SAD FEELING
How do I get my own husband? I have prayed,gone out and fasted,joined my church singles group who are mostly in their 20s,I am in my late 30s.
I truly do not know what to do again,I feel down.
Stop looking for a husband and relax...A Husband will find you at the right time!!!..It really annoys me to see Ladies desperate for a spouse as if they cannot function without one...Concentrate on making your life and self better and men who like good things will look for you.....looking for a husband inside church? Thts a scam and if you are not lucky eh, borthers will gbensh you well well and dump you!!!..stop feeling down and start building yourself!
Whenever you go out, just have fun. Remove your mind from boyfriend/husband. It will happen when you least expect it.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever looked at a man, and said this man does not befit being my husband?
ReplyDeleteIf you have done so, that shows you have also been selecting.
Selection is a part of the life process.
You select. Others select. Until you select a person who also selects you.
Maybe we now need a post on where husbands were found.
i know one like that was done during the COVID 19 lockdown period.
And please look for a husband (most married women did despite what they say today) but do not make it so obvious or desperately obvious.
Best wishes.
Mr. Mann
Nice one @Mr. Mann
DeleteThat's how at the church I always go to once once when I am not attending my catholic church, the pastor announced youth group and said all singles must join. I was kind of excited. We were to meet by 4pm. Me wey no dey like to go church twice in a day, I prepared and went. As I got there, na so I begin see children of 12,.13, 14 years. I had to ask one lady if it was the meeting the pastor announced earlier. She said yes, I shock. I managed to finish with them that day but I knew I will never remain in the group. Wetin I dey find.
ReplyDeleteUnless them begin arrest people wey single before I go fit pressure myself. Make nobody pressure me. Thanks.
Stella Until you understand the shame we face everyday as an advanced single ladies, you won't understand this chronicle. I have been insulted and even called a barren as a single lady because I chose God standard, getting married before having kids. I am 42 years, no relationship and single men doesn't even look my way anymore but married men and fxxck boys which I avoid always.
ReplyDeleteLadies, marriage is not everything. It is not a means to an end.
DeleteYou can have a fulfilled life without being married.
It is the society we live in that picks at single ladies.
You are not single because you failed. Determine to be happy, enjoy yourself, travel,do things.
Set goals,do courses etc.
I was 43 when I married. don't allow people to badmouth you because you are single.Just live and have fun.
Don't let anyone put you down. You are not less than those married.
Are you serious? You face shame for being single? What is so crucial about this marriage of the thing?My dear be happy, forget what society throws on you, enjoy your single hood and be grateful to God for life.♥️❤️
DeleteWanting it is fine
ReplyDeleteTry online
It’s the same people that are there
What am about to say might sound harsh, it's okay to just scroll pass my comment now if you don't want to hear it..
ReplyDelete.
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* Why are you really looking for a man? Life hard? You need a 'sponsor'? You dey find who you go carry responsibilities and liabilities give? Or you just need a companion... If it's the former, omo you go tey o.. maybe if you were younger, you did have more options cos some guys might not worry about taking up the liabilities, after all they're doing it for a young body with probably low mileage and less scars... Because the truth is most unmarried older ladies are very bitter which is something they caused by themselves because they were caught up in the attention they were getting in their prime and all of a sudden it fades and reality sets in, let's not add the mileage, menopause knocking and an average Nigerian babe that would never do exercise, but likes to eat food like a hungry lion, eba especially,. So of course,. With the lack of exercise and healthy living she begins to look old and worn out quickly.
* How is your attitude, perception, behaviour and perception of life in general. At this age, it would be a shame and very ridiculous to join under 25 to be shouting wives not cooks or to be saying you can never serve a man food, as the highest you can do is to cook, make he go serve himself, not to now talk of you waking up by 4:30 am to cook for a man who is going out to hustle for the family. What am asking is are you still living in delulu land and be joining amotekuns to be playing victims and insulting me everywhere.. Omo if na so, e go tey o.. you cannot continue doing a wrong thing and then disturbing God for a miracle. The gods won't do for man what man can do for himself,. In other words, na the things wey pass our power and knowledge Baba God dey help us do. No man wants a tiger for a wife, if you no dey bring peace,. Them go dey run.
* Are you an asset? What are you bringing to the table? Or are you among those that say you're the table,. As you're overrating the powers of your kpekus and womb?,.. don't get me wrong, some kpekus are the bomb.. some men are ready to d!e there for some pum pum even if the babe is a red flag but you see those pum pum.. e scarce.. stop deceiving yourself that you possess it because guys always tell you how swwt you are,. Forget that thing,. Na just courtesy.. if you get bomb pvssy,. You won't be single at this age.. so instead of getting mad when you see the discussion about what you bring to the table, this should actually make you look deeper and upgrade yourself to be that kinda lady you wish for your brother.
