Have a nice Saturday as you peruse the Narratives and offer good advice.
NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
MOTHER IN LAW COMING TO STAY.....
Hello BVs. I know you will be in the best position to help me solve this little problem, am so sorry for my long epistle. Am a mum of 1 and also expecting another. I have a good husband, a lovely home and nice in laws too, my mum in law is kind and lovely,i have never had any problem with her since I married my husband few years ago and I pray it remains that way.
The issue I have right now is that her daughter called that mum inaw wil be coming to stay with us because she has little issues where she stays (family house in the village) she didn't state if she's going to be staying permanently or temporarily but I fear her coming to stay will be permanent.
No, I don't have any issue if it will be for a few weeks or months and I feel it will be somehow if I ask her daughter. My husband did not discuss this with me and I don't know how to ask so he won't feel I don't like his mother. I won't have minded her coming to stay at all but I notice anytime she comes around, her son start behaving strange and complains about little silly things and we end up quarrelling , he starts to feel like a macho man, his ego triples, and we start living like house mates with zero affection or communication.
The second issue is my mum inlaw can only communicate in her dialect and my son is just a year plus, I fear it may affect his speech, she also believe in this primitive way of taking care of children like lacing 'tiro' in their eyes, giving 'agbo' (local concoction) etc. I can condone all these if she has limited time to spend but I can never if she's going to end up staying. I don't want to have any problem with my marriage or my inlaws because she boast I am the best wife amongst all the wives her sons married to anyone that cares to listen hence her choosing to come. I want to remain the best daughter inlaw to her but I fear we might end up bitter with each other and the end result won't be nice at all. Food is
also a major challenge for me when ever she's around because she doesn't like the kind of food we eat,she never said so verbally but I see it in her body language. Please dear bvs, how can I stop her from coming to live with us? Hw should I discuss this situation with my husband and he won't end up feeling I don't like his mother? Left to him, he will tell me to do what pleases me and make whatever decision I want but this may not come from his heart since its his mother we are talking about.
Mum in law has 5 sons and a daughter but she chose mine cos she feels am gentle, calm and she enjoys her stay whenever she comes around. She is aware am pregnant so am sure she will bring all her primitive herbs and local pot to make concoction (yorubas call it aseje) for me which I detest so much, I had little issue wit my first pregnancy but God took control, mama feels it's because I did not eat concoction that's why. Please bvs help me! I really need wisdom and good Advice fast.
I will read comments today.
..............................................................................................................
NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO.
A BROTHER NEEDS ADVICE
I am a 27yr old guy and I have been dating my gf for 4yrs now, this year I took it to the next level and engaged her, we are planning for marriage at the moment. The problem now is we both work in different cities and recently she has been acting funny, she is not like her normal self, any little argument, she says " I should not push her".
3days ago we talked and she said her love for me has depreciated and that she doesn't know how it happened but she said she would work on it. Aunty stella, I nor gree see the working on it and I treat her like a Queen, I have even asked her if she has someone else but you know women dem nor go gree talk till it happens.
Aunty stella, I love this lady so much but I am at a point where I can't fight for it anymore, I have asked her if there is anything I am doing wrong, she said no. Dear Bv's, a broda needs help.
This wan pass me,lets see what the guys have to advice.perhaps she has cold feet.
Poster 2, she prolly has met someone else.
ReplyDeletePoster 1: thats what you get for being a hypocrite and pretender. You don't tolerate what you can't live with forever for one day so people will say you are good.
DeleteObviously you have been smiling and pretending all these while even when hurt so they can give you good wife award
So madam enjoy your good wife reward.
Those of you who marry husbands who don't respect you enough to consult you na una sabi. You married a man like that so why come asking us for advice
Poster1 shut up biko!! How would you feel if you are going to visit ur son in future n the wife react like you.. Take am suffrri suffrri abeg
DeletePoster 2.... First of all, I am a guy like you , so please believe me.
DeleteSecondly, it may sound tough, but your babe GET ANOTHER GUY.
Thirdly, pls believe me...
I don't think she's seeing someone else. ...... she just fell out of love for u... soon she will regain it. I ve been there. Just pretend as if u don't care. ...
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeletePoster 1 don't accept it..o,ur MIL shouldn't live with u,there is always bound to be prblms.Besides Dh was the one to inform u not ur SIL,tell ur SIL that u ll have to discuss with ur hubby,no just gree cos once she's in no going back.u said ur hubby acts diff when his mum is around so no gree he should think whatever he wants,all these DIL and MIL relationship is better off from a distance.just come up with something anything to make her go elsewhere,tell ur hubby u can't deal with her living with u guys.
Delete@poster2 : she is definitely seeing another guy.
DeleteTry and live like you don't care by not calling her or chatting with her.
@poster1 : all I have to say is JESUS FIX IT.
Your case pass me.
Poster 1 u r scared ur son's language will change wen she arrives? U shld rather b happy if she teaches him his mother tongue. For d permanent stay,talk to ur hubby abt it in a matured way. Dnt fight abt it pls mk him understand ur plight. In another way,she might just b coming but nt permanently so wait let her come first n if GH starts misbehaving as usual,draw his attention to it may n a matured way
DeletePoster 2! Ur lover has a lover dat is not u! Ntorrr
Delete*dat messed up silly girl*
P2 I agree she's seeing someone else...free her sharparly and move on.its gonna be hard but with God all things are possible...work hard and get your money up....you have access to a better pool of ladies when you let your hard work and comfortability speak for you....
