Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Iya Ibeji's Series -Cooking At Boo's House

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Saturday, 28 October 2017

Iya Ibeji's Series -Cooking At Boo's House

Iya Ibeji's Saturday Banter is here again and I laughed out loud!




If you have been reading my stories you will know that I come from a large family. And my mumsie is one of a kind....a bargainer. She is so good at it that most times popsie gets embarrassed and he will be like don't you pity these sellers sef, you don price, price off their profit.

So one time I had this guy, how guy became boyfriend sef I no remember. One Saturday I was on my way to his house when I got a call from him. 

BOYFRIEND : baby you get enough plenty for hand
(my antenna shoot up, he wan beg me money?) 

ME: yes why?

BOYFRIEND : please help me branch that market close to my house and buy stuff for soup and stew. I will give you back your money.

I will give you back your money was what I wanted to hear. So I entered
Market and as my mama pickin I begin price tomatoes. I price one for let's say it was 200 naira, I asked if they will sell 3 for 500 naira and the seller agreed so I bought 6 for 1k.

Got to boos house and he asked me how much I spent I told him he raised an eyebrow before giving me the money. The Niger delta blood in me wanted to provoke, you think say if I wan job you na from soup money? I just collected my money and started work in the kitchen.

After blending the tomatoes I realized he didn't have pots big enough to contain them. 

You see ehn because I'm from a large family I'm not use to cooking in small portions, this one I thought was small was still very much for a bachelor.

Let me not even talk about what I went through in that kitchen I ended up cooking the stew with two pots.
When boo came into the kitchen I asked him for containers to store the food in the fridge, guy was like this food will take him for 2 months he said no wonder I charged him so much. 

Anyways when it was time to eat the stew no get head at all. It wasn't tasty I looked at boo for his reaction and the guy tried to encourage me.
He nodded and said nice. 

In my mind I said wetin you for talk before? And then I turn to my village people and say una think say una wan embarrass me? boo here is not my potential husband I just they use am hold side for the now. So if una think say una wan embarrass me una fail .

So my first time of cooking for a boyfriend was a total disaster, please share your own experience.
I now have some very faithful "commentators" thanks guys.



*Iya I am not a cooking person per se and cant really remember if i cooked for any man *thinking*

93 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hilarious. Love your stories

Sharon Aminu said...

I hate cooking for guys cause I will still add my money to buy more ingredients just to impress...ladies dey try ooo
Chai...I remembered school daysπŸ˜€πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Sultry Onyx said...

what is wrong with my sense of humour? e be like say e don miss.
yawns

Beloved said...

I see you πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Happyheart said...

Hahahaha..I met a guy here on snm and when I visited for the first time his mum and bro were there. I boiled rice and the rice was undercooked the mum tasted it and the look on her face was more than 10 lashes..in the evening guy still made me make semi. First time making semi in my life. I made and dumped in the bin..I did it thrice before guy angrily collected paddle and made his semi jeje without a word to me. I wanted to prepare stew at least I got that right and guy was livid saying he only eats one at a dindin or whatever its called. WO I hear win that day. The silent treatment almost killed me. I left embarrassed.
Anyway I have never made semo in my life not to talk of one ata dindin stew abi na rice wey nervousness make me undercook.
But guy is bad.. Why invite mum the very first day I am visiting. Its well o. Why didn't he ask for okro, ogbono or vegetable. Why semi for crisstsakes! My village people follow me.
Glad of that episode sha. I went to learn semo plus amala sef. I am now an expert in at a dindin stew but unfortunately my husband to be..(getting married in DEC) likes egusi and ogbono..
Chai person don suffer for snm ooo lol..Glad it didn't work out with that guy, that visa was an eye opener...I for no fit marry pikin wey Im mama na im twin and best friend..no disrespect but its very "one kin"
Its well o

Chidinma Grace said...

I love cooking in a nice kitchen of course. So I haven't have this kind of experience. If you tell me to cook for a large crowd, I always invite my sister because that one always make cooking look so easy. But she won't clean that's the only part you will do alone.

Stella Onyinye said...

Hahaha I remember the first day I cooked for my boyfriend, It was a disaster

akudo ukazu said...

Lol such a funny experience. Mine the first time I cooked for one guy like that, that was asking me out. He was sick nd asked me to help him out he said he wanted jollof rice nd beans then with soup bitter leaf. Hmm no be small thing ooo he gave me money to buy the food stuffs for him. Long story cut short after I finished coking the soup it was very tasty ooo nd then the rice and beans jollof was a disaster seriously my dear I just carry the rice and beans pour for dust bin. I had to rush out to buy another ingredient to prepare a fresh beans and rice jollof for him. Relationship sef didn't work cos my Ex came back for us to reconcile. Lol

BIPOLAR ME said...

