USELESS SPOUSE
Hi Stella and BVs,
My husband always locks his phone, but sometimes I manage to open it. From his chats, I found out he cheated with a girl and has several sxxual conversations with other women.
This is the same man who constantly complains about not having money, while I am the one paying most of the bills at home. The first time I confronted him, he begged repeatedly and I forgave him.
After that, he changed his passwords, claiming it was because of his colleagues. I still managed to unlock his phone and saw that nothing had changed. There are still different chats with different women, and they all know he’s married. I haven’t confronted him yet this time, because I know he’ll beg again and pretend to be a saint for a while.
I’m even ashamed to go out with him because I don’t know who has spotted him with other women or what they think of me.
I’ve tried reducing how much I cover expenses at home so he can step up, but what about my children? Once the DStv expires, it’s mummy. Food… mummy. Clothes… mummy.
Meanwhile, my family believes he’s a saint because I protect his image in front of them. His own family thinks I’m the one spending all his money.
In fact, I’m tired.
This is the same man who constantly complains about not having money, while I am the one paying most of the bills at home. The first time I confronted him, he begged repeatedly and I forgave him.
After that, he changed his passwords, claiming it was because of his colleagues. I still managed to unlock his phone and saw that nothing had changed. There are still different chats with different women, and they all know he’s married. I haven’t confronted him yet this time, because I know he’ll beg again and pretend to be a saint for a while.
I’m even ashamed to go out with him because I don’t know who has spotted him with other women or what they think of me.
I’ve tried reducing how much I cover expenses at home so he can step up, but what about my children? Once the DStv expires, it’s mummy. Food… mummy. Clothes… mummy.
Meanwhile, my family believes he’s a saint because I protect his image in front of them. His own family thinks I’m the one spending all his money.
In fact, I’m tired.
Some Narratives will just make someone so pissed!!!
*Stop covering up for him and change the Narrative!..He should be the one ashamed not you!....Let both families know what you do with money and what he does with his...
If he is not willing to change or channel his money towards the household then give him less food and less time...change it for him subtly and please do not confront him again......
I have mailed you inbox to yarn me how you manage to unlock his phone.
Sweetheart do not feel bad about anything you do for your kids. Do all you can for your kids but as Stella rightly said, cut off spendings that has to do with the man like food, rent etc. Just do not be bitter at all cos your kids need you to be okay in all ramifications
ReplyDeleteWhether you confront him or not, if you are having xes with him, protect yourself o.
ReplyDeleteFine Woman Take This Advice Seriously oooo..
DeleteHonestly, that's the first thing that came to my mind too. Please try and protect yourself from STDs.
DeleteProtecting herself in this case is total abstinence from sex with her husband cos other methods of protection are not 💯 percent safe
DeleteProtecting herself in this case is total abstinence from sex with her husband cos other methods of protection are not 💯 percent safe
DeleteLol. Snoopers gang.
ReplyDeleteStella, we BVs also want to learn how to unlock phones, e get why.
you are an enabler and you are the reason for your problems, just to be seen as a married woman in the eyes of your circle, you are allowing your us*less horseband to take you for a ride and very well deserved because how
ReplyDeleteLol Big STELLA maybe she unlocked the phone with his thumb or face lock while sleeping.....
ReplyDeleteDear men try dey wear 💄 make up and hand-glove to bed at night so that e go show face and thumb unrecognised if them want unlock without your permission .
But on a more serious note, I detest cheating husbands or wives if you ain't ready to go into marriage pls stay offff
I pray to be a faithful husband make God give us the strength .
Madam talk to his mom or dad because if you push him too hard out side e fit no dey come house again,
Hope he change ( maybe) someday
You see that nonsense,.
DeleteI have warned someone very close to me that I'll stop chatting with him cos how can I discuss very confidential matter with you and then you'll sleep and your babe will use your thumb to open your phone and start reading out chats all in the name that she's trying to catch you cheating.. and you cannot give her a stern warning about such toxic behaviour..
Left for me that's enough to end it but me I can't tell anyone what to do with their relationship.. so I'm sha not chatting you up again cos I cannot be comfortable telling you private stuff that someone else will go and read..
Women be doing a lot of trash and these S!MP men be enabling them..
I remember the day my ex borrowed my phone to take pictures and then went to go and be reading my chats.. I didn't even know until she started giving me drama and then later asked who was the girl I was inviting some months ago, the month we just started dating.. first ehn,. The message she saw was even before we began to hook up and secondly the babe no even show self.. I no even bother reply I first para for am on why she go go dey read my private chats with people then tell her she can leave the relationship if e don tire am.. what nonsense!
Do you know the kind of confidential discussion I have with people, not just family members and friends,. Clients! Do you know the kind of sensitive things people send me due to the nature of my job.. then you on top relationship go sneak in without my consent go dey read am..
You must be seriously m@d
Lol.... a lady trying at all cost to snoop or open your phone without permission at night is a RED flag because trust issues will set in immediately even when you are clean.
DeleteAsin some even go the length of drugging the man's food to do this..
DeleteIf you try am with me,. You'll regret the day you were born
Sorry poster, stop covering him before his family. Let someone he respects in his family know how irresponsible he has been. Reduce your expenses on things that are not basic needs so you can have savings.
ReplyDeleteI am beginning to think that the more financial responsibilities a wife takes up at home, the more financially reckless and irresponsible the husband becomes.
Stop covering the house bills.
