NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
STINGY SPOUSE ALERT!
I am a 26yrs old lady in a 2yrs marriage with a son. I have been having issues with my husband on finances, this I might have known if I was in the school of thought of allowing boyfriends spend on you while dating, I detest that a lot, I like walking out relationship with clear conscience so as such no dependency on boyfriend.
Fast forward to after wedding, I recently got employed with state gov but haven't been paid yet, I asked him for money for my personal upkeep and his reply was
''that's why I helped secured a job for you''
shocked But I swallowed it, a child came in and he won't even cater for him too since am taking care of myself with my salary.
He says he's saving up for our immigration, for crying out loud am OK with Nigeria BTW must we suffer to travel?.
Now I take care of our son alone with nobody to help .I am like a single mum and becos of his work location we don't stay together. We quarrel about anything that involves money, even when he comes visiting, he wants me to feed him throughout his stay without him dropping any money and when I bring it up, we quarrel, he's cool and sweet but this MONEY ehn, he earns well too, at least x3 of my salary.
In laws not helping even when I reported, WHAT DO I DO. continue living as a single mum? Help me...
See where your school of thought has landed you?You are even complaining and apologising on his behalf at the same time.
I dont know what to say to you except that you are paying the price for marrying a stingy man.
The signs during dating were there and i wonder why you ignored them.
Marrying a stingy spouse is the worst thing that can happen to anyone.Its like a prison room without windows or a door.
Stay strong...I cant deal!
Fast forward to after wedding, I recently got employed with state gov but haven't been paid yet, I asked him for money for my personal upkeep and his reply was
''that's why I helped secured a job for you''
shocked But I swallowed it, a child came in and he won't even cater for him too since am taking care of myself with my salary.
He says he's saving up for our immigration, for crying out loud am OK with Nigeria BTW must we suffer to travel?.
Now I take care of our son alone with nobody to help .I am like a single mum and becos of his work location we don't stay together. We quarrel about anything that involves money, even when he comes visiting, he wants me to feed him throughout his stay without him dropping any money and when I bring it up, we quarrel, he's cool and sweet but this MONEY ehn, he earns well too, at least x3 of my salary.
In laws not helping even when I reported, WHAT DO I DO. continue living as a single mum? Help me...
See where your school of thought has landed you?You are even complaining and apologising on his behalf at the same time.
I dont know what to say to you except that you are paying the price for marrying a stingy man.
The signs during dating were there and i wonder why you ignored them.
Marrying a stingy spouse is the worst thing that can happen to anyone.Its like a prison room without windows or a door.
Stay strong...I cant deal!
Poster ve u reported him to his parents? How can a man be dis wicked to his own son? Nawa o.
ReplyDeleteGaddammit!!!
ReplyDeleteThat's all I can say
Kpele ohh
~AbadaBeeDee~
God forbid bad thing!!!
ReplyDeleteHmn, Stella of life, same situation this school of thought landed me oh, this life is unfair sha. Poster, be strong and just know you are on your own, when you have an independent mind, I believe it would help.
ReplyDeletePoster ar u sure hubby isn't spending on anoda babe since u guys are nt living together. Open ur eyes and look wats beneath the surface.
ReplyDeleteHmm! Y are marriages of today having issues?
ReplyDeleteU re lucky 2 ve a job cos if not....
ReplyDeleteI've dated a stingy man, very stingy man, even stingy to himself. Had to leave d relationship cos of that and other reasons. Won't advice u to leave ur marriage, u can only hope for a miracle plus birth d number of children your salary can sustain. All the best.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is for better for worse,u hv to bear ur cross, being stingy is nt enough reason for uto leave him
ReplyDeleteI don't like stingy men at all..chai!! Kpele o BV!! Pray he starts been considerate cos a stingy man will always be a stingy man..
ReplyDelete***GodsOwnPrincess***
My advice is just manage to spend for you and your son. When your husby comes home, pls dnt feed him since he didn't drop any money. If he want to eat, let him drop some money. U r not the husband in the house and pls dnt make a mistake of getting pregnant unless he change.
ReplyDeleteStellz why so harsh?
ReplyDeleteIf i hear wic dead skul of tot be dat? My skul of tot says d spending has to start from day one.
ReplyDeleteMy advice is just manage to spend for you and your son. When your husby comes home, pls dnt feed him since he didn't drop any money. If he want to eat, let him drop some money. U r not the husband in the house and pls dnt make a mistake of getting pregnant unless he change.
ReplyDeleteWow. Very serious...... Rmber him in ur prayers o. There's nothing prayers can't do. Lemme read advice bikonu
ReplyDeleteHian
ReplyDeleteThings women go tru
That's a superstingy man there; he can't even drop money for his own child's welfare.
You said you complained to him and he gave you one kain reply so I dunno if I should say sit him down and talk again.
Find a way to make him understand that the load is much on you and that you will appreciate if he assist you a little.
All the best.
Wtf!
ReplyDeleteThis guy is the height of stingyness lol
Even to your own son
Kai I can't deal abeg
Some men dont try at all. What a shame its not as if he is not working
ReplyDeletesorry oo @poster,u took it too far..its nt bad for ur bf to spend mony on u.jst dont mak it a habit.wen i met my hubby i didnt ask him for a single cent for 3mnts. wen he saw dis, he placed me on a monthly allowance cos i didnt pester him.unknown to him i had started tinking he was a stingy person,didnt no he was testing me.. dere is notin u can do dan to pray nd hope he changes,constant quarelling wont solve d prob,it will increase it. gosh i hate stingy people..wish u d very best dear
ReplyDeletePoster I must say u are in a serious problem that need divine intervention, go on ur knees nd cry to God nd also wit d help of ur pastor dats if ure a christian. How can a man be tight fisted towards his own child! Dats way too shocking
ReplyDeleteIt's so so better to marry a poor man than to marry a stingy man.
