STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
TIPS ON HOW TO COPE WITH MODERN DAY MEN
Can we talk about the modern day dating: Guys do not find fun asking their lady(ies) out properly, before inviting them over to their house(how did we get here? una no dey fear thieves and ghost).
On one of the popular dating site, a guy and I started chatting and he asked we move on the WhatsApp after few hours of talking on the app.
We talked briefly that day(monday), and he asked we meet later in the day which i turned down, as i find it quite difficult meeting someone i hardly know just few hours of talking.
On one of the popular dating site, a guy and I started chatting and he asked we move on the WhatsApp after few hours of talking on the app.
We talked briefly that day(monday), and he asked we meet later in the day which i turned down, as i find it quite difficult meeting someone i hardly know just few hours of talking.
Next day, we chatted again and he asked we meet which i turned down again and i stated weekend as the best time we can meet.
I realized this guy won't reach out until i do so after i stated weekend as the meeting time. Weekend came, he reached out via chat then called on video call, i didn't pick the video call then i called back via WhatsApp audio call, he didn't pick the call too stating he was on a long call.
Uncle did not return the call nor chat me till the end of the day, only to call me around to 8(Saturday night) saying i should come to his house, i said for what, how? (cos i don't understand). He later said, he was joking as he wasn't in his house either but we should meet at Ikeja, i told him 8pm is late for me to leave my house, he asked if i was mobile too, i replied no. He claimed he would reschedule the meeting to Sunday since Saturday wasn't okay. I haven't heard from him since then.
I need tips, how do i cope with the modern guys? These are my stand:
-I can't pick video call of someone i barely know
-i can't visit someone i barely know in their house neither will they come to mine
-Trust me, when i say i will never overshare my personal life with my talking stage.
All i want is someone who is responsible and genuine in words and action, God abeg....
I need tips, how do i cope with the modern guys? These are my stand:
-I can't pick video call of someone i barely know
-i can't visit someone i barely know in their house neither will they come to mine
-Trust me, when i say i will never overshare my personal life with my talking stage.
All i want is someone who is responsible and genuine in words and action, God abeg....
You dont need tips to cope with the modern day man, all you to be is, be spontaneous..I bet you were not the only one that he was talking to......but be careful cos most yahoo boys now look for their victims on dating sites.
You're too rigid loosen up have fun
ReplyDeleteAnon sit your silly ass down..she is not a loose person like you
DeletePlease, tell me how to loosen up?
DeleteSome of you here are not intelligent how much more being wise. How is she rigid? Your cocoa nut head did not tell you the man is in a relationship and is less committed to her? Or are you saying she should have gone to his house by 8 pm? Na to have fun make dem dey use people for ritual. Have sense as you have fun. You wey loosen up, how far with your life? I guess your body count is in the 3 digits. Abegi
DeletePoster, take your time. There's no manual for this
Obey your instincts and don't try to over do yourself.
I sight you, you are one of the Modern Day Men she is talking about ….
DeleteNo she's not...
DeleteShe's right on track...
Mrs Sharon
Do you know the man she has benn talking to?
DeleteCan you guarantee her safety if she agrees to meet the man?
@Poster
Pray and seek direction from God..
How is she too rigid mumu? Na una go dey tell girls say dem dey lose, this babe is trying to be careful and you are here talking like your ancestors.
DeletePoster there's nothing wrong with you,better to be safe than sorry..Trust your instinct and don't compromise your safety..meet in public places only..a lot is happening now!
DeletePoster don't listen to all this frustrated amusu giving you advice that led them into bitter singles loosen up !!!
DeleteSideline him
DeleteRed flag
Na this kind dey keep malice wella.
So glad men are now waking up. Calling modern men out as if the whole thing did not start from modern women that want all the advantages of being a wife at talking stage. As you women are looking to take advantage of men, men are also looking for a way to take advantage of you. The question is let's wait and see who the greater loser is. Enjoy...
DeleteMy dear, be rigid in peace. The world isn't as we know it. Keep to your standards, the right person will eventually come your way. May God grant your heart desires.
DeleteNo, she's not.
ReplyDeleteYou can arrange to meet up in a public place for the 1st, 2nd and 3rd dates. Then also do your own private checks based on the things he told you. That would help you decide what next to do.
ReplyDeletePlease be very careful. Best wishes.
Thank you for this chronicle.
ReplyDeletePlease I will add more question.
1. What is talking stage and how does one know they are in one?
2. Am I supposed to be friends with a guy before moving to talking stage?
3. If a guy constantly calls me for months consistently without saying anything about liking me, but wanting to know more and seeming very interested in knowing deep things about me what does this mean?
The People that got married before this era don't know what the Lord has done for them.