ReplyDeleteStart saving for tommorrow incase of eventualities...
Look out for yourself.
Don't bother confronting him.
Choose you henceforth and Make your plans...
Snooping is not for the faint hearted. A friend of mine experienced a similar thing. i almost thought this was her story. The only difference is that she doesn't have kids yet. What she did is that she reported her husband to both families without holding back after enduring for 3 to 4 years. They had a meeting with him and lambasted the living daylights out of him. He was on his knees begging after all his strong head. His deeds are even was than what you narrated up here but I am beginning to see the light coming back in their marriage. Please do speak up than die in silence since it is getting beyond your capability.
ReplyDeleteBetter confront him before you get std and let the family knows both yours and his
ReplyDeletePls change your salary account with HR, be showing him salary is late or being held, meanwhile tell a trusted friend/family you will be sending your money from a new account without text or your known email, then be burrowing your money from this trusted ally and be letting him know,it has to be repaid.Make him step up.Be smart with conversation and leaving trails
ReplyDeleteWoman please do this things with sense. Reduce your spendings let him come in to assist. You are doing babbon dey chop monkey dey work
ReplyDeletePoster don't talk or report him to anybody. Prioritise your children's food, health and education and that should be it. You have made him way too comfortable and you need to STOP ENABLING HIM!! Start saving and investing because this man has already checked out of the marriage. Let the DSTV lapse. Let the electricity, rent and other bills lapse. Take annual leave and tell him you lost your job, The rate with which he will pac out will shock you.
ReplyDeleteNawa for some men
ReplyDeleteI'm I the only who will not remain in a marriage where I already cover most of the expense and the is man is still cheating... I'm gone already
ReplyDeleteWhat nonsense, putting your life at risk..
It's easier said than done. He maybe lousy husband but a good father to his kids. The poster clearly said,he's a great hypocrite. How do you explain such,to young kids? 😔😔😔
Delete@blogbrity, this one is not a good father per say, abeg. A good father won't leave his responsibilities for his wife to carry while he uses his own money to flex with side rats. A good father won't even think in the way of cheating to start with cos he would put his children into consideration as his cheating ass might have effect on them in the long run
DeletePlease stop covering for him. Let his family see him for who he is. He is draining you and I don't think he will stop anytime soon.
ReplyDeletePoster,I am really sorry for your pain. Since he refused to change than upgrade his hypocrisy. You have to protect yourself first. No more sex without protection. Then stop helping with the bills and when you do,insist on refunds. When he starts acting up tell him,you're ready to sing,if he continues to push you.
ReplyDeleteSell your DSTV and buy GoTV, subscribe for a smaller package that has one of your children's channel.
ReplyDeleteReduce the expenses on food. Just cook the basic ones that will nourish your children, like their cereals and milk. Reduce the meat and fish and expensive soups and foods. Let the rent lapse, if he cannot pay and they chase you out, tell him to find his way as you will go squat with family, then you can rent a smaller house.. He dares not move in with you without returning the rent you paid.
In summary, save more now.
Also tell your family and his own family what he is doing. Stop covering him . Let them know NOW! Cos tomorrow he will spin rhe while story and heap the blame on your head. Those ones that already see him as an angel will be looking at you as the devil. Send them screenshots and other proofs.
Sometimes just admit to yourself that this is not a good one
ReplyDeleteScrap the whole marriage and start over
if you like confront him 100 million times he will still give you 100 million reasons why he is cheating on you, he will beg at the end and you will still forgive while covering his shame. You should not be a shame for any reason, did you cheat or sleep around? please carry yourself well outside, weather with him not not.
ReplyDeleteThe cover up is not working, the paying off all the bills is not working just to answer good woman. Is time to change format before his family will use envy to finish your life. Since you can access his phone, please move some evidence to your email before you involve family members. Enough of encouraging cheating, enough of covering up what is not good. Make sure you protect yourself before he will infect you.
You can take care of your kids but for him just reduce everything you do for him to 1%.
Next you read his chats, send them to his family, so they'll understand how irresponsible their son is.
ReplyDeleteOnce you look you will see some That's why is better to ignore.
ReplyDeleteWe often overlook or excuse personality traits and habits that hint at deep value incompatibilities. Marriage doesn’t hide flaws - it magnifies them - the good, bad, and ugly in both partners. But true compatibility cushions the rough edges. The signs of value mismatch are always there if we pay close attention, instead of getting swept away by the euphoria of “being married.”
ReplyDeletePoster, you’re housing a grown man who’s eating from your table, draining your wallet, and bedding other women. Is that really a husband or an entitled tenant with no remorse, who you bankroll his liabilities and add bedroom privileges? Stop covering for him; silence is the chain that keeps you trapped.
Protect your health, unfaithfulness carries more than emotional damage. Redirect your resources to your children and yourself. Cut off his financial lifeline or drastically reduce coverage of his responsibilities. Let him feel the cost of his own neglect.
If marriage is a partnership, why are you the only one paying the bills while he pays other women attention? Expose the truth to both families; hypocrites survive on secrecy. Keep evidence - proof shuts down lies when the story gets twisted. Your children need a strong, healthy mother, not one bleeding herself dry for a man who’s already abandoned the marriage in action.
If he wants the respect of a husband, let him earn it in practice! You owe him nothing but the consequences of his choices. Respect yourself enough to stop financing your own disrespect. You’re saving an enemy who’s tearing down your home from within and is committed to destroying your peace.