Hmmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ADVICE NEEDED
Stella I need advice from your bvs.
Stella I need advice from your bvs.
I'm a lady of 34yrs, I got into a relationship with a man this year January who was once married but divorced. He proposed marriage at the first instant we met, I told him I need some time to think about it.
He's 45, has a 5yr old daughter from the previous marriage. He kept coming and promising marriage, I just kept my cool, we just chat and he sometimes drops me at my place of work. I finally agreed to date him.
Few months into the relationship I did a search on Facebook about him, I found a picture of him and another woman with a baby girl, I showed him what I saw and asked why he didn't tell me he was married. He apologized and told me he met her when his first marriage crashed and relocated to Nigeria. That they had issues so they separated. He's no longer married to her.
I asked him about the child, he told me he doesn't care that all he knows is that he only has one daughter. I kept mute and distanced myself for a while, he kept coming, pressurizing me, the relationship was just off and on till we partially got back together.
I just discovered I'm a few weeks gone, I told him and the only thing he wants me to do is to remove the pregnancy ,he said that he's not financially and emotionally ready right now. He said that after removing it,then we can start on a clean note according to him
I'm shattered completely on how to go about this. His siblings are based abroad and its the only sister that lives in Nigeria, he refused me to have access with her that she's his younger sister, and that it won't be right if I bring such matter to her.
Right now he doesn't care if I exist or not even in this condition,
He just abandoned me to my fate.
I'm dying
I'm scared of taking out this child
Suicidal thoughts runs through my mind every time and nothing excites me anymore
How do I solely raise a child?
I can't go to work with pregnancy
Please I'm broken already
You walked into this with your eyes WIDE OPEN!!!
I asked him about the child, he told me he doesn't care that all he knows is that he only has one daughter. I kept mute and distanced myself for a while, he kept coming, pressurizing me, the relationship was just off and on till we partially got back together.
I just discovered I'm a few weeks gone, I told him and the only thing he wants me to do is to remove the pregnancy ,he said that he's not financially and emotionally ready right now. He said that after removing it,then we can start on a clean note according to him
I'm shattered completely on how to go about this. His siblings are based abroad and its the only sister that lives in Nigeria, he refused me to have access with her that she's his younger sister, and that it won't be right if I bring such matter to her.
Right now he doesn't care if I exist or not even in this condition,
He just abandoned me to my fate.
I'm dying
I'm scared of taking out this child
Suicidal thoughts runs through my mind every time and nothing excites me anymore
How do I solely raise a child?
I can't go to work with pregnancy
Please I'm broken already
You walked into this with your eyes WIDE OPEN!!!
Well, you are an adult and should be able to raise a child on your own, please do not abort that pregnancy cos you already sound like you want to do it
For others who will read, please and please keep your relationships sex free, it saves so much headache.
ReplyDeletePoster, you need to find a way to contact his family members.
The guy done run am street. Simple.
DeleteContact his family members for what? @15:04
Did they help her fcuk him?
I said contact for what?
She is 34.
Not 13.
Not 24.
Not 30.
34.
At that age, if you are still waiting for common sense to be fed to you, you can never amount to anything in this life.
You said few months after you started your relationship is when you searched him on Facebook. Why didn't you do your investigative work before hand? Even with all the red flags you are seeing, 2 divorces, denying his own child etc, you still want to chook head?
Sorry to say, you dont have any sense sam sam.
So when you get the family member's number, what do you want do? They should force a 45 year old man who obviously only came to chop and clean mouth, to marry you??? Afi 'start on a clean note. Wetin do the note una start on before, dem use am mess? 'LEEEEMAOOOO.
The two both of you funny gannn.
Ladies, when you are dating a Nigerian man, apply sense.
What did I say say?
Apply sense.
If you know you were born with only cobwebs in your head, go and buy the sense. Or rent.
Dem no dey use 'Love is blind' to date Nigerian man.
Most of those motherfuckers can even reject their mother because of fcuk wey dem no even sabi do.
Stay smart.
PS: Congratulations in advance Mummy.
Even if she contacted the family,so?what will it changes?
DeleteNothing, that man is still married and just wanted a fling with her and with all what she narrated she knew,he was bad news from the start but she still allowed him use her..
So,this is ur cross,carry it with ur full chest.
Get a business or job and wait for the arrival of the little one.
When will all you ladies and girls learn that having sex pre-marital can have serious consequences and therefore should not be taken lightly. Here goes another one to bring in an innocent child into this world without careful planning. If you must have sex why do it without protection and even contraceptives to be doubly sure!! At your age, careless and unwanted conception is a big NO NO so I conclude that you got pregnant intentionally. You have no right to expect anything of the man because he never consented to your getting pregnant. Having sex and getting pregnant is, as I have always said, solely the woman's prerogative so now that you have the consequence you should face it alone. Please do not abort that child. Be responsible enough to stand by your decisions.
