STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
UNFRIENDLY MUM
I need BVs to help me contribute on a matter weighing heavily in my heart.
I'm not so close to my mum, dis started since childhood. Due to an ugly situation that happened to me as a child while she was away with my dad. On her return, i was expecting her to notice the change in my character but she was too blinded by fanaticism that all i always heard was that i have an evil spirit in me. Mind u ,i wasn't like that before.
This made me so bitter, because as an introvert u will have to cajole me before i tell u anything. I couldn't talk to any1. I grew much older and tins became worse between my mum and i to the extent that she told me to pack out of her house once because she was fed up that i didn't get admission early.
The recent problem now is that she is very comfortable not talking to her children when we leaves for school. She responds reluctantly whenever we call, 'cus she assumes we always want to ask her for money. The last time i spoke with my mum was second week of January. Initially i will call to complain to her but she doesn't even listen to me.
My fear now is that i have started losing interest in associating with her. We have been on holiday since 3 weeks ago now but i am at my friend's place. I dont want to go home due to the quarrels i have with her.
I dont want to stop speaking to my mum but i am very much comfortable not talking to her. Advice me on what to do. I'm afraid when i am done schooling, i won't go back home or even associate with my mum again.
Help BVs, I am really scared.
*I dont know what to say ...Just imagining how on earth a woman will not be able to connect with a child she carried for nine months and nursed....
Hmmmmmm why not talk to her about how you feel? She may not ven know that she is driving you away.. Goodluck but please dont stop talking to her...
ReplyDeleteExactly, she might not even know, poster please talk to your mum about it.
DeleteNot everything we see is natural. Someone may be manipulating your mum's mind or she fit be witch 🙊. I just know it is not normal. Pray to God for a solution
DeleteUr mum nice where mine is,its more than a year we've talked or seen each now,all what she cares about is money and as i never get now make i stay my lane abeg,just stay focused and be strong because d only revenge is when u make it in life,that's just my aim now,once u are made,na she go dey glue with u by force,it is well with u
ReplyDeleteHmmmm!!! Some mothers sha.
DeleteI think I know you and we have had conversations about this your attitude.
DeleteNa you sabi sha
Sad. I think you should open up to her, discuss your fears.
ReplyDeleteMy mum became close to us (her children) after my dad died and since then it's been rosy.
Talk to her.. It is well.
I think speak is different from talking. You can speak to her whenever you feel like. You dont need to talk to her, because talking means both of you have a connect. It is well.
ReplyDeleteKeep speaking to her
This your story is somehow.
ReplyDeleteYour mom is not your enemy but imagine if she is, even God expects you not to hold malice;
ReplyDeleteDo not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[d] says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”[e]
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12
If you forgive your mom from your heart, your heavenly father will also forgive you and you will have peace to share with her troubled soul (whatever it is that is troubling her).
Anon 15:13, I can never forgive someone like my mum. She is always going about disgracing me and saying that I am a bad child all because I chose a different religion path., although, we are both Christians.
DeleteMy own mother will tell me to my face that my elder sister will make it better in life than me, and that I will cry in the future and beg them, then, they won't answer me.
She do talk as if my own God is using sleeping tablet. Everything she had wished me had always bounced back and my elder sis has always be a cause of sadness to her.
I wasn't trained as a Nurse when I got the chance on a platter of Gold just because my SU elder sis was in medical school. My mum believed that that was enough for her. My sister was later withdrawn in part 3 and she later studied the course I studied. My elder sis also developed a mental illness and she's still single. I also remembered how my mum told me years back that her child( my elder sis) will see a good husband to marry at her early age, a christian and rich husband. On the contrary, she said that my own future "make-up" husband and MIL will beat me in their house just because I will attract a man like me. My sis has brought 6 men home and it has always been one disappointment or the other for the two of them. She's still single at 30 years and I am in the relationship with the best man in the world. I promised God that the only man I take home is the man I will marry. I am not yet married but I know that my God is alive and will continue to fight for me.
Poster, I don't think your own mum is as wicked as mine. So, try to forgive her.
