturing.You want a good marriage? Work at it! Young couples seem to just want everything NOW NOW because they have to prove a point and impress their audience and in the process put a lot of pressure on their marriage. A gd Marriage takes 2 , it thrives on love in action not in mere words. Marriage requires commitment, empathy , TRUST( leave each other's phones ALONE) don't marry anyone you cannot trust! Don't overburden each other with over expectations and believe me the grass is not greener on the other side; avoid comparing your marriage/partner to others that seem rosier; water your own garden! In life everything is turn by turn. Ojukokoro is a vice that destroys relationships! If you both can't afford it then you don't need it. Let you marriage grow organically. Do everything in love..don't overburden each other with unrealistic demands.
Marriage won't necessarily fix a bad relationship especially if your partner has habits that he/she won't let go. Fix those issues before you say I DO! If he or she is violent and slaps you around now, marriage won't fix that, if he is insecure because you are a boss woman, that insecurity may linger and lead to resentment with time. Be careful who you marry..don't set yourself up because "all your friends are getting married.. That's a trap! Don't over try to change your partner into who they are not; marriage isn't about changing your partners essence rather it is about finding the good in each other. Celebrate each bite size milestone. a successful marriage starts from the foundation .. If the foundation is not built on CHRIST how can it withstand the storms ?
To my young daughters and sons out there I say , dont despise the days of humble beginnings &don't allow anyone or society force u into a marriage you're not ready for. If u marry In haste u will repent at leisure.. As for me, I believe marriage rocks ..but get ready to work it
People don't marry for love anymore. They are too selfish and too greedy for money and fame that's why they are in a hurry and won't nurture. They want the best of everything for nothing. They now resort to jazz (knocking head with pigeon) to have their selfish ways.
ReplyDeleteWell written piece.You go Betty!
ReplyDelete👌
ReplyDeleteWell said, beautiful woman.
All these people in old marriages should stop comparing theirs to modern marriages. A lot of good things have changed to worse since their time. Modern marriages have many odds against them; social media, bad economy, feminism, women bringing bread to the table and all sorts. Again, you tolerated cheating and domestic violence in your days doesn't mean today's men and woman should do so. So they should just shush it with their advice. I'm not just responding to the above post but to all these awon old people with 40 years of marriage dishing out advise left and right on social media. My parents have been married for over 40 years and are still together. What my mum endured in her marriage, today's women including me will not, not because we don't have patience but we refused to be unhappy for the rest of our lives. We have refused to raise our kids in an un-enabling environment.
ReplyDeleteMy dad used to shout at everyone, including my mum, kept malice for days and years and this had a negative impact on almost all of us. Look at me, i get angry easily, I shout at any slightest love thing, mostly because of the kind of environment I was raised. I thank God for my husband who tolerates me. My prayer is for God to help me drop this angry attitude, as I continue to make life my own conscious effort to be better.
Please ensure any typo or grammatical error, no time to proofread. Have a nice day you all.
In your mind,you just made sense. What do you mean by modern marriages? There are principles in everything you want to achieve in life. You do well to follow the principles as she listed above and enjoy bliss in your marriage.
DeleteAnonymous 9:14, why drink panadol untop someone's headache?
DeleteEveryone is entitled to their opinion and I understand Anonymous 8:54 because she's been through it.
I was raised by a single mom so I understand or see marriage from a different angle.
I used to be bitter when it comes to men or marriage but JEHOVAH blessed me with a man after Gods heart.
Anon 8:54 has said d truth cos I experienced exactly such while growing up even till now, my father keeps malice with my mum all bcos she sent us to d university single handedly when my dad was it of job. My mum started feeding us and that was wen my dad decided he won't even look for job, sat down and started enjoying my mother's sweat without thank you. My mum not TV, cushion chair, stabilizer, center table, in fact all tins at home and my father is Lord over everything till now. My mum can't watch TV in peace. I will never accept such in my marriage and my mindset changed drastically bcos I don't take nonsense from my husband but am a little calm now cos av observerd he isn't like my father, he's an introvert. My parents marriage is going to 40yrs Now and dey are living like cat and dog. My father is an elder in d church o but he doesn't love my mum cos she has money and he wants her to b spending on him for life but my mums eye don open, after yrs of enduring, na him she say enough is enough. Ordinary #100 for palm oil, my dad will say he no get. What I have now come to realize in life which I also tell my husband is dat a man dat tells his wife he has no money or doesn't take care of d children will never have, dat man will continue to be a pauper.My dad now wants to turn d children against our mum cos he knew we wld take care of her when working and ignore him cos of his uncaring attitude but my siblings that are working never did such, dey r taking care of dem together just bcos of Wat d Bible says. Someone shld Now tell me with all d tins listed above, can any lady in this generation endure such?????? Think deeply.
