SCARED:
Is it possible to be in a marriage but be scared that one day your hubby will leave you based on some of his chats with women, and I can't question him because he said he is not emotionally available for me ..
He is nice to me but hides his phone and in love with another woman(I don't know their current situation now)as he removed my access to his phone when I discovered their long relationship since 2023.
You are scared that he will leave you one? The modafoking cheater has already left you!!!!...It is only his bullsheet that is left.....Since he says that he is emotionally unavailable,ignore him and everything that concerns him and face things that make you happy...I dont wanna say this but please pick yourself from that nonsense you call marriage and leave!!!
He has left you sis. He is only waiting for you to make the move so he can move on to his other woman.
ReplyDeleteIt not easy fi victims of emotional abuse to leave dem marriage. What demma need is empathy, comfort and emotional support.
DeleteWe country have a lotta poor people, especially women. Please offer dem comfort, offer dem sympathy and respek. Dem go through a lot.
Many women inna we country can't fit stay alone. Dem need a companion, dem need a man. Jah please provide and protect inna we women.
Oh Jah, guide and guard ya daughters from vampires, from blood suckers, from violent people, and from downpressors!
Selah!
Madam poster if you don't get out how can you heal? I really feel for you. Maybe you have the faith to pray him out. In all, I know it is not easy. But don't you think you are dying slowly?
DeleteWhat the heck are you still doing in that marriage? You just made me loose appetite for my lunch!
ReplyDeleteTaking a break cos this meal is too rich to go to waste.
My dear, please is your husband the gateway to heaven?
ReplyDeleteOr did He d I e and resurrect for you?
He clearly told you every and you are still there?
What level of low self esteem is this?
So you believe you will never get another in this life to want you or love you?
Why torture yourself this much?
Whatever you think is your issue that you feel you must kpai put there, aunty FIX IT and LEAVE.
A Man is clearly OPENLY CHEATING and you are here worried he might leave?
Chai. Who do you this thing?
Let me just tell you. HE WILL SURELY LEAVE. Either now or later.
Even your fears and insecurities can push him further away.
I can imagine you walking on egg shell everyday and probably seek his permission before you can breath.
Note that Fear can lead to h b p ooo. And h b p can lead to d e a t h.
This is what I said yesterday, and I will say it again: Married to you, but in love with another person, been in a relationship with her since 2023. Why are you doing this to yourself? He even said he is not emotionally available to you, and you are still saying he is nice. I am not sorry to say this, you are not sharp.
ReplyDeleteI typed but it got wiped out. Leave
ReplyDeleteYour comment is above
DeleteHe has already left you.He doesn't love you.And you know.Stop acting ignorant.
ReplyDeleteOmo, what are you still doing with an emotional unavailable man. You just want your mental health to be damaged. How can you even focus on a man that don't have feelings for you. Just pray nothing serious happened to you because that man you just described up there will just abandon you.
ReplyDeleteDon't blame her please. She is still in love with him and wants her marriage to work. Poster I hope your dream comes true, but facing reality, you are just torturing yourself and allowing yourself to be mistreated. You deserve better. First take yourself out of the situation physically. Learn to love and prioritize yourself.
DeleteWhat do you mean by he is nice but hides his phone from you? What is the meaning of nice?
ReplyDeleteThis is not good
ReplyDeleteSorry
Untill women stop using marriage as a poverty alleviation program, men will NEVER stop disrespecting them.
ReplyDeleteShe sounds like she has good money
ReplyDeleteShe’s probably scared of being divorced
Your feelings are understandable. From what you've shared, your fear isn't just insecurity,, it comes from constant broken trust. If he hides his phone, had a long-term relationship with another woman, and says he's not emotionally available for you, the man don leave you tay tay na. Na you dey marry yourself since.
ReplyDeleteYou deserve a marriage where you feel loved, secure, and able to ask questions without fear. Don't settle for a relationship where you're constantly anxious.
It is possible that one day, he will finally leave physically. But this is dependent on some variables : 1. If what is making him to fall more in love with that woman continues to be positive, he might one day leave. If the other woman is not attached to any spouse, he might one day leave. If he still has the means to live with the other woman, provides her material needs, he might leave.
ReplyDeleteI feel you didn't disclose much about why he is not emotionally available for you. Did you hurt him?
Can you please provide more details.
I was unkind to him when I had money and he said I made him feel less of a man, and he said I disrespected his mom and separate myself from his family, he also said I dont respect him and I hide my money away..why i said his a good man is that he still provides for the kids and the home although I had to beg him because at a point he stopped relating with me, so I said I dont mind whatever he is doing elsewhere, let us just take care of our kids...im not Nigeria and dont really have family here..
DeleteYes..the other woman is his boss who is very beautiful, she has money and together they go on dates and always on the phone..Her kids are all grown, but I still have young kids
DeletePpl come into marriage with all kinds of expectations. I wonder if he wanted to have total control over you and your finances because he knew you were not Nigerian and had no family. Don’t play into any guilt games and gaslighting. So you’re full of flaws and he’s perfect and that is why he cheated. My dear, protect your headspace, do not let anyone sow toxic seeds inside of you.