Welldone SDK 🙌
😃 😀 no3. Is talking stage. Don't talk too much. Listen more and ask questions. Also don't let a talking stage last for too long. 2 months is okay else he looses interest and use you as a place holder. Has he asked you on a date couple of times? How do you find him? Do you like him? If your answers are yes; next time he asks you questions. Tell him you want to know where all the questions are leading to. If he says to know you better, tell ask him why. He should be able to tell you otherwise, stop answering his questions and stop picking all of his calls. Stop being too available. Let him chase you properly.
DeleteHe hasn't said anything yet? Well, it's still talking stage even though he doesn't want to be too forward. He doesn't want to be too forward about relationship for now until he studies you compatibility with him and is satisfied that you are are of a good match. Don't put much hope in him, when another guy asks you out let him know , then observe his reaction afterwards.
DeleteI have always wanted to ask this question; I said I should try dating again only to meet guys who barely know me and vice versa wanting to bed me right away; it is scary, I swear.
ReplyDeletePoster.... what's wrong with a video call...? Or meeting quickly in person after talking online?
ReplyDeleteAt least that way you and he can both see if the pictures you have shared are genuine. please do not be too rigid with getting to know someone.
What difference does it make how long you've known before meeting each other physically?
If you had met each other in a shop rather than online - it wouldnt matter that you do not know each other.
Please approach online dating with a free mind. Meet quickly if you can or video call fast!
No late night meet ups or going to each other's house. But seeing each other quick to know if there is a true connection is a must!
The guy may also think you're a catfish or scammer cause of how difficult you are making for him to see you or meet in person!
Well said .
DeleteWell said.
DeleteI met my husband on a BB app then, we arranged a meeting at MamaCas the next day, then medical tests in a govt hospital the following day, met a member of his family by the end of that same week. By day 9, I got the engagement ring, then a visit to my parents. Exactly 3months after, introduction, 3months marriage course followed, then trad, court, and white wedding 3months after.
Over 12yrs later, and 4kids, We're still dating each other today. Sister be open, safe and sensitive in the spirit.
Pwetie
I like your sense of reasoning, thumps up to you.
DeleteYou are not rigid and you don't have to be spontaneous. You don't have to compromise on how you really want to be courted nor how you really feel inside. Treat each individual you meet as a candidate that has to pass and tick your boxes. Don't rush into anything. If you rush in, you might rush out. Be nice, be gentle but be firm on your values and principles. You do not need everybody just one person who you are compatible with so until that person finds you, do not feel guilty turning down others.
ReplyDeleteYou did well by turning that guy down on his demands. Meeting him in 24 hours is a no no, you have to evaluate him well before meeting him. I agree too that, don't visit them at home and don't let them in your house until you know them well.
Na users always act like the guy you described up there. Bear in mind that he must gbensh you on the first day of meeting. That's how such kind of guys behave. You can go if you don't care about celibacy though.
ReplyDelete@15:03, yeah loosen up, have fun, f***ck around, catch STIs, have babies without fathers, populate the earth(sic)...
ReplyDeleteThank you for this chronicle.
ReplyDeletePlease I will add more questions.
1. What is talking stage and how does one know they are in one?
2. Am I supposed to be friends with a guy before moving to talking stage?
3. If a guy constantly calls me for months consistently without saying anything about liking me, but wanting to know more and seeming very interested in knowing deep things about me what does this mean?
The People that got married before this era don't know what the Lord has done for them.
Welldone SDK 🙌
Months is too long Abeg
Deleteyou should try and be friendly, not everything is come to my house and pant will go down. You can have a date in an eatery or an open bar. Just follow him little by little, he may also be afriad of new person just dey way you are.
ReplyDeleteHe is afraid and inviting her to his house? Dey play.
DeletePoster, for your own good don't listen to this.
Thank God for this poster! It shows they are still some people with self-dignity.
ReplyDeleteSis, you’re asking for the bare minimum. Don’t listen to all the noise of being too rigid. God forbid something happens to you while visiting someone’s house, these are the same people that will trash you.
ReplyDeleteKeep trusting God most importantly and yes, do not lower your standards on these things. It doesn’t make you less fun to not want to go to a stranger’s house. I met my husband on a dating site and we went for quite a number of outdoor, neutral places dates before we even visits each other’s houses.
I will like to know more about how you navigated the early stages from the first contact on the app to the time when you guys met physically. Kindly send in your story if you don't mind sharing please!
DeletePCX
He’s just trying his luck
ReplyDeleteMove on
If you agreed to go to his house he will be happy and from there his luck to have sec with you
God will guide your steps in Jesus name ,you have not done anything wrong
ReplyDeleteAmen....thank u and u too
DeleteHe is just trying his luck, he might have a serious relationship
ReplyDeleteSharaaapp pls
DeletePoster, you are my kind of person. They tell me I am "difficult and rigid" because of this very same reason... You know what? You are on the right track! Please, don't listen to the: "loosen up, and have fun"... That's a subtle way of telling you to live a reckless lifestyle...