DeleteMrs Sharon,it is my opinion, you don't have to agree with it. The family is entitled to know there is a child that is their blood out there.
Delete15.43 is your husband the man in question abi why are you taking it so personally???? See epistle on top wetin?!!
DeleteAnon 15.43, calm the heck down! You don't have to agree biko, it's my view.
DeleteAnon 15:43, I raise hands 👐 👐 for you ooo, you finish work, 😂 😂
DeleteFollow God, carry the cross of Jesus, His yoke is easy and His burden is light, tell the Holy Spirit to help you because our flesh is weak. Follow God's word, -DO NOT FORNICATE. Is this command easy, no way but with the power of the Holy Spirit YES!!!. It saves us all both male and female from bigger burden like this. This strength is not by age, as the aging ones are more desperate and vulnerable, they tend to check less just focusing on the goal to marry and will do anything but pls try and stay focus. Poster you have committed fornication, will you commit murder again? Dust yourself and keep that life companion, may he/she be your delight from now to your old ages, may he/she be your comfort and bring you unimaginable joy, open doors in Jesus name.
Delete15:43 🙌🙌🙌🙌👏👏👏👏👏
DeleteMay the peace of God be with you as you make good decisions about the pregnancy.
DeleteAnon 15:43 you no get joy 😂😂😂😂😂
Delete15:43 why do you people do this?? Someone is down with suicidal thoughts and you're still bashing her!! If you don't have anything reasonable to say can't just move!! Nawa for una with perfect lives o
Delete@15:43, "This strength is not by age," you are right it is not by age. It's not by power or might but by my spirit, says the Lord. I am posters age mate so I understand. I am prayerful but whenever I meet any guy, I double my prayers cos the enemy is VERY cunny.
DeleteIf you keep the preg, na you go raise the kid. Can you work with preg, will they allow you? Are you ready?
DeleteYou saw the signs and decided to open legs like octopus. Close legs una no dey hear. See how a shameless married man screwed your brain.
May that man meets his match. Amen.
You see eh, it's always good to pray about this things.
DeleteTell your parents and pray for direction.
Safe delivery in advance.
Mom Ella 👌 Ask her now to publish the details of her life you would be amazed with its current state. Why kick a person already down? Anon, upon all your so-called smartness, just pray you don't jam.
DeleteYou will talk from now till eternity, somebody as we speak don carry belle for pesin wey no want am. Women you are always on the losing end when sex occurs, wear and tear, pregnancy, STDSs and STDs, labour pains, PTSD, permanent changes to your body, you will be the one to drop out of school, change jobs because if the shame, change location because of the mockery etc.
DeleteAnd yet see how you cheaply hand yourselves over to these pigs who only see you as cumbuckets.
Please treat yourselves with far more respect. Far more respect
How on earth will a 45 year old man (that is if that is even his real age) if he can lie about his marriage and deny his child, he can lie about everything) with 2 divorces and children from both marriages be an attractive option for you a single lady?
DeleteNa so dem dey kpokpo una.
16:32 Mba nu, I can never marry this lind of pig. Mama didnt raise no fool.
Delete18:27: No need projecting. If your own life is in chaos, fix that sht up. I wish you everything you wish me a million fold. We will all 'jam' one way or the other in life, the prayer is not to 'jam' what basic common sense could have avoided and involve an innocent life as well.
We will see how far your common sense will take you. Pls continue feeling fly on top common sense.
Delete19:34 LMAOOOO eyaaaah, keep watching since you have nothing else to do.
DeleteRemember, if you dont have: buy, rent or borrow so can handle rejections better.
Just continue. Nuff said.
DeleteAnd keep joblessly watching me soar. Periodt.
Delete#goandbuycommonsenseifyoudonthave
Why you dey fear now madam common sense? Hahahaha. You just started!!
DeleteSoar indeed, you will eat your words eventually. Type from today till tomorrow, won't change it.
DeleteAnon 15:34 is just a callous miserable piece of sh*t. Pls poster take heart. I don't agree with aborting the baby because at that age, anything pregnancy starts becoming high risk for many women. It depends on your desires if u want a baby, then keep it. You still have the right to find happiness with a good man even with a baby if u turn a new leaf and Make smarter decisions. You made a mistake. We all do. Still in my 20s and there is no age at which anyone doesn't make mistakes.
DeletePls ignore the judgemental idiots on this blog that act like they've never sinned most are frustrated like that idiot up there. Life health them a hard hand so they feel everyone must suffer accordingly
Life dealt them a hard hand rather.
Delete12.04 well said. That self confidence and common sense she thinks she has will disappoint her when she needs it the most.
DeleteOnly a few weeks gone. Go somewhere and terminate this pregnancy.
DeleteThe same way he doesn’t care about the daughter in the picture, is same way he wouldn’t care about yours.
Can you not see this is going no where?? He is trying to keep you away from his family ,talking about start on a clean slate.