ReplyDeleteDon't even know what to say to you because you caused it all by yourself.I pray he changes for good.
I used to have this same thought o
ReplyDeleteBut I changed my mind immediately I read ur story
As from today I'm collecting money from my BF
No time for stories
thats bad! u cnt change a man.u gave DH d impression dat u could take care of ur bills, u started it at first and thou shall continue. keep enduring
ReplyDeleteI was jusdt going to say that! He is stingy!
ReplyDeleteI have always been of the opinion that whole dating, a man should spend on you. Let him pick the bills at the same time give room for him to know that you can still treat yourself good without his dough.
Madam, I really don't know what to tell you cos you started this way with him and he had decided to dwell on this pattern. Isn't this better single than married?
All the best!
Stella, God bless and replenish your purse. You too much!
Oya release comment!
That's why is good to at least ask when you're still dating, inorder not to meet the stingy ones.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't have to be all the time, but a boyfriend/husband should use his brains na, to think that he doesn't even spend on hid own child self.
My dear your husband's own stinginess is out of this world oh
Hain! Pele dear, stay strong. Shebi u dint like ur exes spending on you, gux u learnt frm your past. So, now ts only normal make ur hubby no spend on u then, as u dont like a man spending on you.
ReplyDelete#Stellawi, abeg o, i cant send links with my fone o! please o, i beg you pick me please, been a visible Bv for like 6 months o!
i need money like i need Air, God bless your good heart.
*Ayah Shehu*
i need the give away shogofunsho@gmail.com
ReplyDelete#teamplease
This wudav been my story bt thank God I ran fast! Dude wan marry bt no wan spend, works in a good oil n gas firm wher he's paid in dollars yet he's a stingy person,he stingy to e sef join... abeg I run!
ReplyDeleteI'm in the same school of thought (Miss Independent). But, whether u let a man spend on u or not, if u want to see if he's a stingy man, u will.
ReplyDeleteWe ladies try to turn a blind eye to certain things even when they are staring at us in the face.
Abeg I can't deal! Baba God Abeg help your children.
I'd rather marry a broke man than a stingy man.
Naw wa o dis z bad...I guess na only God cn change ur hubby..pray 4 God's help
ReplyDeletePoster, kpele o. But u ve to sit him down and talk things over. Some spouse don't know how to give. U can simply teach him but with love. Buy him gifts alwaz, give him a surprise birthday during this process don't expect anything in turn. Keep spoiling him with gifts and watch them all coming back to you. Don't freak out urself this Christmas. One love
ReplyDeleteHian!!!! A̶̲̥̅̊m also in that school ooo....na we d̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ pay our school fees cuz I believe say if I N̶̲̅☹ give am punani, I shouldn't collect even #100 lichard kaird from him.
ReplyDeleteWell..... I dnt know how I will change dt mindset o. Nyways poster, like my mama d̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ do, if oga N̶̲̅☹ bring money he is not entitled to lick salt. S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ whether they pay U̶̲̥̅̊ or not, cook 4 U̶̲̥̅̊ nd ur son......make d oloriburuku go soak sand drink #my2cents
Nne! Dis ur husband matter ehn odikwa serious that how an aunt of mine who had a stingy man had to resort to stealing the man's money since the man would not drop jejely. It is well
ReplyDeleteUr husband is actually frustrating u my love,men Sha.
ReplyDeleteIt well with you dear
ReplyDeleteHmmmm!
ReplyDeletePoster, for now stop complaining about the money. Keep calm , cool down and strategies better!
Don't think u follow stingymen with gra gra. Na small small lie u go dey tell am to get money. Just lay low like d mumu he wants u to be and plannn well... he will vomit dt money by force with time!
All d best*
#justnotfair#
*i hate stingy people*
I guess DAT man is not thinking straight so becus u re saving for immigration or family should die wit hunger
ReplyDeleteChai dis kinda men are terrible,God pls let such men Stay far awy From me biko
ReplyDeleteI dnt even knw wt to advice
Getting married to a stingy man is the worst thing that can happen to any woman.My dear sister even if you didn't want him to spend on you while dating, there are instances where you should have made some request. From there you would have caught a glimpse of this bad side of his.You even made a mistake reporting him to his family.
ReplyDeleteWell, I think you should make him know how you feel about his attitude, it's a different thing if he does not have.
The fact that you stay apart is another reason for concern, what if he has another woman living with him that he is spending on.The decision lies with you my dear sister
Always start a marriage the way you mean to go on. There is nothing wrong in allowing your fiance spend on you...its actually in your own best interest. For example, if your fiance spend $1 on himself, let him spend $2 or more on you if possible. You will understand the benefit when you get married.
ReplyDeleteSerious mata o
ReplyDeletehmm..pele.. my opinion...never marry a stingy man,u will regret it..y didnt he spend during the relationship?..is it that he did not offer u money @all?..well money should not be the foundation on which a relationship as some women will want to form independent woman...but... u should be able to find out if he is a giver for the sake of ur relatuonship if ur taking it somewia...all this things is luck sometimes shaa..ive seen guys that spend during relationships but when u marry them..they will become stingy..take heart..talk to ur husband ,pray you will be fine
ReplyDeleteI can't deal either. Pele.