DeleteN1 I'm a guy I detest mother in laws staying permanently...don't allow it to happen...find a way to stop it cuz with the MIL mindset and things you mentioned, you guys will clash and it won't look good on your part...a way to avoid this is to tell the sis that reached out to you about YOUR OWN mum was just in the process ofinding coming as she has issues with her accommodation and the house might be too full....you are kinda petty tho to say mama's dialect will affect your son's speech. That's a slave mentality...your son's speech will NOT be affected anyway, besides nothing wrong if your son can speak mama's dialect. Good luck...
I have noticed that people on this blog can be mean at times, but at the same time the nicest people, you help each other, you're like family, nobody is afraid to beg because you know someone will listen to you.
DeleteBut in lindaikeji's blog, everybody be forming rich, if you try to bring your problem there, some people will laugh and insult you.
Please continue being positive here.
Poster 1: she can't stay 4ever biko... All u ladies that dislike mother in-laws. Wait for your turn.
DeletePoster 2: R-Kelly said it; when a woman's mind is made up nothing can change it. She can pull out but shall keep frustrating you till you reset your brain to opt out for good.
Ano 17:04 u dnt praise the other while trashing the other. Jst say people on this blog are nice and stop with the comparison. Have you been here enough to see all the insults being dished out to those who have problems at times? just come out straight that you wana beg for something and stop trying to be sly.
DeleteBother poster 2 pls forget her...u guys work in different cities right? I can boldly tell you that she has moved on..she has met someone else and has "grown" close to him...my bestie did the same to her bf of 6yrs..she was putting up attitude d bf noticed asked her about it she denied and said everything was alright.
DeleteWhen she couldn't take it anymore she opened up and told d guy to move on dat she no longer loves him.
Joy, I'm sorry. My comment was not for you.
Delete@Anon 15:31, there's no better way you could have say it, you just said my mind. In my husband's family, the best wife use to come behind to complain how she's suffering and smiling, with all our husband's sibblings living with her. I am not the best, but am enjoying my marriage, they visit and go back am ok with that. @Poster 1, don't start what you can't finish.
DeleteExactly Patience don't start what you can't finish. Other wives were being themselves poster was pretending, time to enjoy the fruit of her eye service she is asking for advice
Delete@mystique, its aii. I got confused sef cos I had to wonder wen I've ever commented without reading. Thanks for clarifying tho.
DeleteP1 no gree o. With all the points aforementioned it's clear that you both would have problems when your MIL comes. Don't let DH bully you in to agreeing. It would not benefit you at all. Let her move into her daughter's house. And stop forming calm and gentle if you're not
DeletePoster 1! No gree o. Hmmm she can rotate as per her 5 boys but permanent stay with everything you've mentioned? No gree o. It's easier to arrange somewhere for her and someone to help her now than for you to do so after she has been living with you. Staying with in laws for long time is a no no if you can avoid it. My husband and I made that mistake and we regret it. It's not just about a man's mother, the wife's mother fit bring problem too. A wise woman builds her home. If you know someone's visit in your home changes the level of peace and love that's there abeg find way to shortened the visit o. The peace and love in your marriage and home is paramount. Tell your husband what his sister said and tell him how much you love his mother but her staying with you people will change that relationship over time and it's difficult for you being free with him and in your home with another woman, an authoritative figurehead there permanently. Even if na ur own mama sef. Back it up with prayer abeg. They should look into a comfortable place for her and enough helpers until her village home is ready again. If that's not feasible, then all the children should rotate. Unless it's the only option which is not so from what you have told us.
DeleteTo those saying if it were her mother would she refuse, bla bla. Thing is, what I can say or do to my mother that she'll take lightly, I wouldn't dare it with my MIL if I had one..(sadly mine is late) So it's not the same at all at all biko.
DeleteIn trying to be extremely careful not to offend her, she may end up offending her by being too reserved. Cos it could be termed as something else. And older folks have a tendency to be overly sensitive even when there's no issue.
The MIL also would be preparing her mind not to come and offend the daughter inlaw that so reveres her the most amongst others. So both would be on the edge..Hence everyone will be putting up behaviours that isn't theirs just to be on each others' good books. The antidote to not having a relationship disaster is for the woman not to over stay her welcome.
She can spend time with u, but not be permanently resident at urs. Let her alternate her stay amongst all her kids. That way they'll be intermittent respite for everyone.
There's no two ways to it, you'll have to discuss this with ur hubby. If u have a sold relationship with ur man, ur line of communication shouldn't have a barrier, such that outsiders will be first to know what bothers u, instead of him being the first to know. This shows that u need to build a boundless rapport with ur hubby and be able to discuss anything and everything, no matter the topic. If u have that, he'll understand u and would never think u hate his mom or whatever. Good luck
Exactly! The dtr shd tk care of their mum
DeleteP2 u still be small boy.
ReplyDeleteMake d bar n babes will chase u with love!
Allow her do shakara jor afterall ur ways ain't pure, ntoooor lol.
Poster one,
DeleteYou are a soft woman that's why you are d most favorable and I pity u.
Why didn't she go and live with the daughter?
Poster one, I don't see anything wrong with your mother in law speaking her dialect to the child or are you one of those that want their children to know English and zero of their own dialect?
DeleteB***h pls!!
DeleteBlackBerry wat kind of advice is that?
DeletePoster one....I don't like mum INLAW staying with couples... They always find fault
ReplyDeletePoster Two.......Your case Na situation of "Water don pass garri"
Just be glad that she is been truthful.. May be her own out of sight is out of mind..
