Hmmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ADVICE NEEDED
Can you stay in a marriage where your husband provides for you and the kids but he seems to love someone outside?...
My last born is 1 year old...does it make sense to stay cos of the kids? I was emotionally abusive to him at the start of our marriage but I have apologised countless times but he remains unforgiving and sees someone outside.
Your husband fell out of love with you because you emotionally abused him and now he is probably seeing someone else outside that makes him feel good....Sometimes we burn bridges that can never build or cross again..... keep trying to get him back or ask fora divorce.
It is well. I like it you admitted it was something you had done in the past. Keep trying. Do not lose hope. Discuss with him and tell God. He will come back to you.
ReplyDeleteOP, I can tell you the truth.
ReplyDeleteAs a man, he will take any form of abuse and probably still keep loving you but that love gradually diminishes as time goes by. For some men, they will get a side piece outside to relieve urge and tension but still love the wife.
But in a situation where the husband gets emotionally involved with another woman outside...it is very hard to come back from that. Your marriage may never recover. To your husband now, whether you stay or leave it doesn't matter. He has crossed that line and if that woman treats him better in every way than you do, where do you want to start from.
Emotional entanglement with another woman outside is one of the most difficult challenges marriages face because the incentive to work to make the marriage better is removed.
If divorce is not presently an option for you, keep doing what it is you are doing to win your husband over. And hope he sees that you have truly changed.
This is my situation too. I am in love with another man outside my marriage. Same emotional abusive state.
DeleteIt’s difficult to leave this relationship. We have been seeing for 7 years in a 10 years marriage. My man keeps saying we should leave our marriages but I am adamant because of our children from our marriages. I believe Love isn’t enough to hurt our innocent kids.
I have tried to love my husband and cut ties but my man wouldn’t let me go. And I really love him!!!
Sorry about what you're going through. Some people are like that. Once they're good to you and hurt them, then you must pay for it. Good thing is he still provides, others would have starved you of everything. Keep pushing and praying I'm sure he will calm down by the time he's done 'revenging'.
ReplyDeleteIf you can financially provide for the kids,please leave. Cos staying in a toxic marriage because of kids,does not make sense.
ReplyDelete"If"
DeleteShe can't.
That is the reason for their one year old child and the chronicle.
The real question is whether she has stopped being emotionally abusive.
Or whether she replaced it with verbal abuse / nagging.
Some apologies are not even worth their conveying words.
The best apologies are those backed by actions.
Remain there . Nothing dey outside.
ReplyDeleteKeep being a good wife and prayerful,he might forget and return to you.
BV Official prestige
lol
DeleteMans world indeed
You emotionally abused him? You thought you were doing him a favor with the marriage or what? Do another chronicle and explain what this your emotional abuse looks like. Sometimes we don't know what we get until we lose it. Your husband too was supposed to divorce you legally before seeing another woman. Two wrongs don't make a right.
ReplyDeleteThe comment I have been searching for..
DeleteThat's how they always use a blanket statement to cover what they did.. emotional abuse ko infidelity nii..
Aunty comman explain your emotional abuse, abi you commit paternity fraud?
Oh! Dear,the mistakes has been made already but follow Mammi Stella's advice though
ReplyDeleteStaying for the kids while your husband loves someone else just teaches them that neglect is normal and loyalty is optional. His choice to keep punishing you while loving someone else isn’t forgiveness, it’s a decision. At some point, you have to stop begging for a seat at a table where you’re no longer being served.
ReplyDeleteExactly. Please leave the marriage. I hope you're financially stable enough to take care of your kids alone? Life is too short to be stuck in a miserable marriage. If he's found his peace elsewhere, let him go. The Lord forgives us our sins
DeleteInteresting!
DeletePls if she leaves the marriage will you cater for her and the kids? You think if she was financially stable she would even snd in this chronicle?? Naah! I dnt think so.
