STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SERIOUS ADVICE NEEDED
Hello Stella,I am a 30yrs old lady ....
Hello Stella,I am a 30yrs old lady ....
I lost my father, he was in his 60s and recently retired from the Nigerian civil service.
When the drama coordinator in my church posted that we should come for drama rehearsals. I messaged him that I lost my father that I am traveling to the village.
When the drama coordinator in my church posted that we should come for drama rehearsals. I messaged him that I lost my father that I am traveling to the village.
He called me to condole with me. He posted it on our church drama WhatsApp platform. The pastor and his wife are on the platform.
The pastor's wife posted her condolence message on the drama platform.she never called me and neither did the pastor call.
They are nice people but I am shocked that they didn't call on phone to condole with me. My father was like the star in my family and it was so painful to lose him and he has a mother in her 90s who is still alive.
We are like 150 members in our church. I am a church worker. the pastorate not reaching out me, is that enough reason to leave the church?
Bvs I need your advice. Should I leave the church or not´?
Are you serving God in Church or man? Lets get that clear before we go further...
First off, get your mind off thinking that anybody owes you anything!
The Church not reaching out to you officially to express their sympathy or to support you in some small way is not good.....It is a small Church and the Pastor and his wife being in the same Whatsapp group with you shows that they are easily accessible......
If i was you i would change church because i would never be free doing anything in that Church again.....
Dont leave the Church, just change where you worship and face God please!
You should be worried because they ought to have called and sympathise with you.
ReplyDeleteI will advise you maintain calm like nothing happen, and know teir reaction afterwards.
Dodo.
Tell the coordinator that you are not happy that they didn't call. But don't leave.
DeleteThey are supposed to reach out to you. If they still don't reach out to you when you come back from your father's funeral, I will advise you leave the church. I will do the same If I was in your shoes. No need to be there and be bearing grudges.
ReplyDeleteI think you should have s conversation with them.
ReplyDeleteThey should have called you. I mean you are a worker in the church. Yes, you are serving God, not them, but a little show of love from them goes a long way. If na me, I will waka. Simple. Sorry about your Dad. 🤗
ReplyDeleteSorry for the loss. Please reach out to the pastor and his wife and hear what they will say. May be something happened that made them not to reach out to you. My two sense.
ReplyDeleteSomeone mourning should be the one to reach out? Since you are in the church to serve God and not man,you can serve God in another church please!
DeleteHmmmm
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss
Accept my condolences. And may your dad's soul rest in peace 🙏🏿. Please don't leave the church. Don't count offence. 🤗
ReplyDeleteAt a personal level, when messages are sent in groups, I treat them as group messages. Did you have a personal relationship with the pastor and his wife, if you did then you ought to have informed them personally and not make some general information to all. I treat messages in groups as groups messages and personal messages as personal messages.
ReplyDeleteThis doesn’t apply to death pls
DeleteIf it’s a wedding, you can expect to be personally informed
But you don’t wait to be personally informed if someone suffers a loss in the family
Once they’ve told one person and others are informed, it’s on others to reach out
Abi how many times do u want the bereaved to be repeating their loss
This was a death news, she hasn't even pulled herself together to the point of calling people one after the other.They saw the message there, they should have reached out.
DeleteWho has the time to text or call anyone personally to say a parent or loved one passed away ?
DeleteWhen my dad passed away a lot of people called me cos they heard it in the news .
Whether or not she has a personal relationship with them they're meant to reach out to her she's a church member and a worker.
She needs the church right now especially the spiritual leaders of the church.
You didn't include if the funeral has taken place or if the date has been fixed and you informed the church.
ReplyDeleteAt least,I will understand if you have been neglected or something will still be done.
Calm down first and keep worshipping God if you understand the scripture where apostle Paul said he would have been discouraged but for the God who he is offering his service to.
As a human I understand how you feel especially when you feel that you bring value to the growth of the church and the least sympathy should have been extended to you by the first family.
My condolences.
