But somewhere along the line, the conversation became uncomfortable.
She started asking questions.
At first, I didn't think much of it. I assumed she was simply being friendly.
Then she started talking more openly than I was comfortable with, making comments about our clinic visits and our health.
She kept saying things like, "God will see us through."
I was sitting there thinking, Wait. Who is "us"? What exactly did I tell you that I am passing through?
There is something about people discussing your private life in front of another person that can make you feel completely exposed.
And in this case, her husband was sitting right there.
I became extremely uncomfortable.
The fact that you and your husband know about your own health status does not mean I have given you permission to discuss mine with him.
My privacy is still my privacy.
The fact that you and your husband know about your own health status does not mean I have given you permission to discuss mine with him.
My privacy is still my privacy.
That was what I wanted to say.
But unfortunately, I couldn't find the right words at that moment.
Sometimes, when you are caught off guard, you don't immediately know how to respond. You just sit there trying to process what is happening, wondering whether the person actually realizes how inappropriate their comments are.
So I kept quiet.
I didn't want to cause a scene inside somebody else's car.
I didn't want to start an argument.
I didn't want to say something I would later regret.
But the moment I got home, my brain suddenly became very active.
That's when I started thinking of all the replies I could have given her.
One million replies!
The perfect responses started coming to me one after another.
"Who told you I want your husband to know my business?"
"Because we attend the same clinic doesn't mean you have the right to discuss my health with your husband."
"Please don't use your own openness to decide how much information other people should share about themselves."
And suddenly, I wished I could rewind the entire journey and respond properly.
But that's the funny thing about life.
The perfect response often arrives when the person has already left.
You can be completely speechless in the moment, then three hours later, while taking your bath, cooking dinner or lying in bed, you suddenly remember the exact sentence that would have ended the conversation.
And let's be honest, sometimes the response you construct in your head is so perfect that you wish the person could somehow hear it retroactively.
But after I calmed down, I realized this wasn't really about finding the perfect comeback.
It was about boundaries.
Knowing someone from the same clinic does not give you access to their medical information.
Sharing the same doctor, pharmacy, clinic or support system does not mean everyone has agreed to have their personal business discussed publicly.
And if someone trusts you enough to share something private with you, that information should not become conversation material for your spouse, friends, relatives or anyone else.
You may be comfortable talking about your own situation.
That's your choice.
But other people deserve the right to make their own choice about who knows theirs.
Sometimes, people don't even realize they are putting someone in an uncomfortable position. They may think they are being encouraging. They may think they are trying to show solidarity by saying, "God will see us through."
But even good intentions don't erase the need for privacy.
If you know someone from a clinic, especially a clinic where people receive medication for sensitive conditions, please be mindful of the questions you ask and where you ask them.
But even good intentions don't erase the need for privacy.
If you know someone from a clinic, especially a clinic where people receive medication for sensitive conditions, please be mindful of the questions you ask and where you ask them.
Don't assume that because you know something about someone, they are comfortable discussing it in front of others.
And please, don't put people in a position where they have to defend their privacy publicly.
Some people are not silent because they don't have anything to say.
Sometimes, they are silent because they are trying to maintain their dignity.
That day, I didn't find the words.
But if I ever find myself in a similar situation again, I know exactly what I will say,
"Please, I don't discuss my private medical matters with other people. I would appreciate it if you respected my privacy."
Sometimes, they are silent because they are trying to maintain their dignity.
That day, I didn't find the words.
But if I ever find myself in a similar situation again, I know exactly what I will say,
"Please, I don't discuss my private medical matters with other people. I would appreciate it if you respected my privacy."
God heals and cleanses any form of diseases.
ReplyDeleteHe has given him a name above everything that in the mention of the name Jesus Christ, Every knee (Including HIV/AIDS) must bow and every tongue must confess him as the Lord.
Hiv is a name, and constant engaging Jesus Christ will chase it away one day.
DOZZYBEST.
Some people don't know how to talk
ReplyDeleteI understand how you feel, 😌 some people don't understand boundaries at all
ReplyDeleteVery anyhow person, chochocho
ReplyDeleteMtcheeewwww Gossip oshi
"The perfect response often arrives when the person has already left...
ReplyDeleteI feel you completely because at that moment one is thrown off guard because you were not expecting a full grown adult to be that dumb.
It happens to me alot and by the time i have a good clap back i am already at home and it will now be annoying me.
Most persons don't understand what is called personal boundaries. When it comes to sensitive matters, people should try to keep their unwarranted advice to themselves.
ReplyDeleteGreetings poster
This is why I rarely take rides from anyone except immediate family members. Once someone has cornered you in their vehicle you are forced to have a conversation with them, and it is they who will decide the direction of the conversation, as though your conversation is payment for the ride. I'll pay my fare and keep my peace thank you very much.
ReplyDelete