DeletePoster it looks like your past actions pushed him into seeking solace elsewhere. it's good that you realised your wrong actions, changed for the better and asked for his forgiveness.
ReplyDeleteI think you should continue pampering him and making up for your past errors. Assure him that you have changed, let him see that truly you have changed through your actions. Above all, pray very well about the situation. If you both love each other genuinely, things will surely fall back in place.
Best wishes.
There's something about packing up and not looking back when one is emotionally drained. Worst of all, when a very good replacement is found. Dear poster, I think that's the stage your husband is in.
ReplyDeleteDid you realize your mistakes because he has found a replacement and no longer available for you to toy with his emotions or you are genuinely sorry? If the latter is the case, I really hope things realign in your marriage. If not, as stern as this may sound, allow that man taste true love.
I’m really sorry you’re carrying this pain.
ReplyDeleteMany women stay for the children. The Bible values peace and family, but not at the cost of continuous emotional destruction.
Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome spouse. ( Proverbs 21:9)
Remember children do not only need food and school fees.They need Peace and love.
A home where one parent is emotionally absent and involved with another person teaches silent wounds.
i will advice you, before taking any final decision,seek Godly counseling (pastor or Christian marriage counselor)
Pray, but also protect your heart.
Doris says she sought pastoral counselling. We still dey the matter.
DeleteHmnnnnn
Thank you big mama for this advise.
Delete20:46, not all pastors are wayward.
Endure and pray
ReplyDeleteLike my dear father said to his friend, you wanted another wife you just found an excuse
ReplyDeleteStay if you want but you husband is gaslighting you
Taking one error and using it has an excuse to openly cheat on yiu. Nonsense
Hmmmm, This is a very hard one, I would stay in the marriage , simply because he provides for me and the kids, I mean what if you leave and he stops caring about the kids and their needs? , now you don't want that, Times are hard now, But if you are stable financially, then you can take the risk of leaving your marriage.
ReplyDeleteHe is bound to provide. Let us normalise using the law to force provision.
DeleteRecently, the Nigerian Supreme Court decided that even without divorce, a woman can use the law to force payments by fathers.
We should stop discouraging or scaring women from leaving marriages by presenting that fathers would easily shirk their parental responsibilities.
Likewise, we should stop encouraging women to be destructive by covering for them with the so-called "scorned woman" alibi. Men should be encouraged to use the full law on such women. Any unproved destructive statement or violent physical action by a "scorned woman" should be met with full equal force of the law.
Poster, It is commendable that you've acknowledged your past wrongdoings towards your husband, however, the harsh reality remains that Some broken hearts never mend dear, Some deeply hurtful relationships are beyond repair. This one may fall into that category. You need to go. You both can still work together harmoniously as co-parents.
ReplyDeleteLook, fight for your marriage since you are at fault. You cannot compete with the other woman because everyone has a different energy, but you can compete with yourself. You can resolve to be the best version of yourself and be the best wife that you can be. Your husband chose you, there was something in you why he married to you, and he still put a baby inside of you one year ago, so something is still there. The other woman cannot be you either, why your husband got married to you is still there. Do you remember how you used to be before marriage and children entered the picture, then be that way all the time. Most men do not want to lose their families, that is their stability and identity, you created that, you made the house a home, you gave him the title of father and husband, so my dear, you are in the lead already. Do not give up no matter how bad it looks, all prodigals must return home and so too shall your husband return.
ReplyDeleteRespect, honour, love, and a warm and inviting home space. Sometimes even if his ideas ain't worth for shyt tell him lets see how it goes, boost him up and let him feel like he is the most invincible man on the planet. When he is finished working every day he should be overjoyed to be returning home, because it is a sanctuary, a safe haven, not a battleground. He is after all your superman, remember that. Do not throw the towel in just yet. Show true contriteness and humility of spirit by working to save your marriage, your future self will thank you for it. Most of all, stay prayerful and pray for him just like you did at the beginning.
