STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ADVICE NEEDED
Ladies abeg make una help me chook mouth.
So I’ve been dating this sweet lady for some months now and I’m thinking of proposing but her aversion to me taking care of her finances is giving me second thoughts.
I grew up in a home where I watched my dad take care of my mum even though we didn’t have much. My mother never paid major bills in the house and my father made sure to instill those values of hard work into my brothers and I.
In all my years of dating, I have never dated a girl like this. On our first date, when it was time to pay, the waiter slid the tab to my side of the table and my babe quickly snatched it and brought out her card to pay.
I was taken aback and asked the waiter not to accept her card and gave mine to settle our bill. When we got back to the car, I asked her why she did that and she said didn’t we both eat the food and it wasn’t a big deal if she paid.
Some months back, she and her girls planned a girls trip and I sent her own money to her friend who was in charge of the planning, if you see the way she got angry that I paid. She wouldn’t even talk to me until her friend refunded my money .
Some months back, she and her girls planned a girls trip and I sent her own money to her friend who was in charge of the planning, if you see the way she got angry that I paid. She wouldn’t even talk to me until her friend refunded my money .
She wouldn’t let me pay for anything. She refused when I tried to pay her house rent. Omo the thing just dey vex me. It gives me joy to spend on my woman, In Fact I’m used to girls asking for things from me before I even offer. This is the first time in my life a woman is rejecting my money.
The only time she didn’t give me a push back was when I paid for a cooking class cos she doesn’t know how to cook.
Now her birthday was last week and I bought her a car because she needs it and I was tired of her rants about her tussle with her mechanic. This woman rejected it.
Now her birthday was last week and I bought her a car because she needs it and I was tired of her rants about her tussle with her mechanic. This woman rejected it.
My friends were shocked. Even her friends were shocked.
I was so embarrassed that I haven’t picked her calls since then. Her best friend sent me a text that I should be patient with her because she has always been independent and her ex collected the things he bought for her when they broke up and that’s why she’s acting that way. I am aware of this cos she told me and I suggested therapy but she refused.
I have proven to her many times that I’m not her ex and I’m tired of not being able to take care of my woman. How do I propose to a woman who wouldn’t let me take care of her? I can’t imagine a woman paying bills in my house. I’m in love with her but she’s driving me crazy.
I don't even know what to say.....LET THIS WOMAN BE HERSELF and enjoy watching a woman act independent...when she is sure that there will be no breakup and collecting of gifts back she will relax...MEN can stain white so don't blame any woman who wants to do it her way...I am with her on this please cos even as i am married to someone who can give me everything, most times i do it for myself before he does and it pisses him off but i say i love to take care of myself....
Be happy to have a woman who has financial independence!....
I was with her until she rejected the car
ReplyDeleteRejecting your payment of house rent kinda makes sense cause thst feels too much like taking care of my responsibilities
But a car is discretionary and I wonder what’s driving that
As this means this much to you, settle it first before marriage
Tell her to collect the car and drive it or move along
What exactly do some men want? A woman pays, na problem. She collects money, still problem.
ReplyDeleteRejecting gifts from your fiancé is weird pls
DeleteLol..
DeleteDante love ladies like this..
Nawao for you sir keep westing time until you loose this hood woman you hear I’m sure your friends silently wish she’s their own woman
ReplyDeleteIs this kind of opportunity that Dante and excess3code they’re looking for is unfortunate it will not come to them eiyaaa
Don’t marry her till you jam hood digger you hear? Nonsense and ingredients
Mr guy, as you have been clearly informed that she is acting out because of her ex . Give her some credit. After proposal,I'm sure she will become a bit relaxed.
ReplyDeleteMarry her because it's better than marrying a liability.
You can gift your mum or sister the car that she rejected 😉
From what I learned from the experts, if a man does not feel like he is of use in a woman's life he will leave. I am not a man so I don't know if this is true. Perhaps your love language is acts of kindness. Find some way to show your love, tenderness and caring spirit that does not involve money. Maybe you will have to fix pipes, paint walls, and open a lot of tight jars. I believe that since love is at the foundation then she will come around when she trusts you and sees that your words and actions line up all the time.
ReplyDeleteBe patient and propose to her. It must have been incredibly embarrassing for her to return the things that were gifted to her, maybe she promised herself neve to be in that situation again and to look the fool. So be patient and constant, and I for 100% know that she will change. As long as she trusts you then she will come around, as a matter of fact once she truly trust you she will reveal some hidden things that are good and you will love but have not seen yet.
Please make sure that money expectations in the household are clearly defined before you marry. If your responsibility will be the big bills and she take care of the food and small stuff make sure you both agree to it and it is clear to all.
She is miss independent and you're a man who enjoys playing your traditional role of being the primary provider for your woman. Leave her and go for a woman who is receptive to your kind gesture. She is exuding masculine energy and you are very masculine too. Do you want to marry your fellow man?
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteOga, no wahala. She loves her independence that’s all. Marry her, and in no time, you’ll be the official bill payer, no complaints.