I understand jare my own mom always tel me I won't spend up to 3months in my husbands house, my children Wil neva respect me, my elder is better Dan me but funny enough I married my elder sis divorced sleeps wit any man day says I like u. Dis life ehn d talk plenty no power to type
DeleteOMG, Anon 15:31 are you for real? I pray none of her curses will ever manifest in your life. But please, find a way to ask her to reverse every curse she laid on you. Can I tell you one thing about mothers, that period she sheltered you in her womb and the breastfeeding is the highest weapon, it can for blessing and for cursing. God doesn't joke with the sacrifice a woman made for procreation. I understand that some mothers are evil but make use of this opportunity that she is still alive to make her reverse those words. I pray you are free and also successful in life.
DeleteAnonymous 15:41:this is disheartening,please forgive her for your own sake,please!
Delete@Anonymous 15:41
DeleteIf you do not forgive, you deprive yourself of God's forgiveness:
Luke 11:4 and forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. And don't let us yield to temptation."
Ada, God always has loopholes to these things. There's a portion in the Bible that talks about causeless curses. She doesn't need her mother to reverse anything unless she did something wrong
DeleteThere's a disconnect somewhere!
ReplyDeleteHopefully u ain't a stubborn child who doesn't listen to her...so far your mom ain't here to tell us her version of ur behaviour.
Exactly my thought BB......
DeleteBlackBerry, what if she is a stubborn child? Isn't she her child? We all have erred one way or the other as kids. Does that mean that mothers should throw away their stubborn children?
Delete@blackberry,what would u say about my mum that is only friendly and plays motherly role only when u have money?
DeleteDada Toyosi I feel your pain dear. God will announce your success more than you expected. Shebi na money be the issue here, you will get and get more abundantly.
DeleteWell, a woman once said, no one should stress themselves over a hard hearted or stubborn child, that nature n life experience would teach d child a lesson, experience will always be their teacher since dey no one hear word.
DeleteAdadioramma,
DeleteYes, her mum has authority over her, but she has a Creator who is more power over her life.
◄ Psalm 27:10 ►
Verse (Click for Chapter)
New International Version
Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.
◄ Isaiah 49:15 ►
Verse (Click for Chapter)
New International Version
"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!
God knows that we are abusers of power. Her mother is also a mortal. So God won’t honor her curses!
People believe they can bully others with curses and negativity, whenever they fee like it, and however. They forget that there’s a higher power who is in charge.
Please, my creator is not wicked.
The child that is stubborn is even the one that needs more live, more concern, more prayers and blessings. That is because what you as a mother want for your child matters at the end of the day. Your love, stern reprice and prayers as a mother can change a stubborn child.
DeleteThe truth is,so many are unaware of what true parenting is. It is selfless, unconditional love. How can a mother stay for months and not hear from her child? Not relationship? No communication? And then you expect when that child is grown it will suddenly happen?
So many of our parents got it wrong especially during the teenage, young adult days. The inability to understand and cope with that stage of growth, coupled with financial and emotional obligations and maybe even marital issues with husband and in laws. Still, motherhood is sacred. A mother strives above all to connect with her kids no matter her own personal struggles.
Poster - talk to your mother. Find time and go home and have a heart to hear talk with her. Tell her of that long held memory that still hurts, cry and talk it out( this has happened to a lot of people, our parents back then didn’t use to listen to kids a lot) Listen to her too. I pray you guys can resolve things.
Wish you all the best
And oh, don’t stay close physically. After that talk, try to organize your life is such a way that you just go to visit. Let her crave your presence.
DeleteEvery time I do something wrong at home, my mum always asks me “what I want her to tell God”. My mum sounds likes she feels as responsible for my errs as I do. Poster, you deserve all the love and care a mother can offer. While you Mum might be unwilling to give this love, the onus is on you to ensure your kids and all kids around you have a different experience than you have had. This should be your focus. So my advice is for you to focus on your focus, build yourself in character and Christ so much that you change their destiny positively. It might be too late to cause real change in your Mum but you can do much more.
DeleteI wish you all the luck in the world
Not everyone was created to be a Mum, but them no go hear. Poster, face your studies and make something out of your life. Women like your Mum will start seeking you as they grow old, especially when you are successful and rich.