"Do you remember how you used to be before marriage and children entered the picture, then be that way all the time."
DeleteSadly, some spouses were married on hope for better. What if there was nothing there. But Poster vaunted herself beyond self by her admitted emotional abuse?
Staying in a marriage “for the kids” is a very complex decision, and it should not be based on assumptions alone. Before drawing conclusions, it is important to ask whether there is clear evidence that your husband is emotionally or physically involved with someone else, or whether this is a perception shaped by distance, unresolved hurt, and loss of intimacy. Acting without certainty can deepen mistrust and push both partners further apart.
ReplyDeleteThat said, rebuilding love after emotional harm often requires more than repeated apologies. While apologizing is important, true healing usually comes from consistent change over time. This may include acknowledging the specific ways your actions affected him, giving him space to process his pain without pressure, showing patience rather than defensiveness, and demonstrating growth through daily behavior. Emotional safety is rebuilt when a partner feels heard, respected, and valued again, not just told “I’m sorry.”
If reconciliation is the goal, practical steps such as honest conversations, accountability, counseling (individual or marital), and intentional efforts to reconnect emotionally can make a difference. At the same time, you must also consider your own emotional well-being and the example the marriage sets for your children. Children benefit more from a peaceful, emotionally healthy environment than from parents who stay together in constant pain and resentment.
Ultimately, the decision should be guided by truth, sustained effort from both sides, and a realistic assessment of whether the marriage can heal, not guilt, fear, or pressure alone.
What did you do to him
ReplyDeleteSome people overstate your offense so they can punish you hard
What is this emotional abuse you inflicted on him
How did you abuse him emotionally? Can you, please provide details?
ReplyDeleteBeing in a loveless marriage is hard ooo. But can you wait till your last child is 5 and see how far?
ReplyDeleteLeaving now, you might be saddled with all the financial responsibilities, and still have to care and cater for the kids.
You might not find love right away ooo.
So wait to be financially, emotionally and otherwise stable,cos you can think through your decision clearly.
Meanwhile, start praying for your marriage, while you get busy. Treat him with love and respect, while at it
Keep praying that God gives him a forgivng heart but never stop loving him.
ReplyDeleteStaying in a marriage just because a man provides money is not it at all. Provision without love, loyalty, and emotional presence is still abandonment. Children suffer more in a home where there is silent pain, resentment, and infidelity than in a home where a parent chooses peace and stability.
ReplyDeleteWe don't know exactly the form your emotional abuse took. I truly hope it's not something like infidelity, too. Emotional abuse can hurt deeply, but it does not give anyone the right to keep punishing a spouse forever. Two wrongs will never make a right. If forgiveness is impossible, then honesty is required. Keeping a wife while loving another woman is selfish and unfair.
Love can be rebuilt.
Respect can be restored.
The question is, are both of you willing to repair the marriage? Have you really stopped being emotionally abusive? Is he willing to let go of the other woman? If he is not, then staying is slow self-destruction on your part. Children need a mentally healthy mother, which you'll never be in this kind of arrangement. May God help you both. I pray that love, peace, and harmony is restored in your marriage.
You took his love for granted and us pay back time for him.If you can't bear it better leave.
ReplyDeleteSo you people commenting on here no Dey love Una partners but only in because of provisions. Hmmmm. May God forgive you people. Poster pls go to God in prayer. HE is the CREATOR of man and the one that knows the heart of man and the only ONE that can control it. So tell God to bring his heart back to you and promise God that you will not abuse your husband again, then be still and see God bring him back to you. Don’t give the devil a chance through divorce because the devil hates marriage. So pls pray and stay and stay because you love your husband and not because you need your husband to provide because he can provide while you are not with him. .so pls pay because you love him genuinely.
ReplyDeleteIf this i if this is how you've chosen to spend your one life am I to stop you
ReplyDeleteYou guys should see a therapist
ReplyDeleteMake life uncomfortable for the other one
ReplyDeleteOniranu