Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

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Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

Na wah oh!!!







STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
WHEN SIDE CHICK IS LE BOOS COUSIN


 Stella good day. I'm a quiet BV but I read your blog everyday. I need advice on this issue I'm in right now. Red pen highly appreciated.


I met this guy during NYSC while I was in camp. He seemed like he was a regular guy at first, I really clicked with him because was very smart, cute and funny, you know how camp is, everyone is wearing white you can't tell who is who. As time went on I realized that he was from a rich home (those Hausa families) my family isn't bad but we don't have that kind of money o! 


Also I'm not Hausa.

I talked to him about it, he acted like it wasn't a huge deal, told me his family is liberal, he isn't easily influenced, he knows what he wants bla bla. So we carried on, (I should mention that we met in the Kubwa camp, Abuja) rent is expensive af in Abuja so I stayed with him during NYSC. 


I was serving in one nonsense office like that so I didn't usually go to work, it'll just be me at home when he goes to work.

One day his driver came home, and while we were gisting I used style to ask about his family, he actually confirmed that they're ok and bae is very stubborn and doesn't allow them to influence his life and everyone usually just leaves him alone. So I relaxed and allowed myself to enjoy the relationship.


Service year ended, I went back home, I wasn't retained and my parents were giving me side eyes, my mum kept asking what I was still doing in Abuja so I had to go back home.


While I was home he'd call everyday and talk regularly, at one point his number was switched off for days I couldn't reach him. Finally he called, told me he switched off his phone cos he was being pressured by his family to marry his 3rd cousin (I think) now that he's done with NYSC.


 I told him to tell them that he was still in a relationship so they'll leave him alone, he told me he did, but they are refusing to acknowledge me. (I met his mum once and she was very passive aggressive and dismissive of me) his siblings are nice tho.

We talked, he told me he wasn't interested in her, she's bratty, entitled etc. So that was it.

I finally found an excuse to tell my parents and went back to bae's house, everything was normal until one day when he had gone to work, I got bored I decided to look for an old book to read then came across a box filled with plane tickets to Dubai, at least 15 of them, there was one that had the same date as the time he was unavailable (I know she lives there) although there were many tickets from before then too.

I don't know what to do at this point, if I confront him he'll accuse me of snooping and get mad, but I don't want a situation where I'll be forming girlfriend and he'll go off and marry who his family approves of.

He is usually very straightforward if he says he doesn't like something or someone, that's it, nothing will change his mind, he also goes to Dubai a lot so it could be nothing. But I don't know why he didn't tell me he travelled.

Honestly, as much as I love him, I plan to leave him cos this isn't what a relationship should be like at all, but knowing him if I don't tell him why I'm leaving he'll start stressing me, he won't leave me alone. But I also can't predict how he'll react if I tell him I went through his things. Also what if he innocently travelled and it meant nothing?

Stella help o!




*MARRY HIS COUSIN?????na wah oh

How can you be afraid f a man you are in a relationship with?This is the reason I say DONT SNOOP but team snoop members say it has helped them avoid scary situations.

The minute you know,you cannot unknow it until you confront.

Why dont you ask him nicely if he went to Dubai ?If he wont Marry you,your asking him wont change anything,besides if his family says No,you cant fight them.

Sit him down and discuss the relationship and if it will progress into Marriage...trust me,he knows already if he will Marry you or not..

66 comments:

  1. When I got to the point of "rent was very costly and I stayed with him . . ." I just knew that marriage is not in the picture here. Finding reasons to justify fornication and self degradation.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly,this girl na heavy mumu, I dislike dumb girls unfortunately we have so many of them roaming around, u live with a man not married to u cos houses are expensive, and u heard he is stubborn and u stayed yakata like mugu.nwanne recieve sense.

      Delete
    2. Poster listen...
      Very attentively...
      The cousin is his wife/fiancee, you can take it to the bank. I was once in a relationship like that. Best man I have ever dated. Told me his family is forcing him to marry his first cousin (his dad and her dad are same parents). Guy said lailai na me him wan marry. God forbid for him to marry that small girl. I was relaxed thinking I had a guy. Guy was making endless trips to his home town. One day he travelled and came back, I just looked straight into his eyes and asked him "how was the marriage? He looked at me with confusion and said "it was fine. Then the next thing he burst into tears. Said his father said he was going to curse him if he doesn't marry her.
      I cried for 6 months... I'm not kidding here. It took me almost 2 years to heal. He has not stopped begging. But I'm over him. I'm done. I'm fine.