* Are you a feminist?? I no need talk anything more for here. If you are, I wish you well 🙏🏾
Dante you finish work here. I identify myself here idgaf .bye marriage
DeleteThis guy, in as much as I don't gbadun your immature and amotekun gists, I dey for you 100% on this. Most of these ladies are just looking for sheepy and simp life-time sponsors - after settling inside the house and born one pickin (especially if na boy), they turn disrespectful and non-submissive tigers. I don't pity any single unmarried man or woman, except some widows and widowers that didn't directly or indirectly kill their spouses. In conclusion, I no like your comments most times but for this one, you nail am on the head. Carry go, my guy!
DeleteAnon 17:11 thank you for being a realist, that you were able to see Dante made valid points here means you too can work at the grey areas that made you say bye to marriage.
DeleteNone of the amoteks here would disagree with what Dante has put down here in their conscience, even though they would all cry foul openly due to bitterness.
The aims of blogs like this is to get opinions and perspectives so we could know the areas to amend our ways, but with the way and manner some of you feel bitter once the types of lifestyle you have lived that you know deep down is a mess is mentioned here, you begin to develop bitterness, reasons why some of us just come here to read and just laugh off the suffering and smiling life of pretences being displayed at times.
Develop yourself. Go to fun places alone and enjoy your own company. Also let trusted friends and relatives know you're open to being linked to a good man. Watch and pray.
ReplyDeleteDevelop yourself. Go to fun places alone and enjoy your own company. Also let trusted friends and relatives know you're open to being linked to a good man. Watch and pray.
ReplyDeleteYour life is beyond marriage. Dr Cindy Trimm got married for the first time at 60. I think this dilemma you find yourself in is more of the society we grew up in than not having a purpose. Once a lady is 24 here. They drum it into her head to get married. Infact. From day one, we groom the girl child for marriage. But i can tell you this that when you stand before God on the last day, He won't judge you about your marital status as Mrs so and so, rather what you did with your single years. The life he gave before you ever got married. So try discover your why first. The only time you need a relationship in the words of Dr Myles is when you don't need a relationship. You must first be consumed with your own purpose first for God to have no other option than to interrupt you and bring someone else into your life.
ReplyDeleteWhat i am saying in a nutshell is, Singleness is something to be embraced, and not run away from. Enjoy this moment on your way to be married.
I know the feeling, it is not easy and can be easily perceive from miles. Just keep doing things that make you smile, add to your qualifications, skills, enlarge your circle(randomly go out often to place like cafe, party, conference, tourist center etc) please when you go to such places don't be desperate to find company(crowd) except spirit leads, it's better you re alone, meditate
ReplyDeleteWishing you oil of favor upon you.
Already placed my comment before seeing yours. Thank you very much. Ma Stella. She is trying to scam God. Don't mind her. Going to church, serving God, and even join a group just because she dey find husband. Dey play. Empty minds will always attract themselves. And if you think marriage would make you happy, you better wake up. It is called life partner for a reason. You get a life first before getting a partner. Enough said.
ReplyDeleteGod will bring your husband at the appropriate time. During your waiting period. Develop yourself spiritually,financially and mentally. Don't wallow in self pity or be anxious. 🙏🏿🤗
ReplyDeletePls hold God tight, there's nothing He cannot do. Always pray and remind God of His promises, he will surely come true for you.
ReplyDeleteCalm Down Dear
ReplyDeleteYour Heart Desires Will Be Granted Soonest 🙏
Hello iya Boys
Go to online, TikTok dating connection.
ReplyDeleteDo you mean men dnt woo you at all or you are picky? Some of us needed to watch our behaviour while dealing with men
ReplyDeleteWhen people who married early (before 35) talk about these things, I laugh. It's the mockery most of them mask as advice I'm amazed at. The poster is not asking you, how you feel, nor is she asking if she's being too picky. All she did was rant, yes rant. A little word of encouragement and empathy would have gone a long way.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, I understand you because I'm 42 and not yet married too. I have no child but just people im talking too. I used to feel down too until I told myself worrying will not solve the issue because all it does is drain you of joy. I suggest you take your mind off it. Pick new hobbies and be open to talking to people. Please be picky as much as possible on who you give your time too. Why? Because giving access to those undeserving will drain you the more and will invite disrespect. Make a list of what you want in a man and what your deal breakers are and stick to them. Once you are very clear on the things you want, things will begin to fall in place. You are already advanced in age and that comes with experience so use your experience to vet and access them. Anytime you feel down take yourself out if you can afford it or go for a walk in your neighbourhood. Try to relax and avoid those who put pressure on you to get married or mock you for it.
