Hmmmmmm......
OPINION NEEDED
Hello everyone.
I need opinions of male and female on this please.
Is it ok for a man you are dating who is separated to give his ex-wife money for her birthday? This is not money for their children or anything related to them. They have been separated for up to 2 years now and he sees his children regularly. He said he’s just being nice. He gave her 250k.
JESUS!!!... what kind of mentality is this? So because they are separated, he should not be nice to her? Do you know that her being happy will also be his happy and enable positive and happy co-parenting? The guy is a smart man and it can also be that he still likes his ex or it can also be that they are still gbenshing or started gbenshing again......Dont you want them to settle for the kids sake?
If you are worried that he gave her money then , be quiet and watch him , you will know with how he talks about her.....
When you make up your mind to date a man that's separated from his wife, you have to have strong balls cos it won't be easy.
ReplyDeleteFor me, I will not take it lightly. Do whatever you want for your kids.
Poster, your feelings are valid.
It's possible they are still making out.
But do you mind telling us why they got separated?
They are not officially divorced. He says he’s working on it and I have never disturbed him about it. I know he’ll do it. He was never happy in the marriage and he admitted that he cheated and then she left which was good for both of them. I don’t have a problem with him being nice to her. I just think this is too much, but I wanted to get other opinions.
DeleteMy dear if he is not divorced, it doesn’t matter if they are separated that is a married man. Two years separated and still not divorced and sending her birthday gifts and being nice means you are the side chick. That man has no plans divorce, so decide what you can handle.
DeleteMadam, you are a side chick oo, I hope you know that? Those people are still married. Don't buy that thing he's telling you that he was not happy in the marriage. As Stella said, watch him and you will know your answer.
DeleteI'm a bit concern why you are are comfortable with a man who had history of cheating. Has he changed?
Poster are you sure you are not the side chick in this situation 🤔 just be prepared for drama if you end up marrying this man..🚩🚩🚩
DeleteAnon 19.41 e reach ask o..maybe cheating is not a deal breaker for her.
DeleteHe admitted he cheated in the marriage and you carry your two left legs enter eh kwa? No wahala.
Delete17:25, you have every right to feel the way you are feeling. I think you should be very observant from now and if you keep feeling uncomfortable with his "niceness" towards her, please walk away. When it's getting too much, you will know and that's when you should act.
DeleteHe could truly be nice to her
ReplyDeleteAnd if he was d guilty party. It's d least he can do
Or maybe he hasn't gotten over her yet.
Being generous to the mother of your kids who you once called wife, is a commendable thing though.
And for co-parenting, it's expedient to be cordial
Most Oyinbo still remain friends with their exes
You are dating not married sis focus on your relationship leave them alone is it your money? Abeg mind ya biz
ReplyDeleteSeems she is annoyed with the man because he has never given her such amount of money as a gift.
DeleteHe is legally married to the wife.
She has no relationship; that's the bitter truth. That man still wants his wife and begging her for a comeback while she's being used as a place holder incase the wife doesn't come back.
DeletePoster, has any of them file for divorce? Have you seen evidence? Have you ever followed him to court? Shine your eyes, don't let a man waste your time with sweet words.
Logically I see ladies getting married to a man that just got separated from his wifey with kids involved......
ReplyDeleteAs second a wife. Madam na packaged 2nd wife you be because you can never separate the man and his Exxx
They have for ever deal together .
Pray the ex doesn't compliment him for the gift so to get even more... its okay to feel such way buy you sign up for it
Goodluck
Separated or divorced? Let's start from there.
ReplyDeleteThat is what is confusing me. If they are separated, he is probably trying to warm his way into her heart. He is just using the poster to while away time.
DeleteAny man would be suspicious if the lady he is in a relationship with is being sent money or gifts by the man she is separated from.
Is ok .If you are suspicious of them.Observe them more.
ReplyDeleteWell, you are Three in the relationship, period
ReplyDeleteIs #250000 small money for your man?