DeleteWhat he termed insulting his mother could be cultural differences, unless you truly did insult her. You are a woman living in a man’s world and living in a patriarchal society, you are not a native and have no relatives around you, you keeping money aside was the wisest thing you did.
Polygamy is legal in the land and even the native women who grew up in the culture and know this are shocked and distraught when their husbands choose other wives, don’t be left in the mud. Secure yourself and that is one less misery to deal with. If he has decided not to love you anymore and focus on his mistress, aside from prayers and intercession from God there is not much you can do about it. However, do not believe everything he is saying about you, you may have simply just married a polygamist and did not know it. They always will have an excuse and most times will play the blame game instead of simply saying I am a polygamist.
17:33, oh I see, I'm that case, just build yourself back and get back on financially. That way, you won't have to live at his mercy and tolerate his bullshit.
DeleteIn that case*
DeleteBut he has left you and probably thinks you are a fool for tolerating his foolishness. I wish you could learn to love yourself and show him that you can survive without him.
ReplyDeleteEvery woman going into marriage must know that your man will leave you one day. Either by death or divorce.
ReplyDeleteMy dear make peace with yourself that the man didn’t choose you but the other woman. It doesn’t mean that you are bad. It just means that he had two choices and he chose one. So now you have two choices. To choose him or yourself. Which one would you choose?
Be wise. You only have one life to live and you deserve to be happy man or no man
Zendaya
Are there children in this relationship? who is paying the rent and paying the children's school fees? If you don't want to leave, face your lane. A lot of spouses are already living like flat mates in the same house , communicating only on matters that are of joint concern to them. Learn to live like that. I hope you have something doing? This is the time to start investments/savings whatever for when he moves on. I just hope he is decent enough to at least ensure his children are taken care of.
ReplyDeleteIf he leaves that is his choice, we do not have the ability to control the actions and desires of other human beings. What you should be concerned about is that you are financially secure should he decide to go. You have known for 3 years now that is heart is with another, have you been stockpiling resources? Have you been securing a place of your own, even if it is just land? Do you have a financial survival strategy?
ReplyDeleteIt is money and security you will need in a divorce, a roof over your head and being able to stand on your two feet. So stop and think about you for a moment, if you become an abandoned wife can you survive with ease. Use these years to ensure that survival, especially if you have children it is so important. If there are important papers and family photos you need, rent a safety deposit box at your bank or have your parents store them for you, that is if you trust them. Don’t be caught off guard with no panty on, start preparing in the right way should such a day come, trust me you will be happy you did.
This!
DeleteSame situation I am in.
ReplyDeleteI am in love with my ex. We are both in love. His wife knows about me but my husband doesn’t have the slightest of idea. We reconnected after I got married and have been together for more 10 years now. Hoping to end our marriages soonest to be together. I am really scared of breaking my children and his children’s trust. They will be so shattered. That’s the only reason why I haven’t walked away. Don’t want to inherit kids that will despise me and him.
This life is really unfair.
He is the first and only guy I have ever loved. It’s 19 years this month that he deflowered me. Sex with him is amazing. Like we can go hours making love… it’s not the same with my husband, I am sorry. Husband is a good man and I am submissive to him. I pray God gives my husband someone that would love him completely.
Things may not end up the way you think if you divorce to be together. Just saying. If it doesn't work out, what will you do?
DeleteDon’t call God’s name ooo. Look at you! If I was his wife, I will go and tell your husband ka love ahu puo gi na anya. Don’t you know that the love is sweet because it is still hidden. Once everyone knows, you will see that both of you are deceiving yourself.
DeleteSis please end this relationship. I'm sure he tells you you're his soulmate. I'm telling you from experience, it's heading nowhere. He's your ex for a reason.
DeleteNawa o. Which kind marriage be this abeg? It is well
ReplyDeleteYou are living in self-denial poster, that man has already left you, he is only waiting for you to make the move first.
ReplyDeleteBv God's Favor
A man I was dating and later became friends with, and I complained to about his bad behaviour towards me, in an angry and disrespectful voice told me that if I felt so bad about him, why was I still friends with him? That if he were in my shoes he would run very far away. At that moment, my eyes snapped open and I "saw". Everything fell into place about his behaviour towards me and how foolish I had been all this time picking him over myself. All this while he saw me as a fool. And not just the words, but how he said them. Almost with hate and disgust. At that moment, every vestige of feeling I thought I had for him disappeared. Only the pain of wasted time and loyalty remained. Some of us women can be really foolish ooo. Men choose themselves and their choices first, EVERY single time. If they choose you, good, if not, don't waste your time. You will waste your time.
ReplyDeleteLike I said on the FAQ post before your comment disappeared with my reply, was it an arranged marriage? Like, you didn't love each other?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, if you are not okay financially, start saving, start a business or job and arrange your future financially. Remove your heart from the marriage and face your life so that when he eventually leaves, you won't be too pained . In summary, he will leave you one day, so prepare, that is, if you don't want to leave the marriage before he does.