Also, how are you even having unprotected sex . Oh Lord!!
The moment that man told u he didn't care about his own daughter, you should have run for ur dear life!!!
ReplyDeleteYou have already made ur mistake. Focus on ur pregnancy so that u deliver a healthy child and then start focusing on how you'd take care of her when she's here (dunno why I keep using 'her' for her).
That man is a deadbeat. Leave him to the misfortunes that await him.
Sis, pls forget that man and whatever anyone will say right now and have your baby. If you can find the family or that his sister, just let her know or inform the family about the pregnancy. He is a useless man, a 45 year old boy.
DeleteIt's not easy, but you will be fine.
I would have blamed you for so many reasons, but that will be heaping coal on fire. So, just go and take care of yourself and the baby.
Pls, keep that child he/she might just be your most pricey treasure in life.
All the best sis.
Sending you love & light.
Exactly.
DeleteThe signs were there, but you choose to forge ahead. Now the result don show.
I wish you the best.
Baba is married now
DeleteHis family probably lives abraod.
Most married know it's more expensive now to keep a side chic that know they are married.
So they look for mature ladies who won't ask for so much and who will be willing do more to sustain the relay when they think marriage is an option.
Dear ladies be as wise as a serpent.
He isn't financially ready bawo.
I don't know what to say.
Poster saw red flags but fell for what exactly?omo na wetin your eyes find you see.If you don't want that precious child bring him/her to me abeg!!!! Children come with special blessings.
DeleteEka is right, even he denied his other daughter, u should have known he is an arsehole, if u remove d pregnancy nd go back to him, he will treat u like trash , no be o my start on a clean slate , u will look after d child alone, he has other kids, so he won’t see your child as special
DeleteFrom the beginning of the chronicle, it was obvious the guy was playing you. If you had prayed about him before proceeding to dating him, God would have revealed his intentions to you. Since we are a woke generation that doesn't need the input of God, we will never stop experiencing things like this.
ReplyDeleteExcuse me ma, you are 34years old. See this as a blessing in disguise and have your baby since you have a job. If you are not comfortable, buy a wedding ring and start wearing it to work. Tell them it was a quiet wedding and the guy is based abroad. Buy the ring now before the pregnancy starts showing.
It's not just praying, also be willing to obey whatever God says. Most of us see prayer as asking God for something, but not willing to listen to what he has to say. And I am not even talking about hearing a special word but listening to what he has already said through his existing word (bible), top of which is to avoid premarital sex. I really feel for her cos I know how judgemental and gossipy the Nig society is. But dear cheer up and draw close to God for strength and comfort.
DeleteThis is sad. May God direct you. But do not commit suicide. Things will fall into place with time.
ReplyDeleteAmen
DeleteIf you are comfortable face your front nd know that the child is yours nd yours alone, if you have money of your own I don't see anything wrong in having your own child, if you kill yourself he might not even notice, so face yourself nd baby many years to come you will thank God that you didn't remove the baby
ReplyDeleteGod bless you 💯😘
DeleteMy empathy for your plight. NO need to be suicidal, brace up and face this challenge.
ReplyDeleteYou saw that he was married with a girl and he told you he does not care about his girl child and you went ahead to get pregnant for him?
How do you now want him to care about your own child when he has a history of "not caring for his kids" ("in diaspora?")
This is a call for you to get closer to God. Make Jesus who died for you your Lord and know what eternal life is. That Child in your womb he can work out for your good, only if you will love him like he loves you.
The man is married. He enjoys toying with women's emotions to boost his ego, a very wicked act though. I believe you are very naive, he broke up with the woman he met in Nigeria because she refused to abort. If you can keep the baby that will be great, the shame will only be temporary from ignorant minds. I hope the man is not a UK returnee? Some of them do that a lot. It's too late to blame you but the signs were glaring and I am sure your instinct would have also warned you. People are wiser now than the urge to get married at all cost. It is well with you.
ReplyDeleteNaive at 34??
DeleteAnon 16:13, naivety doesn't have anything to do with age. I have a 54yrs old single mither(divorcee) who men still use to play ping pong. If you try to advise her, she gets angry and saying she has met with one prophet or the other who told her this and that. Luckily, she has a daughter already so na siddon look I dey. You will always get embarrassed when they open their mouths to talk
DeleteAge is just a number.anyone fit run u street at any age especially if ur self concept is bad. All judginas just pray to never be in a state of mind that makes u make poor decisions.
Delete@Dayomi ur very right. Can't stand married men hitting on single girls for games or to test if they still have skills in toasting. Disgusting
Hmmm. What a story . Poster stay strong .taking out the child is not an option.
ReplyDeleteLong hiss!!!!
ReplyDeleteSo a man told you he doesn't care about his daughter and wife and you still went ahead with him? Carry your cross.