Happy Sabbath everyone
I feel like eating Afang soup with good Fufu
@Galore
I was addicted to Afang few months ago! Omg
Delete@poster 1
You don't have issues with mama but as I read down..i noted you had plenty issues..which is natural seeing as you are human and not a saint.
I will love my kids to speak our dialect very well,so I don't understand why your MIL's native dialect will affect your child's speech. Like are you for real?
For the other things you listed out,those are still under control. Like taking the Agbo and all. You have the right to reject anything you don't wish to take!
Ask hubby if mama is coming to stay permanently,it won't make you bad person.
Everybody must sha comment me included.poster 1 didnt ask what you like and don't !
Delete@ Iphie dearie I lurv ur comment how's ur baby
DeleteHmm this mother inlaw issue,it's not easy oo. All of you are just talking, wait till ur mother in law moves in with you. No matter how nice she is, there will still be one thing or the other. My MIL is around, it's only when her son is home she finds fault in what I do. If me and my hubby are in the room,na that time she go dey bored and come and sit in the room with us. I gave birth through CS,she came to do omuguo but I cook and clean and do every other thing for her. I have decided not to complain but instead, I count days till she goes
DeletePoster 1
ReplyDeleteI love my mum with all my might. I love her more than anything on earth. But in a house where i live with my spouse, my mum should not stay permanently. This is because the wife should be the controller general of the house and not any other woman. And on the other hand, i cant stand my mum playing second fiddle to another woman. So i ISOLATE for longer periods and only may allow her to come on temporary basis. In that case, my wife will be well behaved and when my mum offends her, she can pretend because it is a temporary stay. With this, my wife would receive my anger if she messes up the plan of not pretending to what she does not like.
In other words, say no to permanance of inlaws. Talk to your hubby. If e get sense like me, e go reason am.
Poster 2
In as much as we try to give balanced advice, we have to be partial towards people that come to us. So let me create a bias towards you.
Now listen, in the world of dating and flogging girls, you only retain those who push for the relationship and give you less stress. This is a minimum condition, but not necessarily sufficient. You can pursue sex, but never pursue love and acceptance.
You don hear so?
On point,
DeleteOn point
Ogbeni how far? I seriously love n admire ur comments a lot. Always enlighthenly insightful, matured and apt. But pls can u change ur ID so some start taking u seriously. I look forward to ur comments esp on sensitive issues but d ID ehh....pls don't cuss me, I did this out of love. D F-word can be rephrased/replaced u hear since u like d sentence....try maybe "have"! Be good
DeleteOgbeni how far? I seriously love n admire ur comments a lot. Always enlighthenly insightful, matured and apt. But pls can u change ur ID so some start taking u seriously. I look forward to ur comments esp on sensitive issues but d ID ehh....pls don't cuss me, I did this out of love. D F-word can be rephrased/replaced u hear since u like d sentence....try maybe "have"! Be good
DeleteCorrect post Mr money makes blah blah blah. Lol! Thank you You have said it all.
DeletePumpkin
Guy, I am a guy like you and I like your analysis so much.. You for add in your advise to that poster two say his gf abi fiancée has another guy Na...
DeleteAs a men, we know what's up in such situation. He is just 27 and deeply in love ( nothing is wrong with falling in love) but as it is now, the fiancée has another guy and the posted should know this.
You go attend the SDK party??
DeleteWord#
DeleteVery good advice,am just here to read comment
DeleteHello,
DeleteI thought you promised to change this name?
It distracts me from some of your reasonable comments!
My guy, more grease to ur dick, may u never fuck wrinkled or dry pussy. Keep up with the tremendous advice, what can i say? Am a fan.
DeleteYou've spoken well jare,say no to permanance of inlaws.
DeleteYou made small sense 2day!
DeleteKeep it up
I always look forward to your comments on Narratives. 🙌
DeleteOga money mk are you married or just dwelling in ur supposed future?
DeleteMuuuuuuaaaaaaahhhh!!!!!
DeleteYou are blessed with wisdom!
Simple and concise!!!
Kizzez love!!!
Me like your comment jawe, on point
DeleteI always look out for your comment, its always hilarious and on point
DeleteGuy who dey always make sense. Spot on! Esp for poster 1.
DeleteYess spot on dear,u legit.
DeleteNna mehn..
ReplyDeletePoster 1,this your issue is very delicate...
Why can't she go to her daughters house??..
My dear,you have to use your head this time around...
I wonder why some mothers won't allow their sons to live in peace with their wives without interfering...
Poster,there's nothing you will do nau,you have to tolerate her and endure...
That's what we see in marriage...
Poster 2,
You don't have money that's why she is scared of ending up with you...
I am a woman and I know this...
Every relationship must not end up in marriage shikena!!..
Linda same thought eh @poster one. I feel for u poster walahi tiro ke? In 2015 and dos nasty aseje hainnn! I ve a feeling this won't end well plz ve a hrt to hrt talk wit ur DH bout the whole issue make him see reason y his mum staying permanently wit u guys won't work! My mum always says she can't spend more dan few weeks at any child's house! Even wen she retires. God will guide u through poster one! I can't take it myself few months is fine but permanently hell to da no. Poster two, I pray u find a comforter leave her to God. Its well with u.
DeletePoster 1...
ReplyDeleteDon't you dare stop that poor woman from coming to see her son and grandchild. You said she's a nice woman, so why are you soo bothered that she's coming?
Please allow her to come first, then wait and see what will happen, and about giving you and your child concoctions. You can always say a gentle, mild NO to her!! No biggie
Poster 2..
Bros it's time to visit her and find out what's really happening! Make out time and visit alright!!!