      Dear poster... RUN!!!

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    3. If you don't kindly walk away from this relationship you would be the biggest fool. Someone he doesn't like yet he is flying hours to visit the person. One this is that once they have been pressured to marry a particular person they must marry that person for their family either as the first or as the second and yes they marry their cousins ( my former neighbor was married to his cousin)
      I feel you should ask him in a calm manner that you don't mind him marrying the both of you (just to get the truth out) but if you ask me I do not think it's worth it, cus you seem scared of him to the point that you can't even ask him simple question. Just get yourself ready for heart break weda now or later it must come

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    4. Dear poster , I don't like commenting but your case strikes me . I was born in the north and currently reside in abuja .
      The young man will not marry you , maybe as the THIRD WIFE.
      It is normal for them to marry their cousins . It is a way of the noble Hausa families to retain their wealth in their circle . They want to marry who they can trust .
      No matter how stubborn your man is , he must marry that girl .
      I can understand how you feel , because northern men make the best bf , they take care of you and make you feel loved . Unfortunately they will not marry a southern woman . (They might as the third wife after you have converted to Islam )
      Confronting him or not is not the issue .the issue here is that you are in a dead end relationship unless you dont mind being on the sidelines while he marries his cousin and wait till it's your turn .
      I am advising you as someone who is a part of their circle .

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    5. Poster if you really want to be honest with yourself you know this is not a relationship that would lead to marriage. Don't waste your time further please

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    6. If he didn't have money would u ve even thought of dating him??. #golddigger#

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    7. As a northerner my advice, the practice is, 1st wife you marry because of your parents. Any other subsequent you marry who you want. This guy will most likely marry that cousin, it's a culture thing, it's allowed. It's very common especially among influential families. Secondly, you lived with him before marriage, in a town where his parents are. I assume they know you lived with him. It may be hypocritical to some but in the conservative north, that is fatal to your marriage hopes with this guy

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  2. It is obvious the cousin "wife" is the main chic. I think you need an option B.

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    Replies
    1. Sdk why are you surprised at the poster's bae who's dating his cousin. Its normal among the housa Muslims. They marry their cousins, uncles, etc. Its no big deal.

      Poster,poster,there's no light at the end of that tunnel ooh. Don't even contemplate it. Leave that situationship now!!! If truly his family wants him to marry his cousin, believe me he will defiantly wife her. I've been in the north for decade now so am advising you from occurrences I've seen with my two naked eyes. Don't you know must Muslim guys marries whom their mother picked for them? If he doesn't like their choice then he can pick a second wife. But the first wife is whom their momma pick and it's usually a blood relation.

      Shalom.

      Delete
  3. Mtchew, u plan on leaving yet u are concerned about how he'll react if he found out u were snooping!
    Pls swerve, u sound like a small gyal.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Be lying to your parents to live in with a man in Abuja. These abokis will carry your meat do suya.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster why are you sticking with this guy when you can see all the signs? Do you want to change your religion and become one of the wives? Is the money worth it? Please hear this, never stay with a man you are not married to. More often than not, a man does not buy a cow whose milk he gets for free.

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  5. Lols😀😁😂
    Stella are u surprise??
    Hausa people marry their cousin, its a normally thing here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "normally thing?"
      You are hereby arrested for murder
      Your victim is English language
      It is NORMAL to arrest your kind
      For your last name, you will be investigated
      for grammar terrorism!

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    2. I am SURPRISED that you wrote surprise?

      Delete
    3. Enuf Engrish police on this blog.

      Delete
  6. Since you plan to break up with him, why not do it? Why are you lying to your parents to go to Abuja and have sex with a man that hasn't paid your bride price?

    Why are you deceiving yourself; you think this man will marry you? keep telling him to "tell them you are in a relationship . . ." did he tell you he is in a relationship with you? Only you are seeing relationship here, there is none. There is a sex by barter or service from a whore he picked from nysc camp.