You people have started the usual,don't touch it,tomorrow when she comes to beg here same people will shame her,Aunty poster you're not a baby anymore,if you can gbensh without protection you should know how to take care of yourself,I have no pity for you, how can a man deceive you like a fool because you heard marriage,if you like listen to them here,you will suffer, unless you are financially stable,you better dump the man, and go do the needful.
DeleteYes we are shouting DONT TOUCH THE BABY!
DeleteWe know from life experiences that human life is sacred - A gift from Almighty God.
There are billionaires with access to all medical facilities who are still waiting on God for conception.
What if this child is the only child she is destined to have.
What if this child is the person destined to solve a major problem in Nigeria or be his/her generational leader or to turn the Poster's life around in due season. The fact he/she has come through this ignorant man should not terminate his/her life.
Above all, God says NO to the sheddng of blood.
Years ago, My younger sister was in your position. Today, her baby is a man who married this year. He is the apple of her eyes. Wait for it, along the line, it became necessary for her to remove her womb. If she had removed her child then. What would have been her thoughts today
Poster, you may face challenges. But I pray that God take and guide you through and make you remember with joy all those who have encouraged you today to keep your baby.
Poster so sorry for what you feel. Just know that countless women in this life have gone thru same situation as you. I need you to make the best decision for that foetus.
DeleteWoman up and don't turn out the light. Others overcame and so will you and become a stronger and better woman. Be ready to give the best to that growing foetus should you decide to keep it.
But if you know that you would not heal properly from this deceit and begin to blame the child please don't keep it.
No baby deserves to suffer in an already wicked and miserable world.
I love you. Aunt Stella if she wants to talk to someone I am volunteering to be all ears. I will check out tomorrow's spontaneous post for the poster's request for my contact.
Poster on a 2nd thought please if it is abortion I am afraid too. please I can't advise whether or not to do it. It's scary I can't just imagine it.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWOW! You went from distancing yourself to being few months gone. He didn’t even play you in this case, you played yourself.
DeleteYou saw the red flag 🚩
You played the piper.
Now, dance to the tune.
He told you he didn't care about his own daughter,and you still went ahead with him. He's a serial lover,and the handwriting was clear from the go. I will advice you keep the baby if you can,and forget about pursuing relationship with him.
ReplyDeleteIt's just unfortunate that you saw a serial baby daddy and continued to date him. He didn't want you to relate with his sister because, he has other baby mamas other than the two you know.
ReplyDeleteStop having premarital sex una no go hear. See the mess you've gotten yourself into. Maybe money made you to go back to him. If not, why on earth will you see someone with the kind of baggage he's carrying and still chook head? Na wa o! Women. No iota of respect for themselves. What did you think he was planning? Marriage? Lol. That man never had plans to marry you. Even if you abort today, he'll still not marry you.
Even a teenager would have known that that man is evil. Imagine him saying you should abort. The man get plenty children be that.
Well, my advice, keep the baby. Raise him alone. If the father helps, fine. If not, just bear it.
Please, do not kill; neither yourself not this child. Hell is real. Go and watch that video on Youtube "Woman dies on abortion table and goes to hell"
ReplyDeleteThis is the "life hazards" of a life lived outside of Christ; it is all Crises!
Distance yourself from this man and let Jesus into your life to be your Lord. You are hurt already and there is no need to hurt yourself again with guilt.
The guilt of killing a baby in your womb is the worst emotion a lady can have. And the consequences are dire and terrible.
Usually I tell my friends that even if fornication is not a sin (which of course it is), I still prefer a life of chastity in Christ. That is Peaceful
Delete16:05 as in the peace of mind is 'undescribable'. No unwanted pregnancy, no stds, no stis, no spiritual transference, no guilty conscience.
DeleteThey will laugh at you that you are not woke, that you prudish, that you no sabi.
Leave them to be committing abortion upon abortion for useless men who are hellbent in fornication with anything that moves.
While we stay in peace with our unwoke selves.
@16:05, thank you. Remember our ancestors were not Christians and did not know God, but still did not support everywhere and anyhow sex. They still wanted the order of marriage first, then children and families. So bad that any man who impregnated a woman was forced to marry her. Though their methods were crude, they still saw sex as something sacred.
Delete18.13 the anon is clearly a Christian, those are her values, kindly respect that. State your own ancestral values and let others be.
Delete@anon you are the one that did not understand my comment. I am agreeing with her, saying that sex is so sacred that various beliefs and religions uphold same values when it comes to sex, using African ancestors as example. Still looking for where I attacked her values. Pls comprehend as you read.
DeleteAfrican ancestors were chaste? Lmao!! Where???
DeleteThe signs were there. U ignored them. Birth your child whether he supports u or not. U will be fine
ReplyDeleteChai another one bites the dust! Poster please you need to own up to your own actions..Your chronicle was quite promising and like you knew what he was up to which all the signs were glaring but oh well you fell..You just fell for a *fuckman, Peter Pan** A man who does not want to grow up.