ReplyDeleteThank God u are working....hunger 4 show u lesson 101.....#staystrongsha
ReplyDeleteBLOG ANALYSER: it is a terrible thing! Na God save me from one stingo ooo if not we for dey the same place now. My sister it is already a done deal. I accept it the way it is. I know some stingy people around bt their husband try as much as possible to provide for their children. U really need wisdom here. U use substle ways to collect money from him. Tell him u are broke not in a nagging manner. Like when taliking to him u can say" honey honestly I really need to get this for our baby no money. kai! na God hand we dey with this Jonathan wahala called government" change styles from time to time. Tell him wen he visit that u need get so nd so pls does he have 2k or 1k pls he should lend. My sister na styling things oo
ReplyDeleteThank God u are working....hunger 4 show u lesson 101.....#staystrongsha
ReplyDeleteToo bad! Be strong woman
ReplyDeleteA MAN WHO FAIL TO CATER FOR HIS FAMILY IS WORST THAN AN INFIDEL,THAT'S WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS.
ReplyDeleteHaaaaaaa! I had this same school of thought while in my 1st nd 2nd year bvut after I read this kind story one time like that.....I chnged and sumersaulted oo. Now, I ask and I receive sometimes; but atleast I ask now. Ur hubby is now use to not giving u money that's y
ReplyDeleteThis is invitation to death.. As u let the womans independency override your thoughts.... U have gotta look for a biz for extra source of income...
ReplyDeleteChai!!
ReplyDeleteOgini
Madam just continue to work hard
And pray for God to work on Him
And ask God to prosper you.
Shikena!!
Nawah ,earning three times your salary, then what's he doing with the moey? Abi he keeps concubines outside and you don't know. Ohhh, Biko check well ohh
ReplyDeleteGenny baby
ReplyDeleteHow are you?
How is your leg?
Ijekwa uka ta?
The mentality of he/she will change attitude is what is destroying mist marriages today, u are very much aware of his aka gum,yet u ignored, I hate stingy men with passion, if u don't want to leave him, then cheat on him with a rich guy cos he deserves it, now I understand y some women cheat on their hubby.
ReplyDelete@stella the man is not stingin,she only started what she can't finish, you were busy doing please don't worry I will sought it out dear, you made it a norm! Now the guy don become dryfish wey person no fit bend my dear am just get ready cause things will remain these way for a very long time! God will give you wisdom
ReplyDeleteHaaaa this is serious....my advice to u dear is to take the matter to God there's nothing he can't do that I believe
ReplyDeletePls who is responsible for the house rent?Just asking o, but if you are the one I wish you all da best in this journey of yours.
ReplyDeleteHow can u be married and living single that's total madness call his family attention to it if no head way am sorry u have to back out from that slavery call marriage
DeleteNa wa ooo. Which kain gbege be dis wan? So bcos he helped u got a job, u should solely shoulder d family responsibilities like a single mum. Kai, some men are wicked sha.
ReplyDeleteHope he's not catering for a sidechick,since u said u stay in different locations? Na innocent question I ask ooo.
Try telling him ur salary is delayed and see his action. All d best.
Father lord, please don't bring a stingy spouse my way.
ReplyDeleteAmen
I was one of those Independent woman wannabe
Oh I suffered!
No more!
I am all for managing with my bobo, but he has to be faithful in little biko
No matter how little
Then I can return the favour in my little way too
Socks and boxers no dey expensive
Poster, sorry o
I no get advise for you
May God touch his heart
Take it to God in prayers.
ReplyDeleteThe heart of a king is in his hands.
Since he have the money but don't carter for his family my dear you just have to put it in prayers, God will touch his heart.
For now try and manage, even if you nag him he won't change his attitude, is only God who can help you change him.
It's is well .
I feel ur pain. It shall b well wt u. Beside hw long is he gona tk 2 save for ur immigration?so if it's 2yrs,he wudnt feed u guys. Sincerely I tink u shud sit him down&talk it out,its like u don't mk him see it d way u mkin us see it. So he feels u re ok.
ReplyDeleteHmmm! You don enter one chance.May God help you oh!please stop feeding him if he is not providing feeding money.save for your self and child o! The lord is your strength.
ReplyDeleteI'd better change this my mentality too before its leads me into a situation like this, I'm this believer that my boyfriend should give me money 'cos he's not my father
ReplyDeleteWas of the same school of thought o..but mehn, truly, men are supposed to care for their women.so I gave it a rest. If you offer, I will jejely collect. Now, I even dey ask join.
ReplyDeleteYou said he's cool except for the money issues. How can he be cool when he has refused to should his responsibilities? I'm not married yet so I don't know what kind of advice to give you...keep telling him how you feel and pray as well for God to change his mind.
ReplyDeleteNawaooo..dear poster are u sure his money is not going somewia else?
ReplyDeletea.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said...
ReplyDelete.
This dude needs heavy slap i swear... Abroad wey him go first, if go no go him go fit marry one lady there come forget about yu and the kid.... Divorce the baga bcos he doesnt care about yu a bit....
*GLO BRING 3G TO KONTAGORA*
.
.
***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***
So sad , so men these days are so cheap they leave their entire responsibilities on their wives.
ReplyDeleteIt's quite unfortunate that someone who calls himself your husband would not spend money on you,or ur child, so who will he spend the money on na? Abi babe's outside dey collect am? This thing is bad o, people get married and challenges that are not necessary comes up..as for me I would face God,my family and my career, I must look very very well before getting married!
ReplyDeleteNa wah, I can understand and tolerate if he does not have but to have and not give, that one na helele o,I ve been there and still go thru that cos my spouse does not have do I endure cos I know its only temporarily
ReplyDeleteHahahah @ I can't deal Anty stella,dear poster I dnt even know what to say to this,stingyness *pheww*
ReplyDelete#Sweetness
Stingy men, can't deal!