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  7. In Islam ,it is allowed to marry ones cousin,so e go dey rampant in d North,try to check ur inner self if u are really ready to marry him cos d cousin issue will always be there even if he decides to marry u,na to dey suspicious anytime he travel ni

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  8. Poster follow stella's advice,this is one of the best advice she has ever given,u need to ask him nicely to know your stand,I pray that your heart desires be granted.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehehehehe, dey there dey ask. What do you think he would tell you? If you like don't go back home and go and start afresh, you hear? Receive sense!

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  9. Family marriage is common among some Muslim’s in Asian, i didn’t know that Hausa does it too. It is a taboo.
    Poster, for your peace of mind, confronts him nicely. Don’t bother about him being upset. You have every right to know if he is playing you or not. If he is not, are you ready to get married to a guy whose mother can never accept you??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is not a taboo to d real muslims

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    2. It's not even a taboo anywhere! Some group of Igbos do it too. The Abriba and Item people in Abia State.

      Delete
  10. My dear,borrow leg waka. Wetin u still dey do there?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Don't break up. Why? Just say abeg what else was I supposed to do while sitting around. Ask him if he wants to marry you. Forget Dubai issue for now,

    ReplyDelete
  12. Aunty you are only scared because he's rich, if it were on 'nnamen' you won't be asking all these questions. Please move on if you want to or stay in the relationship, the choice is all yours.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let her calm down and enjoy the mula , forget about marrying him.

      Delete
  13. Didn't you know rent is expensive in Abuja before you decided to serve there? You better stop deceiving yourself and move on with your life.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Didn't you know rent is expensive in Abuja before you decided to serve there? You better stop deceiving yourself and move on with your life.

    ReplyDelete
  15. If you have ever stayed in the North then your sixth sense should have told you that he's going to wife that his cousin.
    That's just the bitter truth, so it's better you run for your dear life if you don't want to share him with the supposed cousin.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Stella what's the screaming for. It's not a new thing na. It is allowed in the other religion, so far the cousin is not from the paternal side. My neighbor is married to his cousin and I know others like that.
    Babe, don't confront him just run away.

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  17. You are still asking goggle question, what are you doing with hausa boy so All the suffer your parent went through to see you through school nah hausa wan dey use human being do suya you wanna end up with,Nne behave yourself and make your parent proud...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you're a Muslim too why disturb yourself? Marrying you does not mean he won't marry his cousin or another. Its a normal thing to marry 'em cousins.

      Delete
  18. Nothing to tell you. Search your inner self and listen to yourself.

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  19. Wow! Poster,I also camped in Kubwa. Well, confront him and define your relationship ASAP.

    ReplyDelete
  20. What are you calling snooping here? Don't you live in the same house and allowed to know everything that happens in that house? Did he put the tickets in a safe and you stole the code of the safe to know the content?

    Look lady, this is not snooping since the two of you live together. Truth is, you have made yourselves husband and wife illegally so you have the right to know whatever happens there. Smh. So you can perform wife duties but he can't be answerable to you by telling you what he intends doing/done with those tickets? My friend, ask him already. If he gets angry, let him know you both live in the house so definitely you will find out. Stop worshipping all these boys. Who is he that he can't be ask a questions? Moreover he's in a relationship with you and you live together.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She doesn't want to be driven from the house. Where would she go? She doesn't want to stay with her family. Poster my advice is just go home and start from there.

      Delete
  21. Hmmm....poster better leave that guy ASAP. He will never marry you. I know you are there because he is rich. Borrow your self brain and run 🏃 now

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  22. Also woman, there's a probability that he got married those 3 days his phone was off. You are probably living with a married man. Thanks

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  23. Why are you still worried about his reaction if you have already decided to leave him? You have not made any decision yet, so stop deceiving yourself. Because you have seen money, you are now forming love. Just go home and start looking for job.

    ReplyDelete
  24. My dear that guy wont marry you........even his mothers attitude has shown it. Rich hausa kids hardly marry outside their tribe. Are you even sure that is his cousin? who confirmed this for you. Men that can lie about anything.
    That girl is probably schooling in Dubai, I know a lot of hausa kids schooling in American university Dubai. When she is done they will get married.
    She may have been bethroned to him since a young age, bride price everything may have been paid.
    You are a warm bed and available couchy for that guy, till his wife to be returns.
    Hausa's have a strong hold on their kids. This is a battle you cant win, don't bother fighting it.
    Seems you are also Christian, pls go and look for a Christian young man.
    Anything you do, PLS DONT GET PREGNANT. tHAT is when your problems will start. Move on now you are still young.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Dear poster abeg borrow usain bolt legs and run for your life. Hausa guy from rich family can't marry you trust me I have been in the Same situation like you for ten years the guy go just dey chop free ponyor. I had to borrow sense and leave because he refused to commit and marry me after all promises. Hausa men from rich family always do arranged marriages.