🙄
ReplyDeleteWhy are you making a fuss out of nothing. Your refusal to respect her choices is actually a red flag. There are other qualities you should keep an eye out for. Not this.
ReplyDeleteThe ability to take care of a woman is not the primary thing she needs from you. Your sense of empathy, fairness, emotional depth and maturity are critical things she might be studying you for. It is possible she wants to be assured you meet her expectations in all these areas before she fully opens to you.
She is a rare type. Do everything you can to keep her if she meets other relevant criteria.
Poster she is trying to avoid what happened with her ex.
ReplyDeleteAfter marriage, she will relax and allow you take care of some of the bills.
Since you love her, pls go ahead and propose it her.
All the best.
Hehehehehhe
ReplyDeleteHer ex did a great job..
I hope more girls cross path with her ex, like for example non miraj,. He go give she and her family house for talking stage, she no go come gree for relationship, Baba go come go drive all of them commot the house while non miraj go dey shout "wow what are you doing"🤣🤣
And that werey wey dey expect food because she give man her number, Baba go come tell am to follow him home, as she just refuse, him go just drag him food commot her hand 😂🤣🤣
Everybody must get sense by force ke 🤣🤣😁
What do men really want. She doesn't want you years later to start singing what she brings to the table. Please allow her run her table now ooo. You men are just confused bunch.
ReplyDeleteConfused beings.
DeleteI am very sure you have been rehearsing this lines in your head for years and you can't wait to say it. What do men want just because a man was saying this. If this Chronicle is the kind of complain all men have maybe the world will be a better place by now.
DeleteTrue true, who get cap no get head. See me here wishing for this. I am tired of paying expenses; from rent to phone everything na me. It is well.
ReplyDeletethis life no just balance. if it is the other way now, dem go say she be gold digger.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteOr maybe just maybe she’s not really into you
Can’t freely collect gifts from a guy if I don’t like him well. It feels wrong
Ask her very well if she really plans to marry you
Not she doesn't like him. The main issue is that she has not gotten solid assurance that what her ex did to her won't be repeated with the new man
DeleteNa for here Dem go see my sweet Dante , first person to comment
ReplyDeleteThis is fundamental incompatibility. This lady is clearly not your type. O suggest you leave her be. Otherwise more chronicles to your elbows.
ReplyDeleteBe calming down
DeleteSmall shakara the girl do you don change am
Oga marry her please na potential lady.
ReplyDeleteI know say you go jump here cos na the type woman you’re looking for no go hustle you hear be looking for who to split bills with
DeleteThis one and Dante are broke asses. They want ladies that will take care of their expenses
DeleteNot every woman wants a man to pick her bills.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn’t like a man to pay directly to my friend..it’s actually embarrassing. The fact that you didn’t even mention it to her could make her feel disrespected.
Same with the car. So you expected her to jump at it when you didn’t seek her consent before buying her a car. Real life isn’t Nollywood abeg.
The most important thing to me when it comes to a relationship is mutual respect.
Poster, flip the coin and tell me how you would feel if she paid directly to your friend’s account for your guys thing or bought a car on your birthday to gift you in the presence of both your friends.
Not every Nigerian woman is a money monger abeg.
. You need to understand her love language and speak it
Pls oh nobody needs my consent to buy me a car
DeleteRide on
So buying someone a gift is a crime? Lmao! What will I not read on this blog?
DeleteRead what you write again and ask yourself if it makes sense?
Her behavior is not a rejection of you; it is a means of protecting herself. Based on what you described, she associates financial dependence with loss, control, and eventual punishment. Her past experience taught her that accepting financial support can come with hidden conditions. Until that emotional wound is properly addressed, even generous gestures will feel threatening rather than loving.
ReplyDeleteYour frustration is understandable. You were raised with a clear provider model, and providing is how you express love, responsibility, and readiness for marriage. When she rejects your financial support, it feels like a rejection of your role, your upbringing, and your sense of responsibility. That tension will not disappear after a proposal; it will likely intensify in marriage if left unresolved.
At its core, this is a compatibility issue. Marriage is not sustained by love alone but by shared expectations around roles, finances, and decision-making. You envision a home where the man carries the major financial responsibilities. She currently prioritizes autonomy, financial separation, and strict independence. Neither perspective is wrong, but they are fundamentally different and must be reconciled before moving forward.
Avoidance and embarrassment will only worsen the situation. Ignoring her calls after the car incident shifts the issue from misunderstanding to emotional withdrawal. That pattern is unhealthy and dangerous in a long-term relationship.
The next step is an honest, calm conversation, not about money itself but about what money represents to both of you. You need to understand what accepting financial support means to her, and she needs to understand what providing means to you. It is also important to clearly state your boundaries. While respecting her independence, you must be honest that you cannot enter a marriage where your role as a provider is consistently rejected.
Therapy should be reconsidered, not as an accusation or correction, but as a supportive space for her to process past trauma and for both of you to align expectations. Most importantly, do not propose until this issue is resolved. A proposal will not fix a values conflict; it will only expose it further.