ReplyDeleteA stingy guy disgust me, @ poster, dnt continue living as a single mom, abeg make una quarrel again abou d issue bt dis time wit a result dat he must cater for his son nd since he's saving a fortune for una travelling, he can meet u half way aleast contribute half of d sum dat will enable u take care of his son.
A man who cannot ale care of his wife and family is worse than an infidel. You made the mistake, face the consequences. Be ready for a torturous/unhappy rest of your life. Get busy, worker harder or take the easy route, get out of that bondage you call marriage.
ReplyDeleteThis is what happens when girls act all am not a 'money lover'and overboard with their descency cause they want to be seen as wife material. I can't do that shit. I've struggled to survive all my life and marrying a stingy man is more than a nightmare to me. Deal with it madam cause you are the 'causer'.
ReplyDeleteI've been told of a man whose wife treats him the way your husband does. The woman is a very senior officer in the civil service but seems to have sworn to an oath not to spend any money of hers in the home. She would rather buy something as minute as 'maggi cube' on credit if the husband is not around to give her the money.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, next time he comes visiting, set the table very well with covered empty dishes. Let him discover for himself that that was all you could afford.
U were forming miss independent naaa...sit it out...even if I earn money, oga dey drop allowee join. There r babes whose men pay for trips to paris for shopping..it doesn't mean they depend on d men 4 money. Be forming miss independent n marry him,when he won't drop kobo,u run to stella. Shift abeg.
ReplyDeleteThey're already married with a son.
DeleteIf ur hubby can't provide for u plz cheat on him, a big Ntoor for u, endure ur marriage vos dats wat u bargained for, can't date a stingy man let alone marry one, u are better off single.
DeleteI hate stingy men don't knw why
DeletePoster, if he doesn't give u money for feeding, pls don't cook any food for him. But I won't advice u to leave him sha o.
ReplyDeleteThis one hard me oh, to change stingyness is not like changing boxers. It has to come from the person's mind. Maybe when he comes around you both can have a chat about it and as long as he is dropping cash before leaving for his base then feeding him nor be wahala.
ReplyDeleteIf he refuse to change then focus on your well being and that of your child.
A man that's stingy, I just can't stand em. Dated one few years back, he'll ask me to come and see him even transport fare back I nor go see. He finally bought me one phone and gave me some money(not plenty cash oh) we dated for about 2 years plus and I left him.
Fast foward to my 3rd year in marriage(married someone else) he is asking me to give him his phone and cash, one can just imagine!!!
Lwkmd
DeleteOMG! RTFLO! I'm sorry it's just too funny. Men! be thanking your God o! See the bullet you dodged.
DeleteGet used to it dear......the foundation was wrongly built. As your hubby, he wont change either, for peace to reign just pray for strength from God.
ReplyDeleteExactly @ wrong foundation.
DeleteModeration is the key in everything.
So she paid for their outings too during courtship so as to walk out with clear conscience ...
Pray for God to change him coz you can't nag this one away
My dear poster, you made your bed so lay on it.
DeleteYou were dating a guy that doesn't spend a kobo on you .
What makes u think he will spend when u guys are married?
Sorry ooh
You knew from the start
Okpa aku eri eri
It is well
My Dear, marrying a stingy spouse isn't gonna be easy at all.. That's if you plan on still getting married to this man.. I'm a living witness .."My parents" and its never easy.. Arguments , fighting daily .. Mehn.. God will help you ... #barnyemordi@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteThis one na one chance o, u can only talk to baba God,he willl see you thru.
ReplyDeleteObviously your husband doesn't know the role he has to play as a husband and father.
ReplyDeleteWhat's wrong with most men these days? Are they TV trained or something?
What you need now is prayers for him to change, cos the problem had been from the beginning, all the same ur son will always be urs, so take care of him anyway u can, not minding what the father is doing
ReplyDeleteClueless, lemme wait for people's comments.
ReplyDeleteChai !
ReplyDeleteOne chance for life !
My only 2 cent advise is that God to soften his heart through your prayer.
On your knee sister, close your eyes, raise your hand in worship, pray and pray
News u, continue in your suffering. You see one of the Saturday laughs wey sey, it is your right to collect from your bobo. She I Na your bobo, a I Na ex bobo d thing talk sef? O jare, all Na the same. Your school of thought no teach you well. Next time when he comes, Sidon did look am, no hive am food. Tell am sey u de wait make e bring money make you take go market buy stuff. U de try oh. I sure sey that handwriting, you erase am with whiteboard market jump enter no eh.lol
ReplyDeleteMadam just take very good care of yourself and your son,men of dis days ehn
ReplyDeleteI just so pissed... School of thought indeed. Is that a marriage or is that hellfire. Stupid girl, I am sure you are judgemental, you look down on girls that are being spoilt by their men, now see where that landed you. Let your school of thought feed you and your son, since is you decided to be blinded by that monster you call a husband...yes that's what I call a stingy man. Stella Biko don't waste your advice on this girl.... My dear poster, just sit down and think about your life, is this the kind of life you want to subject your self and kids to? If yes, hang on to that marriage or better like most blog visitors would advice you, take your problems to God, then maybe he can undo the mess you made...my two cents PH GAL
ReplyDeleteYour vex make me laugh
DeleteEyah..the lord is your strength..dunno what to say..