Lol...

I don't cook stew/soups for first time cooking for a guy.

Usually, I do Fried rice and Chicken, that is one food I can do in my sleep. Anytime, anywhere!!!

Sassy Meruche said...

Lol,we've all had our days off cooking fuck ups at least boo's place.Mine sef was at his folk's.Chai,no wonder I'm still single.😁😁😁😁

St.FranKooL.... said...

#Knowing the difference between who to cut off, and who to be patient with is everything*

Anonymous said...

May be u didn't meet correct guys, I give excess..

Anonymous said...

And what happens in "z ozer room" after the cooking?
Are you his wife?

Anwuli Uzu said...

Lol

Anonymous said...

You fall my hand, ordinary semo u can't make, what have u been doing all your life? But you can ride a dick non stop without being nervous. Thank God he didn't marry you..

The Iya beji 1 said...

I'm sure your semi means semo. The guy do you strong thing.
Lol at his mum being his twin and best friend

Anonymous said...

Hope you are his wife now? I mean your ex, if not, your ex is ur spiritual husband...

The Iya beji 1 said...

I like your sense of humor

Anonymous said...

U just reminded me of the first day I cooked for my ex. I was quite young then. I had never cooked neither had he ever requested me to,we always ate out. On this day after he had gone to work,I got to his place ( university was on strike and I was bored). I decided to surprise him for the first time. Entered his kitchen and saw beans and ripe plaintain. Unknown to me that this was old beans,u know those very tiny beans that to make it worse had been in that house for ages. Omo,I cooked beans for hours beans no gree soft.After so long a time I decided to add the plantain and later all other ingredients. I finished cooking a upon tasting the food I just sat down and cried. Not too long after that my guy came back from work. Prior to this I had told him not to buy takeout that I will cook for him for the first time. Guy instead of you to come back your house alone you decided to bring your friends along.
After every every he told me to serve. Come see food. Oil had shifted to one side( it was that day I knew palm oil has grade),the plaintain stood very lonely in the middle and the beans surrounding it was still very strong. I just stood there and cried. This was in 2009 and I was 19 then. None of them could eat the food but to make me feel better they were just telling me it happens. Since that day,I became the best cook ever. I broke up with the guy months later. Na small pickin bin worry me then.

Anonymous said...

I am a man and I cook very well, even more than my wife.. if we have VIP visitors, she will beg me to cook before they come.. she has admitted that I am her Oga in the kitchen, Oga in z oza room, Oga in finance except in brilliance, she too sabi book

DEAR DIMPLES said...

Laffs!! Kudos iya beji

Anonymous said...

I remember during university days, my boyfriend came visiting for the first time and i decided to make moimoi because it was a saturday. My God, all my life my mum had always made it but it looked so easy. I went for moimoi elemi meje( with 7 lives). I blended the beans in my blender just once without feeling the smoothness. i just felt since the beans was now in liquid form it was good to go.
The moimoi took hours to get done yet it wasnt properly done. It tasted horrible and lifeless. It was watery and without form. I couldn't eat it oh but the guy chop am with garri. Hungry guy.

Justyswt said...

Hahahahaha, ithe first time I Cooked for hubby, he so enjoyed it. So mine was not a disaster.

Anonymous said...

Me before I cook for any guy I go first go on my knees and pray to God make the food sweet,make the food no purge am,and make the food no dey salty.the first time I cooked for a guy on our way to drop me he just chook hand give me plenty money say I sabi cook well a but as not to appear greedy I just tell am say no need.I was glad to do it but as soon as I enter my house I begin wish I collect the money

Anonymous said...

I cook well and am alws ready to cook for my boyfs cause I know the love will sha increase ni ,tho cooked for like 2 sha,as they talk the way to a man’s heart is through is tummy ...lol, but I hate when cooking and the dude would be telling me the method ( forming a pro) to use or see me putting ingredients and be telling me it’s too much , it’s pissing

Anonymous said...

I have not had such experiences o. See the way I was begging my last Ex to cook for him eh, the idiot would not allow me, not knowing that I was just a side chick. And I loved him. I still can't believe I was so in love with that very ugly bastard. He lied!

Chike TEFLON said...

Lol.

He would have teach you how to do it. He is not caring.

Anonymous said...