If, after sincere and repeated conversations, she remains unwilling to meet you halfway, you must ask yourself a difficult but necessary question: are you in love with who she is now, or with who you hope she will become? Marriage requires mutual comfort and alignment, not constant frustration or silent resentment.
I love reading from you and Ebony oge but unfortunately, na only during giveaway you dey show face.
DeleteThis one that you were picked and credited already, I give you till January max, you will disappear again
Please propose to her if you feel the need. Proposal will make her believe that you truly got her back.
DeleteIs the car in your name or hers?
ReplyDeleteCause Naija guys sometimes be like I bought her a car but title dey their name
Anytime she no act “right” dem go collect am
This 👆
DeleteWas the car bought and registered in your name or hers?
Some Naija men will be using their gifts to control you while dating.
They will pay house rent and dictate who visits you.
@Fresh Petals
DeleteI wanna tell you a story that sounds like a joke.
Sometime in 2014 a story was posted here by a blog visitor who called out a sidechic to expose her modus operandi.
The bv used the story to alert randy men to the fraudulent ways of the sidechic who dumped her lover after a 4-week tryst.
The lover guy lavished the sidechic with 32 million naira - got her a flat somewhere in Ikeja and a car.
The mumu guy visited the love peddler unannounced and met another guy whom the sidechic introduced as her lover..
The sidechic humorously told the guy that his 32 million spend expired a week before his visit
The story was juicy and funny.
Surprisingly, the new lover was also dumpled by the lady.
Wisdom is profitable to direct.
She’s only protecting a herself and her dignity. So chill…
ReplyDeleteI believe with time, she’d ease a bit. Just be a little bit patient with her.
This one na love in every word the movie.
ReplyDeleteHello Poster,
ReplyDeleteThere’s a mismatch of core value system here, which has nothing to do with money. As narrated money is just the language both of you are speaking because neither of you has yet found the words for what both of you are truly defending.
From your side, provision is an identity which does not mean generosity - it is how love was modelled to you, how responsibility was measured, how manhood was affirmed. When your money is refused, what you feel is not rejection of cash but rejection of the traditional role.
To you, “I cannot take care of my woman” sounds dangerously close to “I am unnecessary here.” Perhaps, you have not fully grasped that you are dating a woman who is not confined to the ethos of culture and tradition, more like a present-day woman with her composure and eccentricities.
ReplyDeleteFrom your woman’s side, her refusal is not about pride or posturing. It is memory. It is a nervous system that learned, painfully, that gifts can become a leverage, where care is used to ransom debt. Independence, for her, is not feminism or stubbornness; it is her armour. Her shield. And armour, by design, does not come off just because someone insists they are safe.
I think where both of you falter is in confusing intention with impact. Your intentions are loving, but your impact is intrusive. A lady who is self-aware of her capacity will see her forbearance as an avenue for you to control.
ReplyDeletePaying a friend directly, buying a car without consent, insisting on footing every bill - these are not neutral acts. They collapse her autonomy in the name of care - which experience had forewarned her as a bait. At the same time, her silence, anger, and rigid refusal leave you guessing, stripped of reassurance, and force you to interpret her resistance as disdain.
This is also where culture complicates intimacy. Nigerian masculinity still ties worth to provision, while modern Nigerian womanhood is renegotiating autonomy after generations of economic vulnerability, and endemic dependence - albeit even a little. And like in this case, when those two evolutions collide without conversation, affection becomes a battleground.
ReplyDeleteThe most concerning part of your chronicle is not her independence or your frustration; it is avoidance. Love does not mature in silence, embarrassment, or emotional withdrawal. Ignoring calls after a conflict is not the way patience works; it is serving punishment energy. And punishment, subtle or loud, poisons trust.
Neither of you is wrong here. But neither is fully ready for a relationship that is about to be proposed for marriage in this configuration. Marriage is not the place where people hope values will magically align; it is where misalignment becomes an expensive conflict of interests.
ReplyDeleteWhat you have avoided asking yourself is not “How do I take care of a woman who won’t let me?” It is: can two people learn to care for each other in a way that honours both their dignity and desire - without turning love into control, or dependence into a need for submission and disrespect. Or independence into isolation?
And until that question is answered honestly, a proposal would be premature. Not because love is absent, but because the understanding is incomplete. And when it so happens like that, both of you are dangerously incompatible - your words, 'I can’t imagine a woman paying bills in my house,' firmly point to this incompatibility.
ReplyDeleteDon't try wrestling it, let it go. That’s the woman life has condemned her to become - a high value woman, some men can't stand - you seem like one of such. Her match is out there - someone who understands how to be in a healthy relationship with a woman like me. A man who respects, and accommodates, her boundaries without much ado.
Some men, like the idea but can't tolerate the practice of mutual independence. This has little to do with masculine energy. Rather, experience forced her to this adaptation which gives her great leverage at all times.
ReplyDeleteIn daily living, when a wife or mother loses her independence, her whole worth is at the mercy of her man. Woe betide if he's cut from the traditional fabric, she may likely not have a voice. And that becomes her economic blackmail to subjugate her essence.