ReplyDeleteRule #1. Never meet a stranger in a private place
ReplyDeleteRule #2. ps read rule #1
Rule #3. ps go to rule #1
The modern dating pool can feel like a circus - full of vanishing acts, fast talkers, fast expectations, and people who confuse access with connection. Like a murky lagoon, with everyone diving in without checking for leeches. Don’t flinch. You’re not the problem. What they call “rigid” is what elders once praised as discernment - which is actually clarity. It's not as if you're even asking for the undeliverable or a miracle, just decency and deliberate pursuit - for common sense.
ReplyDeleteThat man wasn’t interested in courting you, he was scheduling convenience. By hiding his unseriousness behind urgency, thinking a video call or “come to my house” is a rite of passage. If someone wants to truly know you, like you are willing to, they will honour your boundaries, not ghost you till Saturday night and serve last-minute crumbs. This has nothing to do with you being hard to get laid; it's about being hard to use. Don’t let loneliness make you fold your values like cheap Ankara.
You’re not ice, so don’t melt under pressure. Neither should you shrink your standards to fit into someone else’s laziness. Love in this era needs tough discernment, with eyes wide open, heart firmly in your chest, not on your sleeve. Guard your peace like a vault. Let only the patient ones with real keys try. You are a soil rich enough to plant a future in, not a driveway for strangers to park their whims. Let this one pass. If he wanted you, he would’ve come correct. Keep your peace lit. The right one will honour your pace, not guilt-trip your boundaries.
Please POSTER you are on track. People are so used to rubbish these days that having a sense of decorum and self respect is seen as rigid.
ReplyDeleteHow dare he say you come out from your house by 8pm without coming to pick you personally. Even at that it is risky because you have never met him physically before.
Abeg o. I applaud you for refusing that video call. However me i met a guy, after talking for a few days he flew down to my state to see me physically first before we started doing video call on my terms.
This is a very good way to filter rubbish from your life. Keep up the good work.
Good counsel-NO to 8pm on a first date considering the level of insecurity this days, unfortunately, not everyone's relationship will follow this pattern of flight and traditional getting together first before video calls. If I am honest, only one out of all the guys I dated ever did anything close to this. The idea that relationship connections is now through dating apps tells you what the current trend is and one has to move with it.
DeletePCX
When the right person comes along, it would just be easy and flow. If he doesn't call again, please ignore him
ReplyDeleteI agree with your views, he made several requests and she was unintentionally declining them so he might have felt that this is not the right person.
DeleteEven if it doesn't work out, you don't have to ignore them, subtly ask for feedback (if he's a sensible person sha), he might mention something that you can then work on before your next relationship.
Btw I thought that If he's not calling it means he's already ignoring you, I would think one will have to accept the reality and keep it moving.
PCX
Dear Anon, there's no right or wrong way to date modern men.
ReplyDeleteSee it as a journey to a specific destination with several co-travelers who may drop off at their stop and only one gets to your bus stop. Try to enjoy the ride, remove your emotions as much as possible until you are sure it's the same destination.
Back to your experience, you described your hesitation at the speed of meeting yourselves. Some people may have had bad experience with time wasters in the past hence their need to move quickly to physical meet and greet.
Understandably you turned down his first request to meet, but you now turned down several other requests? Haba! Talking stage giving guys plenty huddle will be interpreted that the person is a potential 'trouble'
Yes you have your fears, he has his also-fake profile, photoshopped pictures etc. How you decline requests matters and what you do to make up is very much important.
Either you start having some faith or leave this online biz of dating.
Here's my advice:
Use your feminine charm, flip the script and invite him instead to your preferred location.
Be a bit vulnerable and tell him some fears you have, You can tell him a story of how someone close to you got missing after going to see a stranger, offer to pay his Uber fare, persist that you're expecting his visit on the weekend, maybe meat pie and malt(tongue in cheek, make him feel you really want to see him)
If he doesn't bite, get one of your friends, sister, cousin to accompany you to a central location where you guys can meet.
Best wishes
PCX
Do not offer to pay his uber!! Don't start what you can't finish. If you start like that, a childish man won't take you serious and will always demand money from you.
DeleteA honourable man will not accept Uber money from you, instead it'll shape his perception of you as someone who's willing to invest in the relationship. If he accepts money from you, it helps you know what kind of man he's and how far you can go with him. (OP have not stated that she can't cope financially with a one off Uber payment if she wanted to, so stop projecting!. It seems like a very narrow view to think that when a girl makes an offer of paying a man's transport fare it means she'll not be taken seriously. Going by this perspective you can now see why some men don't take ladies seriously whenever a request for visitation is predicated on Uber payment from the man). Abeg use the same energy to advise OP not to start what she can't finish and not to expect or accept Uber money if the guy offered her at any point in the relationship).
DeletePCX