Did u just say she should dare not stop her????forget the nice nature..o,if you married u ll know that the best inlaw relationship is from a distance not a stay in inlaw.once she steps her foot in that house she won't leave.if u married u shud knw how far wit inlaws good or bad.
DeleteGentle no ke? Put yourself in the young woman's shoe. She doesn't know how long her MIL will stay, her husband changes whenever she is around etc. The daughter should have tol her mum to come stay with her and save you the headache. No matter how good you two are there's bound to be a clash with all you listed especially with the fact that you don't know the duration of her stay. Talk to your husband about it then if there is really no way out, just endure or what else is there to do?
DeletePoster 2 She is not that into you. Not anymore. You both should go your separate ways amicably.
@ Ammy bee ur advice to poster 1 is crap!
Delete@Blessing to answer your question, Yes I'm married so i know exactly "how it is with in laws". And I also know that it's not easy....
DeleteBut the both of you need to see it this way..... As you both are/will be mothers, can you how you'll feel or what you'll feel like if you found out that ur son's wife convinced your son not to let you come stay with them.... Just bcoz she's afraid that "you might give ur grandchild concoction or teach your grandchild your native dialect". I'm very sure you won't feel good at all..
She doesn't even know if her stay is Permanent cos she doesn't want her to come at all.... It's not fair
I'm not judging her, all I'm saying is that she should give the woman a chance!!
Did u read the part where she said her husband changes whenever her mom visits???..mtcheew
DeleteAmmy Bee, you have a good heart and people like you go far in life! Don't mind that evil Blessing and her ilk! Poster 2, remove the in law from the mother and see her as your mother! Talk to her the way you would your mother and problem solved! Patience ozokwor has finished naija women mentality sha! Ahan!
Delete#1...disaster is looming
ReplyDelete#2...she may not be dating anyone else but she's definitely getting someone's attention n her mind is swaying towards dat direction. It's probably a calm guy who doesn't or doesn't do somtin u do or don't...take heart my broda,ur babe is almost gone....I might be wrong though
U are right she is gone...talking from experience.
DeleteI will read comments. Laughed @ d best daughter- in- law see hype o
ReplyDeleteMy dear. P1 is about to enter one chance with her MIL
DeleteTHELMA ENEMUWE said...
ReplyDeletePoster1---your narrative left me speechless,married women,over to y'all...
Poster2---your babe is a joker,its so true that people don't value what they have till its gone..meanwhile,i'll suggest you give her a break and move on..
*faithful BV enemuwe thelma*
THELMA ENEMUWE said...
ReplyDeletePoster1---your narrative left me speechless,married women,over to y'all...
Poster2---your babe is a joker,its so true that people don't value what they have till its gone..meanwhile,i'll suggest you give her a break and move on..
*faithful BV enemuwe thelma*
ReplyDeletePoster 1: Jesus fix it
Poster 2: Jesus fix it
a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said..
ReplyDelete.
1. I swear for better or worse nobi small thing and i just dont knw what to tell yu. Ur hubby no dey try at all bcos this is something yu both gats to discuss..... Sorry ok...
.
.
2. Is obvious yu are very calm and ladies doesnt like that man, learn to scold her and tell her to her face she is fucking up and stop this gud boy thing abeg....
.
.
***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***
Poster 1, it would have been nice to casually ask your SIL if the stay was permanent. Nevertheless, the reason she feels at peace in your home is cos you looked the other way you should have nicely spoken out.
ReplyDeleteDo you pray? You can tell your hubby what your SIL has said and hear what he has to say. In any case aside the fact she is coming for omogo she should actually be with her daughter. I suspect they talked about it and for some reason she can't have her so quickly made arrangements with you, now you are in a fix. Pray and ask the Lord to resolve and sort this issue out for you.
You should present this matter to the Lord the way uou have presented it here and say all the things you can't share here. All the best and wishing you a safe delivery.
Poster 1..
ReplyDeletei dnt even know I'll come back
Poster 2..
it seems u r still immature at heart..do not let her take u for a fool..what do u think u r doin taht is causing it..u better wise up oo and stop killing ur ego..
do not marry her and I mean do not until u r sure shes good for u.thats all
P1, truth is you can never convince your husband not to let her number come and stay. She's is coming but I know she won't be there permanently. The only thing I want you to do and with a good attitude not betraying your emotions with anger or desperation is pester your husband to rent another apartment for her if you want peace. P2, so until she decides to stand you and your family up in church on your wedding day you will accept that she's not interested again abi? Please move on, she has but not yet ready to tell you
ReplyDeletePoster 1,i understand ur fears.Buh see eh.whatever u do,dont tell ur hubby u dont want His Mom to come.
ReplyDeleteand again,think about dis.wots good for d goose is good for d gander.if it was ur Mom Nko?
I know u wil say exactly,she isnt ma Mom.
Buh Relax.u are getting overly worried for nothing.and especially as u said ur Mom in law is Nice and u get along wit her.just do what u have bn doing.be Nice to her.be kind.Buh dont grovel.
My only concern is where u mentioned u and ur hubby have small issues wen she comes and ur hubby Starts acting macho.
Buh den,u dont have Any evidence Mama said anything to her son.
U need wisdom now.
u need to be calm.And free urself.
Some mom in-laws arent as bad as dose we read and hear about.i know dat for a fact.
As per dose stuff u wouldnt like to eat or do,kindly tell her no respectully,ok?
We get to tell our own mothers "no" to d tying of wrapper on ur tummies,d Painful hot bath and nni ji(pounded yam)
Just be calm.ok.dont act in advance.just be Nice and do d BesT u can for her.