Abeg teach me how to cook fried rice na. No matter how I try I don't ever get it right

Chike TEFLON said...

Lol

Ife isiri ka Ana akpo agwa. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Anonymous said...

Back in the days, I spent Easter in my boyfriends house. It was family house. A big compound with each son in his flat. So he asked that I make Fried Rice. All I knew were vegies I use to see in it. I ended up cooking rubbish with dry pepper,fresh titus fish, hotdogs,and vegies with lots of curry to change the colour of the rice. The fried rice came out looking light orange and tasteless. The guy ate it oh. Latter in the evening, his brother's wife brought one correct Fried Rice with shredded chicken....chai...i almost finished it.

Chike TEFLON said...

Hunger will make everything taste good.. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Chike TEFLON said...

Onye oma CY πŸ˜‚

Chike TEFLON said...

Boyfriends?


Are you married now?

Onye olu ibem.com
Nne iluga large πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™Œ

Anonymous said...

Well I never had any challenge as per if the food will be tasty or not because the 5years I spent at home seeking admission I was the cook, gardener, wash woman just name it and I bless God today because my hubby can't just eat out without coming back to tell me the food is not as tasty as mine.but the problem i had cooking for my bf in school then was using the round paddle infact it was my first time seeing it I was used to the flat one in Lagos, it was a struggle o plus the semo was for about 5people SMH this life self.

Anonymous said...

You don't have sense

akudo ukazu said...

Wife for where that my ex show me pepper ooo na real spiritual husband we dated for 11years, After introduction e go give girl belle for UK. But thank God i'm married to the most loving and caring husband oooo. No regrets at all. God gave me the best after so many years of disappointment from that my ex

The Iya beji 1 said...

Kai even as I dey read I just dey shame for you. Pele. I don experience that kind beans before if you like cook from now until next year e no dey done

The Iya beji 1 said...

Wow people reading through your comments I realized my experience na moi moi compare to some, thanks for sharing guys

Eka Joy said...

This made me remember when we were in Czech and I wanted to cook (I don't eat foreign food, not at all so we always have to cook so I'd eat).

They had nothing like pepper, their 'maggi' and spices, I didn't understand. Neither did he. None of us could read any of the inscriptions and since we couldn't speak the language, we sha had to buy anyhow.

Kai. The stew came out terrible. No Maggi, no pepper.

As we were eating, I looked at boo and he looked like he was enjoying it (na lie). That's the worst stew anyone could ever have prepared.

I was the one that started complaining and stopped eating (that's how inedible it was).

He was like 'just eat, it's not your fault'.

I now remembered we had pepper in his mum's luggage (that I brought for her).

Then 'maggi', I added more and then it became manageable edible.

Eka Joy said...

*manageably

Elegant said...

Lol, I had a good laugh. Iya ibeji na true u talk I have some in my cupboard now I have decided to use it for moi moi next weekend imagine cooking beans for more than an hour on a gas, end time beans.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm justyswt so u mean to tell us u no get boyfriend before u marry your husband, kwantinue.

Anonymous said...

Exactly Chike. No love lost there.

Anonymous said...

Thank God for you Akudo.

Anonymous said...

Yes it is. No time to waste time.

Rowland Dominic said...

Greetings Iya Ibeji.

Well my own first experience of cooking was so great...
I met this super duper fine ass girl, in fact she's the real definition of what you'd call a slay Queen, as in she will slay your heart, your pocket and even slay your cucumber. To tell you how much I suffer, I spin this girl for good 3 months before she finally said yes. So One sunny afternoon Bae said she's coming over and that I should cook and wait for her, that she feels like eating swallow. Me wey no sabi boil water talk less of cook food. Na so I summon courage, I went to Uselu market bought ingredients for Egusi soup and bought several orishirishi, got home went straight to work, but before then I loaded my phone with enough airtime and called Imaobong{imaobong isn't my gf, but a great cook I do pay sometimes to cook for me and errm, do other things(anything you like think na you sabi)}, to put me through, as well as the best Ifa in the world, Google. Lol Mehn! You guys should see me work some magic, now the hardest part was when to put the salt, Imaobong said that's for me decide. It was then I knew Imaobong had teamed up with my village people and I kept getting this voice in my head telling me to put two full spoon full, another saying make it four, two is small, but as God will have it I conquered them all and added very little and said it's better there's no salt than too much.
And when Bae came and I served her, she was amazed that someone like me could cook something that good. Thanks to that amazing food I got extra time in ze other room

Rhoda Rex said...

Lol. I just pictured everything.

Rhoda Rex said...

