This was one of the first promises I made to my spouse when we were dating. I'll try to keep this as short as possible while getting my points across.
See, we are all human and we make mistakes. We can't escape that. There's no perfect marriage anywhere. But there are marriages that have stood the test of time. Outside domestic violence, chronic infidelity, constant disrespect and slothfulness, a great number of marriages only needed either one or both parties involved, to stand and salvage the marriage.
Ego however, has led to the death of a shocking number of marriages. There was no one at home.
What does being at home mean in this context? It means through hell or high water, through thick and thin, you are committed to your spouse.
What does being at home mean in this context? It means through hell or high water, through thick and thin, you are committed to your spouse.
A mature mind in marriage is one that stands by, stands for and stands with his or her partner through the worst of challenges outside those I mentioned in the preceding paragraph. A great number of failed marriages missed this critical step.
Every marriage goes through its trials. I and my spouse certainly did. And I kid you not, the thought of walking away, came up severally. Was it a toxic home? No. it was just a battle of egos ( Ego will poison any marriage to death) but we have passed that bridge now.
Every marriage goes through its trials. I and my spouse certainly did. And I kid you not, the thought of walking away, came up severally. Was it a toxic home? No. it was just a battle of egos ( Ego will poison any marriage to death) but we have passed that bridge now.
Nothing works unless you work it. No marriage lasts without that daily commitment to work and keep working at it. The same patience, the same tolerance you have for yourself is what you must have for your spouse.
Every marriage starts off like a toddler learning to walk. There will be false steps, there will be falls and pitfalls. Both couples won’t be at 100% all the time and one must take up the slack when the other is lacking until the other comes around. It doesn’t have to be a war zone.
Every marriage starts off like a toddler learning to walk. There will be false steps, there will be falls and pitfalls. Both couples won’t be at 100% all the time and one must take up the slack when the other is lacking until the other comes around. It doesn’t have to be a war zone.
There’s nothing your marriage is going through that another hasn’t gone through and overcome. If the willingness is there, it can be salvaged.
Allow your marriage to grow. Allow it to breathe. Stop, think and reconsider. It gets better going forward.
Allow your marriage to grow. Allow it to breathe. Stop, think and reconsider. It gets better going forward.
Choose to be the one who will always be home (and I’m talking to men here). Correct in love, encourage as needed, be present and show leadership while steadily building value.
Give your all because your home is your first and primary assignment.
You will not fail.
Nice!
ReplyDeleteMen:
Do not cheat on your wife, because the other woman cometh not but to steal, to imprison, and to take a walk after you are destroyed.
Women:
Be prayerful before you say I do, and after you take the marriage vows, don't bail out if/when financial crisis hits.
To Married Ones:
You need prayers, watchfulness, and tolerance, to keep the home intact.
Thank Dogg, I enjoyed this writeup ✍️
DeleteEgo is a killer in any relationship.
ReplyDeleteYou see very proud people?And people with massive egos?They always end up making huge mistakes in their life time.
Thanks Dog.
You welcome Disco.
DeleteWell written 👏🏼
ReplyDeleteCorrect.... this mentioned alot.....
ReplyDeletePrayers and working it out is the secret!!!!
So Apt. a secret; I'm really scared of marriage. i don't want to deal with any hurt/betrayal
ReplyDeleteI can understand your fears. They are very valid. In the end, we can only be sure of ourselves and not the possible actions of others. Still, being intentional about who we date, clearly defining and setting boundaries early plus a bit of trust in God, helps.
DeleteThank you so much Dogedity.. if they other half refuses to bend,just bounce Biko.
ReplyDeleteNa because to bounce no always be am na im make I write today post. Sometimes, people dey too quick give up on their marriage. Make we dey try dey patient small.
DeleteRead the post again.
DeleteAptly written, God bless you
ReplyDeleteThank you MyStIc.
DeleteThis Couple ....
ReplyDeleteThey are barely four years into this Institution called Marriage. The lady, good girl, virtuos, kind respectful ever smiling ,even Kept herself till ...
She came calling one early morning to come pour out her hearts to My Father.
The horseband ... Before the Marriage came disguised as a Prayerful, Loving, well cultured brother in the Lord. That was how My lady got Smittened cos the guy ticked every every.
Fours Years down the line...
Man Chasing every fly in skirt, Church o, Work place . Babe don cry tire. Like this was not what she saw before saying I do..
Now She's threatening leaving the Marriage cos it's really taking a toll on her.
Why do People Pretend only to unlease the devil in them after I Do ???
Chronic infidelity like I mentioned in the column is a VERY valid reason to call it quits in any marriage. This is actually the only permissible ground for marital dissolution that Christ agreed with.
DeleteYou don't bear, tolerate or trust God that a cheating partner will change. The moment any spouse cheats, he or she has terminated the marriage in their mind.
Hello Doggedity,
ReplyDeleteToday, you offered us something valuable that is often forgotten: many marriages fail not because of a loveless union, but because both people stopped showing up for their relationship and started showing up for themselves. Commitment matters, and ego can quietly erode even a fundamentally decent marriage.
Though I think the context deserves equal attention. "Always be home" is a wise way of looking at it, only when home remains emotionally, respectfully, and physically safe. It should never become a reason to endure abuse, repeated betrayal, outright disrespect, or persistent contempt. Patience cannot repair a marriage if only one person is willing to do the work. It becomes heavy and exhausting.
A strong marriage is built by two people who keep choosing each other. One person's devotion can steady a difficult season, but it cannot carry a lifetime of unwillingness from the other. That's why it is termed the breaking point. We all have our limits. Nice insight.
Thank you Oge for your input. Always incisive as usual. Indeed a shared commitment is key to making a marriage work just as you pointed out. Both parties need to keep this in mind through good times and trying times.
Delete