Ma’am you can let them know how you feel about it and judge by how they respond
ReplyDeleteIf the response is crap then move on
If they are young, I’ll be more forgiving too
Young people are just learning how to deal with death and might just not know what to do so they sometimes do nothing
If they are older, don’t bother asking them. Just move on
You make a good point about young people just learning how to deal with death and the social norms around it
DeleteThose that work in the church to keep it running smoothly are precious folks who need major respect because I will donate but don’t ask me to take on any responsibilities otherwise.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn’t say to leave if you enjoy being there, and have good fellowship and friendships there. No, don’t leave because of the actions of those two ppl. The church is bigger than the pastor and his wife, although there is a hierarchy in the church and it is not truly equal. The church can survive without the pastor and his wife, but they cannot survive without the church. So the congregants are the ones with the real power, they decide if the church lives or d!es.
You can use the opportunity to do what was not done for you, when members have lost loved ones you could be that person who calls and condoles with them. You can also do the same for new members and newly baptized persons. Again, the church is bigger than the pastor and his wife. Be the bigger person and do God’s work in every way, whether you have support or anyone cares.
Even if she calls and condoles other people it will never be like the pastor’s condolence, remember she said other people have also reached out to her, but she is still hurt cos it wasn’t the pastor
DeleteI totally get it, but I don’t believe someone should leave their community because of two ppl who did not outrightly hurt them. Those ppl who condoled with her showed her love, those are the ppl she should be focused on. Why is her spirit not comforted by those in the church who supported her and was there and her entire focus is on the pastor and his wife? I hope she has not idolized those ppl, idolatry in any form is wrong. Just what if the pastor got a grave health diagnosis or battling demonic attacks, you never know what someone is going through silently. I still do not think them not calling or visiting her is enough reason to leave her church community, especially if she is nourished there.
DeleteMany years ago I was ill, the person I considered my best friend never visited me. It did hurt me but I got over it. Decades later she is now ill and I have done more for her than she did for me because we operate under different principles. I don’t do tit for tat and it is horrible to learn of her health woes. Last time we spoke she was lamenting how she has so many friends and hardly anyone is in regular contact with her. Life has a way of humbling everyone. When you are committed to serving God you do that first, and in everything live by Holy principles always and idolize no mortal being.
Church is not a building, a building, a building, Church is you and me, believers in Christ, when two or three are gathered unto him we fellowship...We are the Church!
ReplyDeleteThey are immature individuals. Condoling with the bereaved is one of the corporal works of mercy . I expect a pastor to know.
ReplyDeletePlease accept my most sincere condolences.
Death is devastating. Onwu di njo
Though you’re not serving him but God, but if we have to be logical about it, your concern is valid ahd it’s enough reason to not come to the church again.
ReplyDeleteIf I were to be you, I will stop attending the church. My opinion.
They should have reached out to you. What they did was wrong.. It's all good.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about your dad's passing.
ReplyDeleteyou did not reach out to you pastor and his wife to inform them that you lost your dad but you went ahead to inform your drama coordinator. Your drama coordinator was the one who reached out to you because you reached out to him too. You should have called the pastor or his wife and tell, then you can ask them to help you deliver your message to others especially your coordinator.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to feel bad about the whole thing, you should just allow things be and watch them closely. Have you travelled for the burial and you are back still no church member came for a visit or send you anything? My place of work when i lost my dad none visited me for that and i did not take it personal with anyone. When i was going for the burial some colleagues sent in their token and i appreciated and kept moving.
do not allow this to disturb you at all, serve your God but if you feel you are not comfortable with the church speak to the pastor or his wife and maybe start another denomination.
You’re mad. Maybe you should do that when you lose yours.
DeleteWhy should she have to reach out to the pastor and the wife individually? Let me be frank with you , your Pastor and the wife are living in the flesh and they are not working for God. The Bible says by their fruits you shall know them. Go and read the act of Apostles form Chapter 1 to the last Chapter and see how Christian community should live and interact together. But these days a lot of Christian are living in the flesh including some pastor. My advise to you is to pray that God will lead you to the right Church, there is always a right Church for you. And leave this one where common empathy is very far from them. They are living in Pride that you didn't inform them first which is a big sign that they are in the flesh.
