Hmmmm......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MARRIED BUT SAD.
I dont know if something is wrong with me but i got married sometime this year and i am tired already and want out...No, i dont fell like wanting things out...I want out and i want to relocate back to Europe where i was living before i got married...
I fell choked and hate everything that marriage stands for...I hate the same clothe thing that husband and wives do...I dont like to be branded by any man......I dont like the name change and its causing a problem already cos i refused to change or add....
I do not like that i have to stop whatever i am doing to attend to a man when he cannot do same for me..
Marriage tries to mould one into what one does not want.... Or maybe it is Nigerian men that do this?I have dated men from other Countries and i did not feel this way.
And I also dont like the expectations from the other family..I dont like the total respect they want without giving it back and one not being able to talk to avoid issues..
From all what i have listed up there, am i the problem? ..... I am already pregnant but have not told my husband yet but i am travelling to Europe for Christmas and dont intend to return on the date i told him i would...He can visit if he wants but i dont want to live together as a couple.....I still have my small flat in Europe, its my property and i rented it out...
I will tell him whatever i need to say over the phone...
And oh....I read chats on his phone with his sisters and the sisters have a horrible code name for me and they all laugh about it.......Seriously? You laugh about me with your sisters and come crying for my cookie jar at night?
*Scrolls back up to read*
So sorry for your situationship.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm. Some like it hot some like it cold. Baby girl that's somehow marriage for you. It can be draining but just hold on a bit. There's still light at the end of the tunnel.
ReplyDeleteWhy did you get married?
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, you are simply a woman who entered a marriage that doesn’t match the life she’s used to. You were living independently in Europe, then suddenly you found yourself in a Nigerian-style marriage where matching clothes, name change, extended family committee, and “wife duties” are the default settings. Anyone would feel suffocated.
ReplyDeleteBeing pregnant changes everything, though. My sister, don’t run off to Europe without telling your husband. No matter what is happening between you two, he deserves to know about his child. You are carrying a whole baby, not a hand luggage you can just travel with quietly.
As for the chats you saw between him and his sisters, that one is deep betrayal. A man who allows his family to mock his wife and even joins in the laughter has already failed you emotionally. Your hurt is valid. But don’t let that push you into acting out of anger. Make your decisions with a clear head.
If your heart is already out of the marriage, it’s not a crime. Marriage is not by force. Some unions are just not meant to be, especially when your values and lifestyle are different from what the marriage demands. Choose yourself. Choose peace. But do it properly, talk to him, explain how you feel, set your boundaries, and then go. Don’t ghost him or disappear like someone evading loans. You deserve a clean, dignified exit.
You are not the issue here. You are just someone who needs space, respect, and individuality, and you’re not getting it where you are. Go where your mind can breathe. Just leave with honesty and maturity.
Let her leave and inform him about everything on the phone from abroad.
DeleteDon't trust a man who mocks you on chats with his family members. They may plan and prevent your travelling in December, if they don't want you to separate.
I understand the poster's feelings. She should have married an European since she is used to their lifestyle.
I stand by this advice. Read and assimilate it so don't make a mistake you regret later in life.
DeleteDon't let present circumstance change your future happiness.
Shalom
Pls relocate before you open. Do it from a country that can protect you. Not where you will tell him and he will destroy your chances of leaving and he can't be held accountable.
DeleteHe may not let her go if he knows she won't be coming back,now that she is pregnant..
DeleteSo advisable,don't tell,call him when she get to Europe..
Oh dear.
ReplyDeleteSeems you didn't marry a good man.
But wait? Have you checked yourself? To see if you are the problem?
Anyways, like you said, you want out of the marriage.
My mother said that marriage is not meant for everyone.
So, do whatever makes you happy darling.
All the best
Do not give him the cookie jar for now. Go to Europe and see if your feeling will change. A lot of ladies I know feel horrible in their marriage. I think men enjoy marriage more than women.
ReplyDeleteGood luck.
Thank God you’ve prepared your mind fully to opt out of the yeye marriage
ReplyDeleteIt will shock him. And make sure you let him know if the name they call you
But you left Europe to come and marry a naija man after having been with people from other countries? Well, different strokes for different folks
Best of luck honey
You can't have a conservation with him as your husband, so how can this marriage even work?