ReplyDeleteSon of Solomon
Honestly dont knw wat to tel u but u hav to stand up to him. You re his wife n not his maid.wen he comes home dont feed him,cook only 4 ur son and wen he goes, cook well and eat.though it seems u love him more than he does.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts exactly! She loves hime more that is why I support what Stella said about complainig and apologising for him at the same time.
DeleteWhen next he's coming wear a torn cloth on ur son and yourself. Cook something watery, when he asks tell him U haven't be paid for the month. Watch his reaction.... If no change from him then U're in deep shit. Bye
Nne eh,continue in your suffering. You see one of the Saturday laughs wey sey, it is your right to collect from your bobo. SheyINa your bobo, abi Na ex bobo d thing talk sef? O jare, all Na the same. Your school of thought no teach you well. Next time when he comes, Sidon did look am, no hive am food. Tell am sey u de wait make e bring money make you take go market buy stuff. U de try oh. I sure sey that handwriting, you erase am with whiteboard market jump enter no eh.lol
ReplyDelete*sorry the former comment typos.
I am just so pissed... School of thought indeed. Is that a marriage or is that hellfire. Stupid girl, I am sure you are judgemental, you look down on girls that are being spoilt by their men, now see where that landed you. Let your school of thought feed you and your son, since you decided to be blinded by that monster you call a husband...yes that's what I call a stingy man. Stella Biko don't waste your advice on this girl.... My dear poster, just sit down and think about your life, is this the kind of life you want to subject your self and kids to? If yes, hang on to that marriage or better still, like most blog visitors would advice you, take your problems to God, then maybe he can undo the mess you made...my two cents PH GAL
ReplyDeleteHmmm...this is serious! Odikwa egu o, will just seat in for comments jare since I Neva marry, I don't knw what to advice o.
ReplyDeleteReally cant deal too. Any man that doesn't take care of his family is worse than an infidel. The proof is in the holy book. I don't know what to advise u that will help but all I can say is please continue to look after ur child. God bless ur effort
ReplyDeleteNa wa o.... this is serious...
ReplyDeleteReport him to his mum, if nothing happens, involve your mum, if not, you will suffer it in future especially when you go abroad and if you divorce him there, they will curse you without knowing your pains.
ReplyDeletePlease don't take in again until you see some changes,cos if he can't provide for one , 2 will be your do.... God bless
That's why I allow my boyfriend do any spending. If he needs help,I offer the little I have sometimes but most times he declines and that's it! I don't persist o. Afterall I am a student that needs all the help. Thank God he understands and tries to be there for me any way he can. To your tent oh israel things. Let the wise ones help you out here.
ReplyDeleteAeegurl...
Mtchewwwwww.... some women and their poor mentality na wa. U detest asking a man for assistance during dating so that they'll say u'r a gud girl abi. Good for u ooo. If na so dem dey take label prsn good, i prefer to be bad o. In a rshp , u must check everything. A man that dosn't give u while u'r dating will not change wen u'r married. . If u like good girl, if a man is not giving u, smone else smwer is collecting it. Sit down look na dog name. I'm employed and earn my own income but i can't date a guy that can't take care of me or pamper me wt d necessary things. Even when we marry, i must collect money for my monthly upkeep. My salary na for support for my home and extended family but u must stand up to ur responsibility as a guy if i must date u. Madam u beta manage am like because na wetin u start. It is what you allow that happens to u. No be now u wan start to dey open eye for am. Take heart u hear.. i just hope u don't learn d hard way.
ReplyDeleteAm sure ur one of those that used 2 aabuse other girls that men were spending on..mrs independent.na u destiny's child sing that song for.sebi u were doing big girl.oya naa!continue.
ReplyDeleteAbeg poster no vex,the thing no dey my mind,na my previous comments I dey find
ReplyDeleteSorry about your predicament but the only way I can help you is for you to drop your comments as well in the stella santa post hehehehehe so you fit get luck chop the awoof atleast that will take care of some of your expenses...
Hmmm
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly the kind of man my sister is married to oh, hers is even worst she isn't working and has 4 cute kids....her husband is so stingy and wicked that he can't even refer his wife's siblings for job to his businessmen friends
Poster I don't know what to tell you oh, but what I always say to my sister is, she should hang in there for her kids sake. You are even lucky you're working.
Toke my love said it on one of vlogs; even if u cn afford it, let a man handle it. Make him feel u need him financially. Stop acting d big chick n picking all ur tabs alone. @op @least u hv a job plus he is saving aint it. Most importantly STOP CARRYING MATTER 2 INLAW!
ReplyDeleteWhen u r ready to let him stop this nonsense, u act cos u r d one fuelling him.
ReplyDeleteHow can you be feeding him, taking care of yourself & kid at d same time despite him earning more than u, & u expect him to sit up.
It's time to develop a thick skin dear. Stop buying that flimsy excuse of his.
Demand for your right anytime & anyhow u can.
Stingy ppl always have a way of lying to suit their habbit.
He's using that quarrel to scare u away from asking. Don't stop! Keep demanding, it's his responsibility.
If u can't get him to be taking care of u & kid, stop using ur own to take care of him too.
ur hubby z cheating biko
ReplyDeleteBiko!!! why do you want to destroy a total strangers marriage. What kind of STUPID comment is this??? Can't we all take 'cheating' out of it and get a better reason besides that??? No make stranger head swear for you ooo cos anony or not, the swear go romance you well.
DeleteI have this same mentality too
ReplyDeleteLol. You better rearrange your line of thoughts before you enter one chance.
DeleteOn a more serious note, there is nothing wrong with independency but it becomes a problem when the man takes advantage of it and deny the woman certain rights and benefits.