ReplyDeleteDid he give her this money as a sacrifice or money he can easily dash out?
Is it an amount that would impact significantly on his pocket.
If your answers is yes
Get out of that triangle,there’s nothing to fight for
If your answer is no
Ignore her and stay
Where a man makes sacrifices is where his heart is.
Men will always provide for the woman they care about
Has he given you that amount before
What was your birthday like..
If he hasn’t made such investment in your life
Baby fleeeeee…
What kind of man is he?
Do you think he hasn’t let go?
That woman will be in your lives even if she remarries or dated someone else
You may perpetually get the short end of the stick
But if he is a good man,has a good dick,cares about you,has great prospects for your biological children and your future . If he is married to you or about to marry to you or in the process of marrying you
Sweetie we burn the city at dawn…
Torchlight everywhere
you should speak with her about this, this is like a case of a married woman who is still accepting gifts from her ex bf. If the man finds out he will not be happy with her, if she is with you should should stick with you or go be with her ex. They could be dating secretly or trying to reconnect back, he should spend those money on his children and stop saying he is being nice to his ex wife.
ReplyDeleteCall her attention, speak to her, tell her you are not comfortable with such gifts from her ex. Ask her if she is seeing him or wan to rekindle their love life back. Some gifts could make an ex come back by fire by force.
Call her attention and speak to her as what? Poster avoid this advice! You’ve absolutely no business with the ex. Face your man before person beat you blue black.
DeleteThis is funny, what right does she have to question the wife? She should face her man if situationship is not for her cause it's going to be long ride which bus stop could be polygamy.
DeleteFelicity
Please shift leave them to Reconcile, that is my Personal opinion and which for both of them. . They are not Divorced so just leave already it will help the Healing Process of Reconciliation for them . If u even wish them well u will find ur own .
ReplyDeleteThey are separated for one or two reasons, they're not enemies.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster,
ReplyDeleteHow is it your business how he treats his ex-wife...So you think Okafor law will not be active because of what....Abi you have been following the man before the divorce abi because which kin monitoring be this.....He hasn't gotten over her, better use your head....
All the best....
Good afternoon everyone 💞
ReplyDeleteAround 50 million people are drunk right now. Hmmm 😏
I am divorced and my ex still send monetary/physical gift especially during special occasions without asking, he would say I am a good woman and mother but he messed up and as far as I haven't remarried he will continue.
ReplyDeletewe are not having any sexual contacts or conversations.
Our relationship is weird to both families and friends but I think we were meant to be friends instead of lovers.
Just check well, if he is just being nice or making up for how he treated her or he is warming his way back to her heart.....It is well!
Lol.. even if he marry you,he must still get involve with her because she's the mother of his kids,so deal with your insecurities..
ReplyDeletePlease..leave them alone, she was once the wife. I will advise you to just end it, if you can't tolerate it, because you will just be frustrated for nothing. Mother of his children, his money. If you can't cope , please move on
ReplyDeleteWhy are you calling her his ex wife? Are they divorced? Nawa for you o. School nor be scam o. 😁
ReplyDeleteIt's very OK dear. 🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDelete@Poster, this man is only separated from his wife, not divorced — that’s point #1. They also have children together — that’s point #2.
ReplyDeletePoint #3, which I believe explains what’s happening, is this: giving his wife money for her birthday is less about celebrating her and more about maintaining peace of mind. In reality, he’s giving her that money not for the birthday itself, but as a way of appreciating or compensating her for taking care of the children. He knows she is tied down with the kids while he is free to date someone else. So, in a sense, he is “paying” for the fact that she is shouldering that responsibility.
That said, you need to pay close attention to how things are going between them. Listen carefully to their conversations and interactions — what do you notice? If he is using you as a stopgap while trying to reconcile with his wife, you’ll be able to figure that out if you are observant. If I were in your shoes, I would gradually start pulling back, without confrontation.
Na your money? What is wrong with that? How e take affect you? Insert yourself in the woman’s shoe few years from now assuming you two do not work out.
