Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Iya Ibeji Series -TTC And Being Deliberately Sensitive

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Saturday, 20 January 2018

Iya Ibeji Series -TTC And Being Deliberately Sensitive

I TTC-ed for some time and part of the challenges I faced were insensitive comments from people. Comments like

"Wetin una dey wait for? " "How far e don happen? "





This made me to be very sensitive to people's challenges so much so that I was accused of being too abi na highly sensitive. Let me share one of my stories.

I worked in a department in church, there were 3 women in the department and all 3 of us were TTC. Suddenly the heavens open and we were all getting pregnant one after the other from the person that has been waiting the most to the least in that order.

It was great, our pastor couldn't stop talking about it, the whole church was rejoicing for us and our department became the place to be if you wanted to get pregnant.

Unfortunately one of us lost the pregnancy, it was really hard for her. She stopped coming to church. We used to sit together with our very long tummies, being first time moms we had so much to talk about. She just couldn't take it, did I mention she was with twins as well?

So sister A and I gave birth and after a few months sister A suggested we go and see Sister B (the sister that had a miscarriage)
Sister A came to my house with her baby and I was like this won't work o. She said how?

I was like how can we go and see her with our babies, It just seems unfair. Sister A was like that's true o and I didn't think about it.

So got to sister B house and she asked after our babies and my excuse was we couldn't bring them because we took bike.

There was this other time I went to see her again and I didn't go with the twins, she asked after them and I sha formed one excuse and she was like I know what you are doing. In as much as I appreciate it please stop. And then she said "you need to stop being hyper sensitive"
Though In this case i didn't think I was too sensitive because she never came to see the twins and I understood that it was hard for her.

So in today's world of insensitive people have you made deliberate effort to be very sensitive? how did it turn out for you?

26 comments:

  1. Eeyah! But seems I have read this somewhere, here or elsewhere.

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  2. It's not as if ur actions were bad or anything like that,it's just that too much of everything is bad.

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  3. I have because of TTC. I know it will end in praise.#triplet#

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  4. I usually ask those days until my mom cautioned me seriously that it's none of my business...but then if u keep asking, you'd sound like a monitoring spirit n start sounding like an irritant. Not easy when you r ttc but u have to stop being overly sensitive, free yo mind, n stop reading meaning into every statement.

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  5. That journey isnt easy abeg
    Only those who wear the shoe understands

    I have a friend we both got married the same time
    We were both expecting to be preggy, I will ask has it enter,she will say not yet.
    She will ask same and I will reply not yet too.
    At a point she just wasn't free with me anymore till she delivered,i didn't even know she took in.
    Haaaaa, what happened Na, she started begging that she doesn't want me to feel bad that's why she didn't tell me.

    I was like that's not fair, I should be happy for you
    It's your time and mine will come.

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  6. This is touching...
    but what's the meaning of this "I was like" why can't you write a sentence without repeating I was like. please improve your vocabulary and stop writing like bush girls. I was like, I was like...rubbish English style

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    Replies
    1. I write and say “like “ so much I’m worried for myself

      Delete
  7. May God hear the cries of all women trying-to-conceive, and make it happen soon. Yes....it may be delayed in human point of view...but it will surely happen.

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  8. This is touching, the journey is not easy at all but keep praying for other to conceive as well.
    But what's the meaning of this " I was like" why can't you write a full sentence without repeating " I was like. Please improve your vocabulary and stop writing like bush girls. I was like, I was like... its becoming a communication fashion in Nigeria. Rubbish English style

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  9. No one has being sensitive to my situation, I avoid a lot of people nowadays. I got married a year ago, but due to financial reasons we haven't started a family. One aunty just grabbed my tummy and started praying for babies. How do I explain that hubby and I need jobs not babies. Those I explain my plight to, tell me to conceive, that God will make a way.haba!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let them keep grabbing and touching. There is nothing as bad as 2 unemployed ppl bringing a child to the world. No child deserves to suffer when you two are struggling to buy baby food and pampers. Baby's cost a lot of money. Medical care,clothes,food diapersetc ain't cheap.
      Pls wait till either you or your hubby get job. Atleast one of you must be working.
      It is this same aunt that will be avoiding your calls if you have to start begging for money to feed your baby.
      Some couples that have jobs even wait a yr or two. Just to settle into marriage and have some savings before embarking on kids.
      You are doing the right thing.I hope one of you gets a job atleast .