Jisike nne.
and Happy delivery in advance.
Poster 2.are u side u didnt do.anything to nwa Sisi? Ha.dis one u are asking and she aint talking .Anyways,dunno Buh just watxh her for a while and if she aint Coming around,Nna,find ur way.
Sorry Boo.love hurts sometimes.Lol
Poster1 Stop giving excuses pls.Welcome ur mother in law in to ur home,she gave birth and trained the man u are married to.Is ur husband speech affected becos his mother does not know how to speak English?Becareful of the way u treat her.If she was ur mother,would u feel the way u are feeling right now? If u talk to her with smile and love on ur face and heart,she would respond in a loving way too.Be close to her and ur husband will love u more than ever. Poster2 Let her go.You should be happy that she told u the truth.
ReplyDeletePoster 1: honestly it will be very difficult to discuss such with your husband, i guess you have no choice, or better still, suggest to your husband in good manner than you rent a house for mama there in the village, sweet talk him into that, tell him u you guys will furnish it and make the house look good for her, while you fix that, she will only stay with you for a short period.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: no doubts she's tired of you, i am a womanl and i understand what she's doing, i have done i before, she might have met someone else or not, i didn't even meet anyone else before i left my ex, i just got so sick of him! you are still young sef my dear but God sha fix it
Poster 1,ur case hard. I Dnt like it if the stay is permanent.
ReplyDeletePoster 2,I think u shld find out,she cld be weighing the 'options' u know nothing about. Women!
Foolish mother inlaws! My mother inlaw doesn't stay more than a day or 2 but I dey hear am well n me self get her size. I go don cook down for her, she go say na ds or dat dey hungry her, dey misbehave n do irrational things. Please, speak out n don't let her stay for long, talk to ur hubby n agree or make she go her daughter house. The Lord is with u.
ReplyDeleteP2. She no love u again.
And that is how u will be a foolish mother in law to ur sons wife one day. Onye onu ojor! See d way u are addressing women who gave birth to d men u people are married to, anyways, any woman who is wicked to her MIL will also be treated wickedly by her daughter in law, it's simply karma. Better stop ur harsh attitude towards ur MIL cos ul become one in future.
DeletePoster 1.dont be scared of your mother in law,just allow her to come and stay.anytime she is ready to go fine.
ReplyDeleteLet her know to her face that you can't drink her concoction
Poster2.she might be seeing someone
Poster 1: All you need at a time like this, is patients and endurance.
ReplyDeletePoster2: your woman is seeing someone who is nicer than you. Right now she is in a cross road.
Ladies here hating on mother-in-law someday y'all will become one..
ReplyDeleteReading comments today, Stella where is that popcorn fa.
ReplyDeleteah in law matter is not easy o. Nigerian men don't understand. well except my own husband, we both agreed from the beginning -i handle my family, he handles his family. He will never put me in a position where I have to tell members of his family NO because when daughter in law say NO , nobody remembers all the yes wey she talk since.
ReplyDeletewhen I go to stay the weekend with my parents, I call before hand, pls o, spray the house, there must be fuel in the gen o. my children have never had malaria before. my father will abuse me and say no be for this house you grow but they will do it and nobody will be vexed. they understand I'm just trying to make my kids comfortable.
now when I go to spend weekend with in laws, will I start telling them to fleet their house? e go turn insult! and my hand no dey.
i know how me and my mother fought about what to feed baby, hiw to breastfeed etc. Thank God in laws were too far then beca use if you say please don't give my new born baby honey,it is dangerous, the will start with how they have been doing it for generations.
my advice, let mama come SMALL. treat her the best way possible for at least one month, let your husband be in charge of taking care of her so that the stress is on him. and hope he will get tired.
ps stop using the word Primitive. even modern medicine has 'primitive'origins. Tell mama 'hoha'you don't want them.
poster1, l dont see anything wrong in her coming to ur house,afterall l live with my mine,and l have learn to adapt to it,and now we are leaving happliy and she even likes me more than his son(my husband)and come to think it u dont even know if she is coming to stay or not.abeg take am easy,afterall your son go marry one day and u will have to be a motherinlaw,and l know u will not like your daugther lnlaw to treat like this.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 abeg give her sumtime lf she still in love with u,u will know.
#1 simply talk to your husband about it, ask him how long is she going to stay with you. make him understand that her staying should be rotated among his siblings too. So dont feel angry or sad over her coming, am sure if it were to be your own mother, all these complains wont be coming up.
ReplyDelete#2 sorry to say, your girl is definitely seeing another guy... she's already giving some other guy the green light and you....the red light. i think you should try and visit her unexpectedly...
Poster 1) all the reasons u have for not wanting her to stay, ask urself if it ur own mother that is coming to stay will u ask her not to. Think twice ur a mother urself u will grow old someday and u might need to stay close to one of ur kids. If she comes state everything clearly to her because if u say u don't want her to come the quarrel and dislike that will come with it ( between u and ur hubby n Oda family member) will not be nice at all. I set boundaries when my in-laws are around. Am ibo and my hubby is Yoruba. Whenever my in-laws are coming over to stay I try to cook what I know they like. I try to find balance. She can interchange the stay. Maybe 2months at ur place and another 2 months at the other siblings place before u know it her stay will be over. It's not always easy to accept odas but it's marriage so learn to tolerate her. God will help u. Safe delivery.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 take it to God in prayer God knows better.