ReplyDeleteHowever you were armed with all the signs but you didn't protect yourself and now you have a baby...You share part of this responsibility..I will advise you to keep the baby, you are 34 years and old enough...Please don't abort the baby as he is a ray of HOPE...Suicide is never an option and what does he mean by ''aborting and then you can start afresh like a SLATE or TABULA RASSA with him....Please delete that man from your life he is not needed.
Kindly let your parents know, surround yourself with mature and encouraging friends and hand everything to God to help through this journey..Suicide should never be an option..If Nigeria is a functioning country, you can engage the services of a lawyer to visit the Ministry of Women Affairs but he has stated he does not want to be responsible so you can't force him.
Please and please don't bow to any pressure that you must marry him becos he impregnated you oh becos that will spell Disaster...Please speak to a counsellor to help you through this...Ehugs and all the best...
"Please and please don't bow to any pressure that you must marry him becos he impregnated you "
DeleteMy dear that man has NO plans to marry poster at all. He wants her back for more sex and nothing more. Someone that doesn't care for his existing chiold and is asking poster to abort the current one. Someone that is most likely married, or even if he is truly divorced, he is done with marriage. He can even engage her for the purpose of sex but will likely disappear on the wedding day..
The guy scammed u my sister, one of my ex has wedding band rings for man and woman and that’s what he uses to deceive women for marriage and he won’t marry, h will lie that he got the wrong ring size and keeps amending rings to the ladies size and won’t marry, note that he won’t look after the child o so if y will feel hatred towards the child , give the child to an orphanage
DeleteWomen who do us this kind thing. You saw a man that can throw a away his own child and you think yours will be different because you are what exactly. Please don't about baby just keep him or her and avoid committing another sin after fornicating.
ReplyDeleteTrouble dey sleep yanga go wake am. As Stella clearly said you walked into it with your eyes wide open, the signs were obvious, but it was your choice, so face the music, and please do not abort that innocent life, you might not have another.
ReplyDeleteHow could you go ahead with your eyes open when you saw that clue on fb????????????
ReplyDeleteDon't abort it sis. Just pray to God for a way out, i cannot fault u now, the deed is already done. U can only start preparing ur mind to be a mother or beg God sincerely to help u out. A friend was in this dilemma. Hers was that the guy's wedding is in one month time, and she just discovered she was preggers. She wanted to take her life but after much counselling, she gave her life to christ and handed over everything to him, and later she had a miscarriage. Dnt kill urself over this, hand it over to God. Surrender ur life to him, he knows the best things for u, u might end up getting married with this pregnancy to a well deserved fresh bobo. Just relax ok.
ReplyDeleteBeg God sincerely to help her put how???
DeleteAny sane human being will be very careful when dealing with a divorcee, not even when you realized he had another wife again and that one too is no longer with him and he never told you.
ReplyDeleteI can realize why sexually transmitted diseases will continue to increase because people don't even care about their health, having raw sex with anyone you meet without thorough screening, at your age, someone will think you will enter any relationship with your brain but you fall our hand.
Focus on your pregnancy, that man will never make a good husband or father, you're now one of the upcoming baby mama, accept it with full chest and focus on your health and baby
*Larry was here*
My dear, keep the baby.love,care and work hard for that child.i wish you the best of luck.
DeleteTonia
Abeg, which one be "raw sex"? Na like raw meat?
DeleteAt the point you found out he has another child is when you should have taken a walk. With what he is doing to you now, trust me he has other kids outside somewhere. Keep the baby please.
ReplyDeleteOloriburuku ni man yi sa...a laye baje ni papa! Very WICKED man! But sis you sef you no try ooo, you no try at all!
ReplyDeleteYou seem unintelligent! Somebody said he doesn't CARE about his child and you still went ahead and continued the stupid relationship with him? How come you didn't see the obvious handwriting on the wall? Or is it until he said "i just want to fuck you and leave you" before you see all the signs? Haba! I swear you no try!
Having the baby should be your decision and your decision only, you know how much your salary is so you should know if you will be able to cater for yourself and the baby, I won't tell you to ABORT or to LEAVE it...age is JUST but a number. Whatever decision you think is in your best interest do it, follow your heart.
And if you think if you ABORT it that the Oloriburuku of a man, say that he-GOAT will come back to you...my sister you are on a long thing ooo, that STUPID man don CHOP wetin he wan CHOP and he's no longer interested in you! So calm your nerves down, relax and take the bull by the horn.
Leave it, abort it is up to you...take care.
If she foolishly aborts and goes back to him, he will give her another belle nd run away , see how u sleep with a man without knowing his hiv status
Deleteif you like do abortion. you will be like me 53 no husband no child.
ReplyDeleteit is well ma'am
Delete@Favour 🤗🤗🤗
DeleteFeel so sorry for you dear. Just try and birth successfully and move on with your life. That man is a no go area. That's what he does and don't go back to him. A man who can't take responsibility but will be what responsible father's does. it is well with you poster. Please don't consider any abortions
ReplyDeleteThis is all time sad and i wish you all the best with whatever decision you eventually decide to take
ReplyDeleteDon't abort that baby please... you even knacked without condom!!