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    Replies
    1. Poster can you see? Nkiru thanks for sharing.

      Delete
  26. If you are scared of asking him basic questions that will help you make vital decisions for both of you now, i don't know what will happen if you end up with him. There are so many issues involved in this your story. 1. The mother is against you but prefer the cousin which is normal for them to marry.2. How long do you think he can hold on and defend you when the pressure is too much on him? 3. Why didn't he informed you of his trips to Dubai since both of you are so close and the said cousin lives there. My dear, can you cope? if he marries you today, he will still marry another person in future. Can you cope? Ask your self some questions and tell your self the home truth. Why are you living with him? Please, get your self a proper accomodation and plan your life.

    ReplyDelete
  27. If you are scared of asking him basic questions that will help you make vital decisions for both of you now, i don't know what will happen if you end up with him. There are so many issues involved in this your story. 1. The mother is against you but prefer the cousin which is normal for them to marry.2. How long do you think he can hold on and defend you when the pressure is too much on him? 3. Why didn't he informed you of his trips to Dubai since both of you are so close and the said cousin lives there. My dear, can you cope? if he marries you today, he will still marry another person in future. Can you cope? Ask your self some questions and tell your self the home truth. Why are you living with him? Please, get your self a proper accomodation and plan your life.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Dear poster, this guy will still marry his cousin even if he marries you today cos he is a muslim.

    This muslim kids are not usully stubborn or insolent, they hardly go against the wish of their parents.

    When you decide to marry him, will you be able to face the criticism from his family and your's.

    You should let him use his connection to get you a job at lest you won't loose on both side.

    But wait ooh, all the while you were with him in Abuja, wasn't he having sex with you?

    Dear poster, face other areas of your life. A female child can be successful too, pursue your career leave marriage alone for now.

    Financial independence is key to having a successful marriage.

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    Replies
    1. Well said. I hope she takes your advice.

      Delete
  29. Actually poster, I can smell lies written all over this your post. You left out so many details and also tried to paint the picture of a perfect and healthy relationship. I put it to you that you are the side piece and you are clinging to that guy because you think he is rich. Take it from me, that guy isn't going to marry you. You already started co-habiting with him and that alone will never make his family accept you. You can decide to remain in the relationship and be exchanging your body for the financial gains but I don't see any marriage in the picture.

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  30. Aunty go back to your house and stay..God Forbid..Women should learn to respect themselves haba . Let the man sort himself out with his family,and look for you and eventually propose to you..You just packed your bags,lied to your parents and went to live with him.him . you have finished nysc,can't you look for work,start a business,learn a trade,go for masters etc instead of staying in a man's house and going through his stuff when he has gone to work..you have the typical goldigger persona and you shouldn't be taken seriously..If its my son,I wont even even let him marry you because you obviously don't have any respect for yourself or your parents

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  31. Hi poster, you have to know your stand but don't mention about the Dubai first. How the talk progress will determine if you can ship in that. All the best

    ReplyDelete
  32. Live in lovers and you expect him to marry you after he must have don see you finish okwaya?? Odiegwu really!
    The one year you lived with him wasnt enough and you still had to go back inorder to 'secure' your property. Lol
    Be there and keep satisfying his sexual urges while he keeps taking good care of you cos that one is nothing to dem at all. They are real good at it on a 💯 bhet d bitter truth is, HE WEE NOT MARRY YOU.
    Sdk, dont be surprised o cos hausas marry their cousins. Its veryyy normal to dem and I really wonder why.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Anonymous 18 December 2017 at 16:30
    This story is a guy(name start with D)I just met and he kept on telling about his igbo ex girlfriend who he spent a fortune on,has a Seven age old son and another(maybe four)I had to borrow leg and run(because I sense lies.