DeleteAny pastor living in the flesh is a danger to any of their members. May God console you and grant you comforts at these terrible time, where your brothers and sisters in Christ are to be like a fence around you, bringing you warmth and comfort and a shoulder to cries on.
Pastor now needs personal notice about bereavement? 🤣
DeleteY'all should learn not to tolerate rubbish
17:40
DeleteAbeg you’re taking it too far. It may be a genuine oversight on their part. Which one is living in the flesh again
Sorry for the death of your father. May his soul rest in peace. Sending a condolence message to you through the WhatsApp group would mean a lot. The Pastor didn't do well. A little sympathy won't cost him a thing.
ReplyDeletePoster please accept my heartfelt condolences 🙏🏽 chai! I feel your pains, it's well be strong. ❤️🌹
ReplyDeleteSorry about your loss.
ReplyDeleteEven if you want to leave the church, bear in mind that no one/where is good. The bible says "
WORK OUT "YOUR" SALVATION WITH FEAR AND TREMBLING. Don't expect anything from anyone in this life.
How much do you remit to the church every month? If you are not one of the heavy spenders then you are a liability. They may think that calling you equals expenditures, therefore, it is better to keep mute.
ReplyDeleteMost churches these days are business concerns umunnem. Their key objective is to make money and they strategically and critically plan towards executing it.
You have to be smart!/wise in this world we live in, if not ewere go mekota na ihe Ana eme. Your pastor and his wife did not forget to ring you, they are definitely avoiding you.
Was your first paragraph a joke?
DeletePure truth
Delete@spongebob~ no is not. If you have been around long enough you would have noticed that most churches respect tithe payers more than church workers.
DeleteEvery time you listen to most pastors all they talk about is money. Money is what they are after. Time has gone when pastors used to visit members every Sunday. Now they visit rich members.
Make your own inquiries and research. Don’t take my words for it.
To me, Its enough reason to leave the church.
ReplyDeleteThey lack empathy Biko.
Don’t leave yet because they may have a special package waiting for you. If nothing concrete is done by the time you return you may leave
ReplyDeleteAunty this place is not the best place to seek for advice knowing fully well that majority of people on internet has one thing or the other with pastors and churches either wrongly or rightfully ,you should have followed the bible way ,go first after coming back ,meet your pastor and the wife and asked or tell them your observations since they knew well to have posted it in the church WhatsApp The bible says offence must come but woes unto the person through whom offence will come .Please don't let people allow offence against your pastor by their advice ,remember you are responsible to God for your life .Shalom
ReplyDeleteI TOTALLY DISAGREE WITH U...why should she reach out to them? why?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
DeleteHave you really lost someone before? her mind is already poisoned from the pain of what she went thru and their not reaching........they messed up probablycos they didnt wanna give her mney as support....
There are other churches, her placenta was not buried in that church, let her leave please!!!
This is one of the reasons I left where I was worshipping. When I lost my dad the members of my siblings church some as far as the island came to ipaja where we live to console them and no one came to me. The wife of the GO who is the woman leader never called me throughout the pains I was passing through. I had to leave.
DeleteMost of these churches are business centers. Know God for yourselves. Since I stopped and started worshipping God in my house, helping those I can and making sure that no one is hungry before me I’ve seen tremendous difference and turn around. My sister that is not a church. It’s a limited liability company.
You are making stuff up
DeleteThere’s no such protocol in the Bible
If you haven't lost a loved one before you won't understand ,
DeleteWhen I lost my bro in law, a young man, all the people that didn't comment on my status when I posted it, I stopped commenting on theirs even on their birthdays
Poster sorry for your loss, but unfortunately in today's church if your daddy wasn't a member of that church and if you are not a heavy tither forget it, like someone said up there, they are probably avoiding you, who worker help, they only appreciate heavy tithers and seed sowers. If they come for condolence you will be expecting envelope that's what they are avoiding
They are not good people at all. Pastors indeed. Sorry about your dad.
ReplyDeleteposter, I will say that pastors have a lot in their hands especially at this time when they work at the same time also performing pastoral duties.