ReplyDeleteThat man is still married.
Don't abort that child please.
ReplyDeleteMan up or woman up in this case, wear your big girl pants and take responsibility.
It is well, hugssss to you.
You saw the hand writing clearly written but chose to ignore... God be with you.
ReplyDeleteNne na you do yourself oo
ReplyDeleteNa married man he be
The reason you told us that he kept begging and pressurizing you is so that we will not say you acted unwisely after you discovered he had a child and was playing you right? That a person pressurized you does not mean you should have given in. You were quite lonely and you needed a companion, own it!!!!!! You were unwise and reckless, ACCEPT IT!!!!! You didn't act responsibly as an adult. You are in your 30s and felt that this would have ended in marriage, you didn't care about his values, character and signs which he unabashedly showed you, you chose to close your eyes to them. Now, you are pregnant for an irresponsible man who does not care about you. You now have to make a decision about your future. There is no advice we will give you that will get you out of this situation, so start making peace with your situation. But I don't think you have learnt still, because you are still considering contacting his sister, to say what exactly to her??????? To ask her to persuade her brother to be responsible or to marry you? Still contact her shaaaa, she may give you her brother's full gist.
ReplyDeleteI just want to encourage you that God forgives us and can still make our future beautiful, so turn to Him for help, single mothers still get married.
The road no easy rara.ooo
ReplyDeleteTalk more of an irresponsible deadbeat sperm donor,think am ooo
Are you advocating abortion? Come out straight if you are.
DeleteIf I found myself single and pregnant at 34 yrs, I would definitely keep the pregnancy and have my child. I would rather live my life without a husband than without a child.
ReplyDeleteRead Favour's comment up there.
I have women in their mid fifties who had abortions when they were younger for a guy who ended up not marrying them. Some grew older, no husband was forthcoming;some got married but had no child. Some were lucky because they got both husband and kids because God was merciful to them.
You don't know the category you will fall into.
A time could come in future when you will look back and wish you had made a better choice.
Pls keep the baby, the road will be rough but you will surely get to your destination.
Your child is your child; a man belongs to everybody except the few sane ones.
I will never choose a man over a child or foetus sef
You allowed desperation to set in because of your age,and this is the result. Keep your baby and inform your family.
ReplyDeleteBut how do ladies feel free to have sex with someone you don't know their health history?
I can’t even believe that u were lucky enough to find out about his kids and the women he has bin involved with and u stil involved urself in this mess!!! Jeez!! Now if u involve his family members what will they do for u,tell u to keep the baby,or tell u to abort it??? Will that make him change his attitude towards u,How does an adult get into such mess after u were privy to such information about him earlier? Now he is telling u to abort and start on a clean slate as if u are a baby.nonsense!!
ReplyDeleteI am so so Angry with,at You.
ReplyDeleteComon Girl,What did you expect Sleeping with a Man without protective.
For the Love of God You should accept the Consequences of your Action.
It is so unfortunate that you really saw the signs but still went ahead with the relationship.
ReplyDeleteNow the the deed has been done!!
I can't advise you to abort the baby.
So please do yourself a favor by forgetting that deadbeat of a man from your life.Concentrate all your energy on the baby and yourself .
I pray for God strength for you both physically and mentally.
Make sure you contact any of his family member that you know by all means, like the sister you mentioned. Reason is for future purpose in case he denies it, at least there will be a witness.
ReplyDeleteGive birth to your child, and love him/her with all your hearts whether he is ready to be responsible or not.
Please do not abort your pregnancy. Take responsibility for your actions, the man wanted to marry you from day 1,why didn’t you marry him and if you didn’t, why commit the sin of pre marital sex with him without protection sef, please do not increase your sin by aborting the pregnancy. The word of God is true, if only we know the consequences of disobeying God, we will flee from sin. Ask God to forgive you and change for good. I’m sure you have learnt your lesson in a hard way. All the best.
ReplyDeleteNow it’ll even take you longer time to settle down and get married to your own man. See how you foolishly delayed your marriage with your own hands. Because after baby, your priority will be on the baby and not out there looking for a relationship immediately after birth. I’m so so angry at you. At 34 years old!! Haba!!!! Common lady!! I can understand if you’re in your early 20’s. So question is, what are you going to do? Are you even emotionally ready to care for this child?? And you much love that child o. You must ni after you birth him or her. Don’t put your own frustration on that innocent child who was not asked to be born. Hope you’ve saved up and you have enough support around you because it’s not easy raising a child. You need that emotional support so you won’t go through postpartum depression. You’re already feeling down so you can imagine pregnancy hormones. I really really wish you the best as this could have been avoided. Goodluck and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteThat man is still very much married. He abandoned that second woman and her child because she was in Same predicament as you. She chose to keep the baby hence he ghosted her. You have made mistakes. How many more mistakes will you make to remedy the ones you did before? My Aunt did an abortion in her younger years, she is in her 40s now,without any kids. She still regards it as the biggest mistake of her life. That may not be your case but you must think carefully of the choices before you. You may feel a sense of shame as you cannot go to work, pregnant and unwed. You are not the first unwed and pregnant lady. Quite a lot of women have been in your shoes and made it work. I am not saying it will be an easy Road. Some had to quit their jobs. You can also take it out and proceed on 'a clean slate'. In the end, it is you who must deal with choices. I hope you make the right one. The one you can live with. All the best.