ReplyDeleteSad one! Though you didn't tell us what you did when they were away that spanned to this. Maybe it's not even necessary that we know.
ReplyDeleteStella, it's called Evil.
No matter what someone's child does, that isn't enough reason not to forgive and love the child back as much as possible, the only factor that worsen mothers-child relationship to this extent is hatred. Your mum is full of hatred.
It's hard for peace to Reighn, except she takes the first step towards reconciliation. However, poster, I advice you gather courage and make her understand how you're not feeling the motherly love you deserve and it's affecting you. Table reasons why she should forgive you in anyway knowingly or unknowingly you might have offended her.
Poster!!! We are in the same shoe. Few people can remember my comment last week that my mum moved my loads to the sitting room. They are still there tho. See dear poster, I am in your shoes, mine is even painful than yours.
ReplyDeleteSome others lose their child/ren to fanaticism. I was like you when I was in the university. I always feared going home while my roommates were always excited to go home. The distance from my school to my house was #60 then.
This is my advice to you. If you want to be happy, double up your hustle and don't be financially depended on your mum. If possible, try not to go home too after school and after your NYSC. She will miss your absence and love you the more. When I was away for NYSC, my own mother dotted on me. She was always calling and asking me to come home. I went back home and after I lost my job, she sent me parking.
Be close to her from afar if you don't want to stop talking to her.
Lol @ 'be close to her from afar.'
DeletePoster!!! We are in the same shoe. Few people can remember my comment last week that my mum moved my loads to the sitting room. They are still there tho. See dear poster, I am in your shoes, mine is even painful than yours.
ReplyDeleteSome *mothers lose their child/ren to fanaticism. I was like you when I was in the university. I always feared going home while my roommates were always excited to go home. The distance from my school to my house was #60 then.
This is my advice to you. If you want to be happy, double up your hustle and don't be financially *dependent on your mum. If possible, try not to go home too after school and after your NYSC. She will miss your absence and love you the more. When I was away for NYSC, my own mother dotted on me. She was always calling and asking me to come home. I went back home and after I lost my job, then, she sent me parking.
Be close to her from afar if you don't want to stop talking to her.
It is well. This story is one sided. I guess she also has something to say. Maybe one small thing that made her change. We never can tell. Since you want peace, I will suggest you guys have a conversation. Talk, heart to heart. Let her know how you feel and what you've decided on doing if she decides to go ahead with her attitude. I wish you the best sis.
ReplyDeleteNo matter how the story is, a mother should never disconnect from their own child. What is the essence of being a mother when you cannot love your child no matter how stubborn? if a child is not a murderer or thief, there is still hope for that child. Parents if no excuse not to love their children abeg.
DeleteBoth of you need to discuss extensively on this issue and try bonding with your mum even ifa she doesn't call you call her. Send her message on mother's day. It'll softened her
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm I honestly don't know what to say to this. Some mothers are sha like that, they have no business being mothers. I've seen a woman hit her seven year old son with a metal. Blood was just gushing from his head. Very satanic being.
ReplyDeleteposter being your mom doesn't make her care for you, is she a career woman, a business woman or maybe she is occupied with one thing or the other upstairs. My mom was like that when I was young I was never close to her cos the connection wasn't there my sister I prefer to pour out my mind to outsider than to confined in her, all she care about is her business she combined with her nursing profession no matter how sick any of us my mum must attend to her business in as much as she don give you food bellefull clothes and other things no really matter but my dad cares a lot may his soul rest in perfect peace 😂😂😂😂😂we lost him last year but when we started growing up try and make money she will care
ReplyDeletenonsense. Pls this is not Chronicles jo. Look my mom and i growing up were practically strangers. I built my relationship with her now we are best of friend
ReplyDeleteMine is different.....
ReplyDeleteI feel so unhappy..
My marriage broke up few years ago, I cut off from virtually all my friends because I couldn't stand the shame.
Now, most of them are married with kids and flunt their marriage on social media.
I don't even have a boyfriend much more a relationship that might lead to marriage.
What can i do please? I am depressed.