ReplyDeleteAs a worker in church. you are not an ordinary member. the pastor should have delegated someone that should have acted on his behalf in cases like this either to call or to visit
if they didn't do this, it means they don't regard you and you should make your pain known.
Before you leave, weight your benefits since you started attending the church. have you grown spiritually? have you benefitted one thing or the other since you started attending? if you have, please remain. don't allow the devil to see the lapses of the church and leave because the devil wants you to always see the bad side and not the good side
All the best
I honestly believe that if things are to be done in an orderly way, the first person to hear about her father’s passing should have been her pastor. However, since the pastor and his wife already learned about the loss through a WhatsApp group, nothing should have stopped them from reaching out to her regardless of how they heard it.
ReplyDeleteA whole human life has been lost, and that alone calls for empathy from her pastor if they truly carry the heart of a shepherd. They might choose to bring up the matter later, but the first and most important step should have been to show compassion.
Since they didn’t reach out, if I were in her shoes, I wouldn’t reach out to them either. I would attend the burial, return, and then find another place of worship. No hard feelings
Orderly way on top death
DeleteAccept my heartfelt condolences on the death of your dear father.You can give them time to see if they will do the right thing.Death news is not like good news, if they heard and feel you mean something to them they should've reached out instead of waiting for you to inform them personally.
ReplyDeleteSo if you leave the church to another and then the same thing happens in that new church, you will leave again abi?. Omo continue your service to God in that church, don't let the devil play with you.
ReplyDeleteYes leave until you find a good one or stop going
DeleteLet no one deceive you
There are better churches and groups
My group just financed a whole wake. Better move to greener pastures
My dear,
ReplyDeleteFirst, grieve your father fully. He was your anchor, and his absence will ache deeply. Let your mourning breathe without tying it too tightly to the actions of others.
Grief sharpens disappointment; it makes silence echo louder and absence feel like abandonment. Your pastor and his wife should have reached out - especially since you serve in the church. A shepherd’s duty is not only to preach but to walk with the flock in sorrow. Their silence wounded you, and that pain is real. But do not make final decisions while your heart is still raw.
When the tears settle, ask yourself: Is this church helping me grow, or has this silence revealed something deeper? Sometimes people simply don’t know how to enter another’s grief. That does not excuse them, but it may explain why the comfort you longed for never came.
If peace allows, speak with them - not in anger, but with quiet dignity: “In my time of loss, I felt unseen. I needed your presence.” Their response will show their heart. If they acknowledge and draw closer, healing may still be possible. If they remain indifferent, you are free to move on without guilt.
Stay where peace lives. Leave where bitterness grows. Above all, guard your spirit. Your father’s memory deserves your wholeness, not resentment.
I am the poster. I am not looking for financial support. I only felt they should have called me on phone or delegate some members to check on me. One of my reasons of attending church is to have family members in Christ who will share in my moment of joy and sorrows
ReplyDeleteEvery church with their own policies sha…Did you officially inform the church’s leadership team?
DeleteI am the poster. I was only feeling the pastorate should have called me or delegate people to check on me. I am not looking for financial support. One of my reasons for attending church is to have family members in Christ who can share in my moment of joy and sorrow
ReplyDeleteSometimes, these things skip their minds. You might be small in number in the chat, but if you know how many people they have met overtime and are talking to, you'll know it's not easy. Please cut them some slack
ReplyDeletePoster if I were in your shoes, I will leave that church. Just 150 members and act this way? I don't condole nonsense and hypocrisy. Why will they expect you to reach out to them personally when they know you are grieving? This is death of a beloved one. I mean, not like its your birthday or something that they expect you to contact them. No atom of emphaty from the pastor?
ReplyDeleteGod does not have a permanent resident in that church, so I will leave. I won't hesitate.
I think you should have reached out to them directly privately and inform them. You know how some of these pastors behave like mini gods. They were waiting for you to cry into their inbox or call them and tell them.
ReplyDeleteI forgot to add that you should continue to serve your God, but henceforth, don't just inconvenience yourself to please either the pastor, his wife or other members. If you change Church, the next pastor may be worse
ReplyDelete