ReplyDeletePoster, e hugs. It is well. Draw close to God, soak yourself in his word and birth this child. He will give you strength and hope, you will be alright.
ReplyDeleteBut for the single, pls let us learn:
1. Men want sex. Women want love/commitment/marriage. This is what the two genders desire from each other, but it is also their weak point.
Men will therefore promise commitment/marriage in order to get sex, even when they don't mean it. Women will therefore fall for empty words and give sex or even money in order to get marriage, and sometimes lose out to deceptive men. That is why till tomorrow, rich older women fall for yahoo boy scams and send them money. That desire for love and commitment is there, a natural weak point. And men, even those in authority will give away their kingdom for sex/woman..eg Samson, King David, Bill Clinton. Weak point.
2. So as a woman, whenever you hear marriage, don't get emotional immediately. Be on guard. It may be empty words.
3. Men have the power of commitment/marriage. It is a man that will say whether marriage will happen. Men know this is their strength and they wield it well. Women too have the power over sex in a relationship. It is a woman that will say whether sex will happen or not. Unfortunately women are now giving the sex freely, and men are not giving commitment, leading to less marriages.
4. You see God's command to avoid sexual immorality is very beneficial to us all, especially women. If men are not getting sex, they will get married and stay married by force. If all women lock up, more marriages will happen and will be faithful.
5. When people have sex/disobey, the woman bears much of the physical consequences (pregnancy, single mother, mockery etc) so that is why YOU were given the power over sex. Don't give in cos of words, or money or gifts or promises. In fact it is even something you can use to screen out evil men. Stand your ground, say you are saving sex for marriage and watch them flee once they see you are resolved. Men with bad intentions will go, while those that have good intentions will stay.
6. Remain prayerful.
Please do your best to stop the suicidal thoughts. You are pregnant not a criminal, you have not done anyone any harm. There is no shame in being pregnant.
ReplyDeleteYou did not say if you are already a mother, it does not sound like it. At your age this is the time when you have the best chance of still having a healthy child, as the older you get the more likely it becomes to have a child with a disability, and also fertility goes down. If you work can be done remotely then put the suggestion to your boss from now that yu would like a remote placement.
Sit and work out your finances to see how you can add a child into the mix. Perhaps things are not as bleak as you make them seem. There is no perfect time to have a child, you just have your child and adjust to it. When my sister got pregnant right after giving birth to her first child I was not so thrilled about it, because her relationship with the father was topsy turvy. But low and behold that child is my champion today and tell me about 100 times a day how she loves me, imagine if my sister had chosen to terminate the pregnancy, I would never had experienced such love. She is a wonderful addition to the family, now five years old. So think long and hard before you do anything drastic. Talk to your mother if she is someone approachable. If not, speak to a trusted aunt or older woman you respect sometimes ppl love you more than you know and will help you to get a smooth passage through life.
This man is a great deceiver. Get him out of your life asap!!!! Do not entertain him for one second more. See how you can do this on your own. Go around to charities and places that help mothers who are low income and see what can be done for you. If you go and find out what is possible from now you will be in a better position to feel more comfortable to think of pursuing motherhood. I am and will always be pro-choice, so if it cannot work at all in anyway and the only way out for you is to terminate the pregnancy then do so. But whatever you choose whether to keep the baby or to terminate, get rid of that man and do not entertain him in your life any longer.
This is one of the aftermath of having sex outside wedlock, and besides, the signs were there but you choose to ignore. He is not even responsible to start with, only an irresponsible man will tell a Lady to kill an innocent soul. Auntie, don't even think of harming that innocent baby.
ReplyDeleteYou're the architect of your....... Make I no just talk wetin I wan talk because this chronicle dey vex me. When they tell you people to abstain from sex, you will say our mouth is smelling.
You that is talking, I hope you abstain as well?
DeletePlease do not abort your baby,God will make a way for you and your precious baby will bring you Joy and so much happiness. Please suicide is not an
ReplyDeleteoption.
This life ehn it's good to have patience i know its cos he talked about marriage with you that's y you got pregnant. You dont know if God was already sending a man your way who will wife you and you both raise a loving family.