I do work and have advanced in my carrier, I ain't where my ex left me but I aint happy
Look, you don't need to kill yourself because your relationship ended, is dt the end of life? you cannot compare your issues with that of others. Get up and love yourself and see what life has in store for you jare. what will you say to single ladies that if never being married? should they then commit suicide? pick yourself up and face your life and you don't need to cut off from your friends unless they don't want you around them again which means they were never your friends.
DeleteOnce when I found myself in your shoes,I was depressed,lonely,sad,bitter and filled with grudges,Infact possessed with spirit of unforgiveness.
DeleteThen one day I found Jesus,found Him more reliable and He never judged me for my past,and was never ashamed to be associated with me as opposed to what my friends and family did to me.
He always cared for me,consoled me when I cried,promised me a better future. I made Him (Jesus) my best friend and my life changed suddenly ,I became joyful and full of hope. My life became glorious and beautiful. I am today gloriously restored in my marriage and all misunderstands cleared and the wicked deed of the evil people against my home destroyed.
So dear,Jesus is the answer,He will never judge you but will beautify you if you can allow Him.
Get busy in the house of God and never stop serving God.
Sandra, again I love you but as an exposed person I expect you to know that unfortunately some mothers are not good mothers. Instead of acting like this is the first time you're hearing of such, why not offer advice or something
ReplyDeleteLady you need to communicate with your mom,tell her exactly how you feel and see if she still treats you the same way after!!!
ReplyDeleteYou obviously care and don't want to be totally estranged so please talk to her!
I once told my mum that I wish she can show us more love and have time for us like her sister does with her own children but she looked at me and told me that she will beat the hell out of me.
DeleteShe was busy with been a women leader,other things but no time for her children. And anytime,we dare to come around her if she comes home,she makes us believe that we disgust her.
She might be eating with my dad and my dad might call us to join them,she will wash her hands and then make one disgusting comment like"what kind of disgustng act is this". To her we are useless,dirty and stupid. I remember my dad once told her that if she does not change that she might regret her life.
It is so bad that my father taught my two sisters how to use pad because she was not there and didn't know that they have started mensurating.
Anyway,today we feel disgusted with her. We get angry having her around. It is even worse that she is not repentant,she wants to control our lives and husbands. But if I hear!!!!!!
I pray God helps us with her because I know that if she die today that I will not miss her because I don't know what it means to have a mother.
Lady you need to communicate with your mom,tell her exactly how you feel and see if she still treats you the same way after!!!
ReplyDeleteYou obviously care and don't want to be totally estranged so please talk to her!
You must be aware that you are both individuals with different points of views and ways of doing things. Now, could she have done more for you as a Child? Absolutely! But I fear she probably did not know how to deal with an introvert, introverts get ignored because they do not say much and sometimes you forget their existence, worse if your mother is more chatty and open. I feel like your situation was simply an incompatibility of personalities. Your mom probably felt how she could have given birth to such a child who is so different from her.
ReplyDeletePlease make a small effort a couple times a month to call her. Just asking how things are, perhaps over the phone things are easier than face to face for you. Continue to talk to her, there may be sides to her that you do not know. Perhaps as adults a true friendship can develop between you too, but take it slowly because you are both strangers now, true friendships take time to grow. But if after initiating communication and trying to form a bond she rejects your attempts then leave her alone. Never force yourself on anyone, you must always stand in your full self worth and pride.
Hmmm....wow. I'm just speechless.
ReplyDeleteIt's well
ReplyDeletePoster please take heart and don't think that your mother's behaviour is your fault. Some women may have had a tough pregnancy, a baby father that maltreated them and this gets transferred onto the child. Sometimes they simply don't like the child. I know first hand of such cases. All they see when they look at the child is faults. Seek God in prayer and find the strength from within to stand on your own two feet. Love her from afar. When you make it in life don't deny her money or care but be detached and do it from afar lest she harms you or your future children
ReplyDeletePoster you are enemy of yourself. You pushed your mum away with your attitude. You are the one who created the distance.
ReplyDeleteSomething happened to you and she did not notice. Why not tell her instead of keeping it to yourself and waiting for her to ask you? Now you have now ended up creating a distance between you and your mum,that's why she sees you as someone who is possessed because you will be acting strange.