      Delete
  10. No one has being sensitive to my situation, I avoid a lot of people nowadays. I got married a year ago, but due to financial reasons we haven't started a family. One aunty just grabbed my tummy and started praying for babies. How do I explain that hubby and I need jobs not babies. Those I explain my plight to, tell me to conceive, that God will make a way.haba!

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  11. Thank you annon 13:06 I wonder o, come to my school unizik and hear I was run. especially from undergraduates babes. it is trending now. hahaha

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  12. Hmmmm, I don't ask TTC couples question oo, it's only God that knows what they are going through

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  13. Eyah. May God answer all the ttc women. It's a hard journey. I have one in my family, I feel pity for her anytime I see her but I try not to mention anything that would make her feel bad.

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  14. My childhood friend has been ttc for 10 years. Even before I got married and also started ttc, I never asked her what the problem was. Sometime last year, something happened and she said I am very selfish and wicked, that I claim to be her friend but I've never asked how she is faring in her ttc journey. Na wa ooo set me that was trying to avoid wahala but eventually landed inside one.

    Anyway, we talked things over and we are both in a good place in our friendship now.

    Generally I think it gets to a point where every ttc woman becomes very sensitive and overbearing. Baby dust to all the mothers in waiting on this blog.

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  15. Amen to all ur prayers
    I have become like an enemy of progress... When ever I see baby things or pregnant women.. I can start crying..the worst is am the only one without a child in my church.. Its so painful

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    Replies
    1. You are the only one without a child in your church? How? You stress too much, God will give you children at the appointed time which will be soon.

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    2. God has done it, for he will not leave you or forsake you. Cheer up ma, you will surely suckle your children. shalom.

      Delete
  16. I understand. Dont worry okay. God will do it sooner than you expect.

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  17. There is a lady that is my neighbour. She should be atleast 45. Very nice,warm and beautiful. Her husband should be near 50. They have been married 12 years.
    Anytime I am around her,i try not to bring up the topic of kids, ttc or anything. So she won't feel bad.
    Many of us she came for our wedding all have kids. And we are all much younger than her.
    Sometimes i want to suggest IVF or surrogacy to her or even adoption. But I don't even know if she has tried them. I just keep my mouth shut when we see and continue our gisting on fashion,work and social happening.
    She's such a sweet lady but me being much younger and just a gisting neighbour don't want to over-step my boundaries asking her questions.

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  18. I have a friend that is ttc, but I have never asked her about it or brought up the topic. I don't know if she will feel bad if I say anything like suggestions, encouragement etc or ask her how she feels, or if she doesn't like my keeping quiet about it (We both got married the same time and I have 2 kids) Bvs what do you think?

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  19. You are really very considerate o. Others wont even mind...

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  20. I keep saying it "the worst place to be as a TTC mum is Nigeria".We are so insensitive to the plight of we TTC mums. May God continue to give us the grace to hold on until our time comes. I thank God for wiping my shame and I pray He does same for all others like me on this blog. We shall celebrate.

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  21. I have a friend oo that has been ttc I had to ask ooo. She got married 2011 up till now nothing. Me I had to ask ooo. Anytime I call her i'll say o girl how far any news. I had to disturb her until she opened up tht the problem isn't from her. Her husband has low sperm count. I've been telling her about a guy I know that treats women with herbs it worked for my friend under one month of treatment she conceived and now she is almost due . But I don't want to push too hard so we don't have issues. Life if na woman now all hell will let loose ooo but now it's the man's fault and everybody is quiet.

    ReplyDelete

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