Poster you need Jesus on this your matta ooooo. I feel for you.
I have this same mentality too
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend too is very stingy,always crying idon't have money.
ReplyDeleteBut he likes sex well...
I'll soon drop his sorry arse soon.
Seriously don't know how y'all do it...y d heck won't my bf spend on me,infact he should b paying heavily 4my serrvices#lool...Nwayz c where ur sch of thought had landed u,got nuffng 2say oda dan sorry
ReplyDeleteHmm my sister your school of thought isn't da best o. Me I believe in my man spending for me and I for him (give n take).
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should ask him to borrow you money but don't pay back. Abi wetin I go talk?
U bth quarrel over hs basic rights as the man of d hous,if he ws jobless dat wld av bin an understatemnt ,bt he hs nt. he even earns triple times dan u nd don't contribute a penny to d house .ok letsay he doesn't send, u wat abt hs baby.and u still call him sweet nd cool..madam U NID JESUS.
ReplyDeleteIt is well ooo, misskarex@ gmail.com
ReplyDeleteDear poster,when ever he comes visiting don't feed him...
ReplyDeleteShikena....
You brought this upon yourself cuz you practically financed the relationship and ya horseband got used to it.Who knows why he married you?
ReplyDeleteGross irresponsibility on his part, won't be surprised if he spends his money on gfs whilst he is giving you fibs and lies.
Lets even assume stinginess is in his blood what about his son? Babe, stop being stupid, put on your thinking cap, tell him you haven't been paid, let him be a father to his son and not a sperm donor.Even the bible says we are helpmates .Are you guys supposed to starve to death cuz una wan migrate?
Dear husbands, please stop shying away from your responsibilities, a wife should support and not be the bread winner.
'Let him be a father to his son and not a sperm donor'
DeleteWord!
Word!
DeleteSorry o! Poster! I think you are stuck with this. Wait and see if the immigration thing clicks and when u relocate, he might start spending. All the best, just keep asking him and trying your luck, he might change.
ReplyDeleteDis man is so stingy,even to his own blood.na WA o.madam u created dis foundation frm d vry beginning.u've got to deal with it.may God touch his heart soon to care for his family.
ReplyDeleteifeel for u o!
ReplyDeletei know how that feels and before you know it hatred will come crawling in like darknesss crawls in at night. I wont advise u to divorce his sorry ass becos he is stingy. u just have to work it out. Maybe he is spending his money on his relatives but u sef, na u reap wetn u sow, i hate all these girls screaming independence.At the end of the day u end up with a stingy koko.And u regret it for the rest of ur life, meanwhile the recievers will keep recieving from their husbands. Good luck to u
In-laws not helping matters how? Did they encourage him to starve you and the child? I hope you are not making unreasonable demands?
ReplyDeleteThere needs to be another family meeting with his family and yours present. Your demand is to have an agreed housekeeping allowance paid into your account every month.
It's good he's saving towards something that would benefit the whole family.
I hate stingy guys enh?!
ReplyDeleteChai!
D sin of stingyness is as d sin of witchcraft.
Stingy people can't make heaven.
Oriegwu
U started dis wahala ursef so stay till d end.... Dnt v advice fr u
ReplyDelete~@iamjbankz SA to President Jonathan 2015~
Just like d guy am seeing now,I don't know if he is stingy or he truthfully doesn't have d money, but u can't pick up bills for ur girl and u claim u do business, u can't pay for her hair, pay cab fare,buy lunch, haba it's painful na. Am not saying do major spending for me o but picking up little bills goes a long way. Abeg am done been miss nyc girl o, call me MONICA I don't care
ReplyDeleteSame thing with this dude i'm dating. I have gradually lost interest cos I think he is just playing smart. He reads this blog too and I hope he sees this to understand why I have gone cold on him.
DeleteWow,first time to comment with ID
ReplyDeleteno matter how well a lady is, her man must show care by spending.i dont belong any school of thought.i just feel a man should know when to spend on her woman and vice versa.
ReplyDeleteWomen and numerous complaints with stories for the God's. You wanted to marry, you have married. Let us rest. If he was so stingy, you would have known with little things. A selfish and stingy person is stingy with every aspect of their lives. They are stingy with their time, space, money, and emotions sef.
ReplyDeleteStory! People are stingy with different things biko. Some stingy men are even more emotional, na dem fuck pass too!
DeleteManage my sister
ReplyDeleteAbeg stop giving him food anytime he visited. If he wnt to eat let him bring money.
ReplyDeleteGod forbids if u n ur child die of hunger, let me kn if he will immigrant ur corps n that of ur child were ever he wnt to immigrant to.
Some people dnt hv sense Sha.
Na una type dey first tell single ladies enjoying their lives to go n marry @ any given opportunity as if d starting n finishing goal in life is to be married. Sorry oo Mrs.
ReplyDeletemadam , you're not a single mum but a widow btw wat do u mean he is a sweet person? can u explain dat pls? a man dat can't cater for his first fruit out if wickedness? u re mad! nonsense.
Deletesecondly, wat do u want us to do biko? u 're either.in or out nd ppl lik u will come on dis blog to ask why.a gal is single @29 knowing full well u 're a widow.
DeleteFollow me talk ooo.. ms k.
DeleteDon't mind her, sweet ko! Sweet without finances, where does it happen. Romance without finance equals to nuisance.
DeleteRule no 1: always allow the male partner to spend on u d female even while dating. In African culture, a man takes care of a woman and not d other way around. Being a feminist doesn't help either.
ReplyDeleteRule no 2 :Ladies that guy that doesn't spend on u from his little, wont give more than d a dime with his plenty.