Above all, don't forget God. Be careful.
Most people don’t trust God
ReplyDeleteContinue praying
In the place of prayer God will change you and change you and change you till you become a product he can trust
Then he can release you to a don of his, who will care for you and you care for him
What the contents of your prayer
What is the structure of your life
What are your prayer regiments as an individual
What mountain can your prayer move
Maybe you are the mother of the next Benson Idahosa,Smith Wigglesworth,karthyn Khulman,Alika dangote, Elon Musk or Stella Dimoko korkus
Keep praying
Keep believing
Keep pushing
Never marry below your standard
Never enter any mana house because if desparation
You are blessed.
DeleteI am not going to judge you harshly because this life ehh! You never knew what it has in stock for you.
ReplyDeleteI got married at 38.
At 23-28 I was in the university because of not starting early because of family issues and strike.
All my years in university I had only 1 boyfriend. I knew he wasn’t the one because he slapped me ones and was very diabolical.
I went to service in Abuja and didn’t have any reasonable relationship that could lead to marriage. I stayed in Abuja for 7 years that made me 35 years, akwa ya? Ok.
Whilst in Abuja, I went to churches, went back to university for masters, attended conferences and seminars. Went out with friends and went to weddings and many other things but I could not find the one.
Mind you I am tall, have the right curve in the right places and good facial features. People also told me that. Ones, I went for CBN end of the year party and a young man came to me to say, a lot of guys want me and I asked him, where are they? Obviously, they all thought as a fine chic, you ought to have a serious relationship. Apparently, It doesn’t work that way.
I then travel abroad, gbum!! White men started flocking around me, the only one I dated married me within 6 months and we have been married for 19 years.
You have to change base as a single lady all the time. Go out, make friends, look good. Engage your brain. Get more education, take up opportunities. Forget about looking for a man and enjoy your life. If it comes, it comes. And if it doesn’t, so be it, you have lived your life and will not have any regrets.
I told this story because I have read about people asking matured single girls what they were doing in their 20s and their 30s, the answer is girls wait to be asked for their hands in marriage unfortunately.
Stop blaming them.
Are you minding them? Like it's every lady that meets serious guys when young. Even most guys at that age, many are still trying to find their feet. But your story is almost similar to that of my very beautiful friend , if not that you said you got married at 38, I would have thought it was you.
DeleteDue to family issues, she said she entered uni at 25 left at 29. In university she said she couldn't date that she was the oldest in class and the guy she decided to give a chance said he couldn't do no sex before marriage so she faced front. She stayed in a state in the west after youth service till she became 35. She said she went to church but met teenagers and young adults in their 20s, in the church singles and youth group and the rest were married people. There was no where she didn't go weddings o, outings etc but she didn't meet anyone until she was just a few months to 36 years and fiam ! Just like that she was married with a few months. Only God knows this Posters story but most wouldn't care because it is easier to think she wasted her time when she was younger. Life that is very unpredictable. We only pray God keep making life easy for us. However, when God says it is time,it will happen.
One thing I noticed is when people hear that a lady in that 30s are single they start thinking negative things like she must have used herself in her youth sleeping around or she did shakara to men when she was young but it is very silly to jump into conclusions because you can never know people's journey or the time God has chosen for them to be married.
The thing is,sometimes the reserved and homely ones are the ones that even gets married late. This lady may be single due to no fault of hers but she is already being judged.
Poster relax, don't stop praying and thanking God and stop thinking about it. It will happen when you least expect.
Thanks and God bless you for this today,I read what Dante said and I cried(God forgive you),I am doing well for myself,I just need a companion ,I have never led a bad life and I am mostly working,most people are always amazed I am still single,pls l have prayed and all I hear is there is a mask on my face,pls if you don’t know people story do not be judgemental,going out alone has even become frustrating because I run into people a lot with their own families,I know it wil end in praises..
DeleteWas Dante referring to you? Why are you crying? See ehn you need to be in a healthy place emotionally and psychologically. May God help you
DeleteStella it is not all the time that a lady needs to relax.
ReplyDeleteI have met sooo many ladies with terrible character and it will put off any man except the lady has money to spend on the guy.