ReplyDeleteConservation kwa?
Delete*Conversation
DeleteThanks @anon
Very stupid man .
ReplyDeleteHow can he be discussing his wife with his sisters and making jest if her?
Person wey never mature go just go collect person daughter keep for house .
My sister do what suits you but make sure you keep your baby
Hi Poster… please follow your heart. Don’t worry you’ll be fine. A lot of women stay and end up betraying themselves and hating their partner. It alright.. 🤗🤗
ReplyDeleteImmature man and foolish sisters.
ReplyDeleteThe freedom of being a single woman is awesome.
ReplyDeleteRegina Daniels doesn’t know what she lost.
Ned gave her so much freedom even as a married woman.
Ehya auntie european why did you marry na and waste somebody's son time .Will you be happy if someone did this to you ehn . It may be the hormones playing up too. I feel for the husband
ReplyDeletePoster I quite understand you.
ReplyDeleteHaving lived in Europe and used to their relationship method, you should have gone for an European man.
Naija 's style of marriage is for those of us who grew up here and have lived all our lives here.
Your hubby also grew up here and follows that style too. The only place where I fault your husband is that mocking part, he doesn't respect you, so how would his family even respect you? He is a stupid man.
Also, he is not supposed to force you to change your name or add his name to yours. I know some of my relatives who didn't do it and heaven did not fall.
Pls leave quietly and inform him of everything when you get there.
Your feelings are valid poster but you need to talk to a therapist to help you navigate them. It's a good thing you are travelling, please speak to a therapist before you tell your husband what's on your mind. Take care of yourself, your baby needs you.
ReplyDeleteThe mistake women do is losing themselves all in the name of marriage. Its not a Nigerian man thing. Just depends on the individual. For me, apart from moving in with my husband, nothing has changed for me. It took me 10 years to remarry after my divorce because I wanted to be with a man that will allow me be me. I love to sleep alone, I still do sometimes. I love solo traveling. I still do. Try and talk to your husband when you get to Europe. I am not against you traveling but make sure you communicate how you feel to him.
ReplyDeletePeople are wired differently and marriage is not for everyone. Take your time and figure out what you want. I do not conform to the traditional marriage norms that puts the burden on women. I told my husband I was looking for a partner not a husband and it has been that way. We are married but its partnership where we do things together and support each other's dreams and goals. Please dont lose yourself.
Not every couple like to wear to match, since you feel this way, I think your decision to live apart is good
ReplyDeleteGood luck and safe delivery
Poster did u date this ur husband? Or was it arranged? From ur description, he appears immature. Tell him about ur pregnancy and go to Europe as u're planning, u might have a change of mind while there. Please DO NOT TERMINATE THAT PREGNANCY.
ReplyDeleteare you saying you just found out all you just said after you said i do?
ReplyDeleteYou have a good plan. Keep on with it.
ReplyDeleteYour sanity is worth everything especially now that you are pregnant. Please do not let him know you are pregnant so that other stories and manufactured cultural ish will not crop up suddenly.
More strength and wisdom to you
Your Sis in-laws mock you and your husband cheers them on ?
ReplyDeleteThey are only using YOU ! Find your peace sisterly ...
I can forgive anything but the talking behind your back and mocking you is unforgivable. Please annul the marriage and move on with your life.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is not stress and you are not to feel stressed out because you got married, actually you’re to feel lighter and more joyful, hopeful and expectant for a good future. I wonder why you accepted to marry at all. These feelings could not have just come on suddenly. You must take some of the blame for not living authentically and honouring truth. Why did you deny yourself to enter a union you did not desire, uproot your life, and put yourself in places you had no reason or desire to be? Please don’t pull this kind of stunt with your life ever again. Live truthfully and honestly, never deny who you are to fit into anyone else’s picture of who you should be and to become what you can never be!
I wouldn’t make a big decision while pregnant. Hormones can really make one think very deep
ReplyDeleteGo to Europe finish this pregnancy
See how he behaves as a father
Tell him how you feel about everything and then decide whether to come back or not