ReplyDeleteP2 just chill k, make d bread
ReplyDeletePoster 1..... allow her come, tolerance is everything.. u re the woman n owner of the house as far as marriage is concerned, treat her the way u ll treat ur own mother. tell urself it's ur mom who needs a place to stay. So weda permanent or temporary pls allow her come....
ReplyDeletePoster 1
ReplyDeleteFind out what kind of problem she(your MIL) has in the village.I am sure she has caused problems there and she has choosed your hubby's house as her next.If its something your hubby can fix,I will advice you to talk to ur hubby to fix it,if not,tell ur hubby that you've been missing ur mum for a while now and you want her to come and spend some time with u.
Remember that in your present condition,you don't need stress from anyone let alone your MIL.
Goodluck!
@Poster 2
Give her some space.It seems she doesn't love you as much as you love her and she isn't sure if she wants to be your wife now.
Take it easy with her...but be prepared for the worse.
Chosen * not choosed*
DeletePoster 2; don't treat women like queens. Treat them like trash and they are allover you. Treat them like queen they treat you like a wimp!!!
ReplyDeleteI grab dis comment.u might be correct
Deleteanon 16.01 I apologize on behalf of d 1st woman who ruined it for you
DeleteNarrative 1 want do you want to hear? You can't stop your mother inlaw 4rm coming unless you want trouble. Just brace up ur self for what's to come,ask 4 Gods grace N try to be understanding(hope for the best N expect the worst)
ReplyDeleteNarrative 2,its probably bcuz of the distance or maybe there's someone new in the picture. You can only make it work if she's willing.
P1... Mother in-laws n their issues.. I wont b surprised if u turn out to be the worst daughter in law afta two weeks of ha stay! #pensive..
ReplyDeleteP2... U shud visit n snoop! U Neva can tell wat u will find.
I'll just read comment
ReplyDeletePoster 1, Firstly,what sort of issue does she have with the house sef, family house for that matter?I do understand your plight.Try using this method:''Mama will you be around till so so and so time?I have a wedding to attend (or some other function) and I would love for you to come along'' hahaha. whatever her response is will let you know if shes at yours for good or for a short while.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, just as Money makes you ... said, ''You can pursue sex, but never pursue love and acceptance''. The girl go see you finish. You sef go hate your self later,and may just regret why you took that step. Marriage is not courtship o!
RayJay
Poster 1, Firstly,what sort of issue does she have with the house sef, family house for that matter?I do understand your plight.Try using this method:''Mama will you be around till so so and so time?I have a wedding to attend (or some other function) and I would love for you to come along'' hahaha. whatever her response is will let you know if shes at yours for good or for a short while.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, just as Money makes you ... said, ''You can pursue sex, but never pursue love and acceptance''. The girl go see you finish. You sef go hate your self later,and may just regret why you took that step. Marriage is not courtship o!
RayJay
P1,dont tell her about any wedding,best dil,she will just assume you are so comfortable with her and that you wabt her to stay for long
DeleteGod said; I cannot b everywhere so I created mother.. and devil replied: I cannot b everywhere too so I created mother-in-law.. hahahahah
ReplyDelete1.allow her come first. You can also invite your mum over so they calm each other down when need be.
ReplyDelete2. I'm so proud of you. At your age you are ready to settle down. Not all these men in their 30s still jumping from girl to girl. Pay her a visit unexpectedly or invite her over and have a heart to heart talk with her.
You people should stop giving P1 rubbish advice. Which one is "Let MIL come first?" Don't let her come until u know for sure when she'd leave. Why does she want to come and add to the burden of P1? The MIL is married. Let her stay in her own home. W
DeleteHmmm poster 1 :is not advice able for mother in law to come and stay permanently oooo, d likeness would latter become dislike. I think you just have to check out for your DH lovely mood and ask him. It's well with you. Poster 2: I guess the distance has caused a lot pls and pls never beg for her love and attention probably find aa way you two can come together and discuss things out even if she's not saying anything u should be wise enough to see her body language. Jesus fix it all
ReplyDeletePoster 1: You have to be wise, don't bsay anything to anyone so they wouldn't say you said, my mum in law stayed with me for 7months after I had my son and we never had an issue because my answer to her was always yes mama. Whenever I had any issues I spoke to my husband and did whatever he advised. It took a toll on my ego but today I have the best relationship with her. It can never be forever, so be calm.
ReplyDeleteMagical
meanwhile what is wrong with your son learning mamas 'dialect'? how will it affect his speech?
ReplyDeleteThe world is slowly and steadily drawing close to ammargedon and the family is the worst hit and all seem to be happy. In the world today Africa and parts of Asia are the only remaining parts that still have some form if family cohesion. Believe me when I say that a good mother in law was a good daughter in law and vice versa. Trust me also that today's daughter inpaw would be tomorrow's mother in law. Now most( not all bit really few) aspiring wives already have a stereotyped premade mind about her relationship with her yet to be mother in law. The truth is women think theyare winning the battle to now be on charge of the home and are aided by weak men who are willing to condone only rubbish so that the woman will agree to open her legs at night. When women threaten unrest at home men succomb because they forget the a house on fire is accommodating both the woman and the man so whoever between the two that brings chaos would also suffer it.. Before am seen to be blabbing let me say that I only stand for justice from both husband and wife. So as it concerns poster one all I have to say is a good mother in law doesn't leave her husband to go and live permanently or even temporarily with children and a good daughter in law doesn't count how long a mother in law who has cogent reason to live with child. But both a good and bad mother in law is somebody's mother and if her staying alone would jeopardise her life daughter inlaw has no choice. Remember that you will be a mother in law tomorrow and no one knows how their ageing years would be. Not being close and appearing to be good is all pretence and packaging. The real show of goodness is shown when you stay with a person and properly manage her faults. Neither your mother no your mother in law is immunes from geriatrc tendencies. If you accept your mum's flaws but not your mum in law's then are you saying that you husband should embarrass you mother while condoning his. The key is always the man. If your husband is just he will always make sure that both you and his mother know your limits. The problem is always because women want to correct others but don't want to be corrected ad if they know it all. Anyone who doesn't want the input of an elder simply because such elder is the husband's parent should be prepared not to input in her son's life when she becomes a mother inlaw
ReplyDeleteposter 2: she may not be seeing anybody, but maybe you have not made enough money to take care of her needs. love at the end of the day is not totally enough, a level of security is needed. plus check who is advising her and get that person on you side.