Rule no 3: that he gives u money as u also give him sex doesn't mean u are a runs girl... it's a relationship! Everyone performs their roles accordingly
Most ladies by pass these financial rules of a relationship as the poster and goes ahead to complain when reality hits head-on . Poster u have to pray for God to create another source of income cos praying for him to change na long thing. Tho he may have a major lesson served to him. And pls, don't have another child. If in laws talk, direct them to d nearest transformer.
10000likes
DeleteNice!
DeleteIt is as simple as that Butterscotch.
DeleteMadam, your son must be well fed. Close eye and keep feeding your child. Spend not 1 kobo on your husband. He is spending his money on something or someone else. Meanwhile, a man should show that he can take care of you in 1 way or the other. It is not begging, it is called responsibility. While dating, he should atleast give you gifts and you can reciprocate. Na so e dey be.
ReplyDeleteIt's called "Aka nri kwuo aka ekpe aka ekpe akwuo aka nri in my dialect. Stingy folks? Naaaa can't deal...
DeleteHmmmm.....lemme consult ifa...wait,am coming..........
ReplyDeleteMy dear u allowed it o,n u let it grow,I dunno wat u can do at dis stage cos d tin don strong well well. Maybe u can sit him down n talk 2 him,pour out ur heart to him,appeal 2 his conscience,don't bring it up at a bad time,look 4 wen he's in a good mood n lovingly bring it up. Goodluck
ReplyDeleteNawa o. All these sobs stories of marriages sef o...una just dey make pesin fear to marry. Its a mans job to provide for the family whether the wife works or not. Haba now.
ReplyDeleteMy dear have no fear...just pray for God to give you the best when the time comes. All these sob stories here doesn't mean that's how all marriages are. I'll take risk of sounding smug but I am married to a good man. Of course you'll have ups and downs...show me the person that is perfect but you'll get through it and be there for each other. Marriage is a sacred and beautiful institution between two people with love and mutual respect for each other, a union that joy will abide in once you are right for each other...All the best dear...
DeleteMy dear have no fear...just pray for God to give you the best when the time comes. All these sob stories here doesn't mean that's how all marriages are. I'll take risk of sounding smug but I am married to a good man. Of course you'll have ups and downs...show me the person that is perfect but you'll get through it and be there for each other. Marriage is a sacred and beautiful institution between two people with love and mutual respect for each other, a union that joy will abide in once you are right for each other...All the best dear...
Delete@ Poster,it is well oooo
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, believe me when I say I understand what you are going through, because am in a similar situation. It is depressing I must say. Let me use this opportunity to rant...... How can a husband be so stingy to the extent of not buying paracetamol for his wife. Does not give her money for upkeep. I have to put pressure before feeding money comes out. Yet he would rather send money to his family. A man that has refused to even buy prenatal vitamins for me, yet bought for himself. Thank God you have a child oh. I pay my medical bills myself, cos he doesn't have money to spare. I struggle to do business to make ends meet all he does is ask how much am making. Is that a man. I can't remember the last time this man gave me money to make my hair. And yet when people see me in my okrika, they praise the man for doing nothing, telling me am eating his money oh or your husband is taking good care of you. Then he stays there smiling sheepishly. I am done pretending, the next person to tell me that husband crap should be prepared for a shocker and i pray my husband is there. If as a woman i have not been found wanting in my duties as a wife, i see no reason why my husband should. Yet they say Igbo men take care of their wife's......... BULLSHIT. I am tired of struggling alone and doing a man's job.......... Stingy husband is a death sentence. Poster i will remember you in my prayers. It is well with us.
ReplyDeletePls stop letting him take unmerited glory, shame the stingy man already! Inukwa akuko...
DeleteNa wa oo ! Lemmer jez read comments
ReplyDeleteThat man no get shame...haba! Drop something at least...I bet you he's spending on the side chick outside..
ReplyDeleteOdi egwu o. Poster. Its well
ReplyDeleteWhen he s coming around pack ur food stuff away leaving few of the baby's food and wen he asks for food,tell him ur food stuff is finished and u don't have money to buy .if its only u it can be a bit understandable but his own blood????vhe s really a stingy man and it will take the grace of God to change him
ReplyDeleteA bit understandable? His own wife? Damn. If u say so.
DeleteDis ur narratives no dey reach 2 again.kilode
ReplyDeleteErrrm, you do know you can make it two by sending in your own story. E no hard oo!!! Mtshewwww.
DeletePoster, just pray n manage what you have. He is not only a stingy man but unkind. Only God can change him. Cheers
ReplyDelete@ Poster, you are woman please use your feminique strength to milk him and be prayerful too cos some men are willing bt d forces beyond them wont allow.
ReplyDeleteSo sad poster...ur hubby is an akagummm and am very sure you saw the signs and ignored it due to ur dignified school of thought.....Love is all about giving,sharing,spending etc..so i wonde the kind of love you are ur STINGY hubby is practicing,..ΐ dislike stingy people like madt...
ReplyDelete*faithful BV enemuwe thelma
I really dont knw wat 2 say...lemme learn
ReplyDeleteNa wa o!!...i dont know whether marriage these days is a curse and no more a blessing. The stories i read on here just makes me want to pray harder for my marriage to last with no major issues.
ReplyDeleteChei! For the first time since I started reading this blog gazillion years ago, this is the first time a post is speaking to me oh. I follow poster for this school of thought and spend my own money. Na so the repercussion dey be?! Abeg Stella thank you for this one. Lemme better learn before e reach point of no return. Chei!
ReplyDeleteLol, learn osiso dear Anon.