Lol. U talk true.

Rhoda Rex said...

Lol

Anonymous said...

Why is it that all the ladies that couldn't cook well for their 'ex', God now bless them with the best husband ever and they had no regrets

Anonymous said...

That beans happens to be the most sweetest beans if you cook it well. They are tiny and takes longer to cook but more sweeter than the other types of beans.
Guess you were too anxious to please your bobo that you did not give it some time to cook....

Rhoda Rex said...

Buhahahahaha

Anonymous said...

There is a saying that goes, if you are fully ready, you don't need to get prepared.
All these tales of not cooking well means that you all did not learn well from your mothers.
If you had learnt the skill of cooking, you won't be here dis gracing your fellow ladies.....

DON™ said...

The guy just wan disgrace you ni jo. Why called family meeting on your head for the first time.

DON™ said...

Thank God for your life.. I don laugh tire. πŸ˜‚

DON™ said...

Mehn.. That's the word.

Rowland Dominic said...

Sometimes what fascinates me about this foreign countries is their food,I remember when I tried rabo de toro, and gambas al ajillo, this are nice ones to try, for some it's yuck. And those are Spanish delicacies.

NaMe BeDis said...

I remember the first time I ever cooked and it was for one guy. He gave me money to prepare egusi soup, I bought everything and prepared egusi buried in a sea of red oil. Oga came back looked at the pot of soup started laughing tasted it and grimaced next thing he did was to package the entire soup for me to carry to my house.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Cynthia Iyede said...

You should have told him you can't make semo so he'll teach you if he could. Congrats in advance.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, I really do not know why village people are always at work, the first time I cooked in my guy's house, now hubby, the food was salty, as in very salty. We still joke about it now, the second time na pepper.
Then I took it to God I prayers s and my village people left me alone.
But on a serious note, it could be nervousness or trying to impress but other meals aside from that two was OK.

The First Lady said...

Hahahaha πŸ˜‚

Anonymous said...

First time I cooked for my husband, it was ofada rice with stew. Came out really nice but the first time I ever made moin moin for him after my plenty mouth, it was watery ehn.

Eka Joy said...

U don't have sense is all

Anonymous said...

Lol,same question I asked myself

baby gal said...

First time I cooked was in my bf(now hubby) family house... I got there and his mum was in the kitchen... Na so I say make I help too, the woman come kuku leave am for me... I made demo and egusi... The egusi was very sweet, in fact his mum and aunt commended me... I spoke in tongues while writing the semo cos teas my first time making it as I don't eat semo normally... It came out better than ever... I was so happy...

Anonymous said...

This reminds me of when I was in school...
My ex visited me in my room and I made moimoi that day so I gave him and he really liked it.

So the day I visited him, he asked me to help him make some..if you see as I happy anyhow...he gave me money and I hurriedly went to market...as a 'moi moi cooker'
Unknown to me, 'oga ade' had gisted his friends and neighbors about my moi moi...

Omo, see me see packaging of moimoi, bought different ingredients and all...body just dey catch me anyhow...

To cut long story short, unfortunately for me my village people didn't want me to shine so my 'precious' moi moi came out as a disaster...I cried..

And all his friends and neighbors don sit down dey wait for food...I couldn't do anything... Come see hailing as my ex don go over hype me...so all those guys were busy praising me while waiting...

Anyway I served them and I saw them giving my ex side eye...
The 'oga ade' just dey look me anyhow....
Very funny thing....

Love made me

Anonymous said...

Lmao...

Love made me

Anonymous said...

Anon 15:53...story....

Anonymous said...

Lol... Yeah, I made of ada stew for one boyfriend simply because he heard I was from Abeokuta. In fact, I can't explain the stew, he packed it for me and asked me to help me keep in my freezer, that was the last time I saw the stupid boy.

Anonymous said...

The first time I made efo riro for my husband, while we were still dating, he didn't complain oh. The next day he stopped by and said he was starving and needed something to eat. I offered to make eba since the vegetable soup still remained. He said...no oh.. He can't eat that grass again. He later drank the garri with water. That was after I packaged it well thinking I killed the soup since he ate it the first day. Mtcheeeewwww

Anonymous said...

πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘, you are are good all round.

Greatlady. said...

Well done Iya Beji.

Weed Chic said...

My kind of man

Anonymous said...

Make sure you carry her to ur horseband's house

Anonymous said...

Lmao! Villa peeps ooo!

Weed Chic said...

Their food sucks😝

Ify Lovie Lovie said...