DeleteAnon 8:54 has said d truth cos I experienced exactly such while growing up even till now, my father keeps malice with my mum all bcos she sent us to d university single handedly when my dad was out of job. My mum started feeding us and that was wen my dad decided he won't even look for job, sat down and started enjoying my mother's sweat without thank you. My mum not TV, cushion chair, stabilizer, center table, in fact all tins at home and my father is Lord over everything till now. My mum can't watch TV in peace. I will never accept such in my marriage and my mindset changed drastically bcos I don't take nonsense from my husband but am a little calm now cos av observerd he isn't like my father, he's an introvert. My parents marriage is going to 40yrs Now and dey are living like cat and dog. My father is an elder in d church o but he doesn't love my mum cos she has money and he wants her to b spending on him for life but my mums eye don open, after yrs of enduring, na him she say enough is enough. Ordinary #100 for palm oil, my dad will say he no get. What I have now come to realize in life which I also tell my husband is dat a man dat tells his wife he has no money or doesn't take care of d children will never have, dat man will continue to be a pauper.My dad now wants to turn d children against our mum cos he knew we wld take care of her when working and ignore him cos of his uncaring attitude but my siblings that are working never did such, dey r taking care of dem together just bcos of Wat d Bible says. Someone shld Now tell me with all d tins listed above, can any lady in this generation endure such?????? Think deeply.
DeleteAnon 9:14 stop it! She has an opinion based on a real life situation. "In the abroad" she will need counselling, but pple like u will spit rubbish. That's why our young men have grown up to be animals in disguise! Because pple like you believe in nonsense!
DeleteAnonymous 8:54 you're sensible. The truth is what older wives endured in their marriage many of today's women can't. That's why people hardly divorced. It wasn't because they loved each other. Look at the West esp America, it has a high rate of divorce because women there have been empowered especially through the act of the husband paying support for the children after divorce. Wetin remain again. It hasn't always been like that there esp till the 80s or 70s (don't know when this started), but before then a lot of their women remained in their marriages as lots were housewives with no jobs and couldn't leave cos no money and of course no court will back a woman without money to take the kids.
DeleteLet men and women just know that if you want to get married, you have to drop heartbreaking habits/doings that either won't accept cos no one is a doormat.
Ada.
Anon 8:54 God bless you. My parents have been married for almost 60 years and they are like cat and dog. Emotional abuse is my father's strong point. My mum is now tired of taking it and it has taken a toll on her health. Friends look at my parents marriage and envy me not knowing that we the children wish our mum had a better deal. Because couple stay together doesn't mean they are happy.
DeleteAll these people in old marriages should stop comparing theirs to modern marriages. A lot of good things have changed to worse since their time. Modern marriages have many odds against them; social media, bad economy, feminism, women bringing bread to the table and all sorts. Again, you tolerated cheating and domestic violence in your days doesn't mean today's men and woman should do so. So they should just shush it with their advice. I'm not just responding to the above post but to all these awon old people with 40 years of marriage dishing out advise left and right on social media. My parents have been married for over 40 years and are still together. What my mum endured in her marriage, today's women including me will not, not because we don't have patience but we refused to be unhappy for the rest of our lives. We have refused to raise our kids in an un-enabling environment.
ReplyDeleteMy dad used to shout at everyone, including my mum, kept malice for days and years and this had a negative impact on almost all of us. Look at me, i get angry easily, I shout at any slightest love thing, mostly because of the kind of environment I was raised. I thank God for my husband who tolerates me. My prayer is for God to help me drop this angry attitude, as I continue to make life my own conscious effort to be better.
Please ensure any typo or grammatical error, no time to proofread. Have a nice day you all.
Thanking God on their behalf
ReplyDeleteIrrespective of the years in marriage some principles remain valid to the success of that marriage. She has enumerated some and it's up to individuals to decide to be happy/enjoy their marriage. Anonymous 8.55 work on yourself and stop making your husband endure his marriage. Your father has no right ruining your happiness but it seems you are allowing him by giving room to anger. Let go of the anger by forgiving him. All the best
ReplyDeleteMadam she is ready to. She was traumatized as a child. This needs therapy. But since we are in Nigeria. ..... its get over it ! Hiss
DeleteHmm so true,, yeah i know olden days marriage is very different from the modern day but trust me women for marriages to work now, we will have to imbibe some of the strategies our mothers used. We need to understand that our husband's were raised in those homes so definitely they have some expectations, lets even forget naija men even other races when you speak to their women it one and the same thing, if the man does not hit, you can make it work.
ReplyDeleteMy Marriage is not perfect but i have been able to wrap my husband around my arms because of my humility, he was initially mean and all but i just look at him and apologize when necessary, never say abusive words. I make sure i give the 'bombest' sex and i cook the best meals, i promise you guys i have had a very above average marriage and i am very happy. I give glory to God.
If you can try the above, you will have an OK marriage in the least, my mum slapped all these into my head and that my own jazz. God bless us all
But having strong head and expecting things we read in books/ watch in the movies in our marriages wont happen, its all friction and doesn't even happen in the western world. If we become realistic things will be a lot better for us.
xxx