ReplyDeletePoster 1 : your looking for advice to a problem that isn't there yet.
ReplyDeleteWhy not be patient ? When it becomes a problem ...we can then advice u with the evidence you would have tabled . None of us can see the future ,but it seems you can -you are already envisaging problems ...putting so much negativity into your home ...nne why?pls allow mama come and spend some time , when she has overstayed her welcome , u and hubby can then plan to push her to another sibling ...
On the case of herbs , stand ur ground !
Poster 2: in my own experience and previous relationships once I started entertaining another unilateral attention from some guy ...my feelings seemed to wane from the bf . In retrospect I realize it's because I was never truly in love ..just thought I was ...4 years is a long time , she could be bored , have started seeing someone else ,or falling out of love for you
Either way back pedal..don't rush into something either one of u is unsure about -marriage is a life long commitment . be well guided
Fix it for all
ReplyDeleteN1, Let your MIL come first before you complain! The woman has not even come and you are already preparing for war, What is wrong with y'all?
ReplyDeletePoster1,ur MIL coming to stay a while is not a problem at all,but in dis case,they saying she has problems in her former place and is coming to stay till further notice(and only God knows when)is scary.what happens to them getting her another place in d village?u said she has 5sons and these 5matured men cannot contribute to build dis woman a self contained in d village?there is something fishy about ur MIL living issues',d secret' is btw her and her children.u should find out,cos it's possible they just want their mother to live in their houses permanently for whatever reason,and maybe the other wives refused it and we're tagged wicked women.get close to the other wives in d family u will hear d truth...and u have to take a decision which is to stamp ur feet on the ground and insist u don't want the stay to exceed a particular time limit.if all ur inlaws like u in a marriage,den u are a bloody pretender,and guess what even they know u are only pretending.dont be a sad depressed woman all in a bid to please inlaws,cos that's wat I envisage for u if u let this decision to prevail.btw ur sis_in-law,isnt she in a better position to host her mother for the time being?she's a woman,and in control of her home,and even if she's single,d better!so what's all dese?....they just want to test ur nice_ness,be careful!and I know all d other wives in d family are watching u thru 3D and laffing' unto shebi u be nice gal,make we see'.
ReplyDeleteOne last thing,some MIL's are great pretenders,they will be forming they like u but behind u they are discrediting u.i also think mama might be that type of person for ur husband to turn all matcho when she's around.hmmm.
Poster 1 You don't need to worry......When she comes around just call her attention to the concoction issh and tell her your perspective about it in a peaceful manner like daughter to mother I pray she gets your stand on that, for the cooking issue my dear u need 2 ask her about what she wants to eat and tell her what u are cooking my dear I understand your condition but u really need to be careful she,if your child doesn't understand what she says that's not a problem u can assist to relate what she means to ur child and about hubby egocentric manner biko tell him your mind before MIL comes around and make him know how it affects ur relationship in a loving way and I pray all will be well
ReplyDeletePoster 2 Bros no two ways about this u need 2 take time out to visit her to know what's going on......which cold feet she dey get.....yeye it's eida she's getting the D regularly and confused or she's thinking about finances issh
Poster 2, I suspect your mum in law is coming because you had problems with your previous pregnancy. She is actually coming out of concern for you and the baby...that translates into plenty agbo for you. Can't you endure until you deliver safely and then her "house problems" will disappear mysteriously? If you can't, get your mum or respected family member to call her and offhandedly mention that agbo is a taboo in your family The caller should pretend not to know what's on ground...
ReplyDeletePoster 2, I suspect your mum in law is coming because you had problems with your previous pregnancy. She is actually coming out of concern for you and the baby...that translates into plenty agbo for you. Can't you endure until you deliver safely and then her "house problems" will disappear mysteriously? If you can't, get your mum or respected family member to call her and offhandedly mention that agbo is a taboo in your family The caller should pretend not to know what's on ground...
ReplyDeleteP1...You come off as a big people pleaser. Very dangerous life to lead. You are the loved DIL because you are a push over. Why would mama come and be forcing Agbo, etc down your throat...are you a child? The other DILs stand up for themselves so Mama does not like them. She likes you because you are a yes ma yes ma type of wife. That was your mistake. With inlaws, you seek respect first before being liked. That is the key to peaceful coexistence. Now when she comes, stop doing yes ma yes ma too much, you have a mouth, when she asks you to take something you dont want say no. Your children are YOUR CHILDREN. Not hers, she has had hers. She can't tiro anybody unless you allow it. Your issue here is you need to open your mouth more and when you start being your own woman, she might dislike you but she will adjust.
ReplyDeletePoster 1: it looks to me like you are pretending to be someone you are actually not in the bid to be the best daughter in law.
ReplyDeleteAs much as we put our best foot forward with our husbands families we must remain true to ourselves as the glass house you have put yourself is in peril of crashing.