HaaahaaahaaahaaaHaaahaaahaaahaaa!!
Iya, you never disappoint.

My fellow Bvs eeeeh, you people clowns, have been laughing out as I read comments.

Well, I've never cooked for any of my boyfriends, though I once fried plantain and eggs for my boyfriend now hubby.

Ify Lovie Lovie said...

The way and manner some people attack of BVS is really disturbing, biko allow Eka Joy to breathe, she didn't say an abnormal thing biko.
Haaai, ndi mmadu sef.

becky naka said...

How have you been? Anonymous?..lol. 😘😘😘.

Happyheart said...

Pardon my plenty typo. Yes I meant to write semo not semi.
@ Anon, in all my Years on earth ,I have had semo just once and it was at a friend's. Not everyone eats semo. I hate semo , wheat. Give me eba any day.
Your mind is twisted... Just like semo,I don't do dicks. Until marriage.
Iya ibeji I tire for the family meeting. Lol

Anonymous said...

When I do my things, I don't like interruption. So the first time I cooked for le boo, we were still students. We decided to make jollof rice, so I told him I don't know how to do joint cooking, so he should leave me alone since we have different methods. Na so rice come rise,stew no catch am, salt come too much (I put excess, the type you can't imagine cause I was extremely poor in gauging the right amount needed). It was that bad. Na so I rinse already cooked rice to see if the salt go reduce, the "jollofness' kukuma disappear, for where it was damn bad. I couldn't eat it, leboo couldn't. Na so e roommate come back, go take chop. Shame catch me cause e know say na me cook am. I could tell he forced himself, he just excused himself and left. That was the first and last time I go person house go cook. If e no be my house, rest.

Ify Lovie Lovie said...

HaaahaaahaaahaaaHaaahaaahaaahaaa!!!
Chaaaai! You eeeeh!

Anonymous said...

Oh dear! Why can't I just stop laughing.

akudo ukazu said...

Well never said I don't know how to cook. Just that sometimes ur just too confident that u feel nothing can go wrong in your cooking cos u know it all and sometimes na village people @ work. I cook very well y husband hardly eats out. He eats breakfast @ home and I package launch for him too almost everyday. So no body is above mistake.

Just Glamour said...

I guess I'm just lucky with dating guys that cook very well despite the fact that I'm a good cook,my ex before I married,will wait for me to visit,he will enter kitchen and prepare the kind of meal that will make you want to say if na only this your sweet food I will marry you,πŸ˜€then my hubby,while we were dating I got to know that all his male siblings can cook very well and their dad too,he was hosting some of his friends and wanted to make fried rice but didn't know how to do it and he sent for me,I quickly rushed to my neighbors room to ask her,how she makes her own fried rice,pretending I want to add her style to mine,na so I pick bike straight to his place,when I finish work with the fried rice,his friends were asking for take away,we got married he still says that fried rice I made while,we were dating still remains the best,upon say I have turned professor in making fried rice,anyway now he cooks for us weekends and we enjoy his meal even when he mixes sardine and egg or Exeter and fry together,I go dey vex dey chop.

Anonymous said...

Mine was beans,didnt know i will cook it alone till soft, i just added oil and salt beans came out like stone. My first bf choiii very good cook just that my village people wanted to work full time that day but God pass them my beans no get rival, he came threw it away and taught me how to mk it. My next bf that one can illutrate how and what a food is but na only garri he sabi turn. Married now but still cook for my ex bfs only its strictly business.

Halima Muhammed said...

I am a good cook right from my teenage yrs. I hv never had any bad experience regarding cooking sha.

Anonymous said...

That was how I made ogbonor soup for my ex and his brothers and d water I used was too much, the soup was watery and they always called me bucket ogbonor soup after that incident.

Anonymous said...

No lady dey near my kitchen o. I wan marry with clear eyes. No be on top of my head person wan use "forget me not"

Cisca Chesca said...

Lol

Cisca Chesca said...

Hahahahha

Cisca Chesca said...

Lmao

Anonymous said...

Iya ibeji. God bless you and BVs. The comments are so funny. I started LOL and these oyibo people looking at me in a funny way. Mscheew can't remember the last time I read funny comments. Very good job. My mum is the best cook I know but surprisingly my dad teases her that she's happy to be a pro but her stew when they first met the pepper will face river Niger, the oil will flow to Niger Delta and the water will make a confluence in Kogi. I've never cooked for a guy and I'm a competent cook. I will be sure to look out for my village people's interruption and destruption if i ever have a boyfriend or get married. Chai I don dey old o.

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