    Please the person that posted this comment, is the man a lawyer? Yoruba? The last letter of his name is "A" . Please anonymous reply and drop more clues biko. I'm multiple posting hopefully the anonymous from yesterday's blog visitors narratives will see this.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Better leave that relationship,it has served it's purpose. didn't even make sense from the start. Muslim Hausa males are known to date Christian females dump them and marry their women,the ones their families approve of. No need to confront him,distance yourself and keep praying to get a good job and/or a nice boyfriend,you ll forget this mallam in a heartbeat

    ReplyDelete
  35. Let me give you my humble advice. You seem a little greedy, you have a low self esteem and you are wasting your time. You are from different cultures,tradition which is not a problem BUT it becomes a major problem when a key player in the scenario is against you that is his mother. He already has a wife by his tradition. Those telling you to confront him are just wasting your time cause you confront someone when you are sure that he will make amends and do the right thing. If your love for him is not about money and you want peace in you life I suggest you go "Ghost Mode" on him....meaning you dump him without telling him, cut all ties and start a new life. It might be hard but it will be worse if he decides to go against his mother's wish and his mother will come after you. The mother's influence and power over their children in the northern part especially the rich is so strong because unlike other parts the mother will be Absolutely blamed by the father and it will affect all the other children. RUN now when you still have you legs don't fight a battle you have already lost. You made yourself cheap by staying with him during your service year.

    #come back and thank me later.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Hehehehe. My darling, i can soooo relate to the rich hausa boy part. Those boys are charming spoilers and can make you renounce your destiny 🤣🤣 But this is the part where you consciously cease to catch feelings. He won't go against his family for you. Just stop dreaming. Best thing is he would marry that girl to appease them and marry you as second wife cos he loves you.
    Baby girl, let me tell you the fact.... YOU WONT MARRY HIM.
    But this is what you should do, get alot of money and port. Make it easier for him. You need 'capital' for 'business'. Look for a feminine type of business, thats what they like. Then, few months later, tell him what you saw and how you've been letting it dawn on you that you cant be togther. Cry hot tears. You release him of the guilt of offering you a parting gift. And make sure that capital is in millions please. Hit me up if you need a business plan (@10% commission of course 🤣🤣)
    If he has connections for Government job, please dont leave without that too. Dont leave empty handed so you dont become a liability side chic in love. Take heart you hear?
    If he offers you a car too, take the benz. You will sell it for a higher price than the honda.

    ReplyDelete
  37. If u were attracted bcos of d money, collect enough while u last.
    Hope u r a Muslim? If not, I don't know wat u r doing w him in d first place.
    Secondly, forget being d first wife, w ur persistence and pressure, u can be one of d wives. Don't know wic no though.
    Hausas don't do live in. Why will he want to marry a live in lover? I am just wandering.
    You have no future ambition, no dreams or goals? After NYSC, d only tin u r crazy about is how to make dis rich dude marry u? Even if he does and divorces u a year latter, wat will be ur fate.
    Lady, place some value and respect on urself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oga Madam all this one is past tense. What we are saying is that she can't leave empty handed. We have lost enough here. When shes smiling to the bank ambition would surface. Hausa boys with better 🍆🍆 game? They will re-arrange your brain with good s*x till you abandon your destiny 🤣🤣 please dont blame poster.

      Delete
    2. Oga Madam all this one is past tense. What we are saying is that she can't leave empty handed. We have lost enough here. When shes smiling to the bank ambition would surface. Hausa boys with better 🍆🍆 game? They will re-arrange your brain with good s*x till you abandon your destiny 🤣🤣 please dont blame poster.

      Delete
  38. You seem like a hungry and directionless person.

    You're not sure afraid to exchange body fluids but afraid to ask basic questions about your relationship? Issokay.

    You said you were not retained? How would you have been? Since you refused to go to your area of attachment and decided to spread legs like hnadfan in your boyfriend's house doing Iyawo lo wa? Dem dey retain ghost?

    What were your plans when going to serve in Abuja? You didn't know 'accomodation was expensive as af'? You were thinking it was like Ekiti or Ibadan? You see meal ticket and you don't wanna let go.

    Okay he's not gonna marry you. There's nothing to confront. 'Relationship' was DOA.

    ReplyDelete
  39. @ poster, you better tie your legs and say no to sex and see how he reacts to it.

    ReplyDelete
  40. poster,I know this guy has spoilt u silly with money and expensive gifts from Dubai but pls use Ur brain. Even if he marries u,be ready to share him other wives in future. U may end up with had I known. Pls forget all the wealth and walk away. Money cannot buy happiness o!

    ReplyDelete

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