Your husband holds the key to this, speak with him respectfully and with all honesty. That's my two cents
Poster 1, I also hav 5 brothers and am d only daughter hope u ar not 1 of my sisters inlaw cos if u ar then ur name is pelumi. How can u say my mother should not come to ur house u fool in short let me call Mumcy. She brings our family matter to d Internet abi? Ok u go see war now get ready for action
ReplyDeleteMadam, that you also have 5 brothers and you the only girl doesn't totally prove poster 1 is one of your sister inlaws. I would advice you calm down n don't cause unnecessary trouble please.
DeleteHahahahahahaha lekwa ha..
DeletePoster ikolu gokwa case here oo lmao
Smh....u can like to jump into conclusions. Have u ever heard of coincidence? And u want to start war when u're also a lady? I pity ur condition. Why can't ur mother stay with u if she's such a great woman. See her mouth like "let me call mumcy" mtscheww
DeletePoster 1- do to others what you want to be done unto you ,she is your mother inlaw and all what you have said she isnt a bad woman ,she has other sons but yet choose your home abeg stop creating problem where there is none ,be your self ,cook your normal food and let her cook what she wants or you can as well cook what she likes for her ,let her speak dialet to your son it doesnt change his english or whatever ,let her put tiro in his eyes if she wants after all his her grandson and she did same to her son before he became a man and married you ,treat her the same way you treat your mum it wont take away one hair from your body .
ReplyDeletePoster 2-your babe has a distraction somewhere better find out soon .
Poster2# ur girl has anoda suitor she's interested in or she doesn't find u suitable to b her husband. Dn't waste ur time. Poster1# find out if her stay is permanent. If it's not,find out the duration. Am quiet but hv learnt that sometimes being mute ain't beneficial. If she comes,treat her the way u would treat ur mom cos even ur mom has her own peculiarities. Stella,ur blog is educative,esp the chronicles. Hv learnt a lot. Mr money makes u fuck women witout stress or strain..too much fuck can cause ur prostate to hypertrophy
ReplyDeleteGuy abeg I de available 4 marriage!!! I go love u till death do us part. No just enter one chance with that babe oh....
ReplyDelete#HR Babe#
Mr fuckin women witout stress or strain wit money. If u like change the name or not,its ur Palavar,we all know it's true cos u wn't see women chasing after poor men. Like bees to honey,cash attracts them but there are exceptions,jst like every rule.
ReplyDeleteI bet all those advising poster one to let her MIL com stay with her will never llow it.truth be told,d relationship is already a disaster even bfore it starts,d poster raised some imprtnt points,no one is looking@I can nver allow my mum to stay with me,cos i know her mor dan anyone&i love her.we shld get dis rite,no relative is permited to stay with a couple,let alone the mothers,things can never go on smoothly!av u tot of d privacy of d couples?can d wife still work around her owse naked or half naked while d MIL or her own mother is there?cn s MIL stand d moans of their love making?i tell u dis re just few of d tins to consider wen bringing relations into ur home.be it ur own or inlaws..the Bible says for these course shall a man leave his father n his mother n cleave unto his wife&they two shall bcome one,therefore wat God has joined together let no man put asunder!re u saying God doesnt know why he asked d husband to leave his mother n father out of his marriage&start his own new chapter with his wife?mama has four sons&a dota,they shld all contribute money to get her another apartment,u pple seems to forget she has issue with her accomodation,most of u re telling her to ask if she is coming to stay permanently!have u heard of a MIL dat will come out straigth she is coming to stay permanently?hr children shld take turns to visit her with deir family on weekends of during hols,so she wont feel lonely,wat about her husband?my mother gave up on giving me #Agbo# when i threw d last one she gave me away!bcos am waiting on d LORD for children,am not against those who use it,but my own faith doesnt go with it!afterall i use to drink agbo before,now dey all know me with my faith!dey even advise anyone dat wants to not to waste his orher money.dats my own mother,she fougth me,she was very angry,but we got tru it,wat if it had been my MIL?pls poster dnt start wat u cannot finish..seek d face of the LORD,He will definitely guid u in making d rite decision.Poster 2,no commnt
ReplyDeleteQueen ethnic rain,
ReplyDeleteso out of the thousands of people who read this blog, you are the only who is an only daughter with 5 brothers. And you are going to call your mum. Nawaoooooo, if it's your mum that is been referred to by any chance, then you have just proved this young woman right about her fears.
What can you do except make her life miserable. But you won't be able to remove her skin. While you are at it, don't forget what goes around comes around.
P1: what advice do you want? You 've been pretending to retain the best daughter in law award so what do you want us to tell you? To throw her out? To think that a grown woman cannot tell her MIL nicely that she doesn't want to drink Agbo is beyond me. Until you stop pretending, any advice given will be a waste so good luck. Continue the eye service and may you all be happy. Amen.
ReplyDeleteSome men want to cheat and be given a medal because it's in their DNA and in their many heart chamber. Lol!!!
ReplyDeleteYet when their women cheat they are highly likely to become mentally deranged. The woman would be lucky if she escapes with her life.
Women who cheat dont make noise about it. Oh wait!! Are you sure that child is really yours???? Lmao.
Some men want to cheat and be given a medal because it's in their DNA and in their many heart chamber. Lol!!!
ReplyDeleteYet when their women cheat they are highly likely to become mentally deranged. The woman would be lucky if she escapes with her life.
Women who cheat dont make noise about it. Oh wait!! Are you sure that child is really yours???? Lmao.