My advice is for you to check yourself first and if you are ok, then pray and relax
This is part of things that makes men think they're are special .There is no end to an end just remove your mind and face life pls not every body will marry ,that is a fact but every body has life
ReplyDeleteThe way YOU ALL look for men and husband is funnily interesting. He dates or marries you, see finish enters followed by insults. Shebi men are scum and useless? Make una dey una dey and maintain una lane. Nonsense
ReplyDeleteRemember, God makes everything beautiful in his own time
ReplyDeleteI think anyone can get any husband but will you like to have just anybody in your life? From Chronicles and items in the news media we all know that a great number of marriages are unhealthy and toxic. You can easily join that number if you allow desperation to set it.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to experience motherhood then adopt a child. If you want to experience home ownership then buy your place. You do not have to put your life on hold until you get married to start experiencing things, live your life today. A husband is good, but enjoy your life, travel, get knowledge, push yourself as far as you go. Put all the energy you are putting into seeking a husband into your own life and you will see miracles.
I've mentioned on this blog before that I am 60 and I have been celibate for over 30 years and since my 20s, I've received numerous proposals for marriage. There is no secret any where other than to be very confident in yourself, have a very high self worth and don't look at everyman as a potential husband. Men can smell desperation a mile away and they will test your boundaries. You need to realise that whether married or not your life is worth living and you are no less of a person. I know that in a country like Naija, it's not easy but people will only insult you to the extent you allow them.
ReplyDeleteSinglehood can most times be depressing most especially for advanced ladies just shake off and you will be fine again
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeletePoster pls don't let a church brother marry you for money and scam you and then dump you, (if you are rich).
Go out more, attend parties, dress nice, register on dating sites (not all are filled with scammers?. Be open to mingle with foreigners, not only Nigerian men..
Also, pray while at it, you will get your own man if God has destined it for you to marry.
I forgot to tell you to also give former male friends, old classmates and exes a chance when you get into contact. You can even like or comment on their pictures on social media or that of their friends, so that they will see you.
Post beautiful studio pictures on your profiles.
Very important, look good always. Make nice hair, light makeup and nice clothes , shoes and bags. Wear a smile always but don't look stupid..
I am 43, married with two children but men still make passes at me and I give them this very bad look. I look fresh and nice for my age. I don't stress myself too much, I take good care of my looks. My skin looks fresh and I smell nice every time.
You see, when I was 36, my last relationship ended and I made up my mind not to worry about men or marriage anymore. I faced my job and shopped for nice stuff for myself. I dressed very nice and looked beautiful.
Then one of my exes met me somewhere and we started from where we stopped. I was 37 by then.
Like play, within a year, at 38 we got married. I wasn't even thinking of relationship or marriage when I met him. He felt drawn to me because of how I looked. If he had seen me looking tattered, he wouldn't come back. Maybe he may have just knacked me and run.
So just focus on looking good, making more money and radiating happiness. Go out more now. I met my ex-boyfriend (now husband) at a company organised conference.
You might be in the wrong church
ReplyDeleteYou have to be strategic in life
You’re not glued to that church
Find another one
Join other types of activities too - not every time church
God will see you through poster
ReplyDeleteIt is well poster. For now please focus on the things you love at the moment, the ones within your control. If there is anything you like and you don't have now, (maybe a career path, hobbies
ReplyDeleteor a dream skill), start pursuing/working towards that. They are like little flowers you are using to beautify your garden (life). You see that one you can't control, take your mind off it, cause nothing grows from worry. It will just weigh you down more and more and you miss enjoying your days...
Your journey is your journey, own it. We all have different timing and life experiences. Build you. This phase will soon pass and you will even miss your single days atimes when you are married, so why not enjoy it to the fullest now doing the things you love and creating a better version of you. When you least expect, the companion will come
It is well poster. For now please focus on the things you love at the moment, the ones within your control. If there is anything you like and you don't have now, (maybe a career path, hobbies
ReplyDeleteor a dream skill), start pursuing/working towards that. They are like little flowers you are using to beautify your garden (life). You see that one you can't control, take your mind off it, cause nothing grows from worry. It will just weigh you down more and more and you miss enjoying your days...
Your journey is your journey, own it. We all have different timing and life experiences. Build you. This phase will soon pass and you will even miss your single days atimes when you are married, so why not enjoy it to the fullest now doing the things you love and creating a better version of you. When you least expect, the companion will come
Bless your heart @Poster.
ReplyDeleteI read your chonicle (but not the comments yet), so I feel led to gift you a copy of my publication - Get Married Fast.
You may droo your email address if you'll like to read the eBook.
Shalom.
Women look for husbands because their biological clock is ticking. You should understand that. Your advise is insensitive in my opinion
ReplyDelete