You find it difficult to forgive people.
If someone offend you, tell the person instead of waiting for the person to notice their mistakes because they might not even know they offend you.
Travel home and talk with your mum, tell her how the whole thing started and that you want to be close with her.
If you continue with this your attitude of waiting for people to know how you feel, it will affect your relationship with your future husband and kids.
Your mum might be frustrated with your behavior towards her that's why she decided not to care(but she get mind sha). Beside the Bible said "can a mother forget her child? Maybe"
So I will not blame your mum until I hear from her because adighi aka ikpe na onu Ofu onye.
Terrible mothers. Mine is now trying to be close to me now that am successful.
ReplyDeleteThis is a woman that never cared or looked for me when i was growing up. Never contributed to my welfare or education. Absentee mothers!
Now tge table has turned. She tell people am her last hope as no other child of hers is successful.
Woe betide absentee or shameless mothers.
Poster, it is well with you. Yes success is the answer to revenge i know now.
God will see you through
Make her listen to you through any means possible, call her family, her friends or persons she respects and table the matter some mother's are like that but once you have money now ..
ReplyDeletePoster I think you are too sentimental. Everybody cannot be the same so you have to step up rather than sitting for people to baby sit you. I used to be like you. I used to complain of my mum too but I realized that sometimes you need to speak up. You cannot just assume that your mum will know everything in your mind. Lossen up a little an you will see the difference
ReplyDeletePoster your mom is the twin sister of my mom, I remembered my mum beating the daylight out of me when I refused to sleep with a man for job, she made it clear to me that I should use what I have to get what I want. She also one time naked and hold her brest together that my enemy will be useless in life...but today am the one that takes care of her, my doctor husband make sure she doesn't lack anything.
ReplyDeleteIf I start writing what my mother has done to me in this thing called life book go full. Since childhood till now I'm 28 we don't have any kind of relationship. We are in different countries now tho, I can stay 100years without talking to her sef. I travelled 6years ago and I can't say we've talked up to 12 times in those years. When we manage to talk its hi, hello and then heavy awkward silence cos there's nothing we have to talk about. I started my period she didn't know, got pregnant and had a baby she didn't know. Yes I didn't tell her but I told everyone else tellable. That's how unclose we are. When I even finally called to tell her I just delivered she didn't even ask the normal Nigerian question of if it's a girl or boy. She just said congrats and kept it moving. I'm trying so hard to be the closest/best friend to my daughter. I want her to trust me and be able to confide in me no matter what it is. I want to give her all the love my mother never gave me. Even tho she's just 2. Yes I've tried to make amends few times but it didn't work out, the grudge is deep and I wonder if I can let it go.
ReplyDeleteIt's quite painful when especially mums are detached from their children. Very sad. Not every woman should birth children. It takes special women to love and nurture a child.it is well with you and your daughter. Train her with love and you'll have a well balanced girl/woman.
DeleteI think you're withdrawn from her because you haven't forgiven her yet for her carefree attitude and insensitivity. Why not summon courage and talk to her about her shortcomings. She might not even know she has wronged you that much. I pray you set things straight with her
ReplyDeleteDead beat mums exists too.my mum was one.forget nine months. They see n use if as a right to abuse n curse.curse be upon any woman that curses her child indiscriminately. Let's know and educate ourselves.bldead beat mums exist.
ReplyDeleteStella ols check ur Inbox
If i should tell you about my mum you will go back home and hug your mum. My mum is so evil she takes my name and my son's name to babalawo and other evil people to do our enemy evil but i serve a living God who doesnt sleep no slumber. When she was pregnant with me she was cursing my enemy in pregnancy but i thank God because He always makes a way for me and He keeps protecting me and my son.
ReplyDeleteSome mothers are just wicked. Some will hate you for telling the truth and even try to make other siblings hate you.
ReplyDeleteMy advise, pls move away from wicked and dysfunctional family members
My mother!!! You don't even want to hear. I'll just agree with that 'commenter' that said you'll go and hug your mum if you hear of other people's mums.
ReplyDelete