ReplyDeleteNow you have missed it, well the deed has already been done my advice for you is to calm down biko, seek the face of God and ask for forgiveness he will never let you down. Keep your baby he or her is definitely a great blessing you might not see now but you will later
Baby's are expensive but i am sure you will pull through. Pls takia of yourself and the baby it's well.God got you 100%
Poster am very sorry for all the pains you're going through right now,just take it as a will of God,he said in every situations we should give thanks to him,don't abort that innocent baby God has place in your womb,if I were i n your shoe I will do the same because I know it won't be easy taking care of child a had not plan for,am happy you're working just ask God to take control.....am not a saint so am not to criticized you over your mistake.be strong
ReplyDeleteHow is this will of God when God himself is against what she did which is premarital sex. Some of you folks just talk without really thinking. Your comment is irritating.
DeletePoster am very sorry for all the pains you're going through right now,just take it as a will of God,he said in every situations we should give thanks to him,don't abort that innocent baby God has place in your womb,if I were i n your shoe I will do the same because I know it won't be easy taking care of child a had not plan for,am happy you're working just ask God to take control.....am not a saint so am not to criticized you over your mistake.be strong
ReplyDeleteit's not the will of God please. Engaging in premarital sex is not God's word.
DeleteDear poster i have been there i know what you are feeling.Mine is that i already have my baby before he abounded us but am just happy with my life and my baby.
ReplyDeleteJust give birth and love your baby dont even allow him come close to you people.
Block him and everything about him.
You will see someone that loves you will come by.
At your age abortion is not an option please
You are not young anymore.
That baby might be your only child please keep him.
34 is not 24
Close your ears and eyes to gossip look for your best friend that can be supportive and stick with her.
All the best my love.
The child will still grow up looking for his biological father. That’s why some people have daddy issues and looking for love in the wrong places. Let’s us do better women!! Especially for the sake of the child and not solely for your selfish reasons. The child deserves to know his or her father!
DeleteThe disadvantages of premarital sex certainly outweigh the advantages. Poster what is done is done. Brace up to fend your child.
ReplyDeletePlease abort the child,it is difficult to have a baby for a man who doesn't want it.Go to a very good hospital and let them do d&C for you,a specialist hospital.Don't mind dvs here telling you to keep it.The pyschological effect is very traumatic.Take the bold step now that you can.Poster please take this advice before you become a single mom.Think about the child you wanna bring into this world in the midst of all this chaos.When a man tells you he doesn't want a pregnancy,ladies please do not keep it.A man should be happy with his woman got pregnant for him,not thiz way.Abort it and learn from this.You will meet a single man who will be very happy when you get pregnant for him.
ReplyDeleteI hope you get to see my comment. My mum was 18 years old when she was pregnant with me. But because she was young and 'dad'did not want to accept the pregnancy she wanted to abort. Fortunately, the abortion attempts were unsuccessful. Years later, mum had other kids, but the would die below the age of 5. And I the child she wanted to abort remain her only child. She says I am a blessing to her, coz without me, her life would have been miserable. I liked the words, the one up there said about this child been your comforter in the future/ old age, please be encouraged and strengthened by her words. Do not abort. Be brave. A child is a blessing from above. My mum is happy, she is an grand ma to 2 kids, I am hoping to have 1 or 2 more by God's grace. She spoils her grandkids from time to time... I am 36 years old.
ReplyDeleteI hope you get to see my comment. My mum was 18 years old when she was pregnant with me. But because she was young and 'dad'did not want to accept the pregnancy she wanted to abort. Fortunately, the abortion attempts were unsuccessful. Years later, mum had other kids, but the would die below the age of 5. And I the child she wanted to abort remain her only child. She says I am a blessing to her, coz without me, her life would have been miserable. I liked the words, the one up there said about this child been your comforter in the future/ old age, please be encouraged and strengthened by her words. Do not abort. Be brave. A child is a blessing from above. My mum is happy, she is an grand ma to 2 kids, I am hoping to have 1 or 2 more by God's grace. She spoils her grandkids from time to time... I am 36 years old now.
ReplyDeleteThe deed is already done.
ReplyDeletePlease just start preparing to have your baby. Start building your finances and save up.
Other ladies learn from this.
Find a women’s support group around your neighborhood/town. This will help you tremendously during this time. Or find a counselor/therapist or someone close you can talk to. A child definitely deserves to have a father in his or her life. This is why some folks have daddy issues. I’m just so sad you chose the wrong man for your child. Women should always think about the future of the kids as well not only for their own selfish interest. This baby will grow up and start asking questions, looking for his or her dad whether you like it or not. I’m sad you allowed desperation get a hold of you because you’re 34. Keep this baby please. At 34, you should be emotionally mature to handle a child same way you handled sex. Reach out to your family and friends for support. You need a strong support system to avoid any suicidal ideation. Goodluck
ReplyDeleteChoices have consequences. The deed is done. Brave up. Don't terminate that pregnancy. Perish that suicidal ideation.
ReplyDelete