ReplyDeleteThis mentality is why of all single men in Nigeria, you are settling with a married man (they are only separated). For their children’s sake, those two are connected forever. Accept it now or leave them alone
She too might be a divorcee
DeleteThis is what you see when you date this kind of men. Na vice versa
ReplyDeleteI understand your fears, its not the money but the fact that they could reconcile and then you are thrown out. He may have done that just to make her happy, perhaps she is part of his success story. It could also be so that she celebrates with the kids. Children are involved and there is little or nothing you can do about it. You should talk to him, but not in a way that puts ideas into his head. I wish you good luck.
ReplyDeletei think he still has feelings for his ex. I will advise you watch carefully so you don't get used after everything.
ReplyDeleteGiving money to an ex is a red flag. they are still gbenshing
Anty they separated just for two years eeh kwa fine gel🙄
ReplyDeleteBut speration means they will still come back together, abeg leave somebody's husband alone Jaree, you are there asking uncessary questions
Lol..
ReplyDeleteWomen wahala ehn..
They'll be here supporting asking money from an ex because of long throat but when they're with the one who is giving the ex they start crying..
They'll be here supporting S!mps and calling them real men but when Missy now talk about how her uncle is misbehaving because he wants to please his wife and her family, this same people will now be crying because of the s!mp-ie behaviour..
Wetin Una really wants ehn?!
This is why a man should be a man and be able to lead a woman rightly
That's the mother of his kids. There will always be an attachment. Just don't enter that relationship with your two legs ooo. He might want to go back
ReplyDeleteDon't be guilt trip, he giving money to his "ex" is suspicious and you have every reason to question his actions. But you are channelling your energy to the wrong thing. That man is still married, He's not yours. He's cheated on his wife meaning he's not a faithful man.
ReplyDeleteMy question is, what are you doing there?
Dear Poster,
ReplyDeleteA man giving his ex money does not always mean he is trying to win her back. Some men give out of guilt, some out of habit, and others simply to keep the peace. Kindness can be free of hidden intent.
That said, my issue with you is that you cannot ignore context. A man who is separated is not yet free - he is still married in the eyes of law and life. Until divorce papers are signed, you are building on shifting ground. I know men who never dated during separation; they waited until the matter was settled. That is what clarity looks like.
Now, ₦250k is not a casual token. It is a significant gesture, not in the same bracket as a harmless ₦25k. Whether it comes from duty, affection, or guilt, it reveals where his sense of responsibility leans. And the unease you feel is not baseless - it signals that the lines are blurred - provided it isn't coming from a place of jealousy.
If his generosity towards you is steady and meaningful - maybe not of the same weight, then you can remain, but keep your eyes wide open. If not, then you are standing in a shadow, and the future may not favour you.
Finally, do not fight his ex. She holds a place you cannot erase. Your task is to study him: his priorities, his consistency, his loyalties - do they firmly include you? Kindness may be genuine, but so is risk. The wisdom is knowing the difference before time makes the choice for you.
Assuming she has custody of the kids now: If the kids are not up to 18, he is actually supposed to give her money every month as contribution for their school fees and up-keep. It is called child support and any man who has conscience will pay that. The kids are their joint responsibility, infact till they complete university. Even if he pays their fees directly, he should give $$ for their upkeep at home. It is tasking on the woman to be a single parent, the least he can do is financially support.
ReplyDeleteAssuming he has custody of the kids: then he doesn't owe her $$, unless as a result of the marriage, she sacrificed her career (which is quite common) and that's why there's something called spousal support.
But I know your concern is not the money, more of where his heart is. Honestly, I will advice you to break up. He is married, and the right thing to do is to respect the marital union. Even God said we shouldn't put assunder in what he has joined together. If you are a Christian find comfort in God, dig into his word. If you are not, have an open mind, there are other men out there who are single and better for you. Our heart can deceive us that it is this one person, but there is no heartbreak that can break your soul.
Good luck.