DeleteSorry my dear. I so hate stingy men
ReplyDeleteI have a friend with this same school of thought"not allowing her bf to spend on her"I told her she is gonna find it difficult wen she marries.me,I believe in a guy spndn on me,nobe bf and gf again.d mature BVs will advise yu better ma'am
ReplyDeleteWaow, that is the height of stingyness. Even to his own child?
ReplyDeleteLOBATAN O!
ReplyDeleteNa wah ohhh,some pple stinginess na inborn
ReplyDeleteand my coment is nowere to be found...............again49
ReplyDeleteI pray make my man no spend for me oh! Hiaan! Evn bible say for God so "loved" the world tht he "gave his ONLY begotten son"...when u love someone u'll spend,u'll give! abeg no time for stingy men oh!
ReplyDeleteShuo! SDK which kain paying the price of marrying a stingy man be dat nao??? Me sef I don't believe in a guy paying my bills and almost wan take Miss Independent finish myself. But even before wedding my eyes clear small.
ReplyDeleteOP, hear this: PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN!!!
And I don't just mean one foot. NO! Put your FEET down. He is your husband, the father of your child, the head of the family, the ordained provider. SPEAK OUT, lady and Speak loudly and clearly.
Don't play a fool in your marriage. Be wise and be bold.
Tell him you'll have this no more. Even the Bible is backing you up. He is an infidel if he can't and doesn't take care of his wife.
Leave family members alone and talk to your man and deman your right and the right of your child.
No dulling o.
Chai, smh! I tire for wives wey no dey fit talk.
Poster,u are damn not serious,cos if u are u wouldn't have complained to inlaws,u would have given him back his cake,...
ReplyDeleteDis is what u will do,stop bringing up money issues,be d best wife u can be,and when he comes,buy half cartoon of indomie,serve him with indomie,morning,afternoon and night,while u make sure he watches u drink garri,with groundnut with ur son,(but be feeding ur son secretly) and if he complains tell him things are very difficult for u now,but dat u believe God will intervene soonest.OR u call him oneday,crying dat u have been duped of all money u have and dat u don't know what to do,(do dis when u know he is scheduled to come visit u guys 2days ahead)...he will have no choice but to spend on u guys and do it starts, if a stingy man dies,a stingy man will bury him abeg,whats dat nah?
I guess you are a Yoruba. When we were in school, Yoruba girls would use their feeding allowance to cook for their boyfriends. After marriage, they you see them complaining that they do not take care of them. Sorry, you cant change the rule at the middle of the game. Don't start what you cannot finish.
ReplyDeleteSome pple jst create their own storm and then cry for umbrella wen it starts to rain! My prayers with u though, God open hz hrt and hands of giving
ReplyDeleteAm the poster, for the record I didn't finance the dating, he was OK and I was, didn't want to depend on him then. If I call him am sick or jess having headache now, he will send money and ensure I go to the hospital for treatment. must I always pretend sick to get money from him.
ReplyDeleteAm the poster, for the record I didn't in any way finance the dating, he was OK and I was. If I tell him am sick or having jess headache he will send money for drugs and stay persistent that I go to the hospital for treatment. Buh monthly allowance or for child welfare, he start giving excuses and tales on me sacrificing as he's saving up
ReplyDeletePoster, a man that has refused to provide for you in his motherland would definitely find it difficult to drop shi shi in another man's land. Pray to God for directions and he would see you through. There is NOTHING GOD CANNOT DO. PS, along with prayer, shine your eye and find a solution quick before he ruins you.
DeleteKeep sacrificing o until you fade away. Pls kindly take advices you have received here and come up a strategy that will make him change rather than defending your stingy husband.
Deletewell i think he is cheating on you
ReplyDeleteWell I think you were dropped when you were a baby.
DeleteMy Principle is when u earn little be able to share and when u have more I belive he will still share
ReplyDelete..and after typing a long epistle. It disappeared! Hmm.
ReplyDeleteThis is just sad.
ReplyDeleteSad because there are MANY women like her. While its easy for me to criticise you for not seeing the signs before marriage, I will step back. The problem is bigger than being stingy, but what marriage means to both you and your husband. Its sad that this is the image of a man that your son is getting to see, and to prevent another woman from the next generation of suffering the same, it is important that you stage an intervention.
1) Pray and seek God completely.
2) Approach with wisdom and love
Now the issue might also be you. What do you have to offer. How much love are you showing? The best way to "kill negativity" is to spoil a person with love. Maybe you are ALWAYS asking him for stuff. This time around, focus on spoiling him with love, if he has any blood running through his veins, you will start seeing some change.
As u lay your bed so ...... Pls take care of your child and leave the rest to God. I hate stingy people. Tufia.u
ReplyDeleteTeach him generousity by being generous. If he dosent change,you will have 2 bring longsuffering(fruit of the spirit) into your marriage.
ReplyDeleteCunning man die
ReplyDeleteCunning man Bury am .
Speak out biko
Kai.. I'v learnt my lesson so I aint towing dis line again, Poster Ndo
ReplyDeleteHmmm. The bible says a man who cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel. Please communicate with him but in a calm manner and let him know that there are responsibilties he ought to tk cr of and you are a help meet not the sole provider. Please pray before talking and ask God to open his heart to understanding
ReplyDeleteThis is what I keep telling my friends but dey keep telling me dat dey wld change him. Me I dey mind my business now, dem no say dey no fit tell me stories dat touches later cos na so I go dey look dem anya anya.
ReplyDeletePoster prayer is d key n God is d solution now, he will touch him wt time.
*Rmn blessed*